The Nightmare Before Christmas Holby City

We both know that you could have cancer.

The winter ball, I need a speaker.

-Someone dazzling, charismatic, cutting-edge.

-I'd be honoured.

We managed to remove the cyst and save the ovary.

Any sign of malignancy?

Biopsy's with Histology, and, so, the jury's out.

We...are geniuses.

Genii.

-We're brilliant.

-Hm!

Well, I'm sure as soon as Mrs Grey recovers,

which she will, thanks to us,

she'll name her first-born after me.

Er...

All right, fine, both of us.

-How's Dominaac suit you?

-THEY CHUCKLE

Back to base, guys. We have a prisoner incoming.

So let me get this straight - Mr Griffin is entertaining the board

with champagne and canapes while we slum it at Albie's?

But it's not just drinks at Albie's, it's CHRISTMAS drinks at Albie's.

And all done in the absence of our favourite ice queen, Ms...

She can't be.

OPERA MUSIC

Everything's going smoothly, we're all relaxed.

At this rate, we might even make an early lunch.

What the hell do you think you're doing, operating on my patient?!

-Side room ready?

-Indeed.

I don't suppose we know more about this mystery villain?

Stomach pains and nausea. You know as much as I do.

-Hi!

-Hi.

-Are you coming to Albie's later for the staff party?

Mm, warm Cava and some sad little vol-au-vents? I wouldn't miss it(!)

Although I will have to swing by the winter ball

and go and play the dutiful boyfriend for Isaac

while he sucks up to Mr Griffin.

Well, I prefer to get smashed with the lay folk.

-You see, there are benefits to being single at Christmas.

-Mm.

-Oooh! I don't suppose you know who this deranged criminal is?

-No.

Hello again, Dom.

I thought I was doing you a favour!

You thought I was weak, so you took the opportunity

to steal my patient out from under me!

You haven't been here! What was the poor woman supposed to do,

hang around until you returned to have her tumour removed?

She was non-symptomatic!

You know as well as I do, that could have waited!

I had some time. Idle hands.

Anyway, enough about trivial matters. How are you feeling?

Like minding my own business. Join me, won't you?

Oh, here she is!

Hey, if you want an easy first day back, I'm your gal.

Anything you need taking off your hands, helping with?

Imagine I've been sunning myself in the Canary Islands.

I'm back, refreshed. Business as usual.

TEXT ALERT

You couldn't have gone to a different hospital?

I've been shackled to a pair of prison guards,

do you really think they gave me a choice?

Though I'm not going to pretend I'm sorry.

You're looking good, by the way.

Mr Cannon. I'm Isaac Mayfield, one of the registrars here.

Dominic's boss? I am honoured.

Dr Copeland is more than capable,

it just doesn't hurt to have belt and braces, given your history.

Only good thing about bowel cancer -

one little tummy twinge and I get VIP treatment.

Do mind if I examine you?

He's not distended.

Let's get some bloods.

FBC, U&Es, LFTs, amylase, CRP and tumour markers.

If the cancer's back, I'd rather just know.

Dom knows what I went through the last time. Not pretty.

You'll know when we know...Mr Cannon.

Right, I'm up to my eyes in drunks and food poisoning over here.

Anyone in a white coat want to come and have a look?

All right, we were just finalising the details for tonight's shindig.

-You'll be there, I take it?

-Not really in the mood, to be honest.

I've got Mr Collins in bed two. Muppet put his hand in a blender.

-Oooh, that's mine!

-So, er...

Oh, I think I can hear a red phone ringing somewhere.

-Something I said?

-It's Christmas, Fletch.

You may want to introduce your face to the concept of festive cheer.

Or failing that, pretend.

Mr Cannon's not exactly

the axe-wielding murderer we were led to believe.

Probably just some dodgy car dealer.

Look, I'm not an idiot, Dom.

You've mentioned your ex before, and the way he was with you in there...

I wanted to get him patched up and shipped off without you noticing.

There's only one person who needs to feel bad about what happened.

Let me take it from here.

There's no need for you to be in the same room as him.

And let him think he's got to me? No.

Lee isn't even on my radar any more.

He's just an insignificant criminal who's only interested in himself.

Congratulations on the big promotion!

So either I've been bumped up to consultant

purely on the basis of my devastating good looks, or...?

No. Because Ric's been called away to a GS conference in Bradford,

you're stepping into his shoes at the winter ball.

What?

Well, don't say he hasn't mentioned it?

Six missed calls, all from Ric.

We talked about me saying a few words, making a splash,

not heading up the whole event!

Well, clearly he thinks you're the next big thing,

otherwise he'd just ask Ms Campbell.

Look, why don't you take this tonight, for luck?

Thank you, but I'm going to need

a bit more than some make-believe fairy dust

to impersonate the CEO for the evening.

Hello, Mr Griffin?

I think I know why you've been trying to reach me.

-Mo?

-Yeah?

-How many more of my patients

has Rossini staked a claim to since I've been away?

I am the clinical lead of this department,

he has no business elbowing his way to the front, and he knows it.

He's been a star since you've been gone. You should be thanking him.

Oh. I thought you might have had the intelligence

to resist his superficial charms. It's a pity.

-Hm.

-And where is Valentine?

At least I can rely on him not to go giddy at the sight of chest hair.

Matteo's put him forward to assist on Mr Cockram's mitral-valve repair.

-He's really been pushing Ollie to do well.

-Oh, how nice of him(!)

You're back.

-Any news from Histology about your biopsy results?

-No.

(Big news!)

Christmas is cancelled and we get to skip straight to Boxing Day?

Even better. They've just opened around the corner from the flat.

I've called them, and they're open on Christmas Day.

You're not seriously suggesting we close the curtains

and eat Chinese food straight out the carton, are you?

Instead of the forced misery of dry turkey and familial obligations?

-Oh, yes, I am.

-I knew there was a reason I loved you.

THEY CHUCKLE

If we snuggle up tight and turn all the lights off,

it'll be Boxing Day before we know it.

Mm! THEY CHUCKLE

Yeah, so just FBC and U&Es as soon as you can.

-Yeah, no worries, sure.

-Good.

Thank you.

So I heard a rumour that the criminal we're harbouring

is actually your ex-boyfriend.

People love to gossip.

Oh. So, there's no truth to it, then?

All right, I get it, back off, Jas.

Which isn't an answer, by the way.

Jasmine? The latest batch of research stats are ready.

Make sure they're inputted before you clock off, hm?

Everything OK with, er...you-know-who?

Just another patient.

The pain! It's been like this off and on.

How long is it lasting?

What do you expect me to do, sit with a stopwatch(?)

LEE GROANS

We both know what it is, so you might as well stop the whole,

"we'll do some tests and see where we are" routine.

If I'm dying, I want to know.

I bet Arthur felt the same.

Alison told me.

She keeps in touch. Sends me updates on the kid from time to time.

I was sorry to hear about what happened.

I bet you were(!)

I hope "Mr Dark and Brooding" has been helping you through it all.

I don't know who you mean.

You can't kid a kidder, Dom.

I saw the way you were looking at him earlier.

Besotted, devoted.

It's classic Copeland.

Come on, don't walk away. You used to have a sense of humour.

I'm going to call and order you a CT.

The sooner we figure out there's nothing wrong you

and get you out of here, the better.

LEE SIGHS

If you lot think hanging up a load of old weeds

is going to get me in the Christmas spirit...

Oh, heaven forfend! Every ward needs its Grinch, after all.

Although I did have an altogether jauntier role in mind for you.

Are you having a laugh?

Oh, come on, how can you resist?

MUSIC: Jingle Bells

It's delightful!

It's not like you to set up residence

on the dour side of the street.

My old man's been in touch, right?

He sent a card saying he wanted to see the kids at Christmas.

Now, apparently, me almost dying, I can deal with,

but him sending me a card after 15 years of nothing

has kind of given me the hump.

Families and the festive season.

A toxic combination, if ever there was one.

But, um...if you change your mind...

Take me back! I've got places to be.

Get me Ricky Griffin on the phone! He'll have your guts for garters!

Pretty naughty, stealing another consultant's patients.

At this rate, Santa won't be bringing you any presents.

It's Father Christmas.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have lives to save.

What was it I did wrong - asking how you are?

You'd like that, wouldn't you, if this was just about my paranoia?

Mr Gill?

You don't want to do this, trust me.

Argh!

Your X-ray indicates that the impact from the crash

has caused something called a diaphragmatic tear.

My bowels are where my lungs should be.

The pretty one explained.

Good. Then you understand

why I need to get you into theatre as soon as possible

-to rectify the situation.

-And you are?

Ms Naylor. Director of Cardiothoracics.

First name?

Jacqueline. Known as Jac.

I work in the insurance business. Risk assessment.

Which means I know what you lot don't like to talk about.

People die during surgery.

If anything happens to me in there, and I mean anything,

you'd better locate your chequebook.

Told you.

Ahhhh!

Stop! Please, Dom, stop!

It's back, I know it is.

Try and stay calm. Breathe.

I can't do it again!

The treatment, the not knowing if I'm going to make it.

We don't know if the cancer is back.

Arthur was a top bloke. He saved people, and he's dead.

The universe wouldn't be so screwed up to have killed him and saved me.

Look at me. I'm going to do a CT scan now

to try and find out the cause of your pain.

I can't promise anything.

But I'll be here with you.

If that helps.

Well, that was quite a mouthful you gave the paramedics.

I'm a full-grown man. They can't bring me against my will!

You didn't come around until you were in the back of the ambulance.

What were you doing at the airport, anyway?

Busking(!) What do people usually do at airports?

I was waiting for my flight. Vegas, before you ask.

Not bad, considering that you left here with £200 in your pocket.

Ask me how long it took me to double my money.

FLETCH CHUCKLES

And you thought you'd blow the lot on a ticket to Sin City, eh?

Rather than, I don't know, paying your gas bill?

You're never too old to relive the good days.

You've got a lot of get-up-and-go, I'll give you that.

Hello there, Mr Chernik.

Now, I hear you had a fainting fit while trying to flee the country.

I just felt a bit wobbly, is all.

People making a fuss over nothing.

HE COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS

HE RETCHES

OK, so, how long's this been going on for?

On and off for a bit.

All I need's a bit of time in the warm.

That is another good thing about Vegas,

it doesn't rain in the desert.

Any, um...chest pains, any loss of appetite?

You're trying to psych me out, put me off my game.

I taught Ricky how to do that, back in the day.

OK, so your temp's a little bit higher than I'd like.

Fletch, can we get FBC, U&Es,

-LFTs and full clotting as well, please?

-Yep.

So, what does all that mean in English?

It means we want to keep an eye on you.

People think doing what I do makes me scum.

They actually say that to my face, some of them.

Well, you sell insurance based on the risk

of bad things happening to people.

And explain to me how that's different to what you do.

Take away the premiums, we're both in the same business

of calculating the chances of someone walking away alive.

He has a point.

My mum hates what I do. She wanted me to pursue my art.

Painting?

Ballet dancing.

Know why I didn't? Too much risk I wouldn't make it.

I'm one of life's winners, what can I say?

Most surgeons would be thinking thoracoscopic right now, but, you,

I think open is more your style.

Why are you still speaking to me?

Before I go into theatre with a colleague,

I find this sort of back and forth to be useful.

No-one said anything about us working together.

I know why you're being this way with me.

Is it because you're literally the most annoying person I've ever met?

It's natural to feel vulnerable, after what you've been through.

Even the great Jac Naylor can't do everything all on her own.

Besides, it could be fun.

-I have to check on a few patients and then I'm all yours.

-Mm-hm.

Sacha. I need a favour.

-Um...Miry?

-Yeah?

Would you mind making sure that Mr Cannon gets settled for me, please?

-Sure.

-Oh, I get it.

You don't want lover boy seeing us spending too much time together

in case he spots those lingering glances you've been giving me.

I didn't realise you were having hallucinations.

-I should put that in your notes.

-I wouldn't worry about it.

What's the chances he can read you as well as I can?

How's our jailbird friend?

Do you not have somewhere else you can go

and be research assistant extraordinaire?

Lapland.

OK, I didn't see that coming. Explain.

What's to explain? It's Christmas.

You and I have been working our butts off

and I think we'd look pretty cute together

on a sled pulled by huskies.

You're serious?

What better way to spend our first Christmas

than snuggling together for warmth?

I'm up to my eyeballs in work,

and writing this speech for the winter ball is giving me a headache.

I thought you were pretty much done?

I was, when I was dive-in-and-make-a-splash guy.

Now I'm representing the whole hospital.

It needs more jokes, more gravitas, more everything.

OK.

Fine.

Check online.

If we can go tomorrow and be back in time for work on the 27th, I'm in.

TEXT ALERT

Someone's popular.

No, just a nuisance caller.

He's been calling eight times a day for the last week now.

Mr T.

"How's that speech coming along, best man?

"Don't forget to make it funny, but not too funny."

I don't know how much more I can hack, to be honest.

Well, I've been best man four times.

When it comes to my turn, I'm going to pick someone I hate,

just to punish them.

I will make that wedding rock with laughter, I will.

Between that and spending Christmas with Mum and her disapproving voice,

I'd happily swap my Christmas plans for a kick to the solar plexus.

You could always spend the big day with me and Zosia,

if you're not feeling it at Chez Effanga.

Thanks. I will.

-Oi, Arty, up you get, mate!

-Where's my stuff?

I had a bag with me when I conked out, and if someone's nicked it...

Your stuff is as safe as houses in that cupboard over there, all right?

But you need to get back into bed.

These gowns open up at the back.

A lady over there won't get a wink of sleep after what she's just seen.

ARTY LAUGHS

What do you need your stuff for, anyway? Not going to bunk, are you?

There's, er...precious stuff in there.

Important documents, photos that I can't replace.

Right.

What were you REALLY going to be doing in Vegas?

Ah, fame and fortune. The same reason everyone else is there.

You weren't going to try and get a sneaky peak of a long-lost someone?

There's nothing wrong with wanting

to wish my own daughter Merry Christmas, is there?

Ah. Hello, Arty.

So we've had your test results back

and your X-ray shows consolidation

and your white blood cell count is raised.

It looks like pneumonia.

I'm afraid we're going to have to keep you in over Christmas.

I'm sorry. It looks like I'm late to the party.

Actually, you weren't invited.

Could you give Mr Rossini directions to where he should be, please?

Am I missing something?

A misunderstanding, I'm sure.

So, you won't mind if I stay and observe?

It would be a pleasure to watch you in action, Ms Naylor.

It isn't cancer. CT confirmed.

Wow! I didn't realise I'd been holding my breath

for the last fortnight until just then.

Once you've had cancer, it's difficult not to think

every little thing is a sign that it's come back.

LEE GROANS

You OK?

OK, OK. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

LEE VOMITS

Right. I need you to tell me where the pain is, specifically.

Here, mainly. Mainly.

You look worried.

Well, it isn't cancer, but your symptoms are real.

We're going to need to keep you in further for more investigation.

There are numerous things that wouldn't show up on a CT scan.

-Nothing that serious?

-I'd consider gut ischemia pretty serious.

Gut what?

Er...gut ischemia.

It's where part of the bowel dies.

Though it would be so, so unlikely.

Bowel cancer was unlikely in someone so young, as well.

Here.

What's that?

There's so much we never got a chance to say, Dom.

If I'm going to die of this dead-gut disease,

I need to get some stuff off my chest.

Read it when you're alone, OK?

Can I have a word?

I was putting the latest research data into the computer

and I must have pressed the wrong button

and the system crashed and now none of the stats are on the hard-drive.

I've deleted everything, Dom. Isaac's going to kill me.

Can you please help me?

You wanted to be research assistant.

Bed made, have a lie-in.

Cut.

Wait!

Oh! On the descending aorta, saccular aneurysm.

Tough to spot. You really are as good as they say.

Should we deal with it now, or...?

Of course you deal with it now.

Face things head-on, right, Jac?

He's in no fit state and we're unprepared.

Let's put a chest tube in, close up.

-We'll come up with a plan for the aneurysm.

-OK.

Busted! See, I don't know who's worse.

You for not changing, or us for not learning.

We don't leave these lying about

so that we can play with them over our lunch break!

I had a good reason this time.

There's only two more direct flights to Vegas left before Christmas,

and they'll be sold out if I don't get a wriggle on.

Look, we're not keeping you in here because we want to.

You're not very well, mate. All right?

Vegas, it's just not possible.

OK, so it's a gamble, but that's the business I'm in, remember?

The last I heard, you didn't have a current phone number for Sydney.

So, what are you going to do?

Wander up and down the strip all day hoping to bump into her?

Stranger things have happened. My luck could be in.

Or you could just blow through your dough and up in a Vegas hospital.

You're a real downer, you know that?

I have her name, her picture, an old number and address.

There must be some way to track her down in this day and age.

You're not going to give up on this, are you?

Not in my nature.

HE SIGHS

I can't have an aneurysm.

I'm only here because I skidded on a patch of black ice.

That accident probably saved your life.

It's highly unlikely we'd have spotted the aneurysm otherwise.

You explained the risks of surgery, you never said anything about this.

It was unforeseen.

Am I going to live?

Am I not going to see next Christmas, this Christmas?

I have kids.

Please...I need to know.

I'll be back to prep you for theatre.

Jac?

Someone!

-Oh, my God! What...?!

-Please tell me he's gone for his ultrasound!

Right, I need you to stay here and look after him.

-Where's Isaac?

-He was heading to the staffroom, last I saw.

-Where are you going?!

-And call Security!

Well, now it's a party.

Um...Mr Mayfield's needed out on the ward.

Don't be such a spoilsport, Dom.

Me and Isaac were just getting to know each other.

I tried to tell him the toaster's for staff use only,

but he's got a stubborn streak a mile wide.

Making toast is one of those things you don't miss until it's gone.

You can make an exception just this once.

Every slice I've had since I got put away

has either been burned or underdone.

This...is perfect.

The guard wasn't badly injured, just in case you were wondering.

You know, you didn't used to be so quick to judge.

I mean, there was a time you'd have given me the benefit of the doubt.

Well, what was I meant to think?

-He was on the floor with a head injury.

-He came in to check on me.

His mate must have been on lunch or something, I don't know.

Next thing, he's clutching his chest,

he falls face-first and hits his head on a trolley.

I checked he was still breathing and made a break for freedom.

But instead of running, you came looking for me.

If I run, they'll add years to my sentence.

You know what I love about this hospital? It brings people together.

Me and Dom met here, did you know that?

He might have mentioned it.

Then there's you two.

I mean, is it a long-term thing, do you think?

-Stop it.

-Do you love him?

If you're asking if we're serious, then the answer's yes.

If you're trying to intimidate me, better luck next time.

You know, I was confused before I met Dom.

He tried to save me and I threw it all back in his face.

But you can have anyone, why does it have to be him?

You still have feelings for him.

Huh! That's the saddest thing I've ever heard.

OK, drop the knife!

The guy just collapsed. I didn't do anything wrong!

DOM EXHALES

Hey.

Just wanted to check in. I know how tough it must be

when Histology drag their heels about biopsy results, so...

I'm going to do a stent closure on Mr Gill's saccular aneurysm.

Are you free to assist, in case the diaphragmatic tear

causes any more problems?

Yes. Yes, of course.

Good.

And Matteo?

Not required.

There's bound to be a tricky settling-in period.

You've been unchallenged at the top of the tree for a while...

I'm not afraid of being challenged.

So, you didn't decide to close up just now to spite him?

Are you accusing me of compromising patient care?

Absolutely not.

It was a judgment call.

There's no right way, there's no wrong way.

-It's just...

-It's Mr Gill!

-Aneurysm must have ruptured.

-His BP's through the floor.

-Call theatre, tell them we're coming!

-No! You're not going!

-What?!

-Out the way!

You are going to open him up to find a cavity full of blood.

As skilled as you are, you'll need all the hands you can get.

There's no shame in asking for help.

Sacha, with me! Let's go!

You're a star! No, hang on, hang on!

Right, fire away.

That is perfect!

And a Merry Christmas to you, too.

Ha-ha! You beauty! Mwah!

OK! Er...please tell me there's some mistletoe above us right now.

Oh, forget about that, right? Because I played a blinder.

Saving lives, bringing people together.

I should have my own chat show.

Wouldn't have anything to do with Arty and his long-lost daughter?

He's still insisting he's going to be on a flight come dinner time.

Oh, he's so open about it, it's almost charming.

I tried to tell him it could kill him, but...

Please tell me you found a way to keep him here.

It was back-breaking labour and it took every bit of nouse I've got,

but I've tracked down Sydney.

I have her current telephone number in my sweaty little hand

and I'm about to call it.

So she can come over here and, then, bang! No Vegas.

What, and you think she's willing to fly halfway across the world

to see a man who she hasn't spoken to in a decade?

No.

But she might get on the bus because she only lives around the corner.

Right, more suction!

-More!

-He's bleeding quicker than we can suction.

OK, let's hang another two units!

Can't get in quick enough.

Maybe we could use another pair of hands.

No, that's not necessary!

All right, I can't see!

-Jac, if we lose him...

-Be quiet!

STEADY BEEPING

Foley catheter! Quickly!

OK, stapler.

-You ready to deflate?

-Mm-hm.

-OK.

When I staple, you pull out the catheter. OK?

-Yep.

-Go.

OK, suction.

QUICK BEEPING

Good job.

Looks like they're not taking any chances.

-Do you blame them?

-Don't look at me like that.

I was just having some toast and chatting to your boyfriend.

I wanted to make sure he was good enough for you.

He's not, in case you were wondering.

Look, I...I meant what I said in that note.

I love you. I always will.

Nothing about the way you treated me has anything to do with love.

I made mistakes, I admit,

but I came good in the end - I gave Arthur's medals back!

Just give me a chance to make it up to you.

Please.

Why on earth would I do that?

You fooled me once, but...

My life is better now.

I'm with a decent guy who loves me.

Loves me in the way I deserve to be loved.

I don't want you in my life.

Ultrasound.

Oh, I see we've stepped up security a notch. Wonder why(?)

Sometimes things aren't always as they seem.

True, and sometimes they are.

On that note...

-Is that...?

-Gallstones.

They don't always show up on a CT scan.

That's it, gallstones?

Yep. Probably just blocking your biliary duct occasionally.

That's what the pain is.

So you won't need surgery today.

Maybe in the future.

Just painkillers should do.

So you can go back to where you came from now.

Good news all-round.

I'm sorry I poked fun at you earlier.

I didn't realise he was, you know, dangerous.

He's not. Not now.

So, any luck in retrieving that research data?

Isaac should have just picked you as research assistant.

All I've done is let him down.

All right, fine.

Let's see what these magic fingers can find on that hard drive.

All right.

Yep.

Got it.

It's not good news for Arty, is it?

FLETCH SIGHS

Not only has his daughter lived locally

for the last ten years and never mentioned it,

she won't even pick up the phone.

Happy Christmas, Arty(!)

Will you please stop pacing?

Things don't just vanish from hard drives.

They're sometimes just a little bit difficult to find.

OK, sometimes they're VERY difficult to find.

Oh! I am going to go down in legend

as the F1 who ruined Isaac Mayfield's research career.

How am I going to tell him?

You're not.

It's the winter ball tonight, then it's going to be Christmas.

The chances are, he's never going to look at this until the new year,

which gives us the time together to try and get this back.

Really? You'd do that for me?

What he doesn't know won't hurt him.

Ah. I get it.

You don't want your first Christmas together

ruined by him complaining about how incompetent I am.

I'd rather not have a stressed-out boyfriend ruining Lapland, yes.

You're going to Lapland?

Won't that just be full of kids and old people?

I mean...Lapland? Wow!

Well, well, I hear you and Mo smashed it in there. Quite the team.

Well, they don't call us Butch and Sundance for nothing.

Yes, OK, no-one calls us that, but we do make a pretty good combo.

You should probably be a bit jealous.

-Well, I would be, except for one thing.

-Ah?

You and Mo won't be eating chow mein in bed at Christmas.

-Y...

-What?

KNOCK AT DOOR

Is there something I can help you with?

I just heard you're back, that's all. I thought I'd check in.

I've had a pretty rubbish day, and...

This is for Emma.

I thought I'd get her something,

seeing as I'm her only aunt, and everything.

Traditionally, this is where you take the gift and say thank you.

I always envied you around Christmas-time.

At least in care, there'd be people around.

Are you kidding? That is cold - even for you!

OK, you ready for this?

Fine, I'll break a pregnant woman's lonely heart at Christmas.

That's not going to send me to hell at all, is it(?)

Chinese food in bed. Just keep repeating it.

Ahem! Hi!

-Hi!

-Hey!

So, what's with the mystery text - "Meet me in Pulses, five minutes"?

I just thought that we could, um...have a quick chat.

Right, if this is about Christmas, I've been thinking.

I think the two of you, first Christmas together,

what would I really bring to the mix?

Then I remembered, I'm a total blast!

When people hear about how much fun we had,

they'll be begging me to come to theirs next year.

I'm talking home-made mince pies, carol-singing contests

and a Monopoly competition that can stretch into the wee hours.

Our Christmas is going to go down in legend.

In the future, our children will write songs about it.

Mo, listen, I know I invited you, but I think I might have...

I still haven't forgotten about the Polish thing.

Christmas Eve, we'll go all-out.

We'll make it really special, like your mum would, if she could.

ZOSIA SIGHS

Sounds wonderful.

Maybe we should lay off the Monopoly. We're all competitive.

Wouldn't want anyone to get hurt now, would we?

But I can still bring the mince pies and sing Good King Wenceslas?

-A-ha!

-We'd be gutted if you didn't.

OK.

Oh, yeah, up we go.

Oooooooh!

New Year's is more of a Chinese-food-in-bed type of holiday.

Nuh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh.

Ah! Could you e-mail that research data to my home address?

Dom's making me go on some Christmas getaway,

but I should have time to review it while we're gone.

Um...is...is that allowed?

I'm just thinking, you know, data security and all that.

Is there a problem?

Jasmine?

You made it through that surgery earlier by the skin of your teeth.

Admit that Matteo should have been there.

Is it really so terrifying that someone should get to know you?

Or want to?

I know how lonely a health scare can be,

but you have family here.

And if you can't lean on us at Christmas, then when can you?

I don't lean on people who betray me.

Jac, Matteo hasn't betrayed you. He's a bit overbearing sometimes...

I'm not talking about Luigi, I'm talking about you.

You and Mr Thompson jumped at the opportunity

to tell Griffin that you didn't think I was up to the job.

Because you were ill.

Jac, I think the fact that you collapsed

30 seconds after Ric tried to talk to you about it

rather proved our point.

You're lashing out and you're being ridiculous.

JAC SIGHS

I'm your best friend, and it is my duty to look out for you.

Look, just because your life is a barren wasteland

of failed romances and children you barely know,

don't think you can stick your nose into mine.

Can I at least say goodbye?

Dom...?

If you come here again, I'll make sure someone else is treating you.

When were you going to say Jasmine erased months' worth of work?

I thought you had enough on your plate,

what with everything that Ric put on you this morning...

This is my research, Dom. My career!

Did you think you could just bail Jasmine out of trouble, is that it?

It was a computer error. I mean, it could happen to anyone.

But it didn't, it happened to her.

I fired her, in case you're wondering.

-There was no need for...

-Don't come to the ball tonight.

I'm under enough stress at the moment.

The last thing I need is you there making things worse.

I spoke to Mr Thompson. He wasn't able to get hold of you.

Is that them?

YOU open it.

Whatever it says, don't beat about the bush.

You're all clear.

You don't have cancer.

SHE EXHALES

Why did you do that? I was horrible to you.

Agreed.

But it's Christmas.

What are friends for?

SHE EXHALES

Do you know what? He's not that bad.

Would it be so terrible to let him in just a little?

Right, see you at Albie's?

Maybe we can do some karaoke together. Me Kylie, you Jason?

Get away from me.

I probably could have used you in theatre today.

I want to get to know you, Jac, that's all.

I don't like mushrooms.

Maybe now you can stop stalking me.

I heard you with your sister before.

She doesn't understand that when you pretend to care too little,

it's because that really, you care too much.

She doesn't see you like I do.

You thought you'd got me.

I went all quiet for a bit there

and you thought I'd come around to your way of thinking.

Bloke over there having his X-rays loaned me...this!

I snaffled a last-minute flight online.

£200 off!

I need to talk to you about something.

DON'T give me all that you'll-never-find-her nonsense!

If I have to knock on every door in Vegas, I will.

I spoke to her, mate.

I-I did an online search of the public records in Las Vegas

and I got a list as long as your arm.

You...you...you...you narrowed it down, you found her.

You did it!

She doesn't live in America, mate.

She lives around here.

And she has done since her mum died, by the looks of things.

What?!

No, she can't do!

I just had to look her up in the phonebook.

But you...you explained how much I wanted to see her,

how sorry I am for everything that happened?

She's got a new life now, mate.

She doesn't want to know, I'm sorry.

I know I made mistakes.

The way I treated her mum.

But I always thought I'd get time to make it up to her.

There's not a day goes by I don't think about my Sydney.

I never thought I'd die...

..without seeing my little girl again.

What could I possibly have done...

..that would make me deserve that?

HE BREATHES DEEPLY

I made it.

Somewhat against the odds, it must be said.

The aneurysm ruptured. We were able to get you into theatre in time.

It was touch-and-go there for a while, but it came good in the end.

You went out on a limb trying to save me.

I would have crunched the numbers and written myself off.

What if one of my kids wants to be a ballet dancer or a painter?

What will I say to them?

"Better weigh it all up,

"look at the statistics before you commit to anything"?

Probably not.

HE CHUCKLES

Oh! Ah!

Ha! Ha-Ha! I feel like Ebenezer Scrooge on Christmas morning.

Get me the biggest turkey you can find.

Ha-ha! And I promise not to cook it for 24 hours, like I usually do.

I might even start dancing again.

I thought you were joking about the whole ballet thing.

A 40-something-year-old bloke in tights?

I mean, what could possibly go wrong?

HE CHUCKLES

Goodnight, Mr Gill.

SHE SIGHS

Ah! "Don't be late," he said.

"I won't have time to wait around for you to show up."

Yes, I know, I'm a hypocrite.

And...?

And you're the queen of the world.

THEY CHUCKLE

I can't believe there are only a few days left of this year.

Good riddance, I say.

The amount of good things that have happened this year

could fit on the back of a postage stamp.

Agreed.

So that's enough, we have a job to do.

DOM SIGHS A-hem!

At least we won't have to listen to him wittering on

about how the guns fell silent, Christmas 1914.

Or how Napoleon was almost assassinated

on Christmas Eve.

Promise me we'll remember him every year.

Even if no-one else does.

I promise.

I need to get back to Keller, where the fun never stops, so can we...?

-Oooh!

-Oh, no, it's nothing, it's fine.

Defensive AND snatchy. It doesn't look like nothing to me.

HE CLEARS THROAT

You know the prisoner that came in today?

Please don't tell me a serial killer has taken a shine to you.

Lee Cannon.

Come back to haunt me like the Ghost of Christmas Past.

The note's brief and to the point.

"I still love you."

And, what, you're tempted, or...?

For a split-second, but...

..there's only one man I love.

It just so happens that he's not speaking to me at the moment, so

looks like it could be another miserable Christmas

-in the Copeland household.

-Don't look so sad.

It wouldn't be Christmas if we weren't falling out

with our nearest and dearest, now, would it?

Go and find him. Make it up, whatever it takes.

If this year has taught me anything,

it's to cling on to the people we love the most.

Tooth and nail.

That's not the face of a man about to walk away with a bagful of money.

Leave me alone, can't you?

Let me just think about that for a second. Er...no dice.

Now, then, Nurse Fletcher tells me you fancy yourself

as a bit of a poker fiend, Mr Chernik.

I used to play with the boys on my unit.

I was undefeated three tours in a row.

I've only ever played against my dad,

but he says I'm really awesome at it.

Get ready to lose your shirt, Arty.

-Why are you doing this?

-Because it's Christmas and you're my mate.

And maybe I want to believe in happy endings for a bit.

Except I didn't get my happy ending.

And you're not going to get real money either, but, hey. Hm!

Don't think I'm going to go easy on you.

Even if we are only playing for chocolate.

Keep an eye on him, don't let him win every hand.

What?! No, wait! You can't leave,

having persuaded us all to forgo a jolly at Albie's!

Five minutes, that's all.

Dad?

Yeah, it's me.

I...I wanted to wish you Happy Christmas.

ANIMATED CHATTER

We couldn't achieve half of what we do without the support of the board.

I know it must feel like we take all of the credit,

but we honestly couldn't do it without all of you, so, enjoy.

Sorry to interrupt.

Mr Mayfield, there's an emergency on Keller.

Excuse me.

Look, whatever you've got to say, I don't have time.

I've got to give the welcome speech in two minutes.

This whole thing with Jasmine was simply an error of judgment.

I've been trying to work out all day what I can say to make this better.

You are my man.

You're my world.

All I want for Christmas is you.

Now, I know you don't believe this will help, but...

..it would really mean a lot to me.

MUSIC: Black Magic by Little Mix

ANIMATED CHATTER

-Happy Christmas.

-Happy Christmas.

-CLANGING

-Sorry, can we...? Thank you.

A-hem! I have been told that I don't share enough.

These are uncertain times.

It's easy to get disheartened.

To cut ourselves off from the world

in an effort to make sense of things.

But that's not what Christmas is all about.

We do what we do all year round

with integrity and without complaint.

You're all phenomenal.

The NHS is phenomenal.

My credit card's behind the bar for 30 minutes only. Merry Christmas.

-CHEERING

-Merry Christmas!

Ho-ho-ho!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

-Wow!

-I want to touch him. Is that wrong?

If that's wrong, I don't think I want to be right.

I'm offended, I think. Are you slightly offended?

Yes, I am actually a little bit offended.

When did it become acceptable to objectify Mr Rossini like that?

Fair enough.

If you've come to ask me to dance, I'd love to.

You're very good at getting in people's heads, Rossini.

It's just a shame you won't let anyone return the favour.

Ask me anything.

Why are you really here?

Some things are just meant to be.

Don't worry, I'll find out.

No offence, but I'm pretty glad to get out of there this evening.

Me, too. You might be a consummate actor,

but I can only keep up the charade for so long.

Charade?

Not sure I get the joke.

YOU are the joke.

It's just lies upon lies with you, isn't it?

It's bad enough I almost ended up being gutted by your psycho ex!

Well, you said...you said you were OK.

You were the one that said that he wasn't dangerous.

What was I supposed to say?

I can't afford to look weak in front of the other staff.

I should never have been put in that position in the first place.

You're right, you're right. I'm sorry, I didn't mean...

And he's clearly still in love with you.

And I bet you didn't do anything to put him off, did you?

Does he even know Dominic's not your real name?

Has he any idea what a common little loser you really are?

What? Why are you...?

"Let's go to Lapland!"

As if I didn't know you were trying to make up

-for fantasising about the jailbird!

-I wasn't!

People like me don't go to Lapland, Dom.

Not only do you show up and try to ruin my big night,

but you couldn't resist one last humiliation.

I thought we'd got past you believing in fairy dust.

I gave you that for luck.

You gave it to me as a reminder of the only man in your life

that I've ever really been competing with.

Well, here's what I think of your precious Arthur.

Merry Christmas.