Hallelujah Holby City

-Friends?

-Yeah, without benefits.

-Don't be silly.

Embrace the tempestuous mistress that is love.

You clearly still like her.

She's been through the mill a lot recently.

I really feel a bit of space would do her good.

I'll give you until Christmas Eve. Otherwise, it's open season.

-I was thinking of going for a drink later.

-Really?

Congratulations.

You are officially this hospital's Foundation Doctor Representative.

Yes! Yes! I won't let you down!

Your symptoms are consistent with a morphine overdose.

I'm trying to stop.

-You mean I can come home with you?

-No girls, boys or booze.

You follow these rules and we'll get along fine.

OK. Go, go, go!

Thank you.

-Wow!

-Mo texted.

-Out last night?

-Tricuspid valve referral from AAU.

So this is a "walk of shame", is it?

Does this look like shame?

Don't ask. I won't lie.

-Alex?

-Ha! You wish.

Why would I wish? I mean, they guy's an absolute...

You know what, as a work colleague/friend,

you really are extraordinarily interested in my private life.

-No.

-No?

-I don't get it, don't see the point.

-Of?

-Breadsticks.

-Grissini.

-Stale sticks of bread.

Baked in Turin. Delicious, light as air.

Perfect for dipping in an olive tapenade with Parmigianino.

Like eating old pencils.

Hey. Excuse me, we open the box, we finish the box.

You said you don't like them.

"Don't see the point" doesn't mean I won't eat them.

Hi, Mo. Ciao, Matteo.

Ciao, bella...

If you want to enjoy "delicious" breadsticks you're going to

have to lift your jaw off the floor, mi amour.

Morning.

SHE SCREAMS

Whoa, sorry about that.

SCREAMING CONTINUES

Hello there, Evil Knieval.

There's me thinking it was just him that was going through the mid-life crisis.

Hey. Did I see you on the roof?

No.

-I so did. What were you doing?

-I was screaming.

-For any particular reason?

-Sometimes I use scream therapy.

Don't laugh. It's a release, it helps me focus.

-I never had you down as a screamer.

-Oi!

What? I meant roller-coasters and suchlike.

-Get your mind out of the gutter, Morven.

-Yeah, right.

-There's an inappropriate work relationship waiting to happen.

-No!

What? You don't think he's good enough for her?

No, it's not that. It's just that Morven's got very particular tastes.

So did you once. Runs in the family...irresistibility.

You confident enough to bet on it?

# Hallelujah, Hallelujah

# Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah... #

Somebody's been gargling with Christmas spirit.

# For the Lord God omnipotent reigneth! #

So are you looking forward to the Messiah?

-I see myself as more of a visual artist, actually.

-Since when?

Since always. I'll show you.

-What's this?

-Dom's artistry.

-There he is.

He's had one too many Christmas carrots and oh, no!

Look, he's doing a poo on the lawn.

-Your skills are wasted as a surgeon. Wasted.

-Thanks.

Well, once I get back from this ghastly course I should have

a few more masterpieces to show you.

-Yes!

-Thank you for your enthusiasm.

-I meant this.

I have just secured two much-in-demand tickets for the ComiCraft Convention.

I'm taking Parker this weekend.

Oh, and his mum is in for dialysis later.

Wow, you must really love that kid

to spend several hours in a convention centre with

so many undiagnosed skin conditions.

I've really enjoyed having him around.

And not everyone wants to spend their life in trackie bottoms

watching box-sets and eating posh crisps.

I do. Ah, crisps! Sounds amazing

# Last Christmas I gave you my heart

# But the very next day you gave it away... #

No. No. No. You two.

You see, you have rotted your souls with saccharine pop music.

-Come on, the Messiah?

-A work of pious genius.

-It's not exactly Christmassy.

-It's entirely all about...

Anyone at all interested in doing any work? AAU are sending up...

We're rehearsing, actually.

That was not a rehearsal. It was a warm up.

-The Messiah.

-By Handel.

Suspected heart attack...

Ah, yes. Coming to the right place.

Some sort of sportsman, I think. Some athlete.

Collected by paramedics from Holby Sports Arena.

Huge hairy rugby player with tree-trunk legs?

Collapsed in stadium during a sporting event.

Basketball player. Seven-foot tall, long, lithe.

Listen to them, Mr Valentine.

Tell me, when did gender equality become so unequal?

Well, Holby City is an equal-opportunities employer.

I have been informed by British HR consultants that to even tell

-a co-worker how radiantly beautiful she looks today is wrong.

-It is.

Ah, but women can now say they would like to ogle the thighs of

a rugby player.

Looks like our hot athlete has arrived.

What the hell you punks looking at?!

Thanks for letting me know. OK, bye.

Right. Listen up, people. I need all available nurses, OK.

Keep that bay clear, please. We need to set up for an immediate blood transfusion.

Has there been an incident?

Maria, don't you worry. Bay 4 is clear.

You don't need to talk if you don't feel up to it.

I'm fine. Don't fuss.

Does it really take two surgeons just to wheel my trolley?

I'm not just a surgeon, I'm your nephew.

-What happened?

-I fainted.

Essie, we're going to need to do an immediate blood transfusion.

Yeah, I'm on it.

She's got a raised heart rate, as well.

The transfusion should make you feel better very soon.

Yes, I know, I know.

You know? What do you mean, you know?

Sacha, I think you should take a look at this.

-What is it?

-Four transfusions in five months?!

The neighbours will be terrified when they learn about

my thirst for blood.

This isn't a laughing matter.

Sacha, everything is a laughing matter.

We need to find the source of this bleeding.

-I suggest that we do a capsule endoscopy.

-Yes.

-That won't be necessary.

-I know it sounds intimidating,

but it's a straightforward procedure.

It means swallowing a tiny camera.

-Yes, I know what it means. I had one last week.

-What?

Well, I'll chase the results.

-Why didn't you talk to me?

-Why bother you?

It's not exactly the kind of

photographs you frame over the mantelpiece.

So your first day as Foundation Doctor Representative. Ready for it?

Absolutely. I've prepared some reading materials.

Some worst-case scenarios. Case studies. Best practice.

If I were you, I'd save the worst-case scenarios for later.

-Do keep the introductions low key.

-Low key. Absolutely.

Attention, please. Can I have everybody's attention?

Hi, I would like to welcome you all to AAU.

The hub. The heart. The epicentre.

Now, I know you've all left med school thinking you know everything...

..but this is where the philosophising ends

and the real learning begins.

So to mark this monumental day,

I have a very special first patient for you.

If you'd like to follow me. Come on

A grudge match, huh?

AMERICAN ACCENT: Grudge ain't a big enough a word for it.

-"Enrique the Embalmer versus..."

-"Monty the Python".

My name should have come first!

-So you're...

-Monty...?

-The Python?

Don't pretend you ain't heard of me, sonny. It ain't cool.

No...I actually haven't.

Promoter promised me, "Monty the Python versus Enrique the Embalmer -

"Grudge Match of the Millennium!"

-I see.

-You are a wrestler?

-You betcha. A killer.

-People die?

They're not real fights, they're staged. Like play-acting.

You watch your mouth.

Sorry, you don't look like someone who's just had a heart attack.

Maybe he's about to have one.

Well, believe me, little missy, I know pain and the pain that

gripped my chest, it was excruciating.

"Little Missy"? So are you from Texas or somewhere?

Somewhere, that's for certain... sure am.

I've just seen from your notes that your real name isn't Monty...

Oh, you think Enrique is really Enrique?

So you want us to call you...

Keith. You're not an American, you're from Basildon in Essex.

ESSEX ACCENT: Well, you know, the career, the image,

-it takes certain embellishment, like.

-And the snake?

It's rubber. It's health and safety, isn't it?

It seems that you have angiodysplasia.

That's a vascular malformation of the gut and that's what's

causing the bleeding.

Now we know what it is, what are we going to do about it?

Well, that's your decision.

We could take you into theatre today and perform a bowel resection.

That's a relatively straightforward procedure.

But, of course, as with any surgery, it does carry risks,

especially in the more mature patient.

Alternatively, we could continue with regular blood transfusions

and that will help to control the symptoms of anaemia.

-I'll leave you two to talk it through.

-Thank you.

Right, come on. Let's do a pros-and-cons list.

My decision, Mr Griffin said.

-He also said we should talk it through.

-Sacha, I know you.

You're going to tell me that surgery is too risky.

At your age, the chances of having a heart attack

on the operating table are massively increased.

There is a chance you could have a colostomy bag or a stoma,

there's post-op infections, there's pneumonia...

I just want you to know that there are risks attached to this surgery.

-OK?

-Sacha, it is not your body.

I don't want to waste the last years of my life sitting through

endless transfusions.

I'm here with you now. I can be with you.

I can sit here with you. You know, we can chat.

Don't laugh! It'll be fun.

You know, a bit of auntie-nephew bonding time.

Once, I rode a motorcycle 2,000 miles down Route 66.

Now you tell me that blood transfusions will be fun?

Sacha, please.

Leave my decisions to me.

Am I going mad or is that an empty bed?

What are you doing?

SHE CRIES OUT

I've got abdominal pains! Nausea. Vomiting!

-There's blood in my stool.

-Is this for real?

You know there are actual patients we could be treating.

This is absolutely for real, Cameron.

You can start by telling me what tests we need to run.

-Well, U&Es, FBCs. Obviously.

-Yes, and?

Ultrasound scan. Possibly an abdominal X-ray.

And what are your initial thoughts on a diagnosis?

Morven, I am totally on board with this but I've have just

remembered something I urgently need to follow up on.

-Can't it wait?

-Honestly? No.

Fine. But I want you back here as soon as possible. You're up.

-Hey! I just thought I'd come and say hello.

-How's Parker?

He's fine. Brilliant. Eating me out of house and home.

What is it with boys and cereal?

Kim, hi. So, how are you feeling?

That depends on what you're about to tell me.

Well, we have the results of your latest urine and blood samples

and your creatinine clearance has increased.

In fact, all signs indicate that your kidneys are starting to

regain function.

Which means we might be able to take you off the transplant list.

That's so good. Thank you. Thank you so much.

We're going to have to continue with the dialysis but if things

carry on like this, then everything's looking very positive.

Thank you! I can't wait to tell Parker.

I can't tell you how good it will be to have him home again.

We'll leave you in peace.

No more queueing for the bathroom at your gaff.

Are you going to miss him?

-Yeah. Good kid. And Maria liked him.

-Maria?

I did some shopping for her the other day and Parker had some

questions about a history project.

And it was nice, until she started to teach him poker.

Can you believe he can dance salsa and merengue?

-Really?

-Mmm.

So cool. I'd love to be able to dance salsa properly.

Are you going to zap me? Because if you're going to zap me you've got to tell me

-when you're going to zap me.

-No, this isn't...

I don't like electricity at all.

-This is the opposite, Keith.

-It's OK. You can call me Monty.

Right. Well, we're just trying to measure

your heart's electrical output.

-It's not the "charge to 180!" thing they do on ER?

-No, look.

A normal heart has a certain electrical signature.

So any abnormalities show up and show us what's going on in there.

If there's any cholesterol blocking an artery, if a chamber has been enlarged.

Or, if you've had a heart attack...

And?

What do you think?

I think it looks fairly normal to me. Normal sinus rhythm.

No STT changes. No evidence of infarction or ischemia.

Surprised you've got time for that.

Didn't think you had time to breathe on AAU.

Please. I need the caffeine to keep me awake.

Morven has got us diagnosing imaginary patients.

What do you mean imaginary?

Actually, it's worse than that. We're role playing.

A couple of weeks ago I was diagnosing this woman that

didn't realise she had gone blind -

a spot that even the great Bernie Wolfe missed -

and now here I am diagnosing Morven the Method Actor's dickey tummy.

You leave her alone.

Morven might be a geek, but she is my geek and I wouldn't have

her any other way.

Yeah, I guess there is something endearing about it.

I've got a present for you.

-ComiCraft Convention. It should be you taking him.

-Lucky me(!)

It'll be worth it when you see the look on his face.

Shall I put them in here?

Tramadol?

I'm not using, if that's what you think.

I didn't say you were.

I just couldn't throw all of them away. It makes me feel...

..powerful, knowing that it's in there

-and I have it in me to ignore it.

-That is a dangerous game.

And I'm winning. I haven't even been tempted.

Then why don't you get rid of it?

Sorry, can I just...?

-Yeah I know there's something going on.

-Why?

-Sometimes you just know.

-Sixth sense?

All I know is how I feel and I know that there's definitely

-something going on here.

-No.

-Nope. Uh-uh.

-Sometimes your imagination plays tricks with you.

Yeah I'm not some hysterical schoolgirl.

-That is sexist. And ageist.

-Cardiac enzyme results.

-CKMB is normal.

-Myoglobin?

Trop T normal, too. Doesn't sound like a heart attack to me.

I think he's just a big faker.

Nothing going on here, Mr Valentine.

-Shall we?

-Yes.

-Bye.

There you are.

What? So now you want a say on my bowel movements, too?

Sacha loves you. He's just worried.

Right, I have made something for you.

This is your blood transfusion survival kit.

-What is all this?

-This is A Backpackers' Guide to North America.

One minute you want me bed-ridden,

the next you're sending me long distance.

You've also got a pack of cards, obviously. Some snacks.

Oh, my God! Don't tell me your mother is in on this!

I spent years hiding those disgusting things in napkins

under her dining table.

This is to keep you warm because they're really cold - those rooms.

Sacha, I've made my decision. I want this operation.

I just don't think you've thought through the full extent of

the complications, that's all.

I'm not afraid.

# Every valley shall be exalted. #

Hang on. That's my solo.

Not any more, I'm afraid.

# Comfort ye... #

Yes, I'm still here. I'll need to call you back.

I need to ask you something.

-Me too.

-Walk this way.

For the love of my swollen ankles!

-What?

-Slow down. Do I look like a whippet?

-Sorry.

-So what's the skinny?

-Monty The Python.

-AKA Keith. Love that.

-Yeah, his ECG is absolutely normal.

-Cool. Move him on.

-So, the thing is...

Meanwhile, the old dears from Friends of Holby are giving

out free mince pies in Keller's staffroom.

Yeah, look, it's not that simple, OK...

I need you to get yours and get some more "for a friend".

-I need to do another ECG.

-Why more ECG?

-Why more pies?

I've been down there twice already and they're starting to give me dirty looks.

-Why do you want a repeat?

-It's a hunch. It's a feeling I've got.

-OK, I trust your hunch-o-meter. It means I get your pies, though.

-What. Wait, that's not...

Look at the size of these. They're Practically dolly dimensions.

Hey, you. School finished?

Only so much you can teach a child genius.

Check it, Essie. Modern History - A*. Boom. You and Maria.

We can play poker any time.

So this is the Holocaust project?

My teacher said he might enter it in for the history prize.

I told your grandfather's story, put in some quotes from the diary and

finished the whole thing with Maria and what it was like in the camps.

Maybe I should meet this woman,

get some tips on how to grow old disgracefully.

I think you've got the disgraceful part down, Mum.

-Just need to work on those cupcakes now.

-Excuse me.

-Well done.

I'm just going to listen to your chest.

Presumably there's quite a lot of

physical action when you're in the ring.

Lots of being thrown to the mat, crashing into each other.

It's brutal in there.

Yes, I'm sure, so maybe

what you've experienced is just some bruising, some hard knocks.

You think I don't know the difference between

a cracked rib and a heart attack?

Well, except you haven't had a heart attack.

So you wouldn't exactly know what one felt like.

You saying I'm lying? I'm some kind of faker?

No, it's just that there's

no medical evidence that suggests that you've had a heart attack.

Your ECG, your cardiac enzymes are normal.

I'm an entertainer. A professional.

None of that is in question.

It's just that you are a 44-year-old man.

-You've got a body mass index of 28.9.

-You saying I'm fat?

I've got a good mind to give you one of my trademark Gorilla Body Slams.

Yes, it's just you're not exactly in the physical condition to be

-doing that.

-You think...?

And if you are, your results being normal,

we should probably think about sending you home.

That's it. I'm out of here because you think I'm faking?

-Thanks, Jenner.

-Essie, wait...

-Hey. Everything OK?

-Yeah, good.

-Is your mum OK?

-Brilliant. Happiest I've seen her in months.

OK. So, what's up?

-Can I stay hanging out with you for a bit longer?

-What? No.

Is it because I used up all your posh shampoo?

It's because you belong with your mum.

She can't wait to get you home.

That's it, though. I'm not ready to be playing happy families just yet.

You heard her, she's going to be on, like, Mum overload.

I just want to chill.

Is all this because I've got better broadband speed?

Well, there is that.

I will kick your butt at ComiCraft any time you fancy.

But, I'm sorry, Parker, your home is with your mum.

-Rhythm is normal.

-OK, breathe in and hold.

I've got an aortic valve replacement in theatre 2.

-Dr March wants to assist.

-He has a special technique.

-I bet he does.

-Right anterior thoracotomy.

Like with so many things, Italian men develop their own unique approach.

-Mi Zosia es su Zosia.

-Thank you. You do know that is Spanish?

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

-Cheese and ham paninis from Pulses?

-What? No!

-Toast and chocolate spread in the staffroom?

-About those two.

-Ah. Then no.

-It's just... Sorry, excuse us.

It's just it seems to me they're suddenly...very close.

-Bonking.

-What?

-Do I think they're bonking?

-No, I didn't say that.

-Course they are.

-What?!

Caught them in the on-call room,

going at it like lop-eared Dutch rabbits on a conjugal.

What...you caught them?

Come on, Ollie, you're such a soppy floppy fringe!

-Sorry, I just... I don't understand.

-I'm messing with you.

Oh, ha-ha!

-Of course they're not doing it.

-Course, yeah. You sure, right?

Yet.

Ah, just the man I was looking for.

-How can I help?

-Actually, I meant Isaac.

-Yes?

-The Winter Ball - I need a speaker.

-Someone dazzling, charismatic, cutting edge.

-I'd be honoured.

I can do dazzling.

Shall we take a walk?

I don't need to be back in theatre until we do Maria's bowel

resection this afternoon.

Yeah, it's Mr Levy.

About Mr Griffin's theatre slot this afternoon?

Yeah. He no longer needs it. Great. Cheers.

Still no apparent sign of ischemia.

Think I'd like to run an angiogram, too.

Angiogram? This stress echo was possibly a step too far.

-Belt and braces.

-That sounds incredibly English.

Well, he's still complaining of pains.

He lives in a world of melodrama.

I am here, you know.

OK. If this will cure your hunch.

-Groin or elbow?

-Groin.

-You're not going to zap me this time?

No. This is where we inject you with the dye.

Remember, I told you.

Think of the angiogram as drawing a three-dimensional map of your arteries.

It shows any abnormalities or constrictions with the heart.

Or, not. For a man who is so cautious in life,

you invest a lot of effort in a little hunch.

Who said it was a "little" hunch...

What's so funny...?

"My hunch is bigger than yours".

-Seems a funny thing for men to compare the size of.

-I wasn't.

-No?

So, nobody wants to play with you

now that they've realised you're unbeatable.

I'm waiting for Mr Griffin. Grudge match.

And where is Sacha?

Sulking somewhere. He never had much of a poker face, anyway.

-Not like that boy you introduced me to.

-Parker?

That's the one. Do you know he showed me your grandfather's diary?

-Did he?

-He read me some extracts.

He's a bit young to have qualified for the Nobel Peace Prize,

but he has excellent potential.

Especially now that he is lodging with the ultimate hustler.

Actually, he's going back to his mum's. It's where he belongs.

Nonsense. No-one owns a child.

I had the time of my life leading Sacha astray.

You clearly enjoy having this boy around.

Why not let him stay a little longer?

You were passionate about having a child. That's why you and Sacha...

Maria, please!

You know what you want, you know how to get it.

Up to you.

Are you OK?

No, actually.

One of my F1s has inputted the wrong data and now the whole

system's locked me out.

Well, make them sort it out. You mustn't mollycoddle them.

It would help if they showed a bit more respect for my methods.

Take Cameron. Where is he when I need his support?

Makes his excuses and then heads out for an extended coffee break.

I mean, one brilliant diagnosis doesn't mean that he's got

nothing left to learn.

Well, it's not just one diagnosis, is it?

I mean, he has been showing excellent potential.

Nothing like a mother's love.

Give him something to really get his teeth into, that'll do it.

Angiogram all good, I'd say.

I've got some deeper scans that I'm going to study later.

You really like to take your time, Mr Valentine.

Nothing wrong with taking it slow.

You like to rush it, do you?

I like to seize the moment.

When I grow old, I want to look back and regret the things I have done,

not the things I haven't done.

-Like this angiogram?

-Like asking Dr March to dinner.

Well, I don't see what that's got to do with it.

-You said you didn't mind.

-I said she needs space.

I said I would ask her out at Christmas if you two were

-still not back together.

-We're not getting back together.

So, why wait? My feelings entirely.

-I just think now the moment is right. And so...

-So...?

-Should I seize it?

-Are you asking me?

Of course not. You made it clear I don't need your permission.

But you have my permission to send this noble warrior home to

fight another day.

Mr Griffin didn't mention any further tests.

It pays to be thorough.

Is there something I should know about?

Yes, I thought that Maria's P-possum score should be verified.

Did you now?

Well, her echo showed that her ejection fraction is 40%,

which, coupled with her renal impairment

and breathing difficulties, means her P-possum score is also 40%.

-If you think you can blind me with science...

-It's a measurement that we use to

judge the risk of operative mortality.

And it's too high. It's 40%.

So I think we should look at non-invasive procedures.

We discussed the non-invasive options and Maria made her decision.

-Well, that was before the score was verified.

-Fine.

Maria, knowing now that your P-possum score is 40%,

-do you wish to go ahead?

-Yes.

-Well, it's too late because I've cancelled the theatre slot.

-Ah.

I know it's unorthodox, but this is crazy.

So I will accept whatever punishment you deem suitable.

Well, I suppose if your actions had interrupted the schedule,

then, yes, some kind of punishment would have been appropriate.

What do you mean?

Fortunately, I spotted that you had cancelled the slot.

What? And you didn't say anything to me?

No, I just went ahead and rectified your mistake.

For a man who's had so many wives, you are very decisive Mr Griffin.

I shall see you in theatre.

Enough, Sacha. Enough.

-You are going to love this!

-What?

So, I googled Monty The Python

and there's a wrestling fanzine blog about his last fight,

where he had his "heart attack".

"Monty was embarrassing.

"Drunk again, constantly heckling the audience."

"Who booed him off stage"

Sounds like he put on a bit of a show.

"And then he grabs his chest and he collapses..."

"And it all looked about as phoney as Santa's beard."

So, Dr Dunn. Do we have a diagnosis?

-I think we're looking at appendicitis.

-Wrong.

OK, well, I'm going to suggest more bloods.

Is that the best you've got? More bloods? I'm in crisis, Cameron.

I'm bleeding from the gut and you're suggesting more bloods?

-Wait, what?

-I'm a mother, Cameron.

I've got three small children at home,

it's nearly Christmas and my life is in danger because of your failure.

-This is ridiculous.

-Ah, I'm bleeding out!

Why would they give a job like this to someone like you?

-You are literally off your rocker.

-And you are literally incompetent.

Why should we let you anywhere near real patients?

I rather think the milky bars are on you.

-Hey.

-I've got something for you. It's a book I read.

"The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas". Who's he?

His dad works for Hitler, but his best mate's a Jewish boy.

What's he going to do? It's like you and your grandfather.

-Read it?

-OK. Thank you, Parker.

Catch you later.

Someone likes you. Sweet kid.

Yeah, he really is.

Yes? Hello?

Yeah I'm calling to order a repeat sodium, hormone profile,

lipids, thyroid profile and urine sodium for Mr Khan.

Yes, I'm aware you're backed up but he can stay in overnight if

necessary. OK, let me know.

What's wrong?

His sodium levels are too low. We can't discharge him.

Hi. Can I order some extra tests for Kim Whitfield, please?

So your patient was drunk and being heckled by a disgruntled audience.

-When he faked his heart attack.

-Worked a treat, really.

-The fight was called off...

-Paramedics rushed him away...

Avoided an awful lot of explaining and embarrassment.

I'll get him moved down to AAU, OK?

You might want to refer him to the alcohol abuse unit.

-Or Equity. Too soon? Too cruel?

-Made me laugh.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

Is there nowhere that you have to be?

You won't even notice I am here, honestly.

Can you keep an eye on the blood pressure?

Yes. Thank you, Sacha.

I have done one or two bowel resections before.

So how's it going? Everything as you'd expect?

Sorry.

BEEPING

BP is dropping.

There's a tear. We've got to find it.

What's happening?

Right I've got it. There's a bleed in the mesenteric artery.

Clips, please.

Suction.

2-0 vicryl.

Ric, sorry. Can you talk to me?

Can you tell me what's happening, please?

Heart rate 180. BP 60 systolic.

-She's going into arrest...

-Right, I'm coming in.

-Sacha.

-Sorry, I can't just leave her.

-Call security.

-I wasn't faking.

-Yeah? You also forgot your fake snake.

I wasn't. Honest.

You forgot to mention that you were drunk.

-I found a bottle of sherry.

-Or being heckled by disappointed fans.

My name should have come first on the fight bill.

Bye, Keith.

My name...

HE YELLS IN PAIN

You're not fooling anyone. It's fine. It's all show.

You're embarrassing yourself, Monty. Again.

Come on. Get up.

Show's over.

Get him up, get him out.

If you were really unconscious, you wouldn't feel this.

Crash team, please!

Mind if I join you?

Please.

Tough day?

Yeah. Um...

Peutz-Jeghers syndrome.

Spots on the lips.

It was Arthur's moment of genius.

Well, one of them, anyway.

He wasn't showing off or anything when he told me.

He just wanted me to learn that it's the little things

we have to keep an eye out for.

I see.

He was a brilliant mentor.

Inspirational.

Yes, I can imagine.

I'd never be the doctor I am today without him.

I hope you realise what a brilliant doctor you are.

SHE CHUCKLES DRILY

Shame I'm such a crappy teacher.

That's not true.

You are passionate and...

..committed and dedicated and driven

and those are inspirational qualities.

Maybe you just need to stop trying so hard

and let your talent speak for itself.

I just wanted to inspire people the way Arthur inspired me.

And you will.

You probably have already.

Not carrying on the way I have today.

Today's not over. And I didn't have you down as a quitter.

Anyway, I heard you had three children at home

who are desperate for their mother to get her diagnosis

so she'll be back in time for Christmas.

Oh, and I know I'm biased, but...

..I think you should give Cameron a chance.

ALARM BEEPS

There's no output.

OK, we need to shock him. Charge at 150, please.

-Charging.

-Good. Running up.

Stand clear, everyone. And...

Wait!

MONITOR BEEPS REGULARLY

He's back in sinus.

What happened?

That was no fake. He was in VF.

You were going to zap me, weren't you?

Busted, Monty, yes. That's exactly what I was going to do.

Sorry, what just happened here?

That definitely looked like a heart attack to me.

But he just came out of it again?

OK. Let's get him on GTN infusions and oxygen.

We need to look at the angio again. We've missed something.

I don't understand. I was all set to go home.

Your post-dialysis bloods are showing low sodium levels,

so we're just going to run a few tests.

A chest X-ray. Nothing serious.

I'll still get to go home tonight?

Well, we're going to have to keep you in until your sodium levels are back up.

-We wouldn't want to risk fitting.

-Fitting?

Yeah, it's never-ending, isn't it? All this medical stuff.

Maybe you should just take the time for yourself.

-But I feel fine.

-And you know, don't worry about Parker

because he could stay with me for a few extra nights.

I've got a cupboard full of cornflakes with his name on them.

I knew there was something wrong.

Here.

Teeny-tiny muscle bridge.

Very good, Sherlock Holmes. Very good.

It's a myocardial bridge.

The blood vessel's going through the heart muscle

rather than round the back.

Probably had it since before birth, formed in the womb.

Well, yeah, these things are normally OK

but with stress or exertion the heart muscle contracts,

the vessel's squeezed and the blood flow is restricted.

Heart arrests but starts again when muscles relax.

Just like with a wrestler when he has his opponent in a deadlock

and increases the pressure.

So, let's book a theatre and go have some drama.

SIREN BLARES

Sacha.

It's bad news, isn't it?

No, no. She's fine. She's fine.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Even if I did have to call security to have you ejected

from the viewing gallery.

It was lucky that you'd gone by the time they'd arrived.

For what it's worth, I like you better when you show some fight.

And I am so looking forward to hearing your solo.

Well, actually, Isaac is down to do it.

What?

But things could change. I do remain optimistic.

Maybe it's your tactics.

Your strategy's amateurish.

Childish. I mean...

That is without doubt a lethal weapon.

My mum made them. Apparently, 2012 was a vintage year for cucumbers.

Please don't tell me that you've eaten half the jar?

Well, I didn't eat them.

But I gave them to Isaac to put in his pastrami sandwich.

AIR HISSES

Tell me what you see.

The artery disappears into the muscle.

Myocardial bridge.

And so, what do we do?

-Bypass.

-A myotomy.

You want to go around and totally avoid the issue.

And you, you want to plunge right in.

A coronary artery bypass would be like using a sledgehammer to crack a nut.

It's the safest way.

It's unnecessary extended surgery.

We'd have to harvest a mammary artery and then use a bypass graft.

There is so much that could go wrong.

Instead you just want to plough into the muscle, wielding your knife,

-hoping to sever the artery.

-There's no ploughing anywhere.

-I'd be clearing a path in order...

-I'm pretty sure that's ploughing.

In order to establish a forward flow.

What if the myotomy leads to post-op fibrosis and the obstruction

reoccurs? And what if you can't locate that bridge exactly

and then what? You just keep on cutting?

OK, doctors. Your patient is on the table. His chest is open.

You have two opposing opinions. Who is right?

-BOTH:

-I am.

It's not serious, is it, this stuff with Mum?

No, no. You don't need to worry.

It might just mean that she stays in hospital for a few more days

but it's OK, isn't it?

Because it's what you wanted, to stay with me.

Yeah. Nice one.

As long as you don't inflict any more reality TV on me.

Well, we'll be at the convention most of the weekend.

Oh, about that. I don't know how much of it I can make.

-My friend Lewis is having this party...

-What?

But we were looking forward to it.

His dad works in TV locations and he's hired out this skate park.

Well, the tickets weren't free, you know.

We can auction them. Make a profit.

It's not about the money. You said you wanted to go.

It's not a big deal, is it?

Not something worth getting stressed out over.

I'm not stressing.

You're not mad at me for wanting to go to my best friend's party, are you?

No, of course not.

Right, I'll see you back at home, if you're in later.

Yeah. Nice one.

To bypass the problem?

Or cut to into the problem, hoping to find a way out?

Which?

Bypass. Definitely.

Belt and braces?

Mr Valentine, Monty has been your patient all along.

You had a hunch about him even when we didn't.

I think you should take the lead and do your bypass.

Hey.

Hey.

What I said before... I'm sorry.

It's me who should be apologising to you.

I should never have snapped at you like that.

Yeah, I shouldn't have said you were off your rocker. You're not.

Aren't I?

Maybe a little bit. But only in a good way.

We should probably get back in. Patients waiting.

You know, real ones this time.

Does that mean we don't get to see any more of your performance art?

Because I was really looking forward to your ruptured spleen.

SHE LAUGHS

Your lips.

What?

There are dots.

Oh, yeah, of course.

Yeah, sorry. Um...

Did you think...?

-No. Course not. You meant the dots, didn't you?

-Yeah.

-Dots, yeah.

PJS, isn't it?

PJS. Exactly. Very good spot!

SHE CHUCKLES

Thanks.

Um...

Maybe you won't make such a terrible doctor after all.

Well, I have got a fairly excellent mentor.

OK. Looks like this is where the muscle bridge is.

Can you get in?

Well, there's a whole nest of vessels beneath the surface,

crisscrossing the muscle, you see?

-Could you cut through it?

-Not without causing a bleed.

-Cut deeper.

-Well, that would risk holing the artery, wouldn't it?

OK. So, given the dangers,

what is the best way forward from this point?

Graft, I'd say.

I was asking Dr March.

Graft.

So, good call, Mr Valentine.

Seems you can't be too cautious, can you, Ollie?

Yeah, and you just press there.

Perfect.

PATIENT GASPS AND CHOKES

I'm on it.

Talk to me, Cam. What's happening?

Wait. OK, he's swallowed his tongue. Airway.

HE BREATHES HEAVILY

OK, he's back in the room.

That was pretty intense.

You're telling me.

You want to scream it out?

What...?

..are you doing?

Whoa!

I think that's 20 quid you owe me.

-Presumptuous.

-Well, what else do you think they're doing?

-I don't know but I intend to find out.

-Serena!

(Serena!)

MORVEN AND CAMERON YELL

You gave us quite a scare.

Well, I've always had a flair for the dramatic.

THEY CHUCKLE

I'm sorry. I should have trusted your decision.

You did it out of love. I know.

In fact, I'm rather flattered the way you defied the mighty Mr Griffin.

Please. Ric Griffin's a pussy cat.

SHE LAUGHS

It's good to see you breaking a few rules.

I didn't know you had it in you.

I wear leathers now, you know.

Please. The less said about that, the better.

You know, it's colder than I'd like in here.

You don't happen to have a blanket, do you?

# How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace... #

Hmm. Non-alcoholic eggnog and non-alcoholic mulled wine?

-How very spirit of Christmas!

-Hey.

You OK?

Not half as OK as your girlfriend looks.

She having a private Italian lesson?

She's not my girlfriend.

Mmm. Word is he speaks five languages and plays the cello.

And dances merengue and salsa.

-And she's not my girlfriend.

-Thank you.

I know.

You know we're not actually back together.

-I know. I heard.

-Probably never going to get back together...

How? How do you know?

Come on, Ollie, this is Holby City. We work in a microclimate.

We all share the same weather and the same gossip.

Yeah. I suppose.

And it looks like a lot of people that work here end up

sharing the same partners too.

You think Zosia knows that you and I are no longer...

-Sharing a microclimate?

-Dating.

You call that dating? What we were doing was just serial...

Do you think Zosia knows that we're done?

Of course.

Well, how? I mean, just gossip or...?

Yeah.

Oh, and because I told her.

What? Why would you do that?

Because, Oliver...

she asked me.

Essie, can I have a word?

Yeah?

I was just checking through Kim's discharge form and I noticed this.

Hormone profile, lipids, thyroid profile, urine sodium, chest X-ray.

What's going on?

Well, I just thought that Kim's sodium levels were looking a bit low.

Really? They look fine to me.

Yeah, I just thought...

INAUDIBLE SPEECH

Ah. I see.

I just...

No. No. I understand.

That's very sensible.

What?

Well, it pays to be thorough.

When you care about someone,

you need to make sure you've pursued every angle.

Maybe we should cancel those tests.

Let Kim go home.

You're right. Um...

I'll sort it out.

Thank you.

# And he shall pu-urify... #

Ah! How was the course?

Deathly.

Well, maybe this evening's performance will lift your spirits.

Voice of an angel - or so my grandma tells me.

Well, I look forward to it.

Although, you do realise it would mean a lot to Sacha

if you gave him back that solo.

Are you serious?

There are sick people in this hospital.

You want to inflict that on them?

Oh...

You OK?

Yes, probably just something I ate. I'll be fine.

THEY LAUGH

So, how do I scrub up?

You're all right.

Well, get dressed.

-'Doors opening.'

-Last time I looked in the fridge

I found a piece of Parmesan and a jar of something called spirulina.

What's that, Mum? Frogs' pee?

It's actually very good for the skin, but...

OK, maybe we do need some supplies.

OK, I'll be Matteo...

That's going to take a stretch of the imagination.

Oh, no, come on. I can't take you seriously

if you're going to be waving that little thing around.

That's my baton.

It's a bit small, isn't it?

THEY GIGGLE

Essie, help me out. What is wrong with my baton?

No, no. Do not answer that question.

Essie! Come and join us. We're missing a soprano.

-Oh, no, no. I don't sing.

-Excuse me?

New Year's Eve 2015. Alby's. It's Raining Men.

Well, there was tequila involved. That doesn't count.

-If it takes tequila, that can be arranged.

-Come on.

-Come on.

-We need you.

-Please. Please.

# King of Kings!

# Hallelujah, hallelujah!

-# And Lord of Lords

-Hallelujah, hallelujah! #

-BADLY OFF KEY:

-# Hallelu... #

ALL LAUGH

-Ow!

-Great!

He's going to be fine. Just let him rest, OK?

Goodnight.

Those are Christmas tree decorations.

Chocolate.

Supposed to hang on the Christmas tree until Christmas Day.

Sorry, didn't you hear what I said? Chocolate.

Twelfth Night, actually.

Christmas is practically two weeks away.

You really think these are going to be good to eat in two weeks?

Ah. Seize the moment?

No. Seize the chocolate. Before anybody else does.

-Ah.

-You want to be helpful? Peel a couple for me.

You know, Matteo asked me if he could ask Zosia out to dinner.

Mm-hmm?

Well, what could I say?

"Go anywhere near her and I'll rip your knackers off and feed 'em to the fishes!"

-What?

-But of course you - oh,

that stiff-upper-lipped, chinless, extremely English Ollie said...

Look, he doesn't have to ask my permission. I'm not her keeper.

No, of course not.

He'll twinkle his chestnut eyes, and be in there in a blink,

and then you will be Long Face Ollie for the next 300 years. Yay!

Peel me a reindeer, schmuck.

I said I wasn't going to get involved and I'm not getting involved.

I am just baking my beautiful baby and eating for England.

Good. Thank you.

-Do you know the worst thing about being this pregnant?

-Hmm?

The waiting. Waiting for something to happen.

I mean, something will happen.

It's inevitable, but nothing I say or do will make any difference.

-I just have to wait.

-Good. Right.

Goodnight.

It's the same with you and Zosia.

I mean, yes, you are right for each other

and yes, you should be together.

Watching you torture and make each other miserable is simply divine

but nothing I say will make any difference.

Exactly.

Exactly...

So I'm saying nothing. I will just eat.

Thank you. No...

Thank you. You're absolutely right.

HE KISSES HER

# O thou that tellest good tidings to Zion... #

OK. You, you - no.

-Excuse me?

-No. Just no. Non. Not happening.

What is not happening?

And you... Yes. Always yes.

And yes... I'm sorry.

And yes, Jasmine was a mistake.

-And no, I don't want him to be your Jasmine.

-Now I am a Jasmine?

And no, I don't care who you spent last night with,

even if it was with him or Alex or...whoever.

And yes...

I want back what we had.

I don't want anyone else and I don't want you to have anyone else.

-Especially not him.

-Thank you.

-No disrespect intended.

-None taken.

It's just that he asked me if he could ask you out.

-I know, I...

-And I said yes. I mean, I didn't say no. I meant no.

I just didn't say no.

Although all the time I was thinking no. NO!

I just...

I don't want to be some stiff-upper-lipped, English, beige,

Downton Abbey-loving Oliver.

I want to be more...more...

-Italian?

-No!

OK, hang on.

How do you know that he asked me if he could ask you out?

I asked him to ask you.

Sorry...

You asked Matteo to ask me if it was all right if he asks you out?

OK, this is my cue. Excuse me.

Holby is waiting for me to give my Messiah.

You asked him to ask me if it was all right to ask you out?

Yes, but Ollie...

-No.

-Let...

-No.

Let me explain. Let me explain.

Come on.

Right, I'm going to go and get changed.

SACHA HUMS

-Can you stop doing that? It's really irritating.

-I'm warming up.

According to Handel, God sat in heaven and shed a tear

at the first performance of the Messiah.

And now he's up there sobbing.

ISAAC GROANS

-Excuse me, sorry, sorry.

-Isaac?

Sorry!

I'm going to have to do the solo.

Um...

Well, the show must go on.

# Every valley

# Every valley... #

SIRENS BLARE

CHOIR SINGS HALLELUJAH CHORUS

There was no man last night.

SHE LAUGHS

No hot date. No walk of shame.

You staged this?

I got up this morning and I dressed as though I'd been out all night

in a bid to make you pay me some attention.

To kick you into action.

You played me?

To make you make a decision.

You faked it? You faked being with someone.

To make you realise what you're missing.

OK.

So all that stuff with Matteo this morning, whispering in the kitchen.

-I was asking him to ask you...

-Asking, yes, if it was OK.

Yes, and it worked.

You tricked me.

I nudged you in the right direction to make you make a decision.

Manipulation through fakery.

Yes, but it worked.

You yourself said that you wanted back what we had.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Ollie?

You tricked me and now you want to go back to the way things were?

Yes, and you want that, too.

-No!

-No?

Definitely not!

Oliver...

Sorry. I can't go back to that. Not with a fraud.

I am not a fraud.

My feelings...

And I can't go back to "dating" either.

You are taking this the wrong way.

But you can move in with me.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

Again.

We'll just have to make it more, um...

Just more.

Really?

All or nothing.

I want all.

-CHOIR:

-# Hallelujah, hallelujah

# Hallelujah, hallelujah

# Hallelujah. #