What We Pretend to Be Holby City

-You don't want to go to Sweden.

-How did you know?

-I don't want to go either.

Why can't you tell me things you think that I might not want to hear?

You wanted me to teach - I'm teaching Dr Burrows a lesson.

-If I mentor you, you have to be in 100%.

-I will be.

-You pack it like Beyonce.

-DOM LAUGHS

-What would you give me?

-A good night.

What are you waiting for?

-Moroccan mint, please.

-Oh, come on, come on, come on, come on.

-Oh, darling, if you're in a hurry...

-Oh! Sorry, I'm talking to my phone.

Your need is greater than mine.

It's fine, I'm taking it slow.

Hear that in there, Nugget? Slow.

No rush whatsoever. Cheeky sausage!

That's very kind. Usual, please.

So, doctor or patient?

PHONE RINGS Would you excuse me?

There you are, you dirty stop-out.

Yes, I went out. You think I'm going to let you have all the fun?

Thank you. Thanks.

Bye from both of us!

So, who was he?

Of course, girlie night in with Zosia.

I completely forgot.

Yeah? Yeah. Um...yeah, she's with me now. Huh!

Er...look, I'll call you back.

Adam, wait up!

Often patients are asymptomatic.

Problems with the pulmonary or tricuspid valve...

Morning!

..tend to manifest themselves at a late stage.

So any problem you might have...

Hector still not sleeping?

Oh, he sleeps, just not according to Derwood's schedule.

-Oh, you've got a schedule?

-Oh, yes.

But, you see, Hector is his mum's son.

Yes. He's a maverick, he plays by his own rules.

-And sleep? Hm! Sleep's for wimps.

-Now, that's debatable.

-Know what's definitely not for wimps, Valentine?

-Go on.

-A double valve replacement on a beating heart.

-Right.

-Ooh, is that today?

-Oh, quite possibly.

But what definitely is today

are all the patients I've got to cover for Jac and Matteo

while they're doing their sexy conference sex thing.

-Eurgh!

-Mm.

-Yep, so, busy-busy.

And on not much sleep, I imagine. How is Hec...

-Hector?

-Yep.

-He's fine. But you know, let's focus on today!

-Busy-busy!

-OK.

-So, Mrs Mitchell, she's good to go.

-Lovely.

Boom! Discharged. One down already.

Is that a bit of, um...sick on your shoulder?

Yeah. You got a problem with that?

-No.

-Good. Let's do this!

Hanssen hasn't asked after me, has he?

I haven't finished the winter report and he's on the warpath.

No. Who's Muscle Mary?

Oh, um...Adam Clarkson.

Elective mastectomy. Dom checked him in yesterday and he went AWOL immediately.

-Poor chap's in a complete mess.

-What?!

He's also got anger-management issues.

He's a whatchamacallit? Um...a cage fighter.

He's not particularly happy about having breast cancer either.

Reckons he's too butch for a girlie cancer?

..is exactly the sort of thing we won't be saying around him.

No, no. Embarrassment and pride are tough symptoms to crack.

And he's a particularly tough nut.

-Which is why we need to be very gentle with him.

-Yes.

Why are you telling me all this?

-The report.

-Please can you prep him for me?

-I'll give you the best bits in theatre.

-Yes, no problem.

I've never done a male mastectomy before, anyway.

(Make yourself scarce!)

-Mr Levy?

-Well, he was here a second ago.

Said something about finishing a report.

And avoiding you until he'd done so.

BOTH: Left.

-Ooh, right!

-Left, obviously.

Look, new glasses, a bit of dental work, he's a fixer-upperer.

You promised me you'd do this properly.

Yeah, but not by suspending all critical faculty, thank you, Jasmine.

Well, Ted's nice. And Michael.

Ted is called Ted, so, obviously, no, and...

Well, Michael's just a random guy.

But that's the point.

You meet them and they become a bit less random.

Where are the notes for Bed Three's pelvic fracture?

Yeah, I will bring them over to you.

You know, like, that's the thing I can't be bothered with.

Meeting someone and then getting to know them.

-You can't be bothered?

-No, I can't.

Plus, we've been having fun, haven't we?

Girls together, having fun.

Funny cats? Rare Pokemon?

Um...no, we're just looking for a new man for Morven online.

Ah. That's OK, then(!)

Oh! Wait. No, it isn't because, um...you're at work.

-Where do you want me?

-More a question of when.

-When?

-15 minutes ago, when your shift was supposed to start.

Never mind. Bay Three.

How long do I have to be here for?

Someone will see you as soon as possible.

What?! What you looking at?!

Why did you say I'm trying to avoid him?

Oh, come on, the secret to a good lie is to mix in a bit of the truth.

Thank you.

Apologies for the delay, Mr Clarkson.

In answer to your question, I was looking at you

and chiding myself for not being more attentive.

You think this is funny?

No, I really don't.

If I was smiling, it was because I was trying to be friendly.

-Put you at ease.

-I don't want to be put at ease,

I want this thing out of me and I want to go home now!

I'm going to ask you to keep your voice down, OK?

Listen to me.

Nobody is laughing at you because cancer is never funny.

To me, this is just a job, OK?

Can we prep?

Besides, a cage fighter with breast cancer?

It's a terrible punchline.

Right, got your meds.

Lay off the fags, we'll never need to see each other again.

Boom!

I can't pull that off, can I?

Nah. But you tried and that's why I love you.

Harriet's here. Shall I talk to her?

Having no baby, she is, like, 100% less interested in me,

which means I can get to the end of a conversation without wanting to kill her.

THEY CHUCKLE

She's not that bad.

-Mojo!

-Hm!

THEY CHUCKLE

-Harriet, how are we?

-Mojo!

Now, before we let you treat us,

baby and I want the truth.

How much sleep did you get last night?

-Loads.

-Tell Harry, no fibs.

-Two feeds, one random screaming abdab.

-Oh, dear.

Partner singing, "Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside",

to get Hector over said abdab.

Oh, the poor love! Is he still on that?

Listen, I'm telling you, white noise app.

It'll change your life.

So three, four hours. But, you know, I think that's pretty good.

We're starting to get into a really good routine.

-Caffeine?

-One extra-shot latte.

-Ooh!

-Sorry, can we get back to the part

where I'm the doctor and we're talking about you?

Must we?

Harriet, you have heart failure.

If you weren't pregnant, we would've already replaced

your pulmonary and tricuspid valves.

I'm afraid having a natural birth is no longer an option.

I know, I know.

But the good news is that your condition seems to have stabilised.

Well, like I keep saying,

the priority is that we keep this bun in the oven, yeah?

32 weeks really is the ideal for baby and me.

I keep telling you that there are no definites in gestation.

Mojo, trust me, there are!

You wait. You'll learn.

-BABY WAILS

-Ooh! Someone's in good voice!

I didn't know what to do! He's been crying since you left!

-Aw, are you OK, baby?

-He's burning up.

And, Mo, he's got a non-blanching rash.

-What's wrong?

-Nothing. Why?

Well, for starters, you totally dobbed me in

in front of Hanssen about being late.

Dobbed you in? Jesus, you're actually 12 years old.

And what is the problem with the mastectomy patient?

You can see he's bricking it.

He doesn't need you getting on his case.

So now the 12-year-old wants to tell me how to treat MY patients.

-OK.

-Look, I have complete control over that difficult patient.

I tried funny, didn't work.

I tried subservient, didn't work.

I asserted myself, he was like putty in my hands.

We've talked about this - there's a fine line

between confidence and arrogance.

I know what I'm good at, that's all.

Being manipulative?

It's called empathy.

Reading people.

OK. Go on, then, read me.

Darling, it literally couldn't be easier.

You're annoyed with me because I said you were late.

You're extra annoyed because I said you were late in front of Hanssen.

You're extra-extra annoyed I did it in front of Hanssen

because deep down, you want to impress him more than anyone else.

Because he's your replacement father figure.

Do you want me to continue?

Because I could go on about your little daddy complex for hours.

-Why do you need to be like this?

-Because I CAN read you.

And because while I'm fine with the fact that you slept with someone else last night,

I can't get over the fact that you're lying to me about it.

What...?!

I've spoken to Paeds.

Yeah, me, too. On their way over. Laura's on her way.

Full bloods, PCR, CRP and a protein level check.

-Ceftriaxone?

-Mm-hm.

Mo, the...the rash, the runny nose, the high temperature!

Hey, listen, it's not necessarily, you know...

You are allowed to say it, meningitis.

-Sorry, who are you?

-Harry. One of Mojo's mummy friends.

What, are you a doctor?

-SHE LAUGHS

-No!

Although a lot of my friends say I should be.

I'm just saying, from experience,

you know, it could easily be something else.

My second had one of those and it was just a viral thingy.

Cleared up after a big poo.

-Harriet, bed.

-Oh, yeah.

HARRIET CHUCKLES

OK.

What are you talking about?

Don't think about lying to me when you can't even get your alibi straight.

-What?!

-You weren't with Zosia, you were with him.

-DOM CHUCKLES

-What?

Why on earth would you think that?

I saw you outside together this morning.

Huh! I was trying to stop him from running away.

You know how advanced his cancer is,

and if he doesn't have this op, he isn't going to last the year.

And obviously, you never sleep with patients.

Apart from Kyle and Lee, and they're only the ones I know about.

-He isn't even gay.

-Oh, please!

He's so closeted and insecure about his manliness that he'd rather run away from hospital

than face up to the fact he's got breast cancer.

-I didn't sleep with him!

-Then where were you this morning?

Don't lie to me because I can't stand people lying to me.

No, what you do is you hurt people by telling the truth.

Like telling me how much you enjoy cheating on me.

I am not cheating on you! We agreed.

I know what we agreed, and it goes both ways.

It wasn't him, it was someone else.

Hey! Excuse me!

-Is everything OK?

-Not you, I was talking to him!

-You should have told me, that's all.

-Oi!

Can you not shout across the ward, please?

Look, can we talk about this later, please?

-Oi!

-Don't "oi" me. I'm trying to save your life here.

You'll treat me with a bit of respect!

-Huh? Respect?!

-Adam!

-You want some respect?!

CLANG!

How's this for respect, hm?! Hm?!

-What's that?

-The notes for Bed Three.

-Hm!

-You've already done Bed Three.

-Mm.

-I'm sorry, I was just really busy this morning.

And next, we have...

Ah, Frankie! Please tell me it's not another infected tattoo.

No, this one was legit.

-Nice.

-It looks painful.

You ain't seen nothing yet. Come and have a look at this.

Oh, I don't know if I want to see.

Brace yourselves, guys.

Not sure if I'm ready for this. I've only just had my breakfast.

Oh, for goodness' sake!

What is that?!

A corset piercing. It got a bit infected.

Er...no, that got a lot infected.

Why would you do that to yourself?

-Because it looks sick.

-Yeah.

-It certainly does.

Get them out and IV antibiotics,

FBC, U&Es, LFTs and a group and save. Pen, please.

Make sure it doesn't get any bigger than that.

I gave you the "safe piercings" lecture last time, didn't I?

Nice to see that you listened(!)

Er...Ms Campbell...?

You know, Jason likes this TV show -

a bunch of idiots get their dreadful tattoos

turned into a flower, or...or a skull. It's funny.

She's not funny, she's a bed-blocker and I want her gone ASAP.

OK. OK.

-Wow! She's in a charming mood this morning(!)

-Yep.

What?

I don't know why she does this to herself, you know.

Body modifications are one thing,

but she's been admitted three times already with infections.

-OK, just don't.

-What?

-You're doing the Michael and Ted thing again.

-What?

Picking holes in things.

Ms Campbell's in a bad mood today - let's just do things her way, OK?

-OK.

-Dr Burrows?!

Look, just back off me, all right?! Just...just back off me!

All right!

-What?!

-You need to calm down. OK?

Or you'll be refused the right to surgery.

Good. I don't want surgery anyway. I just want to go home.

Right. You're free to go.

-I'll be seeing you later, mate!

-Get him out of here.

-Are you OK?

-Get off me!

Oh, grumpy face!

Ow!

You OK?

This one's a kicker. Definitely a boy.

Laura says they're clearing a bed on Paeds,

but until then, all we can do is keep him under observation

and wait on the tests. I might go and see how they're getting on.

We only sent them five minutes ago.

Right. Right, OK. So...we wait.

Yeah.

I'm going to go and prep a lobectomy.

You really think you should be going to theatre now?!

I didn't say I'm going to theatre, I said I'm going to prep.

Oh. OK. I'm sorry.

(Derwood, it's all going to be all right.)

BABY WHIMPERS

Hey.

Oh, Mojo, you are so, so brave,

being able to carry on with work.

I know there's nothing you can do, but if it was me,

I don't think you'd be able to prise him from my arms.

No, honestly, he just snapped.

Anyway, I'm glad it's over, I just want to get back to work.

Very well. Mr Clarkson's surgery will be cancelled

and he'll be escorted off the premises.

We'll make an official complaint

and notify the police to start an investigation into the assault.

-Really?

-Zero tolerance.

Reconvene in my office in half an hour, please.

Come on, lads, let me go, all right?

Let me go, yeah? Please.

Mr Hanssen, can I have a word? It's important.

Yes, of course.

Come on, don't be like that.

All right, fine!

Jas? Jas? You treated Frankie before, didn't you,

when she was admitted with an eating disorder?

-Can you remember if her boyfriend was with her?

-Er...

-Do you want some help?

-No.

Dr Burrows, I'm still waiting on that ABG result.

-Two minutes.

-Sure you're OK?

-Yeah, I'm fine.

-Dr Burrows?

-Two secs!

-Frankie's boyfriend?

-Oh, er...yeah, he was much older than her.

Did a lot of her tattoos himself. Seemed a bit up himself.

Gloves.

Just call me back, OK?

Please?

Please!

No, no, no, no, no.

-What's going on?

-Essie!

-What about her?

She was there while I was talking to Adam this morning

and now she's going to make out like I provoked him!

OK. Firstly, Essie wouldn't do that,

and secondly, so what if you were a bit short with him?

-He tried to assault you!

-Great(!) A little bit short.

You're blaming me as well!

Well, you did kind of yell at him.

Yes! Because you'd just thrown into my face

the fact you'd slept with someone else and lied to me about it!

Mr Mayfield? A word, please.

I'm sorry you had to witness that little domestic.

Yes, well, that's not why you're here.

No, I'm here because I lost my temper.

So I would appeal to you to let Mr Clarkson stay.

I should have realised he was a sensitive patient.

If you agree, I'll be more than happy to let the incident go.

So, you're admitting you provoked the situation, are you?

-I presume he's made a complaint against me?

-Indeed.

Mr Clarkson was behaving in a threatening manner towards other patients.

I felt defensive on their behalf.

I raised my voice.

Hm. You also made a comment about his cancer being a terrible punchline.

-It was a joke.

-Perhaps you should learn to be a little funnier.

Regardless, Mr Clarkson did assault you and therefore,

arrangements will be made for his surgery to be carried out elsewhere.

Look, with due respect, given how advanced his condition is,

I don't think he can afford to wait for another slot.

-Would you be happy for him to be treated here?

-More than happy.

In fact, I would like to assist with his surgery.

And you think Mr Clarkson would consent?

I think he will.

Please, just let me talk to him.

Apologise for speaking out of turn

and prove to you that there's no bad feelings on my side.

Very well.

If you can get Mr Clarkson to drop the complaint

and agree to have surgery,

I'll be happy to put this morning behind us.

Thank you.

-Where's Mr Clarkson?

-You just missed him.

He said he didn't want to wait for us to decide to chuck him out.

-What do you think you're doing?!

-Saving your life.

ALARM WAILS

Well, it's not colic, so it must be fusspottitis.

Yes, fusspottitis. We think so.

Have you tried Watson's Crying It Out?

I thought that wasn't recommended any more?

So say your journals. Meanwhile, in the real world...

Journals are the real world.

You know, real things, proved by real scientists,

rather than nuggets of anecdotal wisdom picked off internet sites.

New mummy hormones?

Darling, I understand.

I once threw a sippy cup at someone, you know.

PHONE RINGS

MO SIGHS

Mo.

Uh-huh.

OK. Um...thank you.

Yeah, he's with me. I'll...I'll let him know.

Bye.

Well?

All clear.

Oh, hooray!

There's nothing at all?

It's a fever and a bit dehydrated.

They reckon it's just a viral infection.

Ah! There you go.

And he probably needs a big poo, too. Don't you? Yes!

A big poo.

Right, I'm heading to the scrub room.

(You tell Harry to shove her advice up her bum.)

As for you, little man, you need to grow a pair.

Viral infection! Pfft!

Why won't you talk to me?

Look, I'm sorry for the way I treated you.

I was rude and unprofessional.

But that doesn't change the fact that unless you have this operation, you will die.

Yeah? Well, maybe I'll just cut it out myself.

Well, you wouldn't be the first to try.

And pass out from the blood loss.

Huh! I'm good at that.

Blood loss.

I don't doubt it.

Bet you've caused a fair bit of it, too.

You got a mouth on you, you know that?

Yeah, well, I've had a bad day.

That's why I've been a bit off.

What, trouble with the missus?

Yeah. Well, you could say that.

Found out this morning she's been sleeping with someone else.

And then you have to go and bump into me.

Now, that's what I call a bad day.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

And being made a fool of made me want to hurt somebody.

-You understand that.

-I don't fight to hurt people.

What, so, there's no hate in it?

-I-I didn't say that.

-So, who, then?

Who do you hate?

Do you know what, I ain't got no time for this!

We're not going anywhere.

That was the emergency stop.

Only an engineer can get it started again.

Believe me, they take ages.

ADAM SIGHS

We're sure it's the emergency stop, are we?

Yes. There's someone on the way.

I don't like this. I hope Isaac's OK.

I'll chase them up.

So, come on...

..if there was one person you could be in the cage with,

who you could be stuck in here with now, who would it be?

A rival?

Nemesis?

Your mum?

Dad?

Dad. It's always the dad.

Foster dad. I didn't know my parents.

Yeah, me neither. Care kid?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Me and my sister...

..we went through four until one stuck.

And he liked to knock me about.

He used to hang a belt over the end of my bed.

Wake me up at night...

..and set about me.

Yeah. So, yeah, him!

You're not laughing any more.

Because I know you were.

You think it's funny...

..a hard lad like me gets breast cancer.

You pretend like it isn't, but it is.

It's funny.

-No.

-No?!

Just like you said, it's just a job.

You're right.

And you leave here now...you might survive a year.

You let us operate,

you might be back in the ring in a couple of weeks.

The foster dad, is he still alive?

Prison.

Otherwise, he wouldn't be.

-When's he out?

-Three years.

I can give you three years.

You could be stood outside waiting for him.

Use up some of that hate.

Um...Mr Hanssen, I should have said, earlier was my fault.

-Really?

-Well, we'd had a fight and I wound him up.

Yes, and he took it out on his patient.

-Well, yes, but...

-So, exactly how is that your fault?

-DING!

-Oh, it's moving.

Ah! Mr Hanssen, the very man.

I just wanted to let you know that Mr Clarkson here

has consented to me assisting Mr Levy.

That way.

-Are you OK?

-Yes, of course.

Hi.

Can I ask you a really annoying question?

Please tell me to butt out if you want

because I know you must get asked it all the time.

-Why do I do it?

-Yeah.

You know, all have my friends have tats and mods.

It's only when I come in here everybody thinks I'm a freak.

They make me feel good.

And my boyfriend really digs them, too.

That's a bit of a pathetic reason, though, right?

Well, it is quite an extreme way to impress someone.

Ah, well, we all want to impress someone, don't we?

Mummy, Daddy, the kid who bullied you at school.

-Ms Campbell?

-Hm?

The way she's going, your friend will kill herself

trying to impress the scary, shouty lady.

What are you doing here?

I was paged.

I assumed you had changed your mind about assisting.

-Er...no.

-Gentlemen.

Mr Levy has agreed that I will be performing today's mastectomy,

and, as it's a very rare procedure to be performed on a man,

I thought both of you might value the opportunity to scrub in.

Any questions?

So, am I assisting, or...?

You both are.

Or perhaps I'll be assisting you.

Hello!

Mr T. Good to see you. Are you all right?

Good, thank you.

Mo, can I have a word, please?

Little bit busy. Hector OK?

Yep. Yeah, he's absolutely fine. He's with Laura on Paeds.

In fact, I've actually got his baby monitor

through an app on my smartwatch. Listen.

GURGLING

Cute. A bit geeky.

-It is a bit, isn't it?

-Was that it?

-Er...no. No, no.

Um...I'm a bit worried about Harry Jacobson.

Was she complaining about abdo pains to you?

Yeah. She said it was the baby kicking.

Yeah, she said the same thing to me. I'm not so sure.

I'm a bit worried it might be ascites.

-Have you spoken to Zosh?

-Yes. Yes, I have.

In fact, we had a...a bit of a disagreement about it.

She's a bit cross that I went over her head, but, um...

Mo, I really think you should check it out.

Eh!

OK, seriously, Jas, take a break.

-No, I can't. Serena...

-..will allow you to take a break.

Look, let me go and speak to her.

No! No, please don't do that.

Isn't she from Pysch?

Well, Frankie was admitted with an oesophageal rupture

and now she's having extreme body modifications...

Yeah. I'm just surprised Serena signed off on a consult.

Please tell me you asked.

What's going on here?

Frankie was admitted with a condition

that's associated with eating disorders.

-So...?

-I just thought it was worth checking

that the body mods weren't a symptom of anything else.

Doesn't take a psychiatrist to realise someone with bulimia, doing that...

No, it doesn't. So, why was a referral made without my permission?

Well, I couldn't find you.

There's got to be something wrong with her if she keeps coming back.

-Mm-hm.

-So refer her for an outpatient appointment.

Get rid of Psych and unblock that bed!

-Ms Campbell, it was me...

-I so don't care!

I do not have time for silly little girls on my ward today.

You like to keep your hand in, Mr Hanssen? In surgery?

-Quite.

-That's good to know.

A lesser man than I might suspect he was being kept an eye on.

Your spirit of forgiveness and powers of persuasion,

Mr Mayfield, proclaim that you're anything other than a lesser man.

Would you care to lead?

Pleasure.

Why did you go back to Harry?

Oh, because she's got a really great white noise app

and she knows quite a lot about babies.

Is that a problem?

-No, not at all. Just wondering.

-Good.

Anyway, so Zosia's put her on oxygen,

but I really do think that at 32 weeks,

we can really press ahead and maybe...

Yeah, but don't you find her, like, really annoying?

Yes, she is really annoying,

but she knows what I'm going through, as a fellow baby vet.

I think that's a veteran rather than veterinarian...

What, and I don't know what you're going through?

Sor..? I didn't mean that at all!

BLEEPING

OK, I'm sorry, I was wrong.

Bilateral crepitations, and sats are going down.

-Dopamine infusion?

-She's already on furosemide.

If we leave it any longer, we're in danger of foetal distress.

OK, get a trolley, we need to get her into theatre.

No! No, Mr Mayfield,

you're right into the pectoralis major there. You went in too deep. May I?

Right. Yeah, that should be sufficient.

Of course, we've got to be careful not to de-vascularise it

or buttonhole it.

So I need you to have a feel of the skin-flap thickness, please.

-Of course.

-Dr Copeland?

Oh, um... No, it's fine, Mr Mayfield can do it.

Yes, I'm sure he can, but I'm asking you.

You'll be leading now.

Ms Campbell, um...

can I, er...can I have a word, please?

In here?

It's unofficial.

Clearly.

Are you OK?

I know you're not a fan of talking about things.

I have absolutely no idea what you can be referring to.

I'm fine.

Well, I'm not, obviously, but I am coping.

Thank you for your concern.

You know, Serena, um...

After Arthur died, I...

Well, I was a mess.

And I know a lot of the time, I took it out on other people.

You think I'm being too harsh on Dr Burrows.

I know she's your F1 and I know she's made mistakes,

but you are on her case a lot.

You're right, I am.

Dr Burrows has the makings of an excellent physician.

I want her to achieve that, so, yes, I am going to be on her case.

A lot.

Thank you.

Good.

Just so I know, are you going to call a Psych consult on me?

-All done.

-Well, get back in there and prep for a double valve.

Hello!

Obs and Gynae are short-staffed and he's still technically an employee.

Yes. I've got Hector on my watch

and I'm poised and ready for action if needed. Let's do this!

I risk getting beaten up to get that patient into theatre and that's how he treats me?!

-Like what? He was just...

-I always knew he had it in for me.

Ever since you lied about that endarterectomy diagnosis.

But to humiliate me like that in front of everyone...!

I really don't think that was his intention.

Oh, grow up, Dom, of course it was.

And you loved it, didn't you?

Hanging on to his every word, like a little lapdog!

HE SIGHS

You see, cooling to the level of normal bypass

actually risks hypothermia for the foetus,

but this way, the pulse actually protects the womb

and the kidneys, of course.

Yes, I have seen one before.

Oh, yeah, of course, sorry. Sorry. Just a bit excited, that's all.

BABY CRIES

-Is that...?

-No, no, no, that's normal crying.

BABY WAILS

Right, that is proper crying now.

You know, Harry here swears by the whole Crying It Out method.

Reckons we're being overly attentive as parents.

-Does she?

-Yeah.

It works both ways!

# Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside

# Oh, I do like to be beside the sea

# Oh, I do like to walk along the prom, prom, prom...#

Hi.

Thank you...for coming.

Look, we need to sort this.

I'm so sorry for the way that I've been.

Yeah, well, I'm sorry, too.

I lied.

I didn't sleep with anyone last night.

I just...

I wanted to see your reaction.

See if it hurt you the same way that it hurts me.

But that's wrong.

We shouldn't be trying to hurt each other.

No.

I actually did stay at Zosia's.

And then, this morning, before work,

I visited Arthur's grave.

I didn't want to tell you that

because I know you think I already talk about him too much.

Clearly, this whole

open-relationship thing isn't working.

It's doing my head in.

And it's clearly doing yours in, as well.

It's not.

-Yeah, it is.

-I'm telling you that it's not.

The only thing that's doing my head in is you.

Getting all jealous, making me feel like the bad guy

because I'm actually doing something about it.

Huh!

Right, so, it's my fault for

not jumping into bed with the first random person I see?

Well, it's not going to work if only one of us is doing it.

Well, exactly. So clearly, we should stop doing it.

You haven't even tried.

Look, there's this guy who I've known from way back.

He sent me a message saying he likes your pics.

So, now you're setting me up?

All I'm saying is, let's go for a drink and see what happens.

Oh, come on, Dom, don't go all weird.

No. No, Isaac, this...this is weird.

# Where the brass band plays tiddly...#

No, I can't see to excise the pulmonary valve. More light, please!

-RAPID BEEPING

-Is that mother or baby?

Ollie, check the CTG!

Yeah. Er...foetal heart rate, 60 BPM.

-No, see, that's bradycardic.

-RAPID BLEEPING

Right, right! OK, the baby's got to come out now!

Prepare for a C-section, please!

Can you get someone down from Obs and Gynae? I'm going to scrub in.

Thanks.

Mr Clarkson, I'm glad to say the operation was a complete success.

Good.

Yeah, that's all looking fine.

I'll get Nurse Harrison to check in on you later,

but for now, just try and rest. You definitely made the right decision.

It's a strong motivator...hate.

-Yes, it is.

-You've got a lot of it in you, ain't you?

More than usual people.

-I don't know what you mean.

-I think you do.

You see, me, I fight.

But you...

..you want to watch out, keeping that all inside you.

That doctor.

What's hate going to make you do to him?

-Who?

-The one you've been arguing with all day.

Dr...Dr Copeland.

-I'm sorry, I...

-Don't play stupid with me.

It's obvious.

You can't stand him.

You hate his guts.

No, you're wrong.

I love him.

-What?

-He's my partner. The missus.

What? You got a problem with that?

Not going to attack me for being a poof, are you?

No.

I was just thinking...

..if you really love him...

..I dread to think how you would treat people that you don't like.

ADAM GASPS FOR BREATH

BLEEP!

What? No, no, no!

ADAM COUGHS

Um...so I heard you were being pretty pally

with Serena outside the toilets earlier.

Well, um...yeah. I just wanted to see if she was OK.

I mean, she was that snappy with you...

Oh, no, please say you didn't mention me!

-FRANKIE GASPS FOR BREATH

-E-Excuse me, I can't...

-BEEPING

-I can't...!

-It hurts! It hurts!

-OK. Just try and lie back for me, please.

-BP 80/60.

-I don't get it!

FRANKIE COUGHS

We forgot the polish.

OK, um...can I get new bloods, a bedside echo and an ECG, please?

Just try and breathe for me, Frankie. It's OK.

Try and breathe.

Splinter haemorrhages.

Infective endocarditis.

OK, Darwin's full, so you need to page someone from Cardiothoracics to get down here now.

Mr Levy, too. His BP's dropped through the floor.

It has to be a pulmonary embolus.

But they never develop that quickly.

I know, but I don't know what else it can be, OK?

How are we doing down there?

Baby Jacobson is not wanting to play.

-BLEEPING

-Baby again.

-What's happening?

-Er...

Nearly. Er...yes. OK, good.

And...baby...is...out.

Clamps, please. Great.

Ha-ha-ha! He's lovely!

-BABY WAILS

-He?

Yep. She was right, Mo.

OK, on me, please.

OK. Thank you. Are you all right to finish off?

-I'm going to get Hector.

-Give him a kiss from me.

-Will do.

OK, Ollie, as soon as I'm done here...

I'll close up. Yep, don't worry.

You can go and sort that out. Him! I'm sorry, I mean him.

-Good.

-Right, and we are done.

Mum fine, baby fine. Boom!

Thanks, everyone!

So our colleague from Psych didn't happen to spot Roth's spots,

splinter haemorrhages,

or any of the other symptoms associated with endocarditis.

The patient was wearing nail varnish.

Oh, you clocked that, did you, Dr Burrows,

how pretty her nails were,

rather than, oh, I don't know something that might have

stopped her blowing a heart valve or developing septic embolism?

Ms Campbell, it was actually me...

Frankie is your patient. You've now made too many mistakes.

I've informed the deanery, I'm giving you an official warning.

-What?!

-I'm sorry.

Don't be sorry. Be better.

-Hang on, Ms Campbell...

-Something else?

-No.

Why didn't you let me say something?!

Just don't. I screwed up, OK? She's got every right to be angry.

Yeah, but at both of us! Look, I know she's grieving...

Do you really think after everything that happened with Ric...

-Oh, you can't let that get in the way!

-Yes, I can!

Yes, I can, OK?

So, would you just stop obsessing over my life

and go and get one of your own?!

Charge to 150.

-Ready.

-Clear! Shock!

No effect. OK, charge again to 150.

-Ready.

-Clear! Shock!

No effect. Charge to 200!

-Ready.

-Clear! Shock!

I'm calling it. Time of death, 13:58.

ZOSIA SIGHS

He's happy now, isn't he?

-Ssh!

-Oh, sorry.

Yeah, works just like his mum.

-Don't make him angry.

-Huh!

It's great that Harry and her baby are doing so well, isn't it?

Yeah. Shame we're not.

Theatre.

You were more happy in there than I've seen you in months.

I'm happy at home, as well, you know.

I'm probably just too tired to show it.

Yeah, the thing is, I don't think I am - happy.

I mean, I'm tired, definitely tired.

Yeah, but... No, hang on.

What do you mean?

I thought we had it all sorted.

I go back to work, you stay at home.

Yeah. That's what you wanted, isn't it?

Yeah, it was.

It's just that I think I chose the thing that terrified me the least.

I know how to be a doc, but I have no idea how to be a mum.

DERWOOD SIGHS

At the moment, I don't really feel like I'm that good a doctor, anyway.

I can't go through one minute in theatre without worrying about him.

Oh!

This is really hard, isn't it?

This is really, really hard!

Oh, God!

Come here.

-DERWOOD SIGHS

-Oh!

Did I get you in trouble with the scary, shouty lady?

Hm! Nah.

My mum always said I was a troublemaker.

What does she think about your body mods?

Surprisingly, not a big fan.

You do know that you don't need them, don't you?

To be special.

Um...hang on.

Did...did you tell that nice psychiatrist lady to talk to me?

The whole bulimia thing. Makes sense.

Well, um...well, I was worried.

Aw! Cute.

Nah, I'm...I'm better now and that's not why I do this.

So, why do you do it?

I told you, there's no great mystery.

They just make me feel good.

It's...it's fun.

Hm!

Don't worry, I'm not getting all weepy.

That wouldn't make me worry.

I'm trying to figure out what went wrong!

There wasn't anything we could do.

God, I hate it when people say that!

Of course there was something I could do! There's always something!

This isn't working.

Any of it.

I think we should break up.

You don't mean that, you're emotional.

Yes, I am.

But it's nothing to do with Adam.

It's you.

I can't function like this.

You're not even listening to me!

-I am!

-Then...?

OK.

Huh!

-That's it?

-That's it.

You're right, and I don't blame you.

I think we should break up.

-It went well.

-Oh! You've no idea how much I want to see him.

I can imagine. But he's absolutely perfect.

-Where's yours?

-Asleep in my office.

Don't worry, there is a nurse with him.

THEY CHUCKLE

I envy you, you know that?

-Really?

-I'm all on my own.

My children and I barely see my husband.

He works away, a lot.

-PHONE RINGS

-Oh, is that your husband now?

No, it's Mummy.

I moved her in after my first and I've not let her leave.

She's my right-hand woman.

-Oh, good. So you've got some support.

-Mother does her best.

And, of course, there's no way I could cope

without my Nanny One and Nanny Two.

And Kazia and Jolanta, my au pairs, are godsends.

What, so, there's...there's five adults?

Yes. So we're now officially outnumbered.

-PHONE RINGS

-Which reminds me, I should get this.

Mummy. Yes, all fine.

How are you getting on with the interviews for Nanny Three?

We're definitely going to need her.

So, three nannies, two au pairs and her mother?

Oh, that makes me feel so much better!

THEY CHUCKLE

-Sorry coffee.

-Oh.

I probably owe you one.

You do have a life, even if it is about as tragic as mine.

Ah-ah! I'm not picking holes in things any more.

I'm resolving to make myself happy.

Ooh, that sounds like a plan.

And, um...how about I stop pestering you about your love life?

-And I'll butt out of your professional life?

-Yeah.

And how about pizza tonight? I'm buying.

Ooh, moneybags!

I know I've acted appallingly.

And I know I have issues letting people in.

If you want to know the truth...

..ever since we first met, I've been terrified about you seeing the real me.

The one inside.

And to be honest, throughout my life,

I've found most people don't want that.

I'm not most people.

I know.

And that scares me.

At work, it's fine to be distant.

It's commendable, even.

To keep up the unflappable facade,

the sense that you're in control of everything.

But away from work, I...

..I can't seem to switch it off.

-Why?

-I think...

..because of my father.

I mean, with him, everything had to be controlled, including me.

He told me he wasn't interested in me unless I succeeded.

Everything else was an affront to him. It was reprehensible.

You see? Confession number one.

Hypocrisy.

Here's me accusing you of having daddy issues.

Your father's a doctor, isn't he?

He was.

He had a stroke during surgery and retired.

Overnight, he went from this...

..upright, principled man I loved and admired to this...

..broken, bitter and twisted...

He wasn't the same.

After that, he hated everything.

He resented me and Mum.

And the things he'd say to her...

He was a monster.

He'd belittle us every opportunity he'd get.

Scream at us.

Humiliate us.

He was the worst kind of...

..bully.

And the thing that I'm most scared of is that...

..I'm turning into him.

-Hey...

-Don't!

Please, I...I need help.

Because even this, even you trying to comfort me,

I can't...I can't bear it!

Isaac, this is exactly what you need to do.

This is a relationship.

Do you realise this is the closest I've ever felt to you?

And it's because it's real!

There's no facade.

You're not trying to stay in control!

Just let go.

Let me in.

Let me see the real you.

You don't mean that.

Yes, I do.

Isaac, you could tell me anything.

Tell me the worst thing.

He was violent.

You know, at night, I'd...

..hear him knock my mum around.

And when he was finished with her...

He used to hang a belt...

..over the end of the bed.

And if I wasn't awake when he came in...

..he'd wake me up...

..and set about me.

I don't deserve you!

-Don't be silly.

-I don't!

It's OK, it's OK.

It's OK.

Derwood?

What...what time is it?

-Nearly six.

-Oh. Right, I'll do the feed, then.

-No, no, listen.

-No, I don't mind doing...

-Listen!

I've been an idiot.

What have you done now?!

I've been running away from the thing that scares me,

but the thing that scares me is what I want the most.

I didn't understand any of that. I'm...I'm very tired.

I am tired of running.

I want both.

-Yeah?

-Mm.

Oh, good!

Because...I was thinking,

-why don't you go part-time?

-I want to go part-time.

-Are you OK with that?

-Are you OK with that?

-Oh!

-Oh!

Oh, well, then, let's do it.

-Team Hector?

-Yeah! Team Hector.

Heh!

-He's still asleep, you know.

-Oh.

-Do you fancy...?

-Well, do you think we should?

Mm-mm!

Come on, then.

-Mm! Night-night.

-Night-night.

Come on, then, pizza lady.

So...not Ted, not Michael, but...Nathan!

Not bad!

Look at his quote.

"We are what we pretend to be,

"so we must be careful about what we pretend to be."

-It's from Mother Night.

-Right.

It's Kurt Vonnegut. He's, like, my second FAVOURITE author of all time!

Have you swiped right?

Not yet. You reckon I should?

What are you doing?!

Oh, Morv, I love you,

but there are only so many girlie nights a girl can take.

-Oh!

-Yay!

I've never told anybody that.

And I meant it.

How I'll get help.

I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to talk to me again, but...

..would you...

..help me?

Yes.

I'm not ready to give up on us just yet.

-And I'm not calling that guy.

-Hm!

I do love you, you know.

That's something else I've never told anyone.

So...what do you need...from me?

Right now?

Gin. DOM CHUCKLES

Good call.