Episode 5 Hustle

That was a fantastic meal.

Well the pleasure was all ours, Albert, really.

-It was Luigi's, actually, let's get a move on.

-The rest of the day is yours, Albert.

-What would you like to do?

-Your wish is our command.

-How about the first flight to Vegas?

-Well, we thought maybe bungee jumping over the Thames.

Or go-karting?

-I'll whoop your ass, young whippersnapper!

-You probably would!

Oh, let me see. I know what. I'm feeling nostalgic.

How about a snifter at The Royal Mayfair Club.

It's where I roped my first mark.

Sounds good to me.

It's a huge, domed atrium, filled with natural light.

But more importantly has the best choice of brandies

this side of Paris!

Let's do it.

I see what you mean about the natural light.

It was an iconic building.

A monument to Anglo-American relations.

Roped some of my biggest marks there, ever.

And the soulless son-of-a-bitch who pulled it down should be strung up.

Better still, Albert, let's hit him where it really hurts.

Agreed.

So who is he?

It turns out that Starfire Property Holdings is owned by none other than Dale Ridley.

-Dale who?

-Ridley.

You know, "Ding-dong, that's my song!"

I think it's time you took your pill, mate!

Never mind, they're too young.

Back in the day in the late '80s, he was game-show gold.

Big hair, big teeth and more cheese than the Cheddar Gorge.

Take a butchers at this. Albert.

THEME MUSIC PLAYS

'It's Friday, and its live from London City Studios,

'it's the greatest game show on Earth, Ding-Dong That's My Song!

'Tonight's fabulous prizes include a personal stereo,

'an electronic typewriter, and a luxury caravan holiday for four!

'And here's your host - Dale Ridley!'

So, Julia...

'Tell me about yourself.'

-This is painful.

-Oh, dear.

RECORDING SPOOLS FORWARD

Was it A, Howard Jones.

B, A-Ha.

Or C, Bronski Beat?

LAUGHTER ON RECORDING

BELL DINGS

Oh! Ding-dong, that's my song!

Ding-dong, that's my song.

Excruciating I know, but every Saturday night 15 million of us were glued to that crap.

Were you?

Well when I say "us", I don't mean me, obviously. I mean us as a nation.

Ah, right.

-Anyway, I was more, erm...I was more World About Us.

-Obviously.

-What happened to Ridley?

-Fame and fortune went to his head. He reckoned he was the saviour of commercial TV.

He started trying to push them around, making petty demands when it was time for a new contract.

What finished him was a big TV charity night.

London City Studios got him on tape demanding

20% of whatever the charity made in return for hosting it.

Next morning, it was all over the papers. And that was that.

-The network fired him and no-one else would touch him.

-What did he do next?

He crawled back to his Birmingham mansion and hid.

And five years later, he re-emerged as a property entrepreneur.

First thing he did was buy an old folk's home.

The moment he had his hands on it, he shut it down,

turfed out 35 OAPs and then brought in the bulldozers.

A month later, he sold it to a developer for twice what he paid for it.

So he stuck at it, only this time on a much bigger scale.

Victorian warehouses, factories, historic mills,

all in great locations bought at knock down prices,

often before they've even come on to the market.

-How?

-Backhanders to local councillors, agents, consultants.

They made sure sales were completed before anyone else got a look in.

-How come no-one cottoned on to the bribery?

-It seems they did.

He upset developers, councils and heritage groups from Leicester to Ludlow.

-That's when he started buying property in London.

-Where's he based?

Right now, he's staying at the Union House Hotel.

-It just so happens I play poker with the concierge there.

-Surprise!

-How long's he in town?

-Less than a week.

-OK, then, no time to lose. Let's get out there and find a way in.

Ding-dong, eh, ladies?

Ding-dong, that's my song. Eh?

Bloody tourists!

Oi!

Hello, sir?

Two theatre tickets, tonight, decent seats. Nothing too intellectual. Sort it, yeah?

-I've got those spreadsheets to do tonight.

-I'm not taking you, you oaf!

I fancy a blonde tonight. Big but small, know what I mean? Sort it, yeah?

PHONE RINGS

-Big but small...

-Hello, baby dream, I was just thinking about you and Dale Junior.

Have you been in touch with the heritage people yet?

I'm waiting for a call back.

-Make sure you deal with a man.

-Why?

Women have scruples. Bad for business.

-Right.

-Take him to a fancy restaurant, fill him full of vodka,

take him to a titty bar, and then hit him with the money.

Oh, right, OK.

It's only my old boss always used to say

never mix business with pleasure.

Really?

Let me ask you this, Gibbs. How big was his yacht?

-I don't think he had one.

-Really?

How many Ferraris in his garage?

He didn't.

No? Surprise, surprise.

You starting to get the picture?

There are no boundaries between business and pleasure.

Oh, right, I get it.

So, if you enjoy what you do, it's all pleasure.

No, you thicko. Rule one. It's all business.

Stick around, kid. Learn from the master.

What was it?

The National Victorian Library.

It should burn well, then. That would save money on the bulldozers.

How big's the site? Square feet?

Just under 8,000.

Too small. I want scale.

-I want impressive.

-What, bigger than this?

There's barely room to swing a heritage commissioner in it.

Think Premiership, not Conference.

It's difficult in London. There's a lot more competition.

Rule one. Do not be afraid of competition.

Nobody wants to win a one-horse race.

I thought rule one was...

Shut it!

Come on.

-What have we got?

-You were right about how he does business.

He pays off agents, council officials and heritage commissioners to make sure the deal goes his way,

and always for the right price.

His motto is "Everybody has their price".

Ah, well, why hasn't he been prosecuted?

He never does the dirty deed himself.

He leaves it to an apprentice.

-Three employees have done time in the last five years.

-And they never squeal?

-Almost certainly, and Ridley never leaves a trail.

-What about his corporate structure?

He runs all his projects through Starfire Property Holdings.

-But puts profits into offshore accounts to avoid tax.

-How big is his operation?

It's difficult to get exact figures but about eight deals a year, three to five million pounds each.

He's got his eyes set on bigger opportunities here in London.

-So we need to find something that'll float his boat.

-A tasty little deal, somewhere.

What about...a tasty big deal?

Seems London City Studios are up for sale.

Bit out of his league, isn't it?

-Exactly.

-That means he'll need partners.

-He's going to love this, isn't he, eh?

The smell of easy money, the kudos of the big deal, and, the icing on the cake, revenge.

He gets to be involved in tearing down the studios.

-What a sweet little plan, Michael.

-And the best bit is the bidding's about to close.

Excuse me, do you know where I can find Three Socks Morgan?

Who wants to know?

Which one of yous is Three Socks Morgan?

-You don't remember me, do you?

-Er...no. Should I?

Relax. You're not my dad or anything weird like that.

Lucky for you.

The thought never crossed my mind.

So, who are you, kid?

It's me. Alfie Beezer.

Your godson?

Course you are. Yeah, the eyes.

-Where's your dad?

-He's at the airport.

Eh?

"Dear Ash, sorry to do this to you,

"but I need you to look after the kid for a few days.

"I had to get on a plane to Amsterdam to salvage a big score.

"The kid's nan's in Spain and I was stuck,

"so I thought it was time you did your Godfatherly thing.

"I owe you big time. Love, Beezer.

"PS. Watch the kid, he's a slippery sod."

The last bit's a lie.

If I do this...

you got to choose a card, remember it, and if I guess it,

give me a pound coin.

Yeah, all right, yeah.

Was it the ace of hearts?

Gor blimey! How did he do that? Here you are.

Johnny Beezer was a roper I worked with back in the '90s.

He got his bird up the duff,

and, hey presto, along comes little Alfie there.

So me and Beezer down a few pints to celebrate. Eight pints in and he asks me to be godfather.

What could I say?

Probably not a lot after eight pints.

-And that was the last time I saw him.

-How come?

Cos the next day Beezer found out that Alfie's mum was

-having it away with her gyny.

-What, while she was...?

Well, each to his own.

Anyway, Beezer takes Alfie back to Manchester to live with his nan.

Haven't seen him since.

Well, we can't work a con while we're looking after a kid.

-No, I'll talk to Beezer.

-Can I borrow a pound?

Yeah, all right.

If I can make this pound disappear,

without you knowing where it's gone, can I keep it?

Yeah, go on, then.

Do that again.

I need another pound.

Hang on, here.

What if we took it in turns to look after him?

The kid could be a complete liability.

I won't be, I promise.

-Ey! You should be in bed.

-Maybe I can help.

You can help by going back to bed.

I've worked on Dad's cons loads of times.

I won't be any trouble, I promise.

-That's not what your dad said.

-He was joking.

Oh, please?

Well, we all got to start somewhere.

All right, maybe he could just help out behind the scenes, back here?

Your responsibility.

-Why mine?

-Cos you were the first to crack.

Fine.

OK, kid, it's agreed. You're in.

-Yes!

-And when we're busy, Eddie can baby-sit.

If he can afford it. The kid's already taken him for 20.

25, actually.

LAUGHTER

OK, then, let's get started.

-I thought I was going do something.

-Stop complaining. You said you wanted a burger, you've had one.

-You said I was going to be involved in the con.

-You will be.

-Doing what?

-I don't know yet. Something back in the apartment.

-That sounds boring. Why can't I be the roper?

Because Albert's the roper. And you're only 11.

That can be an advantage sometimes. No-one suspects an 11-year-old.

They would if they met you.

Look, if you don't want me to do anything, I can just watch.

Alfie, can we stop talking? Just for five minutes.

PHONE RINGS

-Hi, Ash.

-Do you want to see a trick?

-What?

-Hold this and wait here.

Yes, all right, go on, then.

I'm exhausted!

I've done the London Eye and he's had some food, so now we're on our way back. OK?

..he won't shut up.

Literally. He's just on and on at me, all the time...

Yeah, yeah, he's got all the questions, I can't answer them. I'm coming home.

..No, Ash, listen to me, I'm coming home.

It's Sean's turn, or your turn.

Excuse me, can you just hold this for me?

All right.

Cheers.

OK. I'll see you later.

What?

Flippin' heck!

I want the next flight home.

They can't exclude us from the sale just because we're Americans!

Not officially, they can't. But at the end of the day,

if the chairman's got some grudge against Americans, there's not a hell of a lot we can do about it.

You found that out just now? In 24 hours the bidding closes.

I only found out because their consultants told me an hour ago

the chairman was cleaned out by his American ex-wife.

Look, Henry, come on, we can't win 'em all.

Let me set you straight, Strickland.

I never lose.

As soon as I get to Boston, I'm going to contact my lawyers

and have them start legal proceedings against London City Studios.

I want...that...site.

Yeah, OK.

Good.

Wait here.

I'm Henry Sellworth, checking out.

I'd like some information... on our American friends.

Bandit at two o'clock.

Keep going.

-A little busy right now, kid.

-Whoa! Was that the mark?

Rrr! Mickey, I'm sorry, he just slipped away. Do we have a problem?

-I don't think so.

-OK.

-SHE LAUGHS

-That was, er, really funny.

-I just wanted to help.

Well, you pull something like that again and you're in big trouble, mister.

Get over here...!

See you in Boston. OK.

-This is incredible!

-What?

-You know the London City Studios?

-Yeah, it's up for sale.

-Exactly!

And it's out of our price range by a factor of ten.

-Was.

-Eh?

I'll explain in the lift.

He could've ruined the whole con.

-How'd he know where the hotel is?

-That's the scary thing. It's like...he knows everything.

-The kid's smart. He's listening to everything we say.

-How did he get away from you, again?

I don't know, I was... I looked away, he was gone.

It was the old "string around the corner" trick.

-A-ha.

-(Shut up!)

-Tell me he's having a laugh.

-My dad says the old ones are best.

-Did you seriously fall for the string trick?

-No!

-Yeah, you did!

No! I was distracted cos I was on the phone.

Oh, well, in that case you were on the phone.

What's it worth not to tell Mickey?

All right, d'you know what, if it's so funny...

he's all yours.

Just have to be in the right place at the right time...

This could be sweet.

Here we are. Helius International Property Investments.

Started in 1982, Boston.

3.4 billion portfolio in the US, Canada and Europe.

Serious players, then.

There's one of them. Henry Sellworth, Chairman.

And there's the other one. Brett Strickland.

Head of Acquisitions, Western Europe.

London City Studios is perfect for them. Big site, central location.

-Just demolish what's there and stick up one of their shopping centres.

-Yeah...

But they can't get it, because the chairman's got a grudge against Yanks.

So what are you thinking, boss? We front the bid for them?

Why not?

Surely they could deal with any UK property company?

Not when the bidding closes in 24 hours, they can't.

That's why they've thrown in the towel.

We better catch them, before they get on a plane.

Just try to LOOK intelligent.

Mr Strickland?

-Yes?

-Sorry for interrupting.

My name's Dale Ridley. I'm the chairman and chief executive of Starfire Property Holdings.

-And this is my apprentice, Mr Gibbs.

-Hi.

-OK. So...how do you guys know my name?

-I'm a big fan.

I like to think of Helius International as a role model for my company.

-That's great to hear, Mr, er...?

-Ridley.

-..Ridley,

-but I'm on my way to the airport.

-Give me two minutes...

and I will give you a game-changing opportunity.

OK, well, I'm all ears until my cab arrives.

Ah!

London City Studios. I think we can help.

-How?

-Your bid has hit the buffers because Helius is an American company. Correct?

-I'm sorry but how do you know all this?

-Information is everything.

OK, so what exactly do you want?

We're a UK company, specialising in land and property acquisitions.

In short, Mr Strickland...

-..WE can front your bid.

-Why not just bid yourself?

-Simple.

Don't have access to that level of funding.

OK... I see.

Look, I admire your opportunism but the idea that a £100 million deal

can be secured on the basis of a two-minute conversation

with a perfect stranger a day before the bidding closes... is frankly laughable.

Seize the moment and seize the deal.

That's my motto, Mr Strickland.

Or one of them, anyway.

I am offering you the chance to save this deal,

and to enhance your standing within your company.

OK... Let's say I go for this opportunity of yours.

-What do you get out of it?

-Ten percent of the bid price.

-Ten perc...

-HE LAUGHS

I'm sorry, I have a flight to catch.

Think about it.

Call me.

-Well, I suppose it was worth a shot.

-Trust me, he'll ring.

It feels like yesterday.

The fans used to be there, waiting, waving to me as I swept in in the Bentley.

Had a table in all the best restaurants, champagne on ice in every club.

Women coming up to me in the street, begging me to say those magic words.

What?

Ding-dong, that's my song!

Three times I was on the cover of the TV Times, I was.

Felt like I owned the place...

and the people in it.

Everyone sang to my song.

You should've known me then, Gibbs. Not that I'd have given time to someone like you, obviously.

But it would've given you an insight into the man you see before you.

Go and have a word with that security guard, see if he remembers me.

See if he'll let us in for a look around.

-Did he remember me?

-Yeah, eventually. He's been working on the gate for 30-odd years.

What did he say?

-(Well, just...)

-No, no, no, no, no. Go on, go on, what did he say?

He said you were a greedy scumbag

and that your lifetime ban from the studios is still in place.

Yeah, well, the same to you, mate! Just you wait!

We'll see who has the last laugh!

My dad always talks about you.

"Three Socks this", "Three Socks that".

Why are you called Three Socks, anyway?

-Well, it's a long story. How is your dad?

-Yeah, he's good.

Is he... Is he with anyone, y'know?

Yeah...me.

-No, no, no, no. I mean like a girlfriend.

-Oh, sometimes.

-What about you, Uncle Ash?

-Yeah... Well, sometimes.

-You got any children?

-No.

Oh... Are you gay?

-No, I'm not gay, thank you.

-Nothing wrong if you are.

I know. I'm just not gay, all right?

Just asking.

-So what's my fee going to be?

-Er, what fee's that, then?

For the con. You said I was part of the team.

No, no, no, no, no, no. You see, your fee, right, is learning -

y'know, from us. It's worth more than money, that is.

Oh, OK.

Tell you what, if I can trick you out of some of the money you make from the con,

can I keep it?

Hang on, let me get this straight. If you can trick me out of some of the money,

-assuming we get it, that is... I let you keep it.

-Yeah.

What's the problem? You scared the great Three Socks Morgan'll be outsmarted by an 11-year-old?

No, no, no. I just don't want to crush your confidence, you cheeky sod!

Deal?

Yeah, all right, deal.

He-he!

How are we going to get him into the studios? From what I've heard the place is like Fort Knox.

-We're not.

-How come?

He doesn't need to go there. He just needs to do the presentation to you.

How are you getting on with the offices?

-Well, I've had a rethink.

-Oh?

The name of the London City Studios' property developers is already out there - Weinstein De Vere.

A big company with swanky West End offices.

So we have to assume that Ridley at least knows of 'em.

-We can't risk faking it.

-So what were you thinking?

We get Ridley to do the presentation AT Weinstein De Vere.

-What, in their actual offices?

-Yeah, in the boardroom.

-Yeah, obviously.

As my dad always says, you can't have much more convincing than the real thing.

-Is the shark with you?

-Nah, he's been following me since I left the aquarium.

-How will you pull this one off, Uncle Ash?

-Yeah, how WILL you pull this one off, Uncle Ash?

Well y'know, I'm, erm... I'm working on it, ain't I?

I think it's time to put our friend out of his misery.

Ah, Mr Ridley. Brett Strickland.

No, no, actually, my flight's been delayed.

Perhaps we SHOULD meet.

Yeah. Yeah, that works for me.

OK.

I've spoken to Mr Sellworth about your proposal and he's interested. But we'd need to move fast.

You must meet Weinstein de Vere, the property consultants handling the sealed bids.

No problem. We can arrange a meeting for tomorrow. How much are you proposing to bid?

-100 million.

-Any flexibility in that?

-We want the building.

-Our analysts believe 100 million should swing it.

-Let's hope they're right.

The only outstanding issue is your fee. Ten percent is completely out of the question.

-So what are you thinking?

-A flat million.

-That will barely cover my costs.

Plus, we are talking about YOUR reputation.

Picture the scene.

You, arriving back in Boston with a 100 million contract in your pocket

that you've salvaged by using your intuitive brilliance and relentless determination

on behalf of Helius International. That's got to be worth five million of anybody's money, surely.

-Two.

-Three.

-2.5.

-Done.

Good. You'll front the bid on behalf of your company.

If you win, we will put up the money and you will pass full ownership of the building over to us

in exchange for £2.5 million. Do we have a deal?

-There's one more thing I need.

-I'm done negotiating, Mr Ridley.

-Oh, I'm sure you'll be OK with this.

-I'm assuming you'll be demolishing and building from scratch.

-Of course.

Then I would like to drive the first bulldozer through the front of the building.

-You...want to drive the bulldozer?

-That's right. Through the front wall.

OK. Well, then, I guess we have a deal.

Couldn't I just come and watch?

What, and that won't be suspicious, you sitting in a corner of the room, staring? I think not, Alfred.

-Could be your assistant.

-You're 11.

-Could make the tea?

-Look, just sit tight here with Albert, just in case we need you, yeah?

-Bo-ring.

-You nearly done?

-Yeah... Good as.

-You missed the C off acquire.

-Eh?

Acquire. Has a C in it.

Oh.

Thank you.

-Hello?

-'Weinstein de Vere?'

-Hello, yes, it's Terry Harper here, from TGP Properties.

Yes, we're looking to hire a new firm of consultants

and I'd like to set up a meeting with David Trip to discuss it.

Hey, here's one for ya. How many Spaniards does it take to change a lightbulb?

Juan.

-Eh, you, I'm doing the punchline!

-He's all yours, Eddie.

-Sounds expensive.

-We'll cover any losses.

-You staying for a quick one?

-I must get back. We'll come for him later.

Now YOU, you be good, Bandito, huh?

OK.

-Bye, Albert.

-Bye!

-Want to play a game, Eddie?

-Seeing as how they're paying, yeah, whatever you want.

-What about "find a fiver"?

-Never heard of that one.

-It's easy.

You just close your eyes, count to say...

200, I'll hide.

Once you get to 200, open your eyes, try and find me.

-That's hide-and-seek.

-Yeah, but if you find me, I have to give you a fiver.

I like the sound of that.

Go on, turn around, close your eyes, start counting.

-One, two, three...

-No peeking!

..four, five, six, seven, eight,

nine, ten, 11, 12...

-Morning, Mr Trip.

-Just off for my 10.30.

-It's me. He's just left. EMMA:

-'OK, we're all set here.'

Hello, I have a meeting with a few colleagues but they're going to be late.

Is it all right if I wait over there until we're all here?

Hello.

Terry Harper, TGP Properties. I've got an appointment to see David Trip.

Oh, he's just left, I'm afraid.

Oh, hell! Mix-up with my new assistant. No problem. I'll give him a call.

Hello, David? Yes, Terry Harper. Bit of a mix-up, I'm afraid.

Yeah! I'm at your office.

Yes, I know.

All right, see you in a minute.

He won't be long. He said for me to wait for him in the meeting room.

Certainly. It's just here.

-Can I get you a drink?

-No, no, no, I'm fine, thanks.

Two of my colleagues will be arriving shortly,

Mr Ridley and Associate.

-They'll ask for me. Just show them right in, would you?

-Of course. It's this way...

Hi, David Trip...

-Mr Trip. Hello, I'm Louise, I'm Terry's assistant.

-Oh, hi!

Terry's stuck in traffic. He'll be here any minute now

but the meeting room's in use so he's asked me to cover the company's background.

-Sure, no problem.

-Please, take a seat.

-Oh! Oh! I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

-No, it's...

-Oh!

-Right, thank you.

-There you go.

-Lovely. Just take a seat.

-Certainly. Thank you.

-That's just a little bit of what we're about, there.

-Splendid.

-Dale Ridley...to see Terry Harper.

-If you'd like to follow me, please.

..198, 199, 200.

-Gentlemen, welcome. I'm Terry Harper.

-Pleased to meet you.

Please.

As I'm sure you know, we've been appointed by the vendors

to handle the sale of the London City Studios,

and it's my job to oversee the sealed bid process.

Now, I'm a bit pushed for time so let's get straight on with it, shall we?

Yeah... Sure.

Clearly, the key selling point is the location.

The studios are right in the heart of the West End

making it perfect for a luxury hotel, shopping centre,

offices or even luxury apartments.

-How many bids have you had?

-I can't discuss details of the bids, I'm afraid,

but I'm sure you can imagine there's been considerable interest in the site.

And I CAN tell you that your party is the final bid.

-We're closing the process in just over two hours.

-(I see.)

Now...

..I must point out, Terry,

that we are determined to win this bid.

I am personally prepared to pay whatever it takes to ensure we do.

Whatever it takes?

Whatever it takes.

I want that site, Terry.

Well, in that case...it would be a shame if you didn't get it.

'The person you are calling is unable to take your call.

'Please leave a message after the tone.'

David, it's Kate. They're all in the boardroom waiting for you.

Now...

..let's suppose,

hypothetically speaking,

that I write

"100 million" here.

How would that sound?

Well, that sounds like a...

..winning bid. Hypothetically speaking.

And...

what should I allow for extras?

You know...

..the, er, additional costs to ensure the deal is done?

Well, I usually advise one percent cash,

which would make it, let me see, erm...

Oh.

A nice round million.

I hate to spend more than I have to on extras.

I was thinking...250.

-Oh, look, is that the time?

-Fine.

500,000.

Oh, I think we can probably work with that.

We specialise in medium-size city-centre commercial properties,

mainly office blocks, but we also have a portfolio of retail units.

-Excuse me for just one second.

-Yes, certainly.

WHAT do you think you're doing here?!

You said I could help! I haven't done anything interesting yet.

We're right in the middle of the con!

Oh no, that's blown it!

-That's not the man from Weinstein de Vere, is it?

-Yes! It is!

-And now he knows we're supposed to be THERE and not HERE!

-I'm sorry. I'll go warn Uncle Ash.

-No!

Don't you dare! You're going straight back to Eddie's bar and you'll wait there!

OK, I'll be right back.

-Is everything OK?

-There's been a mix-up. Mr Harper's waiting for me at our offices.

Oh! If I call get him to come back, that's probably the easiest...

-No, it's fine.

-No, I really...

-I'll take a cab.

Excellent!

MOBILE RINGS

Excuse me, I must take this.

Yes?

Well, I am rather busy at the moment.

Not as busy as you'll be in two minutes' time. Long story but Trip's coming back to you.

Oh, dear.

Right, well, thanks for that.

-Problem?

-No. No, nothing serious.

But I'm afraid we will have to wrap this up shortly.

But before we do, correct me if I'm wrong...

"Ding-dong, that's my song!" Yes?

-Yes, that's me.

-I KNEW I recognised you!

-Long time ago.

-Yes, it was, but it was a great show, though.

-Thank you.

Don't think it'll be a problem, do you?

You know, my, er...history with...London City Studios?

History?

What history?

Exactly.

You see, the bottom line is, they don't need to know

who the principal players are behind the winning bid.

Unless you're a Yank!

God forbid!

Please.

A pleasure to do business with you, Mr Harper.

-I'll be in touch soon.

-Excellent. Sorry not to have longer. Busy day, I'm afraid.

-I trust we'll speak again very soon.

-You can count on it.

Mr Harper?

-David Trip.

-Ah, David, just excuse me for two minutes, would you? I need the loo.

How quickly can you get your hands on that half a million?

I'll call the bank. Couple of hours, easy.

Check again! His name's Terry Harper, he's here. This is Weinstein de Vere and he's visiting...

-No!

-You'll have to leave.

-I've got to go! Get off me!

-There's no-one here by that name.

Yeah, I had to cut things short but I don't think he suspected anything.

-'In fact, I'm certain he's on board.'

-OK, OK. Well done.

-You meeting us at Eddie's?

-No, I'm going back to the hotel to await Ridley's call.

-I'll see you later.

-All right, mate, cheers.

-Are you sure it was the same kid?

-One hundred percent.

Well, maybe it's just a coincidence.

He was there looking for Terry Harper.

But when I saw the kid at the hotel, he was with Strickland.

-That's more than a coincidence.

-Yeah, that is a bit odd.

Plus, he was saying to that security guard that Terry Harper was a visitor.

-But he's isn't, he works there.

-Exactly!

-Boss, what are you saying?

-I don't know.

But something definitely is NOT right.

-So where have you been? I told you to come straight back here.

-I, er...got lost?

Oh, OK. I thought we agreed. You promised me you'd be good.

I wondered why you asked me to count all the way to 200.

Oh! Don't tell me he got you to play hide-and-seek!

-What is it with you?

-He's very persuasive. It's the eyes.

-Definitely the eyes.

Either that or you two are unbelievably gullible.

All right, come on, drink up.

You all right?

-Can I talk to ya?

-Yeah, sure.

Alone.

Ridley just saw me at the offices you were at.

What, Weinstein de Vere?

What were you doing there?

I came to warn you about the other man - that he was coming back.

And did Ridley recognise you from the hotel?

Don't worry, son, we'll sort it.

I think it went pretty well.

But I don't think we should risk leaving the outcome to chance.

What do you mean?

It's my secret weapon.

I always know who's open to a little financial incentive and who isn't.

Are you suggesting we pay a bribe?

Oh come on, Mr Strickland, we're both grown-up businessmen.

That's the way it sometimes happens.

We are a billion-dollar-a-year business with a reputation to protect.

We can't be seen to be involved.

You wouldn't have to. We'd do it.

And what if Harper squeals?

Well, your name's not on the bid document, you've got complete deniability.

All right, just do it then.

I think it's only fair that we each put up half the cash.

Why?

Because if anything goes wrong, then we both share the hit.

How much are we talking?

A man like Harper? 500,000 should do it.

And you're suggesting I go and find £250,000 in cash, like that?

You're a billion-dollar-a-year company. That's just loose change.

So what are his options?

-Well, he could walk away.

-But he won't, will he. Not Ridley.

He's asking us to put up half the money,

to look like he's going to go through with the bribe.

But he'll keep it.

Exactly. So how do we get it back?

Ok, So we're 43 short. Any ideas?

Yeah, I can probably magic that up.

-How?

-Ask no questions, I'll tell you no lies.

-Oh, no you don't.

-What?

-I know what you're thinking.

-No, you don't.

-What's she on about?

-I've no idea.

-You promised.

ALL: Reg!

All right, all right, I heard you. >

Oh, it's you.

Yeah, well nice to see you too, Reg.

Well, come in then.

Thank you, Reg.

That's 50p.

What?

50p. For the tea.

You want cake? I've got cake.

No, no, you're all right, mate.

-There you go, 50p.

-Thank you.

So... How much do you want?

Eighty grand.

REG SCOFFS Eighty grand?!

No, no, no, I can't do eighty grand, I can't.

No? Right, what about 43 then, can you do that?

Yes, I could do 43.

Ten...

twenty...

thirty...

..forty..

41, 42, 43.

So, how long d'you want it for?

Oh, a couple of days should do it, Reg.

-It's gonna cost you.

-How much?

-The usual.

-What, 2% a day?

-Plus the other thing.

What other thing's that then, Reg?

Y'know, the other thing, with the girl.

-Emma.

-Is there a problem?

No, it's not a problem, Reg. She loves doing it with you.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

That's good.

-I feel like I'm in a spy movie.

-It's just boring old business.

Maybe for you, but this is not how I do business.

Well, it is now. Mind if I have a look?

-Not if you don't?

-Be my guest.

You think this is going to work?

Oh, I'm sure of it. I'll ring you when it's done.

He's on his way.

So how did it go?

Like a dream.

You can't kid a kidder!

Boss. You're a genius. This is sweet!

PHONE RINGS

-Hello?

-Hello, Mr Ridley. It's Sarah on reception here.

Hello, love.

Erm, there are some policeman on their way up to see you.

There's police on their way up here.

The police!? Why? Are we in trouble? Why are the police here?

How would I know?!

PHONE RINGS AGAIN

Hello?

-Mr Ridley. It's Sarah on reception again.

-Oh, hello.

The police are asking if you and your colleague would come downstairs and talk to them.

They say it won't take long.

Fine.

They want us downstairs now.

-Us?

-Yes, us!

I'm Ridley. Where are they?

-Sorry, Mr Ridley, who?

-The policemen.

Sorry, which policemen?

Where's Sarah?

We don't have a Sarah here.

I've just spoken to her.

What's going on?

Where's the money?

They've nicked it!

Mr Ridley. Can I help?

Damn right you can. I've been robbed.

A receptionist called Sarah rang me

and said that there were police officers coming up to see me.

We don't have anyone called Sarah.

So you said.

Then she rang me again, and asked me to go downstairs to meet them.

I went downstairs and there were no police officers.

We were out of this room for five minutes,

and someone stole cash from that safe.

But Mr Ridley, there are absolutely no signs of forced entry.

And as I showed you downstairs, the CCTV footage only shows you

and your colleague entering this room once.

Your camera only shows us going to the room

after we came back from reception.

We were in the room before that as well!

Not according the footage and neither was anyone else.

So, how are you suggesting they got in?

I don't know! Through the door!

Don't tell me he got you to play hide and seek.

-What is it with you lot?

-He's very persuasive. It's the eyes.

-Yes, it's definitely the eyes.

Well, either that or you two are unbelievably gullible.

And did Ridley recognise you from the hotel?

Don't worry, son, we'll sort it.

-So what are his options?

-Well, he could walk away.

But he won't, will he. Not Ridley.

He's asking us to put up half the money,

to look like he's going to go through with the bribe.

But he'll keep it.

Exactly. So how do we get it back?

Alfie,

you're a bloody genius!

-So we know that Ridley's on this floor, yeah?

-Yeah.

OK.

Excuse me. Could you tell me if suite 532 or 732 are available?

I'd like to upgrade.

Sean, you'll need to access the hotel lift.

Make sure Ridley goes to the fifth floor.

So how did it go?

Like a dream.

We'll need to send Ridley to room 532.

But he'll think it's room 632.

Mickey, make sure you swap Ridley's key card.

You think this is gonna work?

Oh, I'm sure of it.

Hello, Mr Ridley, it's, erm... Sarah on reception here.

There are some policemen on their way up to see you.

The police? Why? Are we in trouble? Why are the police here?

How would I know?

I'm Ridley. Where are they?

-Sorry, Mr Ridley, who?

-The policemen.

-Where's the money?

-They've nicked it!

Six, seven, eight, nine.

Bingo.

-Come on.

-OK, go.

Gentlemen!

Raise your glasses. I give you the great British game show.

Ding-dong, that's my song!

We went up in the lift, to the sixth floor and then we walked to the suite.

Then why didn't the CCTV see us?

Maybe they messed with the cameras.

Hey, what if the manager's in on it?

This is doing my head in, boss. Seriously, I give in.

That's easy for you to say. You haven't lost £250,000 to a bunch of con men!

Ding-dong, that's my song!

Piss off!

You did good, kid.

Actually, you were a complete liability.

But at least it was never boring.

Nah, you're gonna be great, son.

Cheers. I've loved every minute of it. And meeting you, Uncle Ash.

PHONE RINGS

Y'know, properly. I'm really going to miss you.

Hello?

Ah...

Yeah, well, me too, kid.

Ash. Phone for you. Beezer.

Well, well, well, if it isn't the bloke that's gonna be picking up

the tab down here for the next year.

Yeah, all right, how's it going? Yeah.

You what? Er, yeah, well, you know, I can only ask 'em.

Yeah, all right, ta-ta.

He says he's stuck in Berlin and wondered if we could

have Alfie for another couple of weeks.

Well, yeah, sure, fine.

No, I'm just kidding!

He's in a cab, he'll be here in five.

Hey, where's Emma?

Oh, she's taking one for the team.

TANGO MUSIC PLAYS

I'm gonna miss the kid, you know.

Yeah, me too.

Well, I think one fresh-faced kid on the team is enough.

Aw, thanks, Albert.

-So how exactly did he manage to lose you Emma?

-We're five grand short.

-Don't change the subject.

-I'm serious.

I counted this three times and we're two bundles short.

Maybe Ridley mis-counted it. He did think he was gonna get it all back after all.

No, he wouldn't have taken the risk.

Let's check the case.

-No, nothing there.

-Have you got any idea, Ash?

Tell you what. If I can trick you out of some of the money you make from the con,

can I keep it?

Hang on, hang on, let me get this straight.

If you can trick me out of some of the money, I let you keep it?

Deal?

Yeah, all right, deal.

I'm really gonna miss you.

Yeah, me too, kid.

Nah.

No, it's a mystery to me.

This guy isn't just another mark.

Everything we've done, has been leading us to this point.

One big mark, then we can all walk away on top.

You take my ten million, you double it.

One last job and we're finished?

This walking-away money?

I've always thought it was a good idea to quit while you're ahead.

You said what?

I know what I'm doing.

I'll kill him. We have a job.

They've just gone into the hotel.

-Get out.

-Go! Go, go, move!

Most of you must have thought that one day it would end like this.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd