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This programme contains some strong language. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:07 | |
-I've got a new headship. -Where? -Huddersfield. -Went well? The move. | 0:00:07 | 0:00:10 | |
-Robbie? Shit! -Jesus! -Shit, Robbie! | 0:00:10 | 0:00:12 | |
-Oh, my God. -Dial 999 now. -He's still in there. Eddie. | 0:00:12 | 0:00:15 | |
Your house is haunted by none other than Matthew Normanton, | 0:00:15 | 0:00:19 | |
right-hand man to King David himself. | 0:00:19 | 0:00:21 | |
Nonetheless, it's... THUNDER RUMBLES | 0:00:21 | 0:00:24 | |
I know there's no such thing. But what if there is? | 0:00:24 | 0:00:26 | |
Celia's playing Madame Arcati in Blithe Spirit. | 0:00:26 | 0:00:29 | |
-We've no-one to play Dr Bradman. -Oh... -So I said you'd do it. | 0:00:29 | 0:00:34 | |
What have you got to lose? | 0:00:34 | 0:00:36 | |
John and Judith? Are you serious? | 0:01:22 | 0:01:24 | |
This is why I'm suggesting doing it at my house, rather than yours. | 0:01:24 | 0:01:27 | |
Greg wants to come and spend time with Flora, | 0:01:27 | 0:01:30 | |
so that's another reason to be at our house. | 0:01:30 | 0:01:32 | |
-What about... -HIGH-PITCHED: -..Bridget? | 0:01:32 | 0:01:35 | |
-Well, Bridget... HIGH-PITCHED: -Bridget. | 0:01:35 | 0:01:38 | |
..will be with her parents in Chipping Norton. | 0:01:38 | 0:01:41 | |
Of course she will. Of course! That's where she comes from. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:44 | |
Yeah, so... | 0:01:44 | 0:01:46 | |
What do you think? | 0:01:47 | 0:01:49 | |
Yeah, let's do it at your house. | 0:01:49 | 0:01:52 | |
Brandy snaps! | 0:01:52 | 0:01:53 | |
Oh, my actual God. Do you remember brandy snaps? | 0:01:53 | 0:01:55 | |
I haven't had brandy snaps | 0:01:55 | 0:01:57 | |
since I was, like, six at my Auntie Mary's house. | 0:01:57 | 0:02:00 | |
You all right? | 0:02:02 | 0:02:03 | |
Caroline? | 0:02:04 | 0:02:06 | |
What's the matter? | 0:02:06 | 0:02:08 | |
This thing happened, and I haven't told anyone. | 0:02:10 | 0:02:14 | |
It's delicate. | 0:02:14 | 0:02:16 | |
OK. | 0:02:16 | 0:02:17 | |
Obviously, since Kate died, it can't have been easy for you. | 0:02:17 | 0:02:22 | |
How do you feel you've been coping with your responsibilities here? | 0:02:24 | 0:02:29 | |
-I'm sorry? -You have been an outstanding headteacher. | 0:02:29 | 0:02:33 | |
No-one here has anything but the highest regard for you. | 0:02:33 | 0:02:36 | |
However, the worry is that your performance has become... | 0:02:36 | 0:02:41 | |
"Lacklustre" is too strong a word. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:45 | |
Anyway, we - the governors and the parents - | 0:02:46 | 0:02:50 | |
wonder whether you would benefit from | 0:02:50 | 0:02:54 | |
some sort of...sabbatical. | 0:02:54 | 0:02:58 | |
-You're kidding! -And it became clear as the conversation went on... | 0:02:58 | 0:03:02 | |
..that this was a sabbatical | 0:03:04 | 0:03:06 | |
-I wasn't ever supposed to come back from. -Why? | 0:03:06 | 0:03:08 | |
We think we live in such a tolerant society, but... | 0:03:08 | 0:03:11 | |
-..you scratch the surface... -No way. | 0:03:13 | 0:03:15 | |
Of course, nothing was said in so many words and I could have | 0:03:15 | 0:03:18 | |
made a fuss, but I was bereaved. There's the irony. | 0:03:18 | 0:03:22 | |
I was bereaved and I didn't feel up to it. | 0:03:22 | 0:03:26 | |
Talk about adding insult to injury. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:28 | |
And I didn't tell anyone | 0:03:28 | 0:03:30 | |
because it was a conversation I didn't want to have... | 0:03:30 | 0:03:32 | |
with anyone, certainly not with my mother or the boys, | 0:03:32 | 0:03:35 | |
and so I pretended it was a choice, a bold new adventure, | 0:03:35 | 0:03:37 | |
and now I'm terrified. | 0:03:37 | 0:03:39 | |
I'm terrified that I'm not going to last five minutes at this new place, | 0:03:39 | 0:03:42 | |
I'm terrified that they're going to eat me alive. | 0:03:42 | 0:03:44 | |
-No-one could eat you alive. -No, I know. | 0:03:44 | 0:03:47 | |
When you've got 101 tiny little irritations | 0:03:49 | 0:03:51 | |
chipping away at your self-esteem... | 0:03:51 | 0:03:54 | |
however strong you think you are... | 0:03:54 | 0:03:57 | |
and then you just make... | 0:03:57 | 0:03:59 | |
..just one or two rogue decisions... | 0:04:01 | 0:04:04 | |
..and suddenly, you find yourself | 0:04:05 | 0:04:08 | |
living in a strange house that everyone hates, and you're facing | 0:04:08 | 0:04:11 | |
a job you're worried you haven't got the stamina for... | 0:04:11 | 0:04:16 | |
-OK. -..any more... | 0:04:16 | 0:04:17 | |
SHE CLEARS HER THROAT | 0:04:19 | 0:04:20 | |
Why did you go for such a difficult school? | 0:04:20 | 0:04:23 | |
Well, just after I had that conversation with Gavin, | 0:04:23 | 0:04:26 | |
that was when I met Olga. | 0:04:26 | 0:04:28 | |
Are you all right? | 0:04:32 | 0:04:34 | |
-Oh! I'm sorry! I'm sorry. I'm really... Oh, my God. -Oh! | 0:04:36 | 0:04:40 | |
That is a £45,000 car. HORN TOOTS | 0:04:40 | 0:04:43 | |
-Shit! Oh, God! Oh, no. -Are you all right? | 0:04:43 | 0:04:48 | |
I think so. I think so. Am I? Are you? | 0:04:48 | 0:04:52 | |
Weren't you looking? | 0:04:52 | 0:04:53 | |
I thought you were moving off. Were you not moving off? | 0:04:53 | 0:04:56 | |
There were things coming! | 0:04:56 | 0:04:58 | |
-Oh, this isn't happening. Oh, God. -HORNS BLARE | 0:04:58 | 0:05:00 | |
-Are you all right? -Pull over! -Yeah, whatever. Go round. You can see what's happening, can't you? | 0:05:00 | 0:05:04 | |
You've got eyes in your head. Wanker! | 0:05:04 | 0:05:07 | |
-MAN SHOUTS -You're a stupid arsehole as well. | 0:05:07 | 0:05:09 | |
Bring it on, moron! | 0:05:09 | 0:05:11 | |
-I am really sorry. -We need to exchange details. | 0:05:11 | 0:05:15 | |
-OK. -I'm just going to take some photos. -Good, good. Good idea. | 0:05:15 | 0:05:19 | |
I've just got to see if my daughter's all right. | 0:05:19 | 0:05:22 | |
She's not hurt, is she? | 0:05:22 | 0:05:24 | |
-No. -Oh, she's tiny! -She's fine. | 0:05:24 | 0:05:26 | |
SHE GASPS | 0:05:26 | 0:05:28 | |
Mummy's just going to be a few moments, Flora. | 0:05:28 | 0:05:30 | |
We've just had a silly little bump. | 0:05:30 | 0:05:32 | |
-You know, I don't know who I'm insured with. -You are insured? | 0:05:33 | 0:05:38 | |
I think I'm panicking. | 0:05:38 | 0:05:39 | |
If you just give me your name and a phone number. | 0:05:39 | 0:05:42 | |
HORNS TOOT | 0:05:42 | 0:05:44 | |
-OK, I'm just going to ring the police. -Why?! Why? | 0:05:44 | 0:05:47 | |
-Well, just because we're blocking the roundabout. -Have I gone pale? | 0:05:47 | 0:05:51 | |
Yeah, sit down, put your head between your knees. I'll... | 0:05:51 | 0:05:54 | |
I'll sort everything out. | 0:05:54 | 0:05:56 | |
You're taking this very well. | 0:05:56 | 0:05:59 | |
Yeah, I'm sorry I said that thing about the car costing so much. | 0:05:59 | 0:06:05 | |
I apologise, I'm sorry. It was unhelpful and unnecessary. | 0:06:05 | 0:06:09 | |
No, please, don't. I... | 0:06:09 | 0:06:12 | |
SHOUTING, HORNS BLARE | 0:06:12 | 0:06:14 | |
Tosser! | 0:06:14 | 0:06:15 | |
What is wrong with these people? | 0:06:15 | 0:06:17 | |
You really need to calm down. | 0:06:17 | 0:06:19 | |
I am calm! | 0:06:19 | 0:06:21 | |
I am not calm. | 0:06:21 | 0:06:22 | |
-I think I'm going to be sick. -Have you been drinking? | 0:06:22 | 0:06:25 | |
No, no! God, no. | 0:06:25 | 0:06:27 | |
I mean, don't get me wrong, I do drink, but... | 0:06:27 | 0:06:30 | |
-I can drink for England. -Look, look, OK. | 0:06:30 | 0:06:33 | |
I want to phone the police because I don't know what the procedure is | 0:06:33 | 0:06:36 | |
if you can't move your vehicle, and your van is dripping something. | 0:06:36 | 0:06:40 | |
Oh, no, that's just coolant. I don't think it's petrol. | 0:06:40 | 0:06:43 | |
It's something coming out of the radiator. It's probably water. | 0:06:43 | 0:06:46 | |
It's not petrol, it's just... | 0:06:46 | 0:06:48 | |
Oh, my God, it's petrol! Get the toddler out. | 0:06:48 | 0:06:50 | |
Get her out the car! | 0:06:50 | 0:06:52 | |
Right. | 0:06:54 | 0:06:55 | |
Have I spelt it properly? | 0:06:58 | 0:07:00 | |
Yeah. | 0:07:00 | 0:07:01 | |
-What's yours? -It's Mackenzie-Dawson. | 0:07:01 | 0:07:05 | |
Caroline. | 0:07:05 | 0:07:07 | |
And it's 07700 900 643. | 0:07:07 | 0:07:13 | |
Right. | 0:07:15 | 0:07:17 | |
So... Flora, she's your daughter? | 0:07:17 | 0:07:21 | |
Yes. | 0:07:21 | 0:07:23 | |
So, is she adopted? | 0:07:23 | 0:07:26 | |
-No. -Oh! -No. -OK. | 0:07:26 | 0:07:29 | |
Wow. | 0:07:29 | 0:07:31 | |
So... | 0:07:31 | 0:07:32 | |
-Oh, my partner gave birth to her. -Oh. | 0:07:36 | 0:07:39 | |
OK. Good. | 0:07:39 | 0:07:41 | |
Sorry. | 0:07:41 | 0:07:42 | |
For what? | 0:07:42 | 0:07:44 | |
Being inept, asking dumb questions. | 0:07:44 | 0:07:47 | |
No, you're direct. It's good. | 0:07:48 | 0:07:51 | |
Makes life easier. | 0:07:51 | 0:07:53 | |
So, what does your partner do? | 0:07:56 | 0:07:58 | |
Nothing. | 0:08:00 | 0:08:02 | |
She's dead. | 0:08:02 | 0:08:04 | |
So...so you ended up... | 0:08:04 | 0:08:07 | |
I ended up in bed with her, yeah. Which so isn't me. | 0:08:07 | 0:08:11 | |
I know. I know that. | 0:08:11 | 0:08:13 | |
I don't pick people up off street corners and end up in bed with them. | 0:08:13 | 0:08:16 | |
-Like I do? -No, I never... I didn't say that. | 0:08:16 | 0:08:18 | |
And that's not... | 0:08:18 | 0:08:20 | |
That's exactly what happened. | 0:08:20 | 0:08:22 | |
It was a few days later. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:25 | |
She just knocked on the door. | 0:08:25 | 0:08:27 | |
Hi. | 0:08:29 | 0:08:30 | |
Which was a nice gesture, which she didn't have to make, | 0:08:30 | 0:08:33 | |
so I invited her in. | 0:08:33 | 0:08:35 | |
And, erm, we had...we had... | 0:08:37 | 0:08:40 | |
Well, it was a Friday night, so we had some of the wine. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:43 | |
Maybe two bottles. | 0:08:43 | 0:08:45 | |
-I mean, it was good wine. -That's all that matters. | 0:08:45 | 0:08:48 | |
And, um... | 0:08:48 | 0:08:49 | |
Yeah... She... We... | 0:08:49 | 0:08:52 | |
One thing led to another. | 0:08:52 | 0:08:53 | |
I've got this thing that I need to tell you. | 0:08:53 | 0:08:56 | |
What? | 0:08:56 | 0:08:58 | |
-You know when I went into the back of you? I mean, on the road. -Yeah. | 0:09:00 | 0:09:03 | |
-I was texting. -Oh. | 0:09:06 | 0:09:09 | |
I just need to get that off my chest | 0:09:09 | 0:09:11 | |
because it really shouldn't have happened, | 0:09:11 | 0:09:13 | |
especially with Flora in the back and everything. So... | 0:09:13 | 0:09:17 | |
-I'm sorry. -It's OK. | 0:09:17 | 0:09:19 | |
-Really? -Yeah. | 0:09:21 | 0:09:23 | |
Yeah. | 0:09:25 | 0:09:26 | |
God, she's a stupid bitch. | 0:09:26 | 0:09:29 | |
-Sorry, who is? -Oh, my girlfriend. | 0:09:30 | 0:09:33 | |
That's who I was texting. She drives me up the wall. | 0:09:33 | 0:09:36 | |
Trust it to be her that I'm texting | 0:09:36 | 0:09:39 | |
when I smash into the back of a £90 million car. | 0:09:39 | 0:09:41 | |
Sorry... | 0:09:42 | 0:09:44 | |
You've just apologised to me because you were texting | 0:09:46 | 0:09:48 | |
and then you blithely go and mention to me that you've got a girlfriend? | 0:09:48 | 0:09:52 | |
Ex. Ex! | 0:09:52 | 0:09:54 | |
Did I not say ex? No, we split up. | 0:09:54 | 0:09:56 | |
When? | 0:09:56 | 0:09:58 | |
SHE SIGHS | 0:09:58 | 0:09:59 | |
Day before yesterday. She dumped me. | 0:09:59 | 0:10:02 | |
Why? | 0:10:02 | 0:10:03 | |
Because... | 0:10:04 | 0:10:06 | |
..she thought I'd been seeing someone. | 0:10:08 | 0:10:12 | |
And had you? | 0:10:13 | 0:10:14 | |
So obviously I'm someone she's just picked up on the rebound | 0:10:17 | 0:10:20 | |
from a shit-storm of entanglement. | 0:10:20 | 0:10:23 | |
So then I felt like I'd been unfaithful to Kate, | 0:10:23 | 0:10:26 | |
and if I was going to do something like that, | 0:10:26 | 0:10:28 | |
it should have meant more. | 0:10:28 | 0:10:29 | |
I should've been more discerning. | 0:10:29 | 0:10:30 | |
I should... Why am I telling you this? | 0:10:30 | 0:10:33 | |
Oh, yes, Olga is intelligent, cultured, | 0:10:33 | 0:10:36 | |
but entirely uneducated, her and her brother. | 0:10:36 | 0:10:39 | |
-Sod 'em! -Yeah, I know. | 0:10:39 | 0:10:40 | |
ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS | 0:10:40 | 0:10:43 | |
-You know what you should do? -What? | 0:10:43 | 0:10:45 | |
You should work in the state sector. | 0:10:45 | 0:10:47 | |
You're needed. | 0:10:47 | 0:10:49 | |
I had a really shit education. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:51 | |
You know, our dumb parents lurched from one bad enterprise to another, | 0:10:51 | 0:10:55 | |
which meant we never had any money, despite being posh. | 0:10:55 | 0:10:58 | |
So we ended up down the local comp. | 0:10:58 | 0:11:00 | |
That's where I learned to talk like this. I hated it! | 0:11:00 | 0:11:03 | |
Half the staff, they didn't know what they were talking about. | 0:11:03 | 0:11:06 | |
And the other half, | 0:11:06 | 0:11:08 | |
they were so overworked | 0:11:08 | 0:11:10 | |
and all so thoroughly demoralised. | 0:11:10 | 0:11:14 | |
God, they reeked of it. They stank of it. | 0:11:14 | 0:11:17 | |
Oh, and then this really crap, useless headteacher, | 0:11:17 | 0:11:21 | |
who never spoke to any of us | 0:11:21 | 0:11:23 | |
because he was too busy having a breakdown... | 0:11:23 | 0:11:27 | |
Go and work in a state school. | 0:11:27 | 0:11:29 | |
In a school in a poor area. | 0:11:29 | 0:11:31 | |
In a school that really needs someone like you. | 0:11:31 | 0:11:35 | |
You could make a real difference! | 0:11:35 | 0:11:38 | |
Can you imagine? | 0:11:38 | 0:11:40 | |
If kids in state schools had the kind of teachers | 0:11:40 | 0:11:42 | |
-that someone like you could attract... -Yes, it's... It's... | 0:11:42 | 0:11:46 | |
It's not that simple. | 0:11:48 | 0:11:49 | |
Of course it isn't. It takes a lot of people to make a real difference. | 0:11:49 | 0:11:54 | |
But where do you start, if it's not with someone like you? | 0:11:54 | 0:11:58 | |
Maybe this was meant to happen. | 0:12:00 | 0:12:02 | |
God, yeah! | 0:12:03 | 0:12:06 | |
No, Caroline! | 0:12:06 | 0:12:07 | |
Maybe... | 0:12:07 | 0:12:09 | |
..she's right. | 0:12:10 | 0:12:12 | |
Maybe this was meant to happen. | 0:12:14 | 0:12:16 | |
Don't tell anyone. | 0:12:19 | 0:12:21 | |
Men are worse than women, you know, | 0:12:22 | 0:12:25 | |
especially highly strung men, like your husband... | 0:12:25 | 0:12:30 | |
..is. | 0:12:31 | 0:12:33 | |
-Is he so highly strung, do you think? -Yes. | 0:12:33 | 0:12:37 | |
Erm... | 0:12:37 | 0:12:38 | |
I need to talk to you about that. | 0:12:39 | 0:12:42 | |
He's been working a bit too hard lately. | 0:12:42 | 0:12:46 | |
You do know you're paraphrasing? | 0:12:46 | 0:12:49 | |
Remorselessly, as Gerald would say. | 0:12:49 | 0:12:52 | |
Yeah, but I'm getting gist across. | 0:12:52 | 0:12:55 | |
You need to have more of a manner, Alan, you know? | 0:12:55 | 0:12:57 | |
These are sophisticated people. | 0:12:57 | 0:13:00 | |
They live in Kent, for goodness' sake. It's the 1940s. | 0:13:00 | 0:13:04 | |
I don't know... | 0:13:04 | 0:13:06 | |
I've driven through Kent, you know, once in the 1970s. | 0:13:06 | 0:13:11 | |
That's different. | 0:13:11 | 0:13:12 | |
And who are these people? I don't know who these people are. | 0:13:12 | 0:13:15 | |
They've got a maid, a cook that they treat like dirt. | 0:13:15 | 0:13:19 | |
Neither of them seem to go out to work. | 0:13:19 | 0:13:21 | |
Don't they know there's a war on? | 0:13:21 | 0:13:23 | |
-I mean, that's not even mentioned. -It's a comedy! | 0:13:23 | 0:13:26 | |
Get on board. Come on, let's keep going. | 0:13:26 | 0:13:30 | |
POSH VOICE: Is he so highly strung, do you think? | 0:13:30 | 0:13:33 | |
-POSH VOICE: -I'm afraid he's been working | 0:13:33 | 0:13:37 | |
a bit too hard lately. | 0:13:37 | 0:13:39 | |
NORMAL VOICE: Been OVERWORKING lately. | 0:13:39 | 0:13:42 | |
-POSH VOICE: -Been overworking lately. | 0:13:42 | 0:13:45 | |
"Overwarking"? | 0:13:45 | 0:13:46 | |
-NORMAL VOICE: -Oh... | 0:13:46 | 0:13:48 | |
Eh? Eh? Summat about in a nervous condition but nowt serious. | 0:13:48 | 0:13:54 | |
I think that's as far as I've got. | 0:13:55 | 0:13:57 | |
Right, well, that's the scene you're going to be rehearsing tonight. | 0:13:57 | 0:14:01 | |
Janice'll want you on top of your lines. | 0:14:01 | 0:14:03 | |
I'll be on top of my lines. | 0:14:03 | 0:14:05 | |
-I've said I'll do it. -Bye! -> | 0:14:05 | 0:14:06 | |
-And I'll do it properly. -The news is good. | 0:14:06 | 0:14:08 | |
Angus has passed his test and he's driving over on Christmas Day | 0:14:08 | 0:14:11 | |
-to get away from his mental parents. -Oh, yippee. | 0:14:11 | 0:14:14 | |
Well, you better tell Gillian or your mother, | 0:14:14 | 0:14:16 | |
whoever's doing the cooking. | 0:14:16 | 0:14:18 | |
-We've already got a full house. -Good. They won't notice one more. | 0:14:18 | 0:14:21 | |
We'll be off out in his jalopy as soon as he gets here. | 0:14:21 | 0:14:24 | |
Oh, that'll make your mother happy(!) | 0:14:24 | 0:14:26 | |
You and Angus the nitwit taking hairpin bends at breakneck speed | 0:14:26 | 0:14:31 | |
across the moors in a car with no brakes. | 0:14:31 | 0:14:33 | |
Oh, and he's bringing a ouija board. | 0:14:33 | 0:14:36 | |
We're going to speak to Matthew Normanton. | 0:14:36 | 0:14:38 | |
-Where did he get a ouija board from? -Amazon. | 0:14:38 | 0:14:40 | |
You can join in, if you want. | 0:14:40 | 0:14:41 | |
Like, method acting with this old bag woman | 0:14:41 | 0:14:44 | |
you're playing in this play. | 0:14:44 | 0:14:46 | |
Go on, then. | 0:14:49 | 0:14:51 | |
Grandad. | 0:14:51 | 0:14:53 | |
-No, you can't. -What's she wanting? -Grandad. | 0:14:53 | 0:14:56 | |
-She wants Robbie to carry her. -He can't, chicken. He's hurt his neck. | 0:14:56 | 0:14:59 | |
Strictly speaking, Grandma hurt his neck, but we won't dwell on it. | 0:14:59 | 0:15:02 | |
Never going to let it drop. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:04 | |
In the barn. | 0:15:07 | 0:15:08 | |
-Yes, that's right. -In the barn. -That's right. In the barn. | 0:15:08 | 0:15:12 | |
-She's not on about him again! -She loves him. -Who? | 0:15:12 | 0:15:14 | |
-The fellow in the barn. -What fellow in the barn? | 0:15:14 | 0:15:17 | |
-It's just this idea she's got. -Of a fellow in the barn? | 0:15:17 | 0:15:20 | |
-Just one of her imaginary friends. -What does he look like? | 0:15:20 | 0:15:23 | |
-What's he said to her? -Mum, it's a joke, it's pretend. | 0:15:23 | 0:15:27 | |
Yeah, but it's not a joke if she thinks he exists. | 0:15:27 | 0:15:30 | |
-Does he have a name? -Grandad. | 0:15:30 | 0:15:33 | |
Yeah, in her little pixie head he exists. | 0:15:33 | 0:15:35 | |
-Nowhere else. -So what has she said about him? -Nothing! -Ellie! | 0:15:35 | 0:15:39 | |
-She just makes up stories with him. -With him? -About him. | 0:15:39 | 0:15:42 | |
-What happens in these stories? -Nothing! It's nowt. | 0:15:42 | 0:15:45 | |
Are we going to Caroline's, or what? | 0:15:45 | 0:15:47 | |
-Yeah. Stop being weird, Mum. -Get in. | 0:15:47 | 0:15:50 | |
INDISTINCT CHATTER | 0:16:06 | 0:16:08 | |
-OK, are you ready? -Shh. | 0:16:12 | 0:16:13 | |
-Theresa May? -I don't know what you're doing. What are you doing? | 0:16:16 | 0:16:20 | |
-I know who it is. -They're hopeless! -It's obvious. | 0:16:20 | 0:16:24 | |
It's obvious to me who it is. | 0:16:24 | 0:16:25 | |
Ethelred the Unready. | 0:16:25 | 0:16:27 | |
Enid Blyton. | 0:16:27 | 0:16:28 | |
Erm... Oh, Michael McIntyre. | 0:16:28 | 0:16:31 | |
What's-her-name off The Magic Roundabout? | 0:16:31 | 0:16:33 | |
-You're just reeling off names now. -Well, it's one way. | 0:16:33 | 0:16:36 | |
Is it... | 0:16:36 | 0:16:38 | |
Oh, are you cooking something? You've baked a cake. Nigella Lawson. | 0:16:38 | 0:16:42 | |
-Jamie Oliver. Fanny Cradock. -Who? | 0:16:42 | 0:16:44 | |
It's got to be a name that's already been! | 0:16:44 | 0:16:46 | |
-Talking, you're talking. You're not allowed to talk, Celia. -Oh, Jesus. | 0:16:46 | 0:16:50 | |
Oh, yeah, him! | 0:16:50 | 0:16:51 | |
-So sad. -Minute's up. Stop. -ALL: -Aw... | 0:16:51 | 0:16:56 | |
They all get it. How come you can't? | 0:16:56 | 0:16:58 | |
Well, it would help if one-third of the women's team wasn't babies, | 0:16:58 | 0:17:01 | |
and the other third weren't outside having a fag, | 0:17:01 | 0:17:03 | |
or whatever it is they think they're doing. | 0:17:03 | 0:17:05 | |
-ALL: -Oo-oo-ooh! | 0:17:05 | 0:17:07 | |
I've got this thing I'd like to get off my chest. | 0:17:09 | 0:17:12 | |
OK. | 0:17:12 | 0:17:13 | |
The afterlife. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:15 | |
Oh, yeah. | 0:17:15 | 0:17:17 | |
Me dad told me about | 0:17:17 | 0:17:18 | |
him and your mum wanting to be buried together whenever... | 0:17:18 | 0:17:24 | |
Yes. | 0:17:24 | 0:17:25 | |
You knew? | 0:17:27 | 0:17:29 | |
Yeah. | 0:17:29 | 0:17:30 | |
-Yeah. -Well, I suppose it's different for you. | 0:17:33 | 0:17:36 | |
Your mum and dad never got on, did they? | 0:17:36 | 0:17:38 | |
So they might not want to be together for ever in eternity. | 0:17:38 | 0:17:43 | |
But it's... | 0:17:43 | 0:17:45 | |
It's bothered me about mine. | 0:17:45 | 0:17:48 | |
But then we now know he was unfaithful to her, so... | 0:17:49 | 0:17:53 | |
Maybe she wouldn't have wanted that anyway now, so... | 0:17:56 | 0:17:58 | |
Oh, I don't know. | 0:17:58 | 0:18:00 | |
Sorry, I should've told you. | 0:18:03 | 0:18:05 | |
So, when did you know? | 0:18:05 | 0:18:07 | |
When they altered their wills last summer. | 0:18:07 | 0:18:10 | |
I'm my mother's executor, so I had to sign something. | 0:18:10 | 0:18:13 | |
-May, June, around then. -You're an executor? -Yeah. | 0:18:14 | 0:18:18 | |
GEARS CRUNCH | 0:18:23 | 0:18:25 | |
TYRES SCREECH | 0:18:27 | 0:18:28 | |
Here he is! | 0:18:28 | 0:18:30 | |
-Better start the washing up. -Yeah. | 0:18:33 | 0:18:35 | |
Did you, erm, bring the stuff? | 0:18:35 | 0:18:37 | |
£9.99. | 0:18:42 | 0:18:44 | |
We're having a seance when it gets dark. Do you want to play...join in? | 0:18:48 | 0:18:52 | |
Yeah. Why not? | 0:18:52 | 0:18:53 | |
-Ah. -Hello. -Is there any more... | 0:19:00 | 0:19:03 | |
-I thought you'd come to help me with the washing up. -Oh, yeah. Can do. | 0:19:04 | 0:19:09 | |
Um... | 0:19:09 | 0:19:11 | |
-Why are you here? -To be with the boys. | 0:19:13 | 0:19:17 | |
No, really. | 0:19:17 | 0:19:18 | |
Oh... | 0:19:18 | 0:19:20 | |
You think this is me desperately needing to be with other people | 0:19:20 | 0:19:24 | |
on Christmas Day because I can't stand being on my own with her? No! | 0:19:24 | 0:19:28 | |
Not in the least. | 0:19:28 | 0:19:30 | |
Since she stopped drinking, well, some days it's touch and go, | 0:19:30 | 0:19:34 | |
but on the whole... | 0:19:34 | 0:19:36 | |
I think we're actually pretty well matched. She's great fun. | 0:19:36 | 0:19:40 | |
Very clever. | 0:19:40 | 0:19:41 | |
No, I often think, as I'm sure you do, | 0:19:43 | 0:19:45 | |
that things always tend to work out for the best...in the end. | 0:19:45 | 0:19:50 | |
One way and another. | 0:19:52 | 0:19:55 | |
Good. | 0:19:55 | 0:19:56 | |
Well, good. | 0:19:58 | 0:20:00 | |
Good. | 0:20:03 | 0:20:04 | |
I'm pleased for you. | 0:20:07 | 0:20:09 | |
TV ON IN THE BACKGROUND | 0:20:27 | 0:20:29 | |
You don't fancy doing this play instead of me, do you? | 0:20:37 | 0:20:41 | |
-Playing this Dr Bradman fellow? -Me? -Yeah. -I can't act | 0:20:41 | 0:20:46 | |
-any more than you can. -Well, I don't think that matters, as such. | 0:20:46 | 0:20:51 | |
-It's only am-dram. -Well, no, I don't fancy doing it. | 0:20:51 | 0:20:55 | |
I think I've bitten off more than I can chew. | 0:20:55 | 0:20:58 | |
Aye. Well, you shouldn't have been | 0:21:00 | 0:21:01 | |
so keen to say yes just to make some damn silly point, should you? | 0:21:01 | 0:21:04 | |
I didn't want Celia to be disappointed if it all fell through. | 0:21:04 | 0:21:08 | |
-You'll be all right. -I keep having nightmares. | 0:21:10 | 0:21:13 | |
We're standing in the wings and I'm in costume | 0:21:14 | 0:21:17 | |
and I'm just about to step on stage and, God knows why, | 0:21:17 | 0:21:21 | |
it's only then I realise | 0:21:21 | 0:21:23 | |
I've never actually sat down and learned the lines. | 0:21:23 | 0:21:27 | |
-None of them. -Ooh, shit. | 0:21:27 | 0:21:29 | |
I know. | 0:21:29 | 0:21:31 | |
I've had it three times now. | 0:21:31 | 0:21:33 | |
You only got the part two days ago. | 0:21:33 | 0:21:35 | |
Yeah, but I have naps. | 0:21:35 | 0:21:38 | |
Well, it's only a dream. It's probably normal. | 0:21:41 | 0:21:44 | |
I bet Laurence Olivier were the same. | 0:21:44 | 0:21:46 | |
-Go on. -What? | 0:21:46 | 0:21:48 | |
You do it. You'll be better than me. | 0:21:50 | 0:21:52 | |
-No. -Think about it. | 0:21:52 | 0:21:55 | |
No. | 0:21:55 | 0:21:56 | |
-Is there a gardener? -Eh? -In the play, is there a gardener? | 0:22:05 | 0:22:09 | |
No. Not that I know of. | 0:22:11 | 0:22:14 | |
Why? | 0:22:14 | 0:22:15 | |
I could be a gardener. | 0:22:15 | 0:22:17 | |
There isn't a gardener. | 0:22:17 | 0:22:20 | |
-I'd be a good gardener. -There isn't one. | 0:22:20 | 0:22:22 | |
-Well, happen there should be. -Well, there isn't. | 0:22:22 | 0:22:25 | |
-Well, happen somebody should write one in, then. -He's dead. | 0:22:25 | 0:22:28 | |
-Who is? -The fella that wrote it. | 0:22:28 | 0:22:30 | |
Noel. | 0:22:30 | 0:22:31 | |
Yeah, him. | 0:22:31 | 0:22:33 | |
I'd make a good gardener. | 0:22:36 | 0:22:38 | |
This doctor, happen he does a bit of gardening in his spare time. | 0:22:41 | 0:22:45 | |
Happen you could think of him more as a gardener than a doctor. | 0:22:45 | 0:22:48 | |
Bugger off. I'm not falling for that. A doctor's a doctor. | 0:22:48 | 0:22:52 | |
-I know what you should do. -What? -Play it for laughs. | 0:22:58 | 0:23:02 | |
Get a big set of false teeth, like that vicar Dick Emery used to do, | 0:23:02 | 0:23:06 | |
and talk like a silly arse. It would bring the house down. It will. | 0:23:06 | 0:23:10 | |
That's what you need. A gimmick. A thing. | 0:23:10 | 0:23:13 | |
You could do a limp, something like that. You could be a bit pissed. | 0:23:13 | 0:23:17 | |
Play him pissed. A pissed doctor. That'll get 'em going. | 0:23:17 | 0:23:22 | |
A pissed doctor that squints. Hey? | 0:23:22 | 0:23:25 | |
A limp, pissed, squint and... | 0:23:25 | 0:23:27 | |
stick your teeth out and talk like a silly arse. | 0:23:27 | 0:23:31 | |
They'll give you a Bafta for that! | 0:23:31 | 0:23:33 | |
You see, you've got more ideas than me! I think you're missing a trick. | 0:23:33 | 0:23:38 | |
HARRY GRUMBLES | 0:23:38 | 0:23:40 | |
-I don't... -What? | 0:23:43 | 0:23:46 | |
I don't think I can learn these lines. | 0:23:46 | 0:23:48 | |
Not in three days. | 0:23:48 | 0:23:50 | |
HE SIGHS | 0:23:50 | 0:23:52 | |
At one time, happen, but not now. And I have tried. | 0:23:52 | 0:23:56 | |
HE SIGHS | 0:23:57 | 0:23:59 | |
Well... I'll have a look. | 0:24:01 | 0:24:04 | |
Eee... | 0:24:08 | 0:24:10 | |
Well, everybody can't put their hand on the planchette | 0:24:10 | 0:24:13 | |
because there isn't room. | 0:24:13 | 0:24:15 | |
-I'm happy to just watch. Can you just watch? -Er, yeah. | 0:24:15 | 0:24:17 | |
I'm not sure this is something that you really want to be doing. | 0:24:17 | 0:24:20 | |
If you're going to have doubts about it, it won't work. | 0:24:20 | 0:24:22 | |
It says so on the instructions. | 0:24:22 | 0:24:24 | |
Yeah, shut up. Let's just get on with it, yeah? | 0:24:24 | 0:24:26 | |
-Right. I'll just watch. -Come on, we're losing momentum. | 0:24:26 | 0:24:29 | |
-Who's going to be in charge, then? Have we decided? -Granny. | 0:24:29 | 0:24:31 | |
It's good research for a play that she's in. | 0:24:31 | 0:24:33 | |
Good. Come on, Celia. You'll be good at this. | 0:24:33 | 0:24:36 | |
Right, come on, kids. Concentrate. | 0:24:36 | 0:24:38 | |
Shh. | 0:24:38 | 0:24:39 | |
Is there anybody there? | 0:24:47 | 0:24:50 | |
SNIGGERING | 0:24:51 | 0:24:53 | |
-Sorry. -You will have to leave the room. -Sorry. | 0:24:53 | 0:24:56 | |
Nerves. Sorry, Celia. | 0:24:56 | 0:24:59 | |
Is there anybody there? | 0:25:02 | 0:25:04 | |
-Oh, shit. -Did you feel that? -Keep your hands on. | 0:25:05 | 0:25:08 | |
Did you do that? | 0:25:08 | 0:25:10 | |
Shh. | 0:25:10 | 0:25:12 | |
-RAFF: -Was that real? | 0:25:12 | 0:25:13 | |
-Shh. -Was it? People better not be messing about. | 0:25:13 | 0:25:16 | |
Oh, come on. Concentrate. | 0:25:16 | 0:25:18 | |
Are you there? | 0:25:20 | 0:25:22 | |
Please indicate to us if you are there. | 0:25:22 | 0:25:25 | |
Is there anybody there? | 0:25:27 | 0:25:29 | |
-You're doing that. -I am not. | 0:25:30 | 0:25:33 | |
That's weird. That is weird. That's weird. | 0:25:33 | 0:25:36 | |
-Someone is with us. LAWRENCE: -Have you done this before, Granny? -No. | 0:25:36 | 0:25:40 | |
-Granny, are you moving it? -No, she isn't. -No. | 0:25:42 | 0:25:45 | |
Are you a spirit of the departed, passed over, from the other side? | 0:25:47 | 0:25:51 | |
-Celia, no, really. Is that you? -That's weird. -Put your hand back on. | 0:25:53 | 0:25:57 | |
I think it's weird. | 0:25:57 | 0:25:59 | |
Spirit...spell out your name for us. | 0:25:59 | 0:26:02 | |
Oh, my God. | 0:26:04 | 0:26:05 | |
S. | 0:26:05 | 0:26:07 | |
P. | 0:26:08 | 0:26:10 | |
SHE GASPS | 0:26:10 | 0:26:12 | |
I. | 0:26:12 | 0:26:14 | |
K. | 0:26:15 | 0:26:17 | |
E. | 0:26:19 | 0:26:20 | |
-Spike? -Ooh, no. That's freaky, that. | 0:26:22 | 0:26:26 | |
We used to have a cat called Spike. | 0:26:26 | 0:26:29 | |
A black cat. He got chopped up in a combine in the lower field. | 0:26:29 | 0:26:34 | |
-Do you remember, Mum? -Yeah. Yeah, I remember it was me that k... | 0:26:34 | 0:26:38 | |
I'm not sure I want to do this any more. | 0:26:41 | 0:26:44 | |
SNORING | 0:26:58 | 0:27:00 | |
Shut up. | 0:27:00 | 0:27:02 | |
Shh. | 0:27:04 | 0:27:06 | |
SNORING CONTINUES | 0:27:06 | 0:27:09 | |
Shut up! | 0:27:09 | 0:27:10 | |
Robbie, shut up! | 0:27:13 | 0:27:15 | |
SNORING CONTINUES | 0:27:16 | 0:27:18 | |
Robbie. | 0:27:18 | 0:27:20 | |
Robbie. Robbie. | 0:27:20 | 0:27:23 | |
Robbie! | 0:27:23 | 0:27:25 | |
Robbie. ROBBIE! | 0:27:25 | 0:27:27 | |
HE GASPS | 0:27:27 | 0:27:29 | |
Stop snoring. | 0:27:29 | 0:27:30 | |
Sorry. | 0:27:32 | 0:27:33 | |
SNORING RESUMES F... hell! | 0:27:39 | 0:27:42 | |
DOOR SLAMS | 0:27:51 | 0:27:53 | |
-You all right? -Yeah. I can't sleep. | 0:28:13 | 0:28:15 | |
Why? | 0:28:15 | 0:28:17 | |
-Because you snore, Robbie. -Sorry. | 0:28:17 | 0:28:20 | |
-I can't... -What? | 0:28:22 | 0:28:24 | |
I can't do this any more. | 0:28:28 | 0:28:30 | |
What are you talking about? | 0:28:31 | 0:28:33 | |
This, us. | 0:28:33 | 0:28:34 | |
This, us - what? | 0:28:35 | 0:28:37 | |
SHE SIGHS | 0:28:37 | 0:28:38 | |
-Don't shout. -What do you mean, don't shout? | 0:28:41 | 0:28:44 | |
I don't want you to go busting your stitches by shouting. | 0:28:44 | 0:28:48 | |
Yeah, well, it's not at the top of my list of things to do, either. | 0:28:48 | 0:28:50 | |
I think... | 0:28:50 | 0:28:52 | |
Something weird's happening. | 0:28:52 | 0:28:54 | |
You what? | 0:28:55 | 0:28:57 | |
You won't like what I'm going to say | 0:28:57 | 0:28:59 | |
and you'll think I'm mental, which is fine. | 0:28:59 | 0:29:01 | |
Right. Well, you'd better spit it out, then. | 0:29:02 | 0:29:06 | |
I do care about you. | 0:29:18 | 0:29:20 | |
Good. | 0:29:21 | 0:29:23 | |
Which is why... | 0:29:23 | 0:29:25 | |
Why what? | 0:29:26 | 0:29:28 | |
Why I'm worried. | 0:29:30 | 0:29:32 | |
About what? | 0:29:32 | 0:29:34 | |
Eddie. | 0:29:37 | 0:29:39 | |
Eddie? | 0:29:39 | 0:29:41 | |
I... | 0:29:43 | 0:29:45 | |
I think he's in the barn. That's the third accident you've had in there. | 0:29:47 | 0:29:51 | |
I think he never left. | 0:29:54 | 0:29:56 | |
And he knows we've got married and he doesn't like it. | 0:29:56 | 0:29:59 | |
That's... | 0:29:59 | 0:30:01 | |
Daft, I know. I do know that. | 0:30:01 | 0:30:03 | |
I think it's easy to read too much into stuff. | 0:30:08 | 0:30:11 | |
Don't you ever feel odd in that barn? | 0:30:14 | 0:30:17 | |
Well, yeah... It's where he died. | 0:30:18 | 0:30:21 | |
Obviously it's going to feel odd, but... | 0:30:21 | 0:30:23 | |
No, no... SHE INHALES SHARPLY | 0:30:23 | 0:30:25 | |
That's just knowing someone... | 0:30:25 | 0:30:27 | |
..took their own life in there, | 0:30:28 | 0:30:30 | |
-that's all that is. -Yeah, but is it? -Yes! | 0:30:30 | 0:30:32 | |
There's no such thing as ghosts. | 0:30:32 | 0:30:35 | |
OK, I've had three accidents, | 0:30:35 | 0:30:37 | |
but accidents happen. | 0:30:37 | 0:30:39 | |
It isn't like there isn't a logical explanation for 'em all. | 0:30:39 | 0:30:42 | |
That log falling on your head wasn't logical. | 0:30:42 | 0:30:44 | |
Except I was stacking logs at the time. | 0:30:44 | 0:30:46 | |
You said it felt like someone lobbed it at you. | 0:30:46 | 0:30:48 | |
That was the first thing you said when you came through that door! | 0:30:48 | 0:30:51 | |
Right. Supposing... | 0:30:51 | 0:30:53 | |
even supposing that there was something like that, | 0:30:53 | 0:30:55 | |
which there isn't, what could you do about it? | 0:30:55 | 0:30:58 | |
We should never have got married. | 0:31:00 | 0:31:02 | |
-He doesn't like it. -Have you got any idea how mad that sounds? | 0:31:03 | 0:31:07 | |
I am actually...past caring if it sounds mad. He's in there. | 0:31:07 | 0:31:11 | |
I've known he was in there for years, | 0:31:11 | 0:31:13 | |
only I've convinced myself I was being stupid. | 0:31:13 | 0:31:15 | |
Gillian, he's not in there! He's dead! | 0:31:15 | 0:31:18 | |
He killed himself because he didn't want to be around any more. | 0:31:18 | 0:31:22 | |
-We should never have got married. -Oh, that's just... | 0:31:22 | 0:31:25 | |
It's you I'm thinking about. It's you that keeps getting hurt. | 0:31:25 | 0:31:29 | |
Except, next time, if he does kill you, guess who'll be in the frame? | 0:31:29 | 0:31:32 | |
Guess who your buddies at the cop shop will be down on | 0:31:32 | 0:31:35 | |
-like a ton of bricks? -Well, OK. | 0:31:35 | 0:31:37 | |
Well... | 0:31:39 | 0:31:40 | |
Why don't we sell up and start again somewhere else if you're that upset? | 0:31:40 | 0:31:44 | |
-Because he'd follow us. -Gillian... | 0:31:45 | 0:31:48 | |
Anyway, I'm not being chased out by him. | 0:31:48 | 0:31:51 | |
This was my farm, not his. I...I worked for it. | 0:31:51 | 0:31:54 | |
I'm not going to be bullied by him. | 0:31:54 | 0:31:56 | |
I had enough of that to put up with when he was alive. | 0:31:56 | 0:31:58 | |
No, you won't be chased out by him, | 0:31:58 | 0:32:00 | |
but you'll give up on our marriage because of him! | 0:32:00 | 0:32:03 | |
I shouldn't have married you. That's the point. You're his brother. | 0:32:03 | 0:32:07 | |
It was a wrong thing to do. | 0:32:07 | 0:32:08 | |
That's... It's superstitious! It's crap! | 0:32:08 | 0:32:12 | |
He's been in there for years, watching me, | 0:32:12 | 0:32:14 | |
but he's never done anything like this before. | 0:32:14 | 0:32:17 | |
I don't think it's helpful thinking about him like this. | 0:32:17 | 0:32:20 | |
I think we should let him rest in peace, for all his faults. | 0:32:20 | 0:32:23 | |
-I'd love to. -He's gone! He can't hurt you any more. | 0:32:23 | 0:32:26 | |
So, why is this happening? | 0:32:28 | 0:32:30 | |
You... You've chosen to connect two things. | 0:32:30 | 0:32:33 | |
It's all in here. | 0:32:36 | 0:32:37 | |
I want you to leave. | 0:32:42 | 0:32:43 | |
For your own good. | 0:32:43 | 0:32:45 | |
No. Gillian...think about it. | 0:32:45 | 0:32:48 | |
There's no evidence. | 0:32:48 | 0:32:50 | |
You're letting your imagination get the better of you. | 0:32:50 | 0:32:53 | |
-You're being silly. -Silly? | 0:32:53 | 0:32:56 | |
You think this is just silly? | 0:32:56 | 0:32:59 | |
I'm going mad, Robbie! | 0:32:59 | 0:33:01 | |
Did you know Caroline is an executor for her mother's will? | 0:33:03 | 0:33:07 | |
I don't get asked. Dad doesn't ask me. | 0:33:08 | 0:33:10 | |
-What's that got to do with anything? -Nothing. It's just... | 0:33:10 | 0:33:13 | |
She's doing my head in! | 0:33:13 | 0:33:15 | |
And of course I'd look small-minded if I say anything. | 0:33:15 | 0:33:18 | |
Look, I can see you're upset. | 0:33:20 | 0:33:22 | |
I can see that you believe it's real, this...business, | 0:33:22 | 0:33:25 | |
but from my point of view... | 0:33:25 | 0:33:26 | |
-..I can't. -Right. | 0:33:28 | 0:33:29 | |
Well... Who's this fella that Calamity's been seeing, then? | 0:33:29 | 0:33:33 | |
She's a kiddie. | 0:33:33 | 0:33:34 | |
-It's imaginary. -Yeah, but is it? | 0:33:34 | 0:33:37 | |
Some people think children can see things we can't. | 0:33:40 | 0:33:43 | |
Gill! | 0:33:43 | 0:33:45 | |
You know... you're starting to sound... | 0:33:45 | 0:33:47 | |
I never thought of you as flaky, Gillian. | 0:33:48 | 0:33:51 | |
SHE GASPS | 0:33:51 | 0:33:53 | |
There's something I've never told you. | 0:33:58 | 0:34:00 | |
What? | 0:34:00 | 0:34:02 | |
SHE EXHALES | 0:34:02 | 0:34:04 | |
What? | 0:34:04 | 0:34:05 | |
You were right. | 0:34:10 | 0:34:12 | |
All those years ago, trying to get me arrested. | 0:34:13 | 0:34:17 | |
Not my dad. He knew nothing. | 0:34:17 | 0:34:19 | |
It was me. | 0:34:21 | 0:34:23 | |
It wasn't an accident, it wasn't suicide. | 0:34:24 | 0:34:27 | |
It was me. I saw an opportunity and I...I took it. | 0:34:28 | 0:34:31 | |
I was off my head at the time. I was off my head with the... | 0:34:31 | 0:34:36 | |
the turmoil of having to live with a mad, torturing bastard. | 0:34:36 | 0:34:38 | |
-You're just saying that. -I'm not. | 0:34:38 | 0:34:40 | |
-You didn't really do it. -No, I did. And...I think... | 0:34:40 | 0:34:44 | |
..I can't live...like this any more. | 0:34:45 | 0:34:48 | |
I did it because I couldn't stand it, but I did it. I... | 0:34:50 | 0:34:53 | |
Why are you saying this? | 0:34:54 | 0:34:56 | |
-I can't be married to you, because I killed your brother. -You... | 0:34:56 | 0:35:00 | |
-Don't say that. Why would you even say that? -I need to tell the truth. | 0:35:00 | 0:35:05 | |
I could cope, just about, till we got married. | 0:35:06 | 0:35:09 | |
I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have done it to you. | 0:35:09 | 0:35:13 | |
-How did you kill him? -Oh... You know how I killed him. -Describe it to me. | 0:35:14 | 0:35:18 | |
Oh, fuck off! | 0:35:18 | 0:35:20 | |
Describe it to me! | 0:35:20 | 0:35:22 | |
He was playing with the log-splitter. | 0:35:22 | 0:35:26 | |
No helmet. | 0:35:26 | 0:35:27 | |
He didn't know I was there. | 0:35:27 | 0:35:29 | |
I came in behind him and I shoved his head in the way of the blade, | 0:35:29 | 0:35:32 | |
and it shattered his skull. | 0:35:32 | 0:35:35 | |
He was drunk, I was drunk. | 0:35:35 | 0:35:37 | |
No, you were just... | 0:35:37 | 0:35:38 | |
-You're trying to get rid of me. -I'm... No. | 0:35:39 | 0:35:42 | |
SHE EXHALES | 0:35:44 | 0:35:46 | |
I need...to face the consequences and get it done with. | 0:35:46 | 0:35:50 | |
-You want me to arrest you? -Yeah. I think you should. | 0:35:50 | 0:35:53 | |
Erm...make a phone call. | 0:35:53 | 0:35:55 | |
SHE MUMBLES | 0:35:55 | 0:35:56 | |
Do whatever you have to do. | 0:35:56 | 0:35:58 | |
-You're serious, aren't you? -I killed him and I got away with it. | 0:35:58 | 0:36:01 | |
Except I didn't. | 0:36:01 | 0:36:03 | |
I want some peace. | 0:36:05 | 0:36:06 | |
And I'll never have any peace until I deal with it. | 0:36:10 | 0:36:13 | |
I'd rather kill myself than carry on like this. | 0:36:18 | 0:36:21 | |
I'm going to get dressed. | 0:36:28 | 0:36:30 | |
I'm going to pack a few things... | 0:36:30 | 0:36:33 | |
and I think... | 0:36:33 | 0:36:35 | |
..I'm leaving. | 0:36:38 | 0:36:39 | |
-Morning. -Hi. | 0:37:03 | 0:37:04 | |
You all right? | 0:37:07 | 0:37:08 | |
Robbie's gone. | 0:37:08 | 0:37:10 | |
It's, erm, been brewing for a while, and now he's gone. | 0:37:10 | 0:37:14 | |
Where? | 0:37:14 | 0:37:15 | |
Why? | 0:37:17 | 0:37:18 | |
Like I say, it's... | 0:37:20 | 0:37:21 | |
-Are you all right? -Yeah. I don't know. No! | 0:37:23 | 0:37:27 | |
-Has something happened? -No. No. | 0:37:30 | 0:37:33 | |
I asked him to go and he went. | 0:37:33 | 0:37:35 | |
You asked him to go? | 0:37:37 | 0:37:39 | |
I'm fond of him. I've always been fond of him. | 0:37:44 | 0:37:46 | |
But we should never have got married. | 0:37:48 | 0:37:51 | |
I think we both know that now. | 0:37:51 | 0:37:54 | |
HE SIGHS | 0:37:54 | 0:37:56 | |
I'm sorry... | 0:37:56 | 0:37:57 | |
Have I shocked you? Are you upset? | 0:37:59 | 0:38:02 | |
Is he all right? | 0:38:05 | 0:38:07 | |
I don't know. | 0:38:07 | 0:38:09 | |
-Harry?! -Yeah... He'll be better than me. -He'll muck it up! | 0:38:10 | 0:38:15 | |
No, he won't. | 0:38:15 | 0:38:16 | |
-He'll do it daft. -He's got some very interesting ideas. -I bet! | 0:38:16 | 0:38:21 | |
I think he'll put his heart and soul into it. | 0:38:21 | 0:38:24 | |
-He doesn't look like a doctor. -Well, neither do I. -Yes, you do. | 0:38:24 | 0:38:28 | |
-You look distinguished. -So does he! -Does he buggery! | 0:38:28 | 0:38:32 | |
Anyway, what do doctors look like? They're just people. | 0:38:32 | 0:38:35 | |
They come in all...physiognomies. | 0:38:35 | 0:38:38 | |
-He's got a beard. -HE SIGHS | 0:38:38 | 0:38:40 | |
-Freud had a beard. -Yeah, and he was a pillock. Sex, sex, sex. | 0:38:40 | 0:38:46 | |
-He won't be a patch on you! -It's just... | 0:38:46 | 0:38:48 | |
HE SIGHS | 0:38:50 | 0:38:51 | |
It's not my thing, I've realised, | 0:38:51 | 0:38:54 | |
standing on a stage, everyone looking, expecting summat. | 0:38:54 | 0:38:59 | |
I... I'm sorry. I were only doing it to help you out. | 0:38:59 | 0:39:03 | |
And he'll be perfectly... | 0:39:03 | 0:39:05 | |
He'll be better than me. | 0:39:05 | 0:39:07 | |
Well, I don't think he will. | 0:39:07 | 0:39:09 | |
And I'm disappointed. | 0:39:09 | 0:39:12 | |
I'll be involved. I...could... | 0:39:12 | 0:39:15 | |
sell programmes at the door. I could do the bar. | 0:39:15 | 0:39:19 | |
Do they have a bar? | 0:39:19 | 0:39:21 | |
I think you should reserve judgment wi' Harry. | 0:39:22 | 0:39:25 | |
I think you might be pleasantly surprised. | 0:39:25 | 0:39:28 | |
I'm going to brush my teeth. | 0:39:30 | 0:39:32 | |
Right. | 0:39:32 | 0:39:33 | |
-I'm sick of Harry! -No, you're not. -Yes, I fucking am! | 0:39:36 | 0:39:39 | |
-Oh, Mum! -Well, if you can't say the F-word | 0:39:39 | 0:39:43 | |
when you're pissed off at my age, when can you say it? | 0:39:43 | 0:39:46 | |
Oh, she's not listening. She's not bothered. | 0:39:46 | 0:39:50 | |
Anyway, you like hearing your granny swear, don't you? | 0:39:50 | 0:39:53 | |
She finds it liberating and uplifting, don't you, chicken? | 0:39:53 | 0:39:57 | |
Ganny! | 0:39:57 | 0:39:59 | |
SHE CHUCKLES | 0:39:59 | 0:40:00 | |
-See? -Yeah, well, so do I, most of the time, however... | 0:40:00 | 0:40:03 | |
can you just button it? | 0:40:03 | 0:40:05 | |
Oh, you're so conventional-minded, you. | 0:40:05 | 0:40:08 | |
-What's up? -I think I put my foot in it yesterday with Gillian. | 0:40:10 | 0:40:14 | |
I mentioned the fact that I was an executor of your will, | 0:40:14 | 0:40:17 | |
and I didn't realise that she wasn't... | 0:40:17 | 0:40:20 | |
with her dad. | 0:40:20 | 0:40:22 | |
-So... -Oh, well, wouldn't worry. | 0:40:22 | 0:40:25 | |
You know, he's worried... | 0:40:26 | 0:40:28 | |
that he can't remember his lines. | 0:40:28 | 0:40:30 | |
I heard them talking last night, him and Harry. | 0:40:30 | 0:40:34 | |
He's been struggling to remember his lines, then having bad dreams. | 0:40:34 | 0:40:38 | |
He doesn't want to let you down, but perhaps he genuinely isn't up to it. | 0:40:38 | 0:40:43 | |
And he has a heart condition. | 0:40:43 | 0:40:45 | |
-What do you mean? You think his memory's not...? -He's 78! -So am I! | 0:40:45 | 0:40:50 | |
Well, are YOU going to be ready on time? | 0:40:50 | 0:40:52 | |
You've got a lot more lines than he has, and you've only got three days. | 0:40:52 | 0:40:56 | |
Oh, I'll be all right. | 0:40:56 | 0:40:58 | |
-SHE CHUCKLES -Oh, God knows. | 0:40:58 | 0:41:01 | |
But I mean, you can't let the side down | 0:41:01 | 0:41:03 | |
when you've said you'll do something, can you? | 0:41:03 | 0:41:05 | |
Well...I can't. | 0:41:05 | 0:41:08 | |
Have you been online? Got your tickets? | 0:41:08 | 0:41:11 | |
-You know we're nearly sold out? -Yes! Everybody's coming. | 0:41:12 | 0:41:16 | |
And I mean everybody. | 0:41:16 | 0:41:18 | |
John, Judith, Greg, Angus, you name it. They can't wait. | 0:41:18 | 0:41:21 | |
-What night are you coming? -First night! | 0:41:21 | 0:41:23 | |
-It's the only night that had any tickets left. -And Olga? | 0:41:23 | 0:41:26 | |
-Olga? -She said she wanted to come the other day. I like Olga. | 0:41:26 | 0:41:33 | |
Do you? | 0:41:33 | 0:41:34 | |
Why? | 0:41:34 | 0:41:36 | |
-Hiya. -Hi. | 0:41:50 | 0:41:52 | |
Can I get a cup of tea, please, love? | 0:41:52 | 0:41:54 | |
Thank you for coming. | 0:41:59 | 0:42:00 | |
How's your neck? | 0:42:05 | 0:42:07 | |
Fine. | 0:42:07 | 0:42:09 | |
-How are you? -Um... | 0:42:09 | 0:42:11 | |
God knows. I'm all over the place. | 0:42:12 | 0:42:14 | |
Are you still of the opinion...that that's the truth, what you told me? | 0:42:15 | 0:42:21 | |
I don't think anybody knew... | 0:42:21 | 0:42:24 | |
..what I was going through with him. | 0:42:25 | 0:42:27 | |
And I had a little kid to look after, as well. | 0:42:29 | 0:42:31 | |
If I hadn't... | 0:42:33 | 0:42:35 | |
..done it to him, he'd have done it to me one day. | 0:42:36 | 0:42:39 | |
One day it would've happened. | 0:42:39 | 0:42:41 | |
You know. | 0:42:41 | 0:42:42 | |
You know what he was like. | 0:42:42 | 0:42:44 | |
But maybe you don't know the extent of it. | 0:42:47 | 0:42:50 | |
Maybe you can imagine without me... | 0:42:54 | 0:42:56 | |
spelling it out. | 0:42:56 | 0:42:58 | |
Are you all right? | 0:43:02 | 0:43:04 | |
Sad. | 0:43:04 | 0:43:06 | |
I'm just sad. | 0:43:11 | 0:43:13 | |
Sad for him. | 0:43:13 | 0:43:15 | |
Sad for me. | 0:43:15 | 0:43:17 | |
So, what are we going to do? | 0:43:20 | 0:43:22 | |
Are you going to report me? Do you want me to hand myself in? | 0:43:23 | 0:43:26 | |
It wouldn't bring him back, would it? | 0:43:26 | 0:43:29 | |
But maybe there's only me would want him back. | 0:43:30 | 0:43:33 | |
I don't know. | 0:43:34 | 0:43:36 | |
I do know what he was like, that side of him. | 0:43:37 | 0:43:40 | |
I should have married you. | 0:43:40 | 0:43:43 | |
-Years ago. -Yeah. -But not him. | 0:43:43 | 0:43:46 | |
Yeah, but you didn't. | 0:43:47 | 0:43:49 | |
You were obsessed with him. | 0:43:50 | 0:43:52 | |
Yeah. Fucking idiot. | 0:43:52 | 0:43:53 | |
I'm sorry... | 0:43:54 | 0:43:55 | |
I think you're right, though. I don't, erm... | 0:43:58 | 0:44:00 | |
I can't stay there. Not now. | 0:44:02 | 0:44:04 | |
I think that would be, erm... | 0:44:06 | 0:44:08 | |
-Have you told anyone else? -No. No, I... | 0:44:10 | 0:44:13 | |
My dad really didn't know. The worst thing he knew was that I didn't... | 0:44:14 | 0:44:18 | |
call for an ambulance as soon as I should have done. | 0:44:18 | 0:44:21 | |
And that did his head in. | 0:44:22 | 0:44:24 | |
I'm not going to do owt rash, but I had an offer on the house. | 0:44:26 | 0:44:30 | |
Remember? | 0:44:30 | 0:44:32 | |
Months ago. A cheeky offer, way below the asking price. | 0:44:32 | 0:44:36 | |
They said if I changed my mind, then... | 0:44:36 | 0:44:39 | |
So if they're still offering... | 0:44:39 | 0:44:41 | |
I might take it. | 0:44:41 | 0:44:43 | |
Then I think I might travel. | 0:44:44 | 0:44:47 | |
I've always fancied Canada. | 0:44:47 | 0:44:49 | |
You mean, like...permanently? | 0:44:49 | 0:44:52 | |
Maybe. | 0:44:55 | 0:44:56 | |
Right. | 0:44:56 | 0:44:58 | |
So we're not going to the police station? | 0:45:00 | 0:45:03 | |
No. | 0:45:05 | 0:45:06 | |
Excuse me. Thank you. | 0:45:17 | 0:45:19 | |
Hello...darling! | 0:45:20 | 0:45:23 | |
Are you pi... | 0:45:24 | 0:45:25 | |
(Pixelated?) | 0:45:25 | 0:45:27 | |
I may have had the odd sherbet or two, just to... | 0:45:27 | 0:45:31 | |
steady the old nerves. | 0:45:31 | 0:45:33 | |
It's packed! | 0:45:33 | 0:45:35 | |
Gillian isn't here, and Olga hasn't turned up, | 0:45:35 | 0:45:37 | |
but everybody else is here and they're all excited! | 0:45:37 | 0:45:40 | |
-He's pickled! -I love you, Alan. | 0:45:40 | 0:45:43 | |
I knew this would happen, or something like it. | 0:45:43 | 0:45:45 | |
This is, lest we forget, the fella that capsized a 75ft narrow boat | 0:45:45 | 0:45:49 | |
and damaged a small enclave of West Yorkshire! | 0:45:49 | 0:45:52 | |
-That's cheap, bringing that up. -How much have you had? | 0:45:52 | 0:45:57 | |
Don't worry, it's method. | 0:45:57 | 0:45:59 | |
I've, erm, decided the good doctor is indeed an alcoholic. | 0:45:59 | 0:46:05 | |
-But he isn't! It's not in the script! -You're joking! | 0:46:05 | 0:46:08 | |
They knocked back dry martinis for breakfast, this lot! | 0:46:08 | 0:46:10 | |
-Have you not read... -BELL RINGS | 0:46:10 | 0:46:12 | |
Has she not read... | 0:46:12 | 0:46:14 | |
We're on! | 0:46:14 | 0:46:16 | |
-We're on, everyone! -Get off me hat! | 0:46:16 | 0:46:19 | |
HARRY MUTTERS | 0:46:21 | 0:46:22 | |
-That's right, Edith. -Yes, ma'am. | 0:46:36 | 0:46:39 | |
Now, you'd better fetch me the ice bucket. | 0:46:39 | 0:46:41 | |
-Shh! -Did you get my white wine? I wanted a white wine. | 0:46:41 | 0:46:45 | |
Edith, as you're not in the Navy, | 0:46:45 | 0:46:47 | |
it is unnecessary to do everything at the double. | 0:46:47 | 0:46:51 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:46:51 | 0:46:52 | |
Olga? | 0:47:06 | 0:47:07 | |
-Yeah? -Gillian. I'm, erm, a friend of Caroline. | 0:47:07 | 0:47:11 | |
-Oh. -Her mum married my dad. | 0:47:11 | 0:47:14 | |
Ah, sweet! Are we late? | 0:47:14 | 0:47:17 | |
Sorry, ladies, the curtain's just gone up. | 0:47:19 | 0:47:23 | |
I can sneak you in if you don't mind waiting for a lull. | 0:47:23 | 0:47:25 | |
-Take your time. -Yeah, whenever. | 0:47:25 | 0:47:27 | |
-< -With your help, my love, I have risen above... | 0:47:27 | 0:47:30 | |
-I hate am-dram. -Me too. -I'm only here cos... Well, you know. | 0:47:30 | 0:47:35 | |
Yeah. Yeah. | 0:47:35 | 0:47:38 | |
Hey, fancy a drink? | 0:47:38 | 0:47:40 | |
-Oh...come... -Susan! -Oh, my love! | 0:47:48 | 0:47:51 | |
Oh, ignore him, Susan. | 0:47:51 | 0:47:53 | |
-Do your best, love. -Just refer to the script. | 0:47:53 | 0:47:55 | |
Everybody knows you've stepped in at the last minute. | 0:47:55 | 0:47:58 | |
-Nobody will think anything of it. -I'm word perfect. | 0:47:58 | 0:48:00 | |
THEY ALL GASP | 0:48:02 | 0:48:04 | |
Jesus! | 0:48:04 | 0:48:06 | |
-Oh, dear! -Oh, no! -Let's have a look. | 0:48:06 | 0:48:08 | |
Susan's a midwife! | 0:48:08 | 0:48:09 | |
OK, Harry, listen to me. Listen to me, love. You're not going on stage. | 0:48:09 | 0:48:13 | |
Ring 999. He's broken something. | 0:48:13 | 0:48:16 | |
It's all right, you're all right. You're going to be absolutely fine. | 0:48:16 | 0:48:19 | |
I just need you to stay still. That's right, you squeeze my hand. | 0:48:19 | 0:48:24 | |
-Ohhh! -That's it. -What is it? | 0:48:24 | 0:48:25 | |
We've got a compound fracture. | 0:48:25 | 0:48:27 | |
-Oh... You'll have to go on, Alan. -Eh? Eh? -He can't! | 0:48:27 | 0:48:32 | |
-You'll have to talk to them. -Look, Alan will go on, with Susan. -Really? | 0:48:32 | 0:48:37 | |
We'll stay here with Nitwit until the ambulance arrives. | 0:48:37 | 0:48:40 | |
-Look, I... I... I...! -Harry, where's your script? -Oh, it's, erm... | 0:48:40 | 0:48:44 | |
Can you see it? | 0:48:44 | 0:48:45 | |
Alan, just read the lines. Just... Honestly, Alan, you'll be wonderful! | 0:48:45 | 0:48:52 | |
I... I... You've got to stop the show now. Surely. Surely... | 0:48:52 | 0:48:57 | |
Are you a man or a mouse? | 0:48:57 | 0:48:59 | |
Go on, get up on the stage, be the mouse that roared. | 0:48:59 | 0:49:02 | |
Cry havoc! For England and...Boy George... What's that quotation? | 0:49:02 | 0:49:06 | |
Come on, Susan. | 0:49:06 | 0:49:08 | |
She's probably on one knee in a pre-sprinting position, | 0:49:08 | 0:49:12 | |
waiting for Cook to open the kitchen door. | 0:49:12 | 0:49:15 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:49:15 | 0:49:16 | |
-Steady, Edith! -Yes, sir. | 0:49:16 | 0:49:19 | |
Dr and Mrs Bradman. | 0:49:19 | 0:49:22 | |
We're not late, are we? | 0:49:27 | 0:49:29 | |
I-I only got back from hospital half an hour ago. | 0:49:32 | 0:49:36 | |
No, no, of course not! | 0:49:36 | 0:49:39 | |
Madame Arcati hasn't arrived yet. | 0:49:39 | 0:49:41 | |
That must have been her we passed coming down the hill. | 0:49:41 | 0:49:44 | |
-I said I thought it was. -Then she won't be long. | 0:49:44 | 0:49:47 | |
-I'm so glad you were able to come. -We've been looking forward to it. | 0:49:47 | 0:49:51 | |
I'm really quite excited. | 0:49:51 | 0:49:53 | |
Oh... | 0:49:56 | 0:49:58 | |
Erm... | 0:49:58 | 0:49:59 | |
I guarantee...Violet will be good. | 0:49:59 | 0:50:03 | |
-I made her promise. -There wasn't any need! I'm absolutely thrilled! | 0:50:05 | 0:50:10 | |
I've only seen Madame Arcati two or three times in the village. | 0:50:10 | 0:50:13 | |
I mean, I've never seen her do anything peculiar at all, | 0:50:13 | 0:50:16 | |
if you know what I mean! | 0:50:16 | 0:50:18 | |
Dry martini? | 0:50:18 | 0:50:20 | |
POSH VOICE: By all means! LAUGHTER | 0:50:20 | 0:50:23 | |
I'm all for it. | 0:50:23 | 0:50:26 | |
I mean, I assume she's very good at what she does. | 0:50:26 | 0:50:29 | |
And why should all the private schools | 0:50:30 | 0:50:33 | |
get all the superstar head teachers? | 0:50:33 | 0:50:35 | |
It weren't just me, you know? I mean, it wasn't just what I said. | 0:50:35 | 0:50:40 | |
In fact, it probably wasn't me at all. There was this lad. | 0:50:40 | 0:50:43 | |
-What lad? -Wyatt. | 0:50:45 | 0:50:47 | |
-A lad she visits in the Young Offenders'. -Who? | 0:50:47 | 0:50:51 | |
He's the boy that was driving the car when Kate got killed. | 0:50:51 | 0:50:55 | |
He wrote to her saying he was sorry and would she visit him. | 0:50:55 | 0:50:59 | |
So she did. Has she not told you this? | 0:50:59 | 0:51:02 | |
-No. -He's 16. | 0:51:04 | 0:51:07 | |
He was terrified of her first time, he was shaking. | 0:51:07 | 0:51:10 | |
But he was desperate to say sorry to her. To her face. And it shook her. | 0:51:10 | 0:51:16 | |
Made her remember there are other reasons for being in teaching, | 0:51:17 | 0:51:21 | |
besides helping rich kids with sharp-elbowed parents | 0:51:21 | 0:51:24 | |
get into Oxbridge. | 0:51:24 | 0:51:26 | |
-I didn't know that. -Mm. | 0:51:28 | 0:51:30 | |
You should remind her. | 0:51:32 | 0:51:33 | |
About that. | 0:51:33 | 0:51:35 | |
She's thinking she's made a massive mistake coming here. | 0:51:36 | 0:51:40 | |
SIREN WAILS | 0:51:40 | 0:51:42 | |
-Ohh! -Try not to make a noise. -Who is it? -This way. | 0:51:52 | 0:51:57 | |
Ooh, Daphne, don't do that, dear. You're hurting me! | 0:52:02 | 0:52:07 | |
Oh, Daphne, dear, please! | 0:52:07 | 0:52:09 | |
Ooh! Ooh! | 0:52:10 | 0:52:12 | |
Ooh! No. | 0:52:12 | 0:52:15 | |
Be good, there's a dear child. | 0:52:15 | 0:52:17 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:52:17 | 0:52:19 | |
You say there is someone there who wishes to speak to someone here? | 0:52:19 | 0:52:24 | |
SINGLE KNOCK | 0:52:24 | 0:52:26 | |
Is it I? | 0:52:26 | 0:52:27 | |
TWO KNOCKS | 0:52:27 | 0:52:29 | |
Is it Dr Bradman? | 0:52:29 | 0:52:32 | |
TWO KNOCKS | 0:52:32 | 0:52:34 | |
Is it Mrs Condomine? | 0:52:34 | 0:52:36 | |
CONTINUOUS KNOCKING | 0:52:36 | 0:52:38 | |
Oh, stop it! Stop it! Stop! | 0:52:38 | 0:52:41 | |
She's actually quite good. | 0:52:41 | 0:52:44 | |
Ohhh... | 0:52:44 | 0:52:46 | |
-Oh, steady on! -Harry? | 0:52:46 | 0:52:49 | |
-What happened? -Oh... -Shouldn't you be on stage? | 0:52:49 | 0:52:52 | |
-Your dad's doing it. Oh, careful! -Come on. -Oh! | 0:52:52 | 0:52:56 | |
Oh... | 0:52:56 | 0:52:57 | |
Oh! What are you doing?! | 0:53:03 | 0:53:05 | |
Sorry, we have to go in now. | 0:53:05 | 0:53:07 | |
Sorry. | 0:53:07 | 0:53:09 | |
CHEERING | 0:53:09 | 0:53:11 | |
WHISTLING | 0:53:11 | 0:53:13 | |
Well done! | 0:53:23 | 0:53:25 | |
Yeah! | 0:53:25 | 0:53:26 | |
Aw! So sweet, old people! | 0:53:28 | 0:53:31 | |
Yay! | 0:53:31 | 0:53:33 | |
-Whoo! -Don't! | 0:53:33 | 0:53:35 | |
Gillian said you're worried you're making a mistake being here, | 0:53:35 | 0:53:38 | |
with the school. | 0:53:38 | 0:53:40 | |
You haven't. You're going to make a massive difference. | 0:53:40 | 0:53:44 | |
You are going to be brilliant. | 0:53:44 | 0:53:47 | |
CHILDREN CHATTER | 0:54:18 | 0:54:21 | |
Good morning. | 0:54:32 | 0:54:34 | |
-Morning. -Good morning. How are you? | 0:54:39 | 0:54:42 | |
Morning. | 0:54:47 | 0:54:49 | |
-BELL RINGS -Good morning. | 0:54:56 | 0:54:58 | |
-Morning! -Good morning! | 0:54:58 | 0:54:59 | |
Good morning! Has everyone had a good holiday? | 0:55:07 | 0:55:10 | |
Well rested? Delighted to be back, all raring to go? | 0:55:10 | 0:55:14 | |
-Do you want a doughnut? -Maybe later. Who's done this? | 0:55:15 | 0:55:18 | |
-Maintenance. -Can you ask maintenance to come back with a spirit level? | 0:55:18 | 0:55:22 | |
-He won't like that. -Shall we risk it? | 0:55:22 | 0:55:25 | |
Who do you fancy next? King Lear? | 0:55:27 | 0:55:31 | |
-No! -Eh, I could do Lady Bracknell. | 0:55:31 | 0:55:34 | |
Properly this time. | 0:55:34 | 0:55:36 | |
"A handbag!" | 0:55:36 | 0:55:37 | |
Is she in King Lear? | 0:55:37 | 0:55:39 | |
Yeah, she's one of the Ugly Sisters. | 0:55:39 | 0:55:41 | |
Oh! Very good. | 0:55:41 | 0:55:43 | |
Her and Gonorrhoea. | 0:55:43 | 0:55:45 | |
No wonder he didn't like 'em, wi' names like that! | 0:55:45 | 0:55:48 | |
SHE CHUCKLES | 0:55:48 | 0:55:49 | |
-Well, he chose 'em, presumably. -Aye! | 0:55:49 | 0:55:52 | |
Him and Mrs Lear. | 0:55:52 | 0:55:55 | |
He'd be hard work, wouldn't he? Miserable old sod. | 0:55:55 | 0:55:58 | |
No wonder they were buggers to him. What about a musical? | 0:55:58 | 0:56:01 | |
A musical King Lear? | 0:56:01 | 0:56:04 | |
No! That would be dozy. | 0:56:04 | 0:56:06 | |
Come on, what's a really good play | 0:56:06 | 0:56:08 | |
for two mature individuals such as ourselves? | 0:56:08 | 0:56:11 | |
I don't know! I don't know owt about drama. | 0:56:11 | 0:56:14 | |
I don't know how we've gotten ourselves into this fine mess | 0:56:14 | 0:56:18 | |
-in the first place. -I think we must turn to the Bard. | 0:56:18 | 0:56:21 | |
-Must we? -Mm, whether we like it or not. | 0:56:21 | 0:56:25 | |
-Antony And Cleopatra! -Really? Which one are you going to play? | 0:56:27 | 0:56:31 | |
"I'll spurn thine eyes, like balls before me." | 0:56:31 | 0:56:34 | |
Oh! OK. Good luck with that one. | 0:56:34 | 0:56:37 | |
No! Where's your joie de vivre? | 0:56:37 | 0:56:41 | |
Well, I suppose you were the Queen of Sheba when we got wed. | 0:56:41 | 0:56:45 | |
-You might as well be Cleopatra as well. -Yeah. | 0:56:45 | 0:56:49 | |
And you're going to be my Mark Antony, Alan Buttershaw. | 0:56:50 | 0:56:55 | |
-You think? -Mm, yeah. | 0:56:55 | 0:56:57 | |
Your legs can bestride the ocean. | 0:56:57 | 0:57:00 | |
HE CHORTLES | 0:57:00 | 0:57:01 | |
And I don't want to hear any excuses about arthritis. | 0:57:01 | 0:57:05 |