Episode 2 Lilyhammer

This programme contains some violent scenes and contains strong language

I'm going to give you the cock-sucker.

But I've got some demands. I'm thinking Lilyhammer.

Here's the file to your new identity.

-From now on you're Giovanni Henriksen.

-To new beginnings.

To new beginnings.

Six months' daily course,

for immigrants that struggle to adapt into Norwegian society.

-Is this blackmail?

-Definitely. And this is going to be my teacher.

If you get into any, and I mean any, trouble with the police,

you are on your own.

GUNSHOT

Hypothetically, you know,

if a man likes a Norwegian woman he met on a train

and he keeps running into her now and then, where would they go from there?

VEHICLE APPROACHES

YUSUF SPEAKS ARABIC

YUSUF SPEAKS ARABIC AGAIN

TOILET FLUSHES

-Hey, towel-head.

-What?

Listen, you might wrap your women up like mummies back in Taliban country,

but here we treat our broads with respect.

Comprende?

Get your hands off me!

You're not listening.

Next chance you get, you're going to shake that teacher's hand

and shut the fuck up about it. You got it?

Don't make me get emotional about this little misunderstanding.

Good.

Now get out.

Hello.

Take my hand, please.

Ain't you done yet?

How much?

That ain't going to happen.

How about 50?

Have we got a deal or not?

-OK, fuck it, then.

-50 is great.

-Yeah?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah. 50.

-OK.

I want to tell you a story about a hero of mine,

a gentleman named Benjamin Siegel.

Don't call him Bugsy!

One day, he decided to build the world's greatest club

in the middle of the desert.

Everybody laughed.

But today that place is called Las Vegas.

Hear, hear.

We have the same opportunity,

and when we're done,

people are going to forget the Olympics were ever here.

What's that?

Er, it's er...union stuff.

Are there any non-union-related questions?

It's against the law.

I'm glad you brought that up.

You're fired.

Get the fuck out!

Get out.

Anybody else want to join the union?

-Those were the best-looking waitresses you could find?

-Yep.

Half of those broads were on the wrong side of menopause.

Sorry, boss, men Arbeidskontoret ain't exactly a model agency, you know?

Listen. You represent me now. Huh?

You've got to let that caged lion of creativity inside you run free.

OK?

What, now?

All right.

What now? What now?

Officer, what can we do for you?

Gig?

What was the name of the act again?

What's that? Elvis doing Judy Garland songs?

Gay Elvis?

Well, listen.

I am sure you are terrific, OK?

But, er, I didn't know anything about it.

We already booked a band for opening night.

So, er...

It's OK. We'll fit you in to the future, that's all.

-OK, well, you'll call me?

-Absolutely.

-OK, fine, thank you.

-You got it.

Gay Elvis! What's next, a straight Liberace?

Recruiting for a new workshop at the cabin, I see?

Just kidding.

I'm here for a favour, actually.

We need some pretty bartenders,

you know, down at the Flamingo.

I thought, "Let's go see my pal Jan,

"because who knows better than him

"those that are both unemployed and good looking?"

Ha.

Jan, let's not make this more complicated than it has to be.

'...tortured Mr Haddad.

'Abraham Haddad targeted a bus carrying 45 people,

'ten of which were children...'

HE MUTTERS

YUSUF SPEAKS ARABIC

YUSUF SPEAKS ARABIC

YUSUF SPEAKS ARABIC

YUSUF SPEAKS ARABIC

SOFT MUSIC PLAYS

SHOUTING FROM SHOP

YUSUF SPEAKS ARABIC

SOFT MUSIC PLAYS

TATTOOIST'S NEEDLE BUZZES

OK.

WHISPERING

Hello.

I didn't know you Norskies were so good at waste management.

..do-it-yourself package.

Yeah, well, I just hope this shit is safe

cos it looks like the fucking Beverly Hillbillies over here.

This might be the worst fucking winter sports show, like, ever...

Al-Qaeda On Ice.

-Sure you are not up for it?

-Absolutely sure.

THEY CHEER

Wow!

Spectacular!

You look like Nancy Kerrigan before she got whacked.

Oh, yeah, sure.

I'll bring Lawrence of Arabia.

He doesn't seem too busy at the moment.

OK.

CAMERA CLICKS

SHE SCREAMS

Shit. You OK?

What is it? Your leg?

SHE CRIES OUT IN PAIN

Easy. Easy.

No Band-Aid's going to fix this.

Excuse me, there's nobody here.

Hello, her leg?

OK, enough!

Go fuck yourself!

Hey, we need a little help here.

Lunch?

Guess what, you Harry Potter fuck?

Lunch is over.

SCUFFLING

The doctor will see you now.

I'll take care of it.

BELL RINGS

CHILD SHOUTS

Hey, big guy. You all right?

Hi. You must be Sigrid's friend. I got her message.

Yeah. So what about those punks?

-Are they going to be punished for this, or what?

-Oh, no.

No, we believe that dialogue is a much more effective weapon

against this kind of anti-social behaviour.

Interesting theory.

Let's go.

Look... Your teacher...

All this talk - snakk,

it's no good.

It's not going to get you any respect.

Here's what you've got to do.

Next time you see that kid,

the leader there, the one with the yellow jacket...

Finn?

Finn.

You go up to this Finn, right?

And...you know, you don't say nothing.

But you've got a mitten

and you fill it with rocks - stein.

And you smack him, just like that, right on the nose.

Problem solved.

Cheers.

You got a great kid there.

You know, when that thing heals,

I'd like to take you dancing.

Sounds nice.

Slow dancing, of course.

Yeah, of course.

SHE GIGGLES

Well...

I guess I should be going.

Ja.

You sure you'll be OK?

Thank you for the help today.

Oh, ow!

-Come on.

-Ow!

Don't be so brave, eh?

Put your arm around my shoulder, come on.

-That's it.

-Ow!

Easy.

Easy does it.

You OK?

Easy.

You going to be all right, now?

OK.

Ja?

I guess this is...

-good night.

-Ja.

Nice to meet you.

PHONE RINGS

Fuck, I am hot!

Fuck.

KNOCK AT DOOR

I am coming, bitches.

Shh.

HE SPITS

KNOCK AT DOOR

MUFFLED CRIES

HISS OF PEPPER SPRAY

KNOCKING ON DOOR

PHONE RINGS

Yeah?

-Oh, fuck!

-'Every fucking thing.'

OK. All right.

I'm on my way.

Hi.

I'm sorry.

Go back to sleep.

I've got a little crisis at the club.

Listen, I had a great time last night, teacher.

-See you later.

-OK.

-All right?

-OK.

OK.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Hmm?

KNOCK AT DOOR

OK.

Any idea where we can find these fuckers?

Let's go take care of a little business, eh?

Is that him?

Don't worry.

I think he'll come to us.

ENGINE REVS

TYRES SCREECH

Looks like your bike has a little fucking problem.

How about we give you a ride?

You're taking us to where your pals have my goods,

do you understand?

All right, all right, all right...

This guy obviously needs a little extra motivation.

Take him. Come on.

He's heavy!

Hey! Hey! Hey!

You see that?

Let's go.

You're sure you don't want to talk?

HE SCREAMS

HE COUGHS AND MOANS

I think we should provide him with

the opportunity to...you know,

improve his score in a second run.

Yes. I agree.

Sorry, Roy!

Take it easy.

Time for a sit-down with you gentlemen.

I'm just a simple club owner,

trying to keep his patrons' glasses filled.

If you think you can beat up one of my guys...

How do you say...?

Going unpunished.

Please, you can speak Norwegian.

I'm a dedicated student to your culture.

You started it.

You beat up one of my guys, I beat up one of yours.

You take a finger, I'm going to take an arm.

In the end...

nobody wins.

Enough with the drama, eh?

I got screwed too.

I didn't know it was stolen.

I've got a suggestion.

You give me the booze,

I'll collect the money from the guy who sold it.

I've been reading the papers.

You've got a little problem with the local cops, huh?

Money laundering?

So, I can get rid of a couple of pots of coffee every day.

Fabricating band fees.

Gabeesh?

Could mean another 100,000 krone a month.

Minus an...

administrative fee.

LAUGHTER

We good to go, baby?

Yes.

Whoa! What a jacket.

Yeah, baby. What do you think?

PHONE RINGS

I've got to take this.

Hey, Teach! Something wrong with my homework?

..for the flowers and the invitation tonight.

But...?

I have to go to Jonas' school for a meeting.

What's wrong?

Nei, I don't understand. He knocked out two teeth...

You don't say.

'I don't understand why he has suddenly started to do such things.'

Well, you know, boys will be boys.

We can go out some other night.

It's all right. Bye-bye.

Huh?

Wow!

Get out there and kill 'em.

Get out there, girls.

RAUCOUS MUSIC PLAYS

# Come on, everybody

# Clap your hands... #

Fantastic bar.

Thank you. Thank you.

Coming right up!

Ditto.

Arnie?

I brought Travis Bickle here for a reason.

He's got something to give you.

Let's just say he's found the spiritual wisdom in his heart

to admit when he's wrong.

And it's hard to drive a cab with ten broken fingers...

Until his debt's fully paid,

he's agreed to give all your guys free transportation.

He's trying to do the right thing.

Cheers.

Man, oh, man!

What's the score?

Fuck, boss!

Join me for a drink before we call it a night, eh?

Well, something's cooking down there. It smells terrible.

Yeah, baby!

-Vegas is coming to Norway!

-That's right, baby.

HISSING

EXPLOSION What the fuck was that?!

SIRENS BLARE

Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's all this?

I didn't call anybody.

Everything's under control, fellas.

Just a little mishap with the gas tank. Nothing serious.

Nothing serious?!

I'm sorry you guys had to bring out all this shit for no reason, OK?

Here's a little something, all right?

Get yourself a new hose.

Excuse me, Officer,

but wouldn't you need a warrant for that?

Subtitles for the deaf and hard-of-hearing by Red Bee Media Ltd