Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Pan Am

I get to see the world, Sam,

-when was the last time you left the village?

-I don't need to see the world to change it.

-Marry me.

-I can't say yes now.

A Pan Am stewardess can travel all around the world without suspicion.

They won't let you out.

Are you going my way?

Sometimes, the stars align.

-You're different from other girls.

-Thank you.

'And democracy is not perfect.'

KNOCKING ON DOOR

You're casting a shadow, Kate.

Did you miss the signal?

Stood me up in the park.

-I didn't miss it.

-Are you going to invite me in?

We had our exit interview.

It doesn't work that way, Kate. It's like a marriage,

saying yes is the easy part.

Now would be a good time to invite me in.

-DOOR OPENS, THEN CLOSES

-Nosy neighbours.

I have a job for you.

No, no more jobs,

no more mysterious packages, no more betrayals.

-I'm going to London.

-Just hear me out, Kate.

And if I don't, what?

This time, I get dragged away by the men in trenchcoats?

There's a dealer in London who has got hold of a list of names,

CIA assets.

He's selling that list to the Soviets.

I told you, no.

All you need to do is deliver this to your contact in London.

Inside is a counterfeit list.

Anderson will take care of the rest.

Anderson, and what if I refuse?

I want to make this plain for you, Kate,

your exit from the agency can go a few different ways.

A simple matter of a little paperwork and a handshake,

or we can make this your last mission and your last flight.

You would really cost me my job at Pan Am?

I'll do whatever I have to do to get this done.

Just like you did with Bridget?

# My baby calls me honey... #

Oh, thank you.

# ..My baby calls me honey

# Yes, my baby calls me honey... #

KNOCKING AT THE DOOR

-Sam?

-Hey, Mags, sorry I'm late.

Late for what?

Hitting the wild blue yonder, crossing the pond, chip, chip, cheerio

and all that rot.

Sam, what are you doing here? I'm leaving for London in two hours.

I know, I'm going with you, remember?

Oh, hi, Sam.

Laura, good look! Do you think you can sneak me into first class?

Sam...

-Do not do this to me, Maggie, you promised you'd get me to London.

-What's in London?

The World Atomic Symposium, the biggest gathering of death merchants on the planet.

Ban The Bomb UK is going to crash their little war fest

and I've got a spot on the front lines.

How long have you...

How long have you been part of the Ban The Bomb movement?

Since saving mankind from extinction became a moral imperative.

-I think that is very noble, what could be more important than saving the world?

-How about saving my job?

There won't be any job left when the world winds up in a pile of radioactive ash.

Come on, Maggie. You owe me.

# ..Stay away, way-ay-ay. #

Dean?

You better get a move on, we're flying in two hours.

Is this how it works, you kiss a girl once and you become her chauffeur?

Actually, it was you who kissed me.

Then maybe I should drive you, which would give you a chance to put on your uniform.

I said we're flying...

not flying Pan Am.

You said you wanted to learn.

-With these?

-Yeah, it's a Stearman-PT17 crop-duster, same plane I learned to fly in.

A crop-duster?

You are getting your wings today.

'Attention all passengers, flight 707...'

Who's in first class today?

Earl of Halifax, two movie stars and a United States congressman.

A congressman, who?

Oh, Christopher Rawlings, I hear he's very handsome.

-I'm not worried about how he looks.

-You mean Sam?

-No, the Earl.

-I'm sure he'll be on his best behaviour.

-Then you don't know Sam.

Listen you've got to help me keep an eye on him.

If anyone finds out about this...

Finds out about what?

A VIP on our London flight. Congressman Rawlings.

Oh, great man, met him at a fundraiser last year.

-Let me guess, Fat Cats For Progress?

-Hysterical(!)

Let's just make sure the congressman gets the VIP treatment today, OK?

-Emphasis on the V.

-Aye, aye, Captain.

Oh, no, you're not our captain.

-Where is Dean?

-Called in sick.

Oh, there must be something going around, Colette's sick too.

-Who's Dean's replacement?

-Captain Thornton.

-Denis Thornton?

-Do you know him?

Captain on my very first round-the-world,

two weeks of war stories and wandering hands.

Steer clear.

-Ladies.

-Captain.

I'm sorry, but your hat is where?

Oh, the hat pin broke, I was just trying to fix it.

I don't care about your excuses, Miss...?

Cameron, Laura Cameron.

Next time I see you out of uniform, you'll be written up.

-He always does that, don't let it get to you.

-How? That man is awful.

Tell me about it, six hours of World War II stories to look forward to.

Remind me to kill Dean next time I see him.

You're jeopardising the life of

-every living being on this planet.

-Oh.

It's murder on a worldwide scale.

When are you people going to realise that nuclear weapons

are nothing but a death sentence for the human race?

-Sir, you need to calm down.

-You need to get your hands off me, fly boy.

Sorry about this, Congressman, we're going to take care of this right away.

It's OK, Captain, let him talk. It's a free country.

Actually, I'm the first officer.

Ted Vanderway, we met at a mid-town fundraiser.

Of course, good to see you again.

Are you president of his fan club?

-Sir, you need to take your seat.

-Hey, Maggie, get this guy off me.

What, you know this guy?

Stay here, don't move, don't talk, and if possible, don't even breathe.

-Mags, come on, do you know who that was?

-You're talking and breathing.

-Christopher Rawlings. Congressmen warmonger himself.

-So?

So, he's probably on his way to the symposium, this is our big chance.

Your chance to be the nice,

respectful passenger you promised to be.

-But I...

-No buts. For once in your life, Sam, just try to fit in.

You mean like you?

I am my principles, Maggie.

I can't separate that from who I am.

Yep, that was my 44th mission in my P38 Lightning.

That little gem of a plane was practically a part of me,

they don't make them like that any more.

All this clutter, no manoeuvrability.

Anyway, the Frogs are hunkered down outside of Bayeux

and only the Jerries are on the road.

So if something moves, we're supposed to just light it up.

-Coffee, gentlemen?

-Oh, bless you.

I'll let you know when coffee is served. Dismissed.

Scoot, missy, that'll be all.

Ha-ha-ha! So anyway, I spotted this convoy of Jerry trucks

and I'm thinking to myself, "Hey, this is my lucky day.

"I'm going to take them all out."

I can't believe we're hooking.

We're not hooking, we're playing hooky.

What you just said means something else entirely.

What did I say?

It involves charging by the hour.

Oh, no.

The apples are beautiful.

They are. McIntosh, my mum's favourite. I'll bring her a dozen.

-Your mother?

-Yeah.

-I thought we were going flying?

We are. ..There you go. Thank you.

The crop-duster belongs to my father. He keeps it behind the barn.

-I'm going to meet your parents?

-Yes, it's no big deal.

We always have people stopping by, friends, neighbours,

my high school baseball team practically lived there.

-Oh, Dean, I'm not sure. Isn't this a little different?

-It'll be fun.

We'll have lunch, exchange pleasantries, and then we'll fly.

Congressman Rawlings, I am so sorry about what happened with that man.

It's OK, everyone's entitled to an opinion, even if it's completely wrong.

Well, please allow me to offer you a free drink, courtesy of Pan Am.

I thought they were already free?

-But this one is coming from me.

-Wish I could,

but it will put me right to sleep. Big speech tomorrow.

The World Atomics Symposium?

You've heard of it?

You'd be surprised at the things I've heard of.

Oh, I don't doubt that.

I bet you've got a few surprises under that cute blue hat.

CALL SIGNAL BEEPS

I'll get it.

This is Laura...

Right away, Captain.

Captain Bligh wants his coffee.

Do you want me to bring it?

No, thank you. I can do it.

-You wanted coffee, Captain?

-Oh, thank you, Laurie.

It's Laura, sir.

Would you do me a favour, honey?

This damned air speed gauge is fogged up,

would you mind cleaning it for me?

Of course not.

Oh, God, what the hell?!

I am so sorry, it must be the turbulence.

You get her off of my flight deck right now, Vanderway.

What an idiot!

Laura, why are you hiding back here? We're ready to go.

-Me? I'm not hiding.

-Miss Cameron!

Miss Cameron!

You think you're pretty clever with that little coffee stunt, huh?

No, sir, I didn't...

I hope the London base manager appreciates your sense of humour,

because I'm filing paperwork for disciplinary action.

Captain, I'm sorry if I...

Oh, you'll be sorry all right.

-Captain, can I speak to you for a moment?

-Not now.

Actually, sir, it has to be right now.

Please tell me it was piping hot?

-Oh, you're my hero!

-Shh!

What is Teddy doing?

Probably making it worse.

What happened, what did you say to him?

Oh, I told him he could take that paperwork

-and shove it right up his cargo hold.

-You didn't?

-No, but it's taken care of.

Ted, thank you.

No, thank you, after that little trick you pulled,

that blowhard didn't say a word for the last 1,000 miles.

I really owe you.

That's good to hear, because I'm ready to collect.

Oh, please, I'm not a total cad all the time.

Then, what is it?

It's not a what, it's a who, Amanda Hartford-Mason.

-YOU want my help with a girl?

-Mm-hm.

# There are girls

# Just ripe for some kissing

# And I mean to kiss me a few... #

Let's move a little faster, ladies, this place is crawling with lobby lizards.

I've never seen so many in one place.

It's the uniform, it turns grown men to mush.

It seems to cause memory problems too.

They all forget they're married.

Laura grab my key for me, I need to make a call.

Pardon me, do you happen to have a cigarette?

I seem to have left mine in my other jacket.

Yes, of course.

Very good, thank you.

OK, I've done my job.

Hold on, Kate.

What? I just said I'd give you the case and I'm through. I'm through.

Hardly, the mission's changed.

You're just getting started.

There's been a hitch, Kate.

I did what I was asked. Whatever the hitch is, it's not my problem.

You don't understand. This is an urgent situation.

The list was to be delivered to the Soviets three days from now.

Instead, they're coming for it tonight.

I've had to improvise, I need you to be my decoy.

A decoy for what?

A certain jeweller, Cyrus Bulger.

In his possession is the actual list,

not this fake you've supplied us.

Our people are going to break into his safe and switch the two.

How exactly do you suppose I decoy this Mr Bulger?

Simply by being yourself, a Pan Am stewardess.

I, however, will be Mr Caldwell, down from Liverpool,

here to close a business deal

and get very acquainted with my favourite stewardess.

Well, at least I'm your favourite.

Caldwell likes to buy expensive baubles for his paramour,

that's our entree to the jeweller.

I told you, I'm not interested.

Understood, but you may be familiar with some of the names on that list.

Do I have your interest now?

Who's on that list?

Bridget Pierce.

Among others.

And Niko Lonza?

He's at the top.

Let me walk you through the mission.

This is it.

Don't worry, you look great.

Nobody looks great after 100 miles in a convertible.

They are going to love you.

I just wasn't expecting to...

Hey, I didn't tell you because I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. OK?

Dean! Bill, it's Dean!

Hiya, Mom.

Aah... Bill, they're here!

I can see them, Marjorie, I've got eyes.

And this must be Bridget?

No, Ma and Pop, this is Colette.

Oh, dear, Colette. Well...

Mr and Mrs Lowrey, it's a pleasure to meet you both.

-You're French?

-Oui.

-Colette and I work together,

-she's a Pan Am stewardess.

-Oh.

-Oh, so what happened to Bridget?

-Well, come on in, you two, let's have some lunch.

-Yes.

Ah, Amanda Mason was the bane of my adolescence.

This girl was a cross between Grace Kelly and an ice cube.

-She wouldn't give you the time of day?

-She wouldn't give me the month, wouldn't give me the year,

for that matter.

Anyway, our parents are best friends, weekends in East Hampton

and all that and Amanda

went out of her way to make my life absolutely miserable.

-She was mean to you?

-Worse, she ignored me.

-And you're going out with this girl, why?

-Sneak attack from the parents.

"Oh, Edward, you're going to be in London at the same time, blah, blah.

"Oh, what a wonderful coincidence."

Your parents call you Edward?

When they are trying to ruin my life, which is always.

-0K, what do you want me to do?

-I want you to be my girlfriend.

I made a reservation at 7:30 at the hotel.

At eight o'clock, you come to our table steaming mad at me,

which shouldn't be much of a stretch for you.

But you've got to come at me with both barrels.

Hey, you can wear that little black number, the one that shows off...

OK, Ted, I agreed to this favour reluctantly, you can't tell me what to wear.

-Fair enough.

-You could just tell your parents no.

Way too complicated.

Having me pretend to be your deranged girlfriend makes sense?

Yeah. Glad you see it my way.

Sam, what are you doing here?

I thought you'd be filling Molotov cocktails by now.

The only cocktail I'm filling, emptying, is right here.

-What happened to Ban The Bomb UK?

-Arrested, locked up,

-thrown in the pokey.

-Oh, Sam, I'm so sorry.

It's a good thing you weren't with them.

How can you say that? I should have been with them.

-You want to get arrested?

-If that's what was necessary.

You can't effect change without personal sacrifice.

How is going to jail the answer?

You talk about seeing the world to change it, Maggie,

-but you're just another tourist.

-I am not.

You meet important people in your job,

when was the last time you talked to them? Really talked to them?

I talk to people all the time.

Sure, to take a lunch order.

You have a captive audience at 35,000 feet

and you won't take advantage of it.

You could make a difference, but you don't.

Paris must be the most beautiful city in the world,

what was it like growing up there?

-Actually, Mom, she's from the countryside, so not so different from here.

-Oh.

And how long have you two been flying together?

Well, we've been on the same crew for a few months.

Yeah, she speaks four different languages and she makes this,

it's a tar-tar-tain.

Tarte tatin.

It's French.

It tastes exactly like your apple cobbler, so good.

Hold on here. I don't want to point out the elephant in the room, but I have to ask.

What the hell happened to Bridget?

-Bill.

-Dad.

Nothing personal, Colette, but the last time my son was here,

he told us he was getting engaged to a girl named Bridget.

-Hey, Dad, can we talk about this later?

-It's always later with you.

You didn't call us when you left the air force, you didn't tell us

when you took the Pan Am job, and now you're jetting around God knows where,

how are we supposed to know what's going on with you?

I'm here now, isn't that good enough?

On what occasion, are you two getting engaged?

Bill, please!

Are you expecting?

-Dad.

-Bill, as I live and breathe!

-I'm sorry, would you excuse me?

-Oh...

What are you thinking?

Colette, listen.

You've got to understand about my parents.

Take me home, Dean.

Come on, I thought you wanted to learn how to fly?

I think I've learned enough for one day.

Sorry, you know, I never really expected today to go like this.

How did you think it would go?

-You would pretend I was Bridget until your parents figured it out?

-No, I figured they'd meet you

and they'd think you're fantastic, like I do.

And the embarrassment of breaking up with your fiancee would be ignored?

OK, I messed up, I'm sorry.

-Can we start over?

-No, it's not that simple.

Look, I realise how awkward that was back there,

but you've got to understand that that has nothing to do with us.

Us? I don't think there is an us, Dean.

-You're still in love with Bridget.

-No.

-Yes.

-No.

That's why you didn't tell your parents. You still imagine she'll show up one day

like nothing happened, like she never left you.

And you're so sure that every guy that you fall for is going to up and leave you for another woman.

I'm not going to let myself get hurt again.

So then why would you kiss me in Miami?

Honestly, I don't know.

-Just take me home.

-No.

-Please.

-No.

Take me home. Why not?

Because you are asking the wrong damn question.

You want to know why I never told my parents that I broke up with Bridget?

Well, for the same reason that I never brought her up here to meet them.

There was just something about her that wasn't real.

But after two weeks, I brought you.

So I'm real?

Yes.

This is real.

Dean.

They are beautiful.

Just last week, the Duchess of Argyll was admiring the very same pieces.

The Duchess? See, I do have good taste.

Well, might be a little excessive though.

Darling, after all I do for you. Aren't I worth it?

I suppose they do go with your eyes.

-Can I try the diamond chips again?

-Of course, madam.

There we are.

Oh, it's perfect.

Of course, it will have to be sized for me.

-We can do that for you, it will be ready tomorrow morning.

-Oh, no.

I'm a stewardess with Pan Am and our flight leaves early tomorrow.

Perhaps you could bring it by our hotel later this evening?

-Say eight o'clock.

-If it wouldn't be too much of an imposition?

Of course not.

Oh!

You're so good to me.

Wow! Laura, you look...

Wait, you can't meet the ice princess with your tie all cock-eyed.

Thanks.

Now don't forget, eight o'clock, you come marching in

and you make a scene, give me full-on Liz Taylor.

Cleopatra or Butterfield Eight?

Whatever's crazier.

I could throw drink on you, pretty good at that.

I don't know why I'm so nervous about this.

I'm a Pan Am pilot, for God's sake.

If I can make 200,000lbs of metal fly,

I can handle a half hour of misery, right?

For the record,

you're not just a pilot,

you're a decent man,

and she is going to regret the day she ever let you get away.

You should go.

Congressman Rawlings. I'm Maggie Ryan, your Pan Am stewardess.

-Of course, how could I forget?

-Well, I wanted to apologise again

for the trouble on the flight.

-That's not necessary, Miss Ryan.

-Maggie.

Maggie. It comes with the territory,

you can't have a circus without a clown or two.

Congressman, if you don't mind my saying so,

your position on nuclear weapons is wrongheaded.

We need a testing ban.

That's an awfully simplistic view of things.

So you are saying that 11 of our greatest atomic scientists,

including Einstein, are simplistic?

Einstein didn't have to man a sentry post in Korea and stare down the Chinese army.

And you did?

Yes.

Look, I support regulation, but banning nuclear weapons testing is just plain naive.

I bet I can change your mind.

-No, you can't, but I will give you three flights of stairs to try.

-OK. Every...

-Take the Cuban missile crisis.

-Take it where?

The perfect example of the need for better dialogue between the superpowers.

-Dialogue, have you met Kruschev?

-No.

Arrogant, lots of ear hair.

Right, of course, you know Kruschev.

Well, my point was, is...

You realise you are in my room?

Well, that's because I haven't finished yet.

-What's this?

-Cognac, VSOP.

I know what it is, I'm not here for a nightcap.

Indulge me.

You're not going to make your argument with this.

And you're not going to make yours without it.

Enough of my job, tell me about travelling the world.

You must've seen some pretty exotic places?

-Sure, Potsdam, Yalta, Hiroshima.

-HE SNORTS

-What was that?

-What?

-You snorted.

-No, I didn't.

That was definitely a snort.

A chortle, maybe a chuckle.

You're not taking me seriously, are you?

You've made it this far and I haven't called security.

Teddy? Teddy. It's been...

Years.

..forever.

Look at you,

you've got shoulders.

Oh, yeah, well, once I learned scrawny was no longer in style...

So good to see you, Teddy, you always were so funny.

-Oh, yeah, now I'm funny with shoulders, apparently.

-Yeah!

Yeah.

Um... Please.

We've been over this, I know what to do.

Half an hour, that's all I need to switch the lists.

This is it for me, I do this and I'm out?

Yes, you are out.

There he is, right on time, he's on his way up to you.

-Kate.

-What?

-Stick to the mission.

-I know how to be a stewardess.

I mean about us, our story.

Don't worry, Spencer, I'll be fine.

Spencer?

I gave you a first name.

'Hello.'

Be careful, Kate.

KNOCK AT THE DOOR He's here, go.

Good evening, I have the bracelet.

Come in, it's so kind of you to bring it here.

Diamonds are expensive, but service is priceless.

I can't wait to try it on.

The sizing was a little more difficult than I thought,

but I think you will like it.

Very nice accommodations for a stewardess.

Yes, I don't usually have a room this big,

but Mr Caldwell, he insists on the best.

And you deserve it, right?

Where is your Mr Caldwell?

-Oh, he called, he's running late.

-Oh.

Don't worry, he's coming with the cheque book.

Yes, well, I don't have much time myself. Let me show you.

Kennedy said the test ban treaty was only a first step.

-A first step to surrender.

-You're a cynic. Lighter?

If anyone's a cynic, it's Kennedy. Placating the left for '64.

Well, at least JFK has the right idea.

And that is?

Relaxation of tensions.

Mutual disarmament.

A truce.

What did you think of the flight?

Take off was good,

but the landing was better.

You were right, you know.

About what?

Back there on the ground in Haiti.

I thought it was coming apart at the seams.

You were wonderful.

I didn't think we were going to make it out of there.

But we did.

Well, you were right about rescuing the girl.

I never would have forgiven myself.

You don't need to say this.

You saved us.

But you saved me.

Does this mean I earned my wings?

Not yet.

# Fly me to the moon

# And let me dream among the stars... #

-Do you remember that summer?

-Oh.

Bog island and your dad's crazy clambake.

Oh, you used to wear that flowery headband.

Yeah, how do you remember that?

Wow, you were right about the lobster.

I think I have order envy.

We can share.

No, I'll suffer through my bad decision.

If I can make it through that clambake, I can survive this.

Well, if you do, I think you might deserve a reward.

Yeah, what kind of reward?

The kind that comes wrapped in a flowery headband.

Really?

# ..Please be true

# In other words

# I love you... #

Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in.

-Captain Thornton.

-Oh, Denis, OK?

So, you and Vanderway, huh?

Me and Vanderway, what?

Oh... He told me all about you two.

Oh, he did?

I'd say you're pretty lucky,

not every fellow talks that way about their girl.

Really, what did he say?

That you were wonderful,

smart, funny, kind-hearted.

He said that you were the best thing that's ever happened to him,

and he didn't want to see you get into trouble.

Ted said all that about me?

Yeah, like I said,

lucky girl.

# ..Darling, won't you kiss me?

# In other words, I love you. #

Oh, cookies!

You know, my flight back isn't for a few days,

there's a lot we could do between now and then.

Yeah, if I didn't have a date with a bunch of stuffy nuclear scientists.

I'd love to see you in action.

Haven't you already?

Oh, come on, I want to see your speech.

-No, no, you don't want to do that.

-Oh, sure I do, where is it?

Maggie, wait.

Chris, you can't say all this.

I told you you weren't going to like it.

-You don't honestly believe all this?

-You're damn right, I do.

-Come on, give me the speech.

-It's practically fascism!

Mussolini was a childhood hero.

Give me the, give me the... What are you doing?

Saving you from yourself.

Maggie, come on, Maggie, open the door,

open the door.

'Almost there.'

Is that smoke? Maggie, that speech is government property.

Not any more.

This is the right thing to do, Chris, believe me.

In a couple of years, you will thank me for it.

Yeah, well, I don't need those pages. I have a photographic memory,

it's all up here.

Oh, my God!

Yeah, I know, it's a real gift.

My God!

Oh, it's lovely. FIRE ALARM RINGS

We'll have to go back to the shop

and have Mr Caldwell meet us there to pay for the bracelet.

The shop? No, wait, he's going to be here any minute.

You do hear the fire alarm, don't you?

It's probably a false alarm, it happens here all the time.

-Nevertheless, I'm going to need that bracelet back.

-Hold on.

-You can't expect me to leave it with you.

-It's my bracelet.

Not until it's been paid for.

Please, no, please, Mr Bulger, wait.

No.

No, please, Mr Bulger!

Mr Bulger, please wait!

Ted, I am so sorry.

-Laura.

-What happened to you downstairs?

-Nothing.

-I didn't even make it to the table, both of you were gone.

-What's going on?

-Um...

It's a fire alarm, I think. We should get downstairs.

Excuse me, pardon me.

Kate?

Maggie, Maggie, wait.

-Chris, can we just forget this ever happened?

-I can't do that.

-Why not?

You are, without a doubt, the most reckless, pigheaded, craziest person I have ever met.

-I'm sorry.

-Don't apologise, I kind of like it.

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