22/12/2015 River City

Every year I ask my mum about my dad.

But she won't tell me.

-Why you even here? It's no' Christmas or Father's Day.

-Mum.

-I need a base.

-No. Chrome belongs to Kelly-Marie.

And she belongs to you.

I won't let her into my life, our lives.

You think Billy's bad, he's nothing compared to his sister.

It's you who can't face a skint Christmas. Not them.

It's one day out the year when I want to be like everybody else.

-I want to spend Christmas with my family.

-I'm your family!

We're going to that hotel, do you understand me?

MUSIC: We All Stand Together

HE SINGS ALONG

# We all stand together. #

-You all right? I'm Harry, Annie's son?

-What can I do for you?

This arrived at the flat this morning.

My mum told me to give it to you.

She reckons it's one of those gift experience things.

Says she recognises the company.

I thought it would be best to give it to you,

in case it upsets Angus, so...

-Aye, cheers, mate.

-All right, I'll catch you later.

See you later, mate.

Hm.

Well, I've seen better Santas in my time.

How? He was all right.

He'd a dodgy beard and I swear I saw him taking a nip out a hip flask.

I thought I could smell booze. Who could blame him though?

You couldn't pay me enough to sit around there

with all those kids all day.

-What did you get? What did you get?

-Should she not wait till tomorrow?

She's got plenty to open tomorrow. On you go, pet.

Come on, rip it!

-Selection box.

-Yay. How many is that you've got now?

-Five.

-Ya dancer. Right, if we're quick, we can probably get into town

and catch Santa at St Enochs.

and Buchanan Galleries, if we're lucky.

-You're a riot.

-They're giving the stuff away.

-Are you coming?

-No, I need to get to my work.

-Bye.

-Bye, Auntie Ellie.

-See you later.

# Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer

# Had a very shiny nose

# And if you ever saw him... #

How's the packing going?

Feels dead weird packing a suitcase on Christmas Eve.

We'll have a great time, I promise.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Hiya.

-It's your mum.

-Hey.

Hi. Thought I'd drop these round and you can take them away with yous.

Thanks, Scarlett. Look. We'll put these under the tree at the cottage.

-What do you say to Granny?

-Thanks, Granny.

You're welcome, darling. I'm going to miss you tomorrow.

PHONE RINGS

I'd better get this.

I wish yous weren't going away. This is a time for family.

Well, we are a family. It's just for a week.

-Can I get you a wee drink?

-Aye, get me a wee shandy.

-Is everything OK?

-I just need to nip into town.

Won't be long. You have a nice Christmas when it comes.

You and all. Make sure you take care of this pair.

Always do.

I'll get you that drink.

I know you were born at Christmas...

And Stuart. And baby Jesus.

That's true...

But I don't think that Santa's going to be able to get you

a little brother tomorrow.

Why?

Well, because Santa makes toys, in the workshop. Not babies.

You can't have a baby for Christmas.

Is there anything else on your list...?

Just a baby brother.

That's great.

-What's a virgin?

-A what?!

A virgin is...

..a young lady that hasn't had a baby yet.

-Like Ellie?

-Aye, well...sort of.

All right? You just been to see Santa?

-Is Ellie a virgin?

-What?

We were just talking about presents and Madonna here

wants a little brother for Christmas

because her and Jesus were born on the same day.

Right.

And I'm trying to explain that Santa might not be able

to get her a little brother for tomorrow.

How not?

It's just not that simple.

How come?

Well, for a baby to be born the woman needs to be expecting one.

Sounds like Madonna's expecting a baby brother, but.

It takes a long time for a baby to grow.

Cos, you know, Kelly-Marie and Stella

have got a baby growing in their tummy just now.

How did they get there?

-I'll see you later.

-Just...

-No, you're on your own, mate.

I'm meeting Angus for a pint. Good luck, but.

Do you want to go and see if your mum's about?

-This better be good.

-Nice to see you too.

I'm not in the mood to play games, Mum. What do you want?

Your uncle's got a bit of business. He wants you to handle it.

-Whatever it is, it'll have to wait.

-This can't.

Me and Kel are taking Cal away tonight. You know this.

There's a delivery arriving tonight. He wants you to deal with it.

Delivery of what?

Drugs? No way.

Well, they're already en route.

He wants it to stay at the club

until the buyer collects it on Boxing Day.

Chrome is in Kelly-Marie's name. If we get busted...

Yeah, well, she'll take the fall.

-She can't be trusted, but she can be useful.

-She's my wife!

And I gave you life.

And my brother looked after you when no-one else would.

We will do this for him.

And if you want your wife to stay out of the jail,

you'll stay there and make sure things run smoothly.

What do I tell Kelly about our holiday?

You'll think of something.

Now, on you go.

I'll see you at the club later on.

ENGINE STARTS

So, next week, we'll look at crystallising organic compounds.

I'm afraid Walter White was wrong.

I wish my teachers made chemistry come alive.

It would save us going over the same stuff again and again.

Not everyone picks up things as quickly as you do.

Some people don't take their education seriously at all.

I wonder who she's talking about.

-So what you doing for Christmas, Jen?

-Nothing much.

Just spending it with family. You?

-Same. Yeah.

-Nice.

But, you know, maybe when I get back we could hang out?

Oh, I don't know. My dad's coming over for dinner.

Oh, well, he's got to leave sometime.

Harry!

I didn't mean it like that.

No, I know exactly what you meant.

Now, go on, you have to finish packing.

We're going to granny Jandhu's in an hour.

Ignore him.

-I got you these.

-Jenny.

It's just to say thanks and, well, Happy Christmas.

That's very sweet.

You know, you shouldn't be spending all your money on me.

-You've got plenty other people to buy for.

-No, it's fine.

It's Drew's turn to buy Mum's present this year,

so I've only got him and Ruby.

And my dad. But that's not the point.

I really appreciate you taking the time to tutor me, so...

-Well, thank you.

-You're welcome.

-Have a lovely day tomorrow.

-Yeah, you too.

-Merry Christmas.

-Thanks.

-Bye, Harry.

-Oh, bye, Jen. Merry Christmas.

-DOOR CLOSES

-What?

That was quick.

-What's wrong?

-Nothing.

-It's just...I can't get away tonight.

-What?

-I've got work.

Work where? At the club? It's closed.

I've got a little bit of business to take care of.

What kind of business?

-The kind I don't want you involved in.

-Alex...

Please, leave it! I don't want to make you an accessory.

-An accessory?

-I'm just being honest.

Now, can you drop it and do as I ask?

I don't want to spend Christmas Day on my own.

It's no big deal. I'll be with you in a day or so.

What? Are you serious?

All this was your idea in the first place.

So I'm not going without you.

Kel, can you just take Cal and go?

-Are we in some kind of danger?

-Course not.

What about my mum and Jimmy?

-It's nothing to do with them.

-I'll stay with them, then.

-Kel.

-You promised me things were going to change!

-And they will!

I want them to, I just need to do this. Please just trust me.

This was Cal's last Christmas before the baby.

-I just wanted everything to be normal.

-And it will be.

Aye, it will be and you will be there

and watch him open his Christmas presents

and you will come to Christmas dinner

and you'll put a smile on your face.

After that, you can do what the hell you like!

DOOR CLOSES

Where are the crackers from the cash and carry, Jimmy?

-It's in the cab.

-A fat lot of use they're doing in there!

I'll get them later. These lights, they're on the blink again.

I ask you to do one thing...

Hey, Ma, it's just us.

I thought you'd be gone already.

Last minute change of plan, I'm afraid.

Yep. Alex has to work.

I thought you were closed.

Well, we are, but we need to stock up for Boxing Day,

cos it's a busy time of year for us.

And two staff have phoned in sick, typical...

But the good news is you've got us for Christmas Day.

-That's if you'll have us?

-If we'll have you?!

If we'll have you?

That's the best news I've had all year! Come here you! Ah-ho-ho!

Listen, darling, we're going to have to phone Santa

and get him to bring all your presents here.

You don't have to work all day, do you? I mean, you can come and have your Christmas dinner?

PHONE RINGS He'll be here, won't you, Alex?

Of course I will.

I better go. I'll call you. See yous later.

All right, see you.

-Come on, we'll choose a wee mince pie for Santa.

-Yay!

I'll have one of your cinnamon lattes, please.

Missed you this morning in yoga.

You shouldn't give up after just one bad experience.

I'm not giving up. I'm hosting Christmas this year,

-so had to get the flat ready for the parentals.

-Oh, right.

-Well, that'll be nice.

-What about you? Any fun plans?

Um, just spend the day with some friends.

-Ooh. Singletons Christmas do, is it?

-Yeah, something like that.

Have a good one.

Ta. Oh, thanks, Bob.

All right?

-Listen, Gran.

-What?

I appreciate you offering to stay in and cook

for me and Angus tomorrow, but there's nae need.

Oh, and leave you two in charge? No danger.

And I can go over to Scarlett's in the evening.

All right, well, just don't go to too much trouble, eh?

Look, it's only a dinner for three. I'll manage.

Three? How come? You no' joining us, Liz?

Me? No, no, Eileen and I are going to Malcolm's care home

to have dinner with him.

-A pointless exercise, if you ask me.

-Gran!

Oh, don't worry, Bob. I'm used to it.

No, Malcolm is happier and safer there

and that's all that matters.

Right, well, I'll see yous later, eh?

-Oh, Bob, you couldn't do me a favour, could you?

-Sure.

I was going to ask Angus

how he went about letting out his father's house.

He let a bunch of scroungers invade the place. That's how.

-You thinking about renting out Malcolm's place?

-Yes.

You could ask my ma to put a notice in the window for you.

I mean, I can dae it if you want.

Oh, are you sure? That'd be very kind.

-I wouldn't be putting you out?

-No.

Oh, well, there's no time like the present.

Here, grab this pen, son, and me and you'll write the ad, eh?

It's no' like I've got anything else to dae, eh?

-You really should get some decent brandy.

-Sorry to keep you.

I just had to tell my wife and son that Christmas was cancelled.

-Oh, the joys of married life.

-Well, I won't be married for much longer

if you keep pulling stunts like this.

You need to learn to keep that girl in check.

Somebody like her should be grateful to have someone like you.

I've said I'll be back for dinner tomorrow.

-This better be sorted by then.

-Then you better get it right.

-When's this delivery due?

-Later on tonight.

-Brilliant.

Look, all you have to do is wait, give him this money

and then lock up after he's gone.

Now, can you manage that or do you want me to explain it again?

Oh, call your mother-in-law.

-Tell her you're bringing a plus one for Christmas dinner.

-You?

What could be more normal than dinner with the in-laws?

-It's the perfect alibi.

-Christmas with the Mullens? Really?

I promise I'll be on my best behaviour.

-You enjoy this more than the kids.

-Stockings are the best.

The one thing Mum got right was Christmas.

Shame all the presents were back by New Year's Day.

Every other day's a pure struggle.

-It's OK to want one day of magic.

-Fair enough.

This time next year, you and Bob'll be putting up your own tree.

We'd need to get our own place first. We don't want to rush things.

Maybe you should've thought about that with Gary, eh?

Talk about misreading the signs. SHE LAUGHS

Least he's left me for a good-looking guy.

THEY LAUGH Is he still coming tomorrow?

-That's what Jenny wants.

-After the last time you two met?

Well, he's her dad and they should be together at Christmas.

Just wish I could do that for all of them.

-Is Josh coming to see Ruby?

-She's going to his after dinner.

-Has he asked any more questions?

-Not in a while.

Do you know when you're going to tell him the truth?

No' yet. I want to protect him for a little while longer.

Right. That's us.

How do you feel about a Chinese, a cheeky wee voddie

-and a Muppet Christmas Carol?

-I should get over the road.

Oh, come on. It's Christmas Eve tradition.

-Aye, not for years, though.

-Oh!

SHE LAUGHS All right.

Right, you find the DVD. I'll phone for the food.

MUSIC: Silent Night

You guys are sick.

-Hello?

-'Aye, it's me.

'I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

'I was really looking forward to going away'

and I don't want this to ruin things for us,

-but I have to do this.

-Look, I'm warning you.

-If you're not here to watch your son open his presents...

-'I will be.'

Look, I'll crash at the flat tonight,

but I'll be there first thing, I promise.

And listen, my mum asked if she could join us for dinner.

-That be OK with your mum?

-Aye, it'll be fine. I'll let her know.

I better go. See you tomorrow, OK?

I love you.

'Night.'

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

-C'mon, you. Bed.

-Eh?

Right.

-Oh, have you done the mince pies?

-Aye.

-Have you done the whisky?

-Done. Twice. And the carrot.

-It's all sorted.

-Right, good stuff.

All right, I'll see you the morn, then.

Or later on today. What time is it?

It's midnight! HE CHUCKLES

Aw, it's Christmas!

-Merry Christmas.

-Merry Christmas, darling.

-Merry Christmas, Kelly.

-Merry Christmas, Ma.

Aw!

-Right, night.

-Night.

-Right, let's hear it.

-What are you talking about?

Well, you've been like a cat on hot bricks since Alex left.

-What's up?

-Nothing. Everything's fine.

And Alex is working Christmas Day?

Aye, I told you - three staff have gone off sick.

It's me you're talking to, Kel.

-If there's anything wrong...

-Look, there isnae.

I was just looking forward to going away, that's all.

-Merry Christmas, darling.

-Aye, merry Christmas, Jimmy.

Merry Christmas, Stevie.

Cheers, pal. You too. Have a good one.

Angus.

Come on. Hame time.

Santa's coming. Time to go.

Angus!

ANGUS GROANS

-Come on. Away hame to your bed, pal.

-Hmm.

-Grab us another beer.

-Pub's shut.

Unshut it.

It's the least you owe me.

Away, ya dancer.

No, it's late. We've both got hames tae go tae. Come on.

You might have a hame tae go tae. And a girlfriend.

I've got an old woman's couch and a duvet.

Well, you cannae sleep here.

-Unless you want to go up the stair and snuggle into Eileen.

-Oof!

-Bagsy the wee spoon.

-HE CHUCKLES

What about you?

-Big spoon or wee spoon?

-Eh?

You and Stella. Are you the wee spoon or the big spoon?

-I'm no' answering that. Come on.

-I bet you're the wee spoon.

HE SNIGGERS

What about wi' Zinnie?

Were you the wee spoon wi' her as well?

Just get yourself up the road, eh?

That was out of order, man.

I know.

Really...not cool.

I know.

-I'll just carry that doon the road.

-Right.

Oh, and...tell Stella happy Christmas.

She's a keeper.

Doesnae deserve you.

No, in fact, it's the other way about.

Lucky boy.

DOOR CREAKS

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

Jimmy!

What's going on?

I spoke to Alex on the phone and he sounded strange,

so I thought I'd come down tae have a look

and...I wish I hadnae.

Do you know, I really believed him, you know,

when he said all this was behind us.

Your husband's a piece of work.

Well, we cannae leave this here. We need tae get rid of it.

Look, will you help me? Please?

HE SIGHS

Aye, aye, of course, but we better get moving.

Right, we'll take this wi' us and we'll get rid of it.

-But then Alex'll know it was us.

-Look, just do what I say, all right?

Now, look, get the CCTV and the cashbox.

My cab's round the back. I want you to put the alarm on.

-I'm gonnae kick the fire door in.

-But the police'll come.

-We've got to make it look like it was a break-in.

-Right.

# But if you really hold me tight

# All the way home, you'll be warm

# The fire is slowly dying

# And, dear, we're still goodbye-ing

# But as long as you love me so

# Let it snow, let it snow let it snow. #

PHONE RINGS

Alex McAllister.

Yeah.

What?

When was this?

Right, I'll be right there.

Hi, Mum. It's me.

That'll do. I'll go get the gear.

-Jimmy, hurry up.

-Aye, all right.

SIREN WAILS Aye, aye. We've company.

Oh, no. They might have followed us fae the club.

-What we gonnae dae?

-Just stay calm.

-We're gonnae get caught, Jimmy.

Look, just act normal, right? Let me do the talking.

-All right?

-Hey.

-Hi, officer. How can we help you?

-You've got one of your rear number plate lights out.

-Oh, thanks.

Look, listen, I'll get that sorted. We were just leaving.

Merry Christmas.

Aye, merry Christmas.

-I totally thought that was it.

-I know somewhere else we can go.

-No.

If that lot see us again, they'll know something's up.

-I'm no' taking it in the hoose.

-Yeah, well, what are we gonnae dae?

I suppose it'd be safe enough overnight in the boot.

On you go. I'll park the car.

-You opened your mouth, didn't you?

-I never said a word to anyone.

-No-one else knew about it.

-What about Billy's guy?

-You said the stuff was here when you locked up.

-It was.

It was in a snowman in a gift bag

and I left it right here, but he could've come back.

Well, wherever it is, we need to find it fast.

I've had it. I'm out.

You don't call the shots, Alex. Billy does.

Oh, you think so? I'm finished with this family.

You leave this family feet first or not at all.

You've had things far too easy for too long.

It's about time you stepped up like a man.

-PHONE RINGS

-Like a Kennedy.

Hello. Yes.

Thank you, Tommy.

Billy's guy didn't take it.

-You can tell me, you know.

-What?

-If it was you.

It wasn't me, OK?

No.

Suppose that was too much to ask.

You know, for a minute, I thought I was going to be impressed,

but you never fail to disappoint.

Well, whoever it was knew what they were doing

and knew what they were after. That narrows the field, doesn't it?

I'm still going to have dinner with my wife and son.

You've messed up their Christmas enough already.

I'll stay at yours tonight.

Tomorrow's going to be a long day.

CHURCH BELLS CHIME

-DREW: One, two. One, two. You do it.

-Merry Christmas!

-BOTH:

-Merry Christmas!

-Merry Christmas.

-Oh, at last!

Oh, we've been up for ages. We couldnae wait.

We had to start without you. Oh!

-What have you got there?

-A new game.

Come on. Rip it! Come on!

Oh, my God.

-Are you sure about this?

-Course. It's Christmas and you deserve it.

-Thank you, Mum!

-Love you, darling.

-What?

-Mum's present.

-You've...got it.

-No, it was your turn.

Um, it's not ready yet.

-It's not ready?

-Um, yeah, we decided to make you something this year

and we didn't get it finished in time.

Aye, it'll be finished later.

Don't worry. I don't need any presents.

You lot are all I need.

Right. Ooh.

THEY MOUTH SILENTLY

-Is Liz away already?

-Aye. She just left.

Eileen and wee Stuart picked her up.

-Malcolm'll be delighted to see them all, won't he?

-I know.

I didnae want to intrude, but I sort of wanted to go with them.

-We could go sometime during the holidays.

-Aye?

-Aye.

I'd really like that.

Well, that's the turkey in the oven.

Oh, merry Christmas, son.

-Oh, my heid feels like a burst ball.

-Aye, me too.

-Serves you both right.

Right, I'm going to go over the road to Caitlin's.

-Are you sure you don't want to come?

-No, I'm good here. You have fun.

-OK, bye.

-See you.

Right, mate, merry Christmas.

"To Angus. From Bob."

-What, nae kisses?

-Mm-mm.

Yes! Socks. Top marks for originality.

Well, you're always knocking mine, aren't you?

So...

..where's mine?

Um, you see, the thing is...

-I knew it. You forgot, didn't you?

-No, it's just...

..you know how skint I've been.

-Aye. Fair enough, mate.

-I'll make it up to you.

No, don't worry about it.

HE LAUGHS

Course I got you a present, ya rocket!

What's wrang?

What's this?

You wernae meant to see that.

AJ's boy Harry, he brought it round to the garage yesterday.

-Ah, I see.

-I didnae know what to dae with it,

so I was gonnae leave it until tomorrow

in case it spoiled your day.

-You no' gonnae open it?

-No' right now, no.

Cheers.

-BOTH:

-# Last Christmas I gave you my heart

# But the very next day you gave it away

# This year to save me from tears... #

What are we going to do? We need to give her something.

It's fine. Look at her. She's well happy.

Ah, she doesnae care.

She does care.

DOORBELL RINGS I'll get it.

-BOTH:

-# Do you recognise me? #

-My dad's here.

-Merry Christmas, everyone.

Ellie. Caitlin.

Hey, Gary! It's been a while.

-Can I get you a drink?

-You can crack that open if you like.

Ooh, now you're talking.

-Rubes. Merry Christmas.

-Thanks, Gary.

-Drew, good to see you again.

-Merry Christmas.

-Merry Christmas.

-Thanks.

-So, how've things been?

-Yeah, good.

-Really?

-She's doing her best.

Here, merry Christmas, princess.

That not what you call Bruce?

-A pen drive for my computer.

-50 gigabytes. Best there is.

-You two actually got together over this?

-I sent your dad a text.

Actually, I called your mobile and you texted me back.

-Only cos I spoke to Bruce and he...

-I love it. Thank you both.

-Thank you.

-Do you like that, Jimmy?

-Aye.

-Aye?

Aw, that's good.

Oh, absolutely love this. Thank you again.

Aw, it's brilliant.

Madonna, I'm sorry I didnae get you a wee brother for your Christmas,

but it's just, as Uncle Patrick says, it's no' that simple.

Aye, maybe next year.

Oh, I'm no' sure about that. That shop's well shut.

Still, the bike's amazing, eh, pal?

Cal, away and play with Madonna. Show her that wee game you've got.

Aw, it's great to have yous all here, by the way.

Must be a while since that last happened.

-23 year.

-Aw.

Right, I'm gonnae head back to my gran's. Dinner'll be ready soon.

I don't want to leave Angus on his ain wi' her for too long.

Right, thanks for all the pressies.

-Yous have a good day, right? See yous later.

-See you, Bubba.

Right, I'll go and stick the kettle on.

Aye, and I'll get started on the stuffing, eh?

Must be hard for you, darling, eh? All they folk.

-It's better than the jail.

-I'm really glad you're back hame.

-Did Jimmy bring up they crackers?

-I've got nae idea.

Oh, I'll swing for him.

Here, gonnae go doon the cab and bring them up, son?

-Aye, sure.

-Thanks.

And thanks again for my pressie!

I'm gonnae dump that stuff while the kids are playing wi' their toys.

-Right, well, just be careful, Jimmy.

-Don't worry, I will.

KNOCK ON DOOR

-Hiya!

-Scarlett, merry Christmas.

-Oh, merry Christmas, Martina.

Oh, hiya, Alex. Go on in. In yous go.

Look who's here!

-Jimmy, merry Christmas.

-Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, Jimmy.

-Merry Christmas, Kelly-Marie.

-Merry Christmas.

Right, have a wee seat. Dinner's nearly ready.

Scarlett, I love your decorations. Very...festive.

Oh, they're just fae the cash and carry.

-Really?

-Aye.

-Never have guessed.

Listen, would you like a wee drink of wine? Red or white?

-I've got both kinds.

-Oh, spoilt for choice.

-The turkey was lovely, Mum.

-It came fresh from the farm.

Must've walked here, the amount of weight it had lost.

It wasnae the biggest, but it was really well stuffed.

-How is Bruce, by the way? Ha-ha.

-Would you two cut it out?

Sorry, love. Right, let's see this new laptop, then, eh?

And what about you, Drew? Was Santa good to you?

Got a new game for my console.

Nice. I don't know much about them these days, but...

My dad does.

I'm proud of you, you know.

Of course, you get your brains from me.

Gary could've been an astronaut, you know.

-He took up space in school.

-CAR HORN BLARES

Right, Rubes, that'll be your dad. Come on, let's go.

-Bye, darling.

-Bye!

-Merry Christmas, Rubes.

We need your help.

We forgot to get Mum anything. SHE SIGHS

Oh, right.

I could lend you some money, drive you round looking for a shop,

but I don't think anything'll be open.

I mean, nothing decent anyway.

You could get a travel mug

or an in-car charger from the garage.

But seeing as your mum never lifts her backside off the couch,

-I'm not sure either'll be much use.

-Not helpful, Dad.

Well, what about something home-made?

It's more personal. She'd love that.

-Aye, aye, she would.

-Like what?

Well, has your laptop got any editing software?

Got a call from the alarm company earlier this morning.

-Didn't want to wake the kids.

-Was there much taken?

Just the petty cashbox.

Plus a few personal items that Alex had locked in the office.

Oh, that's terrible.

Still, it could've been much worse, eh?

-I mean, did the police come?

-Yeah.

-Well, what did they say?

They'll look into it. Doubt there's much they can do.

They'd be looking into it if you were parked on a double yellow.

It's a shame, isn't it?

When you think about it, whoever it was knew what they wanted

and what they were doing.

That narrows the field, doesn't it?

Oh, there's my crackers.

Kelly, go and get Martina another drink.

-The good stuff's in the cabinet next door.

-Yeah. Right.

I'll give you a hand.

Right. Cracker.

Wee cracker, Patrick. Wee cracker, Martina.

They're in the house. What we gonnae dae now?

Calm down. I'll get rid of them.

-Do you think Alex suspects anything?

-No, I doubt it.

-He couldnae say anything in front of your mother anyway.

-Or his.

I'm not too sure about that.

Did you hear her dropping hints about personal items locked in the office?

-No. No way.

-It's Billy Kennedy's sister.

What's keeping yous two? Your dinner's getting cold.

Right, we're coming, Ma.

TV PLAYS

SHE SNORES SOFTLY

What we doing wi' our lives, man?

HE SIGHS

Pub?

SHE CONTINUES SNORING

Aye.

Right, kids, do you want to go and play?

Oh, Martina, you've hardly touched yours.

-I'm afraid I've lost my appetite.

-Oh, I know. Nae wonder.

What kind of lowlife would dae this at Christmas?

-Yeah, it's a sick world, Scarlett.

-So much for goodwill tae all men.

-I'd string them up, so, and I would.

-What about the CCTV?

-Whoever it was took the disk.

-Makes sense, I suppose.

Alex thinks it might be an inside job.

Aye, might be one of the staff.

Aye, the one that phoned in sick, so as you wouldnae suspect them.

What do you think, Kelly-Marie? Alex said you vetted them yourself.

Aye, that's right.

I think Jimmy's right.

I think we need to look closer to home.

THEY LAUGH

# They've got cars big as bars They've got rivers of gold

# But the wind goes right through you

# It's no place for the old

# When you first took my hand on a cold Christmas Eve

# You promised me Broadway was waiting for me

# You were handsome

# You were pretty Queen of New York City

-BOTH:

-# When the band finished playing

# They howled out for more

# Sinatra was swinging All the drunks, they were singing

# We kissed on the corner then danced through the night

# The boys of the NYPD choir were singing Galway Bay

# And the bells were ringing out for Christmas Day. #

THEY LAUGH

Why shut the pub on Christmas Day?

So, what's it to be? The town or hame?

Hame. If you can call it that.

Is he talking tae himself?

I think he might be...singing?

Gentlemen.

-You having a private party?

-My parents are at my flat.

There's only so much Songs Of Praise a man can take

before blood gets spilled.

We're heading up to ours if you fancy it.

Swapping one pair of pensioners for another? Think I'll pass.

Plenty booze here if you fancy joining me.

Is it all right if I gie Ellie and Patrick a text?

-Go for your life. The more the merrier.

-Cool, mate.

-Fancy joining us?

-Sorry, got to do my accounts.

-On Christmas Day? That's no' allowed.

-Says who?

Oh, come on. I'm in here with Scotland's answer to Ant and Dec.

We could dae wi' a touch of glamour.

Well, that might be one of the nicest things you've ever said to me,

but no, thanks.

No buts. My goodwill towards you expires at midnight,

but I'm not leaving you here on your own on Christmas Day. Let's go.

You'll no' be going up north now, Alex.

No, maybe next year.

Aw, poor Kelly-Marie. She wanted to get away as well.

Mind you, I'm sure you're more concerned

-with what's going on around here.

-Jimmy?

No' for me. I'm driving.

-You're not working today?

-Aye, it's a guy I know.

Promised I'd take him to his gran's. I do it every year.

-First I've heard of it.

-I'll be right back.

What's he like?

I'll come with you.

I've left one of Cal's presents in the car.

Men - they're all the same.

Do you fancy some fresh air?

-Actually, I...

-Come on.

We can have a chat while your mum's making the coffee.

Right.

ENGINE STARTS

-ELLIE GIGGLES

-Thank you!

-Hey!

-That's enough.

-THEY LAUGH

Here, you've done well for yourself this year.

Only cos it's Christmas.

-I'm surprised you even had that many clients.

-Oh!

-Ooh!

Ma put on a lovely spread.

What's so funny?

I spoke about doing this months ago, but Zinnie wasnae that keen.

She must've changed her mind.

I wonder when she got it.

Don't know, but it says it's on in January,

so I guess that's why they're posting it out the now.

"Seize the day. Conquer your fears. Feel alive."

You've got till that kettle's boiled to give me back what's mine.

-I don't know what you're talking about.

-Oh, don't play games.

Jimmy's gone. I saw him drive away.

Why did you do this? It would've been over by tomorrow.

Call him!

If he doesn't bring that package back right now, I'll...

Please, Kelly. These are dangerous people we're dealing with.

-You mean her?

-Please just call him.

It's his voicemail.

Well, try again and pray you're in time

cos if that package has gone,

Lenny's car won't be the only thing that goes boom around here.

You?

Just make the call.

Jimmy, it's me. Um, you need to bring the bag back.

Jimmy, just listen to me. I'm begging you.

Do as I say and bring it back.

Good girl. See what you can do when you try?

# Time for parties and celebrations

# People dancing all night long

# All I wish that every day was Christmas

# What a nice way... #

-Come on! It's Christmas!

-Oh, just cos it's you. Whoo!

-Right, come on. Shake it.

-Ah! Just cos it's you!

SHE LAUGHS

I'll dae the skydiving wi' you if you want.

-Got over your fear of heights, aye?

-No, but I'll try for you.

Thanks, mate.

-Maybe it's time I sorted myself out.

-You're no' doing that bad.

I'm 24 and I'm kipping at your gran's.

Wouldnae exactly say I'd it all figured out, would you?

-You'll be fine.

-D'ye think?

Haud that thought.

Whoo! Whoohoo!

-SHE LAUGHS

-Whoa-ho!

CAR ENGINE RUMBLES

I'll take that.

I won't tell you again.

Jimmy, just give it to her. There's nothing else we can dae.

You know, I never knew what Alex saw in you.

A wee trollop with a dead man's child.

But that break-in took guts.

We'll make a Kennedy of you yet.

Bye, Jen.

Give me a call and we'll catch up later in the new year, yeah?

He means next Christmas.

Your mum's not happy unless she has the last word.

Go home, Gary.

We don't want Bruce to be pulling his cracker all by himself.

Come here, you.

-Merry Christmas, Cait.

-Same to you, Gary.

-Friends?

-Let's just leave it at merry Christmas.

-HE CHUCKLES

-I'll catch you later, girls.

-Bye, Dad.

-Bye.

There he is. You OK?

Patrick dropped by earlier.

He brought you this.

You're my son, Drew, and I love you wi' all my heart.

I'm sorry that's not enough.

It's fine.

-What you got there?

-You'll like it. I promise.

-Won't she, Drew?

-Yeah, you'll like it.

Ooh!

# Have yourself a merry little Christmas

# Let your heart be light... #

Do you like it?

I love it. Thank you.

# Will be out of sight

# Have yourself a merry little Christmas

# Make the yuletide gay

# Next year, all our troubles will be miles away... #

Aw.

-Right?

-Right.

-You all right?

-I was going to say it's no' weird, but...

-Right, you ready?

-Right.

What am I looking at?

-You got me earrings?

-Oh, just open it, eh?

Is this like that bit in Friends

where Joey gets Chandler the chunky bracelet

and he has to kid on he likes it?

-What's this?

-Keys.

-I know it's keys, Bob. Keys for what?

-To a new gaff.

What? What are you talking about?

What you said earlier, it got me thinking.

You're in a rut. We both are.

You cannae keep sleeping on my gran's couch forever

and I cannae stay with two old biddies and my girlfriend.

We need our ain space. Man space.

-You got me a man space?

-No, I got us a man space.

Are you serious?

We move in next week. New year, new start.

What about Ellie? Would she no' mind?

I havenae exactly mentioned it tae her, but she'll understand.

You need this.

And it'll be good for me and her. We need to take our time.

So, what do you think?

I think you're a pure legend. Cheers, buddy!

-Shall we go and take a look?

-Aye.

Where did yous two get tae? And where's Martina and Alex?

Mum, she asked me to apologise to you.

-Her taxi came and it wouldnae wait.

-Jimmy could've taken her.

I think she really fancies you, by the way.

She didnae want you to leave earlier.

Look at him getting all shy!

I'm gonnae make a cup of tea before my movie starts. Yous wanting one?

-Speak now or forever haud your peace.

-We're all right, Ma.

-How about you, handsome?

-No, thanks, darling.

Jimmy, what've I done?

If anything bad happens,

I'll never forgive myself for handing that stuff back.

Don't worry. Nobody's going to get hurt.

How do you know?

I switched the bags before I got back.

KNOCK ON DOOR

I'll get that.

You dirty...

If you ever pull a stunt like that again...

Jimmy, get back inside before Ma hears us.

This isnae finished.

Do you have any idea of the danger you're in?

Well, why don't you enlighten me? I mean, since this is your family.

You and Cal are my family. I was trying to keep you both safe.

Stay away fae me!

Kel, you have to give it back.

If you don't, then I can't protect you.

Protection? It was your family that got me into danger.

Yous are the only one I need protection from.

-Please, you need to listen to me.

-The drugs have been destroyed.

-What?

-No. No, they can't be.

-Aye, you heard me.

So, why don't you run off and get that sorted

before your mammy gets angry wi' you?

Do you have any idea what you've done to yourself?

-To your family? To us?

-To us?! There is no us.

-No' any more.

-Kel.

-No, get out my face!

# Let Earth receive her king... #

-Ooh! Where's he off tae now?

-Work.

-Look at the carol singers. Oh!

-# Prepare Him room

# And Heaven and nature sing

# And Heaven and nature sing

# And Heaven, and Heaven and nature sing

# Joy to the world the Saviour reigns!

# Let men their songs employ

# While fields and floods rocks, hills and plains

# Repeat the sounding joy

# Repeat the sounding joy

# Repeat, repeat, the sounding joy

# No more let sins and sorrows grow

# Nor thorns infest the ground

# He comes to make His blessings flow

# Far as the curse is found

# Far as the curse is found

# Far as, far as... #

It's me.

You said if I ever needed you, you'd come back.

Well, I need you now...

..so I'm asking you, come home.

Kelly-Marie, did you miss me?

I need to find the money from somewhere.

I'm sorry. I don't have any choice.

-When were you gonnae ask me?

-Ask you what?

-To move into Liz's with you?

-Bob, you need to tell her.

That stunt you and Jimmy pulled,

I hope you don't think that's the end of it.

-Stay away fae me, Alex.

-You heard her.

Not once did you ever ask me why I cheated on you.

Is it because you didn't have to ask?

-You're having a party at yours tonight, I hear.

-Are you coming?

I'll think about it.

-I did something really stupid.

-AJ?