16/02/2016 River City

Kelly-Marie is my best friend,

and you think it's cool to sleep with her husband behind her back.

It's negative. They got it all, they got all the cancer.

This is where it all begins. Our family.

The only reason I slept with you in the first place

was you were in the right place at the right time,

and we were strangers - I would never have done it

if I'd known that you were my friend's son.

-It's time, sweetheart.

-No, I can't.

The wee man's tired.

Kelly, have you not been to bed yet?

You've only been out the hospital a couple of days.

-What are you doing?

-Packing it up.

You sure you want to do this?

I held him, I kissed him, he died.

This was never his.

It doesn't remind me of him.

Kelly...

Mum. Leave me. I mean it.

DOOR CLOSES

HE CLEARS THROAT

Happy Valentine's Day, Ms Donachie.

Roses are red. Violets are blue.

Somebody somewhere wants to sleep with you.

HE CHUCKLES

These got delivered by the courier downstairs.

Right.

Right. Thanks for bringing them up.

-Do you not want to see who they're from?

-No, I'm just going to

get Stuart's breakfast, so...

It'll take two seconds. Go on, open it, open it, open it!

-Open it, open it...!

-Right.

-Open it, open it...

So, do you know who it is?

-Yeah, I've got a fair idea.

-Ah...

Not-so-secret admirer, eh? Aren't you the dark horse!

So what are you doing up here so early?

Oh, I'm doing a special batch of aphrodisiac pies -

"The Spicy Kama Sutra".

Should get the punters' blood pumping.

No oysters in them, though - I do have my limits.

You all right?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine... That sounds lovely.

Yeah. I'm kind of hoping that they'll work some magic for me, as well.

It's the first Valentine's since...er...

Booked in tonight in a swanky hotel up west.

Haven't told Annie yet, going to sweep her off her feet at work.

ALARM RINGS

-That'll be the pies, then.

-Don't let them burn.

HE CHUCKLES

Oh, it's yourself! Never recognise you without the slap on.

Just back from the gym.

I'm chocka with clients today, so got to keep in shape.

Your monopoly is ending, missy.

£600 of new product.

I'm relaunching. New lights, new chairs, new branding - the works.

Let's see how busy you are then.

So, the insurance came through?

-Why wouldn't it?

-Oh, just...

I know how tricksy they can be. Anything not to pay out.

Well, they said everything was in order with my claim,

so expecting the money any day now.

No.18 is going to rise from the ashes.

Ha! Talk of the devil.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

-Morning.

-Hi.

Heard anything from UCL yet?

Er, no.

Don't worry. They'll never refuse your appeal.

Yeah. Sure.

Right, you, eyes closed, hands out.

Happy Valentine's!

Lovely.

"The Spicy Kama Sutra".

I need to find my charger.

So, are you still free tonight?

Er, probably. Why?

Oh, you know, that isn't the complete gift.

More surprises to come, things happening tonight.

I hope you've not gone and spent too much money on Valentine's.

As if I'd do that.

DOOR OPENS

-Congrats.

-Aye, right(!)

Oh, I-I mean it. Professional solidarity and all that.

Is this your new stock?

-Looks nice stuff.

-What do you want?

Look, I'm really busy today, and I'm almost out of fixer and volumiser.

Is there any way you could sell me some essentials?

Er, sorry, no can do.

Are you still hung up on this Alex thing?

Look, I am offering a professional transaction.

And purely professionally, I'm not giving a leg up to a rival.

The fire came at just at the right time for you, didn't it?

What are you implying?

The way you ran this place into the ground,

your clients were already jumping ship to me.

Tarting it up isn't going to win them back.

We'll see.

"Should I get my hair done in Glasgow's swishest salon...

"or in the back of some hussy's manky old Transit?"

DOOR CLOSES

-Only me.

-Hi.

-Hey.

-I know, right, up before noon. I couldn't believe it, either.

HE CHUCKLES You're not due in at work today.

-I'm helping Dad. Forced labour.

-Hey, what else are kids for?

Did, um... Did you get the flowers?

It was very sweet.

But the flower delivery guy gave the roses to your dad.

-What if he'd seen the card?

-But he didn't.

It needs to stop.

The people of Glasgow are crying out for my erotic pastry.

PHONE RINGS

Well, go on, then, might be UCL.

Hello?

Well...?

PPI spam.

We're due his uni appeal.

Great! Hope that works out for you.

Right, come on, take these into the car.

There you go...

Oh, forgot to ask.

Have you got any plans for V day?

No! God, no, no.

All right, so mystery man didn't follow through on his flowers

with a hot date?

I made it clear that that is... not going to happen.

Ah, playing hard to get, eh? I like it.

Right, c'mon, you.

DOOR OPENS

Hiya.

Sorry, Robbie. What can I get you?

Any chance you could put this up for me?

Oh. Looking for a lodger? You stuck for cash or something?

Actually... Erm...

Kelly got your flowers.

How is she, now that she's back hame?

Aye she's managing... A bit too well. She should be in bits.

I just don't think she's properly realised she's lost the baby, you know?

PHONE RINGS

'I'm sorry,

'but the person you've called is not available.

'Please leave your message after the tone.'

Er, hi, my name's Angel, I'd be really

interested in viewing the flat you're renting in Shieldinch.

I'd like to see it.

Be great if you could call me back.

Er, hi,

my name's Angel, I'd be really interested in viewing the flat...

'Message deleted.'

You all right? What are you doing?

Just looking for rooms to rent.

Are you moving to the neighbourhood?

Well, hope it's not solely on my account.

You know, this property is highly sought-after.

You're a fixer-upper. At best.

I'm afraid I'm off the market.

Oh, I'm gutted(!)

PHONE CHIMES

Happy Valentine's!

I thought we weren't doing Valentine's.

"Stella, we've gotta save for the baby doll."

-I don't sound like that!

-Aye, you do.

I'm going to need to teach this wean how to talk proper, you know what I mean?

"How to talk proper, you know what I mean?" Aye, good luck with that. DOOR KNOCKS

I'm not bothering you, am I, Stevie?

No, you're fine, Kelly. Come in.

Hey, Stella... Wow, you must be about to pop.

-Kelly. We're really sorry...

-I'll not keep yous.

You shouldn't be carrying all this stuff about.

I'm fine, honest.

Right, so, there's a monitor, nappies, baby grows, hats, toys...

Well, pretty much plenty to get you through the first wee while.

-We can't take all this.

-It's all brand-new.

-Really, you shouldn't have...

-Have you got a buggy?

-No...

-Well, there's no use it going to waste.

We were devastated...

I got your card. Thanks.

Right, I want to meet the wee one when it gets here.

I'd better get going.

-See you later.

-See you.

Here, that's the best of gear. Alex isn't cheap.

We can't keep it.

That was really nice of her to do that. That couldn't have been easy.

Well, I'm sorry, Stevie, it's just not right.

What are you doing up here?

I wanted to give you the rest of your present.

-Aw, Harry...

-At least take a look.

It is beautiful. But we both know I can't accept it.

If I was older...

..do you think we'd stand a chance?

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe. If we got to know each other better...

I booked this for us. You know, we could go away, be anonymous.

It's a great hotel...

..and we can just be "us".

And then, if you still don't think there's anything

worth exploring - I'll back off.

Hello? Eileen?

Go in the study! Go on...

AJ...

Sorry for barging in.

What's up? You all right?

Yeah. Yeah, why?

I don't know, you seem a bit...wired.

SHE CHUCKLES No, I'm fine. I'm fine.

So, what is it?

I need your help. I am a dead man!

She's been away for hours. She didn't even say she was going out.

-Try not to worry, darlin', eh?

-She's not shed a tear in days.

You just have to let her deal with it - her own way.

DOOR OPENS

-Hi, Kel.

-Where have you been?

-How's Callum been?

Oh, he's fine, aye. He's playing with Madonna in her room.

What are you doing?

Erm, just making a start on the arrangements, you know,

for the service. Take the pressure off you.

Were you talking about the funeral with Cal around?

Cal and Madonna won't be coming.

I'm going to do something with them so they can say goodbye in their own way.

-Sweetheart, don't you think it's best that they be at the ceremony?

-I've made my mind up.

As far as the funeral goes, it's all in hand.

That's where I've been, at the funeral home with Father Mulvaney.

It's all organised.

The hotel's flooded!

It's shut. Anywhere else decent is booked out.

Can you not just buy her flowers and chocolates?

-CHUCKLING:

-Have you met my wife?

I'm not sure I'm going to be much help.

Come on! You're a woman, I need ideas.

Well, give her something personal, something that captures you both.

-Specifically...?

-Er...

Oh, oh, you are a genius! Mwah!

Of course, depends if we've got the box out of storage but, oh,

yeah, yeah, thank you!

Hopefully my beloved layabout's still at home.

PHONE RINGS

AJ, wait...

And you're hiding in the study because...?

-CHUCKLING:

-I wasn't hiding.

No, I sent him in there to look for the rota.

So we could check who's working tonight.

I mean, my memory is like a sieve at the moment...

So, erm, where is it?

-What?

-The rota.

II couldn't find it.

Well, don't worry, there's another one down in the bar,

-we can check that.

-Cool.

Why were you ringing? Did you need me for something?

Yeah, he needs your help to avoid a Valentine's Day massacre.

Yeah, I need to pull a rabbit out of the hat for your mum tonight.

Actually, have you got time to nick back to the house

and check the storage boxes for me?

Sure. What for?

I'll explain on the way. Thanks again, Eileen.

No problem.

-Do you mind...?

-No...

Dad, don't!

"I can't stop thinking about the night we shared...

"I've never met anyone like you.

"Give me another chance.

"For ever...

"..yours, Harry."

Please tell me this isn't what it looks like.

Dad, it's not a big deal.

"The night we shared..."? He's a boy, Eileen!

And you're old enough to be his mother!

How could you do THAT with my son?

It was a moment of madness.

And Annie doesn't need to know.

I promise, it's finished.

Damn right it is! You, home.

Go.

What the hell were you thinking of?

Some twisted recreation of our youth? I take it he doesn't know?

No, of course not. It...

It wasn't like that.

What do you take me for?

SHE SIGHS

God.

How long till my refund?

ENGINE STARTS

-You returning all that stuff?

-Half the order was wrong.

You knew I'd have paid for some of that.

You are a petty, petty man.

Said the woman who rolls into town to steal my business...

If I was out to get you, Robbie, don't you think

I would have told the police or the insurers what I saw?

-What did you see?

-You.

Walking away looking very shaky ten minutes before

the fire brigade showed up.

"Man walks home". That doesn't prove anything.

Might make them look closer at things.

-Don't!

-Well, what's stopping me?

I'm not getting my money, OK? They've rejected my claim!

Does that make you happy?!

What? How?

What are you doing?

I don't want this in here.

I thought we sorted this. You're being daft!

How could you put this in here with our baby's stuff?

I think you're overreacting a wee bit, are you no'?

Ho! Stella, what are you doing?

I'm not having this anywhere near our baby.

Can we not just talk about this?

Sake...

And don't even think about bringing it back up,

Stevie, get rid of it!

So. They worked out you torched the place, eh?

Tut-tut-tut!

No, because I didn't.

There was no inspection certificate on my smoke alarm.

It's voided the policy.

I thought that money was coming.

I have spent a fortune on my credit cards

and I'm going to have to cancel it.

Sorry, well, it is a bit funny.

You torch the place when you've invalidated your insurance.

I didn't torch the place!

How come you haven't phoned the police, then?

Because maybe I'd have done the same thing.

-That I can believe.

-Oh!

Look...

I'm not going to say anything.

OK?

Really, I promise.

After Will, things just... got out of hand...

The business nosedived and...

..it just seemed like the answer.

I just wanted a fresh start.

OK, so do some home visits,

put some cash aside, get the place cleaned up.

I was barely breaking even before I lost most of my clients to you.

I'm losing too much money,

I might as well just...

let it go.

What if...

..I rent you my van when I'm on homers?

I'd only want 15%, you could take any clients that come in.

Do that alongside home visits, you'll soon get the place painted,

and we can go back to hating each other.

-Why would you do that for me?

-I'm not a monster.

And I know what it means to own your own business.

Are you up for it?

Yes.

Great, well, come by after four, and I'll show you the ropes.

Thank you.

Oh, easy, tiger! Don't get carried away.

DOOR OPENS

Mum, why did you let him in?

Kelly, we've got our differences, but you need to hear him out.

I just want to talk about the funeral.

It's fine. I've sorted it.

I've nothing to say to you.

After everything we've been through?

Alex, David was the only thing connecting us.

There is no David now, so there's no us.

-Kelly, I need you.

-I don't need you.

If one good thing's came of this...

is David's gift to me...

..is now I'm free of you.

That's not a good idea, son.

Would you please leave?

I don't even have anything of David's.

Can I get a toy or...?

It's gone, I gave it all away. The baby stuff.

David doesn't need it.

You can't do that, Kelly! You had no right.

Alex, I don't think she realises what's happened or what she's doing.

Yep, no problem.

I'll check my appointment book and see when I can fit you in.

-Brilliant. Thanks.

-Is it for a special occasion, or...?

No, no, it's just... A treat, you know.

A wee pick-me-up.

Are you all right?

Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

You just... You seem a bit down.

I just got myself in bit of a situation.

I've hurt somebody.

And...

..I don't feel that great about it.

Or about myself.

Valentine's Day break-up? It's pretty common, though, I think.

Second only to New Year's break-up.

It wasn't a break-up. There was no relationship. It was

just a bit of fun.

He was...younger...

SHE CHUCKLES

It was never going to be anything, it...

I just feel bad about hurting him.

I'm sorry, I didn't meant to off-load on you.

No, you're not, it's fine.

-Look, I'll let you know about that appointment, OK?

-Yeah.

Eileen, I was going to pop over later.

-Right, what can I do for you?

-We need to talk.

Do we?

Paperwork on the health centre purchase has finally came through.

It's official.

Right, that... That... That's brilliant news.

It is.

And as the woman who encouraged me to go for it, I think

we should go out and celebrate. My treat.

Sounds lovely, but you don't need to do that.

I want to.

We could even do a wee spa day first, you know - some pampering.

I mean, you look like you could to with a bit of de-stressing.

No offence.

That sounds like heaven.

Great, I'll look into some options and then I'll get back to you.

Great. Can't wait.

I'm ready to step aboard the TARDIS!

It's not any bigger inside!

It's got all I need.

Water comes from a tank, so conserve it.

Drains need to be emptied at the end of every shift.

Power comes off the battery, so run the engine every couple of hours.

And sweep up after every client. I'm particular about my work space.

I can see that...

Hey, my place, my rules.

Where'd you find this, anyway?

It's a custom build. I designed it myself.

Not just a pretty face. This is going to be great.

PHONE CHIMES

You're the guy with the room? Why didn't you just say?

What you on about?

Oh, come on?!

Are you trying to tell me this is a massive coincidence?!

Don't insult me any more, by trying to lie your way out of it.

Just give me some credit.

-We were at each other's throats.

-Is the room taken, though?

-The deal's off.

-Angel, please!

No. Leaching off my goodwill when you're sitting on that room?

I didn't know how to broach it.

I knew you were going to be angry. Move in now.

No. I don't want to live or work with a liar.

-Get your stuff and get out my van!

-I was jealous, OK?

Everything is going so well for you, and all I've got is problems.

Robbie, you're the cause of your problems.

"Oh, no, my nutjob husband's gone, I know what I'll do -

"I'll let my business burn down - that'll solve everything!"

It's pathetic.

The only thing I've done differently from you is work hard,

while you've whined, and got slaughtered and blamed other people.

PHONE CHIMES

DOOR OPENS

Your dad is in the kitchen!

I need to see you.

I meant it when I told your dad there's nothing going on.

I've never felt this way about anyone.

Oh, you're not in love, Harry. You're a boy who got infatuated.

I led you on and I'm sorry for that, but we are done.

I know you feel the same!

Just keep your voice down. It's over.

I am over this.

Liar.

Go!

-Hey. You all right?

-Yeah.

I was angry. I didn't mean to imply...

You had every right to be.

I got carried away...

Attentions of a younger man.

It had nothing to do with you... Us.

If it's over...

It-it is.

Then I'm happy to pretend it never happened.

Me, too.

SOFT KNOCK ON DOOR

Did you get rid of it?

Charity shop was shut, so I left it in the doorway.

I only put that stuff in here cos I thought you were all right

-with us keeping it.

-I said I didn't want it.

And then you said it was fine.

No, I didn't.

All right, you didn't. You didn't say anything, as usual.

Expecting me to magically work it all out,

and then you fire it down the stair when I cannae.

I'm sorry.

It's fine.

I get it. It scared you, it made you worry our wean'll die.

But Stella, that's just daft.

That was a freak thing that happened with Kelly,

-it was horrible bad luck.

-Aye, well, bad luck kind of follows me about.

That's not true.

Aye, it is. I know something bad's going to happen.

It always does.

With my ma, Bob...

Nothing bad is going to happen to our wean.

Aye, well, what if it does?

Sometimes just think it would be better if it wasn't even born, man.

Right, that is enough!

How can you stand there with our wean growing inside you,

-and say that?

-Cos it's the truth.

How am I actually having this baby, Stevie?

How can I say I love it,

when aw's I'm doing is passing on my crap to it?

Did you get that flat?

No, I didn't like the neighbourhood.

Lots of dodgy characters around.

They're all right when you get to know them.

-Really?

-Really!

If you were to, say...

have a drink with one of them,

I'm sure you'd see folks are OK around here.

What happened to you being spoken for?

I didn't feel like it.

Look, I'm not asking for a Valentine's or anything,

just... You know, could be fun?

I mean, it's that or spend a night in on your own.

I don't have anything better planned. You're paying.

Sound.

The Ship at seven, OK? Sweet.

TV PLAYS

I've done the order of service, the hymns and what everyone's doing.

If you could speak to Bob and Patrick for me...

Erm...

You've not got anything for Alex to do on this.

He suddenly your best friend now?

Kelly, you know how I feel about that man.

But he is David's daddy.

This isn't you.

I haven't felt more like myself in ages.

Don't. Don't get hard, darling.

It's too late for that.

Look, I know you're just trying to be strong,

and I'm dead proud of you...

but you've got to talk to me. Or-or somebody.

Shutting us out like this, it's just not good for you.

Kelly!

It's you that's in a state, Mum.

Leave her.

What are we going to do, Jimmy? How are we gonnae help her?

Just...give her time, eh?

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

Hey... Oh, you look nice.

I've got a date.

Oh, with the older woman?

No. That's...er...ancient history.

I heard from uni...

-I've got back in.

-Yes!

-Oh!

Oh, oh! Oh...

I heard this afternoon.

Oh, superb.

Oh, that is good news.

Everything's back to the way it should be.

Yeah, it's great.

Enough! This shirt's just ironed!

Well...

don't wait up for me.

God...thank goodness.

I know, right?

So, is that you home now?

Yeah, I'm all yours.

Right, I've got plans to spoil you, plans aren't quite ready yet,

so could you please stay out of the kitchen?

PHONE RINGS

'You're through to Urban Angel Haircare, Glasgow's

'leading street-style specialist, leave me a message.'

Hi, Angel, listen... I'm really sorry.

Could we just talk?

OK. Bye.

PHONE CHIMES

You seem a bit nervous. Valentine's date?

Well, relax! No man's gonnae stand you up.

You look great.

Thanks.

Oh, you look great, too, Eileen.

You do know there's a fine line between charm

and sleaze?

What can I get you both?

-Er, vodka, diet Coke, please.

-Make it two.

Don't let him play you.

-You could do a lot better.

-Don't worry...I can handle him.

Thanks.

Right, 7.20.

Keep the change.

Are you cooking?

Uh(!)

What's up?

-Nothing.

-What?

I just... I take it we're not going away tonight, then?

How did you know about that?

I might have... glanced at the booking.

Just a peek.

OK, I did have us booked into a hotel tonight,

but the place got flooded out.

So, I'm afraid a night in with my lamb and potato dauphinoise

-is going to have to do.

-Lovely.

Not JUST your lamb and potato dauphinoise. Presents, too.

Presen-t!

Uh-duh-duh-duh. No peeking.

DOOR OPENS

-I just want to talk.

-Why did you let him in again?

Kelly, David was Alex's, too. You need to talk to him.

Say what you've got to say. Then you can go.

I know you're angry with me, and that you want a divorce...

We are divorcing.

I need to talk to you about our son.

Cos no-one else was there...when we held him and he died.

That he was beautiful...

..and he was real...

..and ours...

even for that short time.

And I need to know that you feel like that, too.

That he wasn't something that we can just move on from.

Yes. He was.

All those things.

I'm grateful for those moments with David.

I always will be.

OK. You can go now.

It's fine.

The memory box.

I didn't need all that other stuff -

doesn't mean I've forgotten about him.

Such a tiny wee thing.

Here.

You sure?

(Now, please go.)

All right, Alex. Thanks for coming round.

I'll see you again.

DOOR CLOSES

I mean, it's bad enough he's convinced I'm the Antichrist,

when I've not behaved any worse than he has...

but it's the two faces of it all that really gets to me.

Nicey-nicey, while he's stabbing me in the back.

Sorry, am I boring you?

Sorry, it's terrible, it's really off of Robbie.

Look, what do you say... we just...skip to the end?

Another couple of drinks first?

What can I get you, Harry?

Another two shots, please.

I hope you can handle her.

Well, I can give as good as I get.

Doesn't bother you, does it?

No. Why would it?

Anyway, it's just a casual thing.

Uni took me back.

I'm out of here in four weeks.

4.80.

Not going to miss anything about this place.

Harry.

Just so as you know, this behaviour?

It's doing the opposite of what you want it to do.

You're such a child!

Well, cheers.

So, you ready to get out of here?

Yeah, let's go.

CLEARS HIS THROAT

I feel bad - I didn't get you anything.

Aye, well, why break the habit of a lifetime?

Maybe I should've. New beginnings and all that.

You've given me plenty recently.

We've had quite a year, haven't we?

Truth be told, there were times...

I wasn't sure we'd still be here tonight.

I want you to know how much this means.

I've not made it easy for you, either.

Being paranoid about Eileen...

Thanks for putting up with me, too.

Go on, open it!

It's the one you wore to our wedding - the one Mum gave you.

Yeah, yeah! It's just...

Well, it was broken, you know, I've not seen it for a long time.

I got it fixed.

Thank you. That's so thoughtful.

I know, right?

I'll get dinner.

MUSIC: This Year's Love by David Gray

LAUGHTER

I can't believe we're doing this.

Shut up and kiss me.

No. Sorry.

Sorry. I can't do this.

Sake, Harry.

I should be with someone else.

Then why the hell are you doing this with me?

It was meant to be casual, but...

..I love her.

Eileen.

You're her younger man?

And you paraded me in front of her?

Classy, Harry!

Real mature.

No wonder she dumped you.

FOOTSTEPS RECEDE

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

Kelly?

My baby's dead, Mum.

-My baby's dead.

-I know.

-I lost him, Mum, I lost him!

-I know, darlin'.

SHE SOBS

There you go. Thanks.

Hi, Liz! You're out late tonight.

The flat was empty -

I felt like a change of scene.

But I forgot it was Valentine's.

No, stay. Please. Let me buy you a drink.

Why not? I'll have a sherry, thank you.

-Ellie, would you get a sherry for Liz?

-Aye.

I thought you'd gone with Angel.

I couldn't.

I can't. I want to be with you!

Right, just stop it.

I don't want anyone else.

And I don't care about all the reasons why not.

I know you feel the same.

Get up the stairs, up the stairs! I'll follow you up.

INAUDIBLE

-What are you doing?

-Go away, Robbie!

Oh, my God! You are a bag lady!

Have you got cats in there, as well?

-Please just leave me alone, Robbie.

-Oh, no, no way.

How are YOU homeless? You're always so busy.

I thought you had it all figured out.

Well, now you know. I'm a financial screw-up, just like you.

Eh. Not like me. I'm not sleeping in a van!

It's because of this bloody thing I can't afford to live in a real flat.

The interest is so high

I'm going to be paying it off for the rest of my life.

I should report you. This is against the law.

I didn't report you.

Aye, cos you couldnae. Police'd find out you're a tramp.

-Please, it's just temporary.

-I've got no option.

Unless...

You move in with me. Rent-free.

I won't stay somewhere out of pity.

It's a business transaction.

In return, I get to use the van, percentage-free.

I need somewhere to work, and you need somewhere to live.

I didn't mean to say you were pathetic.

That stuff with Will must have really screwed you up.

My mess is all my own doing.

I'm starting to turn things around.

You up for it?

I don't know.

My place, my rules.

One, the back catalogue of Ms K Minogue

can and will be played at all hours.

Two, no bringing home ugly boys. Three...

Other than that, I'm fairly easy. We got a deal?

Purely a business arrangement, of course.

Oh, strictly.

You're not planning on us going away again, are you?

Mmm? No.

No surprise trips?

Why?

Just...

it would have been nice to go away tonight,

but I'd have to get back first thing.

It would be good to know, so that I could plan.

Duly noted. No more surprise trips.

Extra presents are always welcome, though.

Hey, was stressed enough thinking of this one.

Do you want to go out tonight?

It's late.

Live a little. Make up for not taking you out-out?

Just the Ship.

-OK.

-Yeah?

EILEEN: What the hell was that?

In front of Liz and a pub full of punters?

I want to be with you.

Harry, will you please listen to what I'm telling you?

This can't happen!

I don't want it to.

Was today not enough of a reality check for you?

You are... You're charming, and you're sweet,

and I've really enjoyed your company.

But the way you behaved with Angel,

it just reminded me how young you really are.

Now, we are never going to be together.

I don't need to go to Berwick-upon-Tweed to realise that.

I'm sorry.

Can't blame a guy for trying.

I really do care about you.

I know. And I'm very flattered.

I want you to keep this.

I can't.

Please. Just...take it.

I bought it for you.

It wouldn't feel right giving it to anyone else.

Every time you look at it...

..I want you to remember how amazing you are.

And that you deserve to be loved.

You talking to me now?

The way you run the Oyster.

The way you're loyal to folk.

The way you get my tea just right.

The way you spoon me at night.

What are you talking about?

It's a list of things you do that aren't cursed.

You say everything you touch, it goes wrong.

Well, I'm getting everything down here to prove that isnae true.

And it's full.

The way your face wrinkles up all cute when you smile.

The way you look first thing in the morning.

-The way you're amazing with weans.

-Stevie.

My head's buzzing with all this rubbish.

The way you are with me,

a man that doesnae deserve you,

and still he cannae believe that you want to have a wean with him.

The way that...whatever happens,

we manage together.

Aye.

I'm happy for you to keep working for me until you go back to uni.

If that's not too awkward...

No. I'd like that. I'd like us to be friends, too,

if that's even possible.

I'm sure we can manage that.

Can I get a large red and a cherry cider, please?

Why don't you grab a table? I'll bring the drinks over.

-I'm pure chivalrous like that.

-I've never felt so loved.

Actually, I need to speak to Eileen about our spa day.

-Is Eileen around?

-Aye, she's upstairs, I think.

-Right, I'm just going to run up. Won't be long.

-OK.

Are you sure you won't change your mind about this?

No. If I take it back

they'll know I'm the guy who got dumped on Valentine's Day.

Thank you.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

It's lovely.

Isn't it just?

So you drew the short straw, then? Working the Valentine's shift?

Och, no, I volunteered so Stevie could be with Stella.

Although if I'd known Harry was going to bail on his date

-I'd have made him do it.

-Harry bailed?

-I think so.

He was in here about five minutes ago looking like a lovesick puppy.

Back in a second.

Can I have a look at it?

Sure.

-Ow!

-You utter bitch!

-Mum!

-Annie!

-What are you playing at?

-Keep out of this.

This is between me, her, and my cheating husband.

Annie, sweetheart, you've got this completely wrong.

Keep your pathetic lies to yourself.

I found this necklace in our lounge this morning.

And he's taking her on a dirty weekend!

I found the booking for next month.

Annie, I didn't buy anything for Eileen. I swear.

You promised me that you'd changed.

I shouldn't really blame you.

I should never have taken you back last time.

Shame on me.

No more.

And you!

-You are some piece of work!

-Mum, stop!

You've got it all wrong. Dad didn't buy the necklace,

or the weekend away for Eileen.

I did.

-SHE SCOFFS

-Don't try to cover up

-for your father.

-Please, Annie...

Don't talk to me.

Harry did buy the necklace for me.

And why would he do that?

-Because I'm in love with her!

-Oh, dear God.

I beg your pardon.

We met on a blind date when I first arrived in Glasgow.

Wait a minute.

This...

This was the guy you met?

My son?!

I'm sorry. I didn't know then. I didn't find out

-until after we'd spent the night together.

-After you...!

-Oh, God, tell me this isn't happening!

-It isn't.

As soon as I found out he was your son, it was over.

-I think I'm going to be sick.

-How could you do this to us?

You promised me it was finished.

It never started.

You knew about this?

I only found out today. I was trying to protect you.

There's nothing going on now, I promise you.

-I can't even look at you.

-Annie!

Please, let me explain.

I have heard more than enough already.

We talked about that guy you met.

We even laughed about the fact that you spent the night with him.

-I didn't know!

-That was my son!

-You're a pervert.

-Mum! Come on. That's not fair.

-Harry, stay out of this.

-No, I won't. I'm part of this, too.

-I pursued her.

-She led you on.

-No, she didn't.

You've been lying to me this whole time, while behind my back

you've been orchestrating some sordid little affair with my son!

-Harry, home. Now.

-No.

This is not up for discussion. Move it.

No. I'm staying here.

With her?

I care about Eileen, Mum.

I want to stay here and make sure she's OK.

-And what about me?

-I'm fine, Harry. Just go.

-No!

And what if I told you

that you're not the first man in this family

to have slept in that trollop's bed?

-That make you change your mind, would it?

-What?

Can we not do this here?

Oh, I think we will!

What are you on about?

Oh, well, how can I put this delicately?

They used to be together.

Intimately.

I'm afraid your father beat you to that particular slam-dunk.

Popped each other's cherries, I believe.

Sweet, isn't it?

Not so attractive now, is it, darling?

Still want your cougar? Huh?

Two men, one family,

-30 years apart.

-SHE LAUGHS

-That's quite an achievement.

-Annie.

Please can we go upstairs and talk about this? As friends?

We were never friends, Eileen.

You were just an acquaintance.

AJ. Move.

I don't care what the police are saying. What really happened?

Eileen, your father has taken a fall.

We therefore tenderly commit the body to its resting place.

I'll get an ambulance.

-Bob, you cannae, it's coming right now.

-What?!

Stella!

I think Eileen might be onto something about Alasdair.

I was in the neighbourhood and remembered

we'd some unfinished business, so here's how this is going to play.

Tell him what you did,

before I blow his brains out.