05/07/2016 River City

Do you know what it's like to only know half of who you are?

You're Drew McLean, you're my son!

I'm not just YOUR son, though!

I don't even know anything about him!

It doesn't matter, Drew, he doesn't matter.

It matters to me!

I'm going to find his dad.

Oh, my God! Are you kidding on?

Drew needs to know what happened to him, I do too.

Is that....

Aye. That's what you would look like with a moustache.

-I can explain.

-I think you'd better!

I was exonerated.

So you were investigated and cleared.

You might not have abused those boys.

But you abused your position.

You had a duty of care to those children and you violated that!

As if I would ever do such a thing.

Interfere with little boys like that.

You sit there, playing the victim, like some doddering old man,

talking about suffering, but you've got no idea!

Do you want to know what suffering is? Do you?!

# Left a good job in the city

# Working for the man every night and day

# And I never lost one minute of sleeping

# Worrying about the way things might have been

# Big wheel keep on turning

# Proud Mary keep on burning

# Rolling

# Rolling

# Rolling on the river

# Cleaned a lot of plates in Memphis

# Pumped a lot of 'pane down in New Orleans

# But I never saw the good side of the city

# Till I hitched a ride on a riverboat queen

# Big wheel keep on turning

# Proud Mary keep on burning

# Rolling

# Rolling

# Rolling on the river... #

We should have got the flyers out long before this.

Relax, there's plenty of time.

It's tonight, Cassie, not next week. I've got press coming, the lot.

Chill. I will give it the hard sell.

There's never been an indie music night in Shieldinch.

People round here need gentle persuasion.

Did you lock this when you left the flyers?

Yeah, pretty sure I did.

They're on the shelf.

You take these and I'll...

-Shh...

-What?

There's something in there.

-Stop creeping me out.

-I'm serious.

SNORING

Did you hear that?

What is that?

Where's the light switch?

It's not working.

It's moving!

Oh, my God, is it a fox?

Go find out...

-No way! You go!

-No! You're the man! The big husband.

Yeah, when it suits you!

Yes. When there is vermin involved, definitely!

Take this - just in case it bites.

Come out, come out, whatever you are...

SHE SQUEALS

I'm so terribly sorry.

THEY SIGH

Morning.

-Hoh!

-I'm sorry, but I had...

You get out of here! You hear me? GET OUT!

-Patrick, what's wrong?

-Have you been hiding him?

-What's it to you?

-Leave it, Angus.

-I warned you - get out of here now!

-All right, Patrick, let's just head!

Get your hands off me!

Patrick, please!

Back off, Patrick! I've told you I'll deal with it! Right?

Patrick... PATRICK!

Cassie, you want to take care of Angel? I'll see to Alasdair.

Bob, you want to get him sorted out, mate.

I'm trying my best, believe me.

It's got nothing to do with Angus. What you giving him a hard time for?

Alasdair's been staying in his dad's cabin!

Aye, maybe he has. Just relax, nothing's going to happen!

I want that beast out of there now!

I get that! But you're not going to do it by winding Angus up

or shoving Angel about.

-I didn't!

-You did! She was shaking, man!

You can't behave like that towards a lassie...

So you're an expert on how to treat a woman?

I'm not an expert on nothing, Patrick.

But I know when you're in a hole, you stop digging.

You've got no idea, do you?

Look, I know! My head's been bursting ever since you told me.

I can't stop thinking about it. All week!

A week? My head's been bursting my head for 15 years!

Patrick.

Don't, man...

Look, Patrick, don't do anything stupid!

HE SIGHS

THUMP!

How are you doing, gorgeous?

Have you got eye trouble?

Sassy! Like it.

That's not the only reason you'll be glad I came in today.

-D'you think?

-What do you know about the Rolling Stones?

They gather no moss?

This is a genuine pirate headscarf, as worn by Keith Richards

in Havana, Cuba.

What do you want me to do with it - wash the windows?

I'm giving you first offer. 20 quid.

It's worth three times that much.

Sweetheart...

we do donations, not transactions.

15, then. And that's pushing me to my limit.

Are you touched, sonny?

Here, we don't buy stuff, we sell it!

So live a little!

A tenner, and that's the lowest I can go.

I will not tell you again!

-A fiver, and it's done.

-Out!

Chancer!

What are you doing, Serge? The Stars and Stripes are backwards!

Do I have to do everything myself?

Away and get the table cleared.

Er, could I get the check, please?

Sure.

I knew it was bad.

I did not think it was that bad.

It'll be OK.

He laid a hand on you. That's it - crossed lines.

Zero tolerance. You have to confront this behaviour. Challenge him.

He says he doesn't want to talk about it.

What is this British thing in not talking?! It's crazy!

So... What, he says nothing, and you just let him get away with it?

You're scared, aren't you?

Oh... I can see it in your eyes.

I just don't want to make it any worse.

How can you make it worse?

This guy is a car crash waiting to happen!

You do not want to be around for it when it does.

He needs help.

Not from you, he doesn't! He needs a shrink, not a girlfriend.

Promise me you won't let him treat you like that again.

Promise.

AJ CLEARS HIS THROAT

How's Alasdair?

Recovering. Poor guy, he's been living there for days.

You never know what's going on in people's lives, do you?

No, you don't, do you?

Serge, I'm just off to... get some air.

Well, I don't see why prosecco doesn't count as one of your five a day. It's got fruit in it!

Ah... I've been away too long on that lonely country road.

HE CHUCKLES

Shop!

BOTH: He's changing the barrels.

Send reinforcements. There's a camel up here waving a white flag.

Could do with some better music in here, eh?

Some golden oldies.

# I've been the wanderer Oh, a wanderer

# I've been around Around, around, around... #

Do they ever do gigs in here?

Not unless you include singing drunks.

There's a distinct shortage of them!

Hey! There's a customer here wants to get drunk, PDQ!

Ha-ha! PDQ!

What's your poison?

Are they cloning you, or what?

Twice as nice!

Pint of Mick Jagger, and whatever my friend here's having.

No, no, I'm all right, thanks.

Fine. Why the Celine Dion?

What?

Long face. You look like you lost a dollar and found a dime.

Go on. Take a drink.

Aye, go on, then.

Pete.

AJ.

That's the game.

Whatever he wants - intravenously if necessary.

So, are you from round here?

You could say I've got... connections.

Right.

So, AJ, what is it? Money or women?

You don't want to know.

Ah... Women! Can't live with them,

can't live with them.

Can't shoot them either, but that's another story.

Oh! Liquid gold.

What do I owe you, brother?

That's 6.20, please.

I'm sorry, we don't take cards.

I've got no cash. Can I pay you later?

No offence, but you could walk out that door

and I might never see you again.

No, seriously, do I look like the kind of guy you can't trust?

It's all right, I'll get these.

No, no. I'd feel bad after saying I'd get you one.

-Have you got an empty glass there?

-Hello? It's a pub.

Can I borrow one a minute? Right, now...

if I can pass this coin through that glass without breaking it,

can I pay you later?

I'll do you one better - if you can do that, I'll buy the drinks myself.

You're on!

I'll have a G & T, and make it a loud one!

How did you do that?

If I told you, I'd have to kill you.

Hasta la vista, baby!

Cheers!

Angus?

I'm sorry. Angus said I could use the...

The dressing gown was hanging up.

Can I make you a cup of tea?

No...no.

Look, I don't know what the score is with you and Patrick,

but I think it's best you get gone.

Yes. I'll leave. I won't trouble you.

I'm afraid I'm experiencing

something of a short-term accommodation crisis.

Aye, well, I've got a mother and a wean living here,

so I really don't need this at the moment, know what I mean?

Yes, I'm sorry.

Erm, I'll get changed and leave. I'm used to this.

Look, erm...

Take your time. I'm going back to work, Stella's out with Hope.

Just...don't be around when they get back, eh?

Thank you, Bob.

Don't thank me. Just be gone.

-So what do you mean, exactly, connections?

-Family ties.

Ah.

Right, now...

Pick a card, any card.

And then when you've picked it, put it back in the deck.

And now shuffle, shuffle the deck, that's it.

Think about your card, now really concentrate.

Right, eh, it's black.

No, no, no... It's red.

It's a...

It's diamonds!

No hold on, it's hearts.

Definitely. Be still my beating heart.

It's a low one...

It's the four of hearts.

Ha-ha-ha! Totally wrong.

Damn it! That's never happened to me before.

That wasn't there - how did you do that?!

Ha-ha! Thanks for the drinks, boys. Most generous of you all.

Day drinking?

What are you, my wife?

No, no. I'm just handing out flyers for this gig tonight.

Can I give you some for the Oyster?

Sure. No worries.

You should come along. Cheer yourself up.

Some great new bands on. Bring Annie.

I might do that, yeah.

You putting on a gig tonight?

Oh. This is Pete. He has, er, connections.

-Angus. How are you doing?

-Got room for another act?

I'm all sorted, thanks.

Cut to the chase, son.

I'd be doing you a favour.

I've been in the business nearly 40 years.

And, eh, what business would that be?

Would you listen to this guy? A comedian!

Well, what exactly is it you do?

You name it. Stand-up, magic.

Singing is my bread and butter, though.

# Start spreading the news

# I'm leaving today... #

Sinatra's not really what I'm after.

Well, I can do all the greats.

Johnny Cash, Bobby Darin, Roy Orbison...

I was thinking more The Orb than Orbison.

# In dreams I'll walk with you

# In dreams I'll talk with you... #

Sounds...cool.

But of course, there is only one King.

MUSIC PLAYS

-Hello?

-Hi.

No, I didn't mean hello. I meant, where the hell have you been?

-Running.

-Well, you've missed two personal training sessions.

-Sorry.

-Scarlett's been in looking for you, too.

I think she's still upset about what happened.

-I don't care.

-It's her way of showing she cares.

It's her way of showing that I should be grateful.

MUSIC BLARES

Patrick...

Patrick!

MUSIC STOPS

If this carries on, I'm going to have to let you go.

What do you mean?

Two missed sessions costs me 40 quid.

I can't accept that from my staff.

So, is that what I am? Staff?

I don't know. I don't know what you are.

I don't know what WE are.

What is going on?

Nothing.

Something happened with Alasdair. He looked terrified this morning.

-You went crazy.

-Well, that'll be it - obviously, I'm crazy.

You need help. Professional help.

I can't cope with this on my own. I don't think you can either.

Oh, there you go again - running away! You can't run for ever.

What do you want from me, Angel? Do you want me to go?

I just know I can't carry on like this.

Fire me, then!

I could fill this place seven nights a week.

I dare say you could, but I'm not the person you'd need to speak to.

Who is?

That would be me.

Sorry, what was your name?

Here is my card.

Wakes. Masonics. Barmitzvahs - you name it, I'll do it.

-Galloway?

-Once heard, never forgotten.

Gary, this guy's great - give him a gig.

He made me smile - and that's not an easy task these days.

I'm just going to play some pool.

-Thank you.

-Thanks.

See you tonight!

So, tell me, what kind of music are you into?

Country and western, right?

Aye, Tammy Wynette, Patsy Cline.

Anything with a nice tune you can have a good greet to.

That all sounds very nice, but could I interest you in something a little more modern?

Oh, indie music? Naw? You kidding?

You're never too old to get young, Scarlett.

Are you calling me old?

I'm calling you out of date, that's all.

And I'm calling you a cheeky wee...

Hey, sisters! How's things?

-We're on top of the world!

-Speak for yourself.

So why don't you come to the pop-up club tonight? You never know.

You never know what?

You've a lovely face...

I mean, you could drop a dress size - couldn't we all? -

but you could be beating the men off.

I'm watching you, doll. You're a guest here, you need to mind your manners.

You are lecturing me on manners?!

You need to put a muzzle on her!

I'm just trying to do my job here.

I appreciate that, but you need to be aware of people's sensibilities.

Oh, I see, so it's my fault?

Cassie... Cassie...wait.

-Cheeky cow. She needs a right telling.

-Forget it, Caitlin.

Robbie, this woman needs a drink.

Sure, doll. What can I get you?

Two voddies and Cokes. Why's this place jumping so early?

Oh, we've been getting entertained royally.

Oh, aye? By who?

CHEERING

There she is.

What the...

The woman that ruined me for all the others.

-What are you doing here?

-I want to see my son.

Over my dead body!

-Sweetheart....

-Don't you "sweetheart" me!

-Back off, Pete.

-Pete?

That's it.

Pete Galloway!

Look, babe, I know we've had our ups and downs,

but I want to put things right.

Get out of here! GET OUT!

-Caitlin, calm down!

-I'll calm down when he's in a box!

-Caitlin!

-Come on, sweetheart, be reasonable.

Right, Caitlin, out!

Stay away from my family! I'm warning you!

Stay away from us!

She'll come round.

Excuse me, are you mental?

Why are you here, Pete?

To see my family.

Wait a minute. You're her first one, aren't you?

I think it might be a good idea if you let things calm down first.

You don't know much about women, do you, pal? With respect.

Do you mind?

A woman needs to think she's the most important thing in the world.

Is this before or after she glasses you?

Nothing wrong with a bit of passion, mate. Could have been worse.

She could have ignored me.

Let me give you a bit of advice, Pete.

Here we go. The gay absent dad lectures me on fatherhood.

Just once, please try and imagine a world

that doesn't revolve around you!

Is that the best you've got?

You sound like Copernicus arguing with the Pope.

Hey, have you heard the one about the Catholic Jew?

HE LAUGHS

-I can't help you, Pete.

-Any chance of a pint on the slate?

Out!

Thank you. Good night, you've been a lovely audience.

No school today, darling?

Ha-ha, I wish!

That looks good. Were you thinking about going?

If she is going, it'll be with me, all right?

I'll be back in about an hour, Scarlett.

-I think I've upset your da.

-Don't let him hear you say that!

You're not going to ruin my day and tell me he's your man, are you?

-I'm afraid so.

-Scarlett, eh? I'm the only man over 16

and under 60 who's around to show you a good time.

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!

-Stop it.

-Scarlett, why are all the good ones always taken, eh?

Look, all I'm saying is, you need to modify your marketing technique.

Why can't Brits just ever say what they mean?

It's just the way we are.

I'm sick of it.

And I'm sick of having to take the fall for the behaviour of my "wife".

This wasn't part of the plan.

Yeah, well, maybe it was a stupid plan to begin with.

I never should have thought I'd be accepted here at all.

They treat me like a foreigner.

I thought this would be fun.

Well, it's not much fun for me, being here on the Fourth of July,

handing out flyers for your indie night.

4th of July?

Yeah! The Fourth of July!

It's not your birthday, is it?

Independence Day!

Oh, right.

So, is that...

..is that, like, important?

Unbelievable.

This country!

What's wrong?

I don't know. I guess I'm just homesick, or something.

Oh, no. No, please don't cry. It's bad enough being married.

I can't cope with the emotional stuff as well.

Do you know what I would be doing if I were home?

Saving the planet from an alien invasion?

With a wee bit of help from Will Smith, obviously.

Sorry.

I would be partying.

Cheeseburgers, hot dogs, that kind of thing,

with a ton of beer to wash it down.

Instead, I'm here with, like, a bunch of over-sensitive Brits

and a fake husband who doesn't even understand me.

Well, why don't we just bring America here?

What are you talking about?

-Trust me.

-Angus, talk to me.

Angus!

I can't get involved between you and Patrick.

Do you know how badly this could end?

I'm scared for him. For me!

So what do you want me to do about it?

Help me. I know you know what's going on with him.

Is he bipolar? Is he schizophrenic?

-No.

-Then what? Why won't you tell me?

Cos it's not my place to!

What isn't?

I don't know, Angel. You'll have to ask him yourself.

I've tried. He won't talk.

-I don't know what you want me to say!

-The truth.

I can't do this, right? I can't!

-What do you mean? Why can't you?

-Because I cannae, all right?

Bob...

Look gonnae just leave me alone?

Angel, I'm sorry, but...

Did I not make myself clear?

No, no. I'm not stopping.

I just wanted to leave this for Drew. You can give it to him for his birthday or something.

-What are you on?

-You don't have to say it's from me.

I just want him to have something that belonged to me.

Just go, will you? Please. And take your clapped-out guitar with you.

-I've changed, you know.

-Changed, my bahoochie!

The first thing you did when you got here was head for that pub.

Dutch courage. This is a big thing for me.

It's too little, too late, Pete.

Then why did you come and see me in Birmingham?

Because I was desperate.

I went down to there to plead with you on my knees for help. We needed you!

Well, good.

But what did you do?

Got drunk and ended up lying in the gutter in your own mess.

I'd had a difficult day.

-You were unconscious!

-I'm A-1 now and I need to know my boy!

You "need"? That's typical.

That boy's been through enough recently without you messing with his head.

Do the right thing for once in your life and leave us in peace.

It wasn't like that in the old days. We had some great times.

The music, the gigs, the laughs...

The tears? Are you forgetting what you did to that boy?

Disappeared with him strapped into a car seat!

Left him in there for two days! Anything could've happened to him!

Aye, but it didn't.

Pete, you left him there!

An 18-month-old in a car in the woods?! He was dehydrated!

Speaking of dehydration, a wee cup of tea wouldn't go amiss!

-He nearly died!

-OK, OK!

And we thought you'd gone off the Erskine Bridge.

We never heard from you for five years.

-I sent a postcard from Nashville.

-Just go, will you? Go!

Or so help me, I'll throw something bigger at you. Go!

What's going on?

-Is this him?

-Get in. Get in!

How was football practice?

Good. What did he mean by, "Is this him"?

I don't know, I must have been talking about you.

Who is he, then?

Why will you not tell me?

He's just some guy I met a while back.

He keeps asking me out even though I've told him I'm not interested.

He'll no take no for an answer, right?

You must be starving after practice.

How about beans and sausage?

You've got to be kidding!

Can you do Elvis?

# A little less conversation A little more action, please... #

I've been looking for you.

Well, you found me now.

We need to talk.

-Oh, aye? What about?

-You know what about.

Are you my counsellor now? My social worker?

You can't tell me something like this

and then expect everything to carry on as normal.

Oh, I'm sorry. Am I meant to act differently now?

Wear a "damaged goods" sign round my neck? Would that help?

You've got to do something about this, Patrick. Speak to somebody.

I did - you! I'm beginning to regret it.

No, somebody professional. A psychologist or something.

You sound like Angel.

She's only worried about you. She doesn't know what to think.

Have you spoken to her?

She came into the garage. The lassie's worried sick about you.

-You didn't tell her anything, did you?

-No, I didn't tell her nothing.

Please, let us get help for you.

Cos you need it, mate.

What is this? Am I the family freak now?

You going to bundle me into some loony bin?

Of course not. We just care about you.

Who's "we"?

My ma, me - the family.

Some family.

-I know you don't mean that.

-Do I not, no?

Independence Day at the pop-up club. Take a flyer, ma'am.

Independence Day at the pop-up club. Take a flyer, ma'am, thank you.

You'll enjoy it. Independence Day at the pop-up, sir... Sir!

I've been looking for you.

Oh?

Want one?

You're, uh, Caitlin's boy?

Hm? Drew, isn't it?

I was talking to your mother earlier.

You're my da, aren't you?

Who does your mother say I am?

Are you?

I am.

Hey, hey....

So, marks out of ten?

My maw said you looked like Sean Connery.

-AS CONNERY:

-Surely you see the resemblance?

I've got a photo.

Good God. Tache is good, though, don't you think?

What say you and me get to know each other, eh?

-How?

-A picnic.

I'm starving.

-You got any money?

-A wee bit.

Come on, then.

Quality time.

Mano a mano...

I knew it was you as soon as you opened your mouth.

Oh, aye, how's that?

Cos my maw says you're full of bull.

Bring your arms over your head, interlocking all ten fingers.

And release the index fingers...

Now we're going to move to the right and left,

-just loosening up the body.

-I want a word with you.

-I'm in the middle of a class.

-I'm not blind.

Sorry, could you excuse me for one minute?

Just lie down and shavasana - meditate.

-What do you want?

-Did you talk to Bob about me?

-So what if I did?

-Don't EVER do that again.

Why? Scared I'll actually find something out?

-What did he say?

-Nothing.

Just like you.

Like I don't even matter.

Please...

You can talk to me about anything, I won't judge,

I won't tell anyone.

There's nothing to tell.

If you would just open up to me, I could help...

Why would telling you help?

Because that is what girlfriends do.

We are supposed to be in this together.

Why do I need to tell you everything?

What if I don't want you "in this"?

Then if you can't open up to me, what is the point in "us"?

So if I don't tell you, that's us?

I just...

I can't take this any more, Patrick. It's too much.

Maybe you're right - maybe there is no point in us.

So, have you got a girlfriend?

-I think so.

-Well, you either have or you haven't.

Her name's Jules.

Very good. Where's she from?

Bearsden.

Oh! Classy!

What sort of music do you like?

-I like all sorts...

-Perfect.

Rites Of Spring, rap.

Old indie too - The Smiths...

The Smiths? Don't talk to me about The Smiths...

Johnny Marr borrowed a capo from me once - I never got it back.

I quite like blues and jazz...

And see that Morrissey?

He still owes me 50 quid for a mic stand.

Did your mother tell you that I met her at one of my concerts?

December 1999.

She was a stunner back then.

I told her she looked like Carol Decker.

Who?

Forget it.

I saw Alex Kapranos from the bus once.

Who?

Forget it.

Know Tom Jones? Good pal of mine.

Slept on his couch many a night.

Did you really?

Eat your crisps.

Surely just one day wouldn't have done any harm.

He's been doing that boy harm his entire life.

Well, he says he's changed.

Men like Pete never change.

Ellie, look me in the eye and remember this.

If there's one lesson in life you need to learn, it's that.

They never, ever change.

Come on.

Guess who else is on?

Yours truly.

Really?

Yeah, Angus heard I was in town. He begged me.

And I owe it to my audience.

Teach these youngsters a thing or two.

Standing at the mic, staring at their shoes.

Look like they'd rather be somewhere else!

Maybe their lyrics are more important than their act...

-I write lyrics.

-No way?

My boy, the songwriter.

Ach, they could be lyrics... might be poems.

Never mind the Moon In June, son.

It's either a song or it's not, know what I mean?

The minute you write a lyric, you know which chords to play.

It's sort of...divine intervention.

So, are you going to come along and see your old man in action tonight?

-I don't know.

-Come on. What do you say?

Aye, OK, then.

Good man!

I think that deserves a drink, don't you?

You couldn't stay away, could you?

Get off me! I'm staying here.

-Move! I'm not going to tell you again.

-You lied to me again.

-I don't have to do anything you say!

-It's for your own good, believe you me.

At least you could be honest with the kid, Caitlin.

Aye. I'll give you honesty.

Hang about with this washed-up loser and you'll end up...

You'll end up really hurting yourself.

What does that mean?

While you were away gathering no moss,

the wean you abandoned was going through hell.

-Now, wait a minute.

-It had nothing to do with him!

You should be glad I never told him the truth.

Listen, son, maybe you should go with your mum.

I hate you.

I really HATE you.

Are you pleased with yourself?

Me? ME?!

What have I done wrong?

Setting a boy against his father.

You make me SICK!

-Give me some hope.

-Well, can you blame her?

-What have I done?

-What have you NOT done?

The boy needs me in his life -

you know he does - maybe you could speak to her?

She might listen to you.

I'll try.

-Thanks, Doll!

-I'm not doing it for you, Pete.

I'm doing it for Drew, all right?

Over my dead body.

-I'm going to see him. You can't stop me!

-Yes, I can!

No. You can't! You can't. I'm 16.

I can do what I want, I could move out if I wanted.

-Well, do it, then!

-No wonder he left you!

No wonder they ALL leave you.

I didn't deserve that.

I'm not saying I'm perfect,

but I've always done the best I could for my kids.

-You can't stop him going.

-Whose side are you on?

I'm on Drew's side. A boy needs a father.

He needs a father, not a feckless, lying, cheating drunk.

Well, he's the only one he's got.

He knows Pete's his dad now, so if you try and keep them apart,

you're just going to make things worse.

It's all right saying that, Ellie, but if Pete lets him down...

WHEN Pete lets him down,

I'm the one that has to pick up the pieces.

Why don't you just...cross that bridge when you come to it?

I've been hurt too many times.

Well, what about a compromise?

Let him go to the pop-up, but only if you're there too.

I'd rather stick needles in my eyes than sit through another one of his shows.

Drew needs you there. For him.

I'll come too, if you want. I'll be there for YOU.

Did you not used to say that was mindless trash

that objectified women?

I thought I better try before I judge. New motto.

Where are you off to?

I'm taking some hot dogs over to the pop-up.

Might stop a while. You up for it?

No, I'd have to get showered and changed. I can't be bothered.

I don't mind waiting.

I'm pretty tired.

You used to enjoy watching a band.

Well, now I'd rather stay in and read my book.

Is that OK?

Well, I can't bind you with a cable tie and force you to come along.

Unless that's changed as well?

No, I still wouldn't like that.

Well, if any of your other preferences change, do let me know.

MUSIC: Take It Easy by The Eagles

# Don't even try to understand

# Just find a place to make your stand

# And take it easy

# Well, I'm a standing on a corner in Winslow, Arizona

# And such a fine sight to see... #

MUSIC FADES

SHE GIGGLES

Watch your step here.

That's it.

Now just...

Here.

-OK.

-Keep your eyes closed.

-Mm-hm.

-Are you ready?

-Yeah.

Open them now.

Happy Fourth of July!

You did all this for me?

Well, I had a bit of help.

Aye. He phoned up Will Smith.

See you later, alligator.

No-one's ever done anything like this for me before.

I've never even had a party thrown for me!

# Tell me why

# Oh, why

# Oh, why can't my dream come true? #

What is it?

Nothing.

Better left unsaid...

Listen, can you take over? I've got something I need to do.

OK!

Hey... Um...

I just wanted to apologise for what I said earlier.

It's the least of our worries, hen!

Honestly, I did not mean it the way it came out.

I've heard worse.

Sometimes I'm a little too blunt for folk around here.

-You can say that again.

-Er, it takes one to know one.

Apology accepted.

Thanks.

Is that it?

-You not going to offer to buy us a drink?

-You're a pure brass neck!

No, she's right. What can I get you?

BOTH: Voddy and coke.

# We're gonna rock around the clock tonight

# Put your glad rags on and join me, hon... #

AMIABLE BANTER

MUSIC AND CHATTER

Oh, no!

LAUGHTER

Hup! Hup!

Don't be surprised if he doesn't show up, son.

He'll be here!

Course he will.

Ladies and gentlemen -

all the way from Tupelo, Mississippi

by way of Las Vegas,

please welcome - the man with the plan - the King of Rock and Roll...

Mr Elvis Aaron Presley!

Thank you very much, thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.

I'd like to dedicate this first number to

Ms Caitlin McLean...

MUSIC INTRO

# We're caught in a trap

# Who-ooh-ooh

# We can't walk out

# Because I love you too much, baby

# Why can't you see

# Whoa-oh-oh

# What you're doing to me

# When you don't believe a word a say?

# We can't go on together

# With suspicious minds. #

# It's now or never

# My love won't wait

# It's now or never

# My love won't wait

# Now or never - my love won't wait! #

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Ladies and gentleman, this, uh...

This is my last song of the night here.

-ALL:

-Aww!

I'd like to dedicate it to my son, Drew,

who's in the audience tonight...

That's Drew.

# And I love you so

# The people ask me how

# How I've lived till now

# I tell them I don't know

# I guess they'll understand

# How lonely life has been

# But life began again

# The day you took my hand

# And, yes, I know

# How lonely life has been

# But shadows follow me

# And the night won't set me free

# But I, I won't let

# The evening get me down

# Now that you're around

# Me. #

Oh, yeah, Drew.

APPLAUSE

Ooh-ooh!

See you left your dad at home, then, eh?

I thought Elvis might be his thing.

It would be if he wasn't working.

And I'm not hanging up my dancing shoes just yet!

-Nailed it, bro - I mean, totally nailed it.

-Thank you very much!

-Hey, Pete - there's your fee.

-Oh, brilliant.

I told you I'd do the business for you. So, what do you think,

make it a regular thing?

Let me think about it.

Don't take too long, now - I might get a better offer.

Stick that behind the bar.

Hey, girls - does Cinderella know you're out tonight?

Mum... Could Pete stay the night?

Could sleep on the sofa.

It's up to him.

Right, girls - let's party like it's 1999!

-Mum said you could stay at ours if you want.

-It's a kind offer, but...

I've got a hotel.

Besides...

The night is young!

Tell you what, there's a match at Thistle tomorrow - just a friendly.

-Fancy going?

-OK.

He's got a hotel booked,

but he's going to take me to football tomorrow.

Is that right? Very good.

-Right, we'd better get going.

-Come on, then.

See you later, Dad.

So, what did you think of the show?

What a fantastic night!

I was pure greeting when he brought that wee boy up on stage...

-Oh, hullo, stranger. Jimmy no' home yet?

-I don't know.

It's good to see you.

I was beginning to think you'd abandoned us.

We've got some birthday cake left.

-Have you seen my phone charger?

-It'll be wherever you left it.

That's good. That's really helpful.

-Cheers.

-Oh, I see your mood's improved.

Here, you'll never guess who the turn was.

-You're right. I'll never guess.

-Young Drew's father.

He invited the wee boy up on stage and he dedicated a wee song to him.

I'm telling you, it would've brought a tear to a glass eye.

I'm not interested.

I'm just saying...

Aye, and I'm just saying I'm not interested in your stupid wee stories!

Patrick, do you know what? Why don't you just get out?

-What's this?

-I'm off.

I've had it with people round here telling me what to think, do...

-Maybe we're done with you and all.

-Scarlett, please.

-Yeah? Well, don't worry - I'm going.

-Don't come crawling back.

Why would I? I know you don't care...

Oh, I care, all right. Too much - that's my problem!

You didn't care when I was young, and you don't care now.

-Oh, just get out!

-What was that about? What did you say to him?

I never said anything to him.

Nothing! I cannae get anything right!

THEY SING DRUNKENLY

-Hound dog!

-I was going to do that!

# Because I love you too much, baby

# Why can't you see What you're doing to me

# When you don't believe a word I say?

# We can't go on together

# With suspicious minds

# We can't build our dream on suspicious minds... #

Right, then, Elvis - this is me.

OK, OK...

-You all right now?

-Aye, aye... I've got the Hilton.

Executive suite. Got an upgrade.

Can I just say something?

No, no, no - can I just say...

-I love you!

-I love you!

-Right, best, uh...

-Aye.

Lovely. Lovely.

-Wahey!

-See you!

Why are you sleeping in your motor?

Erm...a flat. I didn't make it to the hotel.

I can fix that for you.

Oh... That'd be great.

Don't want you walking to the match, do we?

Is that the local paper?

Let me look.

Angus said there'd be a review of the gig last night.

Scarlett...

Have you seen Patrick this morning?

I thought he was with you. He stormed out last night.

I'm worried sick.

He'll be fine.

Oh, will he?

Shut it, Jimmy. Don't you worry, hen.

Are you sure?

He just needs time to get whatever's bothering him out of his system.

If you hear from him, can you get him to call me, please?

Aye, and if you see him first, gonnae tell him to call me?

I will. Thanks, Scarlett.

'..If Elvis wasn't already dead,

"he would surely be wishing he was after witnessing this.'

What the hell do they know?

-Shall I put it on now, then?

-Aye.

Oh, and my ma says, what do you want for breakfast,

-boiled or scrambled?

-Both.

LIGHT KNOCK

HE GROANS

What time did you get in?

Late...early. I don't know.

It was gone one by the time I went to bed -

it must have been some time after that.

I'll take your word for that.

Where did you go?

Who were you with all that time?

Elvis.

-Elvis?

-Yeah!

We were caught in a trap.

How was your night in? I can guess who you were with.

Christian Grey.

Very funny...

# There must be lights burning brighter

# Somewhere

# Got to be birds flying higher

# In a sky more blue

# If I can dream of a better land

# Where all my brothers walk hand in hand

# Tell me why, oh, why

# Oh, why can't my dream come true?

# Oh, why?

# There must be peace and understanding

# Sometime. #

His car isn't there, son.

He'll not have gone far.

Maybe he went for petrol, or something.

# If I can dream of a warmer sun

# Where hope keeps shining on everyone

# Tell me why, oh, why... #

Maybe that's what's happened, right enough.

-It's me and Bob.

-You and Bob? What's wrong?

It's got a bit messy. Now I think he's dead keen.

So make a choice, and to hell with the wagging tongues.

You don't love Bob, but he'll pay the bills, eh?

Put a roof over your head.

You're going to be a great role model for your wee girl.

I want you. But what do you want?

And there was me hoping we'd seen the last of you.

He's teaching me to play guitar.

You don't want to end up miserable and twisted like the rest of them.

Who needs the real world?

So what if it's a dream?

You've gotta dream to live the dream.

We're adults, you want to be with me.

Let's tell them - there'll never be a good time.

-Don't make me choose.

-One of us has to.

Amber, Lenny, what you see is what you get, but Alex...

Now there is one manipulative, ruthless psycho.

-AJ!

-You just need to be careful

what you say when you next open your mouth, pal.

Or what? I'll be up to my neck in cement?