02/05/2017 River City

What are you doing sniffing around here all of a sudden?

I've got myself into a bit of debt with the wrong people.

He's using wee Charlotte as some kind of bargaining chip.

You won't be seeing Charlotte again, unless you keep on paying.

-You can't let him get away with this.

-I don't intend to.

-Take a tablet.

-I'm all out of the strong stuff.

Look, I wouldn't be asking if I wasn't desperate.

-Well, who's lying?

-You, and my dad. You slept with him.

What about Mum? Are you going to tell her or should I?

-Celebrating something?

-Caitlin's going back to college.

-BOTH:

-Cheers.

Caitlin.

Caitlin!

SHE SHOUTS: CAITLIN!

-Oxymoron!

-What, who's a moron?

What time is it?

Why are you not ready for school?

You didn't wake me.

Passed out in your clothes again?

I'm telling you - those box sets are going to be the death of you.

It's not because of the box sets. It's because she was...

-Ruby, move!

-No milk, no butter.

-Feel free to buy some.

-We're out of toothpaste.

Well, I'm not running a flipping B&B!

No milk, no toiletries.

I'm telling you, if this was a B&B, I wouldn't be paying.

Well, you can sign the visitors book on your way out!

-Why don't you just tell her?

-What?

About your exam? She might actually be supportive.

What's my exam got to do with anything?

-You're clearly stressed out your box.

-No, I'm not.

-SHE SHOUTS:

-Ruby, move yourself!

-SHE SHOUTS:

-Move!

-You're going to do the school run, right?

-Uh-huh.

Maggie, supportive? Aye, right.

-No.

-Hear me out.

-I said no.

It would be fast, it would be quick.

There's plenty manholes a boy could fall down in Glasgow.

-Nobody would miss him.

-Fraser's Charlotte's father!

He's a waste of oxygen! Better putting him out of his misery.

This is exactly the kind of thing I was protecting her from.

See, what kind of guy is he?

Treating a wee lassie like that, crawling for money?

-At least we've got some standards.

-Do we?

Maybe we need to reassess our standards

while you're talking about taking another man's life.

Yeah? Define "man."

There is another way, you know. One that's humane,

and decent, and legal.

That's the sort of life I want for YOUR granddaughter.

MACHINE BEEPS

-Hey!

-Hey.

So, a little fashion advice...

This jacket? Is it a statement piece or a total state?

Pardon?

The jacket that I want - it's on sale.

Designer knock-off, but it's a little out of my budget.

I'm sorry, what, are you asking me to buy you a jacket?

No, not buy, just contribute.

I've got 35 quid, I just need the other 60.

£60?!

Look, Frankie, I don't have time for this.

-I need to get to...

-Where?

What could possibly be more important

than bonding with your niece?

Hey, we could go shopping together. You know, little girlie day.

Bring Mum?

I'm not interested in your games.

Games? Right, you're accusing me of playing games?

Well, I guess it takes a player to know one.

I'm running late.

"Punctuality is..."

-Aye, all right.

-"..the politeness of..."

Right, "kings," Alasdair, I get it.

But kings don't have to work the late shift in a bar

and then come home and swot up on Edwin-flipping-Morgan

and find swimming kits, and shampoo, and then make

packed lunches while their weans moan the face off them.

I'm sensing you're somewhat discombobulated.

Is that a real word or a made-up one?

OK, now, we need to calm you down.

Let's look at your last assignment and then recalibrate.

And deep breaths.

H2O.

You sure party hard for someone your age.

30s are the new 20s, I'll have you know.

Says who?

You know... They... People.

The ones that make up the rules of life.

You're still drunk.

Be a wee angel and go and get me a real coffee, would you?

Hmm. I guess I am pretty angelic.

That's three coffees this week,

so you probably owe me at least a cooked breakfast.

At the weekend.

-Full Scottish, no tomatoes.

-Deal.

The courts are looking at what's best for Charlotte.

I'm best.

Awarding interim residency to Fraser might just seem like

the least upheaval, given the circumstances.

I should have known. With my record.

I mean, a man who tries to sell his own daughter is preferable to a...

..a murderess.

Yeah, pretty chilling word that, isn't it?

Mur-der-ess.

Would you give your child to one?

Right, well, you have to stop saying that, for a start.

You have to convince them that you're a young mother.

A victim of circumstance.

Nah, we need a Plan B.

I need to...do something...

Like what?

What you need to do now is present an image of a straight-laced

-and well-adjusted....

-Normal person.

Normal? As in...

As in "not Murdoch."

HE MURMURS TO SELF

-Where did you learn the word "elicits?"

-How? Is it wrong?

No, no, no, it's spot on.

Well...

..it's very good.

It looks as if it was written on toilet paper, but...

I was in a rush.

Your folio is strong, your analysis honed,

your months of slog behind you.

You are set. So, let's talk technique.

Now, take your time,

don't plough on before you've fully understood the questions.

-You'll be surprised what nerves can do.

-Aye.

I still worry I'm going to freeze and forget how to write my own name.

You know that, "Turn over your papers," the silence,

it pure gives me the dry boak.

-Some folk seem sort of...

-So confident?

This is a test of aptitude, not bravado.

-You've done the hard graft.

-Aye.

Success is 90% preparation

and only 10% perspiration.

I'm definitely 50/50.

Anyways, I've still got 24 hours.

No, Caitlin, you have got five hours and...

-well, 30 minutes to be precise...

-What?

-..until the examination.

-It's today?!

-Uh-huh.

"Custodies in caput."

-That's Latin for keep the heid.

-Aye, whatever! See yourself out!

Don't want to hear it.

Lost keys? Broken alarm? UFO abduction?

-No, I...

-Save it.

We have an adjudicator visiting today

-from Scotland's Community Pub of the Year awards.

-Today?

The Tall Ship has form here.

I want everything running like clockwork. No excuses!

We are not dropping the ball, not on my shift.

Watch. That floor's just been double mopped.

-I cannae stay. I need to go.

-Go? You just got here.

I'll need to get a hold of somebody to cover.

Surprise! I'll do it.

What...? Why are you not at school?!

-In-service day.

-You having a laugh?

You know, when the school's open, but you don't need to go in.

Why didn't you mention that earlier? Oh, do you know what, never mind.

Get out from behind that bar!

Don't take it out on Ruby just cos you've lost the plot.

Crabbit. See, that's what happens when you stay up all night

watching Breaking Bad.

Robbie, pick up your phone.

-It's cos of her exam. She's always stressed.

-Ruby!

Exam? This is what this is all about? That thing at college.

It's not just a thing... Oh, hi, Robbie, it's...

Oh, stupid answer machine!

See, nobody bothers if you take up a hobby as long as it

-doesn't interfere with your life.

-Ellie, pick up, come on!

You should take up Zumba, like a normal person.

I don't want to take up Zumba.

Ruby, don't touch that...

GLASS SHATTERS

Sorry, I'm just leaving. Annie had to head back to work.

Nah, you're fine. I'm not due at the club for hours yet.

So, how'd it go?

I take it the court order didn't go your way.

They're never going to let me near her.

You'd let Lenny do it, right?

From the sounds of this Fraser guy, I'd probably do it myself.

-I didn't know.

-What?

All these years she was with him, I...

..I didn't know what he was.

And now he's got his hooks into her for keeps.

How could I have ever loved someone like that?

Well...

there's no point in being sentimental. He's an obstacle.

The way I see it, you've got three choices -

you fight him in court,

you pay him off,

or you remove him from the equation.

PHONE RINGS

I've a feeling I've accidently chucked them doing my spring clean.

Perdaminol, 50mg?

When I get my Marigolds on, I'm like a whirling dervish.

Kim and Aggie, eat your heart out.

-Two weeks' supply?

-Yeah.

Robbie, I can't give you any more of these until the course is finished.

They are highly addictive.

Oh, really?

And they have to be prescribed sparingly

and used according to the instructions.

My back's killing me.

If these are used incorrectly, if they are overused or abused...

Abused? I'm not scoffing them like pick n' mix!

Are you trying to suggest that I'm taking them for a laugh?

My back is done in! I can't even tie my shoelaces!

But you can manage a lively spring clean?

I can give you something else. Non-opioids.

They'll never be strong enough.

It's up to you.

And if you find that you need the Perdaminol for something other

than your back, then you have to come back and see me...

..because that's something we do have to discuss.

"Shakespeare uses pa-the-tic..."

"Pathetic fallacy..." Pathetic what? What's that?

Alasdair never taught me that one. Ruby, look it up.

I just don't see what's the point.

-What the point is.

-What?

"What the point is" is the correct way of saying it.

I know the correct way of saying it.

All I'm saying is you've got a perfectly good job

that puts food on the table, why waste your time going backwards?

Yeah, you don't need exams to work in a bar, Mum.

Is that what you think?

I work in a bar, so I might as well stay ignorant?

-I'm just saying.

-I'll tell you what,

there's a huge pile of cutlery there that needs polishing,

you've got two choices -

you can either keep helping me and maybe learn something

-or go and get a cloth?

-Fine.

I'm sick of your stupid exams.

I need five.

This roller's not pinned in right. It's shoogly.

-Look. Shoogle, shoogle.

-Stop that!

I've been under here rather a long time, Robbie.

I'm beginning to feel a bit itchy.

-What's the matter with you the day? You not feeling well?

-I'm fine.

I think someone has been out on the randan.

Booze! That's what I can smell. I was thinking it was new toner.

Will you two cut it out? I'm not in the mood.

You better pull yourself together.

We want to leave here looking like Vera Lynn, not Shakespeares Sister!

Vera Lynn. She's just released an album - no stopping that one.

# If the sun should tumble from the sky

# Or the sea should suddenly run dry

# If you love me, really love me

# Let it happen, I don't care... #

I can't take you two today.

# La, la, la, la, la, la. #

-HE SHOUTS: Right, pack it in! My ears are bleeding!

-Ooh!

Oh, is that hurting your head, son?

You know, you'll need to cut down on all this partying at your age.

Or you'll end up like...thingmy, whatshisname...? You know...

"Let's go outside."

Ouch!

You just stabbed me in the heid!

-George was 53!

-Aye, gone too soon.

And you will be and all, if you're not careful.

Yes, life takes it's toll after 30.

If you can't stand the heat, stay out the kitchen, that's what I say.

Thanks.

I want my money's worth. Hangover or no hangover.

And if I don't like it, I will not be paying.

You don't pay me enough to put up with your caterwauling anyway.

-Oh, charming.

-What's happened to "the customer's always right?"

You are always right! A right pain in the behind!

# If the sun should tumble from the sky... #

HE SHOUTS: Right, that's it!

-Where are you going?

-Home for a lie down.

-You cannae leave us like this!

-Just watch me.

Robbie, answer your damn phone, come on.

OK, doll?

Not now, Pete.

All right.

What is that?

What, my shirt? That was the question.

How do you get soy sauce out of cotton?

-Why are you wearing it like that?

-It's my lucky shirt.

Why are you wearing your lucky shirt?

-My happy one's in the wash.

-Take it off.

Not now. Go home and take it off, I'll fix it later.

-Really?

-Aye, I've got three weans. Four, counting you.

-I know how to get soy sauce out of shirts.

-You're a star.

-All I'm good for, apparently.

-You'll be grand.

What are you talking about? Who told you?

Maggie might have...

Maggie. Shooting her big mouth off. Save it, right.

I know I'm not exactly the academic type,

and I'm spreading myself too thin...

Whoa, whoa, whoa! I think it's fantastic.

Really?

You're the smartest person I know.

-Why do you think I come to you?

-Aye, well,

getting soy sauce out of shirts

and close text analysis aren't exactly the same thing.

Caitlin...

Might as well take my clothes off and make it a full-blown nightmare.

-What?

-Nothing. What is it?

The bar is unmanned.

Perhaps you could bother yourself to bring up the barrels,

empty the slop trays.

We are going for Pub of the Year not Midden of the Month.

Aye. It's always nice to be appreciated.

Robbie, look at this jacket Frankie wants.

Hot to trot or fashion suicide?

-Not right now. I'm away to lie down in a darkened room.

-What's up?

Well, I'm in immense pain for starters, and my doctor,

your aunt, has deemed it inappropriate to treat me.

What, Annie?

I have paid my taxes for years

and she's treating me like a common junkie.

What, she won't prescribe you anything?

She won't sign off on my repeat.

Maybe she's worried about you mixing drugs with alcohol.

Who are you, my mother?

You know, that sucks. I could speak to her for you, if you like?

I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding.

I don't think so. I've been humiliated enough as it is.

Yeah, but I'm her favourite niece.

We've got a very special relationship.

No offence, but I don't think appealing to Dr Annie's

sentimental side is ever going to work.

Yeah, that wasn't what I had in mind.

This might just be a job to you, Caitlin,

but I take the opinion of our patrons very seriously.

Customer satisfaction is paramount.

Right. Sorry. I'll do her another one.

-Suzie, I can't stay the day.

-Pardon?

Well, something's come up. I've called Robbie and...

-Am I hearing what I think I'm hearing?

-I can't...

That's Ruby wittering on about going up the town with her pals.

-Ruby?

-Aye, she's out the back.

Work experience.

Let me get this straight.

You have come in late, with your child in tow.

Given sloppy service, left the bar unattended,

and now you are telling me that on the day when we have a member of

the Pub and Bar Association coming to judge our performance

-that you are unable to do your shift at all?

-Aye.

I know I'm not going to get employee of the month.

-Caitlin...

-She's got this test at college

and she's just getting her knickers in a knot.

-It's not just a test...

-I am all for adult education,

and far be it from me to curtail anyone's personal ambitions,

however whimsical, but you need to manage your time better

-for the sake of your job and your family.

-That's what I said.

Thanks. I'll remember that. Look, I know I've messed up,

so can I go?

I am having lunch with Brian from the Association,

I'll be back at 1pm.

Well, perhaps I can take over then. Will that help?

Aye, it would. Thanks.

I need this place to look immaculate,

customers smiling, and the marketing display up.

Of course.

And, Caitlin, if you want to continue working here,

I need you to commit to doing a much better job.

Sorry we cannae do something more fun today.

Not my fault you forgot in-service day.

Well, you should have gave me the letter, Ruby. You're not five.

Right, that's me away.

Can you not mind Ruby for a bit?

Ellie's away to physio with Greig...

I don't need minding, I'm not a baby.

-Oh, forget it.

-I'm not saying no. I've just... I've got bits to do.

Oh, aye, you better check your hectic schedule.

You're not the only one with commitments.

Can I not just go into town?

Can you not take her for a few hours?

Can she not just stay at home?

Why's everyone talking like I'm a problem? I'm not a problem.

When you forget to give me school letters

and turn up at my work and break stuff and moan all day,

you're a problem!

-Nice. Let's just hope these exams are worth it.

-Oh...

Thanks for coming.

Yeah, well, folk know I'm here, so...

What did you think we were planning to do?

Well, you never know with your family.

You can't think so little of us?

I mean, you were happy to put Charlotte in our care before.

"Happy" isn't the word.

Well, what is the word? "Desperate"?

I'm not the one begging to see my own daughter.

That's pretty desperate.

A wee lassie that barely knows you even exist.

Charlotte is our little girl, and I just want what's best for her.

I don't want there to be any animosity between us.

Ooh, that's a big word!

Did they teach you that in prison school?

Can we not just settle this amicably?

Like, avoid dragging Charlotte through the courts.

-I thought that...

-What?

That you'd just change your tune and I'd dance to it?

Do you want to talk finance? Cos my goodwill tank's running pretty low.

I thought not.

Come back to me when you've got something more concrete

to offer, hmm?

Oh.

What's this cretin doing here?

Dad...

Well, now you're here, let's sit down, have a wee chat...

Stop.

You see, cos I don't think you've really got a grip of

this negotiating thing.

The way I see it, you have to have something to bargain with

-that we cannae just take off you.

-I said, stop.

And then all that's left is cleaning up some minor complications.

That's you.

You're a minor complication.

Are you threatening me?

I don't make threats.

Well, I can't imagine what this would do to Charlotte.

Can you?

I mean, I'm no psychologist,

but the trauma of losing your dad so young,

the heartache...

Kids are tough.

She'll soon forget you.

Can you be sure?

She gets nightmares.

Last night, even, she woke up crying for her mum.

Not you, of course -

the mum that raised her.

You see, I'm all she has left.

Only someone really, really twisted would take that away from her.

Dad, let him go.

Just say the word.

-CAITLIN CHUCKLES

-The place is a mess, isn't it?

Welcome to the Community Pub Of The Year.

So, what's up?

Erm...

You see the set-up at the Pop-Up later?

Caitlin...

I'm so sorry, I just cannae make it today.

Did you talk to AJ to confirm the catering at least?

What is going on?

Last week you were desperate to pick up shifts.

I know it seems like I'm letting you down, but...

If you don't want the job any more...

I do! It's just I've got so much on...

With your evening class? I get it.

I sort of undersold it.

-It's no' just an evening class.

-Right.

Thanks, Cassie. I'll make it up to you, I promise.

It's OK. I'll manage.

Just do what you have to do.

And how have you been feeling since I last saw you?

Good. Busy.

Working in the Ship, cleaning.

Suzie took a chance on me.

I'm glad to hear that.

And how have you been managing, physically?

Och, you know, a bit dizzy sometimes.

Shivery.

Any loss of appetite?

I'm not overly hungry, no.

Bruising?

Only...

Well, like I said, I work in the pub,

and sometimes I'm a wee bit clumsy around the tables, so...

OK, so you have experienced some bruising?

Could I take a look please?

Oh...

Maggie, are you all right? Are you feeling unwell at the moment?

-It'll pass.

-SHE SIGHS

I've been like this on and off for the last few weeks.

I think it's a virus.

Your blood markers do suggest a decline...

WATER POURS ..so I think we should get you back in for some more tests.

More tests? I'm like a human pincushion as it is.

And I'd like to send you off for a scan.

I have good reason to believe that this may be

cirrhosis of the liver, Maggie.

Cirrhosis?

I know you said inflammation, but...

Well, chronic inflammation and fibrosis can lead to cirrhosis,

and you're showing signs that this may have progressed.

PHONE RINGS

Are you able to go to the hospital this afternoon?

No, I'm...I'm minding Ruby.

OK, that's fine, we can try and get you an appointment for tomorrow.

-SHE EXHALES

-Well, is it...?

I mean, I know I'm no' 100%, but, I mean, they hospitals,

you go in there and you don't know what you'll catch.

Maggie, cirrhosis untreated or undiagnosed can lead to

liver failure and it carries an increased risk of liver cancer.

Now, we don't know what's going on inside there,

and, well, you're not looking as well as I'd liked,

so let's not take any chances, OK?

# Stop, collaborate and listen! #

Are you up for this?

What?

'90s discotheque at the Pop-Up. Catering by yours truly...

I'll try.

I've got to re-arrange my shift.

I've got to take Caitlin to her exam.

It's an actual exam?

Why didn't she say?

Erm...

I don't think she wanted anyone to know.

I mean, if she wants to go back to school, then, great!

Although, personally, I couldn't think of anything worse.

High school?

Yuck.

Were you not the prom queen type, then?

Are you kidding?

I was a total misfit in high school.

At prom I got voted "most likely to sell all her belongings

"and live with a gorilla colony".

Well, I suppose you did end up with Angus...

I just... I don't get what she's so ashamed of.

Why all the sneaking around?

Well, I'm no psychologist but...

Here we go.

..I think the secrecy is down to her own fear of failure.

If no-one knows, the less people to let down.

Deep.

Yeah, I guess.

So, what would you have been at prom, Peter?

"Most likely to die on the toilet eating a steak bake"?

Very funny.

Well, I have to head, but if you see Caitlin, tell her...

Tell her, "Good luck."

And tell her we'll do something to celebrate when it's all over.

I think she'd really like that.

By the way, you've got something on your shirt.

This stuff stinks.

It's vintage, I'll have you know.

-PHONE RINGS

-Is that another word for old and smelly?

-Ah...

Shieldinch Vintage Clothes Emporium, how may I help you?

Oh, hello!

SHE LAUGHS

Hey.

This is not what I thought working in a shop would be like.

How come?

Well, I thought it would be like,

"Madam, let me chose a dress to match your shoes,"

and, "That is sooooo you."

That's nice.

-I've got, like, £1.60.

-SHE UNZIPS PURSE

That's like, £10 short.

That's how adults buy stuff.

-How?

-A bit at a time.

It's called "on tick".

My mum always does it.

I suppose so. OK.

This brooch matches your eyes!

-ARCADE MACHINE BEEPS

-'Sake!

I cannae handle this!

Where is she?

I'm going to miss it!

Give her five more minutes.

And then what? Set up an honesty box?

Oh, yes, I quite agree, a New World Pinot Noir is far superior!

Caitlin, this is Brian from the Community Pub Of The Year Awards.

You took your flippin' time!

Well, lunch ran on.

Caitlin is so...spirited.

We never have a dull moment.

Spirited? I'm a barmaid, no' a donkey!

I'm out.

You are not going anywhere while the place is in this state!

Do you know what?! Stuff it!

I work my backside off in here and all I get is grief.

You see, Brian, I have an exam today...

Yes, an exam, for the first time in 15 year!

And, no, it might no' get me anywhere,

and, yes, I'll probably make a pig's ear out of it,

but if I don't go now - right now -

then I might regret it for the rest of my life.

So, in the words of whatsherface,

I'm going to have to "screw my courage to the sticking place"!

-Lady Macbeth?

-Aye! Her!

You walk out that door, and don't even think about coming back!

Your loss, doll. Come on, Pete.

SHE LAUGHS

-Wait, wait.

-Oh, it's you...

Aye, it's me! Where's Ruby?

-Ruby?

-Aye, your grand-daughter, remember?

Oh, Ruby... Well, she was here...

Are you being funny?

Ladies, I don't want to add fuel to the fire,

-but if we don't leave now, we hit traffic...

-Where is she?!

Well, she can't have gone far.

She was going on about that new burger place.

You're meant to be watching her!

Well, she was blethering on about going uptown.

Aw, fantastic(!)

I've no' got eyes in the back of my heid!

I'll find her. You just go on.

We're cutting it fine.

Well, I cannae leave her missing.

Maggie, are you all right?

Aye, she's fine!

Let's... Let's go.

Maggie and me can look uptown once I've dropped you off.

You're at it.

I'll find her - just calm yourself!

You've done enough damage today!

Ladies, get in the car!

Ha-ha! I knew I shouldn't have left you two alone in here!

Ruby's bought lots of stuff, "on tick".

Oh, really?

Well, I'm afraid, we don't do storecards,

so, if you don't mind, I'm going to have this lot back

until you can pay for it!

I asked you to do something for me just this once!

-Aye, well, you shouldnae have!

-I can see that!

She'll turn up.

She'd better!

-I did! I paid, like, two quid...

-No, you did not!

-I did!

-Whoa!

-Ruby!

-TYRES SCREECH

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

Frankie!

Hey.

What are you doing in here? How did you even get in?

Chilling. I took Mum's spare key.

I'll be off, then.

Hold on. What is that?

-Is that a prescription?

-Might be.

Frankie, that is illegal!

-You can't just come in here and...

-And what?

Give me that back right now!

-SHE SCOFFS

-Or what?

What, you'll tell?

Who? My mum?

What medication is it you're after?

It's just something for a friend in need.

What friend?

Look, Frankie, if someone's in trouble,

they can come and speak to me professionally...

Yeah, he tried that. You left him hanging.

Robbie?

What, Robbie put you up to this?

Don't be daft. He's not that smart.

I thought of it all by myself.

What is wrong with you?

Maybe I'm unhinged.

Maybe the image of my aunt at it with my dad

does that to my young mind?

You're the doctor. What do you think?

-I could call the police.

-But you won't.

Says who?

This is my professional integrity you're compromising here.

-There is a line.

-Oh, a line?

What about your personal integrity?

Maybe you need to choose?

Keep one, lose the other? That's a tough call.

Anyway. Thank you for this.

I know it's a little irregular,

but, you know, it's just between us, yeah?

It's superficial. I'm not too worried.

Keep the ice on it and keep an eye on her.

Any dizziness, call me.

How many fingers, Rubes?

Ha-ha-ha, very funny(!)

Thank you. Thanks.

Was it really too much to ask?

I just wanted a few hours to sit my exam.

Your daughter is up there wi' a smashed face

and all you can talk about is a bloody spelling test?!

I knew you would turn this around!

Kim said some cream might be good.

I'll, erm...

I'll pop to the chemist.

You have got weans to support and a job that you need to keep to do it.

I mean, what are you doing prancing around wi' bloody poetry books for?

Everything I dae is for my kids.

It's vanity!

You don't need exams to work in a bar.

What you going to do with them? Become a journalist?

Well, Ellie got all her exam results,

and you were proud enough of her.

Ellie's different - she's the smart one.

You're like me.

You just get yourself in a job, you get through it and go on.

You never even managed that.

You know what?

My whole life, all I've heard is,

"You're like me. You'll never have anything more than I did."

And today was the one chance to prove to myself that you were wrong.

FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS

CAITLIN SOBS

Mum, are you crying?

What?

No, I'm allergic to TCP.

It makes my eyes water.

Oh.

How's your head?

It actually doesn't hurt lots.

What about your exam?

It doesnae matter.

I don't want you to miss it.

I got this -

you can have it for luck.

We're taking that back.

I paid £1.60.

I'm sorry.

-Oh, come here, baby...

-CAITLIN SNIFFLES

It's not true, what you said.

What are you talking about?

About me being the clever one.

Do you know what? I hated exams.

I used to puke in the corridor after every one of them.

Caitlin used to pack me a can of Coke and a packet of Space Invaders.

It's the magic formula.

Got me through every one of my Highers without spewing.

She did, aye?

Uh-huh, she had to, cos you were...busy.

Say what you mean, Ellie.

There's no point in sparing my feelings now.

My point is that SHE supported me...

Oh, and I didn't?

ELLIE SCOFFS

You know, I'm no' telling her what to do.

I'm no' stopping her taking her exam!

You've just told her that she's stupid.

She's got three great kids.

What could be more of an achievement than that?

ELLIE SIGHS You must have studied for nursing?

Aye, but for something practical -

no' this fancy stuff that she's studying.

You see, I've seen it happen -

you get your hopes up, and then people knock you down,

or life does.

It's no reason not to try.

She's worked really hard for this.

We've all worked hard.

I'm no' telling her what to do,

but she is up there with Ruby now because she wants to be.

True...

but it might help if you tell her she's worth enough

to go and sit this exam.

How are you doing, cuz?

I hear business is slow.

Business is fine.

Aye, but your punters miss my girls, right?

Come on, admit it, they did bring a certain "je ne se quoi"?

I'll tell you "quoi".

Illegality - that's what your lassies brought.

Not to mention the wrong types coming in.

You're running a bar here, no' a knitting circle.

Anybody that buys your massively marked-up cheap fizz

is the right type.

Tell me I'm wrong.

All right, you turn your nose up,

but we could be on to a good thing here.

Your good looks, my brains...

Or is it the other way around?

Hello, hello.

I need to talk to you.

Who's that?

No-one. What's up?

I need some money.

Have you no' got somewhere to go?

Pete's outside in the car.

What?

Well, I cannae go now.

The exam folk, the invigilators, they'll no' let me in.

It's too late.

And since when have you been mindful of authority?

Job's a good 'un.

Did she see you?

It's fine, we talked about it.

Did you?

She said it's OK.

But it's going to cost you.

Really?

Well, yeah, it's a private arrangement, so you need to pay me

for the prescription.

This sounds dodgy. Look, I'm just going to...

You've just allowed an 18-year-old to

forge a prescription for you.

What part of that isn't dodgy?

100 should do it.

100 quid?

Oh, I know - the price of private health care.

I'm not even sure that I have that much.

Look, do you want these drugs or not?

-HE EXHALES

-You're going to get me into trouble.

Maybe, but you'll have a full month to figure out

where your next lot's coming from.

Great. Nice doing business with you.

HE SIGHS

I cannae.

OK, let's go.

We'll tell them they were right.

Who's "they"?

Everybody that said you couldn't do it.

Or you could listen to another voice -

yours.

I think it's that one that's telling me to bolt.

Listen harder.

Och, what is this, The Lion King?

If you don't do this,

you'll never be able to look Ruby in the eye again.

Or yourself, for that matter.

DOOR OPENS

DOOR CLOSES

SHE EXHALES

A cheque?

I need cash.

It was the best I could do. I'm sorry.

Well, it'd better not bounce.

Well, what would be the point in me messing you around?

We both want this sorted, for Charlotte as much as anyone.

I'm glad you've seen sense.

I just.. I'm tired of my life being so extreme.

I just want what I've always wanted -

a normal life and my wee girl.

Well, I guess you'll get your dream.

Everyone's a winner.

Fraser...

Do you ever...

What?

..think about us and what we had?

The first few years.

SHE GIGGLES

Remember when we used to talk about what our life might be like?

When we thought we'd have such an exciting future...

Well, I guess we were kids.

You're not getting sentimental, are you?

Listen, we had our chance,

and neither of us turned out to be the people we thought we were.

Well, there must be some good in us,

and we must have had some good times.

We made Charlotte...

Pens down.

What's it like, eh? Once you start, you cannae stop.

A prom?

Aye!

At the Pop-Up?

Well, it's supposed to be a '90s night, but Cassie's up for it!

A few adjustments and Bob's your uncle.

Have we no' had enough excitement for one day?

Aye, well, this is the good kind of excitement,

and, believe me, I know the difference.

A wee post-exam celebration.

And what's wrong with a banana split at the Oyster?

Nan...

Caitlin never did stuff like this at school.

Well, it's not our fault that she got herself knocked up

by Gay Gordon.

I want to show her how proud we are -

we all are.

I think it sounds cool.

I don't know. We didnae have proms in my day.

Mine neither.

And the kids nowadays, they've got all the designer gear, and...

Diamante shoes and limousines.

Well, what if we just had...

..the dress?

What the...?

I know - I got it in the charity shop.

It's perfect, right?

Do they do refunds?

Once you've worked your magic, it'll be ideal!

Ellie can do her make-up for her.

Cinders will go to the ball!

What do you say?

And that was just the first year,

and the next few years really changed me,

but I always thought about us,

and how we promised to wait and...

I guess being banged up must be lonely.

Listen, I've really got to go...

The loneliness never leaves you.

Going through something like that,

it eats away at you,

and even when you get out, you never truly feel free.

ENGINE PURRS

CAR DOORS CLOSE

What?

Wait, that's...

Oh.

Oh, that's my car!

Hey, that's my... That's my car!

What are you doing? Eh?

Och, whoa, no, no, no, no. That's not... That's not mine!

INAUDIBLE

It's funny, you think you know someone,

and then you find out they're up to no good.

Not so clean now.

ENGINE REVS

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

Are you all right?

Aye.

So?

What?

How did it go?

I think I've passed.

That's good.

-Where's Ruby?

-Bed.

How's her heid?

Fine. She's been Instagramming pictures of it to her pals.

Oh, great(!)

"Hashtag, Mum nearly hit me with the car."

Are you no' celebrating, then?

Celebrating? Aye, on the inside.

I mean, that's what it's all about, eh?

Self-fulfilment and all that.

Suit yourself.

I'm gonnae turn in.

BOTH: Surprise!

What are yous playing at?!

If you wouldn't mind escorting us upstairs, madam,

your fairy godsister and make-up artist extraordinaire

is waiting to transform you...

What?

Make-up by Ellie McLean, nails by Ruby McLean,

and haute couture by stunning new designer Maggie M...

What are yous on about?

It's your prom!

THEY LAUGH

Is that a double?

You know, it's quite a traumatic experience

overcoming a bad hair day.

Now, Molly won't even come out tonight,

and, actually, the somewhat finer texture of my hair

has led to it suffering even more.

I cannot apologise enough, Liz.

This is on me,

and tell Molly I owe yourself and her free hair appointments

for the rest of the month.

LIZ CHUCKLES

Robbie, can I have a word?

Oh, dear, Doctor!

What?

Well, has Robbie wreaked his havoc on you, as well?

He should give you a refund.

ROBBIE LAUGHS WEAKLY

Give it back.

-What?

-You know what.

I... Erm...

Hey.

You know, you might think it's appropriate for

a man approaching his 40s to groom a teenager to do something illegal,

but, trust me, it's not.

No, I can explain...

No. You can find yourself another doctor.

-DOOR CLOSES

-Don't mind her.

She's, eh, highly strung.

So, do you like my new jacket?

Aye, it's nice.

Can we get a couple of rum-and-Cokes on the house?

-Hey.

-Not bad, huh?

Oh! Mr Bond, we've been expecting you.

You can't stay out there all night, Caitlin.

-CAITLIN:

-Watch me!

Come on, Caitlin.

Caitlin, Caitlin, Caitlin, Caitlin!

-Come on!

-Caitlin, Caitlin, Caitlin, Caitlin, Caitlin...

THEY GASP AND WOLFWHISTLE

You, eh...

You look like...

like Adele, but better!

Mutton dressed as lamb?

You look sensational, dollface.

Just watch you don't do any flashy dance moves

or you'll split the seams.

Aye, thanks, Mum.

You look very...bonny.

Was this all your idea?

Aye, with a bit of help from your friends.

You look like a pure Teddy boy.

You look dead smart.

Well, it's a step up from your lucky shirt, eh?

Come on, dance with me.

Whoo!

Pete, you're at it!

Can you do that one?

Eh? Just a bit...

Caitlin.

Oh, here we go...

After you left, Brian interviewed some of the customers.

Bizarrely, it turns out they love you.

"Rough diamond" was the term some of them used.

"Rough"?!

I bet that was Never-Happy Norma, cheeky mare.

Who's she calling rough?

It seems to be complimentary.

So does that mean I'm no' fired?

For now.

I'll see you bright and early.

Baby, baby, baby...

-Whoo!

-There...

This better no' be a dream.

I'll be right scunnered if I have to wake up and do this all over again.

What if I don't actually pass my exam?

I mean, with all these folk celebrating... What a riddy.

It doesn't matter.

We're not celebrating you passing the exam.

We're celebrating you -

just you.

All right, give it a rest.

Come on.

Ho-ho!

-Thanks for doing this.

-That's all right.

MUSIC: Macarena by Los Del Rio

No way.

Caitlin! Turn that up!

Please, can you turn that up?! Do you know this?

Caitlin!

Oh! Yeah!

Up, up!

Down!

# Hey, Macarena

# Ay... #

See, now, you don't get it, do you?

That scene in the pub, yeah, that was totes awkward.

Look, you're lucky that I have not called...

Called who? What, the "moral police"?

God, imagine there was such a thing.

-I would have so much to report!

-Shh! Keep your voice down.

Or what?

Hey, do you like my new jacket?

Oh, Robbie got it for me,

as a little thank you for helping him out.

Well, he's barred from the practice now,

so you've not really helped out anyone, have you?

You don't care, do you?

You don't care who you hurt.

You know what? Why don't you just...just tell your mum?

Tell her what you think you know.

I mean, you've got form with bending the truth.

-I doubt she'd believe a word you say.

-Wow.

What, and not even a hint of remorse, is that?

God, and you think I'm cold.

No, I think that you are hurting...

..about something that shouldn't have happened,

but happened in the past.

OK, now, I...

I can't do anything about that.

Shall we call it a truce?

A truce?

What, just like old times?

Like, you go back to being my favourite auntie?

Yes!

Nice try.

Sorry.

FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS

ANNIE SIGHS

MUSIC: Kiss From A Rose by Seal

ELLIE BREATHES HEAVILY

# But did you know that when it snows

# My eyes become large... #

Oh, he really cares about her, doesn't he?

Same old story.

Can't live with each other, can't live without each other.

Are you all right?

How do you mean?

Well, you look sort of done in.

No. Stupid cold I've had.

Right.

SHE SIGHS Maybe you should go to the doctor's.

Aye, maybe.

So, what's happening with you two, then?

Hmm?

Oh, AJ? Och, I mean, are you kidding me on?

He's just my pal.

I'm just going downstairs, Ellie.

Oh, stop...

Don't... ELLIE LAUGHS

AJ GULPS

You know, in my day,

you didnae tell your daughter that they looked nice

or that they were clever.

What do you mean?

Compliments, the gushy stuff -

it just wasnae the done thing.

Right.

What's made you say that?

It'd be like bragging,

because your children are a part of you,

and you don't want to be going around self-congratulating.

Mummy, are you all right?

I'm just saying...

What?

What are you saying?

I'm saying that...

that...

I'm trying to say that I'm really proud of both of you.

Maybe you should tell Caitlin that, too.

# I've been kissed by a rose on the grey

# I've been kissed by a rose on the grey... #

This may sound like a bit of a chat-up line, but...

Oh, please, don't give me the boke. I'm full of canapes.

You looked beautiful tonight.

You look beautiful.

Thank you.

You actually just went and did something today,

and I...

I just...

Stop talking.

What was that?

To shut you up...

# I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey

# Ooh, the more I get of you

# The stranger it feels, yeah

# Now that your rose is in bloom

# A light hits the gloom on the grey... #

Thanks for getting me that gear so quickly.

LOUD DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

I'm surprised you couldnae get it yourself.

You've got plenty of contacts.

It's no' my usual business.

Well, this is the way I like doing business -

mutual trust.

Working with people who know I've got their back and vice-versa.

It's the only way to operate.

Not some lone kingpin who's...

unstable.

So, are you sure we're done?

Look, I can help you get more strings on your bow -

speculate to accumulate, that sort of thing.

Then, when it comes to negotiating with Lenny,

then you've got a better hand to play.

Here's to a better hand.

To new beginnings.

Two more of them, doll.

-Has she definitely bought the right kit?

-She's a nurse.

This is not how it's gonnae be done - no' for my boy!

What's going on?

-I'm sorry, Bob. I think I've broken it.

-What?

Rent, for young Jules?

Times are rather tight.

I was wondering, how much would you pay for a 35mm camera?

-Who's this?

-A friend. Can you help her or not?

This is my fiancee Annie. Annie, meet Rick Harper.

You're in business with him? Stay away from me.

Hi, can you put me through to the police, please?