29/07/2014 River City

Maybe we need a plan, to get out of here.

I've got some ideas to make money, I'll just need to push them on a bit, that's all.

I was thinking of buying a motor, bring it here to get checked over.

Ho!

What do you think, mate?

The numbers on the chassis don't add up.

So...

The motor's probably nicked.

Kirsty, she told her dad the truth at last.

Murray.

Don't worry, Eileen, I quit.

You're leaving for good? I'm sorry to hear that.

Thanks for everything, Jimmy.

-Do you know what we should do?

-Go on to coffee?

-Go into business together.

-Aye, right.

I'm serious. I can pick up cheap cars and you can do them up.

I think this is going to be the start of a great partnership.

MUSIC POUNDS

What are you sitting yourself for?

-I'm not really in the mood, mate.

-What's up?

-Nothing.

-You're usually the life and soul.

Aye, well...

..not tonight.

We're supposed to be celebrating tonight!

You know what, you're right.

All right, mate?

Mate, I hope your patter's better than that with those two lassies.

What two lassies?

The ones from the club, they're through there.

You coming back through?

No, I think I might just head.

Do you know what?

Get this down you.

What is it?

Rocket fuel, that's all you need to know, mate.

Watch and learn, mate.

TV: 'We've got a special delivery! What's it going to be today?

'Meow!

# Special delivery service!

# What's it going to be today? #

Ohhhh...

'Meow!

'There you are!

-'So, where's this unusual...?'

-'Shh!

'Follow me!'

What a state, eh?

Just leave him.

But I think he might be in a coma.

Ohhh! What's happening?

Glad you could join us.

What...?

Well, if I'm up and out for work so are you.

Aye, all right, don't need to soak me.

Hey, the place stinks of booze, what's wrong with your room?

So what are you up to today?

I dunno.

You should get out and about.

I can't stop thinking that people are talking about me.

Any chance of keeping the noise down?

Forget that, we need to get out there and face them.

I need to, you mean.

I'm dying, man.

Look we're a family, aren't we? So we face them together.

Oi, I need to go and lay off a crew of men -

people who actually want to work.

What are you doing today?

I'm helping Bob at the garage.

Here...

..I've got some dig money, he paid me last night.

At least it's something.

Have a nice day.

What?

Nothing.

Oh, good, it's awake.

Right, I'll give you this

if you promise not to sing Arctic Monkeys at the top of your voice.

-You woke me up last night.

-Was I singing?

Aye, well, if you could call it that.

You might want to try and learn some words.

Sorry. So have I been here all night?

Are you kidding?

What?!

I was trying to get you into your bed, do you not remember?

Not really.

You opened up about your confused sexuality.

Eh?!

It was a relief you finally admitted it.

I mean, I knew all along. Most people do.

DOORBELL RINGS

I said I'd ask Robbie to take you to a club if it helped.

Don't give us it!

I could have had you all day with that,

Robbie would have totally went with it.

Recorded delivery parcel for you, Bubba.

Ya beauty!

Here, Ma, this is for you.

-What's this for?

-Just a wee bit of rent in advance.

Thanks, Bubba.

What's in the box?

You will see, sis, you will see.

Turn that down a wee bit, eh?

You're looking smart.

Aye, well, I've got to go to that seminar today,

with the enterprise people, with my business plan.

Oh, right. A business plan for the Oyster?

It's a greasy spoon.

-Why are you being like this?

-Like what?

You fell asleep last night when I was trying to tell you about it.

I was knackered, I'd been run off my feet.

Aye, well, I was really nervous about today.

I wanted you to support me.

You've got nothing to worry about.

You look like somebody out of Dragons' Den.

I'm kiddin' on!

Right, we'll get a wee carry out tonight

and watch a bit of the games,

-I think the wrestling on.

-Oh, great(!)

I know. Right, I better get to The Ship.

-Wish me luck!

-Good luck.

-DOOR CLOSES

So...what do you think?

If you wore them in the Commonwealth Games, you'd be disqualified.

What you talking about?

They make you feel like you're walking on air.

I mean, how can anybody, not like these bad boys?

They're absolute belters. Right I'm away to get ready.

Check you, are you wearing they trainers for a bet?!

-Do you like them?

-All you need's a shell suit

and it's like the last ten years never happened.

-Very good(!)

-Cheery bye, cheeky!

All right, mate?

Mate, are you trying to make my hangover worse?

Do you like them?

They look like the inside of my stomach.

Score us a fiver, I'll get these in, I'm skint again.

Two coffees, pal.

Here, what happened with the two lassies last night?

-Do you not remember?

-No.

-You pulled.

-Really? Aye right!

She wanted to go back to yours but you wouldnae shut up.

You kept talking about how you still lived with your mum,

-how you got divorced from Stella.

-Oh, you're joking.

"I could've been a great dad.

"I got jilted at the altar."

I had tears running down my face, cheered me up.

I wasn't the only one spilling my guts,

you kept talking to that other lassie about your maw, non-stop.

I must have done something right, she gave me her number.

Here, haud on.

Ya beauty!

WHISTLES

You going to make this month's repayments?

-I should be good for next week.

-Are you sure about that?

Aye, Angus has been putting a lot of work my way.

Turning them away, so I am.

I don't know what your problem is?

He was a perv with a mid-life crisis, the world's full of them.

And it's my fault. Now he doesn't have a job.

He's a boring man with a boring life who just couldn't help himself.

I feel bad.

Don't, you're never going to have see him again anyway.

What do you mean?

He's gone. He's packed his bags and he's moved.

-How do you know that?

-Will told me.

-You mean he's moved because of me?

-Probably, yeah.

I've seen hundreds of guys like him.

Why was he even offering you drink in that room anyway?

-He was just talking to me.

-Yeah, but he knows you're underage,

-and he still kept offering you drink?

-He didn't do anything!

There was a guy just like Murray at my care home,

was all friendly, next thing you know, he was trying it on with me.

So what did you do?

I got up and went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea.

But he followed me, didn't he?

I was boiling the kettle and he was still trying to touch me.

So I turned round and I poured boiling water

all over that scumbag's legs, should have heard him scream.

They're all the same, don't trust anyone, ever.

Top work on that last car by the way.

Work? Chopping, you mean.

The guy would be happy to send more work our way.

No, I told you I don't want this to become a regular thing.

What else are you going to do? Bob, the garage is dead.

I don't know.

It was a good last night, wasn't it?

Had worse.

PHONE RINGS

Montego Motors.

No, this is Montego Motors.

No bother. All right. Bye.

Tell your man I'll maybe do one more motor.

Bob, I don't want to push you into anything

you're not comfortable with.

But if you're sure.

Right, I'll give him a call.

But you are going to say aye?

It's the Manley Park Hotel for goodness' sake!

What are you like? It's only a couple of days.

I know, but I've never left Cal a whole weekend before.

-Stop worrying, your ma's got him.

-Then why do I feel so bad?

Because you're a mammy, you worry too much.

See the way he looked at me this morning, it was as if he knew.

Don't be ridiculous.

Do you remember the first time your ma left you when you were wee?

-Not really.

-Neither will he. He'll be absolutely fine.

Robbie, I'm not being cheeky, but you've never had a kid that age.

But I used to be one.

My ma gret when I went to nursery, school and college.

It's normal. It'll be easier for next time.

-I hope so.

-And before you know it, he'll be grown up

and away living his own life anyway.

-Eh, is that meant to be helping?

-It's the truth.

Well, I've got nothing to wear to this place we're going.

So don't wear anything, don't think there'll be any complaints.

Robbie!

As Tammy once said, "Sometimes it's hard to be a woman!"

Come on.

Right, OK, mate. I'll be in touch.

Cheers.

-What did he say?

-He's a big fan of your work.

Has he got one or no'?

No can do, mate.

Maybe it's for the best.

How do you work that out?

Lenny Murdoch's got a bit of money in the garage, he wouldnae be happy.

I thought you said you were related to him?

-Well, his grandson's my nephew.

-Right, that's close.

Have you no' seen The Godfather? Michael kills his ain brother.

Well, I've got two points to make there.

One, it's a film, so the story isnae real,

and we're chopping up cars, not bodies.

-You just don't get it, do you?

-Aye, I do.

There are people you don't cross.

Right, well, I need to be bring in some money to help my dad -

-even he's skint at the moment.

-Well, my ma's hardly minted, is she?

Aye, well, at least you've got your sister and Jimmy bringing a wage in.

Suppose.

Seeing as you've got a bit of spare time on your hands...

What now?

Can you give me a lift to my mate's and back?

-Get the bus.

-There's no' a bus stop near his bit.

Mate, I owe you one.

And promise me you won't talk whilst we're going there, eh?

So this is where you've been hiding.

Look, I'm sorry I never came back into work.

It's just...the thing was terrible, man.

I'm not annoyed at you for leaving the seminar,

I just want to get to the bottom of why it happened.

I didnae know what they were talking about.

Like what?

Well, it was pure gobbledegook, man. You'd need about five degrees

to actually understand what they're saying.

Right, well, give me an example.

Right, well, we need to...

.."prioritise the end-user experience".

That's something that happens in the Oyster every day.

Basically it means what a customer thinks of a product

or service after they've bought it.

Right, well, why didn't they just say that, then?

So if you ask a customer, if they've enjoyed their coffee,

you're "prioritising the end-user experience".

Right, well, we do that anyway.

Anybody can learn the terminology,

but understanding it and putting it into practice, that is

a completely different skill.

I think you do a lot of that already.

I'm sorry. I just...

Don't be.

Look...

..imagine you were drawing up a business plan.

Right, what would you put in it?

What changes would your propose for the cafe?

Well, I'd make more space, I'd rip out the booths and that.

Won't please the traditionalists.

Aye, but it'd make more room for paying customers.

We could extend anyway, we could build a conservatory out the back.

-Maximising space again?

-Aye, well we need it.

Good.

Right, go away and write everything up,

then we can put some figures next to things.

Then we can catch up later in the pub, yeah?

All right, OK, great.

I owe you a drink.

-Excellent, right, I'll see you later.

-I'll see you.

This is ridiculous! Can you no' remember where the house is?

Just keep driving.

I know it's here somewhere.

-You're lost.

-I'm not.

Right, stop.

-What?

-That's it.

This is it. I've remembered now.

Wait a minute? Who do you know that stays in there?

Just a mate.

-What is it you said you were picking up from him again?

-Just some keys.

Right, I'll be out in a bit.

BURGLAR ALARM BLARES

-Wait a minute. What's going on?

-What does it look like?

Are you off your head? You cannae do this!

ALARM CONTINUES TO BLARE

Angus, come on!

What, are you serious?

What you doing?

You stole a motor?!

Aye, I took the scenic route, a great wee drive.

I don't believe you. How could you do this?

What are we going to do with it?

An absolute cracker, eh? Get in...

..got heated seats and everything.

Come on, I'll show you all the toys.

There's, er, some interesting stuff under your seat.

Somebody's gonnae be quaking in their boots that that's gone astray.

-I want nothing to do with this!

-Oh, will you calm down?

Calm down? I'm gonnae phone the police.

-What're you playing at?

-You cannae stop me.

-Give me that.

-What are you going to say?

Look, I don't want any part in this.

I'm gonnae tell them that you stole the motor and it's at my garage.

Erm, I'm probably being picky here,

but have you not chopped a couple of cars recently?

-That was different.

-How was it different?

Bob, I'm no' saying this is right, OK?

I'm just saying how I think the police will add it up.

How did I get into this? I thought you were supposed to be a mate.

They'd know you drove me to the car.

I didn't know what you were gonnae do.

You waited outside, while I broke into the house.

You saw me with the key, you didnae try to stop me.

Course I tried. What else was I supposed to do?

Och!

Look...

Bob, it's just the way the stars have aligned themselves,

don't fight it, man.

Who are you, Mystic Meg?

Would you risk everything and put your life in the hands of a jury?

Some of them have probably had their precious wee clapped-up Fiesta

stolen at some point

and have a completely irrational hatred of car thieves.

And, here, I picked these up from a contact on the way home.

We're in this now!

I cannae believe this.

Hey, you've got work to do, this is much easier, we're no' chopping

the car, we're simply moving it on once you've worked your magic.

I'm the one taking all the risk.

I'll drive the car to the buyer, I'll pick up the cash.

All you need to do is get it looking brand new

and ready to export to Russia.

How much?

20 grand, 10 each.

The car'll be out of the country before we know it.

They can never trace it back to us.

Now, are you in or are you out?

Cheers.

-Hiya.

-All right, doll?

Thought you'd be back sooner.

Aye, Alex was round at the flat.

By the way, I've started my business plan.

Oh, aye?

Going to gie us a large white wine and an orange juice, please?

-Who's the wine for?

-Alex. I said I'd buy him a drink.

He's been dead supportive.

Just be careful.

Don't get yourself all worked up about it all.

Oh, Stevie, don't ruin it.

I'm going to heavy go for it next time.

You're no' going back, are you?

Aye, I'll need to read up on hunners of stuff but first.

Whatever makes you happy.

Let me buy these. Get one for yourself. Stevie, eh?

-I'm all right, mate.

-No, go on, I insist.

I'm all right, mate.

Keep the change, then. Make sure that bottle's nicely chilled, eh?

Right, here, so see the way that I've done that,

-put it in that format, is that all right?

-Yeah, that's fine.

-Are you sure?

-Aye.

-Does it...

-You've been busy, eh?

Need to be careful, cos the polis will be looking for this already.

Were you born worrying? Just lie back and think of the money.

-Leave this to me.

-And if you get caught?

I'll just say it was your fault.

I found some CDs in the glove compartment.

I think his taste in motors is better than his taste in music.

# Ave Maria... #

So you've filled out the all relevant information about the car?

I have.

Look, it can only have been a couple of hours since it's gone.

I understand.

So it should be easy enough to spot.

-We'll do everything we can.

-Er, is that it?

Were you expecting something else?

Well, it was a present from my brother,

so it does mean... Well, it means a lot to me.

I'm sorry.

And it's a very special model.

-Can I be honest?

-Please do.

The fact that it's special is part the problem.

There's been a spate of high-end vehicle thefts, stolen to order,

selling abroad.

All right, I see.

We'll do everything we can to find the vehicle obviously,

all I'm saying is that if we do find it,

-we'll have to hold onto it for a while.

-OK.

-Well, thanks for being so honest.

-No problem.

I heard you got a promotion, Mickey.

You heard right. Cheers.

Normally a man in your situation gets his car nicked,

they go to the polis.

Already been.

And?

Worse than useless, they've already given up.

So now you've come to me?

No need to say it with so much glee.

A sort of last resort.

Can you help us or not?

Come on, don't be like that, I'm surprised, that's all.

Man in your line of work owning a car like that.

We've all got our weaknesses.

I'm not exactly into wine, women or song. I like fast cars.

All right, I'll see what I can do, but I'm a busy man.

I'll be very grateful.

How grateful?

Is this what the world's coming to now,

got to be paid to do our good deeds?

C'mon, it's just a simple question.

I'm on the committee of the St Anthony's Group,

there's a lot of important men on it,

do a lot of good work for charity but...

..you know, they help each other out too.

I might be able to get you an introduction.

An introduction?

Well, maybe a recommendation.

It depends.

On what?

The safe return of my car.

I've been doing a wee bit of my own detective work.

Found these in the driveway.

Oooh! That narrows it down.

All right. I know some people, OK? I'll get on to them.

Here, write down the registration number.

You know, it's not just the car I'm concerned about.

There's a couple of other things.

My favourite CD collection's in it.

I'd hate for anything to happen to that.

Yeah, well, we better hope they havenae scratched them, then.

Yeah, well, for their sake, they better not have.

I'm no' going anywhere until I've got the rest of the money.

Get lost, ya wee bawbag!

It's no' fair - a deal's a deal.

Do you know what?

I'll no' be bringing anything this way in future.

Aye, well, the business'll hardly collapse, will it?

Now get...before I change my mind!

All right, big man.

Aye, run.

POUNDING ON DOOR

-Who is it?

-Who do you think it is? Will you open the door?

-Are you just yourself?

-Aye.

Everything all right?

No, no, it isnae.

What happened?

-Big Rab shafted us.

-What?

He wouldnae give me the full 20 grand.

So...

He would only give me 15.

That's the oldest trick in the book. You could be keeping the other five.

What, you really think I'd do that?

That's not very nice.

Bloody swine that he is!

Does that mean we get seven and a half each?

I'm never doing business with that guy again.

Right.

Look, mate, I'm sorry I said that about the other five.

Don't worry about it, I'd probably have done the same.

Look, I'm sorry too.

What for?

For letting him shaft us.

I suppose we're in nae position to take the moral high ground, are we?

No.

Lenny...

Lenny, here...

There's two payments there.

-Things must be picking up for you right enough, eh?

-Aye.

What's your pal's name again?

-Angus?

-Angus.

Angus must know a lot of people that need their cars fixed, eh?

Aye, he's a good guy to know.

Right, well, I'd better head. See you later.

-Hiya.

-Hi.

Glad you could join us.

Have you ever known me to turn down a drink?

-Stella, how did you get on?

-Aye, fine.

-It was better than fine.

-Cheers for backing me up.

Right, I'll leave youse in peace, I'll see you later.

-All right.

-Right, bye.

-Bye.

-So, I've been thinking about your invite.

-And?

It'll cost a fortune.

I'm no' paying for it, I won it in a charity raffle last year,

and if I don't use it soon, it'll run out.

Right, you're on.

What, you're up for it?

If I'm still invited.

Well, I wish you'd told me last night.

-I've given it away to my wee cousin and her boyfriend.

-What?

I'm supposed to be working in London anyway.

Ach, well, don't worry about it, these things happen.

Oh, very good, aye(!)

As if I believed you anyway.

Wild horses couldn't keep me away.

Can I have another red wine, please?

Oh!

You forget something, Father?

Monsignor now.

-Any joy?

-Well, I've been trying the usual suspects,

but nobody's biting.

The one left -

-I'm going to pop along and see him the now.

-Good.

There is something else.

I'm listening.

I left something in the car, it's... it's more of a personal nature.

I see.

I really can't have it coming to public attention, you know,

-man of my position.

-Yeah.

So...I was hoping I'd have your discretion.

Yeah, you've got it.

-Maybe you'd like an explanation?

-No, no, it's all right.

-I'm no' very good with confessions.

-Aye.

I'll be in touch...Monsignor.

-Oh, you got a problem there?

-Just looking.

Lenny Murdoch - it's been a while, eh?

-I'm interested in this one.

-Aye, it's no' for sale.

C'mon, Rab. Everything's for sale.

I've sold it, it's getting picked up tomorrow night.

I could really be doing with one like that,

any more where it came fae?

I only sell to the foreign market.

Give me the name of your supplier?

You know me better than that.

Fair enough.

If you change your mind, though, you let me know, eh?

I don't think so.

MUSIC PLAYS: "Tequila" by The Champs

-There you go, troops.

-Cheers, mate.

Cheers, my man. Here, keep the change.

Why's everybody throwing it about today?

Right, get it down you.

That's more like it, man.

How many of them did we do down at the club last night?

Lost count.

Let's go. See you later!

THEY CHUCKLE

-MUSIC SWITCHES

-This is total garbage.

-How can anybody listen to this?

-I don't know.

IMITATES GREGORIAN CHANT

Subo, eat your heart out.

Nah, I'm more of a Beethoven man mysel'.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Ssh!

Did anybody see us come in?

I think one of you boys dropped something?

A wee souvenir from your night out clubbing?

Hmm?

Well, I hope "Alison" was worth it.

Tell me, have you ever heard the phrase,

"Don't shit on your own doorstep"?

Look...

Mr Murdoch, I think you've picked us up wrong.

Bob, tell your pal not to insult my intelligence.

Shut up, Angus.

-You know how bad this makes me look?

-Nobody needs to find out.

Shut up, Angus!

I knew youse was up to something dodgy, but stealing to order?

Not exactly a Brain of Britain moment, was it?

Honestly, I don't know who's feeding you this, but it's a lot of rubbish.

See, if you don't shut up, son, I'm going

to use this to rip your tongue out

and force-feed it to him, you get me?

Now, this car belongs to a friend of mine.

Look, we can explain...

Angus, gonnae shut up.

So...what do you want from us?

This friend of mine, he's a very important man,

I don't want to be letting him down.

How can we fix this?

You bring that car back here 6pm tomorrow, as good as it was.

No chance, the guy that bought it's a headcase...

Who, Big Rab?

D'you know him?

Oh, I know him. He'll be wanting his money back and a couple of grand

for the bother.

-We've not got two grand.

-You'd better find it, then.

And just for future reference, "Ant",

I think you should let "Dec" here do the talking.

SPANNER CLATTERS

Let me explain something to you -

we are in big trouble.

The kind even YOU won't be able to talk your way out of.

How are we gonnae get the car back?

We arenae, YOU are.

It could be worse.

How?

I'm getting blitzed.

Me too.

# MUSIC: "Clint Eastwood" by Gorillaz

# Oh hoo hoo hoo hoo

# I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad

# I got sunshine in a bag

# I'm useless, but not for long

# The future is coming on

# I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad

# I got sunshine in a bag

# I'm useless, but not for long

# The future is coming on

# It's coming on It's coming on

# It's coming on, it's coming on

# Finally someone let me out of my cage

# Now, time for me is nothing cos I'm counting no age

# Now, I couldn't be there Now, you shouldn't be scared

# I'm good at repairs And I'm under each snare

# Intangible - bet you didn't think so I command you to

# Panoramic view Look, I'll make it all manageable

# Pick and choose, sit and lose, all you... #

MUSIC OFF

HE SIGHS

All right, Ma?

First thing, you need to calm your jets with that drinking.

I'll never drink again.

Second thing, that money you gave me yesterday,

where did it come from?

I'm no' complaining, it's just been bothering me.

Ma, look...

..about that money, I was wondering if...

I just need to know where it's come from.

It's all the jobs I've done recently that paid cash-in-hand -

the stuff that I kept from the taxman.

We've been skint for ages.

Why did you not dip into it before now?

I didn't know if I was goin' to get to keep it.

I thought the taxman would be after me.

Oh, Bubba, you're a wee gem.

That'll go a long way to help me sleep at night, I tell you that.

Good. Nice one. Glad I was able to help, Ma.

Wonders will never cease, what are you doing up?

I didn't want to get water-boarded again.

Dry your eyes, it was a wee joke.

Your Granda' used to do it all the time - never done me any harm.

Right, you two, I'll see youse later. I need to go.

-All right, mate - is Angus in?

-Aye, in you go.

Angus, can I talk to you?

Er... Not just now, no.

-It's about Murray.

-Later.

I've got some stuff I need to sort out.

What are you doin'?

I've just been to the garage and I can't get in.

I had to come back here and get freshened up.

While I'm locked out of my own garage. What d'you do that for?

Mate, I'm sorry. Seemed like a good idea at the time.

Well, I've got drunk, I've slept on it and I'm still none the wiser.

What are we gonnae we do?

We could offer to buy it back.

We could get our legs broken here...

or worse.

I'll volunteer to do yours.

How're we goin' to sort this out?

C'mon.

I've got a Volvo V50 with only 30,000 miles on the clock.

What?!

Are you nuts?

I'd be giving it away at that price.

I've got another one here, aye.

-That's it.

-Are you sure?

Aye! I helped put it there.

So what now?

Why don't I just go in and talk to him?

Nah... I don't think the big man's much of a listener.

All right then, let's go.

Look, I'm against stealing,

but I don't think you've got much of an option here.

Me? It's you that's gonnae steal it.

-Me?!

-Aye - he's already seen me. It's gonnae have to be you.

-I don't know if I can do that!

-Bob, it's now or never.

That car will be on its way to Russia by tonight.

Aye - and if the motor goes to Russia, we're dead.

Aye, so just be careful

because the big man'll go crazy if he catches you.

Any more helpful hints?

Listen, hen,

I don't care what your day's been like, you should have had

a driver out here to pick up that refurbished Fiat an hour ago.

Do you think I'm running a charity here?

HE WHISTLES

CAR ALARM WAILS

I'll call you back.

Who the hell are YOU?

I've been sent over to pick up the refurbished Fiat.

You're late.

Do you want me to pick it up or not?

Sign there and there.

Ho?

What?

The keys to the Fiat?

-Mate, there's hunners of different keys.

-What?

Just try them all.

Come on!

Mate, you've already tried that one!

Ssh!

CAR LOCK BLEEPS

ENGINE REVS

INDISTINCT SHOUTING

-Wahey-hey!

-Yes!

-We did it!

-No, mate, you did it.

I cannae believe we got away with it.

I just hope we don't bump into Big Rab on a dark night.

Don't you worry about that, I'll be staying in for a while.

You're a natural! Here, we should do this again.

Absolutely no chance.

Dare me to put my foot down, see what she's like?

There's the polis!

-It's all right, they're miles away.

-Told you this was goin' to happen!

Calm down.

What do you mean calm down? It's the polis!

I'm on it!

No chance.

-Sod this - I'm off.

-Bob...

Bob!

SIREN WAILS

Bob!

Bob!

They weren't looking for us.

Bob!

Come back, you total fandan.

Come on.

You think it's funny, aye?

Look at the state of my trainers!

Get a new pair.

What?

Oh, mate - you're stinkin'.

Mate, I swear to God...

All right!

SIREN WAILS

We should head back.

No! Not until the polis are away.

How many times do I need to tell you, they're not after us.

Five more minutes, all right?

What?

Shut up.

Thanks.

What?

Nothing.

Did you know that Murray's gone?

I heard.

For good?

Apparently.

That's really bad, isn't it?

Well...

..maybe it's for the best.

I'm really sorry.

So am I.

We need to get on with things though, both of us.

We need to get cleaned up.

We need to stash this somewhere safe.

What are we going to say to Lenny?

Funnily enough, that's just what I was thinking.

Lenny, I'm sorry. We got chased by the polis.

You can see the motor's outside, but...

The back seats are a wee bit dirty.

The owner's not gonnae be best pleased, is he?

Like I tell you, he's a friend of mine.

He wants to meet youse both.

Really?

Oh, aye, you can give him his keys back personally.

Ah-ah.

I'll take care of that for you.

He's no' going to read me my last rites, is he?

You picked the wrong car to steal.

Let me introduce you.

Mickey Laverty - Monsignor Laverty to you.

One of the best middleweights this city's ever seen.

That was a long time ago.

I cannae believe we stole a motor from a priest!

What's the difference?

About two decades of the rosary!

Look, it was my fault.

It was all my fault.

Nothing been removed?

-No.

-No.

-Good.

-Well...

I reckon the Monsignor needs a wee donation -

just for the inconvenience.

What?

Really, boys - that's really generous.

I know the Sisters of Asumpta have a badly leaking roof.

That's our money.

Shut it!

Look, we're really, really sorry.

Everybody happy?

Right, off you go then, boys.

Keep yourself out of trouble, eh?

We'll say a wee prayer for you, eh?

-Think he's untouchable cos he's got a collar on.

-Just leave it, mate.

What a day, man.

I'll have a wee think about what we do next.

Don't bother.

We're skint. We need the money.

I know a guy that'll help us.

Shut up, Angus.

What're you laughing at now?

I'm just laughing at you getting stuck in the mud, man.

It's not funny.

It was.

Shut up, man.

THEY CHUCKLE

Honestly, man - I was pure miserable yesterday,

but you'd cheer anybody up.

The night's still young.

Haud on a minute.

Oh, no!

What?

Hey, Alison...

..it's Angus, how're you doin'?

Anniversary breakfast is served.

Anniversary?

Us moving in together.

I'm sorry, I'm not really into that kinda thing.

The Delaney, could you manage a few hours down there?

Aye, that'd be good.

He says jump, you'll be like, "Oh, how high?"

-Who lives there, anyway?

-Just a girl.

A girl? Is that it?

-I'm looking for Eric.

-He's not here.

I know. That's why I came.

I bet you a tenner I can get her on a date.

Like candy fae a baby.

-Hey, Zinny?

-Here we go.

'Alex has asked me if I can do the rest of the day.'

Daein' a bit of overtime, aye?

Stevie!

You knew she wisnae meant to be working today!

It's our anniversary!

Stella, you should have said.