O Brave New World Shakespeare & Hathaway - Private Investigators


O Brave New World

Comedy drama about two private detectives. Frank Hathaway finds an unlikely partner in Lu Shakespeare when the pair try to catch a killer and clear Lu's name.


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CAMERA BEEPS AND CLICKS

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INDISTINCT CHATTER

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DOG GROWLS

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MAN: Oi! Hey, you! Oi! Come back here!

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After him!

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Don't just sit there, drive!

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-Not until you've paid your fare, friend.

-What?

-Round trip,

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-plus waiting time

-Oh!

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Here. There's 20.

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Put your foot down!

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-You're a heart attack in waiting, Frank, you know that Frank?

-Go!

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-Heart attack.

-Drive!

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The Tudor Rose is a popular choice. Subtle yet sophisticated.

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Or the blushing beauty,

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tiger lilies,

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and my personal favourite, as it's modelled on my own wedding bouquet.

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I think subtle.

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I think a bride needs to stand out on her wedding day.

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I wouldn't worry on that score, darling. We'll go with the roses.

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-You haven't mentioned the honeymoon.

-Anywhere nice? Bora Bora.

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Clive insisted on somewhere remote and exotic. He spoils me.

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HORN HONKS

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-Hello, ladies.

-Oh, yes, he's quite the charmer.

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-Thanks for everything.

-Not at all.

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Anyone would think SHE was getting married.

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-Let's elope.

-Don't tempt me.

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-I thought we'd eat out tonight.

-Yeah. Yeah.

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You'll have to drop me in town first.

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Got to get a pedicure and a manicure.

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A bride needs to look her best, you know.

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I'd marry you in sackcloth and ashes.

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Audition?

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Walking tour of Stratford.

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I'm a wandering minstrel.

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-That's one way of putting it.

-Yeah, at least they pay me.

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-End of the week.

-You said that last week.

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Ongoing stolen vehicle case.

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I tracked the car down to a salvage yard in Evesham.

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I shall inform the client we've found the car,

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report the details to the police, case closed and money in the bank.

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Which leaves us a workplace comp claim

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-and a missing Westie.

-Oh!

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Oh, and a woman waiting in your office.

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Sebastian, get me a coffee.

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Excuse me.

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Frank Hathaway.

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How can I help you, Miss er..?

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Luella Shakespeare.

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Well, for the next 72 hours anyway,

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-cos I'm getting married on Saturday.

-Congratulations.

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I think my fiance might be having an affair!

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Right, er, I'm just going to stop you there.

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I don't do extra maritals.

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We're out of coffee, tea and milk.

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Well, take some money out the petty cash.

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And petty cash.

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Your... Your website said "no job too small" so, er...

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I've always seen adultery as a waste of me talent.

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I'm sure he could be persuaded to make an exception.

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For the appropriate financial incentive.

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Yes.

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Yes, erm, due to the incommodious time frame

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I would have to charge you double. That'd be 200.

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And £50.

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A day. Plus any incurred per diems.

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Would a thousand do as a retainer?

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He'll take it.

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Oh, good!

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Clive Brenton.

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And you've been together how long?

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13 weeks and 3 days.

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We met online, so it was a whirlwind romance.

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And his line of business?

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Company director.

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Of imports and exports.

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So what makes you think he's having an affair?

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Well, I asked him to take the day off to do the seating plans.

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"Wall-to-wall meetings", he said.

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And then I found this in his diary.

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It's a lunch reservation for two at La Mela Dell'Amore.

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-Pricey.

-Yeah, and intimate.

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And then I found this, on his car seat.

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It's Autumn Sunset.

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Yeah. I'd know that shade anywhere.

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She's not even a natural redhead.

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It's Janice. His, erm, his secretary.

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I've seen the way she looks at him...

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I'll need a photo.

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Yeah.

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Yes!

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Er...

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HE MISPRONOUNCES ITEMS BADLY

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Please. And a carafe of red wine.

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Excuse me. Thanks.

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BEEPING

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-Cheers. Well Done.

-SHE LAUGHS

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Look. Isn't that sweet?

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-What do you think?

-Oh, fantastic.

-Is it good? I think she'll love it.

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He bought her a diamond!

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Well, that doesn't prove anything.

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Have you had much success with women, Frank? It's... It means...

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-He's back! He's back!

-Try not to do anything...

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..rash.

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Something smells nice.

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I'm starving.

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Oh, didn't make time for lunch, then?

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I took Janice to La Mela Dell'Amore.

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Hmm. Janice?

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Yeah, to say thank you for all her hard work.

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If I didn't know better, I'd say that you were jealous.

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Oh! Should I be?

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OK.

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You got me.

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I needed a woman's opinion...on this.

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It belonged to my grandmother.

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She'd have wanted you to have it.

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Oh, Clive!

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Oh, Clive, it's...

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THEY LAUGH

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Oh! Oh, Clive!

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Hi.

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Oh, yeah, wedding present from my Auntie Gwen.

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Her and my mum never got on.

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Right, so what couldn't wait?

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The case is closed.

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It was a complete misunderstanding.

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Look. It's a family heirloom, so...

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I should never have doubted him.

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At least let me finish those background checks.

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Your services are no longer required.

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What, you're going to sprint up the aisle with a bloke you met online?

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You hardly know him!

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Let me rephrase that - you're fired!

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Oh, well, don't say I didn't warn you.

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OK, so the groom's side is looking distinctly thin on the ground

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so I've moved Uncle Andy's mob over to pad them out.

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I mean, they'll be half cut when they arrive

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so I doubt they'll even notice.

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What do you think?

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Oh, yeah!

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Right, well...

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I certainly think you've made the most of what you've got.

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OK!

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And there you have it that's our vintage solitaire only 79.99,

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plus postage and packaging.

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What can I say except I can't believe they're not diamonds!

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-Jack?

-Well, you certainly had me fooled, Diane.

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-Huh!

-Now, you too can enjoy the look...

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Family heirloom, my...

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Clive Brenton used several dating sites under different aliases.

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Either he suffers from multiple personality disorder

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or the man's a compulsive liar.

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-Romance fraud.

-There we go, Frank.

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Oh, cheers, Will.

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It's all the rage at the moment.

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Right.

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And?

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And she fired me.

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Apparently it was all some big misunderstanding.

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She's marrying a con man in less than an hour.

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Who will, in all probability, ruin her life and render her destitute.

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Mm-hm?

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Maybe someone needs to warn her?

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Maybe somebody already did.

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"Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit..."

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-Veronica Vinten. Wedding planner. You are?

-I'm with the bride.

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If any person present knows of any lawful impediment to this marriage,

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he or she should declare it now.

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HATHAWAY COUGHS LOUDLY

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HE MOUTHS

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Um...excuse me.

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You interrupted my wedding to tell me he lied on his dating profile?!

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He's not the man you think he is.

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Mine says I'm an outdoorsy girl who likes to cook.

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-You hired me to -

-I hired you to find out if he was having an affair.

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-Is he?

-Well, no, not to my knowledge but...

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I'd like this man removed.

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You're making a big mistake!

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You're strong.

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Just a drunk. Wandered into the wrong wedding.

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So, erm, as you were.

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We were... We were here.

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So, er, if any person present knows of any lawful impediment to this

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marriage, he or she should declare it now.

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Lovely.

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THEY CHUCKLE

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Clive William Brenton and Luella May Shakespeare,

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your vows are your promises to each other.

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"Love's gentle spring doth always fresh remain."

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"Love is all truth Lust full of forged lies."

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By the giving and receiving of rings,

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I therefore proclaim that they are husband and wife.

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APPLAUSE

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Well, he's certainly got Auntie Gwen in the palm of his hand.

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You are happy for me though?

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Oh, I-I-I think you've done very well.

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Under the circumstances.

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Thank you.

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Thanks.

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Ladies, if I may?

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-Oh!

-Oh!

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Cheers.

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I hope it's not too late for you to make me a grandmother.

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I've only been married 20 minutes!

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Well, you know what they say - old hens don't lay eggs.

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If my Tudor Rose will excuse me, I left my speech in our room.

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Oh, OK. Don't be long.

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Yes, I'm going to freshen up.

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-Make sure you talk to all the cousins.

-Yep. Yes.

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Are you a cousin?

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Excuse me.

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It's time for the toasts and we seem to be minus the groom.

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Oh, yes. He popped upstairs to get his speech, so...

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-I'll fetch him.

-No, it's fine. His wife can go.

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You. Again!

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-Five minutes with the bride.

-Five seconds until he throws you out.

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-Well, can you give her a message?

-Three, two...

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-Just tell her...

-..one.

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WOMAN SCREAMS

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-Afternoon. DI Marlowe. Arden Constabulary.

-This way, please.

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You know disturbing a crime scene is a criminal offence?

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Well, you took your time.

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Single blow to the abdomen with a thin-bladed instrument.

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Bled out on the carpet.

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Er, the door is self-closing.

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Someone wiped the handle clean

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-Just appraising you of the facts.

-You're not my boss any more, Frank.

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You miss me. Go on, admit it.

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-Murder weapon?

-Er...

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Well, you might want to bag that up, yeah.

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-It's missing a pair of scissors.

-Yeah, got it.

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100 wedding guests, 15 waiting staff,

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a hotel with 80 occupied rooms, and a waitress who wants us

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to investigate the theft of a pair of shoes from the staff cloakroom.

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We could be looking for hairdresser's scissors.

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Funny, that.

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Bride used to own a hair salon. Sold it after she got engaged.

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Cordon off the area. Full sweep. No-one leaves till I say so.

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-Got it?

-Yeah. What is he doing here?

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Good question.

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Constable Keyfob.

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It's Keeler and it's Detective Sergeant now.

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Who'd have thought?

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-I'm waiting for an explanation, Frank.

-Well, bride hired me.

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-Client confidentiality.

-You're not a bloody lawyer, Frank.

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He's not even a copper. Not any more.

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-Meow.

-OK!

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You either fill me in now

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or I arrest you for obstructing a murder inquiry.

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So you hired a private investigator because you suspected your fiance

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-was having an affair with his secretary?

-It...

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Well, it was all a misunderstanding, so it's...

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Do you recognise this?

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That's my hairdressing pouch.

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I brought it with me so I could do my mum's hair.

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There appears to be a pair of scissors missing.

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Oh, do you think that's the murder weapon?

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Well, no doubt the postmortem will shed more light on that.

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And we have some CCTV footage taken from the hotel stairwell

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at 14:25 this afternoon.

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Yet no sign of this waiter you claim to have seen.

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No, I definitely passed him. I passed him on the stairs.

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Well, we've checked with the hotel and...no-one matching

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Che Guevara's description works here.

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I need to speak to Frank Hathaway.

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Turn that thing off!

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-Well...

-BELL DINGS

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..you'll be pleased to hear we're back on the case.

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I'm positively ecstatic.

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Did those, erm, background checks throw up anything?

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Er...just some stuff from Companies House.

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Brenton Exports. No registration of any such company.

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Janice, isn't it?

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-You were at the wedding.

-Yeah, I'm a private investigator.

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Frank Hathaway.

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I was hired by Mrs Brenton.

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Going somewhere?

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The landlord served an eviction notice, it doesn't make any sense.

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So, how long have you worked for Mr Brenton?

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Six-month contract.

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I came through a temping agency.

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So you weren't aware his business was bogus, then?

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I just did the filing and answered the phone.

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Any idea of anyone that might want to do him any harm?

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He always said she didn't trust him.

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Fond of the boss, were you?

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I hope they lock her up and throw away the key!

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Janice - jilted lover and woman scorned.

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If she couldn't have Clive, no-one would.

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"And wet my cheeks with artificial tears."

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They were genuine.

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I can tell when a woman's faking it.

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I'm sure you've had plenty of experience.

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Why don't you get in touch with the wedding photographer?

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We've got the widow's authority to get the video footage.

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-And where are you off to?

-Arden nick.

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They gotta charge her soon or let her go.

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Oh, sorry - slipped my mind - they released her 20 minutes ago.

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Last heard of headed back to the scene of the crime.

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HE GROANS

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I'm here to collect my honeymoon cases.

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I'll handle this, Derek.

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On behalf of the hotel, I'd like to extend our sympathies for your loss.

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However, we have impounded your luggage until the outstanding amount

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has been settled,

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which is £18,608.49.

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We didn't charge you for the toasting champagne.

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I'm sorry if we've caused you any inconvenience.

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Three wedding cancellations already this morning.

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Which is probably a blessing as the bridal suite

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is cordoned off as a murder scene.

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-MACHINE BEEPS

-Hm.

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It seems your payment has been declined.

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Please hold. An operator will be with you shortly.

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Seems your instincts about Janice were right.

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Clive was more than just the boss.

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And I thought things couldn't get any worse.

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Actually, they can.

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His business was a front.

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Brenton Exports doesn't exist.

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What have you done?

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I've invested all the money from the sale of the salon.

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How much?

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250,000.

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Come on.

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Where?

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Your place.

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Files, phones, computers.

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Can't have invested all that money in a bogus business.

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All we have to do is find a trail.

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You do believe I'm innocent, then?

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Well, I wouldn't be here if I didn't, would I?

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But seeing as now it's a murder case I will have to charge premium rates.

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If there's a killer out there I want danger money.

0:23:200:23:22

-MAN:

-Arden Banking. How can I help you?

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My bank account was emptied this morning.

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Well, not by a corpse.

0:23:340:23:36

Looks like Clive had a partner in crime.

0:23:360:23:38

I have been a victim of fraud!

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I need to tell the police.

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What, that you fell for a smooth-talking con man?

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Yet another motive for murder. CPS would have a field day.

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I really thought he loved me, you know.

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Oh, how could I be so stupid?

0:23:520:23:55

You'd be surprised how easily people can be conned.

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Go on, then, say it - I told you so.

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Let's just concentrate on getting your money back, shall we?

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Hang on.

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Stay there.

0:24:260:24:27

Frank! Frank!

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Hey, hey. No, no, no, no!

0:24:590:25:01

Frank!

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Argh! My eyes!

0:25:020:25:05

Sorry!

0:25:050:25:06

Sorry!

0:25:110:25:12

ENGINE STARTS

0:25:120:25:13

Ow! Be careful!

0:25:210:25:23

I'm telling you, it was Che Guevara. Did you not see the resemblance?

0:25:230:25:26

-Hardly - you blinded me.

-Yes, I said I'm sorry.

0:25:260:25:29

-What was on the laptop that's so important?

-I don't know.

0:25:290:25:32

It's Clive's work computer.

0:25:320:25:34

Did you at least get a decent look at the car?

0:25:340:25:37

White.

0:25:370:25:38

Ish.

0:25:380:25:39

It was cream, sort of. It was more of a vanilla.

0:25:390:25:42

Well, was it a saloon? Hatch back? Estate? Did it have four wheels?

0:25:420:25:46

I don't know. I can't think while you're shouting at me.

0:25:460:25:49

-It was, er...

-Well, did...

-Sh!

0:25:490:25:51

D-A-1-5

0:25:520:25:56

M-S-X.

0:25:560:25:59

It's the registration.

0:25:590:26:01

And there was an air freshener.

0:26:010:26:03

And there was a logo on it and that said...

0:26:030:26:08

..Hot Wheels Car Hire.

0:26:080:26:10

-The cleaners finished an hour ago.

-Yeah, I'm here for your hardware.

0:26:180:26:22

Terminally Clean. Customised commercial cleaning solutions.

0:26:220:26:26

They didn't tell me you were coming.

0:26:260:26:28

Just need to disinfect your keyboard.

0:26:280:26:30

More germs on that than your average toilet seat.

0:26:300:26:33

Yeah, your colleague does the evening shift,

0:26:340:26:37

tapping away for hours...

0:26:370:26:38

Morning.

0:26:410:26:42

Where have his fingers been?

0:26:450:26:47

Five minutes.

0:26:490:26:50

Thiago Cabrera.

0:27:130:27:15

Panamanian national, over here on business.

0:27:150:27:18

Did Clive ever do any work in Panama?

0:27:180:27:21

He never really talked about his job.

0:27:210:27:24

See, if he's been mixing with dangerous people

0:27:240:27:27

we could be looking at a professional hit.

0:27:270:27:29

With hairdressing scissors?

0:27:290:27:32

Ask him yourself.

0:27:320:27:34

I got the address where he's staying.

0:27:340:27:36

Sebastian, I could kiss you!

0:27:360:27:39

Please don't.

0:27:390:27:41

ALARM RINGS

0:27:460:27:49

KNOCK ON DOOR

0:27:490:27:51

DOOR HANDLE RATTLES

0:27:510:27:52

-Police?

-You should be so lucky.

0:28:040:28:06

You can forget your human rights and tell me about Clive Brenton.

0:28:060:28:09

Pocket. Card.

0:28:090:28:11

What?

0:28:110:28:13

Pocket. Card.

0:28:130:28:15

What?

0:28:150:28:16

-There's a card in my pocket!

-Oh.

0:28:160:28:19

If this is an English apology, it's no wonder you are constantly at war.

0:28:310:28:35

It tastes like your weather.

0:28:350:28:37

The laptop?

0:28:370:28:39

Encrypted files.

0:28:400:28:42

Which my client hopes will lead to the whereabouts of monies

0:28:420:28:44

-that are rightfully hers.

-Your client being?

0:28:440:28:47

Valentina Sanchez Garcia Beralta Rodriguez.

0:28:470:28:52

A former business associate of an Englishman who went missing,

0:28:520:28:56

presumed drowned in a swimming accident off Bocas del Toro in 2012.

0:28:560:29:01

Tragic.

0:29:010:29:02

For my client.

0:29:020:29:04

This man was in possession of a great deal of her money.

0:29:040:29:07

So imagine her surprise when he resurfaces alive and well

0:29:070:29:11

under the alias Clive Brenton.

0:29:110:29:13

You were at the murder scene, weren't you?

0:29:150:29:19

Looking for this.

0:29:190:29:21

He was already dead when I entered the room.

0:29:210:29:24

I doubt the police would have been understanding.

0:29:240:29:26

They'd have had you cautioned and locked up in no time.

0:29:260:29:29

May I enquire, what was your rank?

0:29:320:29:35

That obvious?

0:29:350:29:37

Former Capitan Cabrera of the Panama National Police.

0:29:370:29:41

Ex-Detective Inspector Hathaway. Arden CID.

0:29:410:29:45

Well, Detective, I have what I need to take back to my client.

0:29:460:29:51

Er, in return,

0:29:510:29:53

I need a name.

0:29:530:29:54

"Brian Bettsworth married bride Ronnie in St Oswald's Church,

0:29:560:30:00

"Wentworth, before honeymooning in Central America.

0:30:000:30:03

"An idyll tainted by tragedy

0:30:030:30:05

"when Mr Bettsworth failed to return from a midnight swim.

0:30:050:30:09

"A resort spokesperson said, 'Our sympathies are with his wife

0:30:090:30:13

"'who is receiving all our assistance at this terrible time.'"

0:30:130:30:17

He had an ex-wife.

0:30:170:30:19

Dead men don't get divorced.

0:30:210:30:23

I married a bigamist!

0:30:240:30:26

Yeah, but look on the bright side -

0:30:260:30:29

we got another suspect.

0:30:290:30:31

Somewhere out there is a grieving widow.

0:30:350:30:38

-Clearly he's done it before.

-What did the police say?

0:30:380:30:41

Ah, Marlowe said she'd follow it up. She didn't seem that interested.

0:30:410:30:44

Yeah, bet she did. Too busy trying to pin it on me still!

0:30:440:30:48

Well, well, it's lucky I found us another lead.

0:30:480:30:52

Hey! Who said you could touch that?

0:30:520:30:54

-Most of these files are encrypted.

-Yeah, we know that already.

0:30:540:30:57

Except a few photo albums. Corporate stuff mainly,

0:30:570:31:00

but look at this.

0:31:000:31:01

Six months she said they'd been working together.

0:31:030:31:05

2012?

0:31:080:31:10

They've been working together for years.

0:31:110:31:13

Janice Bardolph served a 12-month sentence for credit card fraud

0:31:160:31:21

-in 2010.

-And before you suggest going to the police AGAIN,

0:31:210:31:25

if she gets arrested now you can kiss your hard-earned cash goodbye.

0:31:250:31:29

Have you never thought of the benefits of a big 4x4?

0:31:320:31:37

Don't you listen to him.

0:31:370:31:39

There's a name for women like you.

0:31:390:31:41

Objectum sexuals.

0:31:410:31:44

Like that bird that married the Eiffel Tower.

0:31:440:31:47

At least it won't bigamously marry her and steal all her money.

0:31:470:31:51

So what's the story with you and DI Marlowe?

0:31:550:31:59

Purely professional.

0:31:590:32:00

Oh, right.

0:32:000:32:02

So you're an ex-policeman, then? I thought so, yeah.

0:32:020:32:05

So what happened? What, you fail the yearly medical?

0:32:050:32:08

Can we just stick to the case in hand, please?

0:32:080:32:10

Ooh. Hello.

0:32:120:32:15

Waxing parlour, beachwear boutique and summer highlights.

0:32:150:32:18

I'd say she was planning a holiday.

0:32:180:32:20

-Ooh, quite the detective.

-Do you think?

0:32:200:32:23

Come on, put your foot down!

0:32:250:32:27

Stay here.

0:32:500:32:51

And this time I mean it.

0:32:510:32:53

SHE EXHALES

0:33:000:33:02

Well, well. Fancy seeing you here.

0:33:050:33:08

I, er, I think that belongs to my client.

0:33:080:33:11

Huh. How much do you reckon's in there?

0:33:300:33:32

Ooh, around 250K.

0:33:320:33:35

I was the only partner that ever mattered! He owed me!

0:33:350:33:38

Yeah, well, you can call it a citizen's arrest,

0:33:390:33:42

I just call it reckless vigilantism.

0:33:420:33:44

Clive Brenton was a serial bigamist.

0:33:440:33:47

Three wives that we know of and counting.

0:33:470:33:49

All the evidence is on here.

0:33:490:33:51

Been fleecing vulnerable women for years.

0:33:550:33:58

Sad, desperate women,

0:33:580:34:01

-weak-willed, pathetic...

-All right, Frank, they get the gist.

0:34:010:34:04

Janice was his partner in crime.

0:34:050:34:07

The only other person with access to his bank accounts.

0:34:070:34:09

She got greedy, killed him, made off with the money.

0:34:090:34:13

So where's this hold-all full of cash, then?

0:34:130:34:16

Did... Did you see a hold-all?

0:34:160:34:17

A hold-all? What did it look like?

0:34:170:34:19

OK, Janice Bardolph didn't kill anyone.

0:34:190:34:21

She's got a cast-iron alibi and the video footage proves

0:34:210:34:24

that she didn't leave the venue during the murder window.

0:34:240:34:27

And we found them missing scissors. Dropped out of the hotel window.

0:34:270:34:30

-Well, that doesn't prove anything.

-No, not yet.

0:34:300:34:33

Forensics are testing them now.

0:34:330:34:35

I wouldn't go too far if I were you.

0:34:350:34:38

Well, that went well, didn't it, Frank?!

0:34:420:34:44

-At least we got your money back.

-I can't spend it in prison, can I?

0:34:530:34:58

Why don't you get an early night?

0:34:580:35:00

Yeah, it may be the last one you spend in your own bed.

0:35:000:35:03

-I'm just saying -

-No-one's going to prison, OK?

0:35:030:35:07

We've still got the ex-wife to find.

0:35:070:35:08

A woman that size should never wear strapless.

0:35:080:35:12

And tiger lilies at a wedding, so passe.

0:35:120:35:15

It's about time you left this to the professionals.

0:35:150:35:18

Don't worry your little head about it, pet.

0:35:180:35:20

Turn that thing off!

0:35:330:35:34

Hi. I've come to settle my bill.

0:36:120:36:15

In cash.

0:36:150:36:17

£18,608.49.

0:36:180:36:22

Well, it's highly irregular. But I suppose under the circumstances

0:36:220:36:25

-I'm willing to make an exception.

-Thanks.

0:36:250:36:28

-I'll ask the concierge to bring down your bags.

-Aw, you're very kind.

0:36:280:36:31

I'm lucky I found you, aren't I? Although, if I remember correctly,

0:36:310:36:35

it was you that contacted me, wasn't it?

0:36:350:36:37

I keep a file.

0:36:370:36:39

Yeah, that was it, Clive didn't want an engagement announcement,

0:36:390:36:42

but my mother did. She wanted everything done properly.

0:36:420:36:46

-So she just sent a photo into the paper without telling us.

-Mothers.

0:36:460:36:49

Always think they know best.

0:36:490:36:52

Is that when you realised your husband was still alive?

0:36:520:36:55

The blushing beauty bouquet modelled on your own wedding.

0:37:070:37:12

I mean, without that I'd just, I would never have recognised you.

0:37:120:37:15

-You must have lost what, 50 pounds?

-54, actually.

0:37:150:37:19

After I was widowed I thought a change was in order.

0:37:300:37:33

New hair. New nose.

0:37:340:37:37

New job.

0:37:370:37:39

Wedding planning.

0:37:390:37:41

There's irony. Especially when your late husband pops up

0:37:410:37:45

with another unsuspecting bride.

0:37:450:37:48

You must have hated him.

0:37:480:37:50

Six days of wedded bliss

0:37:500:37:53

and then widowed on the other side of the world

0:37:530:37:56

in a country where I didn't even speak the language.

0:37:560:37:59

Although I did become very fluent in Spanish condolences.

0:38:010:38:05

I'm, er, guessing he's not all that went missing.

0:38:050:38:10

-Clean you out, did he?

-My savings.

0:38:100:38:13

Money from the sale of the house.

0:38:130:38:15

My hopes and dreams.

0:38:160:38:18

-Sorry, I was, er...

-Expecting someone else?

0:38:220:38:25

Don't you recognise me, Brian?

0:38:270:38:29

-Ronnie?

-It's Veronica now.

0:38:340:38:37

So much more refined, don't you think?

0:38:370:38:39

My God, you've changed.

0:38:390:38:42

You haven't.

0:38:420:38:44

Just older.

0:38:440:38:46

Grey hair.

0:38:460:38:48

-What do you want?

-The money you stole from me.

0:38:480:38:51

Every penny of it.

0:38:510:38:53

-Sorry, all gone.

-Well, my money is, perhaps.

0:38:530:38:57

Don't you have another victim now?

0:38:570:38:59

Bora Bora?

0:38:590:39:01

Another honeymoon accident, is that the plan?

0:39:010:39:04

You're different.

0:39:040:39:06

I don't mean the nose job.

0:39:060:39:08

My money, Brian.

0:39:080:39:11

Or I call the police. You're looking at a seven-year stretch.

0:39:110:39:14

If I could turn back the clock,

0:39:200:39:23

make everything right between us...

0:39:230:39:25

The old me might have fallen for that.

0:39:250:39:28

I find the new you infinitely more attractive.

0:39:280:39:32

If you'd looked like this when I married you

0:39:320:39:36

I would have made the honeymoon last a little bit longer.

0:39:360:39:39

You should be thanking me.

0:39:510:39:53

I'm the prime suspect for this murder.

0:39:530:39:56

They haven't got enough evidence to convict either of us.

0:39:560:39:59

-And I'm only going to deny it.

-Well, you could try.

0:39:590:40:01

Although, I was talking to one of the waitresses.

0:40:010:40:04

She reported a pair of shoes stolen.

0:40:040:40:07

Er...pink shiny wedges.

0:40:090:40:13

£60, half price.

0:40:130:40:15

It's a bargain, that. Although she wasn't too chuffed

0:40:150:40:17

when someone nicked them out of her locker.

0:40:170:40:20

Cos, erm, you changed your footwear, didn't you?

0:40:200:40:24

Er...between 14:00 and 14:20.

0:40:240:40:29

So I borrowed a pair of shoes. Doesn't make me a murderer.

0:40:290:40:32

That depends on where you put the old ones.

0:40:320:40:34

In fact, the police are searching your house as we speak.

0:40:340:40:37

Frank! I've got them.

0:40:370:40:39

Ah, 48 minutes.

0:40:390:40:41

Not bad.

0:40:410:40:43

-You're a jammy sod, Frank.

-Don't mention it.

0:40:470:40:49

And, er, my client?

0:40:490:40:52

-Free to go.

-Oh!

0:40:520:40:54

I owe you.

0:41:020:41:04

Invoice is in the post.

0:41:040:41:06

We made a good team.

0:41:060:41:07

Do you want a lift?

0:41:090:41:10

Nah. I think I'll stretch me legs.

0:41:110:41:14

Stay out of trouble.

0:41:140:41:16

Right. I'm here to help you with the upward turn.

0:41:310:41:35

What you need is some positive psychology.

0:41:350:41:39

-What's this?

-A mini break in the Cotswolds.

0:41:390:41:42

I know it's not Bora Bora, but at least you'll have company.

0:41:420:41:47

The world is your oyster, Luella!

0:41:470:41:50

People will always need haircuts!

0:41:500:41:53

Luella? Luella!

0:41:580:42:02

-Might as well take that.

-What the hell's going on?

0:42:020:42:04

Francis Hathaway, yeah?

0:42:040:42:06

You've been served for a non-payment of business rates.

0:42:060:42:09

-Some guard dog you are.

-I was tuning my lute.

0:42:090:42:13

Look, it's just a short-term cash flow problem.

0:42:130:42:15

-Cut me some slack, just a couple of days.

-Sorry, mate, can't do that.

0:42:150:42:18

-How much does he owe you?

-None of your business.

0:42:180:42:20

-£3,622.

-Ooh.

0:42:200:42:23

I can cover that.

0:42:230:42:25

No! No, no, not the chair! I need me chair! No! No!

0:42:250:42:29

Oh, come on, you don't want to carry all that downstairs, do you?

0:42:290:42:33

-Put it down, Colin. Start unloading the van, yeah?

-Good man.

0:42:330:42:37

I don't know how you sleep at night!

0:42:400:42:43

I'll just go and do the..

0:42:430:42:45

That's it. I'll pay you back every penny.

0:42:470:42:50

Minus my outstanding invoice, obviously.

0:42:500:42:52

It's not a loan, Frank.

0:42:520:42:53

-I want into the business.

-No.

0:42:530:42:57

No!

0:42:570:42:58

I need a partner like I need a hole in the head.

0:42:580:43:01

You said we made a good team.

0:43:010:43:02

No, you said that, I just didn't...disabuse you.

0:43:020:43:06

I'm done with cutting hair, Frank.

0:43:060:43:08

I want to do something that makes a difference.

0:43:080:43:10

-Well, go volunteer in a soup kitchen, then.

-Frank,

0:43:100:43:12

you're up to your eyeballs in debt,

0:43:120:43:14

you've got an out-of-work actor answering the phones...

0:43:140:43:16

A RADA-trained out-of-work actor!

0:43:160:43:18

What this place needs, Frank, what it needs is a woman's touch,

0:43:180:43:22

you know, maybe some cushions, a bit of a throw.

0:43:220:43:24

-Oh, do let's go shopping for curtains.

-Curtains!

0:43:240:43:27

Do not encourage her!

0:43:270:43:29

You don't know the first thing about being a detective!

0:43:290:43:32

Yeah, but I know about people. That's a good start, isn't it?

0:43:320:43:36

How hard can it be? Come on, Frank, I can learn the rest.

0:43:360:43:38

I can learn it on the job. I'll learn from you.

0:43:380:43:41

What do you say, Frank - partners?

0:43:410:43:44

PHONE RINGS

0:43:470:43:50

Shakespeare and Hathaway, Private Investigators. How may I help you?

0:43:500:43:54

-Three months, trial basis.

-Six months. Joey?

0:43:540:43:57

When you've finished there,

0:43:570:43:58

I've got a curtain pole that needs putting up.

0:43:580:44:00

Please don't upset yourself, madam.

0:44:000:44:02

-Perhaps you'd prefer to speak to a female detective?

-Yes, yes!

0:44:020:44:05

-Put her through.

-Connecting you now.

0:44:050:44:07

Luella Shakespeare, how may I help you?

0:44:130:44:17

OK, no problem.

0:44:180:44:20

HE SIGHS

0:44:200:44:22

Frank Hathaway finds an unlikely partner in Lu Shakespeare when the pair are thrown together to catch a killer and clear Lu's name.


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