The Rascal Cook Shakespeare & Hathaway - Private Investigators

Excellent.

We'll see you on Friday, at eight o'clock.

Paulina! We didn't realise you'd be reviewing us again so soon.

Especially after last time.

Yes, well, I always like to give people a chance to redeem themselves.

Dita! Show Ms Stainton to table seven.

Yes, Mrs Tekler.

-But...

-Don't keep the customer waiting.

Yes, but table three!

Ten minutes on seven!

How we doing? Let's go!

-30 seconds, Chef.

-Len, the judge is here. Table three.

Milo! How are we doing on the poussin?

Coming now, Chef.

-What's this?!

-That's how you told me to make it.

This is a mess! This will not win me Arden Restaurant of the Year!

Service! Let's move! Come on!

Table three! Let's go! Let's go, let's go.

-Where are you going?

-I need some fresh air.

We're in the middle of service!

What the...

SCREAMING

What's happening now?

There's somebody there! There's somebody there.

-Are you there?

-What happened?

I don't know! I don't know! I don't...

Are you all just going to stand here?

Seriously.

-What's going on?

-Can we calm down?

Are you all right?

Yeah.

Are you sure? Need a minute?

No. I'm fine.

Hey, hey, hey.

I'll take this.

I need to apologise.

First time for everything.

Ladies and gentlemen, please accept my apologies for the power cut.

It's a very old building.

LAUGHTER

Enjoy.

One for me...

and one for you.

Thank you muchly.

Oh, er, cheers!

Oh, cheers!

No! Oh, no, you don't.

-Oi!

-What did you do that for?

Didn't want you to ruin your appetite.

-You've been invited for breakfast.

-Breakfast?! Where?

Hiverna.

Isn't that that posh place by the river?

My mate Samantha took her boyfriend there and it cost 200 quid!

Why are we getting a free meal?

They wouldn't say on the phone, but I did some digging online...

Hiverna...

And I found this food blog,

Unquiet Meals. Listen to this.

"When the end is nigh for a restaurant,

"legend states it'll be visited by the four horsemen of the

"gastronomic apocalypse - vermin, sickness, in-fighting

"and, eventually, death.

"Judging by their current rat infestation, Hiverna's future is looking bleak."

Rat infestation?

Bon appetit!

So this food blogger was here last night?

Paulina Stainton.

She's had it in for me since she first walked in the door.

Cecilia and I call her the Wicked Witch Of The West!

RINGING

Hello, Cecilia Tekler speaking.

Please eat.

Yes.

Yes, that's right.

Ooh.

Ah, so you've finally honoured us with your presence!

This is my son Milo.

Training him up for the family business, eh?

Well, there won't be a family business at this rate.

Get in the kitchen, start prepping.

Sorry, Dad.

That award should've been mine.

We've got no chance now.

This was sabotage! Someone did this and I want to know who.

Well, look, we'll go and see this Paula Stainton, but, erm, it might be an inside job.

No. It's a small team, very loyal.

Let us put a hidden camera in the kitchen, just in case.

Hopefully, we'll catch them in the act.

-Hopefully?

-Well, obviously, I can't promise anything, but...

I refuse to let somebody destroy this restaurant! I owe it to my brother.

Oh, does your brother work here, as well?

No.

We lost him years ago, but if it hadn't been for him, I wouldn't even be in this game.

Well, how about we place one of our colleagues undercover in the kitchen?

No! I didn't spend three years training at RADA to wash dishes and chop onions!

Oh, come on, what actor hasn't worked in a kitchen, eh?

And you have had worse jobs.

Remember when you were the mascot for Stratford Town and those little kids chased you down Knights Lane?

At least then I was performing.

This is a performance.

And when you're famous and you're invited onto MasterChef, just think,

this kind of experience will be invaluable.

I suppose I could use some tips on how to stop my souffles deflating...

Keep your station clean at all times.

Red board's for raw meat, yellow's for cooked,

blue's fish, white's dairy, brown's vegetables,

green's salad or fruit.

# I can sing a rainbow, sing a rainbow... #

Where do you say you were before?

The Marinated Squirrel.

Mm. It's one of those pop-up places.

Very exclusive. Lots of foraging.

Just make sure you taste everything before sending it to the pass.

My dad can be brutal.

Taste everything.

Gotcha.

Too hot?

Too hot.

Dita! This is Sebastian.

Dad's giving him a trial.

Oh, good luck!

Thanks.

I, erm, heard about the...

..rodent incident.

Oh, don't! I feel sick just thinking about it.

Mm. Do you know how it happened?

You do, don't you?!

Not for sure.

So, you know that food critic, Paulina What's-Her-Face?

Milo saw her, just after the lights came back on.

I need to apologise.

First time for everything!

-Problem with your electrics?

-Sorry. Sorted now.

Your father never was the brightest spark.

Will you tell your dad?

He'd just shout his head off at her without any proof.

We've had enough bad publicity.

Come, I'll show you the pantry.

Uh, just need to, er, powder my nose first.

"Powder my nose"? Where did your dad find him?

No idea.

I don't know why anyone would spend 200 quid on a meal

when there's a perfectly good chippy round the corner.

I don't mind forking out for good food, so long as it doesn't come with a side order of rat.

Oh, speaking of which, Sebastian thinks that Paulina Stainton was in the right place at the right time.

I think that's her.

Ms Stainton?

Oh, yes, greetings! Do join me.

Er, thanks again for agreeing to meet with us.

Hope it wasn't too far out of your way.

It's one of the only places around here that does a decent coffee.

Oh, no, it's fine.

Like I said on the phone, Len Tekler hired us to...

Yes, and before you ask, I had nothing to do with the rat.

There are dozens of people who'd like to see Len Tekler humiliated.

Such as?

Disgruntled employees, dissatisfied customers...

Or just anyone with a modicum of good taste, really.

I thought the, er, the food at Hiverna was supposed to be quite highly rated?

It's won enough awards, hasn't it?

It's a tourist trap and the menu's passable, I suppose,

but no better than you'd find at many cheaper places.

And as for Len Tekler, the man's a delusional despot.

Not to mention his wandering hands.

Did you notice the new girl, the new waitress he's got working for him?

Something tells me she didn't get the job because of her extensive silver-service training!

Mm. If you hate Hiverna so much, how come you keep going back?

I mean, we've found half a dozen reviews that you've written in the last year.

Yes, because I owe it to my readers to keep up with any menu changes.

Some people might think you have a personal vendetta against him.

Perhaps I have.

But if I attack someone, I do so using the written word, not a deceased rodent.

RINGING

Sorry. Oh, excuse me.

Hello, Sebastian, we're in the mid... What? Oh, all right, all right.

Calm-calm down.

What's happened?

What have you done? You've only been here a couple of hours!

It wasn't me! During lunch, the customers just started dropping like flies.

Nausea, stomach cramps, and worse.

The toilets look like a scene from The Exorcist.

Urgh, that's too much information.

-Food poisoning?

-How should I know?!

Well, did you see anything suspicious?

Nothing, but it's such a mad rush during service...

-Excuse me.

-Oh.

Do you think someone tampered with the food?

Bit of a coincidence otherwise.

By the way, Mr Tekler has not taken it well.

You have to calm down!

When I find out who did this, I'm going to cut out their hearts,

dice it, deep-fry it, desiccate it,

and turn it into a foam, and feed it back to them!

We can see you're upset, Mr Tekler.

Upset?!

I'm ruined!

Morning.

A veritable cornucopia of Williams.

A what?

Bills, bills, and more bills.

What are you doing in? I thought we agreed to carry on with the undercover surveillance?

I got a call first thing.

Hiverna's been closed down by the council while they investigate.

And Len Tekler is refusing to pay us a penny.

Says we were negligent in our duties.

Oh, we can't have that!

Is it wise to pick a fight with a man who handles sharp knives for a living?

Probably not.

And how long will the tests take?

There must be some way to speed things up?

Because we can't afford to remain closed indefinitely!

That would be much appreciated.

KNOCKING Thank you.

We're closed!

I know!

Is, er, is your husband in?

He's upstairs.

He had a...a late night.

I've finished in the store room.

Shall I check on Mr Tekler?

If the store room's done, you can give the toilets another going over.

Yes, Mrs Tekler.

You'll have to come back later.

What's he doing here?

I'm here to persuade you to change your mind,

keep us on the case.

And why would I do that?

My restaurant's been shut down.

I've got a dozen customers threatening legal action.

You were supposed to stop something like this from happening!

Surveillance takes a long time.

Don't you want to know who's responsible?

The kitchen's been shut down! How are you going to do that?

Well, we've still got to check the footage from the hidden camera.

Let us do our job. I-I promise you, I will find out who did this.

Sebastian says he's checked all the footage from the hidden camera

and there's absolutely no sign of anyone tampering with ingredients.

I knew we should've put a camera in the pantry.

So who is this guy, then?

Trevor Cordiss. Another chef.

Apart from Paulina Stainton, he tops a long list of people Tekler thinks have a grudge against him.

See you later.

If they're enemies, what's Tekler's son doing coming out of his boat?

I think we should find out.

Hello?

Hello! Welcome aboard Juno's Swan!

Let me guess, Champagne dinner, cruise?

Nothing like the twinkling lights on the water for a bit of romance.

-No, we're not, er...

-No...

We're actually private investigators.

Here to talk about Len Tekler.

Oh, in that case, I'm going to need another drink.

So you and Mr Tekler were, er, business partners?

We were best friends.

Trained together, set up our first restaurant together.

Course, I wouldn't spit on him now if he was on fire.

What went wrong?

It's ancient history.

-Please. Humour us.

-It's personal.

Personal enough to sabotage his restaurant?

You what? Oh! The rat.

I read about that.

It wasn't just the rat.

Where were you yesterday lunchtime?

I was on the river.

Corporate client.

I didn't go anywhere near the Hiverna.

Same goes for the night before.

And you can give us details of those clients, can you?

I could. But you're not police, are you? So all you need to know is that it wasn't me.

Who do you think it was, then?

None of my business.

When you live on the river, you learn not to rock the boat.

So you fell out with Mr Tekler but you get on with his son all right?

You what?

Just saw him leaving. What was he doing here?

You'll have to ask the lad.

I think it's time you left.

I've got stuff to do.

Right, well, thanks for your time.

Give Len a message from me.

Tell him it doesn't matter how many awards he's won.

You serve people up trash for long enough, eventually they'll send it back.

Yes.

Well, he definitely hates Tekler enough to want Hiverna to fail.

Yeah, just have to keep an eye on him.

Look, you watch out.

I'm going to put this tracker on the scooter.

Make sure we know where he goes.

-Oh, can't I do it?

-No.

Please, you always get to do it. I need the practice.

Oh. All right, here...

-Hurry up.

-OK.

Have a whiff of this poison.

Ooh, it's garlic?

Here.

Don't know about you, I smell a rat.

Why on Earth did Mr Tekler keep the rat?

He didn't. It was chucked in the bins out the back.

Oh, right. So now you're rummaging behind restaurants in bins looking for dead rats?

Ever question your life choices, Frank?

This might be the proof that we need.

How do you know it's even the same rat?

Because it still has bits of fermented cabbage in its fur.

If a toxicology report confirms that the poison is the same as the one on the boat...

Hold up! You expect me to order a toxicology report for a rat?!

A man's livelihood is at stake.

And what about all those customers who got sick?

If something was put in their food on purpose, then that's

administering a noxious substance at the very least.

We're not going to know until Public Health get the lab reports.

And if a crime was committed, it's for the police to investigate.

But if you just...

Forget it, Frank. It's not happening.

I've got bigger pests to deal with!

Milo. Hi.

Can I have a word?

You're one of the investigators, aren't you?

That's right. Lu Shakespeare.

I was just wondering what you were on Juno's Swan earlier today.

Where?

The boat belonging to Trevor Cordiss.

Must've been mistaken.

Don't think I was.

I needed some advice.

From Mr Cordiss?

He's my godfather.

-Ah!

-Him and my dad set up Hiverna together.

That was before the big row.

Why did they fall out?

Cos my dad's wrong in the head.

He convinced himself Trevor was after Mum.

And you don't think he was?

Trevor was a bit of a ladies' man, but he never would've betrayed his best mate like that.

Dad went mad, though - got his lawyers involved and booted Trevor out of the business.

It's a power thing with Dad - he always needs to make sure everyone knows he's top dog.

Why did you need advice?

It's nothing important.

Your secret's safe with me.

You know, you could just try talking to her.

Sebastian was right.

Milo definitely has a soft spot for the waitress.

No point him sabotaging the restaurant, then.

If it's closed, he doesn't get to see her.

No. Any joy with Marlowe?

None.

I think it's time we ask our client how deep his pockets are.

You should go home.

I'm not paying you if the restaurant's closed.

I'm happy to help.

Mr Tekler's been so kind to me.

And the council may let us reopen at any moment. We should be ready.

Hello?

Ah.

Is, er, Mr Tekler in?

He's holed up in the kitchen.

Doesn't want to be disturbed.

When he's stressed, he likes to...

..experiment.

Does he now?

I can pass a message.

We need his permission to order some tests from a private lab.

Tests?

It might prove who planted the rat.

It's just, they're a bit expensive, so...

Better to forget about it, then.

It all seems pointless now.

We should check with Mr Tekler first.

He did seem very keen to know who was responsible.

As you wish.

-Thank you.

-Thanks.

Hello?

Hello?

Have a look at his mouth.

You can tell he's ingested some kind of poison.

Did you call this in straight away?

Course I did!

Look, the question is did he kill himself or did somebody else do it?

-It's not something you need to worry about.

-But he was my client.

"Was" being the operative word.

Now he's dead, he's mine.

Where's Marlowe, anyway? I thought you weren't allowed out without a baby-sitter.

DI Marlowe is on a community engagement course.

Well, when she comes back, tell her to check Tekler's phone.

Somebody's been trying to get in touch with him.

-Also...

-I've got this, Frank.

Now get off my crime scene.

He could have a temper, yeah, but it was just his creative spirit.

I can't believe anyone would do this to him!

-What, you don't think he killed himself?

-No!

But his restaurant had been shut down, his reputation taken a hit...

No, he wouldn't.

You have to find out who did this to him!

We'll do everything we can.

Did you tell Keeler about the hidden camera?

Huh, happy Sam. Made it perfectly clear he didn't need my help.

Marlowe's not going to be very happy when she finds out.

Hopefully, we'll have solved the case by then.

Solved the case? Our client's dead.

I know.

I hate leaving things half-finished.

So where do we start?

There were three missed calls on Tekler's phone from "WWW".

Now, that might have been a supplier or a...

-We need to get Sebastian to do some digging.

-WWW?

-Yeah.

-What, like the Wicked Witch of the West?

I knew there was a reason I put up with you.

The big news is Paulina wasn't always a food writer.

And she wasn't always called Paulina.

I'll send you the details now.

If you've find out she used to be a rat-catcher, you are getting a pay rise.

Sadly not.

But she was a professional chef.

Even won a Rising Star award at the Birmingham Food Festival.

It was all going swimmingly until she got a job at a swanky new place just outside Birmingham.

Guess who was the head chef?

Not Jamie Oliver, then?

Len Tekler.

She left two months later and never worked in a pro kitchen again.

Sebastian, you are a star.

Does that mean I can leave early?

No. It means you can start checking the footage on the hidden camera.

I want a list of anything that went into Len's mouth.

I need to know when and how he was poisoned.

Oh, and take that hat off.

How did you...?

It's called a toque!

Here she comes.

I said everything I have to say about Len Tekler yesterday.

Quite frankly, I'd be happy never to hear his name mentioned again.

Not even now he's dead?

Shall we go somewhere we can talk?

There we go.

It, er, might not look much, but they do a mean lasagne.

So, you worked for Mr Tekler?

Yes, for my sins.

Everyone knows the industry has this macho culture.

Grown men dipping their genitals into the gazpacho for a laugh.

Forcing new recruits to eat raw chillies until they're sick.

But with Len Tekler, it was worse.

How do you mean?

Well, he'd come up behind me while I was cooking, hands everywhere.

He'd try and corner me in the pantry.

I mean, I knew I had to get out of there.

After all, how can you cook for a living when you spend every minute

-you're at work feeling sick to your stomach?

-So you left?

One day he offered me a promotion.

But, of course, there was one condition.

When I turned him down and told him that I was quitting,

he said I'd never work in a professional kitchen again.

Thing is, after working with Len Tekler, I never wanted to.

It took a while to get over it, but then I reinvented myself.

New name, new hair, new career.

By the time I turned up to review Hiverna 15 years later, well, he didn't even recognise me.

To him, I was just another slab of meat.

Well. Anyone could see why you'd want revenge.

The four horsemen, like you wrote in your blog - vermin, sick...

You think I'd kill him?

No!

I wanted him to have a long, miserable life.

Being Len Tekler was his crime and his punishment.

And I'm not the only one who wanted to get their own back.

What's this?

It arrived anonymously this morning.

So this is why you were calling him earlier?

Well, the editor at the Stratford Star refused to publish unless I gave Len Tekler a chance to respond.

But it's obvious that whoever sent this wanted to destroy Tekler's reputation for good.

So, Len Tekler owned a restaurant with his brother, Michael.

Shut down after a few months.

Michael killed himself.

Well, not according to this, he didn't.

-Oh!

-I just don't get it.

This is all happened, what, the better part of 20 years ago.

Why come after Tekler now? Who would have a grudge against him?

Trevor Cordiss said he had his first restaurant with Len.

Are we even sure it's the same place?

Ah, look, here.

This names Trevor as the third partner.

And he had a motive, didn't he? Cos Len cut him out of Hiverna unfairly.

I'll check the tracker.

Ah, no joy.

According to this, the scooter hasn't moved all day.

Maybe he walked! We really should give all this to Marlowe.

And what does this prove? No, I need to look him straight in the eye.

A list of everything Mr Tekler consumed in the kitchen in the three hours prior to his death.

That was only marginally less painful than an episode of Hell's Kitchen USA.

Thanks, Sebastian.

Aren't you going to read it?

Later.

Unbelievable!

KNOCKING

Ah.

Come in.

Join me in a toast to an old mate.

I thought you hated each other.

Love, hate...

There's two sides of the same coin.

Talking of which, he owed me money.

So, what do you want now?

Ah.

Is it true?

In a manner of speaking, yes.

Because the newspaper report said that Michael killed himself.

Well, he did, yes.

So...?

Len and I wanted to start our own place.

Trouble was, we were both skint,

so Len convinced his brother to use all his savings,

in return for a cut of the future profits.

Except there weren't any.

Poor bloke.

Wanted to buy a house with his girlfriend.

Instead Len blew the lot on experimental cookery that nobody wanted to eat, left him bankrupt.

The day the restaurant closed down for good, Michael hanged himself.

Why didn't you tell us this before?

It's not something I'm proud of.

Michael was a good man.

I should've seen the signs.

Who else knows about all this?

Len, obviously.

And he was with Cecilia by then, so she'd know.

Other than that, I just...

KNOCKING

Police! Mr Cordiss, it's the police!

I thought you were on some course?

Yeah, I was,

then I got a call from the lab confirming that Len was poisoned with zinc phosphide.

Stinks of garlic.

Yeah, we noticed.

So it wouldn't be out of place in a kitchen.

But its most common use is...

Rat poison.

You were right, Frank.

We should've tested the rat.

Well, we're going to do a chemical analysis of the samples that we've taken from the traps on the boat,

and we're pretty confident that there'll be a match.

But couldn't the poison have come from anywhere?

In theory, but zinc phosphide is quite old-school.

And most traps use anti-coagulants nowadays.

And, well, considering Mr Cordiss' connection to the victim...

That's still not enough to charge him, though.

No, not by itself, but we do have a witness.

A man matching Mr Cordiss' description was seen in the alleyway

behind the restaurant prior to Len's death.

-Ready, ma'am?

-But didn't Trevor have an alibi for when the dead rat was planted on the food?

Maybe the rat was planted by someone else.

We investigate human deaths, not rat ones!

Yeah, we'll take it from here.

Let me guess.

You wanted to look him in the eye and now you have, you're not sure he did it?

Something just doesn't smell right.

Mm.

Christina! Who was the witness?

Sorry.

This place stinks.

Ah, don't worry on our account.

We won't be long.

We heard you made a statement to the police.

We were wondering why you didn't tell us about the man you saw?

Er, I'm so sorry, I must've still been in shock.

It wasn't until they started asking me all those questions I remembered.

What time did you see him?

Around...one o'clock, maybe.

Mrs Tekler sent me to get milk -

she said she'd run out and she wanted to make Mr Tekler a cup of coffee.

So you just went outside and you saw him?

No, so, it was when I got back.

He was right outside the back door, and he saw me and zoomed off.

How long were you gone for?

Five minutes, tops.

Mrs Tekler wanted me to go to the supermarket cos it's cheaper, but it's a bit of a hike, so I just went

to the corner shop and paid the difference myself.

Would anyone else have seen this man?

I wouldn't know.

There is one thing that's been bugging me, and I should've told the police, but...

-What is it?

-I've never seen Mr Tekler have milk in his coffee.

Maybe I threw it away.

Look at me.

My bouche is not amused.

Dear Sebastian.

We're really sorry that we rushed off earlier.

Please can we look at the list?

Now, was that so hard? Won't make a difference.

All the ingredients Mr Tekler used he got from the pantry.

There, look. Ten past one.

One hot drink. That must be the coffee Dita was talking about.

Did he make it himself?

Well...

Now you ask, I can't remember.

This is the first time we see him with the drink.

Er, go back a bit.

There.

Someone left it for him.

Play it again.

Stop!

Zoom in.

Look at that ring.

So Cecilia must've sent Dita off to get milk just to get rid of her,

only she came back sooner than expected.

What I want to know, Frank, is why you withheld the evidence in the first place?

Do you know what? It completely slipped my mind.

I-I didn't even know the camera was still recording.

Well, no thanks to you, we got lucky.

Yeah, so the mug was placed in the dishwasher but it hadn't been turned on since Mr Tekler's death,

so it still contained traces of zinc phosphide.

And other than Mr Tekler's, the only prints on it were Cecilia's.

-Where is she?

-She's in custody.

We picked her up last night.

And when we searched her room, we found a bottle of syrup of ipecac.

Syrup of what ecac?

Ipecac. It's a powerful emetic.

Put a few drops in a soup and, hey presto, a restaurant full of sick customers.

So what about this Trevor Cordiss? Sounds like him and Cecilia might have some history.

Yeah, we're going to hold on to him for now. There's a high probability that the poison came from his boat.

And with our witness identifying him and his vehicle, we can charge him with murder under joint enterprise.

So on that note, we've got paperwork to do.

Withhold evidence from me again and we're going to have a serious, serious falling out.

And here's me thinking we were BFFs.

Oh, sad you don't get to bring in the bad guys any more, isn't it?

-The vehicle...

-What?

Keeler said it was Dita that identified the vehicle.

Well, according to the tracking device, Trevor's scooter never went anywhere near the restaurant!

Maybe Dita misremembered? Maybe he wasn't on the scooter at all.

She said she didn't recognise him.

How would she have even known he owned a scooter?

-Maybe she's seen him out and about.

-Or she's been on the boat.

Or she's been lying from the very start!

-What are you doing?

-I'm going over the background checks.

We must've missed something. I mean, why would she want to frame Cordiss?

Her middle name is Ursula?

According to this, yeah, why?

Rings a bell...

Yeah. Read that.

The brother's girlfriend.

Could be a coincidence?

We need to see Dita's birth certificate.

Dita, it's Lu Shakespeare.

Are you there?

Keep watch.

Dita?

Dita?

We're too late.

We'll have to go to Marlowe, see if the police can find her.

Can you smell that?

What is it?

I think it's petrol.

Why would she be keeping petrol here?

You don't think...?

Let's go round the back.

Dita!

Stay back.

You want to finish what you started, don't you? Destroy Len's legacy for ever.

Only fair.

He destroyed my life.

An eye for an eye.

He's your uncle. He-he's family.

Len's not my family! He's my father's murderer.

Your father killed himself.

Because of Len! Len tricked him into paying for that stupid restaurant.

He took everything my father had and threw it away.

And because of him, I was left with nobody!

What about your mum?

What?

Ursula.

Well, Len, wouldn't even talk to her, cut her off completely.

Couple of weeks after Dad died, Mum found out she was pregnant with me.

Went to see the three of them - Len, Trevor, Cecilia.

Asked for help.

They sent her packing.

Reckoned she was trying it on!

What did she do?

What could she do? She couldn't cope.

She started using, and...

..after she overdosed, I was put in care.

Brought up by strangers because my uncle cared more about cooking

than he ever cared about another human being.

So when you turned up here to get a job, Len didn't even know who you were?

You wanted to ruin him, didn't you? First with the rat...

SCREAMING

I was happy to take the plate in myself, but it worked so much better when he did it.

And when that didn't shut the restaurant down, you put the ipecac syrup in the food. Clever, that.

Make everybody ill.

Ruining his reputation wasn't enough, was it?

You wanted to see him dead.

You knew the police would need a witness to tie Trevor Cordiss to the murder,

so you made up a story about seeing him outside when Cecilia sent you for the milk.

And you made it look like Cecilia was lying,

that the milk was just an excuse for her to get rid of you

so that she could get the poison from Trevor,

when in fact, you'd already got the poison from the boat.

And it was you that made Len's coffee, wasn't it?

And it was you who made sure it was Cecilia gave it to him.

I made Mr Tekler a coffee. Shall I take it to him?

No, I'll do it.

If you're waiting for me to say I'm sorry, I'm not.

Len had it coming.

And as for Trevor and Cecilia, they could've helped Mum, but they didn't.

So they can rot in jail for all I care.

We're going to have to call the police.

You won't.

I'm not going to jail.

Not for him.

I'm not going anywhere, and neither are you.

You see, I'm pretty sure Len Tekler is in hell, but I'm thinking maybe we should just go and check.

-Dita, no!

-No!

-Wait!

What're you doing here?

Look, Milo doesn't deserve this, either. He's your cousin!

-We're cousins?!

-Don't do this, Dita, please.

Call the police!

Dita! Stop!

Aw!

Does that ever actually work? Just shouting "stop!" at someone?

Not often, I'll admit.

Any ideas?

Have you ever commandeered a swan?

-Oh!

-Where are you going?!

-Come on!

-You're going the wrong way!

-What?

-Let me steer.

-No, I'm steering. I'll steer. Get off.

-Steer it the right way!

How could she be quicker? There's two of us and only one of her!

Well, just pedal faster!

Pedal faster.

I'm going as fast as I can!

Come on, we can do this!

-I'm doing it.

-Come on!

Let me go!

He deserved it!

Nah, can't do that.

No, we're doing a citizens arrest for the murder of Len Tekler.

Len Tekler, yes.

SIRENS

No! I wouldn't do that, Dita.

Please, Dita.

If you really want to ruin the reputation of Len Tekler, then just tell everyone the truth.

How're you feeling now?

Like Chris Froome at the end of the Tour de France.

I didn't think you were performing tonight?

I'm not.

Just haven't done any laundry in a while.

Da-da!

Just to thank you both for going above and beyond the call of duty over the past couple of days.

Aw, you shouldn't have!

He most certainly should.

Sebastian, American Hot.

I love a hot American.

Lu.

Hawaiian.

Old-school!

Thank you muchly.

And a meat feast for Frankie.

Here's to Shakespeare and Hathaway.

We have saved Cecilia and Trevor from jail,

we have put a murderer behind bars

and Milo has even promised to settle the bill.

SHE SCREAMS

HE LAUGHS

I couldn't resist!

Oh!