The Lying Detective Sherlock


The Lying Detective

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Transcript


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This programme contains some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting.

0:00:020:00:09

Tell me about your morning.

0:00:140:00:16

Start from the beginning.

0:00:200:00:21

I woke up.

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How did you sleep?

0:00:270:00:28

I didn't. I don't.

0:00:300:00:32

You just said you woke up.

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I stopped lying down.

0:00:360:00:37

Alone?

0:00:400:00:41

Of course alone.

0:00:460:00:48

I meant Rosie. Your daughter.

0:00:480:00:52

-Er, she's with friends.

-Why?

0:00:520:00:54

Can't always cope.

0:00:560:00:57

And, er, last night wasn't good.

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That's understandable.

0:01:040:01:06

Is it? Why? Why is it understandable?

0:01:060:01:09

Why does everything have to be understandable?

0:01:090:01:12

Why can't some things be unacceptable and we just say that?

0:01:120:01:16

I only mean it's OK.

0:01:180:01:20

I'm letting my daughter down, how the hell is that OK?

0:01:200:01:24

You just lost your wife.

0:01:240:01:25

And Rosie just lost her mother.

0:01:250:01:27

You are holding yourself to an unreasonable standard.

0:01:320:01:37

No, I'm failing to.

0:01:370:01:39

So there is no-one you talk to? Confide in?

0:01:400:01:45

No-one.

0:01:450:01:47

Oh, I'm picking up Rosie this afternoon,

0:01:470:01:49

after I've seen my therapist.

0:01:490:01:51

Got a new one, seeing her today.

0:01:510:01:54

Are you going to tell her about me?

0:01:540:01:56

No.

0:01:560:01:57

Why not?

0:01:590:02:00

-Because I can't.

-Why not?

0:02:000:02:02

Because I can't. You know I can't. She thinks you're dead.

0:02:020:02:04

John, you've got to remember, it's important.

0:02:040:02:07

I am dead.

0:02:080:02:09

Please, for your own sake and for Rosie's, this isn't real.

0:02:110:02:16

-I'm dead. John, look at me.

-Hmm.

0:02:160:02:19

I'm not here.

0:02:190:02:21

You know that, don't you?

0:02:210:02:24

OK, I'll see you later.

0:02:260:02:27

Is there anything you're not telling me?

0:02:290:02:32

No.

0:02:350:02:36

What are you looking at?

0:02:390:02:41

Nothing.

0:02:410:02:43

You keep glancing to my left.

0:02:430:02:46

Oh, I suppose I was just looking away.

0:02:460:02:49

There is a difference between looking away and looking to.

0:02:490:02:53

-I tend to notice these things.

-I'm sure.

0:02:530:02:57

Now, I am reminding you of your friend, I think.

0:02:570:03:01

That's not necessarily a good thing.

0:03:010:03:03

Do you talk to Sherlock Holmes?

0:03:040:03:06

I haven't seen him. No-one's seen him.

0:03:060:03:08

He's locked himself away in his flat. God knows what he's up to.

0:03:080:03:11

Do you blame him?

0:03:110:03:13

I don't blame... I don't think about him.

0:03:130:03:15

-Has he attempted to make contact with you?

-No.

0:03:150:03:18

How can you be sure? He might have tried.

0:03:180:03:20

No, if Sherlock Holmes wants to get in touch,

0:03:200:03:22

that's not something you can fail to notice.

0:03:220:03:24

CAR ENGINE ACCELERATES

0:03:240:03:26

TYRES SQUEAL

0:03:260:03:28

CLATTERING

0:03:280:03:29

SIREN WAILS

0:03:290:03:31

Well, now, won't you introduce me?

0:03:450:03:48

-REPORTER:

-Mr Smith, will you say something about your property...

0:04:380:04:41

Hello.

0:04:450:04:46

Mr Smith? Whenever you are ready.

0:04:490:04:52

The charity fund...

0:04:530:04:55

Now, please.

0:04:550:04:56

Bring them through.

0:04:560:04:58

It's difficult, having such good friends.

0:05:060:05:11

Friends are people you want to share with.

0:05:110:05:14

Friends and family.

0:05:150:05:19

What's the very worst thing you can do to your very best friends?

0:05:210:05:27

Something on your mind?

0:05:300:05:31

Yes, Ivan.

0:05:330:05:35

Oh, yes.

0:05:350:05:36

Whatever you tell us stays in this room.

0:05:380:05:40

I think I speak for everyone.

0:05:400:05:42

MURMURS OF ASSENT

0:05:420:05:44

Well, what is the worst thing you could do?

0:05:450:05:48

Tell them your darkest secret.

0:05:500:05:52

Because if you tell them and they decide they'd rather not know,

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you can't take it back.

0:06:000:06:02

You can't unsay it.

0:06:020:06:05

Once you've opened your heart, you can't close it again.

0:06:060:06:11

CULVERTON ROARS WITH LAUGHTER

0:06:150:06:17

I'm kidding!

0:06:180:06:20

Of course you can.

0:06:210:06:23

Well, everyone, please roll up your right sleeves.

0:06:250:06:28

Roll up your right sleeves. Come on.

0:06:280:06:32

Oh, it's, er...

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It's a bit of insurance.

0:06:330:06:36

I don't understand. What is that?

0:06:360:06:37

TD 12.

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One of ours.

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One of yours?

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We make it. My company, TD 12.

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Sells mainly to dentists and hospitals,

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for minor surgical procedures.

0:06:490:06:51

Interferes with...

0:06:520:06:53

..with the memory.

0:06:550:06:56

The memory. Yes.

0:06:560:06:58

I want to thank you, Ivan, for allowing me to use it.

0:07:000:07:04

I didn't exactly know who you were going to be using it on.

0:07:040:07:07

You mean you didn't ask?

0:07:070:07:10

Is everyone ready?

0:07:100:07:11

-No.

-Please, roll up your sleeves. Come on, roll up.

0:07:110:07:15

This is obscene.

0:07:210:07:24

All I'm doing, Faith, dear...

0:07:240:07:25

..is getting something off my chest, without getting it on yours.

0:07:270:07:32

What you're about to hear me say may horrify you, but...

0:07:330:07:36

..you will forget it.

0:07:370:07:39

If you think about it,

0:07:390:07:40

civilisation has always depended on a measure of elective ignorance.

0:07:400:07:45

HE CHUCKLES

0:07:460:07:47

These drip feeds will keep the drug in your bloodstreams

0:07:510:07:55

at exactly the right levels.

0:07:550:07:57

Nothing that is happening to you now will stay with you

0:07:570:08:00

for more than a few minutes.

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I'm afraid that some of the memories you've had up to this point

0:08:030:08:07

might also be...

0:08:070:08:09

..corrupted.

0:08:120:08:14

I'm going to share something with you now,

0:08:150:08:18

something personal and of importance to me.

0:08:180:08:23

I have a need to confess, but you, I think, might have a need to forget.

0:08:240:08:31

By the end of this, you'll be free to go, and don't worry,

0:08:320:08:35

by the time you're back in the outside world,

0:08:350:08:39

you will not remember any of what you've heard.

0:08:390:08:42

Ignorance is bliss.

0:08:420:08:44

Well, what's wrong with bliss?

0:08:440:08:45

DISTORTED TONE

0:08:450:08:47

Some of you know each other and some of you don't.

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Please, be aware that one of you is a high-ranking police officer.

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One of you is a member of the judiciary.

0:09:000:09:02

One of you sits on the board of a prominent broadcaster.

0:09:050:09:11

Two of you work for me.

0:09:120:09:13

And one of you, of course, is my lovely daughter, Faith.

0:09:130:09:18

You are the people I need to hear me.

0:09:200:09:23

I have made millions.

0:09:240:09:27

For myself, for the people round this table,

0:09:270:09:30

for millions of people I've never even met.

0:09:300:09:33

REPORTERS CLAMOUR

0:09:330:09:34

There are charities that I support who wouldn't exist without me.

0:09:340:09:38

If life is a balance sheet, and I think it is,

0:09:400:09:43

why, I believe I'm in credit!

0:09:430:09:45

But I have a situation that needs to be...managed.

0:09:490:09:55

I have a problem and there is only one way that I can solve it.

0:09:560:10:01

And what's that?

0:10:040:10:05

I'm terribly sorry.

0:10:090:10:11

I need to kill someone.

0:10:170:10:19

Who?

0:10:230:10:24

Were we in a meeting? Was there a meeting?

0:10:320:10:35

Need to kill someone.

0:10:400:10:41

Faith...

0:10:410:10:42

-My dear, dear girl.

-I can't remember.

0:10:450:10:47

Can't remember who you were going to kill.

0:10:480:10:50

Dear, in five minutes, you won't even remember why you were crying.

0:10:510:10:57

The others are all fine.

0:10:580:11:00

You know they've gone down the pub.

0:11:000:11:02

It's all on me!

0:11:020:11:04

FAITH CRIES

0:11:050:11:06

Oh, Faith, don't you think I should take that?

0:11:080:11:11

It's only going to upset you. Hmm?

0:11:110:11:14

Three years ago, my father told me he wanted to kill someone.

0:11:180:11:21

One word, Mr Holmes, and it changed my world forever.

0:11:220:11:26

Just one word.

0:11:280:11:29

What word?

0:11:290:11:30

A name.

0:11:320:11:33

What name?

0:11:330:11:35

I can't remember.

0:11:380:11:39

I can't remember who my father wanted to kill.

0:11:410:11:43

-And I don't know if he ever did it.

-Well, you've changed,

0:11:440:11:47

you no longer top up your tan and your roots are showing.

0:11:470:11:50

Letting yourself go?

0:11:500:11:52

Do you ever look in the mirror and want to see someone else?

0:11:520:11:55

-No, do you own an American car?

-I'm sorry?

0:11:550:11:57

No, not American, left-hand drive, that's what I mean.

0:11:570:11:59

No. Why do you ask?

0:11:590:12:01

Not sure, actually, probably just noticed something.

0:12:020:12:05

Are you OK?

0:12:130:12:15

Oh, of course you don't own a car, you don't need one, do you,

0:12:150:12:17

living in isolation, no human contact, no visitors.

0:12:170:12:20

-OK, how do you know that?

-Well, it's all here, isn't it? Look.

0:12:200:12:22

Cost-cutting is clearly a priority for you,

0:12:220:12:24

look at the size of your kitchen, teeny tiny.

0:12:240:12:26

Must be a bit annoying when you're such a keen cook.

0:12:260:12:28

-I don't understand...

-Hang on a minute,

0:12:280:12:29

I was looking out of the window, why was I doing that?

0:12:290:12:32

-I don't know.

-Me neither. Must have had a reason.

0:12:320:12:33

It'll come back to me.

0:12:330:12:35

Presumably you downsized when you... when you left your job

0:12:360:12:39

and maybe when you ended your relationship.

0:12:390:12:41

-You can't know that.

-Course I can.

0:12:420:12:44

There wasn't anything physical going on, was there?

0:12:440:12:47

For quite some time, in fact.

0:12:470:12:50

There, see? It's obvious.

0:12:500:12:51

You can't tell things like that from a piece of paper.

0:12:510:12:53

I think I just did, didn't I?

0:12:530:12:55

I'm sure that was me.

0:12:550:12:56

How?

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Don't know. Just sort of happens really.

0:12:570:13:00

It's like a reflex, I can't stop it.

0:13:000:13:03

Coat.

0:13:120:13:14

I don't have a coat.

0:13:140:13:15

Yes, what I just noticed. I wonder why.

0:13:150:13:18

Who are you talking to?

0:13:180:13:20

Piss off!

0:13:200:13:21

So what do you think?

0:13:230:13:24

-Of what?

-My case.

0:13:240:13:26

Oh, it's way too weird for me. Go to the police,

0:13:260:13:28

they're really excellent at dealing with this complicated sort of stuff.

0:13:280:13:31

Tell them I sent you - that ought to get a reaction. Night-night.

0:13:310:13:34

SLOWED-DOWN WHOOSH

0:13:340:13:35

Please... I have no-one else to turn to.

0:13:510:13:54

Yes, well, I'm very busy at the moment,

0:13:540:13:56

I have to drink a cup of tea.

0:13:560:13:58

Is "cup of tea"...code?

0:14:010:14:04

It's a cup of tea.

0:14:040:14:05

Because you might prefer some "coffee".

0:14:050:14:08

You're my last hope.

0:14:100:14:12

Really? That's bad luck, isn't it? Goodnight, go away.

0:14:120:14:15

What's bad luck?

0:14:160:14:18

Stop talking, it makes me aware of your existence.

0:14:180:14:21

I've always had bad luck. It's congenital.

0:14:210:14:24

Handbag!

0:14:240:14:25

That's not rude. Congenital. It just means...

0:14:250:14:27

Handbag!

0:14:270:14:29

Stop! Wait! Your life is not your own!

0:14:300:14:33

Keep your hands off it, do you hear me?

0:14:330:14:34

Off it. Off it.

0:14:340:14:37

Sorry? What? What are you talking about?

0:14:370:14:41

-Your skirt.

-My skirt?

0:14:410:14:43

Look at the hem of it, that's what I noticed.

0:14:430:14:45

Sorry, I'm still catching up with my brain. It's terribly fast.

0:14:450:14:48

Those markings, you see them?

0:14:480:14:50

You only get marks like that by trapping the hem of your skirt

0:14:500:14:52

in a car door, but they're on the left-hand side,

0:14:520:14:54

so you weren't driving, you were in the passenger seat.

0:14:540:14:56

I came in a taxi.

0:14:560:14:58

There is no taxi waiting in the street outside,

0:14:580:14:59

that's what I checked when I went to the window.

0:14:590:15:02

And you've got all the way to the door

0:15:020:15:03

and not made any move to phone for one.

0:15:030:15:05

And look at you.

0:15:050:15:06

You didn't even bring a coat, in this rain?

0:15:060:15:08

Now, all that might mean nothing,

0:15:080:15:10

except with the angle of the scars on your left forearm,

0:15:100:15:14

you know, under that sleeve you keep pulling down.

0:15:140:15:16

You never saw them.

0:15:160:15:17

No, I didn't, so thank you for confirming my hypothesis.

0:15:170:15:20

I don't really need to check

0:15:200:15:22

-that the angle is consistent with self-harm, do I?

-No.

0:15:220:15:24

Then you can keep your scars.

0:15:240:15:26

I want to see your handbag.

0:15:260:15:28

Why?

0:15:280:15:30

It's too heavy.

0:15:300:15:31

You said I was your last hope and now you are going out into the night

0:15:310:15:34

with no plan on how you're getting home...

0:15:340:15:36

..and a gun.

0:15:370:15:39

-Chips.

-Chips?

0:15:450:15:47

You're suicidal, you're allowed chips.

0:15:470:15:49

Trust me, it's about the only perk.

0:15:490:15:51

Sherlock? Are you going out?

0:15:570:16:00

I think I remember the way, it's through there, isn't it?

0:16:000:16:03

But you're in no state, look at you!

0:16:030:16:06

Yeah, well, I've got a friend with me, so...

0:16:060:16:08

What friend?

0:16:080:16:09

Bye.

0:16:090:16:10

Oh!

0:16:120:16:13

Come on.

0:16:170:16:18

I'm Culverton Smith, and this election year, I'll be voting...

0:16:180:16:23

For God's sake! I was talking to the Prime Minister.

0:16:240:16:27

I'm sorry, Mr Holmes, it's your brother. He's left his flat.

0:16:270:16:31

Was it on fire?

0:16:310:16:34

SIZZLING

0:16:340:16:35

'Even when I'm on the road, I still like quality food.'

0:16:350:16:39

You see the fold in the middle?

0:16:430:16:45

For the first few months you kept this hidden, folded inside a book.

0:16:450:16:48

It must have been a tightly packed shelf,

0:16:480:16:50

going by the severity of the crease.

0:16:500:16:52

So obviously you were keeping it hidden

0:16:520:16:54

from someone living in the same house at a level of intimacy

0:16:540:16:56

where privacy could not be assumed. Conclusion - relationship.

0:16:560:17:00

Not any more, though.

0:17:000:17:01

There's a pinprick at the top of the paper.

0:17:010:17:04

For the past few months it's been on open display on a wall.

0:17:040:17:06

Conclusion? Relationship is over.

0:17:060:17:09

The paper's been exposed to steam in a variety of cooking smells,

0:17:090:17:11

so it must have been on display in the kitchen.

0:17:110:17:13

A lot of different spices, you're suicidal,

0:17:150:17:18

alone and strapped for cash, yet you're still cooking to impress.

0:17:180:17:22

You're keen, then.

0:17:220:17:24

The kitchen is the most public room in any house.

0:17:240:17:27

And since any visitor could be expected to ask about

0:17:270:17:30

a note like this, I have to assume you don't have any.

0:17:300:17:33

You've isolated yourself.

0:17:340:17:35

Amazing.

0:17:370:17:38

I know.

0:17:380:17:39

I meant the chips.

0:17:410:17:42

Hmm.

0:17:470:17:49

HELICOPTER WHIRS

0:17:490:17:50

Let's go for a walk.

0:17:540:17:56

PHONE BUZZES

0:18:020:18:03

-You should answer it.

-It's Mycroft.

-Might be about Sherlock.

0:18:040:18:09

Of course it's about Sherlock. Everything's about Sherlock.

0:18:090:18:11

'How did you know my kitchen was tiny?'

0:18:110:18:13

Well, look, the fading pattern on the paper, it's not much,

0:18:130:18:16

but it's enough to know your kitchen window faces east.

0:18:160:18:18

Now, kitchen noticeboards.

0:18:180:18:20

By instinct, you place them at eye level, where there's natural light.

0:18:210:18:26

Now look, the sun's only struck the bottom two thirds,

0:18:260:18:30

but the line is straight,

0:18:300:18:32

so that means we know the paper is facing the window.

0:18:320:18:35

But, because the top section is unaffected,

0:18:380:18:41

we know the sunlight can only be entering the room at a steep angle.

0:18:410:18:45

If the sunlight was able to penetrate the room

0:18:450:18:49

when the sun was lower in the sky,

0:18:490:18:51

then the paper would be equally faded, top to bottom.

0:18:510:18:54

But no - it only makes it when the sun is at its zenith,

0:18:540:18:57

so I'm betting that you live in a narrow street on the ground floor.

0:18:570:19:02

Now, if steeply angled sunlight manages to hit eye level

0:19:040:19:08

on the wall opposite the window, then what do we know about the room?

0:19:080:19:11

The room's small.

0:19:180:19:19

HELICOPTER WHIRS

0:19:190:19:21

Oh, Big Brother is watching you!

0:19:210:19:22

Literally.

0:19:220:19:23

We can keep tabs. You didn't have to come in.

0:19:240:19:28

I was talking to the Prime Minister.

0:19:280:19:30

Oh, I see.

0:19:300:19:32

What's he doing?

0:19:320:19:34

Why is he just wandering about like a fool?

0:19:340:19:36

She died, Mycroft. He's probably still in shock.

0:19:360:19:40

Everybody dies.

0:19:400:19:42

It's the one thing human beings can be relied upon to do.

0:19:420:19:45

How can it still come as a surprise to people?

0:19:450:19:47

You sound cross.

0:19:470:19:49

Am I going to be taken away by security again?

0:19:490:19:52

I have, I think, apologised extensively.

0:19:520:19:55

You haven't made it up to me.

0:19:550:19:57

And how am I supposed to do that?

0:19:570:19:58

-Sex.

-I'm sorry?

0:19:580:20:00

Sex. How did you know I wasn't getting any?

0:20:000:20:06

It's all about the blood.

0:20:060:20:07

This one comes from the very first night.

0:20:070:20:09

You can see the pen marks over it.

0:20:090:20:11

I think you discovered that pain stimulated your memory,

0:20:110:20:13

so you tried it again later.

0:20:130:20:15

I'm no expert, but I assume that since your lover failed to notice

0:20:150:20:18

an increasing number of scars over a period of months,

0:20:180:20:21

that the relationship was no longer intimate.

0:20:210:20:23

How do you know he didn't notice?

0:20:230:20:25

-Oh, well, cos he would have done something about it.

-Would he?

0:20:250:20:28

Wouldn't he? Isn't that what you people do?

0:20:280:20:30

-Well, that's interesting.

-What is?

0:20:300:20:32

-The way you think.

-Superbly?

-Sweetly.

0:20:320:20:35

I'm not sweet, I'm just high. This way.

0:20:350:20:38

-Well, we just came that way.

-I know, it's a plan.

0:20:380:20:41

What plan?

0:20:410:20:43

What is it? What... What now?

0:20:430:20:45

Sorry, um, traced his route on the map.

0:20:450:20:48

HE SIGHS

0:20:520:20:53

Is he with someone?

0:20:550:20:56

Not sure. We keep losing visual.

0:20:560:20:58

Mostly we're tracking his phone.

0:20:580:21:00

Don't call us, we'll call...

0:21:000:21:03

I'm trying to sleep, can you stop ringing my damn phone?

0:21:030:21:05

'Sherlock has left his flat, first time in a week.'

0:21:050:21:08

-So I'm having him tracked.

-'Nice.'

0:21:080:21:10

It's very touching how you can hijack the machinery

0:21:100:21:12

of the state to look after your own family.

0:21:120:21:14

Can I go to sleep now?

0:21:140:21:16

Sherlock gone rogue is a legitimate security concern.

0:21:160:21:18

The fact that I'm his brother changes absolutely nothing.

0:21:180:21:21

It didn't the last time, and I assure you, it won't with...

0:21:210:21:24

..with Sherlock.

0:21:280:21:29

Sorry, what?

0:21:300:21:31

'Please phone me if he gets in contact, thank you.'

0:21:310:21:34

Do you still speak to Sherrinford?

0:21:360:21:39

I get regular updates.

0:21:390:21:41

And?

0:21:410:21:43

Sherrinford is secure.

0:21:430:21:45

Are we going to walk all night?

0:21:450:21:47

Possibly. It's a long word.

0:21:470:21:50

What is?

0:21:500:21:51

"Bollocks".

0:21:510:21:53

Culverton Smith, all this charity work,

0:21:560:21:59

what's in it for you?

0:21:590:22:01

We must be careful not to burn our bridges.

0:22:010:22:05

Do you know why I'm going to take your case?

0:22:060:22:09

Because of the one impossible thing you said.

0:22:090:22:12

What impossible thing?

0:22:120:22:13

You said your life turned on one word.

0:22:130:22:16

Yes. The name of the person my father wanted to kill.

0:22:160:22:20

That's the impossible thing. Just that, right there.

0:22:200:22:22

What's impossible?

0:22:220:22:23

Names are not one word. They're always at least two.

0:22:230:22:26

Sherlock Holmes. Faith Smith. Santa Claus. Winston Churchill.

0:22:260:22:30

Napoleon Bonaparte... Actually, just Napoleon would do.

0:22:300:22:33

Or Elvis.

0:22:330:22:35

Well, I think we can rule both of them out as targets.

0:22:350:22:37

OK, I got it wrong, then.

0:22:370:22:39

It wasn't on one word, it can't have been.

0:22:390:22:41

And you remember quite distinctly

0:22:410:22:43

that your whole life turned on one word.

0:22:430:22:45

So that happened, I don't doubt it, but how can that word be a name?

0:22:450:22:48

A name you instantly recognised that tore your world apart?

0:22:480:22:51

-OK, well, how?

-No idea...yet.

0:22:510:22:54

But I don't work for free.

0:22:550:22:57

-You take cash?

-Not cash, no.

0:23:000:23:03

Taking your own life. Interesting expression - taking it from who?

0:23:210:23:26

Once it's over, it's not you who'll miss it.

0:23:260:23:31

GUNSHOT

0:23:310:23:32

Your own death is something that happens to everybody else.

0:23:350:23:38

Your life is not your own. Keep your hands off it.

0:23:380:23:42

You're not what I expected, you...

0:23:460:23:48

HE GROANS

0:23:490:23:50

-What? What am I?

-Nicer.

0:23:510:23:54

Than who?

0:23:540:23:57

-Anyone.

-HE WAILS

0:23:570:23:59

-CHILD SINGS:

-# My little master

0:24:010:24:03

# Who will find me... #

0:24:030:24:06

Sorry, I...

0:24:080:24:09

Faith?

0:24:120:24:13

Faith?

0:24:140:24:15

ECHOING: 'You said your life turned on one word.

0:24:260:24:29

'A name can't be one word.

0:24:290:24:31

'If you were to come round asking after him

0:24:310:24:33

'that he'd rather have anyone but you. Anyone.

0:24:330:24:36

'You're not what I expected.

0:24:360:24:39

-'What? What am I?

-Nicer.

0:24:390:24:42

-'Than who?

-Anyone.

0:24:420:24:44

'Don't think anyone else is going to save him,

0:24:440:24:46

'because there isn't anyone.'

0:24:460:24:48

-'Anyone.

-Anyone.

-Anyone.

-Anyone.

-Anyone.

-Anyone.'

0:24:480:24:50

I have a situation that needs to be managed.

0:24:530:24:56

There's only one way that I can solve it.

0:25:000:25:03

And what's that?

0:25:030:25:06

-I need to kill someone.

-Who?

-Who?

0:25:090:25:14

Anyone!

0:25:160:25:17

Of course! He doesn't want to kill one person, he wants to kill anyone.

0:25:190:25:24

He's a serial killer.

0:25:240:25:27

Anyone.

0:25:270:25:28

-He could be!

-Anyone!

0:25:280:25:31

Why not? Why shouldn't he be?

0:25:310:25:34

-HORNS BEEP

-Oi, you!

0:25:380:25:39

What's the matter with you?!

0:25:390:25:42

'Anyone!'

0:25:420:25:44

-Do you know where you are?

-Are you drunk?

0:25:440:25:47

Shezzer.

0:25:470:25:48

What are you doing here?

0:25:490:25:50

What were you doing in the middle of a bloody street?

0:25:500:25:52

You should be at Baker Street.

0:25:520:25:54

I am. So are you.

0:25:540:25:56

They found your address, they brought you here.

0:26:000:26:02

You've had too much. And that's me saying that!

0:26:020:26:07

Kill.

0:26:090:26:10

Kill.

0:26:130:26:15

-Anyone.

-Anyone.

0:26:220:26:23

They're always poor and lonely and strange.

0:26:230:26:27

But those are only the ones we catch.

0:26:280:26:30

Who do we catch?

0:26:300:26:32

Serial killers.

0:26:320:26:33

What if you were rich and...

0:26:350:26:36

powerful and necessary?

0:26:360:26:38

Anyone.

0:26:380:26:40

What if you had the compulsion to kill and money? What then?!

0:26:410:26:46

MUSIC: Symphony No.9 (Ode To Joy) by Beethoven

0:26:560:26:59

SIREN WAILS

0:26:590:27:01

MUSIC INTENSIFIES

0:27:120:27:14

Well, now, won't you introduce me?

0:27:330:27:37

SHE SIGHS

0:27:420:27:43

Right, you there! Stop right where you are!

0:27:430:27:46

-What? Oh, John...

-Mrs Hudson...

0:27:460:27:49

Do you have any idea what speed you were going at?

0:27:490:27:51

No, of course not! I was on the phone.

0:27:510:27:53

-Oh, it's for you, by the way.

-For me?

0:27:530:27:55

-It's the Government.

-The what?

0:27:550:27:57

-What's going on? What's wrong?

-Hello?

0:27:570:27:59

-Look at the state of you...

-'My name is Mycroft Holmes.

0:27:590:28:01

'I am speaking to you from the Cabinet Office.'

0:28:010:28:03

What's happened?

0:28:030:28:04

It's Sherlock!

0:28:040:28:06

You've no idea what I've been through!

0:28:060:28:09

Argh! Right! Argh!

0:28:090:28:12

Away! CLATTERING

0:28:120:28:15

-I'm out of here! He's lost it.

-Where is it?!

0:28:150:28:17

-He's totally gone!

-Aah!

0:28:170:28:20

Once more unto the breach, dear friends! Once more!

0:28:200:28:23

Or close the wall up with our English dead!

0:28:240:28:27

Set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide!

0:28:270:28:30

Hold hard the breath and build up every spirit to his full height! On!

0:28:300:28:35

On, you noblest English

0:28:350:28:36

Whose blood is fet from fathers of war-proof!

0:28:360:28:39

And you, good yeoman,

0:28:390:28:40

Whose limbs were made in England,

0:28:400:28:42

Show us here

0:28:420:28:43

The mettle of your pasture

0:28:430:28:45

Which I doubt not

0:28:450:28:46

For there is none of you here so mean and base

0:28:460:28:48

That hath not noble lustre in your eyes!

0:28:480:28:50

I see you standing like greyhounds in the slips,

0:28:500:28:54

Straining upon the start!

0:28:540:28:55

The game's afoot.

0:29:010:29:02

Oh, hello.

0:29:050:29:07

Can I have a cup of tea?

0:29:070:29:09

Did you call the police?

0:29:090:29:11

Of course I didn't call the police, I'm not a civilian!

0:29:110:29:14

These pictures, they're that man on the telly, aren't they?

0:29:140:29:19

-What pictures?

-They're everywhere.

0:29:190:29:21

Oh, these pictures?! Oh, you can see them too? That's good.

0:29:210:29:24

Culverton Smith. This, I think, is relevant, from this morning.

0:29:320:29:35

He's publicly accused Mr Smith of being a serial killer.

0:29:350:29:39

Christ! Sherlock on Twitter, he really has lost it.

0:29:390:29:42

Don't you dare make jokes! Don't you dare!

0:29:420:29:44

I was terrified!

0:29:440:29:46

Cup of tea! Oh, for goodness' sakes!

0:29:460:29:49

What's the matter with you?!

0:29:490:29:50

Are you having an earthquake?!

0:29:500:29:52

-You need to see him, John, you need to help him!

-No.

-He needs you!

0:29:590:30:03

Somebody else! Not me, not now.

0:30:030:30:06

Now, you just listen to me, for once in your stupid life!

0:30:060:30:08

I know Mary's dead and I know your heart is broken,

0:30:080:30:11

but if Sherlock Holmes dies too, who will you have then?

0:30:110:30:14

Because I'll tell you something, John Watson, you will not have me!

0:30:140:30:18

MRS HUDSON CRIES

0:30:260:30:29

Have you spoken to Mycroft? Molly? Anyone?

0:30:370:30:40

They don't matter, you do. Would you just see him? Please, John.

0:30:400:30:45

Or just take a look at him as a doctor.

0:30:450:30:48

I know you'd change your mind if you did.

0:30:480:30:50

Yeah, look, OK, maybe, if I get a chance.

0:30:500:30:53

Do you promise?

0:30:530:30:54

I'll try, if I'm in the area.

0:30:540:30:56

Promise me?

0:30:560:30:58

-I promise.

-Thank you.

0:30:580:31:00

Well, on you go. Examine him.

0:31:080:31:13

Right then, mister! Now, I need your handcuffs.

0:31:390:31:43

I happen to know there's a pair in the salad drawer.

0:31:430:31:46

I've borrowed them before.

0:31:460:31:48

Oh, get over yourself! You're not my first smackhead, Sherlock Holmes!

0:31:480:31:52

Woman's out of control! I asked for a cup of tea!

0:31:540:31:57

-How did you get him in the boot?

-The boys from the cafe.

0:31:570:31:59

They dropped me! Twice!

0:31:590:32:01

And do you know why they dropped you, dear?

0:32:010:32:03

Because they know you.

0:32:030:32:04

Who's this one? Is this a new person?

0:32:050:32:07

-I'm against new people.

-Excuse me for a moment.

0:32:070:32:10

She's my therapist.

0:32:100:32:12

Awesome! Do you do block bookings?

0:32:120:32:14

-Whose car is that?

-That's my car.

0:32:140:32:16

How can that be your car?!

0:32:160:32:17

Oh, for God's sake!

0:32:170:32:18

I'm the widow of a drug dealer, I own property in central London,

0:32:180:32:21

and for the last bloody time, John, I'm not your housekeeper!

0:32:210:32:26

I'm so sorry, I answered your phone, you were busy.

0:32:260:32:29

I think you'll want to take it.

0:32:290:32:30

Yes, hello?

0:32:300:32:32

Is this Dr John Watson?

0:32:320:32:33

Yeah, who's this?

0:32:330:32:34

Culverton Smith. You've probably heard of me.

0:32:360:32:39

Um, well, yes.

0:32:390:32:40

Get me a fresh glass of water, please, this one's filthy.

0:32:400:32:43

'I mean, I'm aware of this morning's developments.'

0:32:430:32:47

Yes, I'm sure he was being hilarious.

0:32:480:32:50

Sorry, did you say "all still meeting"?

0:32:500:32:52

'You, me and Mr Holmes.'

0:32:520:32:54

I've sent a car, should be outside.

0:32:540:32:56

Mr Holmes gave me an address.

0:32:560:32:58

Well, he couldn't have given you this one...

0:32:580:33:00

DOORBELL RINGS

0:33:000:33:01

When you're ready.

0:33:040:33:06

-When did Sherlock give you this address?

-Two weeks ago.

-Two weeks?

0:33:110:33:15

'Yes, two weeks.'

0:33:150:33:17

PHONE CALL ENDS

0:33:170:33:19

How did you know where to find me?

0:33:190:33:21

Oh, Sherlock told me.

0:33:210:33:22

He's not so difficult when you've got a gun on him.

0:33:220:33:25

How did you know?! How? On Monday, I decided to get a new therapist.

0:33:280:33:32

Tuesday afternoon, I chose her.

0:33:320:33:34

Wednesday morning, I booked today's session.

0:33:340:33:36

Now, today is Friday. So two weeks ago,

0:33:360:33:38

two weeks before you were abducted at gunpoint

0:33:380:33:41

and brought here against your will,

0:33:410:33:42

over a week before I even thought of coming here,

0:33:420:33:45

you knew exactly where you'd need to be picked up for lunch?!

0:33:450:33:47

Really? I correctly anticipated

0:33:490:33:51

the responses of people I know well to scenarios I devised.

0:33:510:33:54

-Can't everyone do that?

-How?

0:33:540:33:56

Except the boot. The boot was mean!

0:33:560:33:58

Never mind how, he's dying to tell us that.

0:33:580:34:00

I want to know why?

0:34:000:34:01

Because Mrs Hudson's right. I'm burning up.

0:34:010:34:05

I'm at the bottom of a pit and I'm still falling,

0:34:050:34:08

and I'm never climbing out.

0:34:080:34:10

I need you to know, John.

0:34:120:34:14

I need you to see that up here, I've still got it.

0:34:140:34:17

So, when I tell you that this is the most dangerous,

0:34:170:34:19

the most despicable human being that I have ever encountered,

0:34:190:34:23

when I tell you that this, this monster must be ended,

0:34:230:34:26

please remember where you are standing, because you're standing

0:34:260:34:29

exactly where I said you would be two weeks ago.

0:34:290:34:32

I'm a mess, I'm in hell, but I am not wrong, not about him.

0:34:330:34:39

So, what has all this got to do with me?

0:34:390:34:41

That creature, that rotting thing

0:34:410:34:44

is a living, breathing coagulation of human evil.

0:34:440:34:47

And if the only thing I ever do in this world is drive him out of it,

0:34:470:34:50

then my life will not have been wasted.

0:34:500:34:51

Look at me!

0:34:540:34:57

Can't do it, not now.

0:34:570:34:58

Not alone.

0:34:590:35:00

All right.

0:35:020:35:04

Yeah, well, they're real enough, I suppose.

0:35:110:35:13

-Why would I be faking?

-Because you're a liar!

0:35:130:35:15

You lie all the time, it's like your mission!

0:35:150:35:17

I have been many things, John, but when have I ever been a malingerer?!

0:35:170:35:20

You pretended to be dead for two years!

0:35:200:35:22

-Apart from that!

-Listen, before I do anything,

0:35:220:35:24

I need to know what state you're in.

0:35:240:35:26

Well, you're a doctor, examine me.

0:35:260:35:27

No, I need a second opinion.

0:35:270:35:29

Oh, John, calm down. When have you ever managed two opinions?

0:35:290:35:32

You'd fall over.

0:35:320:35:34

I need the one person who,

0:35:340:35:35

unlike me, learned to see through your bullshit long ago.

0:35:350:35:38

Who's that, then? I'm sure I would have noticed.

0:35:380:35:40

The last person you'd think of.

0:35:400:35:42

I want you to be examined by Molly Hooper.

0:35:420:35:45

Do you hear me? I said Molly Hooper.

0:35:450:35:47

You're really not going to like this.

0:35:470:35:50

-Like what?

-DOORBELL RINGS

0:35:500:35:52

Um, hello. Is, er... I'm sorry, Sherlock asked me to come.

0:35:560:36:01

-What, two weeks ago?

-Yeah, about two weeks.

0:36:010:36:03

If you'd like to know how I predict the future...

0:36:030:36:05

-No, I don't care how!

-OK, a fully equipped ambulance,

0:36:050:36:08

Molly can examine me on the way, it'll save time.

0:36:080:36:10

-Ready to go, Molly?

-Um, well...

0:36:100:36:11

Just tell me when to cough.

0:36:110:36:12

I hope you remembered my coat.

0:36:120:36:14

I'm sorry, I didn't know that you were going to be here.

0:36:140:36:17

Absolutely no idea what's going on.

0:36:170:36:19

Sherlock's using again.

0:36:190:36:21

Oh, God! Um, are...are you sure?

0:36:210:36:24

No, it's Sherlock, of course I'm not sure! Check him out.

0:36:240:36:27

Is Molly the right person to be doing medicals?

0:36:310:36:34

She's more used to dead people.

0:36:340:36:36

It's bound to lower your standards.

0:36:360:36:39

I don't know. Yeah, I don't know anything any more.

0:36:390:36:42

-Mrs Hudson, as ever, you are amazing.

-No.

0:36:420:36:45

You're going to have to buck up a bit, John, you know that, don't you?

0:36:450:36:48

The game is on.

0:36:480:36:50

I'll do my best.

0:36:500:36:51

Anything you need, any time, just ask, anything at all.

0:36:510:36:55

Thank you.

0:36:550:36:56

Er, sometimes, can I borrow your car?

0:37:020:37:05

-No.

-OK.

0:37:050:37:07

He knew you'd get a new therapist after I died,

0:37:120:37:15

because you'd need to change everything.

0:37:150:37:17

That's just what you're like.

0:37:170:37:19

Thanks.

0:37:230:37:25

You keep your weekends for Rosie,

0:37:250:37:26

so you needed to see someone during working hours.

0:37:260:37:28

Because you're an idiot,

0:37:280:37:29

you don't want anyone at the surgery knowing you're in therapy,

0:37:290:37:32

so that restricts you to lunchtime sessions,

0:37:320:37:33

with someone reasonably close.

0:37:330:37:36

You found four men and one woman.

0:37:360:37:38

And you are done with the world being explained to you by a man.

0:37:380:37:42

Well, who isn't? So all he needed to do

0:37:420:37:45

was find the first available lunchtime appointment

0:37:450:37:48

with a female therapist within cycling distance of your surgery.

0:37:480:37:50

My God, he knows you!

0:37:500:37:52

No, he doesn't.

0:37:520:37:53

I'm in your head, John. You're disagreeing with yourself.

0:37:530:37:56

Are you ready, sir?

0:37:560:37:57

Yes, I am.

0:37:570:37:58

He is the cleverest man in the world, but he's not a monster.

0:37:580:38:02

-Yeah, he is.

-Yeah, OK, all right, he is. Agh! But he's our monster.

0:38:020:38:07

I'm a killer.

0:38:080:38:10

You know I'm a killer.

0:38:140:38:15

But did you know I'm a s...

0:38:170:38:20

-LIGHT BULB EXPLODES

-Cut there! What was that?

0:38:200:38:22

Was that a light?

0:38:220:38:23

Er, was that me? Was I too good?

0:38:230:38:27

-Huh?

-He's here.

0:38:270:38:29

Well, how is he?

0:38:400:38:42

Basically fine.

0:38:420:38:43

I've seen healthier people on the slab.

0:38:430:38:45

Yeah, but to be fair, you work with murder victims.

0:38:450:38:47

They tend to be quite young.

0:38:470:38:49

-Not funny.

-A little bit funny.

-If you keep taking

0:38:490:38:51

what you're taking at the rate you're taking it, you've got weeks.

0:38:510:38:54

Exactly, weeks! Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

0:38:540:38:57

For Christ's sake, Sherlock, it's not a game!

0:38:570:39:00

I'm worried about you, Molly, you seem very stressed.

0:39:000:39:02

-I'm stressed, you're dying!

-Yeah, well, I'm ahead, then.

0:39:020:39:04

Stress can ruin every day of your life. Dying can only ruin one.

0:39:040:39:06

So this is real? You've really lost it?

0:39:060:39:08

-You're actually out of control?

-When have I ever been that?

0:39:080:39:11

-Since the day I met you.

-Oh, clever boy.

0:39:110:39:13

I've missed you bumbling round the place.

0:39:130:39:15

-I thought this was some kind of...

-What?

-Trick.

0:39:150:39:16

This is not a trick, it's a plan.

0:39:160:39:18

Mr Holmes!

0:39:180:39:19

30 feet and closing, the most significant undetected serial killer

0:39:210:39:24

-in British criminal history. Help me bring him down.

-What? What plan?

0:39:240:39:28

-I'm not telling you.

-Why not?

-Because you won't like it.

0:39:280:39:31

Mr Holmes.

0:39:310:39:32

I don't do handshakes. It'll have to be a hug.

0:39:340:39:39

I know.

0:39:390:39:40

Oh, Sherlock.

0:39:410:39:43

Oh, Sherlock, what can I say?

0:39:450:39:48

Thanks to you, we're, er... we're everywhere!

0:39:480:39:50

Mr Holmes, how did Culverton talk you into this?

0:39:500:39:53

Well, he's a detective. Maybe I just confessed.

0:39:530:39:57

THEY LAUGH

0:39:570:39:58

Come on.

0:39:590:40:01

Now, it's a... it's a new kind of breakfast cereal.

0:40:010:40:05

Mr Holmes, could you put on the hat?

0:40:050:40:07

Yeah, he doesn't really wear the hat.

0:40:070:40:08

Kids will be getting two of their five-a-day

0:40:080:40:10

before they've even left home.

0:40:100:40:12

Sherlock's been amazing for us.

0:40:140:40:16

Breakfast has got to be cool.

0:40:160:40:18

We're beyond viral.

0:40:180:40:19

And you know what makes it cool when you're a kid?

0:40:190:40:21

What, sorry, beyond what?

0:40:210:40:23

Dangerous!

0:40:230:40:24

And action!

0:40:250:40:26

I'm a killer. You know I'm a killer.

0:40:260:40:29

But did you know

0:40:330:40:35

I'm a cereal killer?

0:40:350:40:37

Mmm!

0:40:400:40:41

And cut there, thank you.

0:40:430:40:45

We should bag that up, sell it. Make money for that on eBay.

0:40:510:40:55

You can make more if you want, any time you like.

0:40:550:40:59

Has it occurred to you, anywhere in your drug-addled brain,

0:41:010:41:05

-that you've just been played?

-Oh, yes.

0:41:050:41:07

-For an ad campaign.

-Brilliant, isn't it?

-Brilliant?

0:41:070:41:11

The safest place to hide.

0:41:110:41:13

Plain sight.

0:41:150:41:16

Mr Holmes?

0:41:160:41:18

Culverton wants to know if you're OK going straight to the hospital?

0:41:180:41:21

Hospital?

0:41:210:41:22

Culverton's doing a visit. The kids would love to meet you both.

0:41:220:41:27

I think he sort of promised.

0:41:270:41:29

Oh, OK.

0:41:290:41:30

If you'd just like to come this way.

0:41:320:41:34

So, what are we doing here? What's the point?

0:41:380:41:42

I needed a hug.

0:41:420:41:44

What do you think, Mr Holmes? Cereal killer?

0:41:490:41:52

It's funny cos it's true!

0:41:520:41:54

See you at the hospital.

0:41:550:41:57

Oh, you can have this back now.

0:41:570:42:00

-Have what back?

-Thanks for the hug.

0:42:030:42:05

Oh, I sent and deleted a text.

0:42:060:42:08

You might get a reply, but I doubt it.

0:42:080:42:09

-It's password protected.

-Oh, please!

0:42:110:42:13

CULVERTON CHUCKLES

0:42:130:42:14

We're going to have endless fun, Mr Holmes, aren't we?

0:42:140:42:18

Oh, no. No, not endless.

0:42:180:42:21

Need another hit, do you?

0:42:280:42:30

I can wait until the hospital.

0:42:300:42:31

Are you involved much?

0:42:400:42:41

Sorry?

0:42:420:42:44

Um, with Mr Holmes, Sherlock, in all his cases?

0:42:440:42:47

Er, yeah, I'm John Watson.

0:42:470:42:49

OK.

0:42:490:42:50

Dr Watson.

0:42:500:42:51

I love his blog, don't you?

0:42:510:42:53

His blog?

0:42:530:42:54

-Why, don't you read it?

-You mean my blog.

0:42:540:42:56

Say what you like about addiction, the day is full of highlights!

0:42:560:42:59

-Oh, Mr Holmes, you're feeling better?

-Psychedelic!

0:42:590:43:02

-I was just saying, I love your blog.

-Great, thanks.

-It's my blog.

0:43:020:43:05

-It is, he writes the blog.

-It's yours?

-Yes.

0:43:050:43:08

You write Sherlock's blog?

0:43:080:43:10

Yes.

0:43:100:43:11

It's gone downhill a bit, hasn't it?

0:43:120:43:15

It's this way, then.

0:43:150:43:17

-Oh, my God, I love your blog.

-You're welcome.

0:43:240:43:27

Right, here he comes, the internet tec.

0:43:270:43:30

You all know Sherlock Holmes.

0:43:300:43:32

Oh, and Dr Watson, of course.

0:43:370:43:40

Mr Holmes, I was wondering, well, we all were, weren't we,

0:43:430:43:47

maybe you could tell us about some of your cases?

0:43:470:43:51

-No.

-Yes.

-Yes. Absolutely, yes.

0:43:510:43:54

The main feature of interest in the field of criminal investigation

0:43:540:43:57

is not the sensational aspects of the crime itself,

0:43:570:44:00

but rather the iron chain of reasoning,

0:44:000:44:03

from cause to effect, that reveals, step by step, the solution.

0:44:030:44:08

That's the only truly remarkable aspect of the entire affair.

0:44:080:44:11

Now, I will share with you the facts and evidence as they were

0:44:110:44:14

available to me, and in this very room,

0:44:140:44:17

you will all attempt to solve the case of Blessington The Poisoner.

0:44:170:44:21

I think you slightly gave away the ending.

0:44:210:44:23

-There were five main suspects.

-One of them called Blessington.

0:44:230:44:25

-But it's more about how he did it.

-Poison?

-OK.

0:44:250:44:28

CHILDREN LAUGH

0:44:280:44:29

Drearcliff House, remember that one, John? One murder, ten suspects.

0:44:290:44:34

-Ten, yeah.

-All of them guilty.

-Sherlock.

0:44:340:44:36

Now, what did you call that one, John?

0:44:360:44:39

Um, something to do with murder at the zoo.

0:44:390:44:41

Yeah, I called it Murder At The Zoo.

0:44:410:44:43

Or was it the case of The Killer Orang-utan?

0:44:430:44:46

You should be wearing the hat. The kids would love the hat.

0:44:480:44:52

So, any more questions?

0:44:530:44:55

-No.

-I don't think so.

-No?

0:44:550:44:57

Mr Holmes?

0:44:570:44:58

Good, then I'll...

0:44:580:45:00

How do you catch a serial killer?

0:45:000:45:02

Same way you catch any other killer.

0:45:050:45:07

No. Most killers kill someone they know.

0:45:070:45:11

You're looking for a murderer in a tiny social grouping.

0:45:110:45:14

Um, Mr Smith, I'm just wondering,

0:45:140:45:17

maybe this isn't a suitable subject for the children.

0:45:170:45:19

Nurse Cornish, how long have you been with us now?

0:45:190:45:23

Seven years.

0:45:230:45:24

Seven years.

0:45:270:45:28

OK.

0:45:300:45:31

Serial killers choose their victims at random.

0:45:350:45:38

Surely that must make it more difficult.

0:45:380:45:40

Some of them advertise.

0:45:410:45:43

Do they really?

0:45:440:45:45

Serial killing is an expression of power, ego -

0:45:450:45:48

a signature in human destruction.

0:45:480:45:52

Ultimately, for full satisfaction, it requires plain sight.

0:45:530:45:58

Additionally, serial killers are easily profiled.

0:45:580:46:02

They tend to be social outcasts, educationally subnormal.

0:46:020:46:05

No, no, no, no, no, no.

0:46:050:46:07

You're just talking about the ones you know. The ones you've caught.

0:46:070:46:10

But hello, dummy, you only catch the dumb ones.

0:46:100:46:13

Now, imagine if the Queen wanted to kill some people,

0:46:130:46:19

what would happen then?

0:46:190:46:20

All that power, all that money,

0:46:200:46:22

sweet little government, dancing attendants.

0:46:220:46:25

A whole country just to keep her warm and fat.

0:46:250:46:30

Hmm. We all love the Queen, don't we?

0:46:320:46:36

And I bet she'd love you lot.

0:46:360:46:37

It's all right, everyone, I can personally assure you

0:46:370:46:40

that Sherlock Holmes is not about to arrest the Queen.

0:46:400:46:42

Well, of course not. Not Her Majesty.

0:46:420:46:45

Money, power, fame - some things make you untouchable.

0:46:450:46:52

God save the Queen!

0:46:520:46:54

She could open a slaughterhouse

0:46:540:46:56

and we'd all probably pay the entrance fee.

0:46:560:46:57

-No-one's untouchable.

-No-one?

0:46:570:47:01

Look at you all, so gloomy. Can't you take a joke?

0:47:040:47:09

The Queen!

0:47:100:47:12

If the Queen was a serial killer, I'd be the first person she'd tell.

0:47:120:47:16

We have that kind of friendship.

0:47:160:47:18

A big round of applause for Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson.

0:47:180:47:24

Come on. Wonderful.

0:47:240:47:26

Thank you so much for coming. Thank you.

0:47:280:47:31

Where are we going now?

0:47:320:47:33

I want to show you my favourite room.

0:47:330:47:36

No, let's go in here.

0:47:360:47:38

So you've had another one of your little meetings?

0:47:410:47:44

Oh, it's just a monthly top-up.

0:47:440:47:46

Confession is good for the soul, providing you can delete it.

0:47:460:47:50

What's TD 12?

0:47:500:47:51

It's a memory inhibitor.

0:47:510:47:53

Bliss.

0:47:530:47:55

Bliss?

0:47:550:47:56

Opt-in ignorance. It makes the world go round.

0:47:560:48:00

Anyone ever opt to remember?

0:48:000:48:02

Some people take the drip out, yes.

0:48:020:48:04

Some people have the same urges.

0:48:040:48:06

Now, come on, wasting time.

0:48:060:48:08

Indeed, you have, I estimate, 20 minutes left.

0:48:080:48:11

-Sorry?

-I sent a text from your phone, remember?

0:48:120:48:15

It was read almost immediately.

0:48:150:48:16

Factoring in a degree of shock and emotional decision,

0:48:160:48:19

and a journey time based on the associated address,

0:48:190:48:21

I'd say that your life, as you know it, has 20 minutes left to run.

0:48:210:48:24

Well, no, 17½ to be precise,

0:48:240:48:27

but I rounded up for dramatic effect.

0:48:270:48:28

So, please do show us your favourite room.

0:48:280:48:31

It'll give you a chance to say goodbye.

0:48:310:48:35

CULVERTON CHUCKLES

0:48:350:48:37

Come along.

0:48:370:48:38

The game is on. Do you still miss me?

0:48:430:48:47

Speaking of serial killers, you know who's my favourite?

0:48:510:48:54

Other than yourself?

0:48:540:48:56

HH Holmes. Relative of yours?

0:48:570:49:00

Not as far as I know.

0:49:000:49:01

You should check. What an idiot.

0:49:030:49:06

Everyone out.

0:49:080:49:09

Mr Smith, we're actually in the middle of something.

0:49:110:49:14

Saheed, isn't it?

0:49:160:49:17

Saheed, yes.

0:49:180:49:20

How long have you been working here now?

0:49:200:49:22

-Four years.

-Four years. Well, that's a long time, isn't it?

0:49:220:49:27

Four years!

0:49:290:49:30

OK, everyone.

0:49:330:49:34

Five minutes?

0:49:370:49:38

Come back in ten.

0:49:380:49:40

Saheed...

0:49:460:49:49

this time, knock.

0:49:490:49:51

How can you do that?

0:49:560:49:58

I mean, how are you even allowed in here?

0:49:580:50:00

Oh, I can go anywhere I like.

0:50:000:50:02

Anywhere at all.

0:50:030:50:04

They gave you keys?

0:50:040:50:06

They presented them to me. There was a ceremony.

0:50:060:50:09

You can watch that on YouTube. Home Secretary was there.

0:50:090:50:13

So, your favourite room - the mortuary?

0:50:130:50:15

What do you think?

0:50:150:50:17

Tough crowd.

0:50:170:50:18

Oh, I don't know.

0:50:190:50:21

Hmm. I've always found them quite pliable.

0:50:210:50:25

-Don't do that!

-She's fine. She's dead.

0:50:250:50:29

HH Holmes loved the dead.

0:50:310:50:33

He mass-produced them.

0:50:330:50:35

Serial killer, active during the Chicago Fair.

0:50:350:50:37

Do you know what he did?

0:50:370:50:38

He built a hotel, a special hotel just to kill people.

0:50:380:50:42

You know, with a hanging room, gas chamber, specially adapted furnace.

0:50:420:50:48

You know, like Sweeney Todd...

0:50:480:50:51

"Without the pies!"

0:50:510:50:52

Stupid. So stupid.

0:50:540:50:57

Why stupid?

0:50:590:51:01

Well, all that effort.

0:51:010:51:03

You don't build a beach if you want to hide a pebble.

0:51:030:51:06

You just find a beach.

0:51:060:51:08

And if you want to hide a murder,

0:51:080:51:10

if you want to hide lots and lots of murders, just find a...

0:51:100:51:15

..hospital.

0:51:160:51:17

Can we be clear? Are you confessing?

0:51:180:51:21

To what?

0:51:210:51:23

The way you're talking...

0:51:230:51:24

Oh, sorry, yes.

0:51:260:51:29

You mean, am I a serial killer?

0:51:290:51:32

Or am I just trying to mess with your funny little head?

0:51:320:51:36

Well, it's true.

0:51:360:51:37

I do like to mess with people, and, yes, I am a bit creepy.

0:51:370:51:41

But that's just my USP.

0:51:410:51:43

I use it to sell breakfast cereal.

0:51:430:51:45

But am I what he says I am?

0:51:450:51:48

Is that what you're asking?

0:51:480:51:50

Yes.

0:51:500:51:51

Hmm. Well, let me ask you this... are you really a doctor?

0:51:510:51:58

Yeah, of course I am.

0:51:580:51:59

Oh, no, a medical doctor?

0:51:590:52:02

You know, not just feet or media studies or something?

0:52:020:52:06

I'm a doctor.

0:52:060:52:07

Are you serious?

0:52:090:52:10

No, really, are you?

0:52:100:52:14

Are you...

0:52:160:52:17

are you actually serious?

0:52:170:52:20

I've played along with this joke, it's not funny any more.

0:52:210:52:24

Look at him!

0:52:240:52:27

Go ahead, look at him, Dr Watson!

0:52:270:52:30

Hmm. Oh, no, I'll lay it out for you.

0:52:300:52:32

There are two possible explanations for what's going on here.

0:52:320:52:35

Either I'm a serial killer,

0:52:350:52:38

or Sherlock Holmes is off his tits on drugs!

0:52:380:52:42

Hmm? Delusional paranoia about a public personality.

0:52:420:52:46

That's not so special, it's not even new.

0:52:460:52:49

I think you need to tell your faithful little friend

0:52:490:52:52

how you're wasting his time,

0:52:520:52:54

because you're too high to know what's real any more.

0:52:540:52:58

I apologise.

0:53:040:53:05

I...I've miscalculated.

0:53:060:53:08

I forgot to factor in the traffic.

0:53:100:53:13

19½ minutes.

0:53:130:53:16

LIFT STOPS

0:53:160:53:18

Ah, the footsteps you're about to hear will be very familiar to you,

0:53:180:53:21

not least because there'll be three impacts rather than two.

0:53:210:53:24

The third, of course, will be the end of a walking cane.

0:53:240:53:26

LIFT PINGS

0:53:260:53:28

Your daughter Faith's walking cane.

0:53:280:53:30

And why would she be here?

0:53:300:53:32

You invited her. You sent her a text.

0:53:320:53:36

-Or technically,

-I

-sent her a text, but she's not to know.

0:53:360:53:39

Now, let's see if I can recall.

0:53:410:53:44

"Faith, I can stand it no longer, I've confessed to my crimes.

0:53:440:53:49

"Please forgive me."

0:53:490:53:52

Why would that have any effect? You don't know her.

0:53:520:53:55

Oh, but I do. I spent a whole evening with her.

0:53:550:53:59

We had chips. I think she liked me.

0:54:000:54:03

You don't know Faith. You simply do not.

0:54:030:54:07

I know you care about her deeply.

0:54:070:54:09

I know you invited her to one of your special board meetings.

0:54:090:54:12

You care what she thinks.

0:54:120:54:14

You maintain an impressive facade.

0:54:180:54:20

I think it's about to break.

0:54:220:54:25

Did you know?

0:54:250:54:26

She came to Baker Street.

0:54:260:54:27

No, she didn't.

0:54:270:54:29

Of course I didn't.

0:54:290:54:30

She came to see me, because she was scared of her daddy.

0:54:300:54:34

Never happened. Is this another one of your drug-fuelled fantasies?

0:54:340:54:40

-You didn't see him take the scalpel?

-Nobody saw him.

0:54:400:54:42

So you didn't know what was about to happen?

0:54:420:54:44

Of course I didn't know.

0:54:440:54:45

Well, let's see, shall we?

0:54:450:54:47

Faith, stop loitering at the door and come in.

0:54:470:54:49

This is your father's favourite room!

0:54:490:54:51

Come and meet his best friends.

0:54:530:54:55

Dad? What's happening?

0:54:550:55:00

What was that text? Are you having one of your jokes?

0:55:000:55:03

Who are you?

0:55:050:55:07

Who the hell are you?!

0:55:250:55:27

It's Sherlock Holmes, surely you recognise him?

0:55:280:55:31

Oh, my God! Sherlock Holmes!

0:55:310:55:34

I love your blog.

0:55:350:55:38

You're not her, you're not the woman who came to Baker Street.

0:55:380:55:40

Um, well, no. Never been there.

0:55:400:55:42

Well, there must have been some build-up,

0:55:420:55:44

he didn't just suddenly do it.

0:55:440:55:46

Look, I didn't know he had the bloody scalpel!

0:55:460:55:48

Sorry, I'm not sure I completely understand.

0:55:480:55:51

Understand what?

0:55:510:55:52

Well, I thought you two were... were old friends?

0:55:520:55:55

No. We've never met.

0:55:550:55:57

Oh, dear. Oh!

0:55:570:56:00

Have we?

0:56:000:56:01

Sherlock?

0:56:010:56:03

So, who came to my flat?

0:56:040:56:06

Well, it wasn't me.

0:56:060:56:08

No!

0:56:080:56:09

HE LAUGHS

0:56:090:56:11

You look different.

0:56:110:56:13

I wasn't there.

0:56:130:56:15

'Who came to my flat?'

0:56:150:56:17

I'm sorry, Mr Holmes,

0:56:170:56:19

but I don't think I've ever been anywhere near your flat.

0:56:190:56:23

Oh, dear. Oh, no!

0:56:230:56:27

Who are you talking to?

0:56:270:56:29

What friend?

0:56:290:56:31

Anyone.

0:56:310:56:32

Oh, no. Oh, no!

0:56:320:56:35

HE LAUGHS

0:56:350:56:37

'Faith?

0:56:380:56:40

'Oh, God!'

0:56:400:56:42

Oh, no. Oh, no!

0:56:460:56:49

HE LAUGHS

0:56:490:56:52

Sherlock?

0:56:540:56:55

Sherlock, are you all right? Sherlock, are you OK?

0:56:560:56:58

-Watch him, he's got a knife.

-I've got a what?

0:56:580:57:00

You've got a scalpel, you picked it up from that table! I saw you take it.

0:57:000:57:03

I certainly did not!

0:57:030:57:05

Look behind his back!

0:57:050:57:06

No...

0:57:060:57:07

I saw you take it! I saw you!

0:57:070:57:09

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

0:57:090:57:11

Sherlock, do you want to put that down?

0:57:110:57:13

Oh, my God!

0:57:130:57:15

Stop laughing at me.

0:57:160:57:17

-I'm not laughing.

-He's not laughing, Sherlock.

0:57:170:57:19

-Stop laughing at me!

-Sherlock!

0:57:190:57:21

Oh, Christ! I keep wondering if we should have seen it coming.

0:57:230:57:30

Not long ago he shot Charles Magnussen in the face,

0:57:300:57:32

we did see it coming.

0:57:320:57:33

We always saw it coming. But it was fun.

0:57:330:57:36

KNOCK ON DOOR

0:57:360:57:37

Come in.

0:57:370:57:38

Sir, you probably want to see this.

0:57:380:57:41

-ON LAPTOP:

-'Harold Chorley reporting earlier today.

0:57:440:57:47

'Mr Smith stated he had no interest in bringing charges.'

0:57:470:57:51

'I'm a fan of Sherlock Holmes, I'm a big fan.

0:57:510:57:54

'I don't really know what happened today. To be honest,

0:57:540:57:57

'I don't think I'd be standing here now if it wasn't for Dr Watson.'

0:57:570:58:02

Stop laughing at me!

0:58:020:58:04

Sherlock!

0:58:040:58:05

CLATTER

0:58:050:58:07

Stop it! Stop it now!

0:58:070:58:10

-NEWSREADER:

-'Is it true he's being treated in your hospital?'

0:58:100:58:12

'It's not actually my hospital.'

0:58:120:58:14

Well, it is a little bit my hospital.

0:58:140:58:16

But I can promise you this, he is going to get the best of care.

0:58:160:58:20

I might even move him to my favourite room.

0:58:200:58:23

-NEWSREADER:

-'Culverton Smith, earlier today. In Nottingham...'

0:58:230:58:26

He's right, you know, you probably saved his life.

0:58:320:58:34

What are you doing?! Wake up!

0:58:340:58:37

I really hit him, Greg. Hit him hard.

0:58:370:58:40

Is this a game? Is it just a bloody game?

0:58:430:58:47

HOLMES GROANS

0:58:490:58:51

Please! Please, please, please, no violence. Thank you, Dr Watson.

0:58:550:59:00

But I don't think he's a danger any more.

0:59:000:59:04

Leave him be.

0:59:040:59:06

No, it's OK.

0:59:060:59:08

Let him do what he wants. He's entitled.

0:59:110:59:15

I killed his wife.

0:59:180:59:19

Yes, you did.

0:59:220:59:23

Oh, hi.

1:00:001:00:02

HE MOUTHS

1:00:041:00:05

Just in to say hello?

1:00:051:00:06

No. I'm just in to say goodbye.

1:00:061:00:08

I'm sure he'll pull through.

1:00:081:00:10

And yeah, he's made a terrible mess of himself, but he's awfully strong.

1:00:101:00:14

So, must look on the bright side.

1:00:141:00:16

Hm.

1:00:191:00:21

Well...

1:00:241:00:26

-Parting gift.

-Ah, that's nice.

1:00:281:00:30

A walking stick.

1:00:301:00:32

Yeah, it was mine, from a long time ago.

1:00:321:00:34

PHONE RINGS

1:00:351:00:37

Hello? Ward 73.

1:00:371:00:39

Oh, er, Dr Watson?

1:00:391:00:41

Hm?

1:00:411:00:43

It's for you.

1:00:431:00:44

Oh.

1:00:451:00:46

Hello, Mycroft.

1:00:491:00:50

'There's a car downstairs.'

1:00:501:00:52

You know, he should definitely have worn the hat.

1:00:561:00:59

Still thinking about Sherlock?

1:00:591:01:00

No. You are.

1:01:001:01:02

You've got your disapproving face on.

1:01:021:01:04

Well, seeing as I'm inside your head,

1:01:041:01:06

I think we can call that self-loathing.

1:01:061:01:07

-Where is she? Where's Mrs Hudson?

-She'll be up in a moment.

1:01:581:02:01

What are you doing?

1:02:011:02:02

Have you noticed the kitchen? It's practically a meth lab.

1:02:021:02:05

I'm trying to establish exactly what drove Sherlock off the rails.

1:02:051:02:08

-Any ideas?

-Are these spooks?

1:02:081:02:10

Are you using spooks now to look after your family?

1:02:111:02:14

-Hang on, are they tidying?

-Sherlock is a security concern.

1:02:141:02:17

The fact that I'm his brother changes nothing.

1:02:171:02:19

-Yeah, you've said that before.

-Ask him.

1:02:191:02:21

Why fixate on Culverton Smith?

1:02:211:02:24

He's had his obsessions before, of course, but

1:02:241:02:26

this goes a bit further than setting a man-trap for Father Christmas.

1:02:261:02:29

Do it. Ask him.

1:02:291:02:31

Spending all night talking to a woman who wasn't even there.

1:02:311:02:33

Oh, shut up, you!

1:02:331:02:34

-Mycroft, last time, when we were on the phone...

-No, no, no, no, stop.

1:02:341:02:37

I detest conversation in the past tense.

1:02:371:02:39

You said the fact that you were his brother made no difference.

1:02:391:02:42

It doesn't.

1:02:421:02:43

You said it didn't the last time, and it wouldn't with Sherlock.

1:02:431:02:46

So who was it the last time? Who were you talking about?

1:02:461:02:48

Attaboy!

1:02:481:02:49

Nobody. I...misspoke.

1:02:491:02:53

-He's lying.

-You're lying.

1:02:531:02:54

-I assure you, I'm not.

-He really is lying.

1:02:541:02:57

Sherlock's not your only brother.

1:02:581:03:00

There's another one, isn't there?

1:03:011:03:03

-No...

-Jesus! A secret brother.

1:03:031:03:06

What is he, locked up in a tower, or something?

1:03:061:03:10

Mycroft Holmes!

1:03:101:03:11

What are all these dreadful people doing in my house?!

1:03:111:03:14

Mrs Hudson, I apologise for the interruption.

1:03:141:03:16

As you know, my brother has embarked on

1:03:161:03:18

a programme of self-destruction remarkable even by his standards,

1:03:181:03:21

and I am endeavouring to find out what triggered it.

1:03:211:03:24

-And that's what you're all looking for?

-Quite so.

1:03:241:03:26

-What's on his mind?

-So to speak.

1:03:261:03:28

And you've had all this time?

1:03:281:03:30

Time being something of which we don't have an infinite supply,

1:03:301:03:33

so if we could be about our business.

1:03:331:03:35

SHE GIGGLES

1:03:351:03:37

You...you're so funny, you are!

1:03:371:03:40

Mrs Hudson?

1:03:401:03:41

He thinks you're clever, poor old Sherlock. Always going on about you.

1:03:411:03:45

I mean, he knows you're an idiot,

1:03:451:03:47

but that's OK, cos you're a lovely doctor.

1:03:471:03:49

But he has no idea what an idiot you are!

1:03:491:03:52

Is this merely stream-of-consciousness abuse,

1:03:521:03:54

or are you attempting to make a point?

1:03:541:03:56

You want to know what's bothering Sherlock?

1:03:561:03:58

Easiest thing in the world, anyone can do it.

1:03:581:04:01

I know his thought processes better than any other human being,

1:04:011:04:04

so, please, try to understand.

1:04:041:04:05

He's not about thinking. Not Sherlock.

1:04:051:04:08

-Of course he is.

-No, no.

1:04:081:04:10

He's more emotional, isn't he?

1:04:101:04:12

Unsolved case, shoot the wall! Boom, boom!

1:04:121:04:15

Unmade breakfast, karate the fridge.

1:04:151:04:18

Unanswered question...

1:04:181:04:19

Well, what does he do with anything he can't answer, John? Every time?

1:04:191:04:23

He stabs it.

1:04:231:04:25

Anything he can't find the answer for, bang! It's up there.

1:04:251:04:30

I keep telling him, if he was any good as a detective,

1:04:301:04:33

I wouldn't need a new mantel!

1:04:331:04:35

-MARY:

-'If you're watching this, I'm...probably dead.'

1:04:381:04:43

OK, no. Stop that now, please.

1:04:431:04:46

Everybody out, now!

1:04:461:04:48

All of you!

1:04:481:04:50

This is my house, this is my friend, and that's his departed wife.

1:04:501:04:54

Anyone who stays here a minute longer is admitting to me personally

1:04:541:04:57

they do not have a single spark of human decency.

1:04:571:05:00

Get out of my house, you reptile!

1:05:101:05:13

You've been ages waking up.

1:05:231:05:25

I watched you.

1:05:251:05:26

It was quite lovely, in its way.

1:05:281:05:30

Take it easy, it's OK.

1:05:311:05:34

Don't want to rush this.

1:05:341:05:36

You're Sherlock Holmes.

1:05:381:05:40

'I'm giving you a case, Sherlock.

1:05:401:05:43

'Might be the hardest case of your career.

1:05:431:05:45

'When I'm...gone,

1:05:451:05:49

'if I'm gone,

1:05:491:05:51

'I need you to do something for me.

1:05:511:05:53

'Save John Watson.

1:05:551:05:56

'Save him, Sherlock.'

1:05:571:06:00

John, if you want to watch this later...

1:06:001:06:02

'Save him.

1:06:021:06:04

'Don't think anyone else is going to save him,

1:06:041:06:06

'because there isn't anyone.

1:06:061:06:07

'It's up to you.

1:06:071:06:09

'Save him.

1:06:091:06:11

'But I do think you're going to need a little bit of help with that,

1:06:111:06:13

'because you're not exactly good with people,

1:06:131:06:15

'so here's a few things you need to know about the man we both love.

1:06:151:06:19

'And more importantly, what you're going to need to do to save him.'

1:06:191:06:22

How did you...get in?

1:06:271:06:29

Policeman outside, you mean?

1:06:311:06:32

Come on, can't you guess?

1:06:331:06:36

Secret door.

1:06:381:06:39

I built this whole wing.

1:06:401:06:42

I kept firing the architects and builders,

1:06:431:06:46

so no-one knew quite how it all fitted together.

1:06:461:06:50

I can slip in and out, anywhere I like, you know.

1:06:501:06:54

When I get the urge.

1:06:561:06:57

HH Holmes.

1:06:571:06:59

Murder Castle. But done right.

1:06:591:07:02

I have a question for you. Why are you here?

1:07:041:07:07

It's like you walked into my den and laid down in front of me.

1:07:071:07:10

Why?

1:07:111:07:12

You know why I'm here.

1:07:141:07:16

I'd like to hear you say it.

1:07:161:07:18

Say it for me, please.

1:07:191:07:21

I want you to kill me.

1:07:231:07:25

HIGH-TEMPO MUSIC

1:07:281:07:30

-MRS HUDSON:

-John?

1:07:301:07:32

My car.

1:07:341:07:35

If you increased the dosage four or five times,

1:07:401:07:43

toxic shock should shut me down within about an hour.

1:07:431:07:47

Then I restore the settings.

1:07:471:07:49

Everyone assumes it was a fault, or...

1:07:491:07:52

-..you just gave up the ghost.

-Yes.

1:07:531:07:56

You're rather good at this.

1:07:581:07:59

Before we start, tell me how you feel.

1:08:021:08:05

I...I feel scared.

1:08:071:08:10

Be more specific.

1:08:121:08:14

You only get to do this the once.

1:08:141:08:16

I'm scared of dying.

1:08:171:08:18

You wanted this, though.

1:08:191:08:21

I have reasons.

1:08:241:08:25

But you don't actually WANT to die.

1:08:251:08:28

No.

1:08:281:08:30

Good.

1:08:301:08:31

Say that for me.

1:08:341:08:35

-Say it.

-I don't want to die.

1:08:361:08:38

And again.

1:08:401:08:41

I don't...want to die.

1:08:411:08:44

-WHISPERS:

-Once more, for luck.

1:08:481:08:49

VOICE BREAKS: I don't want to die.

1:08:501:08:52

I don't.

1:08:531:08:55

I don't want to die.

1:08:551:08:57

Lovely.

1:08:581:09:00

Here it comes.

1:09:031:09:04

Please, I don't think he's safe.

1:09:121:09:14

-LESTRADE:

-'No, he's fine, I've got a man on the door.'

1:09:141:09:16

-'What do you think's happened?'

-I don't know, something!

1:09:161:09:18

-Mary left a message.

-What message?

1:09:181:09:20

'John Watson never accepts help.

1:09:201:09:24

'Not from anyone, not ever.

1:09:241:09:26

'But here's the thing - he never refuses it.

1:09:261:09:29

'So, here's what you are going to do.'

1:09:291:09:31

So, tell me, why are we doing this?

1:09:331:09:35

To what do I owe the pleasure?

1:09:351:09:37

I wanted to hear your confession,

1:09:381:09:40

needed to know I was right.

1:09:401:09:42

But why do you need to die?

1:09:421:09:45

The mortuary, your favourite room.

1:09:451:09:48

You talk to the dead.

1:09:501:09:52

You make your confession to them.

1:09:521:09:55

Sorry, sir, what? What do you mean?

1:09:581:10:01

I think the door's jammed.

1:10:021:10:04

Oh, has that door locked itself again?

1:10:041:10:06

Yeah, it's always doing that.

1:10:061:10:08

'You can't save John, because he won't let you.

1:10:081:10:11

'He won't allow himself to be saved.

1:10:111:10:13

'The only way to save John is to make him save you.'

1:10:151:10:19

Why do you do it?

1:10:191:10:20

Why do I kill?

1:10:231:10:24

It's not about hatred, or...or revenge.

1:10:251:10:28

I'm not a dark person.

1:10:291:10:31

Killing human beings...

1:10:321:10:34

HE CHUCKLES

1:10:341:10:37

..it just makes me... oh, incredibly happy.

1:10:401:10:45

You know, in films, when you see dead people - pretending to be dead,

1:10:511:10:56

and it's just living people lying down?

1:10:561:10:59

Well, that's not what dead people look like.

1:11:011:11:03

Dead people...look like things.

1:11:031:11:07

I like to make people into things,

1:11:091:11:12

then you can own them.

1:11:121:11:15

You know what? I'm getting a little impatient.

1:11:151:11:18

Take a big breath if you want.

1:11:331:11:35

'Go to hell, Sherlock.

1:11:361:11:38

'Go right into hell and make it look like you mean it.'

1:11:411:11:44

Murder is a very difficult addiction to manage.

1:11:441:11:47

People don't realise how much work goes into it.

1:11:471:11:50

You have to be careful.

1:11:501:11:52

But if you're rich or famous and...loved,

1:11:521:11:56

it's amazing what people are prepared to ignore.

1:11:561:11:59

But there's always someone desperate about to go missing,

1:12:001:12:04

and no-one wants to suspect murder

1:12:041:12:07

if it's easier to suspect something else.

1:12:071:12:10

I just have to ration myself, choose the right heart to stop.

1:12:101:12:14

'Go and pick a fight with a bad guy, put yourself in harm's way.'

1:12:141:12:20

(Please! Maintain eye contact.

1:12:201:12:23

(Maintain eye contact.

1:12:231:12:25

(Maintain eye contact!

1:12:251:12:27

(I like to watch it happen.)

1:12:271:12:31

'If he thinks you need him, I swear...'

1:12:311:12:33

(And off we...pop.)

1:12:391:12:43

'..he will be there.'

1:12:441:12:46

MONITORS BEEP RAPIDLY

1:12:461:12:48

-SHERLOCK GASPS FOR AIR

-Mr Holmes, are you OK?

1:12:481:12:51

What were you doing to him?! What were you doing?!

1:12:511:12:54

-He's in distress, I'm helping him.

-Restrain him now. Do it.

1:12:541:12:57

I was trying to help him!

1:12:571:12:58

-Sherlock, what was he doing to you?

-Suffocating me, overdosing me.

1:12:581:13:02

-On what?

-Saline.

-Saline?

-Yes, saline.

1:13:021:13:04

-What do you mean, saline?

-SHERLOCK GROANS

1:13:041:13:06

Well, obviously, I got Nurse Cornish to switch the bags.

1:13:061:13:10

She's a big fan, you know? Loves my blog.

1:13:101:13:13

-You're OK?

-No, no, of course I'm not OK.

1:13:131:13:15

Malnourished, double kidney failure,

1:13:151:13:17

and frankly, I've been off my tits for weeks.

1:13:171:13:19

What kind of a doctor are you?

1:13:191:13:21

SHERLOCK GROANS

1:13:211:13:23

I got my confession, though, didn't I?

1:13:231:13:24

Well, I don't recall making any confession.

1:13:241:13:27

-What would I be confessing to?

-You can listen to it later.

1:13:271:13:30

Well, there is no confession to listen to.

1:13:301:13:32

Oh, Mr Holmes, I don't know if this is relevant, but...

1:13:321:13:36

we found three potential recording devices in the pockets of your coat.

1:13:361:13:40

All your possessions were searched.

1:13:401:13:42

Sorry!

1:13:421:13:43

Must be something comforting about the number three,

1:13:461:13:49

people always give up after three.

1:13:491:13:52

What? What is it? What?

1:13:551:13:57

JOHN SIGHS

1:14:001:14:02

-You cock!

-Yeah.

1:14:021:14:05

-Utter, utter cock.

-Heard you the first time.

1:14:051:14:07

-So, how does it open?

-Screw the top.

1:14:131:14:15

-Two weeks ago?

-Three.

1:14:231:14:25

-I'm that predictable?

-No.

1:14:251:14:27

I'm just a cock.

1:14:291:14:31

It's funny.

1:14:421:14:44

I never realised confessing would be so enjoyable.

1:14:441:14:48

I should have done it sooner.

1:14:481:14:49

We'll carry on tomorrow.

1:14:511:14:53

Well, we could carry on now, I'm not tired.

1:14:531:14:56

There's loads more.

1:14:561:14:58

Tomorrow.

1:14:581:15:00

You know, I am going to be so famous now.

1:15:001:15:03

You're already famous.

1:15:031:15:05

Yeah, but with this...

1:15:051:15:07

..I can break America.

1:15:091:15:10

I had, of course, several other backup plans.

1:15:141:15:17

Trouble is, I couldn't remember what they were.

1:15:171:15:20

And, of course, I hadn't really anticipated

1:15:201:15:23

that I'd hallucinated meeting his daughter.

1:15:231:15:26

Basically, he trashed himself on drugs so that you'd help him,

1:15:261:15:28

so that you'd have something to do, something doctory.

1:15:281:15:30

You get that now?

1:15:301:15:32

Still a bit troubled by the daughter.

1:15:321:15:34

It did seem very real.

1:15:341:15:36

She gave me information I couldn't have acquired elsewhere.

1:15:361:15:39

But she wasn't ever here?

1:15:391:15:41

Interesting, isn't it?

1:15:411:15:42

I have theorised before that if one could attenuate to

1:15:421:15:44

every available data stream in the world simultaneously,

1:15:441:15:47

it would be possible to anticipate and deduce almost anything.

1:15:471:15:50

Hmm.

1:15:511:15:53

So, you dreamed up a magic woman who told you things you didn't know?

1:15:531:15:56

Well, sounds about right to me. Possibly, I'm biased.

1:15:561:16:00

Perhaps the drugs opened certain doors in my mind.

1:16:001:16:03

-I'm intrigued.

-I know you are.

1:16:061:16:08

Which is why we're all taking it in turns to keep you off the sweeties.

1:16:091:16:12

I thought we were just hanging out.

1:16:121:16:14

Molly will be here in 20 minutes.

1:16:171:16:19

Oh, I do think I can last 20 minutes without supervision.

1:16:191:16:22

Well, if you're sure.

1:16:241:16:26

Christ, John, stay, talk!

1:16:261:16:28

Uh, sorry, it's just, um, you know, Rosie.

1:16:291:16:32

Yes, of course, Rosie.

1:16:321:16:34

Go and solve a crime together, make him wear the hat.

1:16:341:16:37

-You'll be OK for 20 minutes?

-Yes, yes.

1:16:371:16:40

-Sorry, I...I wasn't thinking of Rosie.

-No problem.

1:16:401:16:42

I should, er, come and see her soon.

1:16:421:16:45

-Yes.

-Actually, he should wear the hat as a special tribute to me.

1:16:461:16:49

I'm dead, I would really appreciate it.

1:16:491:16:52

Oh, by the way, the recordings will probably be inadmissible.

1:16:521:16:55

-Sorry, what?

-Well, technically, it's entrapment,

1:16:551:16:57

so it might get thrown out as evidence.

1:16:571:16:59

Not that that matters. Apparently he can't stop confessing.

1:16:591:17:02

-That's good.

-Yeah.

1:17:021:17:03

Are you OK? JOHN LAUGHS

1:17:101:17:12

What, am I...? No, no, I'm not OK.

1:17:121:17:14

I'm never going to be OK.

1:17:141:17:16

And we'll just have to accept that.

1:17:161:17:18

It is what it is,

1:17:181:17:19

and what it is is...shit.

1:17:191:17:22

John, do better.

1:17:221:17:23

You didn't kill Mary. Mary died saving your life.

1:17:261:17:30

It was her choice, no-one made her do it.

1:17:301:17:32

No-one could ever make her do anything.

1:17:321:17:33

The point is, you did not kill her.

1:17:331:17:35

In saving my life, she conferred a value on it.

1:17:381:17:41

It is a currency I do not know how to spend.

1:17:431:17:45

It is what it is.

1:17:501:17:51

I'm tomorrow, six till ten. I'll see you then.

1:17:551:17:57

-Looking forward to it.

-Yeah.

1:17:571:18:01

WOMAN GROANS

1:18:011:18:03

That noise, that's a text alert noise?

1:18:041:18:07

What was that?

1:18:071:18:08

Hmm? What was what?

1:18:091:18:11

That's the text alert of Irene Adler.

1:18:111:18:13

She's the scary mad one, right?

1:18:131:18:14

-That noise?

-What noise?

1:18:141:18:17

But she's dead.

1:18:171:18:18

-SHE GASPS

-Ooh, I bet she isn't dead!

1:18:181:18:21

I bet he saved her.

1:18:211:18:23

Oh, my God!

1:18:231:18:25

Oh, the posh boy loves the dominatrix.

1:18:251:18:27

He's never knowingly under-cliched, is he?

1:18:271:18:30

John?

1:18:301:18:32

-I'm going to make a deduction.

-Oh, OK, that's good.

1:18:321:18:35

And if my deduction is right,

1:18:351:18:36

-you're going to be honest and tell me, OK?

-OK.

1:18:361:18:39

Though I should mention that it is possible for any given text alert

1:18:391:18:42

-to become randomly attached to...

-Happy birthday.

1:18:421:18:45

Thank you, John, that's...very kind of you.

1:18:481:18:51

Never knew when your birthday was.

1:18:511:18:53

Well, now you do.

1:18:531:18:55

-Seriously, we're not going to talk about this?

-Talk about what?

1:18:551:18:58

-I mean, how does it work?

-How does what work?

1:18:581:19:00

You and The Woman.

1:19:001:19:02

Do you go to a discreet Harvester sometimes?

1:19:021:19:04

Is there nights of passion in High Wycombe?

1:19:041:19:06

Oh, for God's sakes, I don't text her back!

1:19:061:19:09

-LAUGHS:

-Why not?

1:19:091:19:11

You bloody moron!

1:19:111:19:13

She's out there, she likes you and she's alive!

1:19:131:19:17

And do you have the first idea

1:19:171:19:19

how lucky you are?!

1:19:191:19:20

Yes, she's a lunatic, she's a criminal, she's insanely dangerous.

1:19:201:19:25

-Trust you to fall for a sociopath!

-Oh, married an assassin!

1:19:251:19:27

But she's, you know...

1:19:271:19:29

-What?

-Just text her back.

-Why?

1:19:301:19:33

Because High Wycombe is better than

1:19:331:19:34

you are currently equipped to understand!

1:19:341:19:37

I once caught a triple poisoner in High Wycombe.

1:19:371:19:39

That's only the beginning, mate.

1:19:391:19:41

As I think I have explained to you many times before,

1:19:411:19:44

romantic entanglement, while fulfilling for other people...

1:19:441:19:47

-Would complete you as a human being.

-That doesn't even mean anything.

1:19:471:19:49

Just text her, phone her,

1:19:491:19:50

do something while there's still a chance,

1:19:501:19:52

because that chance doesn't last forever.

1:19:521:19:54

Trust me, Sherlock, it's gone before you know it.

1:19:541:19:56

Before you know it!

1:19:561:19:58

She was wrong about me.

1:20:051:20:07

Mary? How so?

1:20:071:20:08

She thought that if you put yourself in harm's way,

1:20:101:20:12

I'd...I'd rescue you, or something.

1:20:121:20:15

But I didn't, not till she told me to.

1:20:151:20:17

And that's how this works, that's what you're missing.

1:20:181:20:21

She taught me to be the man she already thought I was.

1:20:211:20:23

Get yourself a piece of that.

1:20:231:20:25

Forgive me, but you are doing yourself a disservice.

1:20:251:20:27

I have known many people in this world, but made few friends,

1:20:271:20:29

-and I can safely say...

-I cheated on her.

1:20:291:20:31

No clever comeback?

1:20:351:20:36

I cheated on you, Mary.

1:20:361:20:38

There was a woman on the bus,

1:20:401:20:42

and I had a plastic daisy in my hair,

1:20:421:20:44

I'd been playing with Rosie.

1:20:441:20:45

And this girl just smiled at me.

1:20:481:20:50

That's all it was, it was a smile.

1:20:511:20:53

We texted, constantly.

1:20:541:20:56

You want to know when?

1:20:561:20:57

Every time you left the room - that's when.

1:20:571:20:59

When you were feeding our daughter.

1:20:591:21:01

When you were stopping her from crying - that's when.

1:21:011:21:04

And that's all it was.

1:21:081:21:10

Just texting.

1:21:111:21:12

But I wanted more.

1:21:131:21:15

And do you know something? I still do.

1:21:161:21:19

I'm not the man you thought I was, I'm not that guy.

1:21:201:21:23

I never could be.

1:21:231:21:24

But that's the point.

1:21:241:21:26

-VOICE BREAKS:

-That's the whole point.

1:21:291:21:31

Who you thought I was...

1:21:351:21:37

..is the man who I want to be.

1:21:391:21:41

Well, then...

1:21:441:21:45

..John Watson...

1:21:471:21:49

..get the hell on with it.

1:21:551:21:56

JOHN SOBS

1:22:061:22:09

-It's OK.

-It's not OK.

1:22:151:22:17

No...

1:22:201:22:21

..but it is what it is.

1:22:231:22:24

So, Molly's going to meet us at this cake place.

1:22:321:22:35

Well, it's your birthday. Cake is obligatory.

1:22:351:22:38

Oh, well, I suppose a sugar high is some sort of substitute.

1:22:381:22:41

Behave.

1:22:411:22:43

Right then. You know, it's not my place to say,

1:22:431:22:45

but...it was just texting.

1:22:451:22:48

-People text. Even

-I

-text. Her, I mean. Woman. Bad idea.

1:22:501:22:55

Try not to, but, you know, sometimes...

1:22:551:22:57

It's not a pleasant thought, John,

1:22:581:23:00

but I have this terrible feeling from time to time

1:23:001:23:02

that we might all just be human.

1:23:021:23:05

-Even you?

-No.

1:23:051:23:07

Even you.

1:23:081:23:09

-Cake?

-Cake! Oh, um...

1:23:131:23:16

What? What is it?

1:23:161:23:18

What's wrong?

1:23:181:23:20

-JOHN LAUGHS

-Seriously?

1:23:221:23:24

I'm Sherlock Holmes - I wear the damn hat!

1:23:241:23:25

Isn't that right, Mary?

1:23:281:23:30

You seem so much better, John.

1:23:401:23:43

Yeah, I...I am. I think I am.

1:23:431:23:46

Not all day, not every day, but, you know.

1:23:461:23:50

-It is what it is?

-Yeah.

1:23:501:23:52

And Rosie?

1:23:531:23:55

Beautiful, perfect.

1:23:551:23:56

Unprecedented in the history of children.

1:23:561:24:00

That's not my bias - that's scientific fact.

1:24:001:24:02

-Good. And Sherlock Holmes?

-Back to normal.

1:24:021:24:05

'Get out!'

1:24:051:24:06

She's possessed by the devil!

1:24:061:24:08

I swear, my wife is channelling Satan!

1:24:081:24:10

Yes, boring, go away!

1:24:101:24:12

I'm not channelling Satan!

1:24:121:24:13

Why not, given your immediately alternative?

1:24:131:24:15

-What about his brother?

-Mycroft? He's fine.

1:24:241:24:27

So, you're off now. I won't see you for a week?

1:24:271:24:31

-Just spending it at home. Unless she calls.

-The PM.

1:24:311:24:35

-Here.

-What's this?

1:24:371:24:39

-My number.

-I already have your number.

1:24:391:24:42

-My private number.

-Why would I need that?

1:24:421:24:45

I don't know. Maybe you'd like a drink sometime.

1:24:451:24:48

-Of...what?

-Up to you.

1:24:481:24:52

Call me.

1:24:521:24:54

HE CHUCKLES

1:24:571:25:00

I mean, obviously, "normal" and "fine"

1:25:051:25:08

are both relative terms when it comes to Sherlock and Mycroft.

1:25:081:25:11

Obviously.

1:25:111:25:12

She was real.

1:25:211:25:23

'But I didn't mean Mycroft.'

1:25:301:25:32

I meant the other one.

1:25:321:25:34

-Which other one?

-You know, the secret one.

1:25:341:25:37

Oh, that was just something I said.

1:25:371:25:39

I'm sure there's...

1:25:391:25:41

How did you know about that? I didn't tell you that.

1:25:451:25:47

-You must have done.

-I really didn't.

1:25:471:25:49

Well, maybe Sherlock told me.

1:25:491:25:52

But you've met Sherlock exactly once, in this room,

1:25:521:25:56

he was off his head.

1:25:561:25:57

Oh, no, no, I met him before that.

1:25:571:26:00

When?

1:26:001:26:01

We spent a night together. It was lovely.

1:26:011:26:05

We had chips.

1:26:051:26:07

-IN NORTHERN ACCENT:

-"You're not what I expected, Mr Holmes."

1:26:131:26:16

"You're...nicer."

1:26:171:26:20

Culverton gave me Faith's original note.

1:26:321:26:35

A mutual friend put us in touch.

1:26:351:26:38

Did Sherlock ever tell you about the note?

1:26:391:26:42

I added some deductions for Sherlock.

1:26:421:26:45

He was quite good.

1:26:451:26:47

But...he didn't get the big one.

1:26:491:26:52

In fairness, though, he does have excellent taste in chips.

1:27:041:27:09

-What's that?

-What's what?

1:27:091:27:10

The flower in your hair, it's like I had on the bus.

1:27:101:27:12

You looked very sweet.

1:27:121:27:15

But then...

1:27:151:27:16

.."You have such nice eyes."

1:27:191:27:21

Amazing the times a man doesn't really look at your face.

1:27:211:27:25

Oh, you can hide behind a sexy smile or a walking cane,

1:27:251:27:29

or just be a therapist,

1:27:291:27:31

talking about you...ALL the time.

1:27:311:27:36

Oh, please don't go anywhere,

1:27:361:27:37

I'm sure the therapist who actually lives here

1:27:371:27:39

wouldn't want blood on the carpet.

1:27:391:27:41

Oh, hang on, it's fine.

1:27:411:27:43

She's in a sack in the airing cupboard.

1:27:431:27:45

-Who are you?

-Isn't it obvious?

1:27:451:27:47

Haven't you guessed?

1:27:491:27:51

I'm Eurus.

1:27:511:27:52

Eurus?

1:27:521:27:54

Silly name, isn't it? Greek. Means "the east wind".

1:27:541:27:58

My parents loved silly names,

1:27:581:28:01

like Eurus...

1:28:011:28:03

or Mycroft...

1:28:031:28:05

or Sherlock.

1:28:051:28:08

Oh, look at him.

1:28:081:28:09

Didn't it ever occur to you, not even once,

1:28:091:28:11

that Sherlock's secret brother might just be Sherlock's secret sister?

1:28:111:28:16

Huh?

1:28:171:28:18

He's making a funny face.

1:28:201:28:21

I think I'll put a hole in it.

1:28:231:28:25

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