Episode 2 The A Word

He talks, laughs, looks you in the eye, smiles, how's he autistic?

-I don't understand!

-Right, no-one uses that word, not in this house.

If we label him now, it's over.

-You're a genius, what are ya?

-A genius.

If you're hiking or cycling, the diner does the job, doesn't it?

Why build a restaurant?

Bit of advice on your first day, do not let them Polish lads

take advantage. I learnt that the hard way.

-I need a second opinion.

-I won't do it because it's Michael...

-Michael?

-..who I had an affair with.

Wouldn't be fair on Eddie.

What wouldn't be fair on Eddie?

# The time was going so frequently

# She said If I try harder again... #

-HE SINGS ALONG

-# ..She's flying in the face of fashion now

# Sells the world annually to a friend

# She's singing World shut your mouth

# Shut your mouth

# Put your head back in the clouds and shut your mouth

# World shut your mouth

# Shut your mouth

# Put your head back in the clouds and shut your mouth... #

# ..World shut your mouth

# Shut your mouth

# Put your head back in the clouds and shut your mouth

# World shut your mouth

# Shut your mouth

# Put your head back in the clouds and shut your mouth... #

This programme contains some strong language.

Thank you.

Joe. No, no, not today, sweetheart.

-I'll swing you round, if you like, Joe.

-No, love.

-Come on.

He really doesn't need swinging round.

If we do this every day, then we are reinforcing him

-walking out on the road every morning.

-I want Dad.

All right?

CAR APPROACHES

What are you doing?

Saving a hundred quid a day in labour costs.

If you're paying them a hundred quid a day, no wonder you're in trouble.

You're getting in the way of my guys.

I can dig an hole, Sally.

You always could, Paul. You always could.

Morning.

Joe, you might want to go in now. Go in now.

Morning.

Bye.

CHILDREN CHATTER

-TEACHER:

-Nice and slowly...

INAUDIBLE

That's it, well done.

BELL RINGS

CHILDREN CHATTER

Mozart! Come on, then! Let's go.

MUSIC ON COMPUTER: Accidents Will Happen by Elvis Costello

Hey. What you doing?

Having fun. I think that's allowed,

don't you? Full day at school, eh?

Can you do something else for five minutes?

Just, just, take a break from the music.

Yeah.

Now?

(Yeah.)

Oh, right, um...

Hey, look. Joe, look. Shall we do this?

Joe? Look, I've got a little zebra on the move here.

Joe?

Look, I've got a monkey.

HE IMITATES A MONKEY

Hey, you might want to turn the music off, just... Take it away.

-There we go...

-MUSIC STOPS

Right.

# Got a monkey... #

HE IMITATES A MONKEY

# ..How does a monkey sing?

# We don't know

# But it's doing like a monkey does!

# Where does the monkey live? #

Yey! That's it! Good lad!

You're a great dad.

You're a great mum.

Listen, will you take him out of school? It's for the best.

What?

Look, come here. Come here. Come with me.

Back in a bit.

Have you seen him in the playground?

Have you seen any other kid talk to him?

It's early days. The school know what they're doing, love.

Joe goes to school, he gets labelled, it's over.

-He's been labelled already by an expert in autism.

-MUSIC STARTS AGAIN

One expert! Just one! And she was all over the place!

And she's on Facebook every night!

It's two, seeing as we're counting. And how do you know that?

-Joe, turn that down!

-Hey, hey, hey, don't shout at him.

I'm not shouting at him. I'm raising my voice.

Don't get angry with me because you're upset.

So, what if another expert tells you something that you don't want to hear?

Do we find another one and then another one?

You got a better plan?

Yes, we do what normal people do. We talk to the school

and we tell them about the diagnosis.

You see, I am DOING something, Paul.

You're talking about doing something...

In case you hadn't noticed, Alison, I am building a restaurant!

Really?

I was wondering what that pile of rubble by the diner was.

Joe! TURN THAT DOWN!

MUSIC CONTINUES

Home schooling? What?

I'm not meaning to be offensive, but if Joe's damaged stock already,

won't that make him even more of an oddball?

-That's you NOT meaning to be offensive?

-Home schooling's not that unusual, Maurice.

Oh, in London, perhaps.

I've broken the day down into sections.

There's a list of activities on the notice board.

People just fill in when they think they can help and what they can offer.

Are you getting advice on this or just diving in...?

We're going to get advice, expert advice, aren't we, Nicola?

We'll take all the advice we can, as long as Alison agrees with it.

You going to help with any sessions with Joe? Yes or no?

Yeah, I could do some early mornings, late afternoons, sure.

Great. Nicola, I was going to put you down for more sessions than anyone else,

mainly because of your expertise, but also because you're not

-working at the moment.

-I'm hoping that might change.

-Really?

-No need to sound so surprised.

-Glad to hear it.

-The more you settle in, the more you'll be able to put the past behind you.

-I already have, Maurice.

Now, perhaps you can put my past behind you too.

Is this kid going to have any spare time at all?

Not if I can help it, no.

And then maybe after all this intensive input, he'll be able to go back to school and cope.

And then he can have a long and unhappy life like the rest of us.

The older he gets, the more distressing it is for him

to be in a world that he doesn't understand.

That's real distress, Paul. Real pain.

Our son.

Hiya. What's happening?

We're putting together a rota for home schooling Joe.

One, that's insane, and two, I'm going to miss my bus.

That doesn't get you off the hook with the Joe rota, young lady.

Is that what we're calling him now? Joe Rota. He's Joe.

He's always been Joe. Why wouldn't we want him to be Joe?

How exactly are you going to work if he's at home all day?

I'll give up work if I have to.

Oh, and what are you going to eat, wishful thinking on toast?

I haven't planned every detail yet.

-All I need to know at the moment is whether you're going to help me or not.

-Even if I disagree with it?

Are you going to help me or not?

Why can't you be more like your mother?

Great.

What do you think about that, then, eh, Joe?

Standing on top of the world.

This time next year, we'll be running up here, you and me.

No danger.

Can you see the diner? Joe? Your dad's new pub?

Just...just follow the river.

Does Dad know that Maya's still temping here?

Is that what you came here to ask me?

No.

I want your blessing for me to send Joe's reports to Michael

and for Michael to talk them through with Nicola.

Michael who?

You know very well.

Oh. Nicola's ex-lover. That Michael.

Yeah. You said it yourself, we need an expert.

He's a real expert.

He's certainly that.

Nicola won't speak to him unless you're OK with it. Do you mind?

Would it make any difference to you if I did?

No. Not really.

Then, it isn't a question.

Don't make it difficult for me.

No, I mean, a question requires an answer. There is no answer, so it's not really a question.

-Christ, it must be hard being you sometimes!

-Yes.

It is.

If you want Nicola to talk to Michael about Joe, then...do it.

But don't ask me to like it.

You should speak to Michael about Joe.

I mean, it's his specialist subject, so...

Alison spoke to you?

Yeah. And, I mean, it's for Joe.

I was...I was thinking that, too.

Were you?

Yeah, Michael's teaching two days a week in Manchester at the moment.

How do you know that?

I get e-mailed all the courses, the...the BMJ training courses.

Well. There you go. Perfect opportunity.

You'd be all right with it?

I've said so, haven't I?

OK.

ALARM BUZZES

-VIDEO ON COMPUTER:

-'I think there are ways of engaging him, er,

'even when he's locked into these self-soothing behaviours.

'I think we need to maybe move towards him,

'so that he can move towards us.

'It might be a case of using the object he's fixated on...'

-VIDEO:

-'..his three-month check, his six-month check...'

Is there any cereal left?

Er, only the stuff that's good for you, unfortunately.

VIDEO CONTINUES

We could borrow Tom's tent.

A tent? Are you serious? A tent?

If you want it as much as I do, then a tent'd be fine.

Oh, OK, yeah, you've convinced me(!) Let's borrow a tent,

so we can screw on a clammy groundsheet with sheep outside.

No need to make it sound so sordid.

On the other hand, your tent blackmail line was class itself.

Piss off, Tom!

You let Nicola go and see Michael, just like that?

Are you insane?

It's called trust. It's called being a grown-up.

It's called being a soft touch. Don't you think it was a mistake?

The only mistake I made was telling you.

She wanted you to stop her. Don't you see?

-What?

-Do you think Michael's the only autism expert in the country?

-It was a test.

-I'm not sure it's any of your business, Dad.

No, you're right. It's not.

But it's the lack of decisiveness I'm concerned about.

I see Maya's still here.

Yes. She is.

Same problem again. Too nice.

You were always the talented one but too nice.

You think I'm the talented one?

-Hello, Maya, you all right, darling?

-Hello! Hello, lovely.

Listen Maya, love, I'm going to have to let you go, I'm afraid.

What?

I'm very sorry about that. OK?

INTERCOM RINGS 'Hello?'

Hello, er, Paul Hughes. I have an appointment.

So what do the parents want me to say?

That he doesn't have autism?

Mmm. But you know, don't you?

These are good people who've done the assessments.

Maybe not the best communicators, but there we are.

And you think so too, so...

They just need a plan.

-How old is he? Five?

-Mmm.

There's a brilliant speech and language therapist

here in Manchester I'm going to refer them to and the usual advice -

they need to get all the help and support they can to keep him in the mainstream,

especially in primary school.

They're thinking of home educating.

Hmm. Really?

Well, they'll need to be tough and organised and together,

because whatever they choose to do, the parents need to act as a team.

DT in there.

Oh, DT, right.

Oh. Right.

What does DT stand for?

Woodwork.

Right. Oh, well,

I...I could use some of your DT pupils at my building site.

I don't think that'd be allowed.

Would you like to see the hall?

It's where we have gathering, which is our word for assembly,

and where we do PE, and Jason hangs off the bars

and his mother has to be called in to get him down.

Oh, I'd like to see that very much, yeah.

Hmm. Yes. So would I.

And this is the end of the tour of our excellent school.

I hope you enjoyed it as much as I have, yes?

Yeah. Yes, I did. Very much.

Good. So did I.

Do you like it here?

Of course. I love it here.

Did you ever go to a, a different school?

I did, but my mum said it wasn't suitable.

Oh, right. Did she ever say why not?

The other children called me things and my mum said it's

because they were unhappy about themselves,

but they seemed to be smiling a lot for people who were unhappy with themselves,

so we thought it wasn't suitable, yes?

Yeah, right. That's right, yeah.

And the teachers help me here.

Oh, did they not help you at your other school?

Oh, they did, but they don't say, "Oh, Andy!" here,

and sigh out, like this...

Oh, right. Yeah, I see, I see.

Indeed. So do I.

Goodbye.

Thank you very much indeed.

Thanks!

Hey!

Is this the best you can do?

We've been up Catbells this morning. We're just regrouping.

You've had him ten minutes, have you run out of ideas?

It's social skills.

If he can have a game of darts and pool in the pub

and hold a conversation, it'll help him fit in when he gets older.

Oh, well, I'm glad you're ambitious for him(!)

I, I drew a blank, I'm sorry. This is why he should be in school.

-Well, you shouldn't've volunteered if you were going to find it this hard.

-I didn't volunteer.

Maurice? Maurice!

Maurice Scott!

I can shout this down the high street or we can talk!

And you might want to bear in mind I'm classically trained,

I can project!

It is ridiculous that you're avoiding me

like some teenage boy who's been dumped at a disco.

Yes. OK.

I don't want to lose a friend cos he can't satisfy my sexual needs.

I will never mention it again.

At least not to you.

Can't satisfy your sexual needs? That's not exactly what I said.

I will move on.

-Oh, there's a list?

-That's none of your business.

-And where was I on that list?

It's irrelevant now. I'll see you for your lesson as usual.

And we will never talk about this again.

Come on! Can we have a go?

Hurry up! Make up your mind!

Joe. Come on. Come on!

Come on!

Come on, hurry up.

Joe, the other children are waiting, you're spoiling it. Come on,

let's... Joe. Joe!

Joe! Come on! Right, come on!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I know. I know what we can do!

FILM SOUNDTRACK PLAYS

THEY GIGGLE

Joe, sit down now, sweetheart. Good lad.

Hey, boys...

enjoy ripping the piss out of my son,

because that's as good as it's going to get for you two.

PHONE VIBRATES

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

I didn't ask for cake.

I think you've lost weight.

The speech and language therapist referral is in there

-and a covering letter from the GP, if you need it.

-Thank you.

So, what is this really about?

It's about Joe.

We could've talked about Joe on the phone.

Terrible reception in the Lakes. Anyway, this was easier.

Not for me, it isn't.

Oh. I'm sorry.

Meet you and not touch you?

-Meet you and...be what to you? I don't understand.

-Michael, I...

I can't help it. I...I've missed you.

I missed you too.

Well, that's good.

Because...a job has come up in London and...

Michael, I can't even think about that.

Why not? Why not? PHONE VIBRATES

HE SIGHS

I have to get that. Sorry.

Hello.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, they've already been referred.

Well, did you speak to Janine about it?

Hi, love. Erm...just wondering how you're getting on.

'Erm, I hope it's been a constructive day.

'So, yeah, give me a call. Bye.'

'Hiya, I don't know if you tried to call, but...'

just saying hello. Hello! Bad joke.

'Hiya, love, it's me. So, yeah. Give me a call.

'Bye.'

PHONE RINGS

PHONE CONTINUES TO RING

Yeah, that was great, wasn't it?

-Again!

-No, no, Joe. Joe, we have to go home for tea. Joe.

-Again, again, again, again!

-No, we have to go home now!

DOORBELL RINGS

Hiya.

Hi.

Oh, er, no, thanks.

I would have preferred flowers, but...

DOOR OPENS

Hello? Rebecca?

Hiya, Eddie! I won't be a minute!

Your mum texted me, she wanted me to get you something

healthy for what I must learn again to call your tea.

-I know it's early, but since we've both been abandoned.

-Great. Yeah!

Oh, sorry. I didn't realise you had company.

Hi, Mr Hughes. I'm Luke.

It's OK. You can relax. I'm her uncle, not her dad.

Oh, right.

So I'll probably let you off with a warning and a kneecapping.

-Stay there while I go and get me rifle.

-What?

He's joking. It's the family sense of humour.

We were just doing homework.

Right. Good. Well, that's good.

Erm, staying for some pizza, Luke?

No. I'd better be going.

There's plenty.

AND we could talk about wedding arrangements and so on.

Ignore him. I'll see you tomorrow.

Yeah. Nice to meet you.

He seemed nice. Luke.

Yeah.

If a little physically... Was that limp of his an injury, or is it...?

Stop it.

I'm sorry if I was...interrupting, if you were busy.

No. Well, don't be sorry.

I was...

Well, in a way, I was glad you turned up.

He wasn't getting heavy with you, was he, like forcing anything...?

No, no, nothing like that, no. He's lovely.

He's one of the good ones. Not at all rapey.

Rapey? Is that a word now?

Inbetweeners.

Ah.

It's just...you know...

God! How's your pizza?

The pizza is as pizza always is -

cheese on toast in a good suit.

Rebecca, I know you want to change the subject

and, God knows, you'd be right,

but what I'm going to say right now...

Er...you probably don't want to say.

Rebecca, relax. You're 16 years of age.

I don't need to know what you're doing and not doing.

The condom.

That's a good thing. I suppose.

And I know it's none of my business, right,

so tell me to shut up at any moment,

but I know what it's like growing up round here.

There's not enough to do

and having sex seems like a good way to pass the time until you leave,

and that's fine if that's what you want,

but you need to be sure that's what you want.

Just be sure that's what YOU want

and not just because he thought it was a good idea.

OK?

Sex is important, it just...isn't everything.

-DOOR OPENS

-I get it! I get it!

I really get it!

Hiya! Where's Alison and Joe?

Where have you been?

Er, I was, er, up at the restaurant.

Sorting out the kitchen.

Called by at lunchtime, you weren't around.

I was there.

You're normally outside.

Right. I was inside.

Hey.

Hey.

Oh.

Tough day?

I feel like weeping.

What happened?

Just too much to think about.

Emotionally distraught, exhausted, overwhelmed.

That's when I make my move.

SHE GIGGLES

TV PLAYS

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

Hiya.

Oh, hi. You're back.

Yeah. Long day.

ALARM BUZZES

-VIDEO:

-'A child with autism needs a clear structure to follow, with

'clear targets and rewards.'

So many cures available for autism online, it's a wonder anyone

still has it.

'..on the autism spectrum will not engage in the spontaneous play

'that we see in the normally developing child.

'We have to use encouragement to engage them.'

You do know you can't scare his autism away, don't ya?

Yes. I'm quite sure, if I could, I'd have done it already.

-VIDEO:

-'It develops social bonds, awareness of other's feelings

'and co-operation...'

MUSIC PLAYS FROM HEADPHONES

Mozart?

OK. This is what we're going to do.

Ten minutes.

Ten minutes, no music.

So, we...we read a book.

Or if you don't want to do that,

do some colouring in, or that Lego

you got for your birthday. Just ten minutes.

I'm going to use the timer.

I'm going to use the timer.

Exactly. Exactly! How hard can it be?

Good lad. Just ten minutes.

TIMER WHIRS

TIMER WHIRS

MUSIC PLAYS

Mozart!

Joe!

Joe, turn it off!

# ..I think I'd better leave right now... #

Joe, turn it off.

# ..Before I fall any deeper

# I think I'd better leave right now... #

Joe, turn it off.

# ..Feeling weaker and weaker... #

Joe. Turn it off.

# ..Somebody better show me how Before I fall any deeper... #

MUSIC STOPS

-Music! Music! Music!

-Hey, hey. Joe, no, no, no. No.

Music! Music! Music! Music! Music! Music! Music!

Joe! Joe, look, listen, listen.

Just five minutes and then, you get your music back. OK?

TIMER WHIRS

Music! Music! Music!

Music! Music!

Music! Music! Music! Music!

Music!

Music! Music! Music! Music! Music! Music! Music! Music!

-Hey, hey. Listen. Mozart.

-Music!

-Listen, Mozart.

Oi! Hey, hey, calm down. Calm down! Listen. Listen!

-Mozart. Listen.

-Music! Music!

OK, listen, Daddy's just being silly. Here we go.

-Hey, music!

-Music! Music! Music!

MUSIC STARTS: The Story Of The Blues (Part 1) by The Mighty Wah!

Hey, The Mighty Wah! What could be better than that?

Hm?

# Here in my pocket I got the story of the blues... #

Yeah?

# ..Tried to believe me cos... #

Story Of The Blues, Part One, by Wah!

Written by...Pete Wylie, 1982.

Good lad.

MUSIC CONTINUES

I thought he was supposed to be an expert.

He is. And he agrees with the diagnosis, so perhaps...

Perhaps they're all wrong.

Autism isn't Joe's biggest problem, Alison,

it's the consequences of it -

his ability to make relationships. That includes you, by the way.

Oh, don't worry about that. We have a great relationship.

Good.

But it might never be the relationship you imagined

having with your son and you are allowed to mourn that.

Is this you talking now, or Saint Michael?

-Does it matter?

-No, not really.

It's just one of you's full of shit and I'm wondering which one.

Alison, I...

Look, I just need advice.

Practical advice about the home schooling, that's it.

-I don't need Thought For The Day. All right?

-OK.

He's recommended a speech therapist and he thinks that the more

peers he encounters, at Cubs, at sports clubs, at school...

What if the peers he encounters take the piss or bully him?

I'm not sure social isolation is a cure for social isolation.

Was it tough for you seeing Michael again?

Yeah.

He's obviously very persuasive.

You know from personal experience how persuasive he is.

Are you saying that because I fucked Michael that I've lost

my critical faculties when it comes to judging him as a paediatrician?

Because I don't think that's true. Or fair.

You're very direct.

And you're very fierce. Which is good.

You're going to need to be.

IPOD REWINDS SONG

DOOR OPENS

# ..Here in my pocket

# I got the story of the blues... #

Again. # ..Try to believe it... #

Has he been listening to music all day?

No, not all day, no.

He took some time out to trash the living room,

because he loves home schooling so much.

No, no, no. No, you have to hoover for half an hour

-and then I might let you have a glass.

-Don't be a dick.

No, no, no, no, I'm applying behavioural analysis, just like I did with Joe.

No, you're not.

Half an hour and then, you get to have a drink.

-Do you think I've got a drink problem?

-No.

I'm just trying to give you some idea of what it feels like for him.

It's not my behaviour that needs to change.

Isn't it?

Hi, guys.

I'm not the one that's locked in my own world.

-He needs help.

-No, I don't doubt that.

-Hello, there!

-I'm just saying,

I don't think that this is the kind of help that he needs, OK?

I think there are other ways. There are other schools.

A kid came into school today with a gun and blew half the class away.

Yeah.

I've had some ideas. I've looked into this.

I'm taking Joe out.

Anything's got to be better than this.

Joe, do you want to go on the swings?

Just give it a chance. It was always going to be tough,

-you can't give up after one day.

-Come on.

There are schools better suited to his needs. Special schools.

A special school? Have you any idea what that would mean?

I do, yeah.

I went there yesterday.

You seriously went and looked at this?

I did, yeah. And do you know what? I thought it was OK.

I thought it was lovely. I thought the people were nice and kind.

Mm-hm. Right, yeah, until he's 18 and he finds out the world isn't all

soft play areas and kindly teaching assistants!

I'm not saying that's it's perfect.

I'm just saying that it's better than what we could give him.

-What do you think?

-Are you mad?

What kind of role models are in this school? It's kids with autism.

He's a great mimic. He'll come out more autistic than when he went in!

I thought we weren't using that word!

Don't pick on the language, you know exactly what I'm getting at.

You wanted me to do something, so I'm doing something!

# Well, they might wear classic Reeboks

# Or knackered Converse

# Or tracky bottoms tucked in socks

# No, that's what the point is not

# The point's that there ain't no romance around there

BOTH: # And there's the truth that they can't see

# They'd probably like to throw a punch at me

# And if you could only see 'em Then you would agree

# Agree that there ain't no romance around there

# You know

# Oh, it's a funny thing You know

# We'll tell 'em if you like

# We'll tell 'em all tonight

# They'll never listen

# Because their minds are made up

# And of course it's all OK to carry on that way... #

MUSIC CONTINUES IN HEADPHONES

How was it, then?

Seeing him again?

Your friend?

Strange.

Of all the paediatric departments in all

the hospitals in all the world, you had to walk into his.

We met at a cafe, not the hospital.

It was a joke.

And you still wish you worked at the hospital?

I had a job that I loved and colleagues who valued me,

so, yeah, yeah, I do.

And did you still get on when you talked?

Yeah, of course.

Not awkward at all?

No.

And...

..did you still fancy him?

Yeah.

Great(!)

Thank you.

-What?

-Why couldn't you just lie? For me?

Hm? Why couldn't you just do that for once?

I can't lie.

You can. And you did.

Isn't it better...that I told you that I fancied him,

but that I came home to you?

That, yeah, I was tempted, but I didn't do anything about it,

because it's you that I love and it's you that I want to

be in a relationship with, you that I want to have sex with!

No! Not really.

You told me to go and see him!

You told me to go and see him for them!

You could have said no, couldn't you?

DOORBELL RINGS

Do you fancy hitting a wall very hard with

a hammer for a couple of hours?

How did you guess?

MUSIC: New Rose by The Damned

One, two, three.

That's it.

# I got a feeling inside of me

# It's kind of strange like a stormy sea

# I don't know why I don't know why

# I guess these things have gotta be... #

Still on schedule?

More or less, yeah.

One or two of the suppliers are getting a bit tetchy.

Saying they're going to come back

-and take stuff that they've delivered.

-Like what?

Well, plasterboard for a start, but it's going to be pretty hard to

shift now that it's nailed to the wall, isn't it?

So, this...Michael thing.

There is no Michael thing.

Let's talk about the restaurant thing.

What do you want to know? It's already 20 grand over budget.

I've got the second wave of electrics to come,

I've got to pay for the doors that open out onto the deck, but I can't

afford the deck, and I'm doing my own labouring.

But it's all mine.

And it's everything I've ever wanted.

Sounds like a metaphor for something.

Everything always reminds you of something else, innit?

Yeah.

And it's usually Michael.

I would have referred him without you consulting a specialist.

The family were worried about you.

Thought you were obstructive about the hearing test a few months ago.

He doesn't have a hearing problem, does he?

No. As you can see, it's a different kind of problem altogether.

I do have the authority to refer children to paediatricians.

I think they just thought they needed to see a real expert

as soon as they could.

Well, thank goodness a little bit

of London expertise has come to us(!)

Pity you're too chippy to take advantage of it.

-Joe still off school?

-Er, yeah.

Erm, he's... Oh, do you know what, I didn't want to say,

but he's actually on a gifted and talented project.

-Oh?

-Yeah. School suggested it. It's just for a couple of months.

It's, erm, a pilot scheme.

Gifted and talented project? Really? I didn't hear about that.

Oh, I think, erm, it was on a need-to-know basis.

Just didn't want the other kids to get demoralised, you know.

Right.

Thanks.

HAMMERING

It'll just be for a couple of hours, I promise.

He can't hang around on a building site.

Did the timetable break down already?

Want me to take a look at it? Systems analysis?

Please, Eddie. Do you mind?

It's another of those questions that aren't really questions, isn't it?

Hi, Maya...

Thank you.

Ta-ra.

OK, balloons. What colours you want to choose?

Pink and red?

OK.

-Hi.

-Hi.

Maybe a bit of orange here?

Yes? No, you prefer pink.

You OK?

Yeah. And you?

Yeah.

OK. Let's continue with this one, hm?

Er, what's going on?

Hello to you, too. How was your day?

When did we hire Maya?

We didn't hire Maya. We needed a baby-sitter for a few hours.

-We know her. She's lovely.

-30 quid's worth.

I'd rather spend the money than have him on the roof of a building site waving a nail gun.

You saw how busy I was at the diner.

Great. Now we have passive aggressive cookery for beginners.

So the brewery can't afford Maya, but we can.

It's one afternoon. Cash in hand.

Three days in to your timetable and we've already hired staff.

-What are we, Downton Abbey?

-It was a one-off.

Till when? Till the next time that your timetable breaks down?

-You've already sacked Maurice!

-Here, come on, Joe. Bath time, love.

Good lad! Let's go.

ENGINE STARTS

What was that for?

For being as sane as you are when you come from such

a pathological family.

It's a pretty low standard.

No, I mean it. You're a miracle.

THEY LAUGH

Get a cushion!

DOORBELL RINGS

Ignore it.

Don't answer it.

DOORBELL RINGS

DOORBELL RINGS CONTINUOUSLY

HE SIGHS

DOORBELL RINGS

Sorry to disturb you.

If you were sorry to disturb me, you might have stopped ringing the bell.

Keys.

Keys?

We open at eight. First person in washes the floor.

-You start in a week.

-Why in a week?

I have to interview the other candidates before deciding on you.

What a prick.

A prick who seems to have just given you a job.

ALARM BUZZES

ALARM STOPS

MUSIC: World Shut Your Mouth by Julian Cope

# She's flying in the face of fashion now

# Seems to have a will of her own... #

REWINDS SONG

# She's flying in the face of fashion now

# Seems to have a will of her own... #

REWINDS SONG

# She's flying in the face of fashion now

# Seems to have a will of her own... #

REWINDS SONG

# She's flying in the face of fashion now

# Seems to have a will... #

You're up early.

What's with the face like a herbal remedy?

Here you are.

HORN TOOTS

DOORBELL RINGS

Did Joe come round to yours this morning?

Joe, no?

Dad? Dad? Did Joe come over to you this morning?

Dad? You're breaking up, Dad.

Dad?

Joe!

Joe!

Joe!

Joe!

Joe!

All right, listen, nobody panic just yet. Let's, erm...

-Bloody signal!

-Here.

Let's just follow his walk route.

It's OK, guys. It's OK. Maya just texted. He's with Maya.

She'll stay with him till we get there.

Stay...stay with him where?

VEHICLE APPROACHES

Joe?

What are you doing here?

-Thank you. Thank you so much.

-Yeah. Thank you.

Yes, I was on the way to the shop when I saw him standing here

and it was so early. I just thought that seemed strange.

Hey, what were you doing, Mozart?

It's school.

But we're not coming to school at the moment, Joe.

Do you remember?

Hm. Let me think.

No.

Do you want to come home and have some breakfast?

It's school.

There's eggy bread. How about that?

There's eggy bread, if you're quick,

and there's honey and toast,

and then we can do all kinds of cool things.

-You can come to school, Mozart.

-Hey, hang on a minute.

He wants to come to school. Could he make it any clearer?

Come on.

Bye.

Bye.

Thank you.

How much is he asking?

More than you can afford, Terry.

On these wages that doesn't surprise me.

Hey, what's with the sign?

It says, "For Sale". I thought I was the dyslexic one.

Yeah, but Joe's going to school. I don't have to give up work,

so maybe we're not going to be as strapped as we thought we were.

Do you really think he's going to get all the help that he needs at school?

Have you any idea how hard it's going to be?

How much...time and energy that it's going to take?

Yeah, we need the extra help. And advice, Alison.

And if that little pantomime at the school gates this morning

proved anything, it proved that.

Yeah, exactly, and to pay for it,

we're going to need this place to work.

No.

No, I've decided.

It's for the best.

Do I not even get a say in this?

Oh, right, so we're consulting each other

about the big decisions in our lives now, are we?

That's news to me.

Right, OK, so it's not the money, it's petulance.

You take him out of school without asking me.

You do a timetable. You send Nicola to talk to Michael.

You take on Maya without asking me.

You weren't even going to let him go to school

when it was clearly what he wanted!

It doesn't matter to you, Alison, if it's the right decision or not,

as long as it's your decision.

I love you, Paul,

but sometimes you are so full of shit. This is about Joe!

It's not about me!

Is it? Is it really?

Do you know why I think you took him out of school?

Because I love him and I don't want him to be a condition!

Because you don't want anyone to know, because you are ashamed.

You think I'm ashamed of my own son?

Of Joe. Of yourself, for not spotting it sooner.

Of us, for having him.

Of me and, finally, just to round things off...

..you're ashamed for being ashamed in the first place.

-Oh, right. Cos you're so fucking OK with it, aren't you?

-NO, I'M NOT!

Not one bit!

And that's why I can see it in you.

It's not much fun, is it?

It's not what you want to be, is it?

No, don't. If you want to sell it, sell it.

Just don't go round telling yourself it's for Joe.

The speech therapist arrives today.

Oh, my God, Margaret. How long's it been?

16 years.

It's lovely of you to drop in, but I've got a potential buyer coming...

I know. It's me.

I think he's overdue a camomile tea.

Two-bag job by the look of it.

I don't want to label him at such a young age. It's like he's failed before he's even begun.

Yay!

'What if I want to take care of Joe? His dad, my own son.'

I'm going to put reserved notices on the front-row seats.

Are you listening?

'When I turned you down, the other day, perhaps I should re-consider.'

Are you re-considering or saying you'd like to sleep with me?

-Where are you going?

-I'm not sure I can do any of this, it's beyond me.

-Before you've even tried?