Episode 3 The A Word

The older he gets, the more distressing it is for him

to be in a world that he doesn't understand.

It's real distress, Paul. Real pain.

It is ridiculous that you're avoiding me like some teenage boy.

I don't want to lose a friend because he can't satisfy my needs.

-Keys.

-Keys?

-You start in a week.

I know what it's like growing up round here.

Having sex seems like a good way to pass the time until you leave.

Hello? Rebecca?

Just be sure that's what YOU want.

They just need a plan.

There's a brilliant speech and language therapist

who I'm going to refer them to.

-What's with the sign?

-It's for the best.

Do I not even get a say in this?

It doesn't matter to you if it's the right decision

as long as it's your decision.

This programme contains some strong language.

HE SINGS ALONG TO MUSIC: # Space travel's in my blood

# There ain't nothing I can do about it

# Long journeys wear me out but I know I can't live without it

# Oh, no, I think I'm on another world with you

# With you

# I'm on another planet with you HORN BEEPS

# With you

# Another girl

# Who's loving you now

# Another planet

# Who's holding you down

# Another planet. #

CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS

Hey, Mozart!

Where've you been?

-Hey?

-I missed you.

I'll be in a bit late this morning, lads. We've got a family thing.

-OK.

-You still playing nice with Eddie, are you?

You talking to my guys?

I hope you're not trying to get back in with them

now you've put the restaurant on the market.

What's that got to do with you?

I think the rebranding should be more radical.

Take a leaf out of BrewDog's book.

Hey, that's my speech therapy notebook.

I don't want your scribble on it.

I'm not sure it's the notebook kind of therapy, Dad.

Well, if there's role-play consider me gone.

I don't think she's that kind of therapist, is she, Nicola?

I don't know.

Oh, but, I mean, she's the best, right?

I don't think there's a league table,

but I hear she does good work

with families of children on the spectrum.

Oh, "children on the spectrum". Is that what we say nowadays?

Sounds like a charity single.

Let's just all try and, you know, be ourselves.

Are you sure that's wise?

-DOORBELL RINGS

-Oh, my God!

One last chance to tell me I'm adopted.

Eh, eh, come here.

Joe!

Come on, Joe.

Oh...oh, my God. Margaret?

Margaret White? It's me.

I, I was, er, Alison Scott? Do you remember?

Yes, I remember. Hello, Alison.

-I prefer Maggie, by the way.

-Oh, sure, sure.

Goodness, what a surprise.

-How long's it been?

-16 years.

Have you not been back since you left school, really?

Never been back until now.

Wow! Well, come in!

Sorry, come in.

Just through here.

Dad, do you remember Margaret White?

Er, Maggie. Sorry, it's Maggie.

Is this part of the test, or can I be honest?

Don't worry. It's not a test.

None of this is a test.

Right, well, shall I make some coffee? Have you eaten?

Do you want...?

Er, that's Joe. This is Joe.

Erm, where you staying? How was your journey?

Hello, Joe.

Is that a table tennis table?

Shall we have a game?

No, no, let me...

Maurice.

Come on, Maurice, this way.

This is my bat. I can tell by the handle.

-Come on.

-I'm thinking if online sales take off,

-we might want to convert one of the outbuildings.

-Yeah.

Topspin!

Would one of you two find another clamp for this net

-and stop showing off?

-Eh?

All right?

Alison! Get a move on.

How long does it take to brew up? Come on, everybody's waiting!

That's Margaret White!

-Right?

-The Cookie Monster!

We hated each other at school.

She used to cry if she didn't come top of the class.

She used to steamroller over me in netball.

Well, this is table tennis, so I think you'll be OK.

-Oh...

-Come on. Come on.

Come on, come on.

OK. OK.

-Let!

-Did it touch the net?

I don't want to label him at such a young age.

Why not?

I just worry that people will treat him differently.

And why would that be so bad?

I just don't want it to be public knowledge.

We need to talk about that.

Fine, but it's not up for negotiation.

Beautiful. Ooh, great shot! One-nil.

-Come on.

-OK.

Thank you, Joe.

Well done! You clever boy.

Have a game. Come on.

Try not to tell him "well done" all the time.

A lot of this isn't about getting it right or praising him.

It's about building up a back and forth.

-Does that make sense?

-I've set up a Twitter feed for the brewery.

-A what?

-Get walking, Maurice.

You did that on purpose!

Hey, hey, come on. Let's let Joe have a go, shall we?

Come on. You ready? So, erm...

-Here we go, then. Ready?

-Yeah, that's it.

Just a slow one, Eddie.

A slow one. Try not to overcompensate.

He's just a kid, all right? You ready?

So, grab that. Come on.

Come on. Hey, hey, hey. Come here. Look at me. Come on. Hey, hey, hey.

-Come here, come here. Listen, listen, listen.

-I don't think so.

Shh, shh, shh. You're singing - # World shut your mouth

# Shut your mouth...

TOGETHER: # Put your head back in the clouds and shut your mouth. #

OK, then. Are we ready?

Hold that.

Here it comes.

-Ohh!

-Yeah! We did it! Oh, yeah!

My boy! Oh!

Lad! Lad! Wahey!

Right, come on, then.

-Come on. Another one?

-Here.

All communication is an exchange.

It's like table tennis.

Look at us all sitting here, all feeling self-conscious.

This is unnatural.

Hey, it is in this family. Nobody interrupted you.

By the time we're Joe's age,

most of our communication is automatic, unthinking, spontaneous.

Funny, even.

Hey, were I here for that day, Maurice?

So there we are.

Ping. Maurice makes a joke

to mask the fact that he's feeling uncomfortable.

Pong. Paul returns the serve, but can't help revealing

his own insecurity by making a joke at Maurice's expense.

Well, as long as you don't ask me why I'm uncomfortable,

I think I can go along with this.

I don't need to. Why wouldn't you feel uncomfortable?

You don't know what's going to happen next.

You don't know what this lunatic woman's going to say.

That's how Joe feels all the time.

Under pressure every time anybody asks him anything,

unless it's about his music, food, or his walks.

He's a kid who can't make himself heard in a family of loudmouths.

I know that feeling.

I'm not sure you can start equating your position with Joe's.

Really? You didn't grow up with this crowd.

Give it six months and you'll know what I am getting at.

I know what you're getting at. I just don't agree.

This unresolved tension here.

It doesn't matter what it's about.

What matters is that they're playing it out by arguing about Joe.

Joe becomes the lightning rod for family tension.

This in turn informs your dealings with him.

You communicate that anxiety whether you mean to or not.

No wonder he wears headphones.

He wears headphones because...

He wears headphones because he loves music.

Of course he loves music. Music doesn't answer back.

Music keeps the world at arm's length,

calms him down when he feels distressed.

Well, we're always talking about music together.

If that's not social, then I don't know what is.

It's lovely that you have music,

but it isn't communication.

For Joe, it's self-preservation.

Paul folds his arms defensively

because he's worried about what I'll be saying next.

I think we're all worried.

Paul sends another return on the back of defensive humour.

I had no idea my game was so predictable.

Are you going to be giving us a booklet at the end of this

or something? Because I'm more of a "read the instructions" type.

No.

HE SIGHS

Rebecca, meanwhile, obsessively checks her phone

in the hope that'll take her out of here.

She doesn't want to be here.

And I don't blame her.

I'll be late for rehearsals. I'm doing the school play.

Yeah, Antigone. I noticed.

What was our school play, Maggie?

I don't remember.

Er, would you mind, Maggie?

Of course not. If that's OK with your mum,

we can talk some other time.

DOOR CLOSES

I know this is tough,

but you hired me to help Joe.

I'm not sure this is helping.

You need to come up with strategies

in which Joe becomes part of the game.

But at the moment, the communication in his family,

spoken, unspoken -

it's not stuff you even see yourself, so imagine being Joe.

He doesn't understand the message in the first place,

and doesn't have the tools to respond even if he did.

How much easier life is if every conversation

turns on rote-learned details of pop music.

So, if Joe's ever going to communicate,

we need to learn how to communicate ourselves.

Where did you read that?

-I didn't read that anywhere. I just thought it.

-Really?

-THEY LAUGH

-He's the kind of guy that would

buy the books that they have at the checkout at the bookshop.

"Buddhism For Shallow People."

"Things The Dalai Lama Said On One Of His Bad Days."

This is exactly what Maggie's talking about.

This, right here, is our problem. We never shut up!

Alison's absolutely right. You don't listen to each other.

You leave no space for nuance, or exchange, or doubt.

Is it just me or are you a tough crowd, Maggie?

Humour's a great defence mechanism, Maurice.

It puts the recipient at an immediate disadvantage.

I laugh, you've won.

I don't laugh and I'm a stereotypical humourless therapist,

borderline lesbian, so you've won there, too.

Where you going?

I, er, can give Joe lifts and I can take him for walks,

but I'm, I'm not sure I can do any of this. It's beyond me.

And I don't want to mess up anything you and Maggie are cooking up

-to help Joe, so, excuse me. Thank you.

-Before you've even tried?

Well, thank you for being so honest.

You, too.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Hi.

-You're a day early.

-Yes. I wanted to talk to you.

Well, I'm giving a lesson right now.

I just wanted to say, I was hasty when I said what I said.

When I turned you down the other day.

Perhaps I should reconsider...

..if you haven't moved on.

Are you reconsidering or are you saying you'd like to sleep with me?

I hate to hurry you but, like I say, I'm giving a lesson right now.

I'm saying yes.

Would you like to wait?

Will you be bringing the ukulele?

Not unless you want me to.

It's upstairs on the left.

My bedroom.

UKULELE PLAYS

Look, there's you on holiday, isn't it? Joe?

You know it is. Do you remember?

Hey? You do!

And there's Rebecca holding you as a baby.

Look how tiny you are there.

Oh, baby Joe.

Look at that.

No, come on, Joe. You love these photos. You always do.

Come on, now.

ALBUM CLATTERS

OK. So, maybe the book wasn't a great idea.

Joe?

Boo!

-IN MONSTER VOICE:

-Joe, now will you look at the book with me?

Eh? Now will you look at the book?

This is where I lose the will to live.

Ah. I can see you on holiday. That looks like fun.

Where's Rebecca?

Oh, and here's your birthday party. An octopus cake!

That looks absolutely delicious.

It doesn't matter at this stage that one of us

is not really looking. It doesn't matter at this stage

that one of us is not really saying anything.

What matters is setting up an exchange. Ping pong.

But we don't want to crowd a young one out at this point.

We just want him to join in. Do you see?

-I'm in his face all the time, aren't I?

-You are.

And that makes him anxious that he doesn't have what it takes

to fulfil your overwhelming need.

Oof. That's a bit harsh.

It will be a bit harsh, but I hope not for Joe.

That's the main thing, isn't it?

It will get better than that. I promise.

What makes you think you get a second chance?

That was one of my little jokes, Maurice.

I slept with one woman for 35 years

and, after she went, nobody.

That would explain all that running you do.

No, I, I...

It's strange, isn't it?

Different...body.

-Different geography.

-Different geography?!

Maybe you should bring a compass next time.

No, what I mean is...

Must be even longer for you, since your husband left.

Five years.

There has been someone since then, Maurice.

Oh, right.

I see.

Didn't work out. We were both on the rebound.

I, I, don't need to know.

He was my lodger. Music student.

We got on very well.

A student?

But he was so young and demanding.

Mid-twenties.

That generation have come of age with hardcore pornography, you see?

Very strange expectations of what might be enjoyable...

..or desirable...

..or even physically possible, come to that.

Craft beer is booming.

Real ale is over. OK?

Dad?

What's the difference?

Nothing in the taste. Everything in the brand.

Real ale is goblins and prog rock.

Craft beer is social media and punk.

Is this what you wanted to talk to me about?

We go big online, there'll be a spike in demand.

We need to be ready for that.

So, we're going to have to convert some of the outbuildings

and install a dual-purpose conditioning vessel.

-Yes, OK.

-So, you're giving me the go-ahead

-for all that?

-Well, you're the boss, aren't you?

-You don't want time to think it over?

-Like I say, you're in charge.

Yes!

Pick up the apple.

Pick up the apple.

Put it in the pan.

In the pan.

Right in the pan.

That's it. Your turn. Your turn to ask me.

I can't hear you, Joe, so I don't know what to do.

Pick up the button.

OK.

I don't know where it should go.

In the sock.

In the sock? OK. What should I do now?

Put the pen...

OK.

..in...

..the cup.

In the green cup or the blue cup?

-Blue cup.

-Blue cup. OK.

Now, find the apple and put it in the red bowl.

In the red bowl.

That's it!

Now...

Hiya.

Hey! Have you heard those two?

She's got him eating out the palm of her hand.

Ooh, is that a social skill he's ever really going to need?

I think we should get her to come and work with Joe

three times a week. We've found our miracle worker.

I think the real miracle is how we'd pay for that.

Well, here's a tip. Not by selling the restaurant.

There's interest already

and if they offer the asking price then we're in the clear.

Yeah, but then what?

The diner doesn't pay enough. Eddie's got your old job.

Have you any idea how much we've spent already?

-No, I haven't, because you won't ever talk about it.

-Well...

we're talking about it now,

and I'm not even using humour as a defence mechanism.

It's important that you practise speech with him where the response

is physical and clear and not abstract or emotional.

-Do you see how that might help?

-Yeah, yeah, sure. Yeah.

Sit down, Maggie. Sit down. Paul. Open some wine. Or beer?

You look like you might be a craft beer sort of a girl.

-Is that a joke?

-No. I was genuinely, we've got some, some...

No, it's me that uses jokes to mask my feelings, remember?

Nothing for me, thank you. I need to go now.

Oh, you're not going to eat with us?

No, but thank you. I've booked dinner at the Red Lion.

-I'm seeing an old friend.

-Oh, really. Who?

-She isn't local. You wouldn't know her.

-Oh, well, invite her along.

Come on, please, you need to tell me

everything you know about Joe. We need to make plans.

I'm very sorry. But I've already made other arrangements.

I'll see you both in the morning. Bye, Joe.

Miss Wallace says that if Creon doesn't know his lines

by tomorrow morning she's going to have to recast. Can you imagine?

Well, I practically know the part. And I've got the legs for a toga.

-It's modern dress.

-Maggie thinks that drama might be good for Joe.

Mum, you forgot to put the cheque in the envelope for the tickets.

That's a good idea. Eh, Mozart, want to do some acting?

Hmm. Let me see.

I don't think so, no.

Rebecca, will you check if your Saturday drama class

-has any spaces?

-Can't you do that?

Well, you're there every week, so I think it's easier if you do.

I don't ask you for much, so just do this one thing, would you?

JOE TURNS MUSIC ON

-Eh, eh, eh, eh, come on, big man!

-PAUL TURNS MUSIC OFF

Come on, eat your tea.

Have some of your spaghetti, Joe.

"What more do you want? Kill me, and have done with it."

"Nothing more than your death. That'll be enough."

"Then what are you waiting for...?"

Ice cream, ladies?

If only Creon had offered Antigone an ice cream.

Why didn't he think of that? She's a girl, for God's sake!

Eddie likes to demonstrate his liberalism

-by making ironic sexist remarks.

-Mum said they used to call you

the Ice Cream King when you were growing up.

Yeah, it was the only job her and your grandad trusted me with.

You might want to think about how you feel about your own brother

-and put some of that into it.

-Right.

And how serious is it with your boyfriend? That might help too.

-You don't need to answer that, Rebecca.

-What?

Nicola doesn't do small talk.

KNOCKING

A-ha, so that's where you ran off to. Very cosy.

Nicola knows the play. I told you.

Twice. Thanks for helping me with the play.

-I've got to go and meet a friend.

-On a school night? Really?

It's about schoolwork.

OK. Well, don't be late.

Teenage strop.

I think she just needed to get away from you and your house for a while.

Right. Well thank you, Nicola, for telling it like it is.

-Is her boyfriend nice?

-She hasn't got a boyfriend.

I just wanted to say thank you for coming this morning.

I hope you're not feeling too bruised after Maggie's session.

-Oh, no, not at all. It's her job.

-Yeah.

I think it's right that she locates the unresolved tension

in the whole family and not just in Joe.

Yeah, sure. Yeah.

Well, some of the family, anyway.

Well, night, then.

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

So...shall we call it Michael?

Our "unresolved tension"?

I don't think we can lay all our unresolved tension

at Michael's door, can we?

-Be nice to park it somewhere.

-Are you serious?

Actually, do we need to talk about this right now?

-You brought it up.

-When people say,

"Do we need to talk about this right now?"

it generally means they don't want to.

So how do we resolve that tension?

We could try the ancient art of sexual intercourse.

Do you really think that'll help?

It's got to be worth a try.

RADIO: 'But I got into a debate about the difference

'between implied and inferred.'

What?

MUFFLED SPEECH ON RADIO

-What?

-Nothing.

She's just realised that she still loves Sam Smith.

Sam Smith's gay.

But Rebecca thinks she can turn him.

She leaned in on me at a party once and it got very messy.

Talk to yourself.

-I'm sorry.

-Can we lose the commentary, Tom?

I could. But then Rebecca would discover how dull you truly are.

Come on. Let's go for some chips.

He's fast asleep.

She's tired him out.

Excellent! Let's seize the moment.

If Maggie agrees three times a week,

I think we can manage the rest between all of us.

Ping.

The male makes a clumsy display of affection.

Pong.

The female returns the male's sexual advances.

Stop it.

Ping. She chastises him.

Pong. He rather likes it.

It makes him aroused. Ping.

It makes her aroused. Pong.

-Stop it, I mean it, don't make fun of it.

-OK. OK. OK.

Ping. He serves again, she returns.

Stop.

-OK, I promise.

-No. I can hear Rebecca practising her lines.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, we'll just, we'll just be quiet.

-Very quiet.

-MUFFLED SPEECH THROUGH WALL

I'm not really feeling it with Antigone next door.

Is it me or are your knock-back lines getting that bit classier?

Sorry.

Let me go.

'You are quite mistaken.

'None of the Thebans anywhere in the city thinks as you do.'

They all do! But they keep their mouths shut when you're here!

-'Not at all...'

-KNOCK ON DOOR

'..and you should be ashamed setting yourself up against the majority.'

Time to wrap it up now, love. It's a big week for you this week.

-OK.

-Goodnight. Night.

-Did you hear that?

-'Yeah.'

I'm going to have to go.

-'Goodnight.'

-I'll see you tomorrow.

MAURICE CLEARS HIS THROAT

Morning.

Don't let me interrupt.

-See you later.

-See ya.

-REBECCA PRACTISES HER LINES

-Maggie's great for him, isn't she?

If she's what Joe needs then I think the world of her.

Never mind her just assessing Joe.

I think we should ask her to come three times a week

and work with him and help us deal with him.

-She won't come cheap.

-No. I know, that's what Paul said.

That's why he's adamant on selling the restaurant.

He doesn't need to sell the restaurant to help Joe.

The money's there. In my account. Your mother's life insurance.

-I can't think of a better use for it.

-Don't undermine him, though.

When have I ever undermined anybody?

Any interest?

Huh?

Oh, yeah, estate agent rang this morning. Got somebody coming round.

How much are you asking?

A quid more than I owe the bank'd be nice.

Still...nice when it lasted.

-The dream. Living it and all that.

-Yeah.

Catching up on old times?

No. I just needed a good internet signal.

Oh, well, you've got Alison to thank for that.

Yeah, she set up the Wi-Fi for the whole place.

-She thinks of everything.

-Yes.

That were quite a battering you give us yesterday.

I didn't do it for effect. I did it so you can help Joe.

No, I know, I know. I just, it's just, um...

..are we really doing that badly?

No. I can see that you get on with him.

I can see that you make Joe happy.

I'm just doing what any dad would do, I think.

So it's understandable if you overcompensate a bit.

Well. That's dads for you, eh?

Right, well, I'd better get up the hill.

I was working with this family once.

And I said that I thought at family meal times it would be a good idea

to let the child - Alfie - serve the food up at the table.

It was a way of getting the child to socialise

without feeling the pressure.

And the dad said, "Well, that sounds like a good idea,

"but unfortunately I'm always up a ladder at family mealtimes."

I asked him why and he said,

"Alfie won't eat his food unless I'm up a ladder outside the house."

That's insane.

Yes. And this family were clever, sane people.

But the dad being up a ladder at mealtimes

seemed a small price to pay to keep their boy happy.

Why are you telling me this?

You're doing fine with Joe. He loves you and he likes you.

Relax. You don't need to be the one outside on the ladder.

Has the vendor got figures for flooring costs

-and second-fix electrics?

-Maurice!

It's lovely of you to drop in, but I've got a potential buyer coming...

-I know.

-So, if you don't...

-It's me. I'm the potential buyer.

This is nonsense, Maurice,

and you know it. You're wasting your time.

Why? If I buy the place, you can still run it.

The costs are too high to finish the job.

Do you think you can run a restaurant or not?

Look, it's different now, with Joe, it's...

It's just, now is not the time to be risking all of this,

and we're going to be taking Maggie on.

I'll take care of that. You worry about this place.

What if I want to take care of Joe, hmm? His dad.

My own son.

Honestly, you and Alison. Unbelievable!

Get Michael in.

Get Maggie in. Take him out of school.

Put him back into school. Go private!

Takeover! Takeover! Takeover!

-With all due respect...

-Oh, fuck "all due respect."

..I think Joe's welfare is more important than your ego.

It's not about the ego.

It's about the fact that I've got something to say.

I have ideas!

I will not be the one outside the house up a ladder at tea-time!

What?

I don't even know why you're here, Maurice.

I know you can't really afford the place.

I'll sell the brewery.

Pull the other one.

Why not? The business plan for this place is sound.

You worked for me from the age of 16 up till six months ago.

So, you know, we'll know what we're getting into.

It'll be just like it always was.

Listen, I know you dreamed of running your own place,

but don't kick yourself to death if management's not for you.

I'll be in touch.

He is a bastard. He's a bastard!

I think he's overdue a camomile tea.

Two-bag job, by the look of it.

Sorry, no. That won't be happening.

How do you mean, no? Do you mean yes?

I came here to write a plan and recommend someone local to help you,

but it won't be me.

-So, when can you start? Come on, three mornings a week.

-Alison...

I'm very sorry, but I can't work with Joe on a regular basis.

You knew that all along.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You don't get away that easily.

You are brilliant for Joe and I won't take no for an answer.

I know you find that hard, but you're going to have to.

There are people with the same expertise.

-Please, Maggie. Name your price.

-I am sorry.

Joe's a lovely boy, but I am not the only person who can help him.

It was lovely to meet you, Joe. Bye now.

If I have to lie down in the road in front of the car, then I will.

You, Maggie, are GOING to work with Joe.

You can't always have what you want, Alison. Not even you.

Is that a "maybe"?

-Oh, come on.

-You are blind to everybody's needs but your own.

You are a bully, Alison. You bullied me at school

and you are bullying me now.

Well, too bad. I will send through my report.

I will help you find someone local.

But I won't be bullied by you again.

CAR ENGINE STARTS

Are you coming in, kiddo?

Come on.

Joe?

Was I really a bully? Is that possible?

Hey, it's not funny, Paul.

Hey, I'm the one who uses humour as a defence mechanism, remember?

Well, now you're using "humour as a defence mechanism"

as humour as a defence mechanism.

And now you're bullying me. So maybe Maggie had a point.

-D'you think?

-No, no, course not.

Not now, maybe, but at school you might have been and not known it.

Look she was a big, strange girl. I remember that.

But we were all strange. We were insecure. We were teenagers.

You're always telling us that you were voted

Miss Wordsworth High two years on the run.

That was a joke thing that the boys did.

It was nothing official.

Although it was three years on the run, since you mention it.

Yeah, so you must've been a bit more secure than Maggie, then?

Good-looking, slim.

Thank you, lovely, but I wasn't a bully.

And anyone who says differently is going to get a Chinese burn.

Listen.

Kids pull all sorts of stunts when they're young.

-Hmm.

-You're with the "in" crowd one minute and then suddenly you're not.

You're talking about wanking at Cub camp

and then back at school the same boys are suddenly ripping the piss

out of you in front of everyone and calling you Wanker Hughes.

For example.

-I suspect that one might be more of a boy thing.

-Maybe.

You didn't say it was impossible I was a bully.

It is impossible that you were a bully.

MUSIC: Disco 2000 by Pulp

-JOE SINGS:

-# Let's all meet up in the year 2000

# Won't it be strange when we're all fully grown?

# Be there two o'clock

-# By the fountain down the road... #

-Right! Music off and then breakfast.

HE SWITCHES MUSIC OFF

-HE SWITCHES MUSIC ON

-# Your house was very small

# With woodchip on the wall

-# When I came round to call... #

-Can you turn it off for me?

-# ..You didn't notice me at all. #

-I am noticing you right now.

D'you remember the games you played with Maggie? That'd be fun. Yeah?

-Is this day one?

-What are you talking about?

The new regime. The Joe plan.

-I've always done stuff like this with him.

-No, you haven't.

And you're talking in your patient voice,

-which means you're about to blow. Have you got £30?

-What?

Tickets for the play. You didn't put a cheque in the envelope.

Joe, headphones...off.

Ah, no. That's not the deal.

Joe, no, come on now.

And I'm not allowed to do this,

but I'm going to put reserve notices on the front-row seats.

Ah, ah, ah, don't pull it. OK.

-OK?

-Put it on the table.

-Mum?

Put it on the table, Joe.

-Are you listening?

-Put it on the table.

Pulp. Disco 2000.

Single. 1995.

-The money for the tickets?

-Oh, for God's sake!

You can get the cash out my coat pocket. All right?

"The grey rock petrified her by inches, and she died.

"Her story is mine. Today I shall share her rocky bed."

"Today I shall share her rocky bed."

Say that again.

Five minutes, Joe.

# Let's all meet up in the Year 2000. #

You are a genius.

MUSIC: Disco 2000 by Pulp

The schools want someone to go and talk about the measles jab.

-I'd like you to do it.

-Oh. Right. Thank you.

I'm not flattering you. I just don't want to do it myself.

How's your nephew? ADHD, wasn't it?

Autism spectrum.

Right. That must've been another boy. I write a lot of letters.

Mainly for parents trying to get into the better secondary schools.

-This isn't tactical autism. It's real.

-Sure.

Don't forget to hand out the leaflets when you do the jab talk.

-Hello.

-Hi.

Yes, I'll write you out a prescription.

Don't look like you've failed.

Plenty of men your age have erectile dysfunction.

-I haven't got erectile dysfunction. I...

-Hey. I'm not here to judge.

Is that it?

Unless it's me you're planning on sleeping with, then, yes, that's it.

-You don't want to check my health out or anything?

-Maurice.

I see you running up the side of a mountain every morning.

I think your health's probably better than mine.

It's not a mountain. It's a fell. Are there any side effects?

Some people complain of headaches.

But sometimes a headache is a small price to pay...

depending on the woman. Or the man.

-Does your daughter-in-law think she's settling in here?

-What?

-Her job here. Has she said anything?

-Is this the right time or place

to be talking about my daughter-in-law's job?

-I think she's made a good start.

-Good.

-Don't forget to tell her.

-I'm hardly likely to.

Mrs Brownlow?

-Oh, hi, Maurice.

-Hello. Hello, there.

-Nicola.

-Nicola.

Cancel it? What? I thought you said to go ahead.

You said it was a good idea. I've already started working on it!

We can't afford any changes right now.

The rebranding and rebuilding go hand in hand.

I've already started spending money with your blessing.

Just get on with running the business, Edwin.

Don't call me Edwin. D'you want to see the figures?

I can show you the figures.

-Is this about Joe?

-Why would it be about Joe?

If you want to save money cos you need it for Joe

then I'm fine with that.

Well, if you're fine with it why would you say it?

Is it about Joe? You said we could afford it two days ago.

Is there something else I should know about the finances?

Yes. We make beer. We sell beer. People drink beer.

They feel good. They fall over. They want more. We make more.

Now go and Twitter that for size.

THEY SPEAK IN POLISH

MOBILE RINGS

Hello.

'Hi, Eddie. I've had to go to Manchester. Paul's not picking up.'

I've been trying to get hold of Maya for hours.

Is David working there today?

'Has he got a landline number for her? Would you mind asking him?'

What am I? Directory Enquiries? D'you think this is a hobby?

Do the whole family think it's just a hobby I'm doing here?

-HE HANGS UP

-Fuck's sake.

How it works, love, is this -

you go and see your GP. He refers you to us.

We send a letter to your home address

asking you to phone the appointments line.

The appointments line, which is in Newcastle, informs us,

then we write you a letter to give you a time and a date to come here.

-It's quite straightforward.

-I don't need an appointment.

-You do if you want to see Ms White.

-I just need you to tell her

that I'm here and that I need five minutes of her time.

See, the problem is all these people have got appointments.

OK. Could you just give her this note?

Here.

There.

Thank you very much.

CLOCK TICKS

Sarah Jones.

-Hello. Go on through.

-Hello there.

Maggie!

DOOR CLOSES

Bye-bye, everyone.

You hold my hand to cross the road, Joe?

OK. We can just touch hands if you want. OK? Hmm?

I just wanted to see you for ten minutes.

You aren't going to change my mind, Alison.

I'm not here to change your mind, I'm here to apologise.

I'm sorry for trying to bully you into working with Joe.

-And I'm begging you to think again.

-Oh. I see.

I realise there's probably some compromise.

Maybe you could oversee someone and just come once a month.

Or once a fortnight, maybe? I can't do it on my own.

I've tried to do what you do with Joe and it just doesn't work.

Yeah, I thought for a moment you were going to apologise to me

for bullying me at school.

Well, I would, but I, I honestly don't remember.

Of course if I did, then I apologise for that, I mean...

I love that modern way of apologising.

"If I gave offence, I apologise." That isn't an apology.

That's saying, "The problem's yours, not mine."

Well. I mean from where I'm standing, we were teenagers.

We all have our own stuff to deal with.

-I was probably just as insecure as you.

-I am sure that's true.

But you chose to exercise that insecurity by refusing to

sit next to me, by making jokes about me.

I knew I was the weird kid, Alison.

The best I could hope for was to be ignored,

and you didn't even give me that.

I don't know what to say.

Of course I'm sorry.

I don't remember it that way, I really don't.

I mean, it's a long time ago.

And if that was happening to Rebecca I would be...

I don't know what else I can do about that now

except to just keep saying I'm sorry.

You could pay for my years of therapy, I suppose.

Well, if you never discovered therapy,

you might not be doing what you're doing.

That was a joke, by the way.

And, look, I know what you think about humour as a defence mechanism and you're dead right.

I'm just...I'm begging you, Maggie. You opened up something in Joe.

It's a technique, an approach. I'm a trained therapist, not Jesus.

Please. I'll do anything to help my child.

That's what all parents say. And it's true.

But do you see it's about you again, not your child?

"I" will do anything to help "my" child.

Wait, are you...?

Are you refusing to take on Joe to get back at me.

Is that what's going on here?

I would never punish a child by denying my professional help

and advice, no matter how I felt about their parents.

I will send through my report, my recommendations,

and my suggestions for local people in the area,

for Joe,

because I can see how many problems he's facing.

You know what?

I think you're enjoying this.

Alison, my advice to you...

..get some therapy.

Fuck you, Maggie!

Shit.

-Do we need that many downlighters over the bar?

-You need them.

Unless you plan to supply the barman with a head torch.

PHONE VIBRATES

Well, why don't we lose the sidelights, right,

just have candles?

D'you want to get that?

No, no, come on, I want to sort this out.

Stay still, or you'll end up looking like Liz McDonald.

-Argh!

-That Hollywood agent a no-show?

-Very funny.

Look at you. If those eyebrows don't say,

"Young woman who wants to bury her brother within the city walls

"in defiance of her uncle and under threat of death,"

then I don't know what does.

For the first time today I thought, yeah, might be OK here.

-The job, you know, it's helping.

-That's a coincidence.

For the first time today, I thought this is never going to work.

That's unfortunate.

Thank you for your heartfelt sympathy.

We're a hit. We're a hit.

We're a hit.

Rumours of a transfer to Barrow-in-Furness!

-Did you see my mum and dad?

-All I saw was my public, darling.

Here he comes, Un-Father Christmas.

-Hi, Maurice.

-Hello.

Alison? You've got ten minutes. We've saved seats down the front.

Maya's sat with Joe, but I'm not sure it's his thing.

Is it like Pingu at all?

-Good luck.

-And you.

And if anyone mentions an opening-night party, say no.

No? Really?

Mum and Dad are away for the night. We can...

Beginners into position.

Good luck.

MUSIC PLAYS

Ismene, listen, the same blood flows through both our veins, doesn't it?

My sister, the blood of Oedipus.

And suffering, which was his destiny, is our punishment too.

(Sorry.)

The sentence passed on all his children, physical pain...

-(Sorry.)

-..contempt, insult, every kind of dishonour -

we've seen them all, endured them all, the two of us.

No-one has told me anything, Antigone. I have heard nothing...

All these senators of yours, they all agree with me

in their hearts, but there is no gag like terror.

Is there, gentlemen?

And tyrants must have their way, both in word and action.

That's their privilege.

You are quite mistaken.

None of the Thebans anywhere in the city think as you do.

They all do. But they keep their mouths shut when you're here.

-Not at all.

-You see, senators, my time has run out.

There is no more left.

I am the last of the royal blood, a daughter of kings.

And I die his victim unjustly, for upholding justice

and the humanity of humankind.

BOOING

CHEERING

SHE MOUTHS

You are going to come round later, aren't you?

My family want to celebrate my brilliance, so sorry, but, you know.

So make an excuse.

Get a room, ladies. It's what Sophocles would've wanted.

I will be there tomorrow night. Wild horses couldn't keep me away.

-Great.

-Is this about Joe?

Your dad said he was a bit of a nightmare.

No, Mum. It's not about Joe. It's about you!

You could've been there and you weren't and that is so shit.

Love, listen, I went to speak to Maggie about Joe.

It couldn't wait.

I thought you'd be grown up enough to understand that.

You went to see Maggie? When did we decide this?

Well, it's not every day you discover your granddaughter's

even more talented than you thought she was.

You were brilliant. Pained. Angry.

And not stupid-angry like you can be in real life.

A tip, Rebecca. Never ask Nicola

unless you want the unvarnished truth.

How's the job going?

Oh...yeah, you know, the joys of being a practice nurse.

Do you get access to everybody's medical records?

Suppose so. As long as I'm still working there.

Why? What do you want to know?

I'm joking, Maurice.

What did you say to Maggie? Am I allowed to know?

Doesn't matter, she's not coming back.

And you made sure of that, I'm sure.

No! I swallowed my pride to talk to her.

But she's got this bloody bullying thing going

-and I couldn't change her mind.

-I can't believe you went to see her

-without telling me.

-What would've been the point in telling you?

There doesn't have to be a point. I'm his dad.

I'm not having you running this thing

-as though he's all yours to change.

-MUSIC PLAYS

Anyone would think YOU think I'm a bully.

No. Not exactly. Joe, turn that down!

Not exactly?!

Well, maybe our boy needs a bully out there fighting his corner.

-I will not be the one outside up a ladder.

-Hey?

He keeps saying that.

Joe needs a champion. That's not the same as a bully.

-Oh, so I am a bully!

-Yeah, you are. Yeah.

-JOE SINGS:

-# I said rip it up and start again... #

Can we all just pipe down and raise a glass to Rebecca?

# I said rip it up and rip it up Rip it up and rip it up

-# Rip it up and start again. #

-Sure.

If you can tell me where she is.

Don't spend all your time being a bitch

and then playing the understanding mum when it suits you.

My father is having a sexual relationship.

That's just another thing not to think about.

I don't care if it's good news or bad news, but you talk to her,

you don't just ignore her like a prick.

Haven't talked shite like this for a long time.

-Happy to oblige.

-Me and Sally?

-You two have got history.

-You know what it's like! You can be yourself.

Must be killing you wondering what's going on.

-I know when to be discreet.

-Certainly do!

-It's Grandma.

-Do you remember that?

This is empathy. It's like he's turned a corner.

# Rip it up and start again

# Rip it up

# Rip it up

# Rip it up

# Rip it up... #