Episode 2 The Fades

OK. So, this is what you missed.

The dead are walking the Earth and they're trapped here.

And some of them are pissed and trying to fight back.

Yeah, I know, and then there's this tribe, gang, posse of people called the Angelics,

who have special powers, yeah,

and they're thinking they need to stop these dead people,

and they're being killed off by the dead guy,

first this Sarah woman and then this Helen woman, and that's scary.

Oh, and there's Paul, who's my best friend,

and who can see dead people.

We used to think he was mad, but now we think he's...you know,

special. And then there's some stuff about Mark,

my history teacher, whose wife is one of the murdered ones.

Yeah, there's even more.

Yeah.

GROANING

Now, where's my Star Wars box set?

Na-Nu Na-Nu!

Oh, shit.

So, that's it, then? He killed me and now Helen?

Yeah.

That's us gone, then?

Yeah.

HE GRUNTS

Mum? Mum!

I'm done in here!

J-Jay?

I need you to talk to Mark.

And I need you to help me make sense of what's going on.

It's inevitable. You know that, Neil. The world's coming to an end.

There's nothing you can do.

There's always something we can do.

I always loved this place.

Anna?

THROATY GURGLING

THROATY GURGLING

Mum.

MUM!

CLOCK TICKS

CHATTER

Your sister was naked?

Yeah, well, the important thing was that she was dead.

Dead, naked and in your bed.

She was... It was only partial nudity.

Maybe you're not special. Maybe you're just sick.

Hear me out.

Dreams represent subconscious urges,

which means part of you wants to see your sister dead,

naked and in your bed.

BIKE BELL RINGS

Hi, yes. We need volunteers to sign up

for the school ball committee cos we don't have enough people.

-It wasn't a dream, it was a vision.

-"It wasn't a dream, it was a vision."

Sick. You're sick.

So, who wants a sign-up sheet?

Thank you.

-No.

-The average man spends two weeks of his life kissing.

-No.

-There are between six and nine billion condoms produced a year.

It's my sister's ball committee. No way.

Men with more active sex lives are more likely to live past 80 years.

We wouldn't live past 18. She would kill us.

And knowing she was naked in your dream wouldn't push her to homicide?

Ha(!)

Two weeks? I haven't even got past five seconds.

Nine billion. Well, if you discount the one I wore on my head for that bet...

And 80 years.

This ball committee is the golden ticket to sex.

And as Willy Wonka told us all, sex is life.

Mate, please. For our health, if nothing else, we need to get it on with someone.

Sometime. Somewhere.

-This is important to me.

-Everything's important to you.

-It should be important to you too.

-Why?

Cos ever since you started seeing things, you...

-Seeing things?!

-Thanks, Mac(!)

-Sure.

-Am I a rabbit? Am I rabbit?

Am I, though? Am I, though?

Don't worry about them. They're 12.

Yeah, and we'll get older, but you'll still be freaks.

Sam Griegson and Greg Taylor, come back here!

I know you did that to Mr Newman's car.

Just a scratch!

It was a very offensive sentence! Wait!

Oi! Wait. You two!

It's a new low.

Being bullied by prepubescents. A new low.

Or high, depending on how you look at the world.

We're the lowest of the low. No-one is as despised as us.

That's quite an achievement.

And you really think joining Anna's committee's going to make any of that better?

You saw your sister dead, naked and in your bed.

A little normality, a little normality,

and maybe a bit of golden-ticket sex with someone other than your sister

would be good for...

-Hi.

-Hi.

I was...wondering when I'd see you again.

We need a minute.

-Do you now?

-Mac.

-Did you listen to anything I said?

-I do. I... I need to talk to him.

Your friend is quite the mercenary.

I wonder if he really cares about anything...or anybody.

What?

He's quoting Star Wars. Ignore him.

I'm not quoting Star Wars! I'm quoting Leia!

-Come on. Let's get out of here.

-You can't quote a film!

You can only quote a character in a film!

KNOCK AT DOOR

Mark. Great. Come in.

So, how's it, er...

going?

I'm fine.

Sit down for a minute, would you?

When Kathy left me...

Sarah and I separated months ago.

Now she's missing. It's a different thing, Dave.

And time off wouldn't allow you to be more help to the police?

Help with what? They're barely talking to me. I mean,

what do you want me to do? Walk down the road shouting her name?

Dave, I need to keep busy.

Mark, I've just had Sam Griegson's mum on the phone

making some pretty serious threats.

The kid is a little shit. He scratched "Newman's a cocksucker" on Vince's car.

But that's no excuse to drag him halfway round the school.

The boy's got bruises on his arm!

Now, I have responsibilities to the school governors, legal...

It won't happen again, OK? You have my word.

Hmm.

Consider this an official warning.

And then... And then Jay is lying dead on the staircase.

And then Anna's lying dead on my bed,

which Mac thinks is...weird cos she's semi-naked.

Whoa, whoa. Who's Mac?

Well, the guy you just met.

What, the mouthy one?

So, what, you're telling your visions to him?

I wouldn't call him mouthy.

Anyway, no, and then... then my mum...my mum is...

My point is, what does it mean?

What does it all mean? What am I?

Well, I'm not the person to ask.

Well, then, who is? And...where are we?

The Monica Bryant County Care Home,

or what used to be the Monica Bryant County Care Home.

Come on.

DRIPPING WATER

You go left, I'll go right.

-You want us to split up?

-It's the quickest way to find him.

-Find who?

-You'll see.

I'll see...what?

Er...yeah. Has anyone ever told you you talk like Gollum sometimes?

DOOR CREAKS

DOOR SLAMS SHUT

Hello?

Hello?

I know you.

I'm looking for...

for someone.

Are you the person I'm looking for?

Wait.

HE SNEEZES SHE MAKES NO SOUND

I think I need to speak to you.

Neil.

Then... No, don't. Why do you keep running?

Who are you?

What? What?

Oh!

Natalie? Natalie!

-You know her?

-What are you doing?

-Are you trying to get yourself killed?

-She turned on that fuse.

No, she didn't.

Was she the person you were looking for?

Natalie? No. I want you to meet Eric. I found him.

This was your school?

There's no precise date on when it started.

Some of the dead just stopped ascending. They became trapped here.

Eric's one of the earliest I've ever met.

May even have been one of the first. Died in 1946.

-This was your school?

-1946.

He was 70 when he died.

The body's kept aging ever since, so he's pretty old.

He also used to be one of us.

Eric was an Angelic?

-Did she really turn that fuse on?

-Yeah.

So she can touch, yeah?

That's not good.

This wasn't my school. It was my home.

DOOR CREAKS

No sudden movements.

Don't scare him.

Partially blind, mostly deaf.

And he jumps easily.

CREAKING

He wants to meet you.

Come and sit where I am.

-How... How do I...?

-Ssh!

PAUL GASPS

HE PANTS

What?

-Really - what?

-He thinks you're important.

-I-Important?

-Helen was right.

It's all linked. You,

the Fades, the murders, them touching.

The shit has hit the fan

and you're standing right in front of it.

I don't... I don't understand.

I didn't...

..ask f-for any of...this.

I... I don't... I can't... Paul.

Paul! Wait!

LOW CHATTER

HE PANTS

CHATTER CONTINUES

BIRD TWEETS

BIRDSONG

-Paul. You been ditching?

-No.

-Yeah, probably.

-Me too.

Good. Snap. Jinx.

-Are you going to the ball?

-Probably. Definitely.

Probably definitely?

Technically, that is the way I feel about it, yeah.

Everyone else is going.

Yeah.

That's sort of the problem.

-I'm going.

-Yeah.

Yeah. No, that does make it...better.

I should be getting to class.

Are you OK, Paul?

Yeah. I'm OK.

OK. And if you were a pacifist, what would you argue?

I'm not a pacifist.

Yeah, but if you were a pacifist...

what would you argue?

I'm not a pacifist. I'd kill them all.

MARK SIGHS

If you were a pacifist, you'd argue that the Nazi Party was born out of violence.

Now, get rid of that initial violence - World War One -

-there'd be no need for the Nazis.

-But I'm not a pacifist.

I'd kill them all. I'd kill the Nazis.

-Fuck them up!

-Thank you, Steve. Good. Great.

Thank you. Really good contribution.

I'm going to sign up for the committee.

-Really?

-Yeah.

The Nazi Party was born out of violence,

so in a situation of true pacifism, they never would have existed.

That's the sort of reasoning that goes down well with the examiners.

(WHISPERS) What changed your mind?

Oh, you know, stuff.

-What does that mean?

-It means I've got my reasons.

-BANG

-Fuck's sake!

-Paul!

You come in late, then you chat. Is that appropriate?

Go on, sir, hit him.

LAUGHTER

So, theme. I was thinking Prohibition America.

Seconded.

Yeah, there's arse-licking and then there's arse-licking, Trace.

Hi. Can we just sit anywhere? We'll just sit anywhere.

Not on any of you, clearly. On a...free seat.

Though if any of you were offering, it has been claimed my bum is nimble.

-What are you doing here?

-You needed volunteers.

-I didn't mean you.

-Good to know.

Anna? Maybe...

they can do the...shit jobs.

What?

Happily! We're a dab hand with shit.

In fact, ironically, I was born in a toilet,

so there was a period of time when my middle name was going to be...Shit.

-Paul, please fuck off.

-This is important.

Really?

Yeah.

Fine. Sit down.

OK, so, theme. Where were we?

-Oh, fuck it. Costumes are faggy.

-Costumes are not faggy!

If we're brainstorming, have you considered a Star Wars theme?

Good point. Well made. I know my place.

I am the shit.

You look like a wet flannel.

Good, that's the look I was going for.

Come on, hombre, spill all.

-There's this girl.

-Fit?

-Dead.

-Dead fit?

-You getting into necrophilia now?

-I've been considering it for a while.

I've always thought I appealed to the dead.

Good teeth, you see?

-Dead people like teeth?

-Dead people love good teeth.

-That's why I floss daily.

-You're a bad person.

No, you're badder. So, this dead girl, what was she wearing?

-I think she tried to kill me.

-Details.

-By the way, just so you know...

-What was she wearing?

-..Natalie...

-Natalie.

-..wears...

-Natalie. Well, hello, Natalie.

"Oh, hello, Matthew. You look so strong."

Oh, it's going to be amazing.

And if she died in the 80s, she'll get all my movie references.

-Thing is, though, Mac...

-Yeah?

(...she's here,)

(she's sitting right behind you.)

(No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't look!)

Oh, she can't take her eyes off you. I... Bye, Mac.

Natalie.

Paul. Are... Are you joking?

You're joking, aren't you?

Are you joking?

Yeah.

Pure ivory, baby.

Hi.

-I read about your wife.

-Yeah.

-I felt sorry for you.

-Yeah?

So...

-Can I come in?

-Yeah.

SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

Why are we in her room again?

I don't know. I just... I feel safe in here now.

GASPING AND MOANING

# Run, rabbit, run, rabbit Run, run, run! #

-Am I running?

-Am I a rabbit?

ANIMAL HOWLS IN DISTANCE

SNARLING

HE GASPS AND SHIVERS

CRUNCH

ELECTRICAL CRACKLING

HE HOWLS

TYRES SCREECH

GUNSHOTS

On! Now!

HE RETCHES

HE GASPS

Are you OK?

All right, kid, deep breaths.

-I can't do this.

-Hey, bollocks. Come here.

Hey, of course you can. Hey.

Now, you ask yourself this, all right? Do you remember the first time you saw me?

Eh? Do you remember the first time I told you to run?

Mm? Well, you could have run two ways, kid - away from me or towards me.

All right? I had a dying girl in my arms and I had a gun on me. But you...

You, you followed me. Why?

Eh, Paul? Do you remember the first time we met?

Yeah, you shot at me.

OK, so...so maybe you remember it slightly less fondly than I do, eh?

-Have I got vomit around my mouth?

-Look, don't worry.

When you first saw Sarah at the ascension point, you followed her.

Then, when you saw Natalie at the orphanage, what did you do?

Followed her.

-Why?

-I don't know!

Because you wanted to know. Because you wanted to see.

You wanted to know what I was,

what Sarah is, what Natalie is, because you feel it.

There's a connection between all of us because you know who you are.

Eric, he thinks you're more special than any of us, that you've got a destiny.

I'm sorry, kid, but that matters.

Look, if it makes it any easier,

I don't know why destiny's chosen a 15-year-old boy either.

-17. I'm 17.

-OK, you're still young...

for what's coming.

It's still far, far too young.

What's coming?

Man.

Ha-ha-ha! Sucker!

HE SNIFFS

ELECTRICAL BUZZING

HE EXHALES

ELECTRICAL CRACKLING

Fred?

Fred?

What?

BIRDSONG

CRACK

-CROWS CAWING

-Mum, I'm fine. I stayed at Mac's.

-Yeah.

-INDISTINCT SPEECH ON PHONE

OK.

Yeah, look, I'd better go cos Mac's dad's making us breakfast.

All right.

'Well, I...I love you.'

-I love you too, Mum. Bye.

-'Bye.'

CROWS CAWING

You know, you reach an age when sleeping in a car is not an easy thing.

Yeah, I can imagine.

Do you know any yoga, kid?

Huh. No.

Learn yoga.

So...

-Yeah?

-..What's the plans for the day?

We get active. Come on.

HE SHIVERS

Do we...know what we're looking for?

We're heading for the ascension point.

I always look for them up there.

-Don't they leave tracks or...?

-No.

Look, they're weightless. Ascension, that's the place to go to.

I don't really know what it means, being one of you.

Well, it depends on the person.

Well, you. What did it mean to you?

It was hard at first... but I got used to it pretty quickly.

But, of course, I had no-one to say goodbye to.

What? Hang on.

Well, who do I have to say goodbye to?

WOMAN: You don't understand. My son is missing.

-OK, come and sit down with me.

-My son is missing!

I need to speak with Detective Chief Inspector Armstrong.

Two missing boys. Two.

We're going to organise teams. It suggests...

Well, keep me in the loop.

Sir, just with the gun and the blood and the bodies mounting up,

I think I'm going to need more resources.

You mean, you're fucking it up and you need a larger team to blame!

No. That isn't what I mean at all.

Plenty have tried to keep on with their lives - Sarah for one.

It doesn't work, never.

It doesn't work?

You can't be one thing and another. You can't be pulled two ways.

Just trust me on that.

So, I say goodbye to...?

Everyone.

Write 'em a note, make a phone call,

tell 'em face to face, but say goodbye.

And then you come underground with me.

-Even my mum?

-I'm not saying it will be easy.

We're getting closer.

OK, Mrs Griegson, we just need to take some details.

-Detective Chief Inspector...

-Mark? The DCI's busy. Can I help?

That was just him... with Maggie Griegson.

-You know her?

-Yeah, I teach her son.

Or try to. What's going on?

How can I help?

-Great. What's this?

-Look!

Come and sit down.

These... These photographs,

they show my wife...my wife in some kind of mental institute.

-This is something...

-So, you teach Sam Griegson?

-What about Fred Taylor?

-I teach both of them.

Look... Look at the bandages on her wrist.

She clearly attempted suicide.

I should have known about that.

She's got a past that I didn't know about.

Look, no offence,

but I need to speak to the officer in charge of the case.

I'll... I'll pass it up.

Mark, these aren't evidence.

They're interesting, but they're not evidence.

The chances are these aren't even connected

with what happened to Sarah.

-This is important!

-No-one's doubting your importance, Mark.

That is exactly what you're doing.

Now, he's got my number.

Now it's dark, things might get easier.

Brilliant, yeah, cos we can see in the dark(!)

CHEWING

-QUIETLY:

-Get down. Get down!

-NEIL:

-That's what they're doing.

-PAUL:

-They're killing.

That's what's allowing them to touch.

They're eating flesh.

HE SNARLS

-HE BREATHES DEEPLY

-What?

And Natalie's one of them.

-I don't... I don't understand.

-Look! You see?

All you need to know is there is a war coming here.

And it's coming fast. That's why you need to be ready.

Look.

And that...

..that means saying goodbye to my old life.

Yeah. Yes, it does.

DISTANT BARKING

LOW CHATTER AND LAUGHTER

LOW CHATTER

LAUGHTER AND CHATTER

RINGING

-MAC: 'Boomtown!'

-It's me.

-'Hello...dick.'

-Er...

I can't go home tonight.

'Check my diary...' HE SNORTS

-'I think there's a window for you.'

-I was hoping you'd say that.

# It's going to get, it's going to get, it's going to get louder

# We're going to get, we're going to get... #

SHOUTS OVER MUSIC: It's all in the hips.

No, it's not all in the hips.

One. Two. One, two, three.

# ...We got to reach, we got to reach We got to reach higher

# I want to burn, I want to burn I want to get higher

# We've got to move, we've got to move... #

I'm trying to train you here. It's a big night tomorrow night.

Well, I need your help like a leper needs anti-aging cream!

May I remind you, best Michael Jackson impersonation,

Heatherwoods Primary, 2002?

May I remind you, you were nine?

Yeah, and people still found you funny then.

OK. After me. One, two! One, two, three.

BANG, MUSIC STOPS

It's 2am! You know that, Michael? It's 2am!

Sorry, we were...

-We were trying to be quiet.

-Look, some of us have work,

important work, in the morning! We don't need kids keeping us awake!

Dad. Don't get... You've been drinking.

Don't you accuse me of...

Look, grow up, the pair of you! You're too old for sleepovers.

-DOOR SLAMS PAUL:

-He's under a lot of stress.

I mean, it...it must be hard for...

I think Mum's left him.

Us.

Him.

-Yeah?

-Yeah, they're probably

fighting right now over who doesn't get custody.

No, they're not.

Did you know, in Inuit culture, if you don't like your parent,

you just crawl into another igloo and find a new family?

You're cut.

Oh, fuck.

Fuck.

-It's OK, Mac. Come on.

-No, no, no. Don't... Don't look at me.

You see?

WHOOSHING

-PAUL:

-It's all...

It's all gone.

Paul. Look at your hand.

HE RETCHES

HE RETCHES

What are you?

Your best friend.

I mean, you... you thought it was good, I was...

..special.

Yeah. It's great.

Just don't leave me behind, OK?

Your car. We need your car. We've found the kids.

Thank you.

OK, we'll need to arrange a press conference.

Yeah.

I'll need to cordon off the surrounding areas,

and a budget done of how much to clear.

INSECTS BUZZING

He's 12 years old.

PHONE KEYPAD BEEPS

RINGING

I can't mess this up.

-This is totally unfair!

-Anna...

But this is exactly the time when we should be having a party,

to make us feel all better.

-Anna...

-OK, look, compromise.

We'll do a minute's silence remembrance. It'll be moving.

Anna, two boys have died!

The dance is cancelled.

-What a total wanker!

-He's cancelled it, then?

-Totally. A total wanker!

-Yeah.

He's probably in there now, door locked, thrumming away,

thinking about the two of you in just your knickers.

-Why are you here?

-Moral support.

Moral support listens at the door, does it? Stalker.

Stalker? I'm vice president of Ball Club.

Ball Club? Jesus!

So that's it? You're just going to give up?

No, I'm going to find a room, lock it,

and thrum myself off thinking about just you and my brother

in your Y-fronts.

At the end of A New Hope, they attack the Death Star. The Death Star.

I mean they were in flimsy crafts, X-wings.

X-wings fighting the Death Star.

I mean, the name itself implies that you shouldn't attack.

It's called the Death Star.

Really, please, stop talking.

You're actually making me want to kill myself.

They were losing the battle badly

and then Luke Skywalker found the exhaust port,

an exhaust port which shouldn't have existed

because the Empire shouldn't have made such a mistake, but it did.

-It did exist. Think about it.

-Think about it?

All I'm thinking is, "Paracetamol, slit my wrists or hanging?"

No, the moral is... the moral of my anecdote is,

you should always keep fighting in case you find an exhaust port.

-An exhaust port?

-And there always is.

There's always an exhaust port.

Well, generally.

Probably. Sometimes. I just... Yeah.

We're not cancelling.

No?

Your dad's converting that old church, right?

-Er...I'm not sure that...

-You can sort it, right?

-Well, not at this...

-Great. Exhaust port sorted.

Anna. Anna!

Exhaust port sorted.

He shoots. He scores. And the crowd roar.

HE ROARS QUIETLY

CLOCK TICKS

TICKING

If you had to walk away from everything...

That's a good question.

-What would you take with you?

-No.

If you couldn't take anything...

What, nothing at all?

Er...a time of war, is it?

Yeah. Yeah, time of war. I mean, could you walk away?

-Hypothetically?

-Hypothetically, time of war.

Could you walk away from everything?

Er...I think I would do my duty

and I would leave behind that which I had to and then I would try...

No, you're not listening to my question!

Am I not?

Maybe, Paul, I think that's because

I'm supposed to be asking you the questions.

No.

No, I need...

I need you to answer this.

OK. OK.

Well, try framing it, your... your question, in a different way.

Well...

the war, it would last for ever.

The people that you leave behind...

..you wouldn't be able to get back to them.

I guess...

I suppose the question I'm asking is...

..how do you say goodbye?

Neil.

Ow.

Aah.

-WHISPERS:

-Come on.

Oh, work! Come on.

KNOCK AT DOOR

SHE GASPS

-This...is so not what it looks like.

-OK.

This was an experiment.

Well, into what?

-Self-harm?

-Into...something I can't explain.

-Paul, if you're...

-Mum, it's nothing, I promise. I'm fine.

Promise?

Promise.

Mum?

If I had to go away for a bit...

-Where?

-I don't know. Somewhere.

You'd be OK, wouldn't you?

Well, you're not going anywhere until you've finished your A levels,

and then we've got to work out which university is best for you,

and then you can do what you like.

Yeah, putting all that aside...

..you'd be OK, right?

You do know...

..if anything happened to you, it would destroy me.

Mum.

It wouldn't be OK.

Not by any degree.

You're my son.

BOTTLES CLINK

This is such a bad idea.

I'm dressed all wrong. My hair looks like my mum cut it.

And I definitely smell of something and it isn't Lynx.

I smell of candle wax. How can I smell of candle wax?

What kind of freak smells of candle wax?

I've never smelt like candle wax before.

It'll be fine, Mac, honestly.

You're totally going to rock this.

I'm going to be your wingman tonight.

-You're going tobe my wingman?

-Mm-hm.

The best wingman ever.

You don't even know what that word means.

Is there any point trying to stop you?

I'm busy.

So you're going to a party in the middle of nowhere?

-How do you...?

-It's hardly safety-conscious.

Don't worry. I've got a first-aid kit.

Paul.

I know what you want.

I just...

I need time to do it.

OK.

This night is going to be the best night.

I want us to treat it like it's our last.

Then we definitely need to have sex.

With girls.

THEY SLURP

MUSIC PLAYING

LOUD CHATTER

Hello, Jay.

Bye, Jay.

Hello, Mac.

Goodbye, Mac.

Hello, retard.

Goodbye, retard.

There's vomit that needs clearing up.

Did you know that bats have sex whilst flying?

What?

Or that pigs have corkscrew-shaped penises?

Did you know someone spat on your back?

I did not.

MUSIC PLAYING

CHATTER

GIRL WHOOPS

-Hi.

-Hi.

Isn't your dad going to be mad about all this?

Oh, I'll tell him it was for a school project.

Oh, yeah. Me and Mac discussed who our ideal girl was the other day.

We decided Queen Amidala,

crossed with Marion Ravenwood, Princess Arwen,

Ororo Munroe - or Storm as she's commonly known - and George Lucas.

George Lucas?

Yeah, well, the sex wouldn't be up to much,

but the pillow talk would be amazing.

-SHE LAUGHS

-We also had

Alan Moore on the list but we decided his beard was too big.

Anyway, my point is...was...is...

when we were discussing our female mash-up...

..there was only one girl on...

on my mind.

You.

I'm quite drunk.

And I...I say this because... should I ever disappear...

..I'd want you to know.

I'd want you to know, and now you do.

Come on. Let's go find somewhere private.

Private... Why?

"Private" is a euphemism. I'm making a euphemism.

I don't know who Alan Moore is.

You don't know what going somewhere private means.

I guess that makes us evens.

You don't know who Alan Moore is?

MUSIC PLAYING

Are you the designated adult?

No.

-You work for Jay's dad?

-No.

-Someone's vomited.

-I don't care.

Why are you here?

I'm trying to keep a boy I care about safe

from the forces of darkness.

Is that what they call Anna now?

Couldn't crash us a fag, could you?

I've got to go.

You'd better not be a paedophile!

MUSIC PLAYING INSIDE

Natalie.

DISTANT PARTY MUSIC

Natalie! Stop!

What are you doing here?

I saw you eating, Natalie.

I need to know what you're up to.

Natalie.

HE PANTS

SNARLING

GUNSHOT FIRES

Aah! Aah!

NEIL SCREAMS

MUSIC PLAYS

Have you seen my brother?

Average height, funny face, strange eyebrows. No, haven't seen the guy.

Well, he's meant to be cleaning and he's gone AWOL.

Well, he's not on a beeper and he doesn't run when I whistle,

so sometimes I don't know where he is for a full 30 minutes.

Almost like he's getting a life, isn't it?

Yeah.

You don't just like Paul, love Paul, depend on Paul.

You need him, don't you?

There is nothing more pathetic than needing someone.

You really are a pathetic freak,

you know that?

Yeah, I know that.

Aah! Yaah!

Aah!

-Aah!

-SNARLING

Aah! Oh! Aah!

Aah! Aah!

SNARLING

HE SCREAMS

MUSIC PLAYS

Wigwam, wingman.

Knew you'd be shit.

Um...

Um?

That's what you're going with for your post-kiss conversation opener.

Um?

Well, yeah, only cos I'm guessing "thank you" is inappropriate.

I can't say goodbye to this, can I?

Say goodbye to what?

I... I came here tonight to...

I... I think... What... What are you doing?!

Hey. You OK?

Yeah, great. Steve asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome.

But, otherwise, quids in.

He doesn't even know what to do with one vagina.

Two, and he'd be totally lost.

What are you doing here anyway?

Er...just needed a bit of space. Feeling a bit rank.

Bad pill? Lightweight.

Hey, Anna! Anna!

Alicia's locked herself in the toilets again

and she's crying like a bitch.

-JAY:

-Sorry.

Don't worry. I get it.

You're afraid of my sister. A lot of people are.

Apparently, my first response when I came out of the womb was to cower.

It's just...

..there are two versions of me, you know?

One that hangs out with Anna and enjoys being popular

and one that...

..I don't know, likes you.

You're brilliant.

What?

Of course - Clark Kent, Peter Parker.

That... That was...

That was just what I needed to hear.

Two versions of you. You're brilliant.

And you're fucking weird.

DOG BARKS

'Neil's phone. Leave me a message. I'll call you back.'

Neil, it's Paul.

I just wanted to say...

..that I think it's possible.

It has to be possible for me to have two lives

by being two different people,

because...

I can't say goodbye to what I have.

And because if I do, then I don't really know what we're fighting for.

Yeah, from now on...

..there are two of me.

DOG BARKS

HEAVY BREATHING

HE GASPS

-You took your time.

-Yeah.

How fucked up am I?

Quite.

Now tell me all you can about this boy.

OK, then.

MUSIC: "I Know What I Am" by Band Of Skulls

# Hi ho, triple salchow

# I've got a feeling like I'm tired of the flow

# But I know what I am They know what they are, so let me be

# Gasoline, saccharine

# I've got no reason for the state I'm in

# But I know what I am They know what they are, so let me be

# Hotel, Taco Bell... #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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