Episode 3 The Fear


Episode 3

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Transcript


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This programme contains some strong language some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting

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From the chill down your neck, to the stain in your pants,

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fear can do many things.

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It can chill...

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SHE SQUEALS ..thrill...

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-and entertain.

-Oh, my God!

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Which is precisely why we're here.

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We've asked amateur filmmakers to send us their creepiest,

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goriest and freakiest short horror films

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for your viewing pleasure.

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Movies such as Saw and Evil Dead

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both started out as shorts before

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becoming multimillion dollar franchises

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So we're hoping to find next horror master,

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worthy of a bloodcurdling blockbuster.

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This is The Fear,

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where who scares, wins.

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Oh, my God!

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Welcome to the screaming room.

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As a kid, plenty of things terrified me - Aunty Moira's mystery meat pie,

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acne and sexual inadequacy.

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As an adult, it's losing my no-claims bonus,

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stool consistency and still sexual inadequacy.

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But what scares an audience of Horror fans?

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Here they'll be watching a host of terrifying short films,

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they'll vote for their scariest in this special cinema rigged with

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cameras to catch their every jump, scream and cry.

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So let's welcome back some of those tasked with rating our films.

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Included in our audience tonight are...

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Antoine, Nick and Daniel,

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who are still getting to the bottom of who is the toughest.

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-To be fair, yous two ain't built for horrors, you know.

-Hey...

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You chose to come on Halloween. You ain't got the guts for this, bro.

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Sister act scaredy-cats Amelia and Grace...

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SHE SCREAMS

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Oh, my goodness! Really?!

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Also included in our audience are nurses, best friends,

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and singing sensations Aaron and Michelle.

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-# Oh na-na

-What's my name?

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-# Oh na-na

-What's my name? #

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Hardcore horror fans Brad and Ash, who are just so proud to be here!

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I probably won't tell my mum to watch it cos she'll be like,

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"Look what I raised - a fucking moron!"

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Me mum won't watch it because she doesn't support anything I do.

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And ridiculously good-looking and sophisticated...

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Ladies first.

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..Poppy and Joe.

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-SHE BURPS

-Oh my God, I'm so sorry.

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-Oh, my...

-I'm really sorry.

-Oh, my God! Such a strong smell.

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Remember, this rag tag collection of fear junkies will be judging

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the movies they see on one criteria alone -

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scare factor.

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The more a movie terrifies these twerps,

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the better the chance it has of making it to the final.

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All movies will be under four minutes and made by non-professionals.

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And first off the Spool of Spooks tonight we have an offering from

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16-year-old directors Harry Courtney and Matthew Traszko.

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Personally, I think it's nice to see teenage boys finally discovering

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a new way of entertaining themselves.

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I know what I was like at that age!

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This is Paranoia.

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Oh! It's time!

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# Da da da-da. #

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-It's started, Joe.

-Really, is it(?)

-Yeah.

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Mm-hm, yeah.

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No, no, Mum. I'll be fine.

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It's not like I haven't done it before.

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Please, stop worrying. OK.

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Yes, it's all done. Yes, OK.

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I'm going now, bye. Love you. Bye.

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Love you. Bye, bye, bye!

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CLATTERING

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DOOR CREAKS

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DISCORDANT MUSIC ESCALATES

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MUSIC STOPS

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-Arghhhhhh!

-Oh, my God!

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HE LAUGHS

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-Should've seen your face.

-Hell, man. That's not cool.

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HE LAUGHS

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-Didn't tell me you had a basement.

-I know it's spooooky, right?!

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Whatever.

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Was that it?

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Oh, no, all right.

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DOOR BELL RINGS

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-Was that the door bell?

-I think so.

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BELL RINGS AGAIN

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-Are you expecting someone?

-No.

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-You?

-I don't think so.

-TV PLAYS IN BACKGROUND

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-New neighbours?

-Maybe.

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EERIE MUSIC PLAYS

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Matt, you left the door open! Anyone could've got in!

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What do you mean? You were the last one in.

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Whatever.

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-I didn't leave the door open.

-Yeah, whatever, mate. I'm going to bed.

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-Your turn to turn the lights off!

-Mate, you can't...

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Seriously! I turned them off last night.

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EERIE MUSIC PLAYS

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What the hell...?

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PHONE RINGS

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DOOR CLICKS OPEN

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Very funny, Harry.

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I can hear your phone, you idiot.

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Who are you talking to?

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-Huh?

-Who are you talking to?

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SHE SCREAMS

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Fucking 'ell!

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-There was two scares in that one for you.

-Yeah.

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-That's a good little tally.

-Yeah.

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So, two scares for the price of one.

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Will that be enough to propel it into the final?

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Our entire audience marks each film out of ten.

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The more they were scared, the higher the score.

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At the end of the competition,

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Blair Witch Project co-director Eduardo Sanchez will view

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the three scariest films and pick the ultimate winner.

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He'll take that lucky director a step closer to Hollywood

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with £20,000 worth of support for their next fright fest.

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With that in mind, let's see what they thought of Paranoia.

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A film that managed to get London's toughest jumping out of their seats.

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I thought Paranoia was a good film.

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Actually that's the best I've seen. It gave me a fright.

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Yaaaaargh!

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Oh, my God!

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The audience around us for the first jump lost their minds.

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SCREAMING

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That first jump was really tense. Ohhhh!

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Then you see the guy in the background and I was like,

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"Ohhhh!" So, super tense.

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It got me once.

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Aw, fuck!

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Oh, shit, it got me.

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It got you lot twice. So it's still 2-2-1.

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So great tension and great scares.

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For some in the audience though the minor details were a little more important.

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He's got really white teeth, doesn't he?

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So, when I watched the film,

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I want to see what it's trying to show, what style it's in.

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Amelia is looking at teeth.

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-I want to know what toothpaste he uses.

-It was very distracting.

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She ruined the tension

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by asking what kind of stuff he uses on his teeth?

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Like, I don't care, Amelia.

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Whilst for Poppy the nightmare was in the nightwear...

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Who sleeps in jeans? So he was lying in bed in his skinny jeans.

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That's a health hazard because skinny jeans are really tight

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and restricts blood flow.

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They're not even joggers, they're jeans.

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-That's really not good for you.

-Thank you.

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I'd say he probably has other things to worry about.

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Like the massive red-faced demon in his cellar!

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There's no way in hell I'd be going down to any basement. I don't care.

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Whatever's in the basement can stay there!

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In that situation, I'd have run out the door.

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Aaaaargh! Fucking 'ell.

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-What would you have done?

-Probably just wee'd myself.

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-Yaaaargh!

-So, it seems flat share

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horror stories aren't just about who left that mess in the bathroom.

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Find out how Paranoia faired on our leader board at the end of the show.

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The next film for you to get your teeth into is a cheery little

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number made by PR copy-writer Robert Howells.

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Aside from making short horror films, Robert rollerblades, types a lot,

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and looks like this from this angle, and like this from this angle.

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Handsome.

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Prepare yourself for Bernard.

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SHE GASPS

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Jesus!

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PIANO MUSIC PLAYS

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TV CHATTER

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We have to talk about it, Barb.

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We can't just let him carry on stealing...

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You were the same at 16, Reg.

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He's only trying to help.

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Times are tough.

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I know. We're all struggling...

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But we can't let it affect his school.

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He won't change, Reg.

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We are what we are.

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Oh, fetch the sweet after, will you, love?

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R&B MUSIC PLAYS

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SHE SOBS

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SHE SCREAMS

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THEY GASP

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SHE SCREAMS

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SCREAMING CONTINUES

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-BOTH:

-What?

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I don't know what to say.

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I liked that.

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Ah, there's nothing like a sweet family drama...

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and that was nothing like a sweet family drama.

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SHE SCREAMS

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This was weird.

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It was a pretty dark one.

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A blow torch was really unnecessary.

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I mean, that is just evil at its finest.

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SHE SCREAMS

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What? What is that?

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Oh, my fuck.

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Oh!

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While some hid their faces,

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horror buff Brad proved his credentials and spotted the twist

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coming a mile away.

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We are what we are.

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Cannibals.

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Incredible. Brad got that just 54 seconds into the film.

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Maybe they are cannibals.

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Antwuan, on the other hand...

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JEOPARDY THEME TUNE PLAYS

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-What? Was he eating her?

-THEY LAUGH

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Good God, man. He had a plateful of fingers. Keep up.

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That boy's Jamie Oliver.

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THEY LAUGH

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With more brains than a value sausage,

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Bernard's clever twist certainly whetted our audience's appetite,

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but did the terror consume them like Bernard consumed all those people?

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Find out at the end of the show.

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Remember, only the audience's top three shorts at the end of the series

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will be shown to Blair Witch co-director Eduardo Sanchez.

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At the moment, 3am, Capture and Mr Creak are the ones to beat

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and hoping to knock any of them off of the top spot is our next film -

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a little car-based catastrophe called The Breakdown -

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made by student Mohammed Rabbani and removals man Mark Benmore.

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They look like a talented duo. Just look at those jazz hands.

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I wonder what kind of horrendousness they can craft with those.

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Oh, damn.

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THUNDER RUMBLES

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RAPID TAPPING ON WINDOW

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FOOTSTEPS

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Hello.

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Hi. My car broke down and my phone is not working.

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Can I use yours, please?

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Of course, yes. Come in.

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The landline's not working though, because of the storm,

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but go on in.

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CLOCK TICKS

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Who are you?

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How did you get in here?

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Hi, I'm Emily.

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My car broke down and the lady let me in.

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Her.

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This woman...

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was...

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my wife.

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Oh...

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She died five years ago.

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I'm...

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I'm just going to leave now.

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I'm sorry.

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No, no.

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Stay away.

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Stay away.

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It's a joke.

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It's a joke.

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We're just having some fun.

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What?!

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A joke?

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What kind of people are you?

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-You guys are sick.

-Ross.

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I'm so sorry. My husband is obsessed with the dead.

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Please, come and have a seat.

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-I just need to use your phone... I...

-Yes.

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It was just some fun.

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And I'm sure you'd like a warm drink.

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What's that?

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You want to play?

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Ross, enough.

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Put your finger on the planchette.

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He's been at it all night.

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I call upon the dead...

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If there any among you...

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speak to us...on this night.

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KNOCK ON DOOR

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KNOCKING CONTINUES

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I'll get it.

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CAR HORN BLARES

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Ross!

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Beth!

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Ross!

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Bethany!

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What? What?

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CAR HORN CONTINUES

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BETH GASPS

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SHE GASPS

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What?

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But what...? What...?

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If the... How could...? Oh! She was dead all along!

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But I wonder, did our audience pick up on the twist or did The Breakdown

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leave them needing some assistance?

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-The twist at the end was really good. I liked that.

-Yeah.

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-CAR HORN BEEPS

-What? Is that her?

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I didn't see it coming, no.

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It kind of surprised me and I really liked that.

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She's crashed and all that. The guy said he's obsessed with the dead,

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so obviously she was dead already.

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-BOTH:

-Oh...!

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What did the silly cow drive into a post for?

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An intriguing question,

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but our cinemagoers found something equally as provoking.

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This woman was my wife.

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The old people cracked me up, like, "Oh, yeah, my wife's dead."

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It's a joke!

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It's a joke.

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COMEDY DRUM SOLO

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"It was a joke!"

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-Get the fuck out of here!

-THEY LAUGH

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And when they were calling out to each other - "Jo!" "Bethany!"

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Bethany!

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"Bethany!"

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"Bethany!"

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"Bethany!"

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"Bethany!"

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This makes it sounds like we didn't like it, but I really did!

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Put your finger on the planchette.

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-"Put your hand on the planchette."

-THEY LAUGH

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I once had a ghost put their hand on my planchette

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and I've never fully recovered,

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but will any of our audience members

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have taken up the old man up on is offer?

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No! I have never played a Ouija board and don't want to -

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they're dangerous.

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Yeah, I think I'd like to do a Ouija board. I'd be quite curious,

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but then I'd probably be so scared if I got an answer

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and I'd be like, "Oh, no, that was you. That was you."

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-And it would be me.

-Yeah.

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Well, if I had a Ouija board with me right now, I'd only have

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one question to ask it - did our audience find Breakdown scary?

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It was a nice little thriller. Just gliding into it.

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What the film-maker did, which was ingenious, was they just kept

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throwing in fake twists, which made it really fun to watch.

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So it sounds like Breakdown wasn't a write-off,

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but what score was it dealt?

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Find out at the end of the show.

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Put your phone away.

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Why?

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Turn your phone off, fella.

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I don't want your missus interrupting my movie, eh?

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Why are you so fascinated by that straw?

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Because it's, like, crunching my straw, so I couldn't suck anything

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out of it. Look! What cup is aggressive enough to do that?

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It's fine now.

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You've broken it! That's why.

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Time for something very different.

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It comes from the sick mind of 23-year-old Josh Ward.

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Like all good amateur film-makers, Josh enjoys making fake blood,

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walking into gates and attacking soundmen.

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This is A Mothers Touch.

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What's next? I want the lights to go down.

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Oh, here we go!

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JINGLING

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Fucking hell!

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No!

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You go, girl.

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Daddy?

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Argh!

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SHE WHIMPERS

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SHE CHOKES

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Argh!

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Daddy's weird!

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Fucking...

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bi...

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ARGH!

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HE WHIMPERS

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What... What did we just watch?

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I don't know!

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But I think I liked it.

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A Mothers Touch was one of those films that asked more questions

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than it gave answers. But what did our audience make of it?

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The way that I interpreted A Mother's Touch was that it was

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like a parent's desperate attempts to maintain childhood innocence.

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I thought it was about someone getting their eyes gouged out,

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but then when you pointed it out, that's a very good interpretation.

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I'm going to go with that and pretend to be smart.

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I think she wants her daddy to save her,

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but I don't think the guy that appeared was her dad.

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That she poked the eyes out, weren't her dad.

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Best thing I could put together from it is that it was maybe like...

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Oh, do you know what? I just don't know.

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Thanks for nothing, you lot! Luckily for me and you at home,

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here's Amelia and Grace's Guide To A Mother's Touch.

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There's this girl in the cage, she likes a baby, she takes pills.

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It's the circle of life, but it's definitely not.

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-She's...

-Neglected from her mother's touch.

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-And so...

-That's why she locks her baby in the cage,

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-cos she doesn't know how to be a good mother.

-Whoa.

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Yeah, I don't think we're going to get very far with this one.

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It's clear that A Mother's Touch confused some of our audience,

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but how much did it make them want their mummies?

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With the final votes now in

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it's time to take a look at all the films to see how they scored.

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In fourth place is Bernard, Robert Howell's

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tale of cannibalism-next-door, which bit off more than it could chew

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with an unappetising 3.5.

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I didn't find it scary at all. But really, really unsettling.

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In third, it's stranded ghost thriller, The Breakdown.

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A big twist finale failed to tow it from the hard shoulder,

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as it crashes in with a 5.6.

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I really enjoyed the film and I liked the idea,

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but it wasn't actually that scary for me.

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Bethany!

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Bethany!

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But only one film can take top spot on tonight's leader board.

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And just pipped to the post this week with 6.1 was

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Josh Ward's A Mother's Touch.

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It ticked a lot of boxes.

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It's unsettling, it's really well made, it's well scored.

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Which means this week's winner

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is basement-based panic provider Paranoia.

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One of the best horror films I've seen, actually.

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This film, I feel, like, gave us not one jump scare but two.

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Yes, that double jump certainly gave it the edge it needed

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to take today's top spot with a score of 6.8.

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Remember, though, only the top three

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at the end of the series will make it to the final, where Blair Witch

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co-director Eduardo Sanchez will choose our ultimate winner

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and hand over 20 grand's worth of support towards their next project.

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So, what have tonight's scores done to the overall leader board?

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Incredible!

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Paranoia bumps off Mr Creak and joins 3am and Capture in our top three.

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So congratulations to Paranoia, but with more terrifying offerings around

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the corner, will that trio still top the table?

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Or will one of next week's trouser-stainers take their place?

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Coming soon...

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That film was so scary.

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Yeah, it was really well put together.

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You little stinker!

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Agh!

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This is too much of a build-up. This is too much.

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Until then, nighty-night.

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