Episode 3 The Fear

This programme contains some strong language some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting

From the chill down your neck, to the stain in your pants,

fear can do many things.

It can chill...

SHE SQUEALS ..thrill...

-and entertain.

-Oh, my God!

Which is precisely why we're here.

We've asked amateur filmmakers to send us their creepiest,

goriest and freakiest short horror films

for your viewing pleasure.

Movies such as Saw and Evil Dead

both started out as shorts before

becoming multimillion dollar franchises

So we're hoping to find next horror master,

worthy of a bloodcurdling blockbuster.

This is The Fear,

where who scares, wins.

Oh, my God!

Welcome to the screaming room.

As a kid, plenty of things terrified me - Aunty Moira's mystery meat pie,

acne and sexual inadequacy.

As an adult, it's losing my no-claims bonus,

stool consistency and still sexual inadequacy.

But what scares an audience of Horror fans?

Here they'll be watching a host of terrifying short films,

they'll vote for their scariest in this special cinema rigged with

cameras to catch their every jump, scream and cry.

So let's welcome back some of those tasked with rating our films.

Included in our audience tonight are...

Antoine, Nick and Daniel,

who are still getting to the bottom of who is the toughest.

-To be fair, yous two ain't built for horrors, you know.

-Hey...

You chose to come on Halloween. You ain't got the guts for this, bro.

Sister act scaredy-cats Amelia and Grace...

SHE SCREAMS

Oh, my goodness! Really?!

Also included in our audience are nurses, best friends,

and singing sensations Aaron and Michelle.

-# Oh na-na

-What's my name?

-# Oh na-na

-What's my name? #

Hardcore horror fans Brad and Ash, who are just so proud to be here!

I probably won't tell my mum to watch it cos she'll be like,

"Look what I raised - a fucking moron!"

Me mum won't watch it because she doesn't support anything I do.

And ridiculously good-looking and sophisticated...

Ladies first.

..Poppy and Joe.

-SHE BURPS

-Oh my God, I'm so sorry.

-Oh, my...

-I'm really sorry.

-Oh, my God! Such a strong smell.

Remember, this rag tag collection of fear junkies will be judging

the movies they see on one criteria alone -

scare factor.

The more a movie terrifies these twerps,

the better the chance it has of making it to the final.

All movies will be under four minutes and made by non-professionals.

And first off the Spool of Spooks tonight we have an offering from

16-year-old directors Harry Courtney and Matthew Traszko.

Personally, I think it's nice to see teenage boys finally discovering

a new way of entertaining themselves.

I know what I was like at that age!

This is Paranoia.

Oh! It's time!

# Da da da-da. #

-It's started, Joe.

-Really, is it(?)

-Yeah.

Mm-hm, yeah.

No, no, Mum. I'll be fine.

It's not like I haven't done it before.

Please, stop worrying. OK.

Yes, it's all done. Yes, OK.

I'm going now, bye. Love you. Bye.

Love you. Bye, bye, bye!

CLATTERING

DOOR CREAKS

DISCORDANT MUSIC ESCALATES

MUSIC STOPS

-Arghhhhhh!

-Oh, my God!

HE LAUGHS

-Should've seen your face.

-Hell, man. That's not cool.

HE LAUGHS

-Didn't tell me you had a basement.

-I know it's spooooky, right?!

Whatever.

Was that it?

Oh, no, all right.

DOOR BELL RINGS

-Was that the door bell?

-I think so.

BELL RINGS AGAIN

-Are you expecting someone?

-No.

-You?

-I don't think so.

-TV PLAYS IN BACKGROUND

-New neighbours?

-Maybe.

EERIE MUSIC PLAYS

Matt, you left the door open! Anyone could've got in!

What do you mean? You were the last one in.

Whatever.

-I didn't leave the door open.

-Yeah, whatever, mate. I'm going to bed.

-Your turn to turn the lights off!

-Mate, you can't...

Seriously! I turned them off last night.

EERIE MUSIC PLAYS

What the hell...?

PHONE RINGS

DOOR CLICKS OPEN

Very funny, Harry.

I can hear your phone, you idiot.

Who are you talking to?

-Huh?

-Who are you talking to?

SHE SCREAMS

Fucking 'ell!

-There was two scares in that one for you.

-Yeah.

-That's a good little tally.

-Yeah.

So, two scares for the price of one.

Will that be enough to propel it into the final?

Our entire audience marks each film out of ten.

The more they were scared, the higher the score.

At the end of the competition,

Blair Witch Project co-director Eduardo Sanchez will view

the three scariest films and pick the ultimate winner.

He'll take that lucky director a step closer to Hollywood

with £20,000 worth of support for their next fright fest.

With that in mind, let's see what they thought of Paranoia.

A film that managed to get London's toughest jumping out of their seats.

I thought Paranoia was a good film.

Actually that's the best I've seen. It gave me a fright.

Yaaaaargh!

Oh, my God!

The audience around us for the first jump lost their minds.

SCREAMING

That first jump was really tense. Ohhhh!

Then you see the guy in the background and I was like,

"Ohhhh!" So, super tense.

It got me once.

Aw, fuck!

Oh, shit, it got me.

It got you lot twice. So it's still 2-2-1.

So great tension and great scares.

For some in the audience though the minor details were a little more important.

He's got really white teeth, doesn't he?

So, when I watched the film,

I want to see what it's trying to show, what style it's in.

Amelia is looking at teeth.

-I want to know what toothpaste he uses.

-It was very distracting.

She ruined the tension

by asking what kind of stuff he uses on his teeth?

Like, I don't care, Amelia.

Whilst for Poppy the nightmare was in the nightwear...

Who sleeps in jeans? So he was lying in bed in his skinny jeans.

That's a health hazard because skinny jeans are really tight

and restricts blood flow.

They're not even joggers, they're jeans.

-That's really not good for you.

-Thank you.

I'd say he probably has other things to worry about.

Like the massive red-faced demon in his cellar!

There's no way in hell I'd be going down to any basement. I don't care.

Whatever's in the basement can stay there!

In that situation, I'd have run out the door.

Aaaaargh! Fucking 'ell.

-What would you have done?

-Probably just wee'd myself.

-Yaaaargh!

-So, it seems flat share

horror stories aren't just about who left that mess in the bathroom.

Find out how Paranoia faired on our leader board at the end of the show.

The next film for you to get your teeth into is a cheery little

number made by PR copy-writer Robert Howells.

Aside from making short horror films, Robert rollerblades, types a lot,

and looks like this from this angle, and like this from this angle.

Handsome.

Prepare yourself for Bernard.

SHE GASPS

Jesus!

PIANO MUSIC PLAYS

TV CHATTER

We have to talk about it, Barb.

We can't just let him carry on stealing...

You were the same at 16, Reg.

He's only trying to help.

Times are tough.

I know. We're all struggling...

But we can't let it affect his school.

He won't change, Reg.

We are what we are.

Oh, fetch the sweet after, will you, love?

R&B MUSIC PLAYS

SHE SOBS

SHE SCREAMS

THEY GASP

SHE SCREAMS

SCREAMING CONTINUES

-BOTH:

-What?

I don't know what to say.

I liked that.

Ah, there's nothing like a sweet family drama...

and that was nothing like a sweet family drama.

SHE SCREAMS

This was weird.

It was a pretty dark one.

A blow torch was really unnecessary.

I mean, that is just evil at its finest.

SHE SCREAMS

What? What is that?

Oh, my fuck.

Oh!

While some hid their faces,

horror buff Brad proved his credentials and spotted the twist

coming a mile away.

We are what we are.

Cannibals.

Incredible. Brad got that just 54 seconds into the film.

Maybe they are cannibals.

Antwuan, on the other hand...

JEOPARDY THEME TUNE PLAYS

-What? Was he eating her?

-THEY LAUGH

Good God, man. He had a plateful of fingers. Keep up.

That boy's Jamie Oliver.

THEY LAUGH

With more brains than a value sausage,

Bernard's clever twist certainly whetted our audience's appetite,

but did the terror consume them like Bernard consumed all those people?

Find out at the end of the show.

Remember, only the audience's top three shorts at the end of the series

will be shown to Blair Witch co-director Eduardo Sanchez.

At the moment, 3am, Capture and Mr Creak are the ones to beat

and hoping to knock any of them off of the top spot is our next film -

a little car-based catastrophe called The Breakdown -

made by student Mohammed Rabbani and removals man Mark Benmore.

They look like a talented duo. Just look at those jazz hands.

I wonder what kind of horrendousness they can craft with those.

Oh, damn.

THUNDER RUMBLES

RAPID TAPPING ON WINDOW

FOOTSTEPS

Hello.

Hi. My car broke down and my phone is not working.

Can I use yours, please?

Of course, yes. Come in.

The landline's not working though, because of the storm,

but go on in.

CLOCK TICKS

Who are you?

How did you get in here?

Hi, I'm Emily.

My car broke down and the lady let me in.

Her.

This woman...

was...

my wife.

Oh...

She died five years ago.

I'm...

I'm just going to leave now.

I'm sorry.

No, no.

Stay away.

Stay away.

It's a joke.

It's a joke.

We're just having some fun.

What?!

A joke?

What kind of people are you?

-You guys are sick.

-Ross.

I'm so sorry. My husband is obsessed with the dead.

Please, come and have a seat.

-I just need to use your phone... I...

-Yes.

It was just some fun.

And I'm sure you'd like a warm drink.

What's that?

You want to play?

Ross, enough.

Put your finger on the planchette.

He's been at it all night.

I call upon the dead...

If there any among you...

speak to us...on this night.

KNOCK ON DOOR

KNOCKING CONTINUES

I'll get it.

CAR HORN BLARES

Ross!

Beth!

Ross!

Bethany!

What? What?

CAR HORN CONTINUES

BETH GASPS

SHE GASPS

What?

But what...? What...?

If the... How could...? Oh! She was dead all along!

But I wonder, did our audience pick up on the twist or did The Breakdown

leave them needing some assistance?

-The twist at the end was really good. I liked that.

-Yeah.

-CAR HORN BEEPS

-What? Is that her?

I didn't see it coming, no.

It kind of surprised me and I really liked that.

She's crashed and all that. The guy said he's obsessed with the dead,

so obviously she was dead already.

-BOTH:

-Oh...!

What did the silly cow drive into a post for?

An intriguing question,

but our cinemagoers found something equally as provoking.

This woman was my wife.

The old people cracked me up, like, "Oh, yeah, my wife's dead."

It's a joke!

It's a joke.

COMEDY DRUM SOLO

"It was a joke!"

-Get the fuck out of here!

-THEY LAUGH

And when they were calling out to each other - "Jo!" "Bethany!"

Bethany!

"Bethany!"

"Bethany!"

"Bethany!"

"Bethany!"

This makes it sounds like we didn't like it, but I really did!

Put your finger on the planchette.

-"Put your hand on the planchette."

-THEY LAUGH

I once had a ghost put their hand on my planchette

and I've never fully recovered,

but will any of our audience members

have taken up the old man up on is offer?

No! I have never played a Ouija board and don't want to -

they're dangerous.

Yeah, I think I'd like to do a Ouija board. I'd be quite curious,

but then I'd probably be so scared if I got an answer

and I'd be like, "Oh, no, that was you. That was you."

-And it would be me.

-Yeah.

Well, if I had a Ouija board with me right now, I'd only have

one question to ask it - did our audience find Breakdown scary?

It was a nice little thriller. Just gliding into it.

What the film-maker did, which was ingenious, was they just kept

throwing in fake twists, which made it really fun to watch.

So it sounds like Breakdown wasn't a write-off,

but what score was it dealt?

Find out at the end of the show.

Put your phone away.

Why?

Turn your phone off, fella.

I don't want your missus interrupting my movie, eh?

Why are you so fascinated by that straw?

Because it's, like, crunching my straw, so I couldn't suck anything

out of it. Look! What cup is aggressive enough to do that?

It's fine now.

You've broken it! That's why.

Time for something very different.

It comes from the sick mind of 23-year-old Josh Ward.

Like all good amateur film-makers, Josh enjoys making fake blood,

walking into gates and attacking soundmen.

This is A Mothers Touch.

What's next? I want the lights to go down.

Oh, here we go!

JINGLING

Fucking hell!

No!

You go, girl.

Daddy?

Argh!

SHE WHIMPERS

SHE CHOKES

Argh!

Daddy's weird!

Fucking...

bi...

ARGH!

HE WHIMPERS

What... What did we just watch?

I don't know!

But I think I liked it.

A Mothers Touch was one of those films that asked more questions

than it gave answers. But what did our audience make of it?

The way that I interpreted A Mother's Touch was that it was

like a parent's desperate attempts to maintain childhood innocence.

I thought it was about someone getting their eyes gouged out,

but then when you pointed it out, that's a very good interpretation.

I'm going to go with that and pretend to be smart.

I think she wants her daddy to save her,

but I don't think the guy that appeared was her dad.

That she poked the eyes out, weren't her dad.

Best thing I could put together from it is that it was maybe like...

Oh, do you know what? I just don't know.

Thanks for nothing, you lot! Luckily for me and you at home,

here's Amelia and Grace's Guide To A Mother's Touch.

There's this girl in the cage, she likes a baby, she takes pills.

It's the circle of life, but it's definitely not.

-She's...

-Neglected from her mother's touch.

-And so...

-That's why she locks her baby in the cage,

-cos she doesn't know how to be a good mother.

-Whoa.

Yeah, I don't think we're going to get very far with this one.

It's clear that A Mother's Touch confused some of our audience,

but how much did it make them want their mummies?

With the final votes now in

it's time to take a look at all the films to see how they scored.

In fourth place is Bernard, Robert Howell's

tale of cannibalism-next-door, which bit off more than it could chew

with an unappetising 3.5.

I didn't find it scary at all. But really, really unsettling.

In third, it's stranded ghost thriller, The Breakdown.

A big twist finale failed to tow it from the hard shoulder,

as it crashes in with a 5.6.

I really enjoyed the film and I liked the idea,

but it wasn't actually that scary for me.

Bethany!

Bethany!

But only one film can take top spot on tonight's leader board.

And just pipped to the post this week with 6.1 was

Josh Ward's A Mother's Touch.

It ticked a lot of boxes.

It's unsettling, it's really well made, it's well scored.

Which means this week's winner

is basement-based panic provider Paranoia.

One of the best horror films I've seen, actually.

This film, I feel, like, gave us not one jump scare but two.

Yes, that double jump certainly gave it the edge it needed

to take today's top spot with a score of 6.8.

Remember, though, only the top three

at the end of the series will make it to the final, where Blair Witch

co-director Eduardo Sanchez will choose our ultimate winner

and hand over 20 grand's worth of support towards their next project.

So, what have tonight's scores done to the overall leader board?

Incredible!

Paranoia bumps off Mr Creak and joins 3am and Capture in our top three.

So congratulations to Paranoia, but with more terrifying offerings around

the corner, will that trio still top the table?

Or will one of next week's trouser-stainers take their place?

Coming soon...

That film was so scary.

Yeah, it was really well put together.

You little stinker!

Agh!

This is too much of a build-up. This is too much.

Until then, nighty-night.