Episode 4 The Fear


Episode 4

How will our brave audience judge this week's scary short horror films and will any of them be chilling enough to make the leaderboard?


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Transcript


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This programme contains some strong language and some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting.

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From the chill down your neck, to the stain in your pants,

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fear can do many things.

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It can chill... SHE GASPS

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..thrill... and entertain.

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Oh, my God!

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Which is precisely why we're here.

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We've asked amateur film-makers

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to send us their creepiest, goriest and freakiest short horror films

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for your viewing pleasure.

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Movies such as SAW and Evil Dead both started out as shorts

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before becoming multimillion dollar franchises.

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So we're hoping to find next horror master

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worthy of a of a bloodcurdling blockbuster.

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SHOUTING ON SCREEN

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This is The Fear,

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where who scares...

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wins.

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-Oh, my God!

-HE LAUGHS

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Welcome to The Screaming Room.

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Here, we'll be spooking an audience of horror fans

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with a host of terrifying short films.

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They'll vote for their scariest in this special cinema,

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rigged with cameras to catch their every jump...

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SHE SCREAMS ..scream...

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SHE CRIES OUT ..and cry.

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So let's welcome back the horror fans tasked with rating our films.

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They include London lads Antoine, Nick and Daniel,

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who can already smell the fear...

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-FARTING SOUND

-You little stinker!

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Plus, newly dating Poppy and Joe,

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on whom the amateur film-making is starting to rub off.

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-Do you reckon me and you could make a film?

-I think we could.

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But I have a feeling it probably wouldn't be made public.

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SHE LAUGHS

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Cinema aficionados Brad and Ash.

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When I want to go and see a film that is specifically aimed at kids,

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but I want to see it and there are kids there, like little schmucks.

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See, mine's the whole... chair kickers.

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Fear not, it's very much a 18 certificate tonight and, relax,

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we've checked the IDs of these two - it's sisters Amelia and Grace.

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-I bet you £250 you'll scream.

-Jesus.

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-Jesus!

-I don't have that money. OK?

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And, finally, Aaron and Michelle, our Essex scare fans...

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-SHE SCREAMS

-What you fucking doing?

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..and all-around pop culture analysts.

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It's about a titwank.

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# My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

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# And they're like, it's better than yours. #

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Well, it is. It's like that.

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# Damn right, it's better than yours. #

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Because it's milk, shake.

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My milkshake.

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-SHE GASPS

-Oh, my God!

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Could we have booked a better bunch to judge a horror competition?

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Well, yes, frankly, but this ragtag crowd was all that was available.

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All the films will be under four minutes,

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made by amateur film-makers

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and will be scored by our audience, solely on scariness.

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So switch off the lights, turn off your phones

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and clasp a neighbouring hand for comfort,

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because it's time to begin.

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Our first film of the night comes from 24-year-old Nathan Seedhouse,

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who is a master baker.

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No, not that.

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Yeah, there you go.

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But there's more to this than caterer than cobs, cookies and cats.

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Nathan also likes ignoring girls and scaring folk.

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Like with this, tonight's first frightful flick.

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It's called Anomaly.

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-Oh, no.

-Here we go.

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BEEPING

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EERIE MUSIC

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MUSIC BUILDS

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MUSIC STOPS

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EERIE SINGING

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SINGING FADES

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BEEPING STARTS

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HEAVY BREATHING

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RAPID THUDDING

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LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS

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LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS

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Shit, that's scary.

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HEARTBEAT

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HEARTBEAT

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THUDDING

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HEARTBEAT QUICKENS

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HEARTBEAT QUICKENS

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HEARTBEAT STOPS

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SLOW HEARTBEAT

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DRAMATIC MUSIC

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HEARTBEAT

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DRAMATIC MUSIC

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SHE GASPS

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ALL TALK

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Ooh, I like that.

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Oh, it's done.

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HE SIGHS HEAVILY

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That was wicked.

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That heartbeat was so good. That ruined you.

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Oh, my God.

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That was Anomaly.

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That was jumpier than a particularly skittish nervous wreck on a bronco.

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That could work in its favour, as our cinemagoers will be scoring

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all shorts between 1 and 10 for scariness,

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with the three most frightening films at the end of the competition

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going before Blair Witch Project co-director Eduardo Sanchez.

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He'll pick the ultimate winner,

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who'll receive £20,000 worth of support

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towards their next project.

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With that in mind, let's see how many pairs of pants Anomaly's ruined.

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Fear.

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SHE GASPS

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SHE SCREAMS

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-SHE GASPS

-Oh!

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That film was so scary.

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Like, some of the big blockbuster Hollywood films I've seen.

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It really, really had me freaked out.

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-DRAMATIC MUSIC

-Ooh! Oh, God.

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Even our usually unshakeable resident tough guys were spooked.

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I'm not going to lie, I was on edge for a very long time,

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but at the end little thing...

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If we go to a Halloween party after this

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and we see a girl in a white gown...

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-I'm out of that, like...

-I'm not...

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-I'm not going in there, mate.

-Out of that.

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I actually made a bet with Amelia that she would scream.

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-And what did you do, Amelia?

-I did a little scream.

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It was more of a gasp, I would say.

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SHE MIMICS GASP

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A very high-pitched, loud gasp.

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SHE GASPS

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I won the bet.

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Amelia will have to cough up for that,

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but at least Grace should have some kind words to soften the blow.

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The girl in the film reminded me of...

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-this beautiful person.

-What?

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All these girls have really long, dark hair

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and, like, some form of...

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I don't know, this face going on.

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What are sisters for, if not to compare your face

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to that of the pallid, decrepit undead?

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Now, explain to me why this fella's seasoning his home...

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I think the salt was, like, a preventer. To, like...

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-To not let whatever it is...

-Ward off bad spirits and stuff like that.

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Yeah. Not let this anon...

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-BOTH:

-..anonononomally...

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Whatever it is, in.

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I thought he was warding off slugs.

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Being someone that's stood on a slug barefoot,

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I know the horror of what that could be.

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-ASH LAUGHS

-So I was all onboard for an awkward slug movie.

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I hadn't even thought of slugs until you mentioned it to me

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and then I was actually kind of bummed out

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that it wasn't a giant slug movie.

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So Anomaly looks to have set our moviewatchers' hearts racing,

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but did they score it highly enough to make the competition leaderboard?

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We'll be revealing all of tonight's scores at the end of the show.

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EERIE SINGING

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Fear.

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Next up on our macabre menu is this tasty morsel from Stanislava Buevich.

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When she's not wearing other people's faces like a hipster Hannibal Lecter,

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being brutally attacked by tiny humans,

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or struggling to get to grips with this whole selfie lark...

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she's trying to get your adrenaline pumping

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with her short, Geoffrey's Heart.

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Ssh.

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DOOR OPENS

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DOOR SHUTS

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KEYS JANGLE

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There you are.

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Hasn't changed, I think, just as you remember.

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We're home, Geoffrey.

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FOOTSTEPS

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What would you like to do?

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I bought you some new comics and movies.

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-They're in your room, if you want to...

-I'm hungry.

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You say that and...and you don't eat anything.

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What would you like, Geoffrey?

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I'll...I'll make you something.

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EERIE HUMMING

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DOOR CREAKS

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SHE HUMS

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SHE STOPS HUMMING

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Geoff, you're back.

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DULL THUD

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Geoffrey?

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FOOTSTEPS

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EERIE MUSIC

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MUSIC BUILDS

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CREAKING

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HEAVY BREATHING

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PEOPLE MURMUR

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That's not normal.

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-But he was hungry, in fairness.

-Yeah.

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EERIE SINGING

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Well, that got messy quickly, but...

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what did our cinemagoers make of the peckish patient

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with the tricky ticker?

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It was a great bit of casting, because he was a creepy-looking kid.

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And it's something... You got that vibe straight away.

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I'm not actually quite sure what Geoffrey is. I know he's...

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a person who eats a person, but I can't remember the word.

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What word was it you said, Amelia?

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I think it was carnivore or a herb...

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It's something vore, or canavore?

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-Apparently, it's a herbivore.

-Cannival?

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Don't fret it. I'm sure our resident nurses can offer a more accurate diagnosis.

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Oh, my God.

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-Geoffrey? I thought he was a bit...

-Weird.

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Looked a bit disturbed. He's just, like, "I'm hungry."

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# Everybody's got a hungry heart... #

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I'm hungry.

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# Everybody's got a hungry heart... #

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'If I spoke to my mum like that...'

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Oh, mate. All hell would break loose.

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Our lot obviously expect their cannibals to be courteous.

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Geoffrey doesn't really seem to play by the rules though, does he?

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Oh, whoop.

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-Oh, my God. What a benefit fraud.

-THEY LAUGH

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While Geoffrey's cleaning up on the welfare, his mum's...

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well, not cleaning at all, much to Aaron's disgust.

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Then she goes out and gets a big bit of meat and slaps it on the side.

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-Exactly!

-And don't wash her hands afterwards.

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-Walks all round the house, smearing all meat up the walls.

-Oh!

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To be honest, I don't think the fella scoffing raw entrails

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straight from a carcass is that fussed about food hygiene standards!

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But what was to blame for this gnarly noshing?

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Geoffrey had had a heart transplant.

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-Now he's, like, a heartless person!

-Yeah.

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And that's why she got the devil card and then death,

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-cos the devil was going to make her die.

-The devil's heart!

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Yeah, she got the devil's heart.

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It's true. Something bad was definitely on the cards

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for that young lady and it certainly came with a big reveal at the end.

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As soon as I saw Geoffrey on the bed eating the girl, I thought,

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-that was zero to 100 real quick, like.

-Yeah.

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He just ate his sister.

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SHE LAUGHS QUIETLY

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I didn't, at first, clock that they may have been siblings, so...

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SHE SNORTS

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I may have thought that

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their foreplay got a little bit out of hand.

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Do we need to have a little chat about the birds and the bees, Joe?

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I don't know what you do, but doesn't go like that.

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Jesus!

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God knows if you'll get another date now, mate.

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But, if you do, just be sure to ignore

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Geoffrey's interpretation of eating out.

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We'll be finding out later whether Geoffrey's Heart

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set enough pulses racing to be in with a chance of winning

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that cool £20,000 worth of support

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toward its director's next film.

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EERIE SINGING

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Our next film comes from 26-year-old fitness fanatic Cal Thomson.

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When he's not pointlessly running around

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and pulling off poses like this...

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(Nice!)

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..he gets his heart racing by subjecting folk to his chilling take

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on a roadside safety film.

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So buckle up, kids! This is Drive Safe.

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-Oh, here we go.

-Here we go, mate.

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EERIE MUSIC

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Bye, hon. I'll text you later.

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CAR BEEPS

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CAR STARTS

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DRAMATIC MUSIC

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DRAMATIC MUSIC

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TYRES SCREECH

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SHE PANTS

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BEEPING

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-Oh!

-SHE RATTLES KEYS

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Come on!

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-SHE WHISPERS:

-Come on.

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SHE PANTS

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-Oh!

-MOBILE PHONE GLITCHES

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-No!

-No!

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EERIE MUSIC

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BONNET CREAKS

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CREAKING

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BONNET SHUTS

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Hello?

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Hello?

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SHE PANTS

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MOBILE PHONE GLITCHES

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-AMELIA SCREAMS

-Oh, God! Oh!

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HE SNIGGERS

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Car breakdowns are a nightmare for sure,

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but if there's a shadowy phantom tormenting you -

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roadside assistance or not -

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you are screwed!

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What other handy safety tips did our back-seat drivers pick up?

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TYRES SCREECH

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This is why I don't drive.

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Because it can be a creepy experience, right?

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If your car stops working and your phone's dead,

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you're going to get killed, basically.

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Would I stay in the car, would I get out? I would have stayed.

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Don't get out the car! Like, it's dark.

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Oh, yeah. The old "lift up the hood and pretend you know what you're doing" trick.

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Just shined a light.

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You never know, she could have been a mechanic or anything, but, obviously... You never know!

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I think maybe our trusty film buffs could do with borrowing that light.

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I was looking at something different every time

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the big scare supposedly happened.

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DRAMATIC MUSIC

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-BOTH:

-What am I looking at?

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Guys! It's right there. For goodness' sake, put your specs on!

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-Oh.

-And then, when it did appear,

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I was fine with that, it was in front of the car.

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I've got it, I've got it.

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I bet you're rubbish at Where's Wally, Ash.

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There was no missing the final scare, though.

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-SHE SCREAMS

-Oh, my...

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The ending did get me, which was really good.

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This is too much of a build-up. This is too much, this is too much.

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AMELIA SCREAMS

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-Oh! Oh, God!

-HE SNIGGERS

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So the back seat of the car provided a satisfying jump for Poppy.

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Oh, God!

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But how did she and the rest of our moviegoers score Drive Safe?

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Find out at the end of the show.

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-You're such a mess, you know that? Look at you.

-Oh, shut up.

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-Look at you.

-Look at you.

-You're shaking.

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Shaking and dropping your food.

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One time, I was watching Frozen on me own

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-in the cinema...

-THEY LAUGH

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That's all right. I did it too.

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All right. But this woman, right,

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not only did her phone ring, but she answered it!

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I stood up and shouted, "Get off your fucking phone!"

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I do love a horror, me.

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The last of tonight's tiny terrors

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comes from that well-known fiery hellmouth...

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Cornwall.

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Living room photographer Stephen Oxborrow

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and pals, Mark Guthrie and Ben Fullman -

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seen here invading France -

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met as film extras.

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They also appear to be highly flammable.

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Together, they're looking to set your world on fire

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with their film, 999.

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-IN EERIE VOICE:

-Prepare to meet your destiny.

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THEY LAUGH

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DRAMATIC MUSIC

0:21:270:21:29

THUDDING

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BREATHING

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Hello, fire department!

0:21:360:21:39

Fire's out. We've got reports of somebody inside.

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Let's check these rooms and get out. I don't want to be here all night.

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HEAVY BREATHING

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Let's do this.

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Man, don't these places give you the creeps?

0:21:490:21:51

Back home, you only ever go into a place like this on Halloween.

0:21:510:21:55

Just try and concentrate, Jay.

0:21:550:21:56

I'm just saying, I'm...

0:21:560:21:58

Places like this, you never know

0:21:580:22:00

when something is going to jump out at you.

0:22:000:22:02

DRAMATIC MUSIC, JAY SHOUTS

0:22:020:22:03

OTHER LAUGHS

0:22:030:22:05

Come on.

0:22:060:22:07

That is some messed-up shit.

0:22:070:22:09

HEAVY BREATHING

0:22:090:22:10

Right, Jay, we've got three rooms remaining.

0:22:180:22:20

-I'm going to have to radio down to Jack.

-All right.

0:22:200:22:23

Jack, you're receiving?

0:22:230:22:24

HEAVY BREATHING

0:22:240:22:26

ENGINE RUNS

0:22:260:22:27

-RADIO:

-Jack, you're receiving?

0:22:270:22:29

Yeah, go ahead, Mark.

0:22:290:22:30

We've got three rooms remaining.

0:22:300:22:32

Haven't seen anything unusual so far.

0:22:320:22:34

Only a cat hung up by a chain.

0:22:340:22:36

No real indication of how the fire actually started.

0:22:360:22:40

OK, it's 2:55 and you have 28 minutes of air remaining.

0:22:400:22:43

Jay, we got 28 minutes remaining.

0:22:450:22:47

Oh, jeez. So much for finishing early.

0:22:470:22:50

Roger that, Jack. We'll be down in ten.

0:22:500:22:52

-Come on, you bitch!

-JAY BANGS DOOR

0:22:520:22:55

Mark? Mark, get your ass over here! We got movement!

0:22:550:22:59

-HE SHOUTS:

-Hello?

0:22:590:23:00

-THEY STRUGGLE

-Hey, fire department!

0:23:000:23:03

BANGING, DOOR CREAKS

0:23:030:23:05

HEAVY BREATHING

0:23:070:23:08

There's our body.

0:23:080:23:10

I'm calling it in.

0:23:110:23:13

Jack? We have a body.

0:23:130:23:16

Jack?

0:23:160:23:18

Jack? Are you there? Come in.

0:23:180:23:20

JAY BREATHES

0:23:200:23:21

-MARK SHOUTS:

-Jack? Jack?

0:23:210:23:23

MARK MUTTERS

0:23:230:23:24

-MARK SHOUTS:

-Jack?

0:23:240:23:26

I'm not getting anything here.

0:23:270:23:29

JAY BREATHES

0:23:290:23:31

Do you think I should give her CPR?

0:23:310:23:33

SHE SHRIEKS

0:23:330:23:35

-JAY SHOUTS

-Jay!

0:23:350:23:36

-BANGING

-Jay! Where the fuck are you?

0:23:360:23:39

JAY PANTS

0:23:390:23:41

DRAMATIC MUSIC, JAY YELPS

0:23:460:23:47

HEAVY PANTING

0:23:470:23:48

HE SCREAMS

0:23:520:23:54

HE COUGHS

0:23:540:23:55

HE PANTS

0:23:560:23:57

What the fuck?

0:23:590:24:00

EERIE MUSIC

0:24:010:24:03

DRAMATIC MUSIC

0:24:100:24:14

Shall we stop holding hands now?

0:24:150:24:16

Yeah! It's a bit much, Michelle. It's like you're all over me.

0:24:160:24:19

-Fear.

-MENACING LAUGH

0:24:190:24:22

Barbecued baddies and frightened firefighters abound,

0:24:220:24:25

but did 999 hold a candle to tonight's other shorts

0:24:250:24:29

in our filmgoers' eyes?

0:24:290:24:31

WOMAN SHRIEKS

0:24:310:24:33

-SHOUTING

-Jay!

0:24:330:24:35

It really reminded me of the Spanish film Rec.

0:24:350:24:37

It's a very similar situation, with the firemen going into the building.

0:24:370:24:41

The twist being that the reason why the building went up in flames

0:24:410:24:44

was as a result of a demonic ritual. That was really cool.

0:24:440:24:48

-See, kids. Pyromania and Satanic rituals

-are

-cool.

0:24:480:24:52

It was a lot more professional. You could tell that immediately and that made me feel like,

0:24:520:24:56

instantly, I was watching a real horror film.

0:24:560:24:58

Yeah, it was really well put together.

0:24:580:24:59

I thought the film had a really high production value,

0:24:590:25:02

it almost seemed like a Hollywood picture.

0:25:020:25:04

BANGING AND CREAKING

0:25:040:25:05

Well, they certainly had a Hollywood cast.

0:25:050:25:08

# Liking this American boy. #

0:25:080:25:11

I swear the guy's accent changed during the film.

0:25:110:25:13

Let's get out of here. I don't want to be here all night.

0:25:130:25:16

"We gotta get in here, we gotta get the people out."

0:25:160:25:19

Places like this, you never know when something is going to jump out at you.

0:25:190:25:23

-He kept wavering...

-Into, like...

0:25:230:25:25

-IRISH ACCENT:

-"We've got to get out of here, you bugger!"

0:25:250:25:28

"You got 28 minutes of oxygen left."

0:25:280:25:30

-So much for finishing early.

-They sound like Dark Vader.

-Yeah.

0:25:300:25:33

THEY MIMIC BREATHING

0:25:330:25:35

Who's Dark Vader?

0:25:350:25:37

HEAVY BREATHING

0:25:370:25:39

You think I should give her CPR?

0:25:390:25:42

# This girl is on fire. #

0:25:420:25:44

She was crawled into a little ball, shaking, like this.

0:25:440:25:48

And he said, shall I resuscitate her?

0:25:480:25:50

-Or give her RSPC...? No, RS...

-No, RS...

0:25:500:25:53

Oh! RS... Did you just say RSPCA?

0:25:530:25:56

The other one. The...

0:25:560:25:58

Probably best not to rely on our audience

0:25:580:26:00

in a medical emergency!

0:26:000:26:02

We can rely on them to score films for scares, though.

0:26:020:26:04

And the burning question for 999 and all of tonight's shorts,

0:26:040:26:08

is whether they've done enough to make the series' top three.

0:26:080:26:12

With the final votes in,

0:26:120:26:13

let's take a look back to see how they rated.

0:26:130:26:16

-Fear.

-MENACING LAUGH

0:26:160:26:18

In fourth place,

0:26:190:26:20

it's creepy transplant tale Geoffrey's Heart,

0:26:200:26:23

which our cinemagoers rated as 3.4 on the scare-scale.

0:26:230:26:27

I really enjoyed it, but it just wasn't scary.

0:26:270:26:30

Tense motoring 'mare Drive Safe has stalled in third with 4.6.

0:26:310:26:35

I was so tense that I turned round to Joe and I was like,

0:26:350:26:39

"I think I'm about to go into cardiac arrest." I was right on the edge of my seat.

0:26:390:26:42

Just falling short of tonight's top spot

0:26:420:26:44

is firefighter film 999, in second place with 6.4.

0:26:440:26:50

Hello, fire department!

0:26:500:26:51

I was very impressed with 999.

0:26:510:26:53

-Very good budget, very good acting.

-Mm.

-Even the costume outfits.

0:26:530:26:57

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Good.

0:26:570:26:58

Meaning Anomaly takes first place as tonight's most frightening film,

0:26:580:27:02

with a scare-score of 6.7.

0:27:020:27:05

I was really impressed with Anomaly.

0:27:050:27:07

I thought it was really, really quite a taut little movie.

0:27:070:27:10

Remember that only the top three shorts across the series

0:27:100:27:14

will make it to Blair Witch co-director Eduardo Sanchez

0:27:140:27:17

to ultimately pick the winner.

0:27:170:27:19

And, unfortunately, Anomaly just misses a place

0:27:190:27:22

on our overall leaderboard by an anomaly of 0.1!

0:27:220:27:25

Fear.

0:27:270:27:29

But will those same films still be there next week,

0:27:290:27:31

after another whole host of horrors hope to sicken and scare?

0:27:310:27:36

Coming soon... HE SHOUTS AND LAUGHS

0:27:360:27:38

-I'm not going to front. That got me.

-Absolutely terrified.

0:27:380:27:42

SHE SCREAMS, THEY SNIGGER

0:27:420:27:44

And there's a bit of, like, naughty stuff in it.

0:27:440:27:46

-You don't want to mess with your body like that.

-THEY SCREAM

0:27:460:27:50

Oh, my God. I'm, like, shaking.

0:27:500:27:52

-SHE SHOUTS

-Freaky.

0:27:520:27:54

Until then... sleep tight.

0:27:540:27:57

# Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows

0:28:000:28:03

# Everything that's wonderful is what I feel when

0:28:030:28:06

# We're together

0:28:060:28:08

# Brighter than a lucky penny

0:28:080:28:11

# When you're near, the rain cloud disappears, dear

0:28:110:28:14

# And I feel so fine

0:28:140:28:16

# Just to know that you are mine

0:28:160:28:19

# My life is sunshine, lollipops and rainbows

0:28:190:28:23

# That's how this refrain goes, so come on... #

0:28:230:28:25

Series searching for the scariest amateur horror film in the UK, hosted by comedian Matthew Giffen. The judges of this fright fest are the audience in a cinema which has been rigged with cameras to capture every jump, scream and cry.

The audience, made up of Essex nurses, veteran film geeks, a newly dating couple, Disney-loving sisters and the tough guys, continues to judge the contest on how scary each film is as viewers get to follow their reactions and afterthoughts. The big question is - did it make them jump?


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