Episode 4 The Fear

This programme contains some strong language and some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting.

From the chill down your neck, to the stain in your pants,

fear can do many things.

It can chill... SHE GASPS

..thrill... and entertain.

Oh, my God!

Which is precisely why we're here.

We've asked amateur film-makers

to send us their creepiest, goriest and freakiest short horror films

for your viewing pleasure.

Movies such as SAW and Evil Dead both started out as shorts

before becoming multimillion dollar franchises.

So we're hoping to find next horror master

worthy of a of a bloodcurdling blockbuster.

SHOUTING ON SCREEN

This is The Fear,

where who scares...

wins.

-Oh, my God!

-HE LAUGHS

Welcome to The Screaming Room.

Here, we'll be spooking an audience of horror fans

with a host of terrifying short films.

They'll vote for their scariest in this special cinema,

rigged with cameras to catch their every jump...

SHE SCREAMS ..scream...

SHE CRIES OUT ..and cry.

So let's welcome back the horror fans tasked with rating our films.

They include London lads Antoine, Nick and Daniel,

who can already smell the fear...

-FARTING SOUND

-You little stinker!

Plus, newly dating Poppy and Joe,

on whom the amateur film-making is starting to rub off.

-Do you reckon me and you could make a film?

-I think we could.

But I have a feeling it probably wouldn't be made public.

SHE LAUGHS

Cinema aficionados Brad and Ash.

When I want to go and see a film that is specifically aimed at kids,

but I want to see it and there are kids there, like little schmucks.

See, mine's the whole... chair kickers.

Fear not, it's very much a 18 certificate tonight and, relax,

we've checked the IDs of these two - it's sisters Amelia and Grace.

-I bet you £250 you'll scream.

-Jesus.

-Jesus!

-I don't have that money. OK?

And, finally, Aaron and Michelle, our Essex scare fans...

-SHE SCREAMS

-What you fucking doing?

..and all-around pop culture analysts.

It's about a titwank.

# My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

# And they're like, it's better than yours. #

Well, it is. It's like that.

# Damn right, it's better than yours. #

Because it's milk, shake.

My milkshake.

-SHE GASPS

-Oh, my God!

Could we have booked a better bunch to judge a horror competition?

Well, yes, frankly, but this ragtag crowd was all that was available.

All the films will be under four minutes,

made by amateur film-makers

and will be scored by our audience, solely on scariness.

So switch off the lights, turn off your phones

and clasp a neighbouring hand for comfort,

because it's time to begin.

Our first film of the night comes from 24-year-old Nathan Seedhouse,

who is a master baker.

No, not that.

Yeah, there you go.

But there's more to this than caterer than cobs, cookies and cats.

Nathan also likes ignoring girls and scaring folk.

Like with this, tonight's first frightful flick.

It's called Anomaly.

-Oh, no.

-Here we go.

BEEPING

EERIE MUSIC

MUSIC BUILDS

MUSIC STOPS

EERIE SINGING

SINGING FADES

BEEPING STARTS

HEAVY BREATHING

RAPID THUDDING

LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS

LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS

Shit, that's scary.

HEARTBEAT

HEARTBEAT

THUDDING

HEARTBEAT QUICKENS

HEARTBEAT QUICKENS

HEARTBEAT STOPS

SLOW HEARTBEAT

DRAMATIC MUSIC

HEARTBEAT

DRAMATIC MUSIC

SHE GASPS

ALL TALK

Ooh, I like that.

Oh, it's done.

HE SIGHS HEAVILY

That was wicked.

That heartbeat was so good. That ruined you.

Oh, my God.

That was Anomaly.

That was jumpier than a particularly skittish nervous wreck on a bronco.

That could work in its favour, as our cinemagoers will be scoring

all shorts between 1 and 10 for scariness,

with the three most frightening films at the end of the competition

going before Blair Witch Project co-director Eduardo Sanchez.

He'll pick the ultimate winner,

who'll receive £20,000 worth of support

towards their next project.

With that in mind, let's see how many pairs of pants Anomaly's ruined.

Fear.

SHE GASPS

SHE SCREAMS

-SHE GASPS

-Oh!

That film was so scary.

Like, some of the big blockbuster Hollywood films I've seen.

It really, really had me freaked out.

-DRAMATIC MUSIC

-Ooh! Oh, God.

Even our usually unshakeable resident tough guys were spooked.

I'm not going to lie, I was on edge for a very long time,

but at the end little thing...

If we go to a Halloween party after this

and we see a girl in a white gown...

-I'm out of that, like...

-I'm not...

-I'm not going in there, mate.

-Out of that.

I actually made a bet with Amelia that she would scream.

-And what did you do, Amelia?

-I did a little scream.

It was more of a gasp, I would say.

SHE MIMICS GASP

A very high-pitched, loud gasp.

SHE GASPS

I won the bet.

Amelia will have to cough up for that,

but at least Grace should have some kind words to soften the blow.

The girl in the film reminded me of...

-this beautiful person.

-What?

All these girls have really long, dark hair

and, like, some form of...

I don't know, this face going on.

What are sisters for, if not to compare your face

to that of the pallid, decrepit undead?

Now, explain to me why this fella's seasoning his home...

I think the salt was, like, a preventer. To, like...

-To not let whatever it is...

-Ward off bad spirits and stuff like that.

Yeah. Not let this anon...

-BOTH:

-..anonononomally...

Whatever it is, in.

I thought he was warding off slugs.

Being someone that's stood on a slug barefoot,

I know the horror of what that could be.

-ASH LAUGHS

-So I was all onboard for an awkward slug movie.

I hadn't even thought of slugs until you mentioned it to me

and then I was actually kind of bummed out

that it wasn't a giant slug movie.

So Anomaly looks to have set our moviewatchers' hearts racing,

but did they score it highly enough to make the competition leaderboard?

We'll be revealing all of tonight's scores at the end of the show.

EERIE SINGING

Fear.

Next up on our macabre menu is this tasty morsel from Stanislava Buevich.

When she's not wearing other people's faces like a hipster Hannibal Lecter,

being brutally attacked by tiny humans,

or struggling to get to grips with this whole selfie lark...

she's trying to get your adrenaline pumping

with her short, Geoffrey's Heart.

Ssh.

DOOR OPENS

DOOR SHUTS

KEYS JANGLE

There you are.

Hasn't changed, I think, just as you remember.

We're home, Geoffrey.

FOOTSTEPS

What would you like to do?

I bought you some new comics and movies.

-They're in your room, if you want to...

-I'm hungry.

You say that and...and you don't eat anything.

What would you like, Geoffrey?

I'll...I'll make you something.

EERIE HUMMING

DOOR CREAKS

SHE HUMS

SHE STOPS HUMMING

Geoff, you're back.

DULL THUD

Geoffrey?

FOOTSTEPS

EERIE MUSIC

MUSIC BUILDS

CREAKING

HEAVY BREATHING

PEOPLE MURMUR

That's not normal.

-But he was hungry, in fairness.

-Yeah.

EERIE SINGING

Well, that got messy quickly, but...

what did our cinemagoers make of the peckish patient

with the tricky ticker?

It was a great bit of casting, because he was a creepy-looking kid.

And it's something... You got that vibe straight away.

I'm not actually quite sure what Geoffrey is. I know he's...

a person who eats a person, but I can't remember the word.

What word was it you said, Amelia?

I think it was carnivore or a herb...

It's something vore, or canavore?

-Apparently, it's a herbivore.

-Cannival?

Don't fret it. I'm sure our resident nurses can offer a more accurate diagnosis.

Oh, my God.

-Geoffrey? I thought he was a bit...

-Weird.

Looked a bit disturbed. He's just, like, "I'm hungry."

# Everybody's got a hungry heart... #

I'm hungry.

# Everybody's got a hungry heart... #

'If I spoke to my mum like that...'

Oh, mate. All hell would break loose.

Our lot obviously expect their cannibals to be courteous.

Geoffrey doesn't really seem to play by the rules though, does he?

Oh, whoop.

-Oh, my God. What a benefit fraud.

-THEY LAUGH

While Geoffrey's cleaning up on the welfare, his mum's...

well, not cleaning at all, much to Aaron's disgust.

Then she goes out and gets a big bit of meat and slaps it on the side.

-Exactly!

-And don't wash her hands afterwards.

-Walks all round the house, smearing all meat up the walls.

-Oh!

To be honest, I don't think the fella scoffing raw entrails

straight from a carcass is that fussed about food hygiene standards!

But what was to blame for this gnarly noshing?

Geoffrey had had a heart transplant.

-Now he's, like, a heartless person!

-Yeah.

And that's why she got the devil card and then death,

-cos the devil was going to make her die.

-The devil's heart!

Yeah, she got the devil's heart.

It's true. Something bad was definitely on the cards

for that young lady and it certainly came with a big reveal at the end.

As soon as I saw Geoffrey on the bed eating the girl, I thought,

-that was zero to 100 real quick, like.

-Yeah.

He just ate his sister.

SHE LAUGHS QUIETLY

I didn't, at first, clock that they may have been siblings, so...

SHE SNORTS

I may have thought that

their foreplay got a little bit out of hand.

Do we need to have a little chat about the birds and the bees, Joe?

I don't know what you do, but doesn't go like that.

Jesus!

God knows if you'll get another date now, mate.

But, if you do, just be sure to ignore

Geoffrey's interpretation of eating out.

We'll be finding out later whether Geoffrey's Heart

set enough pulses racing to be in with a chance of winning

that cool £20,000 worth of support

toward its director's next film.

EERIE SINGING

Our next film comes from 26-year-old fitness fanatic Cal Thomson.

When he's not pointlessly running around

and pulling off poses like this...

(Nice!)

..he gets his heart racing by subjecting folk to his chilling take

on a roadside safety film.

So buckle up, kids! This is Drive Safe.

-Oh, here we go.

-Here we go, mate.

EERIE MUSIC

Bye, hon. I'll text you later.

CAR BEEPS

CAR STARTS

DRAMATIC MUSIC

DRAMATIC MUSIC

TYRES SCREECH

SHE PANTS

BEEPING

-Oh!

-SHE RATTLES KEYS

Come on!

-SHE WHISPERS:

-Come on.

SHE PANTS

-Oh!

-MOBILE PHONE GLITCHES

-No!

-No!

EERIE MUSIC

BONNET CREAKS

CREAKING

BONNET SHUTS

Hello?

Hello?

SHE PANTS

MOBILE PHONE GLITCHES

-AMELIA SCREAMS

-Oh, God! Oh!

HE SNIGGERS

Car breakdowns are a nightmare for sure,

but if there's a shadowy phantom tormenting you -

roadside assistance or not -

you are screwed!

What other handy safety tips did our back-seat drivers pick up?

TYRES SCREECH

This is why I don't drive.

Because it can be a creepy experience, right?

If your car stops working and your phone's dead,

you're going to get killed, basically.

Would I stay in the car, would I get out? I would have stayed.

Don't get out the car! Like, it's dark.

Oh, yeah. The old "lift up the hood and pretend you know what you're doing" trick.

Just shined a light.

You never know, she could have been a mechanic or anything, but, obviously... You never know!

I think maybe our trusty film buffs could do with borrowing that light.

I was looking at something different every time

the big scare supposedly happened.

DRAMATIC MUSIC

-BOTH:

-What am I looking at?

Guys! It's right there. For goodness' sake, put your specs on!

-Oh.

-And then, when it did appear,

I was fine with that, it was in front of the car.

I've got it, I've got it.

I bet you're rubbish at Where's Wally, Ash.

There was no missing the final scare, though.

-SHE SCREAMS

-Oh, my...

The ending did get me, which was really good.

This is too much of a build-up. This is too much, this is too much.

AMELIA SCREAMS

-Oh! Oh, God!

-HE SNIGGERS

So the back seat of the car provided a satisfying jump for Poppy.

Oh, God!

But how did she and the rest of our moviegoers score Drive Safe?

Find out at the end of the show.

-You're such a mess, you know that? Look at you.

-Oh, shut up.

-Look at you.

-Look at you.

-You're shaking.

Shaking and dropping your food.

One time, I was watching Frozen on me own

-in the cinema...

-THEY LAUGH

That's all right. I did it too.

All right. But this woman, right,

not only did her phone ring, but she answered it!

I stood up and shouted, "Get off your fucking phone!"

I do love a horror, me.

The last of tonight's tiny terrors

comes from that well-known fiery hellmouth...

Cornwall.

Living room photographer Stephen Oxborrow

and pals, Mark Guthrie and Ben Fullman -

seen here invading France -

met as film extras.

They also appear to be highly flammable.

Together, they're looking to set your world on fire

with their film, 999.

-IN EERIE VOICE:

-Prepare to meet your destiny.

THEY LAUGH

DRAMATIC MUSIC

THUDDING

BREATHING

Hello, fire department!

Fire's out. We've got reports of somebody inside.

Let's check these rooms and get out. I don't want to be here all night.

HEAVY BREATHING

Let's do this.

Man, don't these places give you the creeps?

Back home, you only ever go into a place like this on Halloween.

Just try and concentrate, Jay.

I'm just saying, I'm...

Places like this, you never know

when something is going to jump out at you.

DRAMATIC MUSIC, JAY SHOUTS

OTHER LAUGHS

Come on.

That is some messed-up shit.

HEAVY BREATHING

Right, Jay, we've got three rooms remaining.

-I'm going to have to radio down to Jack.

-All right.

Jack, you're receiving?

HEAVY BREATHING

ENGINE RUNS

-RADIO:

-Jack, you're receiving?

Yeah, go ahead, Mark.

We've got three rooms remaining.

Haven't seen anything unusual so far.

Only a cat hung up by a chain.

No real indication of how the fire actually started.

OK, it's 2:55 and you have 28 minutes of air remaining.

Jay, we got 28 minutes remaining.

Oh, jeez. So much for finishing early.

Roger that, Jack. We'll be down in ten.

-Come on, you bitch!

-JAY BANGS DOOR

Mark? Mark, get your ass over here! We got movement!

-HE SHOUTS:

-Hello?

-THEY STRUGGLE

-Hey, fire department!

BANGING, DOOR CREAKS

HEAVY BREATHING

There's our body.

I'm calling it in.

Jack? We have a body.

Jack?

Jack? Are you there? Come in.

JAY BREATHES

-MARK SHOUTS:

-Jack? Jack?

MARK MUTTERS

-MARK SHOUTS:

-Jack?

I'm not getting anything here.

JAY BREATHES

Do you think I should give her CPR?

SHE SHRIEKS

-JAY SHOUTS

-Jay!

-BANGING

-Jay! Where the fuck are you?

JAY PANTS

DRAMATIC MUSIC, JAY YELPS

HEAVY PANTING

HE SCREAMS

HE COUGHS

HE PANTS

What the fuck?

EERIE MUSIC

DRAMATIC MUSIC

Shall we stop holding hands now?

Yeah! It's a bit much, Michelle. It's like you're all over me.

-Fear.

-MENACING LAUGH

Barbecued baddies and frightened firefighters abound,

but did 999 hold a candle to tonight's other shorts

in our filmgoers' eyes?

WOMAN SHRIEKS

-SHOUTING

-Jay!

It really reminded me of the Spanish film Rec.

It's a very similar situation, with the firemen going into the building.

The twist being that the reason why the building went up in flames

was as a result of a demonic ritual. That was really cool.

-See, kids. Pyromania and Satanic rituals

-are

-cool.

It was a lot more professional. You could tell that immediately and that made me feel like,

instantly, I was watching a real horror film.

Yeah, it was really well put together.

I thought the film had a really high production value,

it almost seemed like a Hollywood picture.

BANGING AND CREAKING

Well, they certainly had a Hollywood cast.

# Liking this American boy. #

I swear the guy's accent changed during the film.

Let's get out of here. I don't want to be here all night.

"We gotta get in here, we gotta get the people out."

Places like this, you never know when something is going to jump out at you.

-He kept wavering...

-Into, like...

-IRISH ACCENT:

-"We've got to get out of here, you bugger!"

"You got 28 minutes of oxygen left."

-So much for finishing early.

-They sound like Dark Vader.

-Yeah.

THEY MIMIC BREATHING

Who's Dark Vader?

HEAVY BREATHING

You think I should give her CPR?

# This girl is on fire. #

She was crawled into a little ball, shaking, like this.

And he said, shall I resuscitate her?

-Or give her RSPC...? No, RS...

-No, RS...

Oh! RS... Did you just say RSPCA?

The other one. The...

Probably best not to rely on our audience

in a medical emergency!

We can rely on them to score films for scares, though.

And the burning question for 999 and all of tonight's shorts,

is whether they've done enough to make the series' top three.

With the final votes in,

let's take a look back to see how they rated.

-Fear.

-MENACING LAUGH

In fourth place,

it's creepy transplant tale Geoffrey's Heart,

which our cinemagoers rated as 3.4 on the scare-scale.

I really enjoyed it, but it just wasn't scary.

Tense motoring 'mare Drive Safe has stalled in third with 4.6.

I was so tense that I turned round to Joe and I was like,

"I think I'm about to go into cardiac arrest." I was right on the edge of my seat.

Just falling short of tonight's top spot

is firefighter film 999, in second place with 6.4.

Hello, fire department!

I was very impressed with 999.

-Very good budget, very good acting.

-Mm.

-Even the costume outfits.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Good.

Meaning Anomaly takes first place as tonight's most frightening film,

with a scare-score of 6.7.

I was really impressed with Anomaly.

I thought it was really, really quite a taut little movie.

Remember that only the top three shorts across the series

will make it to Blair Witch co-director Eduardo Sanchez

to ultimately pick the winner.

And, unfortunately, Anomaly just misses a place

on our overall leaderboard by an anomaly of 0.1!

Fear.

But will those same films still be there next week,

after another whole host of horrors hope to sicken and scare?

Coming soon... HE SHOUTS AND LAUGHS

-I'm not going to front. That got me.

-Absolutely terrified.

SHE SCREAMS, THEY SNIGGER

And there's a bit of, like, naughty stuff in it.

-You don't want to mess with your body like that.

-THEY SCREAM

Oh, my God. I'm, like, shaking.

-SHE SHOUTS

-Freaky.

Until then... sleep tight.

# Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows

# Everything that's wonderful is what I feel when

# We're together

# Brighter than a lucky penny

# When you're near, the rain cloud disappears, dear

# And I feel so fine

# Just to know that you are mine

# My life is sunshine, lollipops and rainbows

# That's how this refrain goes, so come on... #