Episode 5 The Fear


Episode 5

Series searching for the scariest amateur horror film in the UK. Will this week's films terrify the audience enough to knock the current top three scariest films off their perch?


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Transcript


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This programme contains some strong language.

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This programme contains scenes which some viewers may find upsetting

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From the chill down your neck, to the stain in your pants,

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fear can do many things...

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It can chill, thrill...

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and entertain.

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Which is precisely why we're here.

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We've asked amateur film-makers to send us their creepiest...

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goriest...

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and freakiest short horror films for your viewing pleasure.

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Movies such as Saw and Evil Dead both started out

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as shorts before becoming multi-million-dollar franchises.

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So we're hoping to find the next horror master

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worthy of a blood-curdling blockbuster.

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This is The Fear,

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where who scares...wins.

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Oh, my God!

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Welcome to the screaming room!

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Here we'll be spooking an audience of horror fans with

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a host of terrifying short films.

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They'll vote for their scariest in this special cinema

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rigged with cameras to catch their every jump, scream and cry.

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Oh, my God!

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So, let's welcome back the horror fans tasked with rating our films.

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Call 911 now!

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Included in our audience are London lads Antoine, Nick and Daniel,

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who like their horror like...

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they like their steaks.

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I prefer it, like, when it's, like, when it's proper bloody.

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-And gory.

-Yeah, man.

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Perky young things Poppy and Joe.

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My top keeps coming down, you can see my bra.

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I think my hair covers it, but I don't know.

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Eyes front, Joe!

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And medical...er...professionals Aaron and Michelle.

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-What are they?

-Panadol.

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HE SHUDDERS

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I've got meningitis.

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Developing a taste for the gruesome, it's sisters Amelia and Grace.

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This popcorn tastes like banana.

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-No, it doesn't.

-Yeah.

-It definitely does not.

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And terrified of everything except horror movies,

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film buffs Brad and Ash.

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You know what scares me?

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-Sharks.

-Earthquakes and sharks.

-World hunger.

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Remember, these guys will be scoring each film out of 10

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on scariness alone.

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So a 1 would be a kitten being put into a watering can.

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A 10 would be a watering can put into a kitten.

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The only rules are that each film must be under four minutes

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and made by non-professional film-makers.

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Got that? Let's put on a film, then.

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The first offering comes from 18-year-old George Moore,

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a student at the University of the Arts, London,

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and I'm guessing not a real blonde.

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George likes to touch pianos,

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stand near pictures that may or may not be relevant to

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the upcoming movie, and be really good at drawing.

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So, make yourself comfortable for something really uncomfortable.

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This is The Portrait.

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GOTHIC HORROR MUSIC

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CLOCK TICKS

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CLATTERING

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WHISPERING VOICES

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CREAKING

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DISTANT FEMALE SINGING

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WHISPERING AND SINGING CONTINUE

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TAPPING

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WHISPERING VOICES

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EERIE VIOLINS PLUCK

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VIOLINS SCREECH

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CHILD'S LAUGHTER IN THE DISTANCE

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TAPPING

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LAUGHTER AND SINGING

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FOOTSTEPS

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FLOORBOARDS CREAK

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SHE PANTS

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CREAKING

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Oh, my God, I'm, like, shaking.

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-Why did she buy that painting in the first place? She's a weirdo!

-I know.

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Good God, I hope that doesn't happen to the full-sized portrait

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I've got of Robin Thicke in my bathroom.

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Remember that these films are being marked on scariness alone.

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The three with the highest score at the end of the series will be

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put before Blair Witch Project co-director Eduardo Sanchez,

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who will pick the ultimate winner.

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So, did The Portrait scare the Picasso out of our audience?

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-Nick jumped! It wasn't scary.

-It got you, it got you.

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THEY SCREAM AND LAUGH

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I'm not going to front, that got me there, yeah.

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GASPS

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I think The Portrait could've been scarier, in my opinion.

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-I found it really scary. I had little heart palpitations.

-But it doesn't take a lot for you.

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SHE SCREAMS

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It was scary, it was scary.

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Oh, my God!

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I thought it was one of the better ones we've seen so far.

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Of course, we all express fear in different ways,

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but it seems the star of The Portrait is

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a fan of the traditional method.

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CREAKING

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Did she fart?

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She just farted. I'm not going to lie.

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Still, let's be honest, though, she brought it all on herself, right?

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SHE SCREAMS

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I feel like she deserved what she got.

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If you have something like that on your wall...

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I bet she bought it from one of them old scary little antique shops.

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Exactly. You just wouldn't do it.

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You'd get something like flowers or unicorns or a portrait of yourself.

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I've just realised it looks like a dirty juggalo.

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THEY LAUGH

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In fairness, if a juggalo turned up in my bedroom, I'd be terrified.

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So, it seems The Portrait creeped a few people out, but will it

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be enough to take a place on the competition leaderboard?

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Hang around,

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because we'll be revealing all the scores at the end of the show.

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Creeping creepily on, our next film comes from 36-year-old Rob Nevitt,

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who, judging by this empty cinema,

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has pretty severe personal hygiene issues. I'm kidding!

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He runs a horror festival and I'm sure he smells like candyfloss.

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This is his uber-unsettling offering, Metamorphosis.

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Hello, I'm Dr Carter, you are Mr...?

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-Frost.

-Mr Frost, yes. How are you feeling?

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-I feel a bit sick.

-Just a side effect of the treatment, it'll pass.

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Hopefully it comes as a comfort that your participation in this programme

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brings us that bit closer to finding a possible cure.

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So when do I get paid?

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-All in good time.

-'Dr Carter to security, please.

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'Immediately.'

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What's the problem?

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Nothing to worry about. Excuse me a minute.

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HE HUMS

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-BANGING

-What the f...?

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'Security to level three...'

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Er...hello?

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'All patients please return to your rooms,

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'there is no cause for alarm.'

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What the f...?

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HE PANTS

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(Shit, shit, shit!)

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Fuck!

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SIRENS

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LIQUID SPRAY

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HE GROANS

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SIRENS BLARE

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GUNSHOTS

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Subject 87...

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..unsuccessful.

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Please, can somebody clear Mr Frost away?

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I like it. I like that.

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I didn't like how he turned into some big, winged guy. But I liked it.

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-That was my favourite film so far.

-Really?

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Personally, I'd thoroughly recommend experimenting with your body.

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I mean, how else are you going to discover that

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a moustache like this can make you look so good?

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But what about our hospital drama, Metamorphosis?

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Did it give our audience a decent dose of shock therapy?

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I liked Metamorphosis.

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It was the first first-person genre one that we saw.

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It's the huge thing in horror right now.

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When you only see what the character sees, you put yourself

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in their shoes and it makes it a lot more real to me.

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It felt like a video game, when you're watching it.

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I felt like I was in the video game and I was directing this character

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to try and survive.

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-And then at the end, we lost.

-Yeah.

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So what exactly had those barkingly berserk boffins done

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to our protagonist?

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I think he turned into some sort of alien dragon.

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Something like you'd see in Harry Potter.

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I think he turned into a weird bat.

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He's a butterfly!

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He wasn't feathered wings - I don't think so -

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and then the title was called Metamorphosis.

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-(Am I saying that right?)

-(Yeah.)

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I think you'd be a moth.

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You're irritating, you're attracted to light.

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No-one really wants to go to sleep with you in the room.

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If you had wings, you'd be a bat

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because you suck the life out of people and it rhymes with twat.

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So, obviously, it's really worked out for me,

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but how would our audience feel about a bit of experimentation?

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You don't want to mess with your body like that!

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I've dropped him to the clinic a few times.

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Dropped who, who?

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When you, um, took that pill.

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I don't know what you're talking about, mate.

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Well, if you're going to play, then play safe.

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So, Metamorphosis is a wonderfully unusual addition to the

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competition, but how did it score?

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Find out at the end of the show.

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Our next film is about those tricky date interactions -

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the early nerves, the awkward silences.

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Dinner Date comes from 24-year-old Sam Hoggarth

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and 29-year-old Danny Cotton from Norwich.

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Sam has a huge imaginary girlfriend and Danny likes bowling.

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Hey, cool!

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They hope their film, Dinner Date, whets the audience's appetite

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and is still around for breakfast in the morning.

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I'm so glad you could come over.

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I find it a bit difficult to go out

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and meet people sometimes. My, uh, friends tell me

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that my...habits can put people off a little.

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Even just now, my friend, she was on the telephone,

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lecturing me about it all.

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Oh, gosh, look at me, I'm just rabbiting on.

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Shall we eat?

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Oh...

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I've done it again, haven't I?

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Oh, well.

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-That's a "gutsy" performance.

-Wahey!

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Well, they say the best way to man's heart is through his stomach,

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but it also turns out to be the best way to his gall bladder,

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kidneys and lungs.

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I actually quite liked Dinner Date.

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It kind of blends the line between surrealist comedy horror.

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It's very short, sharp and punchy.

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It got my attention when I saw fishnet dress, to be fair.

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I'm so glad you could come over.

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Yeah, it was nice.

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THEY LAUGH

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Whilst it's clear where Antoine's mind is,

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Dinner Date put the human anatomy at the forefront of everyone's brain.

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Horror doesn't usually get much of a squirm out of me but, yeah, she was

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really tearing at them guts.

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If you go on a dinner date, normally you're expecting at least

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a decent meal or a little bit of laughter or something like that.

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Yeah, you don't expect to have your intestines eaten.

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Yeah, and pulled out across the table in front of you.

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-Yeah, I kind of hope that never happens to me.

-Yes.

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Well, if Poppy and Joe need any tips,

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the rest of the audience are on hand with their dating expertise.

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For a good dinner date you need to be a good eater.

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-You've had loads of bad dates.

-I've had lots of bad dates.

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-What happened last night?

-I don't want to talk about it,

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that doesn't matter. Um...

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You kind of need a connection. I really don't think there was

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a connection going between them in that film. Definitely not.

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I haven't tried to eat my date at the dinner table!

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HE LAUGHS

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Oh...

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Table manners, Michelle!

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Dinner Date certainly gave our judges their fill of gory guts,

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but did it have the stomach to make it onto our leaderboard

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or is it just "offal"?

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And so onto our next film, which is a nocturnal nightmare

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by insurance underwriter Amy Freeman.

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When she's not begging passing shoppers for funds for her next feature,

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she's "insuring" you soil yourself in front of this one.

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Amy's called her film...

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..Waiting.

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-It's my arm... You get your own armrest.

-You get two.

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PHONE CLATTERS

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LINE RINGS

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SHE GASPS

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-The jump-scares are good, right?

-Yeah, that was really good.

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-I got a little bit of a...

-It had, like, a good atmosphere to it.

-Yeah.

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Ah, the night bus, a magical place of nocturnal activity.

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Let's see what our audience made of...

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Waiting.

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Never gets old, that!

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I thought it was quite a good set-up, actually.

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SHE MOANS

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SHE GASPS

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Oh!

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HE CHUCKLES

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Plenty of nervy moments but nothing as unsettling as what was

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going through Amelia's mind.

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I first thought it was, like,

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"Aw, they're going to get together, this is so cute."

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BOTH: Aww.

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I kind of liked him at the beginning.

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He kind of had that little, sweet smile.

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# I go ahead and smile... #

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So you're attracted to murderers?

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You can't fault the logic but there were no such romantic thoughts

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from Poppy. She could only see the practical side of things.

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Guess it's just a really easy place to target someone - a bus stop.

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If you see someone there on their own and it's late at night,

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there's not many people around,

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that's where you can find your victim.

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Er, maybe you should get a taxi home, Joe.

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So how did our audience score our bus stop stalker scarer?

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No need to wait much longer - all the scores coming up very soon.

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It's time for the final film of the night, people,

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so settle down and get into the dead zone.

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Don't Open is written by and stars 25-year-old Alex Blackwood,

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who works the night shift at his local supermarket, stacking shelves

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and putting cameras in trolleys.

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Bet he can't wait for you to "checkout" his film.

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INDISTINCT CHATTER

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-Cheeky!

-Oh, hello.

-Cheeky.

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-That made me jump.

-You jumped! Yeah! The last one, you jumped!

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Bloody hell, internet dating

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is a bit more interactive these days, isn't it?

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But what did our audience make of Don't Open

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and its devastatingly stupid leading man?

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Frustrating. It's one of those films where the person does everything

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you don't want them to do and that they shouldn't do.

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Don't open.

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If it says "don't open", don't open.

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I would probably think, like, they've sent it to me

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by accident and there's a bit of naughty stuff in it, like...

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So you'd want to open it?

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Yeah, you'd want to have a look and see what they've been up to.

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I would open it. I'm curious, I'm nosy, I'd be like,

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"Ooh, what's this? Am I going to find out secrets?"

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-Well, you'd die and I wouldn't.

-Yeah.

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Ah, sisterly love there. Heart-warming(!)

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I think this one worked really well in terms of photos coming up

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and up and up. It kind of ramped up the tension.

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Yeah, instead of someone ringing you saying, "I'm in the house.

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"Oh, I'm behind you. Oh, I'm nearly there."

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They're pulling everything down from the Cloud and it was just

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a very intelligent, well-planned, well thought-out thriller.

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I was on edge watching it. Why is he opening the folder?

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And he's seeing the pictures of someone stalking him.

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That was good, the build-up.

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I was expecting a jump-scare of some kind.

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I was expecting something bad to happen. But not the way it did.

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SHE GASPS

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SHE LAUGHS

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-That was scary.

-Yeah, that was clever. I enjoyed that.

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It was really good.

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I did still jump at the end even though the arm wasn't that scary,

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because I jump at absolutely everything.

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Shock, horror - man at computer involved in dodgy hand job!

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We're almost at our own happy ending. Time for one final thought.

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If I had to stalk anyone...

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..I would stalk you, the viewer.

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Rude! I know we're on late, Brad, but we've got more than one viewer!

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-Sorry!

-THEY LAUGH

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So with the final votes now in for all of tonight's films,

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it's time to take a look back at them to see how they've scored.

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So, in fifth place with 2.3, it's the lady with the red fishnet dress,

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it's Dinner Date.

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I thought it was a really fun little ride they took us on but...

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it's not scary.

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In fourth place, it will make you think next time a stranger sidles up

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to you at a bus stop, it's Waiting.

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-We could feel the vibes from the stuff.

-There was a scary vibe given.

0:26:360:26:39

Next up in third place it's clinical trials gone wrong, Metamorphosis.

0:26:400:26:45

I thought this film was really different compared to everything

0:26:470:26:50

else we've seen cos it was the point of view, so all you're seeing is

0:26:500:26:53

what that person's seeing.

0:26:530:26:54

And in joint first place with a score of 5.5, it's The Portrait...

0:26:540:26:59

It was creepy and it was kind of frightening.

0:27:010:27:04

I really liked the nods to classic horror cinema - there was

0:27:040:27:06

the Nosferatu nod...

0:27:060:27:08

..and Don't Open.

0:27:080:27:10

Loved the element of it, loved the suspense, loved the build-up.

0:27:100:27:12

Really, really good and really quite interesting.

0:27:120:27:15

So, going into the final week of the competition

0:27:150:27:17

our top three remain unchanged,

0:27:170:27:20

but with more terrifying treats to come, it's all up for grabs.

0:27:200:27:24

Next time, our final fright fests...

0:27:260:27:29

SHE SCREAMS

0:27:290:27:30

-Oh, my God!

-That was a really good job.

0:27:320:27:34

..and Hollywood scaremonger Eduardo Sanchez

0:27:340:27:37

is here to pick the ultimate winner.

0:27:370:27:39

My judging criteria is just how scared does it make me?

0:27:390:27:43

Until then, nighty-night.

0:27:430:27:46

# When you're alone and life is making you lonely

0:27:530:27:57

# You can always go

0:27:570:28:00

# Downtown

0:28:000:28:01

# When you've got worries, all the noise and the hurry

0:28:010:28:05

# Seems to help, I know

0:28:050:28:08

# Downtown

0:28:080:28:10

# Just listen to the music of the traffic in the city

0:28:100:28:13

# Linger on the sidewalk... #

0:28:130:28:16

Series searching for the scariest amateur horror film in the UK. Hosted by comedian Matthew Giffen, the judges of this fright-fest are a cinema audience - which has been rigged with cameras to capture every jump, scream and cry.

As the competition nears the end of its heats, yet more spine-tingling offerings are shown to an audience made up of film buffs, Essex nurses, sisters and Hackney hard guys. Will this week's films terrify the cinema audience enough to knock any of the current top three scariest films off their perch? There is only one test - how much did you scream?


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