Anouk The Slap

Anouk's beau, the soap star.

-Can I have your picture?

-It's a very good show.

Anouk on that stupid soap opera - she's wasting her talent, right?

She could do a lot of different things.

She's already started on a novel.

-I hear you're giving up smoking.

-You should too, if you're going to keep up with Wonder Boy.

-No!

-Put it down!

-Hey! That's enough, OK?

NARRATOR: 'Anouk didn't really see the slap when it happened.

'Instead, she was noticing something altogether more alarming.'

CONSTERNATION AND SLAPPING

GARY: Fucking animal! Hey, touch my kid...

The main thing is that Hugo's OK.

He's not OK, Anouk. How the hell is he OK?

Sanctimonious prick. I should've smashed his fuckin' skull in.

-Go home, have a bath, no-one will even remember.

-Move, move!

-Gary!

-Give me the keys - you're not driving this car.

-How can you defend him?

I'm not defending anybody.

-It wasn't your fault, baby, OK?

-Maybe we shouldn't talk about this right now.

-Now, later - what does that even matter?

-I'm just saying with Hugo,

let's not escalate this.

You know what? Give me a break, OK? We're all upset.

I'll just drive, shall I?

So, that was full-on today.

Oh! Full-on over-reaction.

That's my friend Rosie for you.

Poor Aish.

She's been planning that party for months. She must be furious.

Have to say, you were the only one who behaved brilliantly.

Thanks.

-So Gary's a bit of a dickhead.

-Creatively thwarted.

He's usually fine...ish.

In fact...

..nobody's usually that bad.

You know, you don't seem the same age as them at all.

Well, I am.

See what was going on with Hector today, with that blonde girl?

I wasn't imagining it, was I?

Sometimes, I have no idea if you are even listening.

MUSIC: "Queen Of Hearts" by Bridezilla

SHE PANTS

SHE GROANS

SHE GIGGLES

SHE PANTS

PHONE BLEEPS

BLEEPING CONTINUES

-Don't...

-SHE YELLS PLAYFULLY

-..touch that!

-Ow!

-You dare!

SHE GIGGLES

-BLEEPING CONTINUES

-Oh, Jesus.

-PHONE BLEEPS

-You're beeping my brain.

PHONE RINGS

Mum, I'm at work.

Yeah, I know, it's... It's late.

SHE SIGHS

Sorry. You OK?

-Yeah, I can...

-Go work on your book.

What is it?

-Yeah.

-Go work on your book.

-Yes.

-Work on your book.

-Hang on. Hang on a sec.

Yeah.

No.

SHE SIGHS

LAPTOP BLEEPS REPEATEDLY

TRAIN RUMBLES PAST

Oh, Jesus, babe.

Hey.

I'm fine. Just...

too much wine.

Can we call in sick?

This is what happens when you don't eat enough or exercise.

I run for the tram!

Ugh!

WATER RUNS

Hi.

Help me with this?

I brought you the papers.

Oh, please. What's wrong?

-God, you look dreadful - let me feel your glands.

-Leave my glands.

I'm just hung over.

It was Hector's 40th yesterday.

So you did drugs. That's why you look like shit?

I didn't do drugs.

I wish I had done drugs.

They're all families now, Mum, it's...

I don't think Aish has done a drug in years.

It's which school and how much sugar, which apparently is a drug now,

-and who grinds their own millet flour.

-You been checking your breasts?

-Mm!

Since I was 12. You know what really freaks a kid out, Mum?

Telling them they might be carrying the breast cancer gene when they don't even have any breasts yet.

Well, we're Ashkenazi - we do carry it.

Sorry. I worked till 4am.

Well...

if you didn't do that job. 12 for a magazine!

Why's Marla not here?

I fired her.

I thought you liked her.

Couldn't bear her... hovering over me with those beady eyes one more day.

Fine.

-And she smelled.

-Great(!)

-Well, I'll get you another carer.

-I don't need anybody, Anouk. I'm perfectly content by myself.

We have a great time, myself and I.

-You can't live alone here - what if something happened?

-You live alone.

-Yeah, but I'm NOT alone.

-I'm happy, if that matters.

-He certainly takes up a lot of time.

Considering you think I spend most of my time exporting stupidity to the masses,

does the existence of Rhys really keep you awake at night?

I'm calling the agency.

Would you prefer a man this time?

-< ROSIE:

-Rachel.

-Oh.

-DOOR CLOSES

I brought you the yogurt that you like. Oh, hi, Anouk.

How are you, baby?

ROSIE CRIES

Terrible.

I just took Hugo to the doctor to check for inner-ear damage.

Why? What happened?

-Didn't Anouk tell you?

-I didn't think it was my place.

He's fine, right?

-Well, they didn't find anything but, you know, they... They still...

-I'm late.

Will somebody tell me what's happening?

Bye, Mum.

It was a personality clash.

Well, she needs somebody who can look after her without expecting her to look after THEM, you know?

They can't be needy.

Right, well, can you let me know when you find somebody? Thanks.

OK. So, last night I was thinking.

What does B do when she becomes suspicious of Joe's infidelity?

Well, I used to follow my boyfriend and then once I caught him in a restaurant with a woman.

That just makes her seem like a psycho.

-Only used to follow him as a joke.

-OK.

-Why doesn't she just act like an adult and confront him with the truth?

-Coffees.

What happened?

The network...

wants the wedding moved to a different block.

-Which block?

-504.

SHE SIGHS You are kidding me.

If we're going to move this here, that means you're going to lose

-the credit-card fraud story and Joe's infidelity that you're so keen on.

-I know.

I trust you'll sort it, though, yeah?

Let me know if you need anything, gang.

-I just finished those scripts.

-I know.

Right.

Right.

Oh, can I fax what? Oh, I sent that to you ages ago.

-If you're too busy, I can run the story meeting.

-Would you please check her file?

-Anouk.

-Oh, for fuck's sake, Cooper, what?

Hello! Monday - you're meant to be in the screening room.

Sorry. I'll e-mail you the rest of the notes.

Sure. No worries.

-I've been trying to call you.

-I've got to get to a screening.

-Yeah, how are you feeling?

-We're moving the wedding.

Mm.

You adrenalin junkie.

Mm.

Mm.

-Oi! You OK?

-Yeah, I'm just feeling a bit...faint.

Really? Well, maybe you should go to the doctor.

I've got to...get to this screening.

-Anouk Rosen?

-Yeah.

PHONE RINGS

BOTH PHONES RING

Aish, it's me.

Call.

Cooper, hi. I can't make the story conference.

And how was this my fault, Mum?

You know what? Don't worry about it. I got it covered.

Anouk, thank Christ. Can you do me a favour, watch the kids for an hour?

-Please?

-I suppose.

-I have to go to the police station, tell 'em what happened.

-Where's Aisha?

-Late. Emergency.

Dog swallowed a condom.

Adam. Hello!

-HE CLAPS

-Do you compute? Anouk's here.

-I'm leaving. Fish fingers for dinner. Everything else is cut up.

-You're coming straight back?

What? Yes.

Yes!

And don't give 'em any more chocolate.

Melissa.

I'm starving, Anouk.

-PHONE BLEEPS

-Here. Eat this.

-Thanks, Anouk.

Oh, for fuck's sake, Cooper!

The fish sucks.

What was it like the first time you kissed Rhys?

Can't remember, sweetheart. I was drunk.

You're funny, Anouk.

And that smells like totally burning.

Shit. Ah!

Cooper, I've already tried that.

Yes, but it doesn't work.

Thanks, mate. I really appreciate it.

-They'll just have to get married without the long engagement.

-Want a beer?

Yep. Talk soon. Bye.

They really don't help you out in there.

I was saying, "Mate, my cousin was just defending his son,"

and the copper goes, "Well, after you stood up, how many metres did you travel?

"Was that north-east or north-west?" Barely even looked at me. I'm not the guilty one here, mate.

-Did Aisha ask you to make a statement?

-I've already said I don't want to be involved.

-You're Rosie's friend - tell 'em what you saw.

-Frankly, I don't want to tell anyone what I saw yesterday.

-Hi.

-Hi.

How's that dog?

-Was just telling your husband how lucky he is to have you.

-Huh.

-Yeah, even go to the cops for your friends.

-Oh. How was it?

What do YOU think?

Got your message. You OK?

Yeah. I've got to go.

No, come talk to me for a second.

Today has been a total nightmare.

I mean, first Rosie calls me and then...

Then the police call Hector and I feel like I'm on this runaway train and I can't get off.

Can't believe that Hector went in there today.

His mum has been calling non-stop.

You know, she is furious with me because she thinks that

somehow I'm not supporting the family.

What they don't get is that Rosie is like my family.

I'm kind of relieved that I didn't see anything.

Aish?

Oh, sorry. I've been rabbiting on.

Mum.

Yes?

I feel sick in the stomach.

Oh. Poor you.

-What did you have to eat?

-Cake.

We had a BIT of cake.

You go and have a cold glass of water and lay down

-and I'll be right in.

-OK.

Sorry.

What's wrong?

Mm, I've got to go.

Are you OK?

I'm just tired.

-Tell me.

-There's nothing to tell. Truly.

I've got to reschedule a wedding.

Honestly, the fate of the world depends on it.

I'm calling you tomorrow.

PHONE RINGS

Dylan.

How'd it go?

Thank you.

I DO appreciate it.

Have you sent it to me yet?

I'll see if I can get you a better parking spot. Are you happy?

Fine. E-mail me the wedding rejig bits, as well,

and I'll take a look at that tonight for you.

OK.

Hello, authoress.

Who said you could look at that?

Hey.

-I let you listen to my demos all the time.

-That's your choice.

Stop! Sit down. Be quiet. Sit!

"Second night I ever saw Ruth,

"the three of them sat under the street lamp at the abandoned petrol station."

-No, I am just too tired.

-Be quiet.

"Punched on concrete puddled with oil and grease,

"Violent Femmes on the Walkman, they shared Southern Comfort and Coke.

"They liked the way it burned their throats.

"When sun came up, they remembered sleep.

"To Aida and Nicky, Ruth was broken glass -

-"beautiful but sharp..."

-That's really enough, you snoop.

So that's you, Rosie and Aisha?

What do you think?

How old were you guys?

-SIGHING:

-Oh...

Eight, nine...

About...20, I guess.

Rosie was...15.

I wish I'd known you then.

Were you even born?

Hey!

I was three.

No!

So you're the one bonking the banker?

No. Rosie had all the bonks.

Including everyone else's.

I'm the one with vomit down her dress, of course.

Hey, come here.

-You need to eat.

-I need to wee.

And then I need to deal with a story liner who thinks he's a new 2IC.

What is that?

Chicken soup.

You cook?

Who knew? Chicken in a pot.

You're cooking AND doing the washing up?

Sit.

Can't I take care of you for once?

Sit!

Bones.

SHE GIGGLES

I like it.

See, I've got a fuck-off plan.

I was thinking that we should...

quit our jobs

and go travelling overseas.

-Backpacking?

-Yeah.

We could go to La Tomatina - that thing that I was telling you about.

-Where they throw tomatoes at you?

-Yeah!

It'd be crazy. We could do the whole European thing.

We could ride bikes and sleep under bridges and...

And eat bread and cheese and stay up all night and shag.

Hm?

Are you stoned?

No, I'm just excited.

Look, I think...

I think it's a beautiful idea.

-If I was your age, then, you know...

-I don't see what age has to do with it.

Maybe you should go with your friends.

Yeah. I don't want to go with my friends, I want to go with you.

You're too young to be tied down.

I'm not tied down. That's the whole point of travelling, is that you're free.

PHONE RINGS

I thought you wanted to do something different.

I just...

I'm just trying to figure out if...

Yeah?

Mm?

Where you're at right now.

I'm here, cooking you soup.

-The network is not happy.

-I'm going to grab a coffee. Can I do that?

-Have a cigarette while you're at it, cos you are fuckin' tense.

-I quit.

Don't quit smoking now - have pity on me.

They've got big notes on that breakdown you did yesterday.

-I haven't even signed off on that yet.

-Dylan sent it to me.

-Anouk, spoken to Coo...

-Who authorised you to send the breakdown to Cooper?

-Er, Cooper did.

-Well, Cooper is not in charge of my script department and neither are you.

Hey. Hey. I can't talk, it's mental.

-Present.

-Thanks.

-Lost my guitar lead.

-Shit!

Hi.

Didn't know you were coming, but...der!

Er, this is Richie.

-Rhys invited us at Hector's barbecue.

-Like I could forget it.

-That was a horrible day. I can't stop thinking about it.

-It's been pretty horrible for Aisha.

Yeah.

I love Aisha - she's...

She's just great. Just love her.

-Do you want a drink?

-Yeah, course.

I'll buy you guys a drink.

Thanks.

Did they fight? I mean...afterwards?

I really don't think that's any of your business.

Guess you've known them for ages.

I was with Aisha when she met Hector.

-Thanks for coming.

-SCREAMING

# I watch sometimes in broken light

# The perfect lines of promised nights

# Taking fear

# And bury more when we're done

# They're wasted days

# Leaving marks where you travel the scene

# And setting our walks out front

# And me... #

Do you think Hector's depressed?

Is that what he tells you? I wouldn't buy it, personally.

No. I don't even like him.

# ..Leaving marks where you travel the scene

# Setting our walks out front

# And me... #

CHEERING

Thanks. Cheers.

This next song is for my beautiful girl Anouk.

Anouk. Anouk, where are you?

BAND STRIKES UP

CHEERING

# Put me in your suitcase

# So let me help you pack

# Cos you're never coming back

# No, you're never coming back

# Cook me in your breakfast

# And put me on your plate

# Cos you know it tastes great

# Yeah, you know it tastes great

# At the hop it's greaseball heaven

# With Candypants and Archie, too

# Put me in your dry dreams

# Put me in your wet

# If you haven't yet

# If you haven't yet. #

Vodka, Nouk?

What's her name? Hector's prick tease?

Oh, ssh. Don't!

Hey, do you guys want a drink? Do you want a drink?

-Yeah.

-Yeah? Right.

I really want to talk to you.

Huh?

Why aren't you drinking?

Oh, you two together! Come on, let's get a little bit of a snappy.

Gorgeous little things. Come on.

< RETCHING

DANCE MUSIC PULSATES

Hi, Mum. How you doing?

Did they send somebody over?

No?! Did they ring?

Oh, I'm just at a party. Hold on a sec.

Is that better?

Do you need anything?

What?

Cos I am sick of talking about it already.

He did not get bashed, Mum.

Yep. Yep.

Yep, OK. Bye.

Hey! Hey. Come and sit with us.

Mmm.

See you tomorrow.

Why can't you just stay?

Have a drink with us.

My mum's run out of her medication - I've got to go to the chemist.

At 11 at night?

And I've got five scripts to read and that fuck-knob Dylan wants my job.

Oh! Work, work, work. Come on. Stay, hang out with us.

DANCE MUSIC PULSATES

-I can't listen to this music.

-Do you want me to come with you?

You're having fun, it's your big night.

Stay... have fun with me.

Rhys... just not feeling fun now.

I've got to go.

OK, well I'll come over after, OK?

See how you feel. You might just want to pass out here.

LAUGHTER FROM DOWNSTAIRS

MOBILE RINGS

DOOR SLAMS

-Hi.

-I needed that medicine last night.

Then maybe you shouldn't fire everybody.

You're lucky I even found you a new carer. His name's Ben.

-He'll come by this afternoon, but you're scraping the bottom of the barrel.

-Good.

Why is that good? Why is it good to be so difficult that you're left with no options?

You begged me to move to Melbourne but I never see you.

I have to work, I can't take care of everybody.

-I can barely remember my name at the end of the week.

-Rosie has time to see me.

She has Hugo, a lot of stress right now. And she's not even my daughter.

-It's always Rosie.

-Oh, you just always hated sharing with her.

Yes, you've told me. I'm selfish.

-Do you want a cinnamon roll?

-No.

You don't even have five minutes to have a cup of tea?

What's this?

-Some treats for you.

-Oh!

Somebody at work said it's Purim apparently.

What do TV people know about Purim?

Apparently nothing.

Gee, since when did I give a shit about Purim anyway?

I can't eat this stuff. This stuff's it's infectious, you should take it back.

I can't take it back, it's cheese. You can't take cheese back.

-Mum, it's burning!

-Oh, shit.

God! Let me, let me!

Oh, shit. Erm... it spurted out.

It's fine. It's fine. It's fine.

Let me help.

Promise me if I get any worse than this, you'll put me down.

This isn't bad. It's fine.

I mean it. Promise me you'll shoot me.

Or inject me.

Something.

Don't leave me with strangers.

Mum, do we have to talk about this right now?

-Here, I'm just going to wash...

-Promise.

How can I promise something like that? I can't promise that.

I'll ask Rosie then.

Rosie's a pacifist, Mum. She's not going to kill you, unless she loves you to death.

You don't understand her at all.

I'm just going to get you some knickers.

Anouk?

Eh, five or six. Tania, that's yours.

-That's our casting issue so we went and got...

-You need to get here on time.

-My mother had an emergency.

-No offence, but I have no interest in your mother.

Yeah, I know, I'm a dickhead.

Oh, by the way, this Ep 327 story you've outlined for Rhys...

-Way too complicated.

-Why, because he has to walk and talk at the same time?

Can't play subtext.

-Maybe you shouldn't underestimate him?

-Yeah?

Maybe you shouldn't be sleeping with him.

What do you reckon Dylan?

Can I see you outside for a sec, Cooper?

What the fuck?

Look mate, whatever's happening with you right now,

all I see is you're letting things slip.

You're losing focus. People feel it, I feel it.

-You're meant to be on set.

-Sorry mate, I'm really sorry.

-I guess he was looking after your mum too.

-Excuse me?

We are not a shitting ground for your mid life crisis Anouk.

And this thing with Rhys? Come on, it's desperate.

Fuck you!

I'll cross that concern off your list cos I quit.

-You can't quit, you're on contract.

-Just watch me.

Fine. Fuck you too!

Rosie. Didn't know that you were coming.

-Well, Aish said you needed to talk.

-Yeah, I did say that.

-Did you know a new carer showed up at Rachel's?

-Yeah, I organised a new carer.

-You know how she hates...

-Feel free to organise something else.

Hector was late...

Ladies! I so need a drink.

Excuse you!

Wow. How old were they?

-God knows. Could've been 16 looking like hookers. 12.

-Probably don't even exist to them.

Well, I do exist and I want it acknowledged when they crash into me.

So what's the big news?

-I quit my job.

-Oh, you didn't?

You did?

Why?

Because you can't undo telling somebody to go and fuck themselves when they happen to be your boss.

What do you do for money?

Oh... I've got weeks of holiday pay owing but you know...

I'll probably regret it but... hey.

-You going to write the novel?

-Actually I don't know what I'm going to do, Aish.

-What do you mean you don't know?

-I don't know.

Is this the novel that's about us?

Are you really going to write that thing?

Yeah, I've already started writing it.

It's about three girls who fuck a lot of guys to figure themselves out.

-I'm joking.

-Oh, fuck me!

-What a week.

-You don't know the half of it.

I know. They're pressing charges against Harry.

Jesus can I... I so don't want to talk about this.

Well, you can't keep avoiding it, Anouk.

I don't think you should've gone to the police. Can we please change the subject?

-My son was bashed.

-Bashed?

Harry did not bash Hugo. Bashed, that's like a kid's word.

He hit him, he assaulted him. It's illegal.

The police are taking it very seriously.

-Please say something to her.

-It's her choice.

-Fine then, I'm going to be a witness for Harry and Sandi.

-Oh!

-You saw that man assault Hugo.

-You want to know what I saw?

-I saw Harry reprimand Hugo.

-You said you didn't see anything.

No one deserves to be hit, Anouk, let alone a child.

-We all wanted to slap Hugo that day.

-That's a horrible thing to say.

And it's not horrible that she might ruin Harry and Sandi's lives

-because Gary has to be the victim?

-Just shut it Anouk.

-Or somebody's bored?

Is that it, Rosie? Gary's just feeling a bit bored, he wants a bit of drama in his life.

Hugo's problem is not that Harry gave him a slap,

-Hugo's problem is that you and Gary let him act like an absolute brat.

-That's enough!

I have never seen you discipline him. You never give him boundaries.

-He's learnt he can act like a total monster...

-That's enough!

You've never been interested in our children.

You made that clear over the years, so don't assume

you can start being an authority now.

Yeah.

What do I know about kids?

I'm so sorry, Rosie.

You really upset me, Anouk.

I should've just kept my mouth shut.

Brought you some stuff, too.

Gary's building Hugo a cubby.

Mum's been going on about euthanasia.

-She always does.

-Does she?

Yeah, she likes to feel in control. Thanks, Anouk.

Yeah, us Rosens hate being out of control.

I know you don't like how close we are,

but, you know, I-I can help out with things, you know,

as stuff goes on.

I know you will.

I just feel like I should do it.

She would love that.

She thinks I'm selfish.

She thinks you're smart, talented and funny.

And sometimes you are selfish!

I'm pregnant, Rosie.

Aish didn't say.

She doesn't know.

I haven't told anybody.

Wow, hey?!

I didn't think you wanted to.

I thought... I thought you weren't going to do that.

Well, I wasn't trying...

if that's what you mean.

But now, you know...

Well, it's obviously my last chance.

I don't want to get stuck in some kind of perpetual adolescence.

And Rhys...

..he's fun...

..and kind.

And I know he's young.

God, he's so young!

But I think he'd probably make a great father.

And he loves me.

And I don't have to be the same kind of mother that Rachel was.

You know, just always what I thought would happen.

And I'd be too tough on it and push it away

and somehow turn it into this...

..terrified...

Don't they say that having a child makes you

more forgiving of your mother?

Well...

I could use that.

And maybe it would help us.

What do you mean?

You and Aisha. You're so close with your kids,

and sometimes I'm sick of being the one that's not a part of that,

and I feel like you just look at me like...

I don't know.

And how am I meant to be a great writer

if I haven't even had that experience?

Oh, fuck!

Fuck, why does it have to be so fucking hard to make a decision?

All I do all day is make decisions.

It could be the best thing that's ever happened.

In a way, maybe.

You sound like you're trying to convince yourself.

I am.

I'm trying to convince myself.

Listen to me, Anouk.

Don't worry about what you think you should do.

What do you want to do?

I want to write my book.

Can I bum one of those?

There you go.

Are you all right?

Do you need anything? Some juice?

-I just want to sleep.

-Yeah.

Thank you.

Aish...

..I'm so sorry I didn't tell you.

Me too.

I'm sorry too.

Just sleep.

Hey.

Hi.

-Did Aisha ring you?

-No, I found out myself.

I'm sorry, I didn't know what to say.

Oh, it doesn't matter, we'll do it our own way.

I love you.

What are you talking about?

Baby. It hit me last night. I mean, you haven't been drinking,

you've been vomiting, and your boobs are huge.

I'm not pregnant.

There's not going to be any baby.

Why?

It wouldn't have worked.

What do you mean?

I knew you'd convince me somehow, and...

We didn't even talk about it.

You should go to Tomatina, that's what you want to do.

It's not your decision. I mean, didn't I have a say?

I'm sorry, it was my decision. I don't have a job, my mother's sick.

Please don't cry.

I'm not crying.

I guess you always had a way out.

-Rhys.

-You could just say, "Oh, he's too young."

I don't even give a shit about our age...

Oh, bullshit!

I'm so sorry.

I did this for us.

You're not ready for this.

Don't you dare tell me what I'm ready for. How the fuck would you know?!

I mean, how the fuck would you know?

Are you staying?

Fucking write, then.

# Put me in your suitcase

# Let me help you pack

# Cos you're never coming back

# No, you're never coming back

# Cook me in your breakfast

# Put me on your plate

# Cos you know I'll taste great

# Yeah, you know I'll taste great

# At the hop, it's greaseball heaven

# With candy pants and Archie too

# Put me in your dry dream

# Or put me in your wet If you haven't yet

# No, if you haven't yet... #

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