Connie The Slap

This programme contains some strong language and scenes of a sexual nature

We're having a party this arvo. Maybe you should come?

-If I'd have known it was your birthday, I would've got you a present.

-I want you.

That is abuse! That is child abuse!

-Do you think Hector's depressed?

-Is that what he tells you?

I wouldn't buy it personally.

No. I don't even like him.

This thing we've been doing, I'm sorry if I've been leading you on, but we've got to stop now.

Do you understand?

CONNIE AND HUGO SING

'Connie hadn't thought of Hector for 12 hours,

'admittedly eight of which she'd been sleeping.'

-RICHIE:

-Treasure hunt!

Look, Richie!

'She was disappointed to realise

'that by celebrating not thinking of Hector,

'he had somehow crept his way back into her head.

'Hector... Hector...

'Hector.'

HUGO SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY, RICHIE LAUGHS

Oh, he wants to come to the toilet with me.

-Richie!

-Yeah, what people do in the toilet is private, remember?

-No, no, no, I want to come with you!

-I'll be back in one second!

-No!

HE SIGHS

HE GROANS

-Big dick.

-HE LAUGHS

-What?

-Well, did you see it?

-No!

-Well, look, it's huge!

-Stop it!

-Connie, look at it.

-Richie...

-Look at it!

-Be careful.

-I'm home.

Mummy!

-Hello!

-Richie did a poo.

-And I watched, and it stunk.

-ROSIE LAUGHS

-How was it?

-Went good.

-Ooh, hey.

-Hey.

-Hi.

-Even if you approach someone with a threatening look, that's assault.

-Really?

-You have to have intent, too.

-It's not what Margaret said.

-Your lawyer?

-She's the police liaison person.

God, I wish I could've seen his face when they arrested him.

By all accounts he wasn't very happy.

-It's unbelievable saying he's not guilty. It happened, didn't it?

-Everybody saw it.

It'll be a huge relief when you finally get a court date.

Yeah, so true.

If they ever set a date.

I'll be happy for you when this is finally over, Rosie.

I've got to go.

-I've just made tea.

-I'm sorry, but Hector's here.

Oh, hey, love, if you're up to it,

I could really use a hand with the kids on Thursday night.

Are you babysitting again?

Oh, er, yeah, yeah, sorry, sometimes.

I won't put you on the spot. Your study's more important.

-No, I can work while they're asleep.

-Thursday OK?

I'd love to.

-I was beeping.

-Oh, sorry, we couldn't hear you.

-How did it go?

She said we definitely had a case.

Cool.

-Thanks for coming with me today.

-Of course. Wanted to be there for you. Bye, love.

God, fuck, she can be so negative.

-Friends should always be on your side.

-He's just a little boy, you know, people seem to forget that.

Did you see it?

I saw Harry's wife handing out lollies to the kids

and then when Hugo went hypo, her husband slapped him.

Would you say that for me in court?

-If we don't stand up for Hugo, no-one will.

-I guess so.

You have so much strength.

You're my lucky charm.

Huh.

-Have breakfast with me.

-I can't, I'm late.

-I've had a fabulous idea.

Spill.

-Don't go to school today.

-Are you sick?

I told work I have a rash.

-You couldn't have thought of anything less embarrassing?

-We could go shopping.

What do you think? Girls' day out.

-I'm sorry, I'm really behind in history.

-Oh.

I brought you up too well.

-We'll go out tonight?

-OK. Don't.

All right, do.

-No, you haven't eaten enough.

-INDISTINCT COMMENT

You have to take some of my toast.

-I got some!

-No, have some more.

What are we doing tonight?

I'M hanging out with Tash.

Tomorrow?

I'm babysitting.

-Who for?

-Hector.

I'm SO coming!

-Hey, fag.

-Hey!

It stinks in here.

HE SNIFFS

You reek of cum.

Leave us alone. Don't listen to them, they're pigs.

-So you coming to my party?

-I can't commit, I've go so much on.

-You'll be there.

-I said maybe!

-Hey.

-You're totally going.

What you don't understand, Tina, is that I love him,

emphatically.

No, I understand, BELIEVE me.

But unfortunately for me, Jordan still loves Veronica Freckle.

Veronica Freckle!

-Connie Laing, what are you laughing at?

-Nothing.

He's misunderstood,

which I find totally fuckable, by the way.

-Are you going to his party?

-Probably not.

-What do you think they're trying to say exactly?

-Bitches like this.

WOMEN SPEAK IN NATIVE TONGUE

You should come.

It's going to be huge. The whole school's going.

We weren't invited.

Well, I'm inviting you.

'If her house caught fire,

'the first thing Connie saved would be these letters.

'"Dear sister,

'"I am writing to ask you to take care of my daughter Connie,

'"who is my life.

'"I am dying,

'"but I am hoping for the love and affection that you have shown me,

'"will also extend to your niece,

'"my Connie."'

-How's your rash?

-I went to work.

-Shame!

Have you got much homework?

A little.

I was thinking we could go to the movies. Your choice.

-We get pork dumplings in Chinatown.

-Pork dumplings, highway to my heart!

Give us a kiss, I'll make us a cup of tea.

Thank you.

Was your dad a punk?

Sort of. He taught me how to wear eyeliner.

Your parents are really hot.

You think everyone's hot.

-No, I don't, my mum's not hot.

-Your mum's cool.

Yeah, she's a bogun.

-Careful.

-HE TUTS

-I can feel it on my eyeball.

-Good.

Done!

-What are you doing?

-Googling famous orphans.

Oh, my God.

Marilyn Monroe - hot.

John Lennon - hot.

-Mandela...

-Eew!

Old, oh.

Er, Steve Jobs -

not hot, but really rich.

John Keats...

He's a poet.

I know. Hot.

Malcolm X - hot.

I have orphan envy.

Oh, I'm trying my hardest to feel sorry for you(!)

-No, you're not.

-SHE GIGGLES

I, er... I saw Hector at the pool.

When?

He's there a lot.

Did you talk to him?

No!

I've nothing to say.

Well, I've got to go.

-Why can't I come babysitting?

-You're distracting!

Well, I... I won't talk for the whole night, promise.

Well, I've got to study.

You can come next time, I promise.

Hey.

-Hi. Nice car.

-Yeah, thanks.

-Cool.

-I, er didn't see you arrive.

-Oh, I walked.

-I was busy...tuning my radio.

I also got the bus so...

-Aish is inside.

-Oh, yeah.

Hector! Hector!

-Oh, where did that man disappear to?

-Mum!

-Yes, I'm coming.

He's in the car.

Harry gave it to him, so of course it constantly needs fixing

-which gives him another reason to come over...

-Mum.

-Don't tell Rosie that.

-It'll upset her.

-Oh.

You're growing up.

Rosie keeps telling me how supportive you are.

-I'll just change my shirt.

-Can you take Connie through dinner?

I've got to cut the brush out of Melissa's hair. Upstairs. If it keeps happening...

Now, number's by the phone.

I have your number already.

Let's see, er...

bolognese. You heat it up in the microwave.

Got the spaghetti, er...

saucepan, water, stove.

Wall, ceiling, tea towel.

Erm, to use the microwave, you open it here, er...

set your time here

and, er, just press start.

-I know how to use a microwave.

-OK, so I'm ready.

So there's no eating on the couch, there's ice-cream

and fruit for dessert, but they must eat their fruit.

-Half hour reading before bed. Lights out at 8:30.

-Yep, sure.

-We'll be at Manolis and Koula's, you've got our numbers.

-Have fun.

-Oh, it's going to be hilarious, isn't it(?)

-Bye, Connie.

Keys?

Oh, I thought you had 'em.

There's something...

that I need to tell you.

'I thought it would sort itself out,

'but you know with Jack's wedding coming up...'

-Can we have our ice-cream?

-Ssh!

-'You worry too much, Tobin...'

-Please?

-'Jack and Jill are ancient history.'

-Have you eaten your fruit?

-No.

You can have more fruit, but no ice-cream.

'Yeah, it's not that.

'I think I'm in love with you...AND Alicia.'

-Dad lets me, it's...

-Shut up, Adam!

-'Used to be great...'

-Give it to me.

-Give it back!

-Stop it.

-Connie!

-Get off.

-I have your dad's number right here.

I can call him, I don't mind, you can ask.

'..love surfing and skating, but not the same way, you know.

'I mean, I couldn't live without surfing or skating, or you.'

How can you be in love with two women at the same time?

'Oh, but...great, you know.'

Mum's right, if I don't turn up, we're not taking anyone's side,

-we'll be neutral again. It's perfect.

-You'll be subpoenaed!

-No, they won't, they'll fine me and Harry can pay the fine.

-It...

It's not school or church or detention, Hector, it's court.

You saw what you saw, that's all you have to say.

Not if I'm not there!

You always do exactly what your mother tells you to do.

It's so infuriating.

They're old, you could be easier on them.

Your mother will outlive us all.

They worry about what this whole thing has done to our family, OK?

What about me, my family? Rosie is my oldest friend.

You need to stop encouraging your friend to be a victim.

-What?!

-You said everything always goes wrong for Rosie, she's a magnet for bad luck.

-I've never said that!

-If you were truly her friend, you'd tell her to move on.

Sorry, sweetheart, things took a little longer than expected.

-Are you OK?

-Yeah, it's fine, I don't mind.

-Hector's going to drive you home - I've got a bit of a migraine.

-OK.

Come on, then.

JAZZ PLAYS

I've converted you.

To what?

Jazz.

You have.

I...

-I downloaded that album you... you told me about.

-Oh, you did?

Oh, good.

-And?

-Yeah, I like it.

I think.

You know that record's famous because Coltrane was having trouble

with his teeth when he wrote it. He said his teeth hurt so much that

he was forced to blow softer and more calmly than normal.

Wow.

Yeah.

Connie...

You have really green eyes.

I'm sorry, this keeps happening.

You keep kissing me.

That's cos I like you.

You're different.

-Jazz is for...

-MUSIC STOPS

..middle-aged men, Connie.

Sorry. Money, I forgot.

Yeah, here, er...

-..take 50.

-Thanks, but it's 80.

Yeah, right.

Keep the, er... Keep the 100.

HE MOANS SOFTLY

(I want you to want me.)

HE MOANS SOFTLY THROUGHOUT

SHE MOANS SHARPLY

SHE MOANS REPEATEDLY

You OK?

I'm not going to tell anybody.

You should go inside.

I'm fine, really.

See you soon?

How's Rosie and Gary?

Erm, they fight a lot.

Yeah, well... the whole thing's consumed them.

It's a terrible thing that happened to Hugo.

-Harry had no right to slap him.

-You think?

Isn't that what you think?

Yeah.

Harry should never have slapped Hugo,

but he needs discipline.

He was out of control that day.

Harry's got a dangerous temper.

But he apologised and I think that, you know,

Rosie and Gary should've accepted it for Hugo's sake.

No-one's behaved very well in any of this.

-DOG BARKS

-Got to be careful with the penicillin.

-I'm sorry!

-It stings, huh?

-I'm usually fine, I...

-Did you get any?

-No.

OK, well, now I'll hold him for you.

Give you another one.

-DOG WHINES

-There you go.

Right? You ready?

Connie?

-Oh, sorry.

-You OK?

-Yeah, I...

-You OK?

-Yeah.

-What's wrong?

It's nothing, erm...

Do you want to talk?

I'm fine, it's fine.

You know you're wonderful.

I appreciate everything you do here.

BEEPING AS SHE ENTER NUMBER ON PHONE

DIALLING TONE

'You've called Hector Sossidis, can't take your call right...'

-You walk around with your blouse undone to your navel.

-I believe in baby-led weaning, Richie.

-He's not a baby, Rosie, he's a boy!

-I'm waiting for him to wean himself. Don't offer, don't refuse,

-And you don't wear a bra.

-OK.

-I thought you'd be at parenting class already.

-Hey, Connie.

-We're late, can you hurry up?

-How is he supposed to wean himself off it

-when he's got his breakfast boobies dangling in his face all day?

-It's perfectly natural to breastfeed.

-It's not.

-It's just our fucked-up Western culture that puts prohibitions on women.

He will give up when he wants to. All right?

-And I've got a bra.

-A

-bra.

-I've got a bra.

-A bra.

-I've got a bra.

-They're making breastfeeding compulsory, it was on the news.

-See?

-You know what it's like?

Like following me around with a bowl of butter chicken.

There's only so much a man can refuse.

-You'd do well to refuse a lot of things.

-All right, OK.

-I'll give up drinking when Hugo gives up drinking, how about that?

-Oh, sure, yeah!

What do you reckon, Richie?

Must have an opinion on the matter?

Oh...I like butter chicken.

-See?

-Get in the car...

-Everyone likes butter chicken.

-..I'll be waiting for you.

-We all love butter chicken!

Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!

-What happened?!

-Help me!

I think this might be...

-They're all stuck together!

-Well, what were you doing?

Nothing. It just fell out and now I've lost one.

-How can you tell?

-Doesn't matter, just help me.

Aah!

Aah!

SO bored!

-I hate my life.

-You do not.

-I love you, though, come here.

-Ew! Get off.

-Everyone's so boring.

I'm so depressed, nothing ever happens.

Veronica thinks something's going to happen. She is going to kill you.

Why?

-Did you sleep with Jordan?!

-She's his mistress.

-Oh!

THEY GIGGLE

I'd like to own a little piggy named Veronica Brentnall. Fatty!

THEY SNORT AND LAUGH

Meant to be studying together and all he kept talking about was Veronica!

Piggy Veronica!

He was so sad and he was so sweet, you know, I just had to fuck him.

-Oh, you're so supportive(!)

-You know you have to come to his party.

-Please?

-Ah, I'm...

-Connie, please, I need you to be there!

I need back-up, please?

-All right.

-You want any?

-My brother's getting some for us.

-How much?

-25. Yeah!

Thank you.

Seven, 7.50, seven, seven, 7.90.

-I'll give you 40 cents at school tomorrow.

-Oh, whoa, I said 25.

-But I only want a third.

-I don't want your shit change!

-Why should I pay for a full one,

when you know I'm going to fall asleep?

-She does always fall asleep.

-Shut up!

-Yes, you do!

My dad said it works better if you stick it up your bum.

Your dad sticks his up his bum?

He said you've got to stick your finger up, then up and over and onto the shelf.

-Ooh!

-Oh, my God.

-Connie!

-Ewww, that is so gross.

-Hi, Melissa.

-Dad, Dad, look!

-..And you've got to do all your homework, mate.

-Dad!

I'll just be a second.

-Connie, hi.

-Hi.

-How are you?

Good. Busy.

Good.

Yeah, yeah, I'm busy, too.

I thought you must be.

-How's the car?

-Yeah, good...

yeah, yeah, nothing to report.

-Not today, anyway.

-Connie, come meet Tina's new boyfriend!

We better go - ice-cream.

S-sorry.

-Bye, Connie.

-Bye, kids.

-Bye.

-Bye.

-Bye.

BELL RINGS

-Hey.

-Hi.

-Can you tell her I'm here?

-Oh, she's in surgery.

Oh.

I'll tell her you're waiting.

Been watching Ocean Grove.

I quit.

-How's Rhys?

-We broke up.

Oh, erm, sorry.

Why?

I don't know, sorry.

People break up for a lot of different reasons.

Uh...

So are you seeing anyone at the moment, Connie?

Not at the moment.

Hey!

Come out back while I get changed.

I want to hear about your problems. I LOVE your problems.

I don't want to bore you, but I will say that I'm beside myself

-to be going out with you tonight.

-Champagne fixes everything!

The last person I want to be around is Hector. We had another fight.

-What about?

-Oh, Greece!

AISH CHUCKLES

Apparently, Harry is planning on joining us.

That'll make things interesting!

-Hector's known about it and he didn't even say anything.

-Cos he knew you'd say no fucking way!

-Which is exactly what I said.

-Good.

-Are you out tonight, Connie?

Yeah, I'm going to a party with my friends.

Oh, to be 17 again!

-We were so naughty at your age.

-We haven't changed that much.

-You haven't.

-Huh.

Well, a party sounds like fun.

-Yeah, hopefully. Enjoy the champagne.

-Thank you.

Hey, Aish.

-You go, I'll lock up.

-Really?

-Yeah, she's right.

-It didn't look like it would suit me.

-It's perfect.

-Do you think Dad would've liked it?

-I know he did.

I made it for your mother.

Your mum and dad would love to know you right now, Connie.

They'd be so proud of who you are.

Want to wear them tonight for luck.

I'll make you some dinner...

and a milkshake to line your stomach,

especially if you're taking your father out with you.

-What are you going to do?

-Curl up on the couch with my doona,

eat caramel ice-cream out of the tub and watch re-runs of The Bill.

I want tonight to be perfect.

It will be.

'There's not a boy on this earth who could resist you in that dress. You look absolutely kissable.'

Connie, are...are you OK?

I think I left my phone charger.

Oh, shit, yeah, sure, come on in.

-Remember where you last saw it?

-Er, in the kitchen?

Kitchen, eh?

-Let me call Aish...

-No! Erm...

DIALLING TONE

You could offer me a drink.

My phone charger's at home.

Connie...

-..you should go.

-Please don't say that, not yet.

-< MELISSA:

-Daddy?

-Daddy?

-Wait.

Look, Connie...

-I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry.

-Please don't be sorry, not to me.

-If I could take it back, I'd...

-Please don't take it back.

Shit, Connie, I... I have a family!

The kids are just in bed.

-This is a mistake.

-We'll be quiet, I can wait.

It's not what I meant.

You're 17, Connie.

I'm 40.

-I don't care how old you are.

-Tell me, Connie,

have you thought about how this works? I mean, are we...

going to hang out at the mall with your friends? Do I come by and pick you up at school?

-Don't patronise me.

-What about Aisha?

I want you.

I'm not the one you're looking for.

-I think I love you.

-Stop it!

I can't think of anything else.

I...do...not...love...you, Connie.

I will never love you.

I don't even know you.

HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYS

Oh, hey! Ha-ha, you're here!

You OK?

You made an effort.

-Wish I wore my jeans.

-Beer?

Where have you been? The Logies?

Hector's house.

Bitch!

-You took it!

-Well, who cares? Neither of us are going to get him.

Connie, stop. Please.

-Let go of me, I'll scream my head off!

-Well, what...what...

-what's wrong with you?

-I shouldn't have come.

-Why did you?

Hector raped me.

He kept saying, "I love you, Connie,

"I love you," over and over.

I hate him.

-I fucking hate him.

-Well, we need to go to the police.

-No! No...

What about Aisha? She has to know!

No! Nobody.

Nobody has to know.

OK?

Promise me, Richie.

Promise me!

SHE WAILS

-Jenna, what's wrong, what's wrong?!

-What's wrong with her?

Jordan's in the bedroom with Veronica Bretnall.

I don't know why you're smiling. I'm really upset! Look!

I'm not smiling!

Can you help Tina, right? She's pinging off her head.

-INDISTINCT COMMENT

-No, she can't, we're going.

I'm staying.

-No, we need to figure something out.

-I just want to forget about it!

-I look like shit.

-You look hot.

I am so fucked.

-Sweet!

-Are you taking my dress off? GIGGLING

You sure you want to stick it up your arse, Connie?

You do!

-What, did say something?

-LAUGHTER

Guys, let's take a bath!

How great are your tits in that dress?

Sexy.

Kiss me, Connie.

Shit!

-THEY LAUGH

-Guys!

Lesos!

-Oh, my God.

-You, like, made out.

Yeah, it was hot.

Oh, my God! I'm REALLY high!

I can feel every blade on my body.

Think she's feeling better.

Yeah, she's sleeping off her 7.90 again.

This is carpet.

We haven't got any left.

Oh, it's toilet carpet.

Ah, stop, stop!

You're really beautiful, Connie.

You're different.

Am I?

-You OK?

-Yeah.

Ali's taking me home.

Just get my jumper.

What's wrong?

Nothing, you're just so normal.

Sometimes you're just so fucking unbelievably normal!

-I'll call you tomorrow.

-Don't.

See you, Richie.

How will you get home?

-Just walk.

-It's a long way.

Can I have your number?

Yeah! SHE LAUGHS

'"My dear sister,

'"thank you for agreeing to care for Connie in my absence.

'"She is too young to understand what's happening, but in time.

'"she'll need to know,

'"and I'm happy that YOU will be the one to explain.

'"Tell her about the good times as well as the painful times.

'"Tell her that her father

'"for all of his failings,

'"loved her.'"

'Connie fell into a deep, deep sleep.

'She would go on to sleep all day until dark,

'getting up briefly to feed on ice-cream with her aunt,

'blissfully unaware of the trouble she had just created.'

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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