Deerly Departed Armchair Detectives

Do you sit at home watching detective shows?

Think you could do better than Marple, Poirot and Colombo?

Welcome to the TV show with only one question.

Whodunnit?

This is Armchair Detectives,

the show where these 15 murder mystery enthusiasts

try and solve a deadly crime by the end of today's programme.

They're placed smack bang in the middle of a murder case

in the beautiful fictional town of Mortcliff.

Helping them is our crack investigations team.

There they are.

DI Knight, DC Slater and SOCO Simmons.

Before we head to Mortcliff,

let's meet our Armchair Detectives.

-Hello. ALL:

-Hi.

It gets more and more cheerful every day!

"Oh, there's another murder!

"Hurrah!"

Now, only three of you play each day.

So, please take your armchairs, Gregor, Krystyna and James.

Come on up!

Welcome, Armchair Detectives.

Gregor. Toria won yesterday.

Do you think you're going to win today?

I'm not sure if I'll win, but I will get a trophy.

OK, OK.

Krystyna, who is your favourite fictional detective?

I'm half-Italian, so I like Inspector Montalbano.

Oh, absolutely. Lovely.

I'm fully-Scottish,

so I love Taggart.

James, what's your job?

I'm a detective.

So do you think that's going to help you today, James?

Well, I'd like to hope so.

Because I'm not just playing for a little trophy.

I'm also playing to keep my job!

Armchair Detectives,

guess today's killer correctly,

and you'll get to win one of these.

A golden magnifying glass.

-ALL:

-Ooh!

It's time for round one.

The Crime Scene.

Knight, Slater and Simmons are in the forest.

But will they be able to see the wood for the trees?

Notepads at the ready.

Let's head over to Mortcliff.

-Afternoon, guv.

-Hello.

SOCO is in the forest,

about a 15-minute walk away.

There's no mobile signal out there.

This is Colin Proust.

He discovered the body.

Poor Joe.

Mr Proust, DI Knight, DC Slater.

Would you please stay with the officer

and we'll talk to you shortly.

Sure, I will do.

Thanks.

Well, Simmons. These forest sojourns of yours

are becoming a bit of a habit, aren't they?

Convening with nature, DI Knight.

All part of the job.

This is where the body was found.

Appears to be Joe Jenkins.

Male, 50s, dressed for the outdoors.

I never get used to this.

Not all nature smells rosy.

How do you cope?

You do get used to it.

He appears to have died from a broken neck.

Probably from falling into the pit.

He has no body heat.

There's no rigor mortis, so he's been out here for a while.

How long?

Well, his skin is all blotchy and marbled.

And judging by the look of lividity on the side of his body,

I'd say...

..maybe three days?

So he died on Thursday?

We'll have a better idea of exactly when, when we get him to the lab.

Anything else?

He had a few hairs on his clothing.

There was

a pair of binoculars next to him,

with a broken strap

and a mobile phone.

But the battery is flat.

Colin, is it? You knew the victim?

Aye... We weren't best friends or anything.

I only recognised him from his jacket.

He's a ranger here.

Presumably you live nearby?

I run the local butcher shop.

Me and my daughter. We buy deer meat, venison, from Joe.

Occasionally, I saw him out and about in the forest.

We exchanged pleasantries, but that was it.

How did you find the body?

Well, technically it was Trent here who'd found it.

We were out on our daily walk,

when he started yapping like mad and pulling on his lead and...

It's not like him at all.

Did you or the dog disturb the scene at all?

No. Trent's always on a lead.

So as not to scare the deer.

One of Joe's rules.

Do you know anything about Joe's work?

Mainly that he was here as

a... A sort of...

..protector, I suppose.

Needed, too...

Some beautiful species in the woods.

There's always been a problem with poaching.

Have you heard of Ralph Moore?

Should we?

Yeah. Perhaps.

Joe was responsible for him going to jail for poaching.

Apparently, he's back in the area.

I swear, if Trent the dog isn't one of the suspects in this show,

I'm going to be disappointed.

I'm always after the dog did it, totally.

-Always after the dog did it.

-Always the dog did it.

I found it strange there was a rope ladder leading down to the hole.

The hole didn't seem that deep, where you would need a ladder.

I thought forensics put it there.

Don't think the dog actually found the body.

OK.

It's got definitely something to do with deer.

He's the ranger at the woods.

He's protecting the deer.

He does sometimes sell it to the butcher shop.

But I think it has got something to do with the poaching of it, possibly.

I think he's disturbed something.

Right. Well, today we are

investigating the death of Joe Jenkins.

Joe was 50 years old

and a forest ranger.

He was licensed to hold and fire

guns and he had no criminal record.

Joe divorced five years ago.

The cause of death is a suspected major fall, causing him a

catastrophic cervical fracture, commonly known as a broken neck.

It's believed Joe died three days before his body was found.

Licensed gunman.

But from what I heard, there wasn't a gun found on scene.

I think he's the secret poacher.

You think he's the secret poacher?

-You've just jumped straight in there?

-He's a forest ranger.

-Yes.

-He's got access to the woods, anyway.

-Mmm-hmm.

He's a licensed gunman.

I think he shoots all the venison and takes it along in his...

-Gets money that way, down the back door.

-OK.

It's good to sometimes just jump straight in with an accusation against the victim.

LAUGHTER

-James?

-SOCO Simmons mentioned that there was three hairs found on the

body as well, so that's interesting.

Has he been pushed?

And whose are those hairs?

Right, let's go over to the suspects' board just now.

We've got two suspects to look at so far.

We have Colin Proust, who's the butcher.

And Ralph Moore, who we've yet to meet.

Gregor, we've not met Ralph yet.

We haven't, but we have heard from Colin that Ralph was sent to jail

because of Joe, and he is now out.

But Colin was very quick to give forth that information.

So, right now I'd like to know a little more about Colin.

I agree with Gregor that Colin was very forthwith with that information.

And it was spoon-fed to us, rather than us digging.

But I am intrigued about Ralph and I'd like to know a little bit more

-about Ralph.

-Well, let's see if we can help you out.

Because, of course, during the show,

you'll get to look at various pieces of evidence.

And you get a piece of evidence now to interrogate a little bit closer.

Here it is. So, these are the binoculars found at the crime scene.

And if you look closely at them, the strap on them is...

-What do you think?

-Yeah, I think there's been a struggle and

either they've been ripped off him, torn off him.

They've been dented. Yeah, there's been a struggle, probably, has gone on.

-Something going on there.

-It doesn't look like it joins together.

There's scuff marks on them.

-On the centre.

-They are a bit dirty.

-Yeah.

-Well-worn...

Yeah, but the lens at the top on the left-hand side looks a bit wonky.

-Yeah, it is, it's twisted.

-Or is that my eyes?

No, the lens on the left's twisted.

Yeah. It is. The lens is weird, isn't it?

OK, well, now it's time for round two, Last Movements.

Let's see what happened when Joe Jenkins visited Mortcliff's premier

butchers, the Meat And Greet.

BELL TINKLES

Hi, Joe. What can I get you?

Sonya, I'll have 12 of your finest pork sausages, please.

Sure thing, coming right up. How are tricks?

I would hardly call the protection of a

myriad of wildlife species - "tricks".

Of course not. Sorry, I didn't mean to offend.

Which species is at risk today?

I have evidence of egg poaching.

Soft-boiled or hard?

You won't be laughing when our ospreys become extinct.

Someone's targeting their nests.

We're looking at a massive decline in the osprey population.

That's why I need the sausages.

Cook them up, pack a bag, go into

the forest, live there...

..until I track down the thief and bring him or her to justice.

-Any clues?

-Thanks.

I'm really close.

A few people in the mix.

Is Colin working this morning?

Nope. Dad's working this afternoon.

-He's walking Trent.

-Make sure...

He's on a lead, yes.

Yes, we do!

Who sells you your deer?

Anyone apart from the Hamish Estate?

Nope. Just you, Joe.

Our herds have been looking a little thin recently.

I think something might be going on there, too.

No-one's been in offering us anything untoward.

We'll let you know if we hear of anything.

It's possible it's the same people as the egg poachers.

Maybe not. I'm hot on their trail.

But I'm not in a position to make any accusations yet.

I'll close this down for good, though.

Arrests will be made.

I'll put those on your account.

Dad?

Joe Jenkins has been in.

Oh, he makes me sick. He said...

DOOR OPENS

I've got to go.

-Hi, Lance.

-Sonya, hello.

A pound of minced lamb or 500g?

Whichever you can sell me under whatever EU regulation.

SHE TITTERS

That and the trophy that you've been keeping safe for me.

Here's four monkeys for you.

Shall I give you a hand with the ladder?

Joe Jenkins has been in.

Thinks he has evidence of poaching.

-Did he say who?

-No.

But he said he was close.

Nah. He's an idiot.

Here, let me give you a hand.

-You OK?

-Yeah.

What's going on?!

I'm surprised the people in Mortcliff can see properly, given

all the sideways glances!

I'm sticking to the theory.

-Yes.

-I think it's definitely that the guy was poaching.

Joe's the poacher?

-See, I don't think Joe's the poacher.

-No.

-You don't think so? Oh.

-I'm not getting that...

-Joe seems very proud of what he does.

-He does.

-True.

-But Lance,

I get the feeling he's really not a big fan of Joe.

I'm thinking that Joe Jenkins,

-he's probably ruffled a few people up the wrong way.

-Uh-huh.

So, there's, a few people might have a motive.

Yeah. Well, we've got some more information and we've got two new

suspects on our board.

We have Sonya Proust, who's Colin's daughter.

And Lance Grafton, wildlife enthusiast.

We've still not met Ralph Moore.

What are you thinking about them?

-Sonya, I get the feeling she's just Daddy's daughter, but...

-Oh, do you?

See, I don't! I feel like she's orchestrating a little bit, because

she's phoning her dad to tell him, she's telling Lance,

she's helping him get the deer down.

She's taking the money off him.

-Four monkeys - is a monkey 500, am I right?

-Yes, that's correct.

Yeah, I thought monkey was 500.

So, two grand, she's getting.

-It's quite a lot of money, isn't it?

-Yeah.

Well, Armchair Detectives,

you now get to pick your evidence.

From these three choices, which one do you fancy?

We've got the forensics report on the rope ladder used at the pit,

or a deer trading licence.

And finally, the forensics report on

the hair samples found on the victim's clothes.

So, decide amongst yourselves, what would you like to see?

I really want to know the,

the hair samples,

but I'm going to be annoyed as anything if it turns out it's Trent.

-I have a formula.

-Mmm-hmm.

It's K = FMC.

Killer equals forensics, motive, connection.

Right.

So what do you think I'm going to go for?

-I don't know.

-Forensics.

-Forensics?

-All the time!

-Every time.

-So you want to go for forensics.

What do you think, Gregor and James?

I really want to go for the forensic rope ladder report.

The rope ladder forensic report.

Rope ladder forensic report.

-Rope ladder?

-Yes?

-Yeah.

-I'm with forensics. Any one of them will do.

-Any forensic will do.

THEY LAUGH

The forensic rope ladder report.

So, you've chosen to see the forensics on the rope ladder.

This was the ladder used in the hide that Joe was found in.

There is DNA on the rope, that belongs to

Lance Grafton and Ralph Moore.

Was that worth looking at, James?

It was, because it's not...

Told you forensics is important!

THEY LAUGH

It's not Colin - who found him -

so it's the one that's been released from prison,

who's Ralph Moore.

And then it's the one that gave the four monkeys to Sonya.

-Gregor?

-Can I ask what the ditch is called again? It's a hide?

-The hide.

-The hide. So it could be Joe stumbled upon it and got killed because he

found it, or he knew about it, it's just a coincidence that Lance and Ralph's there.

But Ralph's DNA on it is interesting, but it depends if it's old or new.

There is a lot of questions going around in my head right now, so...

OK, it's time to lock in your prime suspect.

Colin Proust, Ralph Moore,

Sonya Proust, or Lance Grafton.

It's not the dug.

Gregor, who's your prime suspect and why?

I've chosen Lance.

He could have known about Joe going

into the woods to look for a

possible poacher, because he entered the butcher's right

after and could have spoken to Sonya.

His DNA was found on the rope ladder

that, in the pit that Joe was found,

so right now there's more pointing

towards him than anything else, I think.

Krystyna, who have you accused as the prime suspect and why?

Well, I'm sticking with Colin.

I think him and his daughter are running some sort of illegal scam on poaching.

OK. James, who's your prime suspect and why?

Well, I've went for Sonya.

-OK.

-Yes.

-And why?

-Yeah.

There's something that's ringing alarm bells for me, for her, at the moment.

-Is it instinct?

-I think it might be instinct.

-It's your gut instinct?

-Yeah.

Let's find out some more information,

because it's on to round three now,

the Police Interviews.

Time to head back to Mortcliff Police Station, where Simmons

has some vital information for the detectives.

We've done some more work on the body.

Based upon potassium levels in the eyes,

I'd estimate the time of death to be some time on Thursday afternoon.

Cause of death was a broken neck.

He fell headfirst into the pit,

which means he must have been pushed.

Do we know that for certain?

-Couldn't he have tripped?

-Well, there was no debris around the pit.

There was nothing for him to trip over.

Good point, well made, Simmons.

The Hamish Estate, who employed Joe,

say he didn't turn up to work on Friday.

That makes sense why Thursday was the day he drew his last breath.

-Mmm.

-Also, we charged his phone,

and no calls were made to and from it on Thursday.

We've brought you here today to question you regarding the death of Joe Jenkins.

-You're kidding?

-We know you had a few run-ins with him in the past,

so we'd like to ask you where you were on Thursday afternoon.

I was home ALONE.

So he was found in the hole, then?

How do you know about the hole?

I saw it on the news.

If it's the hole I'm thinking of, well, then I think it's one of ours.

We dug holes occasionally, for twitchers.

You know, to bird-watch.

Where's the hole you're thinking of?

It's about a ten-minute walk from Sceptre Farm.

Lance Grafton was asking about it recently.

He's been using it, I reckon.

-He is...?

-A local.

He used to be a lumberjack around here.

He's familiar with the woods.

And why would he be interested in that?

He's been bird-watching, I think.

You see, he asked to borrow a drill too.

-A drill?

-Yes, well, I assume to erect a bird hide screen.

We've spoken to Ralph Moore

and he's told us that you know about a particular pit near the forest at Sceptre Farm.

Can you tell us what you were doing there?

I bird-watch from it.

I'm a...an "orthinologist".

You mean an ornithologist?

Indeed. I like watching the ospreys.

I'm afraid there's been a fatality at the pit.

Can you tell us what you were doing on Thursday?

Well, I went to the butcher in the morning.

And popped home to let a builder in,

then headed to Concido Woods for a spot of bird-watching.

But I wasn't at the pit, though.

What time were you at the woods?

I'd say about, what, 1.30?

Did you see anyone else there?

I saw no-one.

I did hear a couple of gunshots.

Who is it? Who's died?

Joe Jenkins, under suspicious circumstances.

No alibi.

Have you spoken to Sonya Proust?

We've spoken to her father, Colin.

Well, Sonya's been in loads of trouble with poaching in the past.

And I always see her in those woods.

When was the last time you saw Joe Jenkins?

On Thursday morning.

He came into the shop to buy some sausages.

He said he was worried about someone stealing eggs.

Joe was a bit of a scaremonger, if the truth be told.

It appears he had good reason to be.

What were you and your dad doing on Thursday afternoon?

Dad was at the butcher's.

-And where were you?

-I was walking Trent.

-In the woods?

-No.

You've been in trouble there before, haven't you?

"Poaching, Concido Woods,"

it says on your record.

I'm not allowed to go into Concido Woods.

I walk the dog in Dew Mead Forest.

Krystyna, your face, I love it.

Both of us at the same time went...

LAUGHTER

-James?

-Right, working the way back,

Sonya's obviously got history for poaching in the woods.

She's said that she's not got an alibi for Thursday afternoon

because she's out walking the dog.

So there's no-one to corroborate her alibi.

Well, for me, I'm interested in Lance.

He said he was meeting a builder.

He asked to borrow a drill. Now, was this for the builder?

Was this for some other use?

And he then admitted he did go to the woods, where he heard shots.

-Yes.

-I'd like to know whether that's true or not.

Yes, they were how many gunshots?

-Two.

-Two gunshots.

-Yeah.

But, as you picked up before, there was no gun found...

..at the crime scene, was there?

-No.

-Not that I saw.

Hmm! Well, let's take a look at the suspects' board.

We now know who the mysterious Ralph Moore is.

So we've got Colin Proust, Ralph Moore,

Sonya Proust, and Lance Grafton.

Nothing stands out.

It's good that we've seen Ralph,

but I get the feeling he wants to put the past behind him.

-There was just something about the way he acted.

-Yeah.

It didn't seem like, he wasn't, how do I say it?

He wasn't cheery in the interview.

He was, kind of, just, "Oh, come on, that was in the past."

He was quite upfront.

Lance, he didn't even know what a bird-watcher was...

-Yes.

-..after he said he was...

-Bit of a mistake there.

-Aye.

-Yes.

So my attention is still on Lance at the moment.

With Ralph, again, he's not got a motive.

He said he was home alone.

He did ask the question - if he was found in the hole.

That seems like he's asking something...

He knew which hole they were referring to.

-Yeah, he did.

-So, let's see if we can help you out.

-And we've added a new one to the list for you.

-Oh!

So, there's the deer trading licence,

the forensics report on the hair samples found on the victim's clothes,

and we have a new piece of evidence,

the accounting book for

Meat And Greet Butchers.

I'm all about forensics, so I'll leave it up to you guys.

This is true, but I would love to know what's going on in that butcher's business.

-Yeah, I know.

-Yeah, cos I think there's a lot of money there.

And the four monkeys, as it was called, which was two grand,

I want to know how they're covering that in the books.

I do, but then I want to find out about the hair sample as well,

so I am interested in that as well.

-Yeah, I am.

-It would be good cos we have walked away from Colin.

We haven't brought anything up with him.

I need a decision from you about which piece of evidence you want to see.

-I want to see the hair sample forensic results, please.

-Right.

I will go with James, I'll go with the hair sample.

I got my way last time, so...

-Krystyna?

-I'm all about forensics.

OK. The hair samples found in the

lower legs and hands of the deceased,

so you can see there, there's a

negative match to the human beings.

Not human.

However...

-GREGOR LAUGHS

-We're all thinking that contact

trace has been made with the dog at

discovery of the body.

Mmm-hmm.

Where, if it is Sonya, and she's out walking the dog,

then contact trace could have been made at the moment of killing.

-It is Locard's principle that every contact leaves a trace.

-Of course it is.

-Absolutely.

OK, Armchair Detectives, it's time

again to pick your prime suspect.

I need you to write down your choices now.

Are you going to pick Colin, Ralph, Sonya or Lance?

Time's up. Notepads down, please, Armchair Detectives.

Gregor, last time your prime suspect was Lance.

I have changed my mind.

I'm steering towards Colin, because he has not been around a lot,

-but he has a lot to do with this.

-Mmm.

So I now want to know more about Colin because he's hiding somewhere.

Krystyna, last time you went for Colin.

-I've now, sort of, got Sonya in mind.

-Mmm-hmm.

But I think in cahoots with Colin, with her dad.

-Sonya's your prime suspects?

-She is at the moment, yes.

James, last time your prime suspect was Sonya.

-Mmm-hmm.

-Have you stuck with Sonya?

I have, because I still feel that something's quite not right there,

and I'm still missing something and I'm itching to know what it is.

-You just need a little bit more information, don't you?

-Yes.

-Yes.

-Shall I try and help you out?

-Please.

-Yeah.

-All right, then.

We're up to round four - Dig Deeper.

We're going to get a sneak peek at what some of the suspects were up to

a couple of weeks before Joe's murder.

Three months isn't all that long, really. You're out before you know it.

They give you a bit of a fine sometimes, too.

If you're a repeat offender, like Sonya, they can force you to wear

a tracker, but all in all, the profits far outweigh the risks.

I figured you'd know the estate and might be able to give me some tips.

I'd recommend Concido Woods.

Lovely pine and conifer trees there.

You often see ospreys fly from there to the lake, to catch some fish.

Nests are a bit high.

You'll need some decent climbing shoes.

Not a problem.

You have to be careful of Joe, though.

He's the forest ranger on the estate and the forest is private.

But I've dug several pits he doesn't know about yet.

There's one I recommend.

You're more than welcome to use it for your egg hunting.

I occasionally use it for hunting deer.

Directions.

When you get to Sceptre Farm on the edge of the woods, park nearby.

It's got rudimentary camo covering.

But don't stand on it, as it won't take the weight.

Also, you may need this.

How's my trophy going?

Anything special takes time.

Be patient. You won't be sorry.

-Hello, chaps.

-All right, Lance?

Meat or messages?

Both, actually. I think I'd like a nice piece of venison.

Coming right up.

This is exceptionally high quality meat.

I bet it is.

My newly acquired venison is flying out of here.

Not to mention the more decorative aspects of that very fine animal.

So, we're still on for...

More than ready. At least one a week.

Fantastic.

Why would he give him a boomerang?

LAUGHTER

I believe that was the drill, cos it was quite a big thing.

But I'm going to say, I'm very jealous of Colin's moustache.

It's a great, great moustache.

-But it's a very evil moustache.

-It is an evil moustache!

James? What are you thinking?

Well, Ralph's given Lance some advice on how to build some screens

for the, for hiding out. Also gave him directions,

and we know that Lance has been to the pit,

because we've got the forensic evidence.

Well, it's time to pick some evidence to look at.

Here are your choices.

The deer trading licence,

the accounting book for Meat And Greet Butchers, and a new item -

details of what was in the package that Ralph handed to Lance.

I would like to see if Ralph is on the deer hunting permit.

Because he's supplying trophies to the butchers, he's supplying venison...

I really want to see the Meat And Greet accounts.

It's just difficult. I keep looking over at the other Armchair

Detectives. Some of them are like that, and some of them are like, "No!"

It's an intriguing thing.

Krystyna, what would you like to see?

I'd like to see the deer hunting permit, as well.

So what are you going to plump for?

-We'll go with the deer hunting permit, that's what yous want to see.

-Deer hunting permit?

-I'm perfectly OK with that.

-OK, let's have a look at the deer hunting permit.

The deer trading licence gives legal permission for the Meat And Greet

Butchers to hunt and trade in venison.

Specifically, one per week.

That is what the trading licence permits.

One per week.

-Now that we know that, I think seeing the accounts would be quite helpful.

-Yeah.

Now, Armchair Detectives,

it's time to lock in your prime suspect once again.

Colin, Ralph, Sonya or Lance.

Notepads down, Armchair Detectives.

Right, let's see what's been happening in your wonderful brains.

Gregor, last time your prime suspect was Colin.

What have you gone for this time?

I have gone back to Lance.

-Why?

-Colin has a shop. He has a daughter to look after, though,

who's already been convicted for poaching.

It would be bad if he was caught for doing naughty things,

but I think he uses other people for that.

Krystyna, last time your prime suspect was Sonya,

-have you changed your mind?

-No.

-No?

-They are getting more than one deer a week.

-She's definitely poaching more than that, I'm sure.

-OK.

James, last time you went for Sonya.

-This time?

-I've stuck with Sonya,

cos there's something I noticed in the first film.

When she went up the ladder to help Lance, she knocked her glasses

off and the glasses broke.

So these broken glasses have clearly got some impact to come,

and I've been waiting, and it's not happened yet.

Well, let's find out a little bit more. It's time for round five,

the Final Clues.

Knight and Slater make a visit to the Meat And Greet Butchers,

but they're not there to buy lamb chops.

Sonya!

You have visitors.

Dad, you're going to have to help me balance these books.

Oh, hello.

That was fast.

We got a message that you remembered something, and we were in the area, so, um...

-..what can you tell us?

-I think I'd heard Lance saying something about birds' eggs.

He likes his collection and curiosities, does Lance.

He has connections.

He told me about a hole he'd started to use for bird-watching.

Joe had said to me he'd suspected something was going on, and was

trying to track down if someone was stealing eggs.

-Do you like bird-watching?

-Yes.

I've been looking forward to the golden eagles.

So, gentlemen, got more riveting questions for me?

Indeed we do.

You said you watch birds, but do you know anything about birds' eggs?

Well, birds lay eggs, of course.

Birds hatch from eggs, ostrich eggs are huge.

We believe Ralph Moore lent you a drill.

-What was that for?

-I used it to erect a bird hide screen.

And yet, we haven't come across a bird hide screen.

What are you suggesting?

We've heard several tales of you poaching birds' eggs,

so I suppose what I'm suggesting is that if we were to search your house

right now, we'd find evidence of that.

-Slater?

-On it, Sir.

-Look, I've only taken a few eggs.

You do know it's illegal to disturb wild birds' nests and take their eggs?

I know nothing about Joe's death.

We'll be the judge of that.

Right now, I'm placing you under arrest for offences under the Wildlife And Countryside Act.

Lance, quite the "orthinologist" there.

"Birds lay eggs.

"Birds come from eggs. Ostrich eggs are big."

LAUGHTER

So, James, did you notice anything?

Yeah, she walked into that stool, cos she wasn't wearing her glasses.

And what do you think that means, though?

I don't know. I can't fit it in.

I can't link anything.

I am leaning more towards Sonya.

-Yeah.

-Well, it's good to see Lance is guilty of something.

-So he was hiding things.

-Yes.

-I thought it was something to do with Lance.

-It was interesting, the moment you brought up the

glasses, they brought that point back into the film, that, yeah,

she cannae see properly.

I noticed the gun in the butcher's shop.

-And we still haven't explained the two gunshots.

-Yeah.

So the question is, can she not see properly, and she, bang, bang, scare, fall, dead,

or was it the dad? So we're back to that family.

Back to that family again.

Well, let's see if we can help you out,

-cos it's time to pick your final piece of evidence.

-Ah!

Only two pieces left.

You can only see one of them before you make your final accusation.

Which one do you want to pick?

The accounting book for Meat And Greet...

..or details of what was in the package Ralph handed to Lance?

We keep on mentioning that they've handed him a drill. I'd be surprised if it's not a drill.

-Aye, by this point.

-OK.

-I want to see the Meat And Greet accounts.

-However...

..there are two gunshots. There's not a thing to say that the gunshots

were with a rifle. They could have been with a handgun.

-I totally agree.

-And that did have sort of, like, the shape of a handgun, didn't it?

-But...

-Could it have been a handgun?

-Yeah.

-Be a big handgun.

-It would be a big handgun.

But I think you're right, Meat And Greet,

-I think we should see what's in that.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-The accounts?

ALL: Yeah. OK, you want to see the accounts for Meat And Greet.

One deer, £1,050...

..sold for...

The total in the safe is £7,561.37.

We've got an anomaly there.

-Am I missing it?

-They don't add up, do they?

No. Then there's the four monkeys,

which would be in the safe as well.

-That's 2,000, you've still got an anomaly.

-Yeah, there's...

-They're definitely... up to something.

-Yeah.

The books don't add up, I think it's fair to say they don't add up.

Well, as you know by now,

whoever guesses correctly today will win the golden magnifying glass.

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

I need you to write down who you are accusing,

It's time to answer the only question that matters, whodunnit?

Colin, Ralph, Lance, Sonya.

-I don't know what to do!

-Your time starts now.

-It's time to tell me who you're accusing and why.

-Oh!

Gregor, who are you accusing?

-Colin.

-Colin, why?

He has a lot to protect.

Joe was getting close to catching all the poachers.

Krystyna, who are you accusing?

-Sonya.

-Why?

Her previous record of being a poacher, I just...

And the money, the money amount,

I just feel that she's...

-..still doing the poaching.

-Mmm-hmm.

James? Who are you accusing?

I've stuck with Sonya the whole way through.

And that's what I'm going with, Sonya.

-Because?

-Because there's still some things that don't add up.

I don't get the glasses thing.

I don't get the bit with the tracker.

If it's not Sonya, then it's Colin, and I've made the wrong choice.

LAUGHTER

Gregor is accusing Colin, and Krystyna and James have accused Sonya.

Now before we go to Mortcliff for the answer,

let's take a look at the piece of evidence that you didn't pick.

You did not pick the contents of the package.

It is an ultrasonic gun...

-Oh!

-..used to scare away birds,

especially when in forests and the countryside.

So it wasn't a drill.

-You said gun.

-Salutary lesson, there, Armchair Detectives, not to make assumptions

about what the evidence is.

Armchair Detectives, it's time to find out...

-Oh, no.

-..what really happened in today's story, Deerly Departed.

-I don't want to know.

-Who killed Joe Jenkins?

Let's find out whodunnit.

Colin was telling the truth about his dog finding the body.

The hairs on the victim's arms and legs were different to that of the

suspect's, and the hair discovered on Joe was quite different to the human samples.

Colin said his dog didn't disturb the crime scene, so how did the dog hairs get there?

Take a look at this.

There are discrepancies in the Meat And Greet shop's accounts.

-The butchers were selling poached deer meat, and Joe was their only obstacle.

-Mmm-hmm.

I think they're also dealing in taxidermy.

A carcass would go for, say, 200 quid,

but a full stag's head and antlers would fetch up to 2,000.

So, Sonya or Colin?

Well, here's the information you wanted regarding the binoculars, Sir.

I think we have all we need.

Good work, Slater.

We know you walk your dog occasionally.

Only where I'm allowed.

You see, that was my initial confusion.

How did you get to Concido Woods without being tracked?

Then, when we came to visit you,

you banged your leg quite hard without flinching.

Unfortunately, the officers didn't really pay much attention to your leg...

..when they attached the tracker to it.

Please place your leg on the table, Ms Bruce.

LOUD BANG

HOLLOW TAP

See, when you wanted to go to the woods,

you simply swapped your prosthetic leg

for the one without the tracker.

So when you heard that Joe was going to have a crackdown on poaching in

the forest, you decided to take matters into your own hand.

See, Lance had told you where Ralph's pits were in the forest.

So, you fired the ornamental gun from your dad's shop and waited.

After 20 minutes, Joe hadn't arrived, so you fired again.

This time, he heard the shot.

And eventually he found you,

whereupon you pushed him into the pit.

However, Joe grabbed your binoculars before he fell into the pit

-and broke his neck.

-Before you pushed Joe, he petted your dog.

Bess gave him hairs on his lower legs and hands.

Hairs that didn't match the hairs from any of the other suspects.

How do you know the binoculars were mine?

They could be anyone's.

Well, you see, we know that your left eye is a lot more short-sighted

than your right, because the left

lens on your glasses is a

lot thicker than the right.

Also, on the binoculars we found...

..the lens on the left is focused to the maximum.

We're sure if we test your other pair of binoculars, we'll find the

-same thing.

-I want my lawyer.

Sonya Proust, I am arresting you for the murder of Joe Jenkins.

Wow.

If anyone at home spotted the prosthetic leg,

give yourself another biscuit!

LAUGHTER

I quite literally could not believe my eyes.

And most importantly, Armchair Detectives, James's career is safe, ladies and gentlemen.

CHEERING

Well, congratulations, Krystyna and James.

You both picked the killer and are today's winners,

winning your first golden magnifying glass.

Well done!

And I can tell you all at home,

for the very first time in this series of Armchair Detectives,

I also picked the right suspect. Come on!

CHEERING

Number one.

Well, that's all for Armchair Detectives.

Come back next time,

where Knight and Slater uncover Hawaiian-themed criminal activity.

ALL: Ooh!

But remember,

no-one gets away with murder in Mortcliff.

Goodbye.

Well done, James. Well done, Krystyna.

Hard luck, Gregor, hard luck.