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To cook up a decent show, you need a good dollop of expertise
and we've got David Harper and Nick Hall.
Mm! Could be cheesy.
Let's go Bargain Hunting.
This fair should be the perfect location,
on the outskirts of Peterborough, for our antiques spotters, surely?
Valerie wants silver, so David Harper finds her some.
-Valerie, talk to me.
-Well, I think it's a bit tatty.
Eh! I do apologise. I am very sorry.
-And the Reds?
-I'm not sure.
-It's not something I would want in my house.
It looks like my two-year-old painted it.
-I'm not keen.
-Off we go, then.
Picky, picky, picky.
Mm. Let's meet the teams.
And in the Red team today we have Kerry and John, married couple.
-How many years is it, Kerry?
-And still counting.
-Which is lovely, isn't it?
Now, I believe you're in the business of male makeover.
That's right. I've been hairdressing for 15 years
and I've owned my own gents barbershop in Peterborough
for about six years, now.
Did you start cutting hair when you were two?
-You must have started when you were very young.
-Straight from school pretty much.
-Now, the two of you like to perform a bit.
-Like a bit of karaoke, yes.
One of our first dates involved a bit of karaoke.
By freak chance we both chose the same song to sing.
-Oh, lovely. So it was meant to happen, then?
Yeah. I believe in fate.
-Now, you're pretty competitive.
I've never lost a game of Monopoly in my life,
so I don't intend on losing here today either.
Oh, well, we've had those predictions before
and it all goes very badly wrong. Anyway, very good luck.
-Now for the Blues, you lovebirds.
So are you engaged or just stepping out or what?
I only met her in the car park.
What do you mean? You met her on the internet, that what it says here.
-You're in the honeymoon phase, Valerie.
Absolutely, yes. I recommend it to everybody.
You're looking well on it, doll.
Well, my son said to me, "Mum, you're on your own now, you need company."
-So he said, "Why don't you try the internet?"
I thought, "Silly fool."
Then I did and I met Keith and we haven't looked back, have we?
-Isn't that lovely?
-We have a fabulous time.
But was it strange, talking electronically and then meeting?
-Where did you meet, then? In a pub?
-John Lewis for tea, didn't we?
-Oh, how sweet.
Now, will you two agree about what to buy today?
-Not a chance.
Good. I look forward to your shopping operation, then.
Anyway, here we go. Here's the money moment, look.
-There, Valerie, is your £300.
-And Kerry, there's your £300.
You know the rules, your experts await, and off you go
and very, very, very good luck.
Two pairs of lovebirds, eh?
# Love is in the air Everywhere I look around... #
You two lovebirds, what are we looking for, Valerie?
I like anything with robins and snowdrops on.
-Robins and snowdrops?
-Do you find that tacky, Keith?
Oh, dear. That didn't last long, did it?
I think I'd like something silver, a locket or a spoon or something.
-A girly thing.
-What about you, John? More practical?
I like anything technical, that's had some skill or...
-A bit of engineering.
What about for you?
I have an interest in anything to do with engineering
-in the very loosest sense.
Fine. Me, too, so let's go and find something.
So machines for the boys and something pretty for the girls.
Right, off we shop.
I really like all the bright colours of these glass things on here.
Glass can be good.
Now, that's interesting because of these what look like gold dust.
It's sprinkled into the mix when they make it.
There's no maker's mark on there.
It's just a nice piece of glass.
We don't want to pay a lot of money because we don't know who it's by
but if it was cheap enough...
It's 14 quid before we've even haggled.
If it was like eight or ten quid, there might be five or ten pound profit in it
-just because of the quality. It's a cheap lot.
-What do you think?
-I like it.
There's not a lot to lose, is there? But I do like it.
Why don't you go and sweet-talk the chap.
-Try eight and see where it goes.
-But it's not a deal at 14.
Okey-dokey. I'll go and have a word.
Hi. This is at 14. What's the best you could do on it?
-A tenner? We'll give you eight.
Ah, that's not nice. I should have said 12.
-We'd have still said eight.
-What do you think?
-What are we thinking?
-Meet us in the middle? Nine?
-Yeah, go on.
-Thank you very much.
So Kerry gets something pretty for under a tenner,
which leaves John plenty for a piece of engineering.
Hold on, has Keith got there first with...?
Oh! A machine for holding flowers.
Well, it says West Germany.
There's a number 25 on it.
OK, well, you know, that tells me that that was made in West Germany.
-Yes and that's about all.
But that is a 1960s retro piece of funky gear.
Not very many years ago, you'd throw that on a tip and never want to see it again
but today you could make a lamp out of it
-and in a trendy flat, that would look the biz.
-Let's get a price on it. Hello. Are you the stallholder?
-What sort of price have we got on this one?
I love it and I would buy that and put that in my shop and sell it.
-But when you put it into a general auction, you take a chance, don't you?
-So can you help us out?
-Valerie, do you like it?
You walked over to see it, didn't you?
I like it.
-Do you like it for £45?
-Well, I'm not sure.
Could it be 35, just to tempt us?
That is too low. I'm sorry.
I'll owe you a cup of tea, how's that?
35... Go on.
-Good man. Lovely.
-Thank you very much.
-Thanks a lot.
-We now own a vase.
-Well done. You stylish pair, you.
I think your enthusiasm pushed that deal through, David.
So the score is one vase all. How about no more vases, eh?
It should be 30 quid now.
-Now, does that interest you at all?
-Oh, it's an ink well.
-I'm not enamoured.
-Are you not?
-I like that. It's a piece of what's called Black Forest carving...
..in the Bavarian region.
There's a lot of very serious collectors for this sort of stuff.
-Can you see any mileage in that?
-It's not cheap. They're asking 295.
There might be some movement on there.
-The death is 250 on that one.
-250's the death on that?
What do you think? It's a lot of money, isn't it?
-It's a lot of money.
-It's just too much, yeah.
I'd have a go at 250 but it's not going to leave us any money.
-No, no, that's true.
-OK, let's walk on.
-It's a lovely thing. Thank you.
Keep trying, Nick,
but at the moment, these two are just not playing ball.
Now, are the Blues being more agreeable?
-What about the light over there? Do you like that?
-I quite like him.
-I don't know. Would it be very old?
-Let's have a look.
-Ooh, he's heavy.
-How heavy is he?
-Have you got it?
It's not an ancient one, is it? It's only '60s, I think.
It might be a tad earlier.
It might, you know... It's very difficult to say.
You'd just have to describe it as mid to late 20th century.
-But it's got a look.
-How much is it?
-Shall we ask him?
-What would be your best on this one?
I mean, it's not a fortune, is it? It really isn't.
-Do you like it, Keith?
-It struck me as we walked by.
Erm... But I thought it was probably older.
-Could we perhaps try and...
-Do you want to offer him 50?
Excuse me. I'm sorry to keep distracting your lunch.
We do quite like that but obviously, we haven't got much to spend at all.
-Would you go down to 50?
-I think we've got a deal.
Thanks very much.
-These two are like antique dealers. They just buy.
Wow! Speedy! And in case you missed it...
Obviously, we haven't got much money to spend at all.
Val talked the talk.
-I think we've got a deal.
And Keith was straight in there to seal the deal.
Now, Reds, you're wagging. Sorry, lagging.
Look what I've just found over here.
-Now, it's not on its own. There's a pair of them.
-They're actually by Bretby.
-Do you like them?
They look like they should have the ashes of my grandma in them.
Oh, bless! That sounds awfully morbid.
I don't like them at all.
Look, I said no more vases, right?
Maybe the piece you'll all agree on is just around the corner.
What about that wonderful figure there? Initial thoughts?
-I'm not sure.
It's not something I would want in my house.
Let's be honest, it looks like my two-year-old painted it.
-I'm not keen.
-John's not so keen, are you?
-Off we go, then.
They're not digging your taste, Nick, old boy.
Time to get tough.
-I'm starting to panic now.
-Well, we're still doing fine.
If we find another one in the next five or ten minutes,
-then you're on Easy Street.
-Don't panic yet.
Too nice! I said tough.
Oh, I don't know.
We haven't really seen any silver, have we?
-Do you fancy a bit of silver?
-Do you really?
I love silver. We can find a bit of silver.
-Do you fancy a bit of silver?
-Do you like silver?
-Erm, yes, I...
-I'm not against silver
-but I would really like to see if we could find something...
Mechanical in some way.
How about a silver machine?
-There's a big clock for you, Keith. Does it do anything for you?
It's not very pretty, is it?
What's up with these teams, eh?
-You wanted something mechanical.
-Yes but I'm quite picky.
Oh. Oh, dear. You never told me that at the beginning.
Did you ask, David?
Let's do a quick time check. You have had 33 minutes.
-So we've got 27 minutes left.
-27 minutes left.
-Bags of time.
-Don't be saying that. It goes in a flash, I promise you.
-Look for some silver, if we can.
Shall we buy Valerie some silver?
Shall we do that or do you want to buy yourself a clock?
We'll see if it's nice silver.
Come on, Val. Put your foot down, girl,
maybe on the accelerator.
Right, time for a bit of style.
My gosh! This is a cracking example of German womanhood.
You can imagine this Fraulein in 1936,
throwing her javelin in the Berlin games.
We're missing one half of the javelin
that should be attached to the other end here
but it's present.
It just needs a bit of restoration.
She's interesting because of the mixed media that have been employed
in her manufacture.
Her gymslipped body is actually made of yellow bronze
and that's been cast and then patinated
to give it this greenish colour.
All her limbs and her head are made of solid elephant ivory.
If you're sharp-eyed, you'll spot on the back a scratched signature,
F Preiss for Ferdinand Preiss.
Preiss, alongside his friend Chiparus,
were the very best carvers in this style in the Art Deco period
and these things are very, very sought after internationally.
It's not the sort of thing that you would expect to find, quite frankly,
outdoors in a field at the Peterborough fair
but it's here.
What's it worth? Well, you can tell I'm pretty keen on it
and the dealer knows all about it
because he's priced her up at £5,500.
Now, Kerry and John still have two items to find
but Valerie and Keith only need one.
What's this? Could it be the machine of Keith's dreams?
-What is that?
-It's a marmalade cutter.
-How do you know that then?
-Because it says on it...
I know about these things.
That's the kind of trick I use to make myself look clever.
-A marmalade cutter.
-Basically, you shove your orange in there...
-How lovely is that?
-..and you cut it there.
-Is that mechanical enough for you?
-It's the sort of thing I like.
Shall we get a price? What sort of money is it?
-Well, £30, really.
-It's got to be worth that sort of money.
-It's worth 30 quid all day long
but whether it's going to find anyone in the auction is the chance we take.
-Great for a hotelier or something.
-You don't like it, do you?
-It's not silver, Valerie, is it?
-If it was silver, would you like it?
-And it's not pretty.
It might not be pretty to you but to us, we find it pretty.
-Yes. Do you fancy it?
-Erm, we'll look a little further.
-We'll keep it in mind.
-Is that all right?
-I'm happy to do that.
Val isn't keen, so Keith's moving on. How sweet.
Now, isn't that the quirkiest little thing you've ever seen?
-The legs kick, the fan moves.
-It looks like an ashtray.
It's a novelty ashtray and what a novelty.
Would you think that's actually any age to that?
-Well, '50s, '60s. I guess it's what you'd call kitsch.
Do you like that?
Right, drum roll, please!
-It's quite cute.
-It's quirky, that's for sure.
About time, thank you.
Where's the chap? Let me see...
-Hi. Is 25 any good to you?
-No, it has to be 30.
-Has to be 30.
-Any mileage in that?
-Yeah, why not?
-And it's in lovely condition.
-It is in good condition.
-You know what, I've seen David Harper do that pose.
-We're going for it, everybody.
Hooray. The Reds are back on track.
It's mechanical, it's pretty and it cost £30.
Right, teams, 15 minutes to find that essential last item.
I don't know which way to head. I don't know this fair.
-Let's head down there.
-Can we get out of here, yeah?
That's it, John, you lead the way.
Ah, loads of silver for Val.
Valerie, this must be heaven for you.
Yeah but I was thinking something like a dish or...
-That's quite unusual, that little pincushion there.
That's a box.
You put your cottons in it. That's what it's for.
Yeah. Quite nice, isn't it?
-Well, I think it's a bit tatty.
-Eh! I do apologise.
-I am very sorry.
-Don't worry about it, OK?
-I tell you what I do like very much...
..and that's that silver picture frame.
-That is absolutely delightful.
Picture frames do very well in silver.
-Do you like it?
-Yes, I do, actually.
-I quite like that.
Yeah, I do, as well.
-Can you give me your best price on that? Just see what they think.
Being as she's such an attractive lady, I'll give her a fiver and a kiss.
-I'd rather have the fiver.
-That's a deal.
She might take four quid if you didn't do the kiss.
-I can do it for 40.
-Is that it?
-We have to eat. That's it. Definitely.
-No. Definitely not.
-Cos it's got a little dent in there.
-Well, do you know how old that is?
-That's normal. It's normal.
-I've got a few dents myself.
It's a toss-up between this and your marmalade.
-Oh, I'd go with that.
-As I say, for 35 I think it's a bargain.
-Very. Very trying.
-Keith, your charms are just not working at all.
-Not at all.
-I should've put some aftershave on today.
-You should have. What do you think?
-Just a little...
-All right, 35.
-And go away.
Shake her hand.
You are a master, that's what you are.
No, he's just a pain.
'Well, he's lovely, really.
'So Keith's persistence bagged this sweet little frame for £35
'and the Blues are done.'
We're butch enough to link arms, aren't we?
With four minutes left, it's over to the Reds,
perhaps being a little less picky?
-We're pushed for time.
-How much is the...?
-165. What condition's it in?
It's in used condition.
So that means that you are flexible on the price. Let's have a look.
Guys, it's been knocked and battered and bruised
but it's nice, it's Victorian.
For that sort of condition, I wouldn't want to pay that much money.
What would you see that making in an auction?
100 to 150. What about this smaller one? If we come down in size is the price going to drop?
Actually, I tell you what, condition wise, this is better.
That's a sweet little thing. I like the timber as well.
-Could that be 40 quid?
-No, 60 would be the death on that one.
Well, you've got that at 60, we're stuck at around the 110-120 mark on that.
-We've got three or four minutes left.
But we've got a lot of money left to spend.
I don't know if you want to push on, come back to this.
-Do you want to risk it?
-Do you want to risk it for a biscuit?
-We'll be back.
Right, leg it.
You're moving on with seconds to go? Huh! I can't bear it.
-Time's not our friend today, is it?
-I know. We're back to here again.
-We've come back.
-We've gone full circle, haven't we?
-How much did he say he was going to do that for?
-250 was the best.
We've got 261 left
and you've got that nice little chest of drawers for 60 quid.
What do you want to do, then? Your decision.
That or the little £60 drawers?
-Let's do the chest of drawers.
-Chest of drawers.
He's a decision-making man, isn't he? Come on.
You get the money out. Let's get that chest of drawers.
Well, it's still there. We've got 30 seconds, 29...
-Do you mind if I just butt in? I've got 30 seconds left.
-Can we do 60 on that, then?
-60 and we've got a deal.
-Thank goodness for that.
-We made it.
-By the skin of our teeth, we just made it.
Phew! With a bit of queue jumping, the Reds are done - just.
So, it was a quick start for Kerry and John,
buying their studio glass vase for a mere £9.
This glamorous ashtray was next to catch their eye. £30 paid.
And with only seconds to spare, John jumped in
and bought this apprentice chest for £60.
-I thought we weren't going to make it.
-Hey, you lot.
-That is just ridiculous, isn't it?
-Yes. We were cutting it a bit fine.
A bit fine? You're a hairdresser, you're used to cutting it fine.
-I don't know. Anyway, it was good fun, though.
-It was brilliant.
You managed to spend all of £99,
which is the most pathetic total I've ever come across.
What's going on? You're a woman. Don't you go out and spend?
Yeah, I wanted to but, you know, being with two boys,
-they reined me in.
-Is that what it was?
-So who's got the £201?
-You have? Thank you very much.
£201 coming my way. Thank you.
-I can't believe it.
I don't know why we bother giving you £300.
-That's a lot of money, that is.
-Isn't it just?
-I hope you're going to spend the lot.
-I'm going to relish this and find something very good.
-I bet you are.
-There's a lot of scope out there.
Certainly is. Everything to go for and very, very good luck. Super job.
Why don't we check out what the Blues bought?
Keith saw red and this West German vase became retro item number one.
Valerie's powers of persuasion sealed item two, this Chinese lamp.
And finally, Val got her silver
in the shape of this little picture frame, for £35.
-Are you eyeing the women up, Tim?
-What's happening? Have you finished?
-We've finished, yes.
-Was it good fun, Keith?
-It was excellent fun.
-And did you enjoy it?
-Oh, every minute of it.
-So you spent how much, darling?
-Can I have £175 of leftover lolly?
-Not off me.
£175. Here we go.
The keeper of the budget.
-It goes straight to David Harper.
-What are you going to spend that on?
-There's so much to get at.
I'm desperate to get outside in the sun and go hunting.
-It's what I do!
-Yes but make sure you put your hat on.
-Why, do I need it?
-Do I need it? Anyway, good luck.
Meanwhile, I feel something spiritual coming on
and I'm heading south to Stonor Park in Oxfordshire.
Ah! What a peaceful place.
This circle of stones represents a place of pagan worship
and the stones have been standing here for some 4,000 years.
The Stonor family set up home here in this stony valley,
from which they take their name, some 800 years ago.
They were Catholics
but when they came to build their own place of worship,
they incorporated one of these pagan stones
into the foundations of their chapel.
Built in the 13th century, this chapel soon became incorporated
into their grand residence.
But little did the Stonors know
the chapel would become a symbol of defiance
against the monarchy.
By the 1530s, Henry VIII had decided to eradicate Catholicism from Britain
by fair means or foul
and the Stonor family suffered more than most.
Not only were they fined, they lost land, they were imprisoned,
they lost social position and prestige.
And the outward manifestation of all those losses
affected this space, the chapel.
It fell into utter disrepair.
It wasn't until the Catholic Emancipation acts
at the end of the 18th century
that the family felt emboldened enough
to restore this space.
The style that we see within right now
is essentially the confection of Gothic,
with the pointed, lancet, almost arrow-slit type windows,
running around the outside.
The Gothic detail to this dummy ceiling, with its fan vaulting.
And I guess for me, the best Gothic feature of all,
the mouldings above the two doors entering the chapel at the end.
Isn't that exquisite?
A little bit of foliage on the top,
then a double ogee making that shape.
Underneath that, there's a sheet of glass
that's had applied to it the ultimate Gothic element,
which is the quatrefoil.
But it wasn't just the architectural details following the Gothic style
that the family went with.
They even managed to acquire some Gothic furniture.
And, boy, are these chairs Gothic!
The backs are a pair of conjoined spiky Gothic pinnacles, look.
The splats are centred by more quatrefoil
and if I take this comfy padded seat out, it reveals the seats.
Now, these chairs look like expensive ebony. They're not.
They're country-made chairs that have been stained with black paint
to make them look more expensive.
This seat is a solid lump of elm that has been chiselled out
in the shape of your bottom,
so that when you sit on it, it's a little more comfortable.
It's dished and where does that happen in Britain?
It happens in the Windsor chair-making industry.
And where's that based? It's based up the Thames valley,
just down the road from Stonor Park.
So I reckon these chairs are locally made
and may actually have been commissioned by the Stonors in this Gothic style
for this Gothic chapel. How lovely is that?
The big question today is, of course,
will our teams over at the auction be on their hands and knees?
Well, we've popped 50 miles north-ish from Peterborough
to the glorious cathedral city of Lincoln.
So, Colin Young, Kerry and John, their first item
-is this hideous blue vase.
-You like that?
-I like it to limits.
It's the type of thing that we see plenty of.
They come through the rooms.
-They make low tens in value.
-Might that be 20 or 30?
-Yeah, it easily should make that sort of money.
Kerry would be delighted if you got more than nine smackers for it.
Next is the Japanese novelty lady.
-Now, how old do you think that is, Colin?
Erm, I would say she looks about 28.
-Really? You're such an experienced man.
Not at all. I don't think, personally, it's very old.
I think it probably dates from about 1999, myself.
If I was going to date that,
I would guess it's more likely to be in the range of 1960s to 1980s.
-And the reason for that is the high-gloss gold work on it.
But nevertheless, it's amusing, isn't it?
It's a bit of fun and certainly somebody should spend £20-£40 on it.
And their last item is this truly delightful so-called apprentice piece, miniature chest.
I think it's a great-looking thing.
-I'm not sure whether it's olive or yew.
Yeah, could be a fruit wood of sorts.
Very good colour, very well made, a very pretty item
-that a lot of people are going to want.
-75 to 100. That should get them coming in for it.
-Great. £60 paid.
That's it, then. What happens with the girl with her legs in the air
will determine whether they need their bonus buy or not
and here it comes.
Now, Kerry and John, this is the bonus buy moment.
You spent that miserable £99. I can't believe that. It's a disgrace.
£201 went to Nicholas Hall and I'm going to help you here, Nick.
-One, two, three, flash!
What about that?
-And a pair, which is always nice.
-What do you think? Do you like?
OK, mid 19th century, Staffordshire pottery
and this lovely, rare-ish zebra version.
-Take one, Kerry.
-Let's have a look.
-What did you pay for these, Nick?
-Well, they weren't cheap. I paid 150 for them.
-There should be a bit of mileage in them.
They used to make £300 to £400 but in today's market, nearer the 200,
-I'm in a minority, aren't I?
I'm not totally averse to them if they're going to make money.
-Well, that's the idea or the hope.
That's it, isn't it? If they make money.
It will all come clear
because after the sale of your first three items,
you'll either have made so much profit on your £99
that you'll be laughing
or you'll be struggling and you'll maybe grab these.
The decision happens then.
But for the audience at home,
let's find out what the auctioneer thinks about Nick's zebra.
-Giddy up, then, Colin.
-Do you like these?
-I think they're a wonderful pair.
Wearing the reverse pinstripes to ourselves.
-That's good, isn't it?
-It is. I think they're good things.
The problem is that, as you know, the Staffordshire market has changed
and it's only the finest items that are racing along at big money
but subjects such as this, I'm confident at 120 to 180, that sort of range.
Well, Nick paid £150 for his bonus buy.
He may be just a bit hopeful but you never know.
-Anything could happen, Colin.
Anyway, that's it for the Reds. Now for the Blues.
Completely different taste.
First up is another of these revolting West German vases.
Yes. It always intrigues me when these come in.
The problem is, I can remember when I started as an auctioneer,
vases like that not selling at all and ending up on the skip.
-So now it seems strange that we're lotting it as a separate lot.
Quite. I quite agree. But I'm happy to move with the times.
-We're out there at the cutting edge, aren't we?
The cutting edge of fine art auctioneering means
-that that now holds an estimate of £30 to £50.
£35 is paid.
Next, the oriental lamp, which is a handsome fellow.
-Yeah. Not particularly old.
But it's a perfectly good decorator's piece.
-What sort of money did they pay for this one?
-They paid £55.
OK. I think that stands a bit of a chance.
We've put a lowly estimate on of £20-£30
because anybody looking at that with that estimate is likely to bid.
-It might struggle up to 55.
-Yeah. It stands a chance.
-Next, is the Birmingham picture frame.
-Titchy, isn't it?
-It is very small.
These always sell well in our sale rooms
and so we've put an estimate of £40-£60, which I'm reasonably confident about.
-Very good. £35 paid.
-That looks good.
So, all round, unlikely to need their bonus buy
but let's have a look at it anyway.
Now, Val and Keith, you spent £125 and you gave David Harper £175
to blow on your behalf.
-Thanks for the build-up.
-Not at all.
We're all excited to see what you've gone out and spent the 175 on.
I hope you're not too disappointed. Ready?
-What is it?
-I know what it is - it's a shortbread tin.
-Yes, it is!
-You got it.
-I think I've thrown a few of these away, David.
Good and I'm so pleased you have. That's why the remaining ones are valuable.
Turn it over or look at the side and read the name.
-Huntley and Palmers.
-Very well-known, famous biscuit makers
but just as famous for their tins.
-There are collectors out there looking for those tins.
-Let's cut to the chase, David.
How much did you spend on this old tin?
-How much would you spend?
-Not £175, I hope.
-You might be surprised.
-Oh, wow. You were done.
It could double its money
and if you make 100% on anything, you're doing very well.
-It might just make 20 quid.
-Treasure that thought.
Meanwhile, for the audience, let's see what the auctioneer thinks of Dave's old tin.
-OK, Colin. That takes the biscuit.
-Very nice, too.
Always popular, biscuit tins, at auction.
Yeah. I understand the old ones, the novelty ones,
but that was such a bog standard biscuit tin from 1955 to 1965
or whatever its dates are, I just can't believe
-that somebody's going to invest in that.
-Well, they do.
-All right, then. How much for it?
-£10 to £20.
Fair enough. £10 paid by David Harper.
Who knows? He could be absolutely right.
-Now, are you going to be taking today's sale?
-I am indeed.
Ah, we're in safe hands.
-All right? Happy?
You should be happy, too. Look, nice crowded sale room,
very proficient auctioneer, everything going down your gutter.
Anyway, first up is the turquoise glass and here it comes.
Lot number 50, then, is an Italian blue globular vase,
Who's going to start me at £50? £30, anybody?
-Come on, come on.
£20 bid. At £20. 2 now, then?
-In at 20.
22. 25 now? You sure? Yeah, 25.
30 now do I see? 28 bid. 30 now anywhere else?
We're done and selling at £28.
That's marvellous, that is. That's plus £19.
That's very good, isn't it? Now for the ashtray.
There we go, then, lot number 51.
I may be some time watching this one.
Lot number 51. The Continental porcelain novelty ashtray.
-Who's going to start me at what, £50?
-Is that all?
Avert your eyes and bid me five.
£5 bid. At 5. Eight anywhere else? Eight on the net.
10 in the room. 12 bid? No. That was short-lived.
This is hard work. 12 on the net. 12 bid.
-15 now? 15 bid.
-It's getting there.
At £15. We're in the room and selling. All done at £15.
That's minus £15, which means overall you're plus four.
-You're still in profit.
Now, the apprentice chest.
There we go. The early 20th century yew or olive apprentice chest.
Who's going to start me at what, £50 for it?
-50? £30 to go, then. £30, anybody?
-Does anybody want it? 20.
20 bid. 25 bid. 30. Let's get on. At 30 bid. Five. Bid 40.
-Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
-£40 at the back. At 40. Five anywhere else?
-I can't believe that.
50 bid. 50. 55.
-Bid 60? 60 bid. No?
Going, this time. All done and finished at £55.
-I can't bear it.
-That's a shame.
-£55. That's minus £5,
-which means overall you're minus £1.
-Ah! After all that hard work.
That is ridiculous, isn't it?
So what are you going to do? Are you going to ring-fence minus £1
-or risk it on these zebra?
-What are you thinking?
-We've made a loss. Nothing to lose, so...
-Yeah, go on, then.
-We're trusting you.
-Don't go looking at me.
Things are so up in the air at the moment. The prices are all over the place.
We're not taking anything home anyway, so let's do it.
-Just your pride.
-Yeah. That went a long time ago.
They are going with the zebra and here they come.
Lot 56. A pair of 19th century Staffordshire pottery,
flat-backed figures of zebra, this time.
£100, anybody? 100.
£50. Go on, you know you need them, sir.
-£50. 50 on the net.
At 50. 55. 60 now, do I see? At 60.
Five anywhere else now? 65.
£70 there, surely?
-It's still a long way off. A long way off.
80, 85, 90, now.
90? Are we all done and finished? At 85. It's the last call.
Hovering again. 90.
-There you go, you see.
-A little bit more.
I've no more here. 90 bid. Any more, then? Going this time at £90.
-That was the gamble, wasn't it?
-Yeah. Minus £60 on that item,
which means overall, you're minus 61.
OK, the big thing here is don't tell the Blues a thing, right?
Not a shtoom. Not a shtoom. Not even a shtoom.
-So, Val, Keith, you been talking to the Red team at all?
-You don't know how they've got on?
-That's just as well. Good.
First up is your West German lava vase and here it comes.
Lot number 71 is a 1960s West German fat lava vase.
Who'll give me £50 for it? £50, anybody? 50.
40 to go then, surely. £40, anybody? 40.
-Come on. 40?
-Anybody, take a bid.
-OK, let's start it at a fiver.
-A fiver, anybody?
Five bid. Six now, surely? Six do I see? Six. Beat me to it.
At six, seven, eight. Nine.
Ten. 12, may I be so bold?
-12 bid. 14, bid.
-Ah, now we've got the serious stuff.
At 14. 15 now? At 14. All done and finished and going then.
-15 on the internet.
-Oh, the internet.
The Germans have come back.
Last call. Going on the net at £15.
I'm just going to presume that the buyer has only got a black and white screen.
Minus 20. Minus £20. Bad luck, team.
Now, here comes the Mandarin lamp.
Who's going to start me at £50 for it? 30 to go then, surely?
30? £20, anybody?
-Oh, come on.
Thank you. 10 bid. 15. Let's get on. 15 now surely.
A good sizeable lamp, this. 15 now do I see?
-15 bid. 20 bid.
-22, if you like.
-Get it away.
22 do I see? 22 bid.
25 bid. 28 now? 28 bid, surely? No.
25. Are we all done at 25? Last call at £25.
£25? You are minus £30 on that, right?
-Overall, then, it's not looking so hot.
-It's not good.
-Here's the picture frame.
Very pretty little easel frame, this one. Lot number 73.
40? 30 to go, then, surely? £30, anybody?
-Oh, come on.
£20 bid. At 20. And two, now? 22 bid. Five now do I see? Five bid.
28? 28 bid. 30 do I see? 30 bid. And two. 32 bid.
35? At 35. 8 do I see?
At 35. Last call, then. Going at £35.
-£35, you've wiped your face.
-We broke even.
-No shame in that, David.
-We'd better go for the bonus buy.
Overall, you're minus 50, kids,
so what are we going to do about this much-mocked tin?
I think we're going to have to put our money on the tin.
-Yes. We trust David.
-You're going to can it, are you?
He can't do any worse than us, can he?
Well, OK, fine. We're going with the tin and here it comes.
Lot number 77 is a Huntley and Palmers biscuit tin.
£20 for it. 20? Ten to go.
Five bid. Six now do I see? Five bid.
Six bid. Seven now do I see?
-Come on. Another one.
-Eight now do I see?
£8 bid. Thank you. Eight bid. Nine now do I see?
At £8. Gentleman in the third row really does take the biscuit.
That's minus £2. You kept up the record. A minus score on every item.
-We've done really well.
-So overall, you are minus £52.
Best thing to do is not to discuss a thing with the Reds.
You haven't said, "That could be a winning score."
Did you say, "That could be a winning score"?
It could be a winning score.
Don't talk to the Reds.
Well, well, well, well, well, what fun this is.
Lincoln Cathedral - what could be more beautiful?
-You teams been talking to one another?
-Not a word.
-Not a word.
-Not a word.
You won't know, then,
that there's only £9 between our teams today.
And sadly, the runners up today are...
Look at that. That man is so pleased.
Well you might laugh, you Blues, let me tell you,
but these people were streaks ahead of you
until they did the bonus buy lark
and they got belted up with some wretched zebra
-which shafted you, didn't it?
-Just a little.
-Just a little.
Morally, you are the victors today but actually, you're the runners up
and the victors are, of course, the Blues.
-We whopped them.
-You whopped them by only managing to lose £52.
Nevertheless, you are the victors today
and I hope you've had a nice time.
Join us soon for some more Bargain Hunting, yes?
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