Malvern 10 Bargain Hunt

Today, we're in the marvellous Malvern Hills, surrounded by

the peaks and troughs of the landscape, but that ain't nothing

in comparison to the roller coaster that's ahead of us.

So, let's go bargain hunting. Ooh, arr!

Today, the Three Counties Showground

plays host to our fair

and in this place there are 300 stalls, but because the weather's

so jolly wet, most of our filming's going to happen in these here sheds.

Here's a quick peek as to what's coming up.

'The Reds know how to haggle for a bargain.'

-About 8.

-8!

-Can you do 8?

She's got a lovely smile!

-Yes...

-And a good right hook.

The Blues are planning on having a takeaway.

-We're going to take him home with us, aren't we?

-No!

'Let's meet today's teams.'

On the show today, we've got two teams of friends.

Well, they're friends at the moment.

We've got Helen and Kate for the Reds and

-Tracy and Karen for the Blues. Hello, everyone.

-ALL: Hello.

Now, Helen, how did you two become friends?

We met about nine years ago through ex-partners who were best friends

and we started going out as couples,

but then I got a little job at Kidderminster Police Station,

which is where Kate works and when we went our separate ways

with our ex-partners we continued to be the best of friends.

-Well, isn't that nice?

-Yeah.

-And what do you do for the police?

I work part-time as a Safer Schools PCSO.

My main passion is writing children's books,

which I do more of than the police.

My latest series is called The Vegetarian Vampire. So...

-So, he's a bit of a softie, your vampire?

-He is, yeah.

His favourite foods are all red,

-like, cranberries and strawberries.

-Oh, right.

So, how does he cover up the fact that he doesn't eat meat, then?

-Well, he takes tomato soup.

-Does he?

-Yeah.

-In a flask?

-And he pretends it's blood?

-Yeah.

-Ah, smashing.

-Now, Kate, do you still work for the police force?

-I do, yes.

I've been there 12 years now. I'm a forensic investigator

so I examine crime scenes.

That's quite a business though, isn't it?

It's mainly burglaries, so I collect forensic evidence to try

and solve the crimes, like fingerprints, footwear marks...

And do you like investigating antiques?

Well, I do. I don't have a huge amount of antiques knowledge.

The knowledge I do have is based on programmes like this,

-like watching Bargain Hunt at home.

-Everything you know you've learnt on this programme?

-Pretty much, yeah.

-Pretty much. Well, that's good.

Well, you're going to do very well, I can tell you that.

Anyway, great to meet you.

So, Tracy, you also became friends as a result

of meeting with your ex-boyfriends.

-We did, yeah.

-Yeah?

-Yeah, about 25 years ago.

-Really?

-Yes.

-There's no need to put any numbers on it.

You were children at the time.

And what do you do to earn a buck, Trace?

I'm an orthopaedic practitioner, which means

-I basically plaster people's arms and legs...

-Do you?

..when they break bones.

-Are you setting the bone then?

-Yes.

-Oh, you are?

-Oh, my! That's not much fun, is it?

-No.

-The whole business you do.

-Yes.

Oh, my gosh. Now, Karen, tell us about your career, darling, cos

-you're in the same line of business, aren't you?

-Well, I was.

Yes, I was a nurse for 22 years at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital

in Birmingham, but I now have worked for the last ten years

for Social Services on a children's team, children with disabilities.

I bet you're jolly good at it.

Now, do you know anything about antiques, Karen?

Um, I'd like to think I do!

Does she? Honestly, Trace.

-No.

-No. OK, fine. That's the honest answer!

And the honest answer is to take £300 and scoot off

and I bet you'll do jolly well. There's your £300.

You know the rules, your experts await and off you go and

very, very, very good luck.

We got the police to the right and the nurses to the left,

what could possibly go wrong?

You'd be surprised. Now, let's meet our experts.

Spinning round Malvern with the Reds will be

the lady in red herself...

And trying to steer the Blues on the road to success will be...

Helen, what are you after?

I quite like little, small, pretty, "twinklity" things...

"Twinklity?" Twinklity! Sparkly? OK.

You know, I sense a real air of competition.

Oh, yes! You're correct!

Kate, what about you?

Possibly a bit of old furniture,

-something with a bit of age to it, a bit of ironworks, maybe.

-Right...

-Failure's not an option.

-Seriously?

-Yeah.

-Absolutely.

-You two are a bit scary, aren't you?

-No!

-Let's go! Come on!

-Brilliant!

Let's go.

Armed with their £300 budget, both teams have just an hour

to find three items to take to auction, so best of luck.

Do we like silver?

-Love it.

-Do you?

-Oh, yes. Yes.

I like a woman with a bit of passion.

SHE LAUGHS Oh, look at that there.

A little square. What would you keep in that?

-It's a pillbox.

-Ah!

-Ah!

-So...for pills.

-Do you take many?

-No.

-No?

-No.

If I did, I wouldn't tell you. THEY LAUGH

That's right. You mind your own business, David. Huh!

-I like this.

-Right, OK.

Now, you know it doesn't have a lot of age to it, don't you?

No, it's quite young.

It is quite young, just like what we are,

but it's a very good make. It's Portmeirion.

It looks, to me, it looks in perfect condition, doesn't it?

-Definitely.

-So, we'll have a little look at the bottom, shall we?

-And see...

-Ah, it's really nice.

-Yeah, the Botanic Garden...isn't it gorgeous?

-It's very...I'd buy that!

-Yeah, and what about you, Kate?

-Yeah, definitely.

-Would you buy that?

-I like the butterflies.

-It doesn't have age, but does it have value?

-Yeah, exactly.

Now, that's the point. Yes, it does.

I mean, it's not going to have a great, great value at all.

I would be really happy

-if we got that at £10.

-£10?

-I think so.

-Yeah.

-So, do you want to do the negotiating?

I'll have a go!

-We're looking at your...

-The Portmeirion.

-..Portmeirion bowl.

Now, what's your very best price, please?

I'll do 15.

It's a good price. Got to be a profit in 15.

-What about 8?

-8!

-Can you do 8?

-I'll tell you! 8?!

-How about we push it to 10?

-I'll do you 10.

-You'll do me 10? Fantastic! Brilliant!

-Thank you very much.

-Not a problem.

-Thank you.

Wow! That's quick work, Reds.

That's the first item you've looked at

and it's in the bag before you can say "Bargain Hunt". Huh! Good work.

That's under four minutes and we've made our first purchase.

We don't need an hour. We'll go and have a cuppa, shall we?

Meanwhile, the Blues are preparing for battle.

-Is it a tie pin or...?

-A kilt.

-A kilt, possibly.

-Is it a Scottish one?

-Yes.

-Is it? Have you got a glass?

Would you mind? Now, come on, then, Tracy, you're an expert in silver.

-No, I don't...!

-Come on! Let's date it!

-I haven't got me glasses on.

-Get your eye in.

-Ooh, I don't know.

-Oh, honestly! Karen?

-I'll have a go.

-Come on.

Tell me what you see and I'll try and... Go on, tell me what you see.

-I can see a lion.

-That's silver.

-I think it might be an anchor.

-Anchor, where's that made?

-Oh!

-Where's that made?

-Birmingham?

-Birmingham!

-And, um, I can't...a W.

A "W". That's its date.

Now, Z, W, I think that's...ooh, I haven't got my book with me.

-1920?

-Yes.

-Ish, ish.

-How much is it?

-80.

-Oh!

-Hmm.

TRADER: 60.

-60 quid.

-That would make a profit, David.

I think, if you don't mind me saying, I think in auction,

the safe estimate is 30 to 50, 50 to 70.

So, you've got a chance.

-Would you accept 50 for it?

-50?

-Please?

TRADER: Eh...50.

-Thank you very much.

-Have we done it?

-Thank you.

You two do not muck about!

-Thank you very much.

-That was such a nice lady.

-You've had less than five minutes.

-I know.

-Now, come on now, let's have a proper mooch.

-OK.

-Thank you very much indeed.

-Thank you so much.

'Yeah, you get mooching, Trace.

'Once again, incredibly quick work, Blues.'

It's now one-all, and it looks like Helen is on a mission.

-There might be something sparkly and nice in here.

-Something sparkly.

-Let's have a look.

-Yeah.

Oh, look at that! "Don'ts For Wives!"

Oh, how funny is that?!

I've obviously never read that!

It seems Tracy is issuing David with a challenge.

Has he finally met his match?

Guess what it is!

Oh, I love competitions!

-I already know, you see.

-Let me have a handle of it.

-Well, you're not...OK.

-I won't look at the ticket.

I can't say I have ever seen anything like it.

Something to do with cigarettes.

Yes.

It's a rotating cigarette box, isn't it?

No.

-It's a smoke...it's a...

-It's a match...

-No, it's not for matches, is it?

-Yes!

-Is it?

-Whoa! Isn't that fantastic.

-Isn't it lovely?

Look at that.

Oh, that is nice, yeah. What sort...?

Now, that is very unusual, because those matches are...

-Are the original.

-Are contemporary to that.

-Yeah.

-Which is probably 1920s.

-Is it EPNS?

-Oh, it's definite EPNS.

Now, then, what does EPNS stand for?

Electroplated nickel...plated silver, or something like that.

-Electroplated nickel silver.

-Oh, very good, Karen!

-Isn't she good?

And if you've never seen one like it before, that's a good thing.

Never, never. I've never seen anything like it.

How much do you reckon it's worth?

-It's not worth £200.

-No, no.

-No.

-And it's not worth a tenner.

-No.

-Yeah.

I think, if I put that into sale, I'd say it's a novelty thing,

£30 to £50.

-Right.

-See what happens.

-Yeah.

-It's mad.

It suits you two!

THEY LAUGH

We are mad!

-I'll take that as a compliment.

-It's a great compliment, yeah.

Beautiful, yet a bit mad.

-A one-off!

-Yeah.

-Well, why don't you see if you can get it for 20 quid?

-Yes.

-He seems ever such a nice man.

-Go on, woo him.

Watch out for some wooing here!

TRADER: How much are you going to offer me then?

£20? Please!

-£25 and you've got a bargain.

-Oh!

Please! Please! Please!

Could we give you a kiss on both cheeks...?

Not in front of the wife!

-..for 20?

-Would you mind if we give him a kiss?

-WIFE: No.

"Oh, help yourself," she said! Help yourself! Come on!

Let's get in there! £20, please, with a kiss.

We'll shake your hand and give you a kiss.

Oh, all right.

- You're lovely, lovely! - Well, come on, then.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

I'd like to say, "Game, set and match," but these girls

have yet to find one more item,

but 15 minutes in, two items down is pretty good going.

Meanwhile, this shopping lark

seems to be keeping our Reds pretty well hooked.

-It's like Long John Silver!

-You wouldn't use that one for buttons, would you?

No! No! That isn't a button hook!

No! That's for jolly big buttons!

Hey! There's a truncheon there.

Oh, gosh. Well, you're both working in the police.

-You don't use that in forensics, do you?

-No!

Sort of past the forensics stage once you've used that.

How much is it, please, sir?

It's £18.

-I'm not sure there's a great profit in it.

-I think £5.

Would you be willing to go £5?

What? From 18? No!

15, I'd say.

Nice try, Helen.

-Why don't we put it down, have a think?

-Yeah.

And we have got just short of 40 minutes

and we can come back to that.

That's right, Caroline. Just over 20 minutes gone.

When Robert Peel established his police force in 1829,

they were to be unarmed except for a truncheon,

which was to be used for self-defence.

The early decorative versions have become the most valuable,

some even fetching over £500.

Time to catch up with the Blues, who, it seems,

are still playing guessing games.

-I thought it might be a fire...

-Fire poker.

-..but it's not.

It's too short. I think you'd burn your hand if you did that.

So, come on, tell us. What's it for?

I believe it is a meat skewer.

-I was going to say that.

-Oh, really?

-Yeah.

-I was going to say that.

-Yeah.

-It could be a meat skewer.

-So, for serving at a very posh dinner party.

Date wise, what instinct do we have?

-Well, it's Victorian.

-How'd you know that?

-It says on there.

-THEY LAUGH

Now, when you say Victorian, what date is that?

I'd say 1880.

-Is that Victorian?

-No.

-Of course it is!

-Is it?

1837 to 1901. Anywhere in there, it's Victorian.

Let's leave the meat skewer... I mean, I think it's a meat skewer.

What? Is it a...? Do you feel it's a meat skewer?

No, it's a knife sharpener.

-A knife sharpener?

-Oh, yes!

-It's been well used over the years.

-Oh, I see.

-It's just been...

OK, well, we might come back for the sharpener/skewer later.

Huh! Back to Caroline now as she's about to share

some beauty tips with the Reds.

Do you know what it is?

-No.

-A giant pair of tweezers!

No! It's not a tuning fork and not a giant pair of tweezers.

-May I have a look, sir?

-Yes.

-What it is...

Have you heard of a marcel wave in your hair?

It's a curl, a form of curl that used to be done in about 1920s,

-1930s.

-OK.

-And these are French.

You can see here,

"Veritable per ondulateur marcel."

You would heat these,

and then put your hair in, turn them round and, voila,

-you would have your marcel wave in your hair.

-Fabulous!

-Yeah.

I don't know that there's a great use for them nowadays.

We've all got straighteners and curlers and things,

but they're really fun and they're not a tuning fork.

# Keep young and beautiful... #

We all like to keep young and beautiful, Caroline.

# Wear a marcel wave in your hair... #

Back to the Blues with our action man of the moment.

-We don't need an Action Man! We've got you!

-Aw!

Thank you very much indeed.

Yes, I model myself on Action Man, actually.

Look at the hairstyle.

Come on, girls, let's have a go.

All right, Blues. How do you feel it's going?

-David's been really helpful, hasn't he?

-Oh, he's been so helpful.

-Yeah, he's really...

-And he's gorgeous as well.

-Yes.

-We're going to take him home with us, aren't we?

-No.

Well, you can't have him anyway. He's ours.

Now, this, I think, is lovely.

Do you like it, Kate?

-Not particularly.

-Ah, OK, OK.

-It's not really me...

-No.

..but, I can see that it's pretty.

-The lily of the valley.

-Is it hand-painted?

-Yes.

-Can you feel that? Ridges.

Yes. It's a very pretty little thing.

A lot of detail's gone into it, a lot of work's gone into it.

Would you give us that for £15?

-TRADER: 18 would be the best.

-That's a nice Victorian one.

-What'd you reckon? 18?

-It happens to be my favourite flower,

but don't let that sway you...

at all. You don't like it, do you?

No, but I can see its attraction, I can.

-TRADER: There's money left in it.

-I think it's very nice quality.

-It's Victorian.

-Yeah.

Would you not come to 15 for us?

-Honestly, it would be making a mockery of the price!

-Yeah.

That includes wrapping, mind, and a bag.

-Oh!

-THEY LAUGH

-Shall we go with that? Yes, I think so. Thank you, sir.

-Thank you!

Thank you.

So, £18 buys the Reds their second item.

Well done! It's two-all.

Now, back to David, who's putting the Blues through their paces.

So, seeing as we've got a bit of a competition theme going here,

and I love competitions, you've tested me, I've tested you.

-Here comes another test.

-Go on, then.

-Strictly speaking...

-Yeah.

If it's Art Deco, it dates to,

not before what date?

1970?

DAVID SCOFFS

Quite close. Karen?

-About Victorian.

-Really?

-About 1920.

-DAVID LAUGHS

-Is it?

Right, I'm completely confused, because you said Victorian,

but 1920. You're very close, but that wasn't the Victorian period.

-Strictly speaking, not before 1925.

-Ah!

-Really?

Because Art Deco, the term, was coined after

the Arts and Decorative Fair, Paris, 1925...

-Ah, I see.

-..when that shape really hit the market.

-I like it, but...

I think it's quite a good price as well.

Well, you see, Karen, some people have got taste, you see?

No, she's done very well with the match thing.

-We'll move on.

-We're not going to go with the Art Deco clock.

-No.

-We've both got to like it.

-Come on, then. Come on, then.

Time is certainly starting to fly by.

Just 15 minutes left, teams!

-Do I like what?

-Are they not a compass?

No, they're not a compass.

It is actually a pocket watch.

-Oh, OK.

-How do you cope with her, Kate?

I think she needs an injection of hot chocolate.

Oh, I think she needs something, yes.

The search for bargains continues. Aye-aye!

What have the Reds spotted here?

What have you found, Kate?

-A circular chair!

-Yes! Yes.

Now, it's a bentwood chair.

Is it comfortable? Can I sit in it?

Do you want me to sit in it, then you can sit in it?

-THEY LAUGH

-Actually, that is quite comfy. Yeah.

It's good condition, it's great,

but I really would be happy to see it an awful lot less.

-So, do you want to do your magic, but...?

-I can try.

-I would think...

About 30?

It does, really.

We like this chair, but we feel it's a little bit too expensive.

Right.

We'd be looking more at 30, if you'd consider that.

Uh...no, I can't do that.

You can't do that. OK.

- The best I can do is 45. - 45.

What about 40, would you come down a little bit more for us?

40 I can do.

I would be much happier if it was 30,

but, obviously, the gentleman has a profit to make.

-He's shaking his head at 30.

-A profit to make, yeah.

- I really, really can't do... - What about 38?

Could you come down just £2 more for us?

She's got a lovely smile.

-Yes.

-And a good right hook.

Go on. 38...

-38, brilliant. Thank you.

-Thank you so much.

Nice negotiation, Helen. Well done, Reds.

That's all three items in the bag.

Now, if the Blues could just brush up slightly, they'd be there too.

-Oh, I like that. Look at that.

-Oh, that's very posh.

It is nice, but...

I bet that might be too posh for us, cos it's a ladies, or gents,

dressing table set.

-Yeah.

-How much is it?

TRADER: I've got 120 on it, but you can get it for 100.

-Is it hallmarked?

-It's hallmarked.

-Yeah. Do we have a date on it?

-It's going to be 1930s by style.

-Yes, it is. Yeah.

So, you've got... Oh, dear. Five minutes.

So, it's this or...? Would you do it for 90?

-No.

-No.

He makes a quick decision.

It's this or the knife sharpener, isn't it?

This is quite commercial, I've got to say.

-Hmm.

-Um...

I prefer this to the knife sharpener, to be honest with you.

And I liked it, so, go on, then. Shall we?

I... You're taking a chance and it's always good to take a chance.

It might go very badly wrong, at which point I will disappear.

I've got a good feeling about it.

Well, we come with nothing, didn't we? So...

You'll be going home with nowt as well.

Shake his hand.

-Thank you very much.

-Thank you.

'Excellent work, Blues. You've now completed your shopping task.

'Congratulations.'

Time's up! Well...

it is for him.

Let's check out what the Red team bought. Waah!

They planted a £10 note on this Portmeirion bowl

decorated in the Botanic Garden pattern.

The glass water bottle, painted with lilies of the valley,

cost them £18.

And they spent a sturdy £38 on a bentwood open armchair.

I think you look very happy,

but a little birdie told me that you didn't spend very much.

How much did you spend?

-£66.

-Is that all?!

-On all three items?

-Yes.

You're girls! Can't you go out and spend?!

Well, we had a tactic, you see.

You're less likely to lose lots of money if you spend less

-and maybe make more.

-I see, I see. OK, well, you could well be right.

We shall find out at the auction in a minute, won't we?

OK, which is your favourite piece?

-Um, probably the chair that we saw at the end.

-Yeah.

OK, that's your favourite favourite. Do you agree with that?

-I agree with that.

-Is that going to bring the biggest profit?

-Probably the bowl.

-Yes, I think Helen's choice, the bowl,

-will probably bring the biggest profit.

-All right, fine.

I would like £234, a phenomenal amount of cash.

Have you got that, darling? Thank you very much.

OK, well, it goes from the sublime to the ridiculous for you,

doesn't it? So, what are you going to do with all that?

-I've got a few ideas.

-"Spend the lot" type ideas?

-Possibly.

There's one or two. One, spend a little, one, spend a whole lot.

Yes, well, you're not going to give the game away, are you?

-No, I'm certainly not.

-Definitely not.

Well, you keep your lips sealed.

Anyway, good luck with that, and we're going to check out

right now what the Blue team bought, right?

They went into battle with this Scottish silver brooch

formed as a broadsword, which cost them £50.

A metal revolving match dispenser cost them a smoking £20.

And, finally, they paid a well-groomed £100 for

the silver six-piece dressing table set.

-We didn't get anything medical. I can't believe it.

-No.

-Never mind.

Well, I'm very please you didn't cos I'm quite squeamish, me.

-Anyway, did you have a nice time, Tracy?

-Lovely, thank you, yes.

-Now, which is your favourite piece?

-The...

-second thing we bought, which was a matchstick holder.

-Oh, yeah.

The thing with a circle, I can't remember.

-We don't know how to describe it!

-I don't really know the real name

-for it.

-It sounds marvellous...

whatever it is, girls! You've done very, very well with that.

Just stick with the medical stuff, all right? Anyway...

Now, Karen, which is your favourite thingumajig?

Well, I do like the matchstick holder thingy as well,

but, I quite liked the kilt pin.

-Did you?

-Yes.

-Was that your favourite favourite?

-Probably.

-OK, Tracy. Sum up all your descriptive powers here.

Which piece will bring the biggest profit?

-The odd matchstick holder type round thing.

-OK.

That's most of the programme used up. Great.

And how much did you spend all round?

-170, yeah.

-Yeah.

-Crikey!

-I've had to spend an hour with them!

It's a miracle you ever started!

-Anyway, £170, so, £130 of leftover lolly, please.

-Yes. Oh...

Yes, you've got to hand it back.

Now, give it...

-Here you go.

-She likes to hold it!

Very good luck, girls. So, you can go and have a cup of tea.

Harper goes off on the hunt and I'm going to take you to

look at something tribal that I found recently on my travels.

Well, just take a gander of what you can achieve in these fairs.

For a kick off, these four naive chip carvings.

Tribal and, in my opinion, West African.

These are everyday objects that a tribal member would have

used for a specific purpose and this one is in the form of a humanoid.

You've got eyes and a nose and a little mouth. Look!

And then, the shaft of this stick has been eccentrically

cut like that using a blunt old knife using another nick here

and I fancy what you did in your tribal setup was to wind some

sort of string or length of wool or leather around the middle

of this thing. In other words, it's a kind of skein holder, if you like.

Now, this one is clearly related,

possibly carved by the same hand,

but if you look at the end here, it's seriously rotted away

and what I like about these two is, they've got some colouring.

Bands of white, look,

and some rather suspicious looking blood red painted around the middle.

These two are even cruder.

Same sort of idea for this,

but I think he's been buried or some termites have got at him.

This one is a good example to show that there's some age to

these carvings.

And I guess they could be as old as 19th century.

Anyway, four very interesting naive tribal carvings.

Now, if you'd gone around the corner, you might have found,

on the adjacent stall, one of these.

Look at that.

The same sort of idea.

A utilitarian object, ie, a slingshot,

so you've taken the fork in a tree

and used it for a practical purpose

to create a little slingshot

and this one too has been carved with a human head.

Now, a lot of the tribal hairdos are incredibly elaborate,

either beaded or knotted or plaited in some elaborate sense and

therefore, if you were in that part of the world, you'd

desperately need one of these.

No opportunity to pop down to the chemists and get a comb

though, you had to make it yourself.

In this case, out of these little slivers of wood which have

been beautifully bound with this honeycomb binding to a handle

that's then applied with a long length of copper wire.

Aren't they marvellous? Well, I think they are.

And inexpensive. These four would cost you £10 each.

The slingshot base would cost you £15

and the little comb a further £15.

So, that is £70 for the group and at £70, that is

a fraction of the cost of the air ticket to get you to West Africa.

Well, well, well. Here we are in Philip's saleroom.

How many yards is it between here and the showground?

-I think it's about 2,000 paces.

-Well, it's very nice to be here.

-Dead handy.

-Yeah.

-Lovely.

Now, the Reds went for a kick-off with the Portmeirion bowl.

-It's not the oldest thing we've ever had.

-No, it's not.

-But...

that would have been quite an expensive object to go and buy

and Portmeirion's quite collectable. I could see that making around £20.

Can you? Lovely. Well, they paid 10. So, there's no problem.

-No, that's fine.

-This, I think, is absolutely charming, don't you?

-Yeah, yeah.

-I mean, it would have been, I guess,

a whole sort of set of these

-little scent decanters and maybe a pin trail, that kind of thing.

-Yeah.

-Where would you date that to, Tim?

-I should think about 1900.

-Yeah, I see that making £20 as well.

-Do you?

-That's OK, they paid £18.

-Oh, that's OK.

In fact, this team paid practically nothing for anything,

including this schoolroom type, Thonet type bentwood chair.

Well, there's a bit of a theme developing here,

cos guess what I think that's going to make?

-About £20.

-Yeah, spot on.

-Well, there you go.

-What did they pay for it?

-38.

-OK, not so good, then.

-Not really.

It's the sort of thing that, um, I mean, it wouldn't surprise me

if it did make £50,

but I think our estimate at £20 to £30 is probably about right.

Yeah, in which case they're going to come away from this

at about right, in which case they don't really need their

bonus buy, but we might just as well go and have a look at it anyway.

Well, well, well. What's happened to Helen?

I'm afraid she's poorly, Tim. She can't be here today.

Oh, what a shame. And you only spent £66,

which meant that Caroline went off with £244.

What did you spend it on, Caroline?

I spent it on...this.

-Oh, wow.

-A Chinese vase.

-Excellent.

Beautifully applied with these dragons coming round, the dogs of foo here.

-There's a little bit of restoration to the lip.

-OK.

-I would say it's 19th century.

-Uh-huh.

-Good quality.

-It's a good decorative piece.

-Ask her how much it's going to bring.

How much did it cost you?

-It cost me £150.

-OK. And how much do you think it will make?

-I think it'll make just a bit more than that, towards 200 possibly.

-OK.

-It's really a la mode at the moment.

-OK.

It's good colour, good size...yeah, have a look.

I want to see how heavy it is. Excellent.

Our forensic scientist is going to look at it and tell us

whether there's any restoration now, right?

Anyway, good, we've got a prediction as to profit, which is lovely.

You don't have to decide right now.

You might like to ring Helen and consult with her in the meanwhile,

but, right now, for the audience at home, let's find out what

the auctioneer thinks about Caroline's Chinese pot.

Right, then, Phil. A bit of Chinese, your favourite.

Yeah, well, we've had a lot of interest in this, actually,

from the old t'internet and, um, I'm not convinced it's that old.

I think it's probably 20th century, but I think it's got

a bit of mileage on that, and we've put 120 to 180 on it.

Very good cos Caroline's invested. She's popped £150 into that pot.

-Well, good girl. Good girl. So, she's got some confidence in it.

-She has.

-Well, it's the condition issue that goes in its favour, isn't it?

-Yeah.

Cos it's ready to go.

A bit like me. Now, that's it for the Reds. Now, for the Blues.

We kick on with their brooch, the Scottish brooch.

I think that's quite sweet

and the fact that it's Scottish is going to help it, I think, hugely.

-Hmm.

-I think we put, what? £40 to £60 on it.

A good following might make 80 quid.

-And it's got a nice bit of detailing to it.

-Yeah, I think that's OK.

-Will it make £50?

-I would be disappointed if it didn't.

-Right.

-Then you got this revolving match...

-Revolting? Did you say revolting?

-No, revolving.

-Oh, revolving! Sorry, my mistake.

-No, no, not at all.

So, what don't you like about it?

Wouldn't it be easier to tell you what I do like about it?

What do you like about it?

-Nothing.

-OK.

-I think, right, you've got the...

Whenever you do anything with these, you're never going to replace them.

-Mm-hm.

-The match strike is missing here.

Well, it comes from some other place, doesn't it?

Like Bulgaria or Romania or somewhere in Europe.

I quite like the novelty bit of it, I have to say,

and there are these people called phillumenologists, you know.

-You ever come across one?

-No, not lately.

No, well, a phillumenologist is a man who is really potty about

matches, and if a phillumenologist picks up on this thing,

I tell you, he could go bonkers. What's your estimate?

-Five quid.

-OK, £20 they paid.

So, they'll be lucky if they get their money back,

but you never know, you might ignite some interest.

Oh, I've been wrong on more occasions than

-I care to remember, Tim.

-OK, fine.

-Moving on, we've got the classic saleroom entry.

-Yes.

-Grandma's dressing table set.

-Absolutely.

-Complete with original brushes.

-Yeah.

These things do not get used,

-they don't get seen and they tend to just get melted really.

-Hmm.

-Well, you've got a jolly nice hand mirror though.

-It's lovely.

Which is practical and OK for today and I daresay the comb's not

too bad, but the brushes...this is where I find it so difficult.

Would you want to brush your hair with somebody else's old brushes?

-No.

-No.

-We've put £50 to £75 on it.

-Did you?

-Yeah.

-Silver price up or down, I take your point.

-Yeah.

But I think it probably will make around £100.

-It would be nice if it did.

-But the time you've pushed it really hard.

-We'll try very, very hard.

-OK, well, you're very, very trying.

-Yes.

-No!

-TIM LAUGHS

-OK, well, there's some potential there.

-Yeah.

But, on the probability of probability,

they'll need their bonus buy, so let's go and have a look at it.

OK, David Harper.

Show us what you spent £130 on.

OK, very appropriate for you two, something medical.

-I think you'll really appreciate this.

-Oh.

-Oh, yes.

Just, when I saw it, I thought of you two.

THEY LAUGH

-Thank you, David.

-It's my pleasure. Do you know what it is?

-No.

-It's quite cute, actually.

-It is cute. It's got a lovely look.

What does it say on the front then, Trace?

-Well, it's got a little tap, so that's for fluid of some kind.

-Yes.

It's French and it says, "A veritable", that means it's real,

-"irrigateur system". So, I fancy this is for the enema.

-It is!

Well done! It's Victorian. Look at the quality.

So, it's 1870, 1890, so well engineered. That's why I love it.

-David, how much did you pay for it?

-I bet you paid quite a lot for that.

-Yeah.

-£40 did you pay?

-No, I bet he paid about 60.

-Yeah, yeah...20.

-Did you?

I think because it's so off the wall, it's so quirky,

-it could make 40 or 60.

-Yes.

-It's different, it's medical,

-and some people do collect macabre sort of...

-They do, don't they?

Anyway, there it is then. £20 worth of enema machine.

-We don't sell many of these every week.

-Worth every penny.

Let's find out whether our auctioneer of the moment is

fond of the enema machine.

Well, this is a bit tasty, Phil.

-Yeah.

-I mean, we like a bit of kitchenalia, don't we?

-Yeah.

I think this has come from a slightly smaller room in the house.

-How are you on medical equipment?

-Well...

-From a sensitive area.

It has a novelty value. Do you know?

I found one of these on the internet that sold and it made,

I don't know, 28 quid or something like that,

-so, bizarrely, there's more than one of these around.

-Hmm.

Well, I think this man went into production, didn't he?

Because he said this is a number two, right?

A number two!

This is a Paris Number Two.

So, presumably, there's a number one somewhere.

-It's going to make £20 to £30.

-Do you reckon?

-I think so, yeah.

-Following the estimate that you've seen elsewhere.

-Yeah.

On the other hand, the team may be so disgusted by this

-device that they won't go with it anyway and there we are.

-Well...

-Happy with that?

-Elated.

-Yeah? I'm deflated.

At £600. We're done then at 600

and done. Thank you. Your number is...

-This is Kate's first ever auction.

-Never!

You've never been to a saleroom before?!

-No!

-Now you have to be here alone, which is what's so miserable!

-You haven't got Helen to support you.

-No, I haven't.

But, see this lot, it's absolutely jam-packed.

You can't get a sheet of Bronco between the bidders, they're that

-tightly jammed into the saleroom, which is a good sign, actually.

-OK.

-And they're bidding up nicely.

-Yeah.

And I'd say the auction's going very well.

And the first item up is the Portmeirion bowl and here it comes.

I bid £10 on the book. 10, 20.

A bid at 20. At £20 only. At 20, 30,

40. 50.

-50!

-£50 right at the back.

At £50, only at 50.

Any more at all? At £50 right at the back

and I sell then at 50 and done. Thank you.

-£50. Thank you very much, is plus £40.

-Oh, my God!

Just as quick as a wink. I told you! Now, your water bottle.

£30 to start me. Quickly, 30.

20. 10's a shout, quickly. 10, everywhere at 10. Quickly. 20 now.

-At 10, 20, 20 bid. Your bid, sir. At £20, only.

-You're out of trouble.

-Yeah.

-At 20, an early bid. Any more at all?

At £20, there's the bid and I sell then at 20 and done. Thank you.

£20 is plus £2, so that's brilliant. Now, your armchair.

The Thonet style chair, lot number 213, bid me for that. £60 to start.

Bid me 50.

-Oh, Lord.

-Oh, Lordy!

-Oh!

-20, someone, quickly.

20, I am bid at 20. At £20 only at 20. There's the bid, £20 only at 20.

Any more? At 20, 20 bid. Is there any more?

At 30, 40. One more.

-40 bid.

-40! 40!

-One more.

-Look at that.

-40 bid.

-You've been seated at 40. £40 only. Any more at all at £40?

-40.

You've made a profit on each lot. You have made a profit on each lot

-at £40...

-At £40 and done and away.

-Yes!

-Yes!

-That is so good! Plus £2 on that, which means, overall,

you're plus 44.

You made a profit on every single lot, which is

something to report to

-the invalid in bed. Now...

-Oh, I wish Helen was here.

Now, are you going to go with the bonus buy, which cost £150?

I think I might have to leave it.

OK, no, it's absolutely up to you, Kate, that's...

-I mean, it's the responsibility...

-It is.

I'm in profit already, I don't want to risk it.

-So, you're not going to go with the bonus buy?

-No.

You're going to keep the £44 in your back pocket.

We're going to sell it anyway and here it comes.

The Chinese vase, bid me for that.

Who's got a couple of hundred to start me?

200.

200 I am bid on the net at 200. At £200 only.

At £200 only, internet bid.

At 200, is there any more? At 200 only, any more at all.

The maiden bid, the first bid, and only bid, look, is £200.

£200. Well done, Caroline. Is a profit of £50.

You didn't go with your bonus buy.

You've got a profit on every other item though,

so you're still plus £44, which is super.

Get on the blower, fill Hels in, don't say a word to the Blues,

and all will be revealed in a moment.

Well done and well done, Caroline.

-Do you know how the Reds got on?

-No.

-No idea.

Do you know how the Red get on?

-No.

-No idea.

-No, no. Poor Kate.

-All on her own, eh?

You wouldn't want to come on your own, would you?

-No.

-I don't know!

-Tracy!

-You're getting chatted up there, Tim!

Tracy! You are a shocker!

OK, well, first up then is your lovely Scottish silver brooch

and here it comes.

Bid me £50.

-50.

-Surely?

-Did he say 50?

-£30.

-Oh!

Oh, bid me, someone.

Where did that come from?

You're all too heart, you are! At 20, I am bid at 20, 30, and again.

You're allowed two bids.

40. 40 bid at 40. One more, sir. At 50, 50 bid. There's the bid...

-It's got 50.

-50 bid. At £50 I sell then at £50.

-It's wiped its face.

-And thank you.

-It's safe.

-£50 is £50. There's no mucking about with that.

-That's all right.

-50's 50.

-Oof, this is the one.

-The match dispenser.

Absolutely awful.

THEY LAUGH

I've got £30 bid on the book at £30.

At £30 only at 30,

30 I'm bid. Bid's here at 30.

-40.

-ALL: Yes!

At 40, God help us, at £40. An early bid at 40. There's the bid.

-We knew, didn't we?

-Have you got your glasses, Albert? You'll need them.

At £40 bid. I should put them on. At £40 and done then at 40.

That's marvellous, girls. Look at that. You've doubled your money.

That is plus £20. How good is that?

£5, he doesn't know what he talks about.

Here we go. Now, the dressing table set. This is dodgy.

Bid me £50 to start, someone.

-50, I am bid at 50. 50 bid. At 50, a cheap lot, at £50.

-Come on.

-50 bid.

-Any more at...? 50, 60, 70, 80, 80 bid, go on, 90...

-Go on.

-£90.

-One more, ma'am.

-Go on.

-At £90. One more.

100. 10 now.

-At 100 only, there's the bid at £100 only.

-It's £100, you paid £100.

-I don't believe it. Two wiped faces.

-Done then at 100 and thank you.

£100, a wiped face! Yes!

-Yes!

-So, girls, listen to me, listen, watch my lips. You are

plus £20. So, what are you going to do about our friend the enema?

You decide, Kate. Go on, you decide.

Well, I think for £20, I think someone will definitely...

-Go on, then.

-They'll have a tickle, won't they?

-Let's do it, yeah, yeah.

-We're going to go with it.

-They're going with it.

-And I don't blame you, quite frankly.

Now, that you've decided that you're going with the enema machine,

I can tell you that Philip has puffed it up to £20 to £30.

-OK, interesting.

-So, he fancies it. Here we go then.

If you've got everything in your life, this is, well...

There we go, the enema machine. Who's got £30?

Who needs it? No, I won't go there... Who's got £30?

It's very desirable!

-Oh!

-20 I am bid on the book at 20.

Commission bid at 20, £20 only, who's got 30?

At £20, an only bid at 20. One more. I've got 30 on the net, 30.

-One more for 40.

-Go on, the net!

-40, 40 bid, £40.

-Well done.

-It must be somebody in France.

-Don't come back here if it doesn't work.

-At 40, £40 only. There's the bid.

-Come on!

At £40 then and I sell at 40 and done, thank you.

-ALL: Yes!

-Well done, Dave.

Look at that. £40. You are plus £20, which means

overall you are plus £40.

-Brilliant!

-How cool is that, girls?

-Oh, fantastic. Marvellous.

This could be a winning score, girls. Don't say a word to the Red.

-OK.

-The Red!

-The Red!

Well, it's no secret that both teams are

-substantially in profit.

-Wahey!

-Oh!

Everybody's going home with folding money and I can reveal that

there's only £4 in it between the two teams today.

-Ooh, that's close!

-Oh, that's too close!

Bottom-clenchingly close!

You had to do it, Tim!

Well, what I have to tell you is...

marginally behind are...

-the Blues.

-ALL: Oh!

-Not to worry.

-Which is very, very sad, really,

cos you had a wiped face, you made a £20 profit,

you had another wiped face and then your enema came up tops.

Or bottoms!

That's £40. How do you feel about this?

-Absolutely marvellous.

-There we go, it's folding money,

-which is marvellous.

-Thank you.

-I congratulate you.

You've been great sports, you girls. Well done, Dave.

It's been a hoot, I tell you, and almost as much a hoot as

it's been for the Reds, but, sadly, without Hels.

-I know, I really wish she was here.

-So, here comes your £44

-and here's the £4 to make the total.

-Thank you.

And, of course, because you made a substantial profit on every item.

-No!

-No!

And the expert made a substantial profit on her bonus buy, so,

well done, Caroline on that, except, sadly, you didn't go with it.

It means that you can enter the ancient

and venerable order of the Golden Gavels.

Look at that! Mark Two, new design.

Now, one for Helen, this is for her in her sick bed, poor love.

-Oh.

-And Caroline.

-Thank you.

-How about that?

Is that not a moment in your life?

-It is a moment.

-Very, very special.

-Oh!

-And well deserved, I have to say, so congratulations.

-Thank you.

-Golden Gavels awarded. It's been fun though, hasn't it, kids?

-It has.

-Join us soon for some more bargain hunting. Yes?

-ALL: Yes!

I know you're sitting there thinking,

"I could have done better than that!" Well, what's stopping you?

If you think you can spot a bargain, go to our BBC website and apply.

It'll be splendid to see you.