Episode 8 Can't Touch This

One rule - touch the prize, win the prize.

But doing that takes a whole load of this.

A ridiculous amount of this.

And absolutely masses of this.

This is... BOTH: Can't Touch This!

Hello and welcome to Can't Touch This. I'm Zoe Ball.

And I'm Ashley Banjo.

Tonight our brave contestants will be going all out to try

and win a whole load of prizes.

And all they have to do win them is touch them,

which you might think sounds really quite easy, but I assure you it's not.

It really isn't. This course takes no prisoners,

and touching those prizes is going to take strength,

determination, flexibility and maybe even a little cunning.

Yes, we haven't made it easy for them, and why would we?

There's some quality gear on offer, including our ultimate prize,

-a brand-new car.

-Absolutely.

So, let's meet tonight's contestants with the help of the third member

of our hosting team, the magnificent Sue Perkins.

She'll be providing the commentary and expert analysis

as our contestants make their way around the course.

Honestly, her attention to detail is phenomenal. Over to you, Sue.

Hello! Hi! Um, yes, let's meet tonight's contestants.

They're brave. They're bold.

Most importantly, they're stuck standing there until I finish speaking.

Tonight these mighty warriors will attempt to make their families,

if not their country, proud.

Oh, I saw that!

Within their ranks, a stuntwoman who's watching you...

..a curious, nodding man.

And this lady. She redefines fear.

And they're all hoping they CAN touch this tonight.

And it all starts here.

Our catapult sends our contestants on a short

but exhilarating flight into a foam pit.

Then, it's on to the Travelator.

High above is the first touch point.

Touch it and bank a trampoline. Oh, the irony.

Also on the Travelator, the second touch point,

which banks a cross trainer.

It gets very angry if you don't use it.

But one misstep on the Travelator and you'll be in the drink.

Then it's the short trip to Stack 'Em High.

Just build a tower to reach touch point number three

and bank a luggage set.

No need for supermarket bags now.

Then take the mighty pole across the water to the Beam.

Dodge the swinging punch bags to reach the fourth touch point

and bank a games console.

Saves building that assault course in your bedroom.

Next, it's down the Slide, to the

two swinging touch points which bank a tablet and a 3D printer.

Print out a new family!

The last touch point stops the clock and banks a camera.

Remember them?

For each touch point they've missed, they get a 30-second penalty.

And whoever gets through to the end of the show gets a chance

to win what they've banked.

Don't blame me - Zoe Ball made me do it!

So, that's round one. Piece of cake.

Yes - if that cake is a very large and treacherous obstacle course.

Let's find out who's up first.

First up, this is Andrea from Tadworth.

A mum with a particular set of skills.

I happen to know that you're a professional stuntwoman,

martial artist and tennis coach.

Oh, yeah, there's a lot to me, young man.

You're also training to become a motivational speaker.

So, how did you motivate yourself for this?

I think my motivation comes from my daughter, Lana, who loves you.

I will give you a hug because she won't forgive me unless I do.

And I just want her to see, I might be a single mum, but I've

still got a bit of something, and I can, you know, give it my best shot.

Well, it's time to get catapulting. Give me that hug, good luck!

-Yeah! Bring it on!

-Let's go!

Just like a pro, Andrea is visualising her entry there,

whilst...gently strangling herself.

Fire her!

Nice landing! Landed like a stuntwoman.

No fear whatsoever. Like a pro.

Actually, that was kind of headfirst

Come on, girl! Now she's going to run.

Here she goes!

Oh, my God!

Now, the first touch point banks that trampoline.

Compose yourself!

Sorted!

Classic landing-on-the-teeth technique. Textbook.

That was... Stop laughing!

The second touch point at the end of the Travelator banks

the cross trainer, so she can get fit for...Travelators

Remember, people, Andrea is a professional.

She'll do whatever it takes to bank that cross trainer.

Well, OK, looks like we're moving on to Stack 'Em High.

Touch the touch point hanging above and bank a set of luggage.

OK, up she goes.

Come on, Andrea!

Just like that.

Good work, good work.

Now it's the Wall Of Doooooom!

Come on, Andrea. Visualise a rope ladder.

Up she goes. OK. Oh!

Don't listen to me, then

-Woo!

-Ouch!

-That was a slip.

-Did that hurt?

-No!

-Nah!

She's a stuntwoman, Zoe.

Yeah, she's thrown herself out of a car!

OK. This is the time. Yeah, good girl.

-Well done. Nice.

-Bring it on!

Bring it on we shall. This is the Pole Vault.

It's high, isn't it?!

It's high. It's horrible.

I can't look.

Well, it's pretty high up for reasons of fun.

All she has to do is pop over to the other side.

How hard can that be?

Nice slide!

Ooh! That was... That was her head. That was her face.

Yes, luckily all the impact was to her head.

-How's the water?

-It's so warm!

THEY LAUGH

Time for the Beam. And the punch bags.

I mean, it sounds easy.

-She's just seen the Beam and she went...

-HE SIGHS

The fourth touch point is just underneath

and it banks a games console, which is useful

because you're likely to be off your feet for a while after this one.

Yes! Good work.

-Oh, that was close.

-Nice!

Right, she's gotta get low.

No, no, get low! Is she...? No! Get low!

Is she going to give up on the games console? Oh!

She's going back!

-Ah!

-No.

-And, she's going down.

Ah, finished by the big baddie punch bag on the last level.

Extra points for going in headfirst, though.

That singular punch bag just waited for her.

Waited for the right moment. Took her out.

-Hello!

-Hello.

Finally, Andrea's at the Slide.

The two swinging touch points

bank that tablet and the 3D printer.

And she banked the tablet.

She'll need one after that.

And she stops the clock and banks the camera,

picking up three 30-second time penalties,

giving her a total time of seven minutes and 47 seconds.

Professionally done, Andrea.

Andrea, that was... That was splendid stuff.

Your fall from the Beam was so graceful.

I was slightly hysterical.

I think Lana will be so proud of her mummy. Good work

Whoo! Hi, Lana!

Up next is very fit Victoria.

A football coach from Swindon.

Shoot her out!

-I'm expecting good things from Victoria.

-Wahey!

And that did not disappoint.

That's one hell of a throw-in.

Those legs, they go on for ever! Wow.

And she's off.

Now the small matter of the big trampoline.

Banked.

-Oh, saved her face, though.

-Oh, Whoa! Whoa!

She's like some kind of Wonder Woman!

She is... She's unbelievable!

Not that bit!

Ooh! Not very wonderful, to be fair.

Didn't end well.

Can she tackle the Wall Of Doom?

No.

Oh, no, she's off!

So far she's more of a "well, she gave it a go" woman.

Now the pole vault.

She's doing the maths. No, she's just going to go for it!

ZOE SQUEALS

Wunderbar!

Ouch!

It just... It just never gets old.

Don't worry, one of Wonder Woman's skills is to make a rapid recovery in an edit.

See? Now, can she defeat the Beam and the punch bags?

Not in any way. No.

Cracking landing.

No technique there, she just went for it.

Wonder Woman on her invisible slide now.

Go, Victoria!

And she banks the tablet and the 3D printer. Great finish!

Wonder Woman stops the clock and banks the camera in a wonderful time

of six minutes, three seconds - including penalties.

-Well done, good effort.

-Thank you very much.

-You pleased?

-Very much so.

-She's thrilled. She's amazing!

This is Steve. He's a policeman from Sheffield.

Steve, I am told that you take part in Man Vs Food-type challenges.

-Yeah, that's right, I do.

-What was your most successful?

The most successful was a burger one that I did in a certain time.

It was burgers, fries, onion rings. You name it, it was on that plate, and I ate it.

Someone had better feed this guy. But who could possibly?

Hello. Meet Andy from Belfast - he's a chef!

What's on the menu today, though? Have you had a look at the course? What do you reckon?

Oh, I've had a look at the course. It's going to be like a chicken run,

-but, hey, this round we're going to have fun, going to have fun doing it. Going to try, anyway.

-OK.

Well, that's cleared that up.

Now let's play Man VS Man Who Prepares Food!

Help yourself to the buffet, lads.

Let's see what Chef Andy can rustle up for Steve in our Can't Touch This kitchen.

Service!

ZOE AND ASHLEY LAUGH That's my favourite!

It's bearded chef in a foam jus for starters.

Whoo!

At the Travelator now, he banks the trampoline and...

Nice.

Did someone order the battered roll?

Look at that! Oh!

You'll need more than one, though, Steve's a growing lad.

Oops, nearly forgot the dip.

That's better. Mmmmm, yummy!

Andy made a great starter for Steve and banked himself a luggage set.

Now he's onto the cheese board. I might skip it.

This is bloody hard, guys!

-That is the understatement of the year.

-Yeah.

Wait till you see the main course.

And as requested, sir,

here's your over-sized blue bowl of miso soup. Give it a good stir.

Ooh! He hit that water hard.

That's going to need one of those blue plasters.

And chef Andy, what are you going to do if there's any leftovers?

Freezin'.

Ah, Stevie Big Fries, the man who puts his stomach where his mouth his.

He banks the trampoline, and laps up those crispy rolls.

He's good, he's good! Look at that!

He banks a cross trainer, as a side.

-Whoo!

-Whoo!

-Come on, Stevie boy!

-Look at this!

And Stevie's suddenly got a big appetite for Stack 'em High.

-Can he make that work?

-If he makes this work...

Banks a tasty luggage set.

-Come on!

-I like him a lot.

Stevie Big Fries Loves his cheese. What an appetite!

-He just...

-He did that.

But how do you like your soup, Stevie?

Can he do the Pole Vault?

I think he'll need a bigger spoon.

Ooh good effort. And a cling-on.

-Good save!

-It's probably one of the best tries yet.

That is one of the best attempts - he held on.

So, while Stevie Big Fries tries to keep his food down,

let's see if the next course is ready.

Chef Andy on the bream!

Taking his time, now.

Oh, instant noodles. Good idea.

Amazing!

He's sliding back for the games console, and he banks it!

Oooh! And he's got egg over his face.

Just the Slide now. Can he bank the tablet and 3D printer?

He's got the tablet and makes a start on the washing-up!

Banks the camera, but picked up two 30-second penalties,

so ends up with a scrumptious time of six minutes and 22 seconds.

Compliments to the chef!

There was a moment halfway through the course that you kind of went,

"This is hard!" Did it kind of hit you?

It was the coldness of the water.

Yeah, and you gave it to the punch bags, you were like,

"Come on, come on!" They got you in the end, didn't they?

They did, they did. It was that last one, sneaky little devil.

-I really hope we see you again, well done, man.

-Thank you, Ashley.

Stevie Big Fries on the Beam.

No!

-Hot dog!

-Oh, shucks!

Like any self-respecting gourmand, he dives straight into the chips.

The big blue foam chips.

Just the Slide left.

And he banks the tablet. Great for indigestion.

Stevie Big Fries banks the camera and stops the clock.

He also picked up two 30-second penalties, but ended up with

a stomach-curdling time of three minutes and 32 seconds.

Guess I'm the "Sue" chef.

-Now, you are a machine, look at you. And it showed.

-Yeah.

-You absolutely flew through the first part.

-Yeah.

But then you got caught out on the Beam and punch bags.

Exactly. As soon as it happened, as soon as I got wet,

lost my orientation a little bit, and from there... Phew!

Next up is Trudy. Trudy told us that she's rather accident-prone.

So our producers thought - why not fire her out of a catapult?

Careful, Trudy! Arms in!

-That's the best yet!

-The limbs went flying!

Waaah!

Trudy at the Travelator.

Oooh!

It's almost like she needs a trampoline to make that jump to win the trampoline.

She's going back, she's going back for more.

Trudy, don't swallow the water!

Oh, my God!

Stack 'Em High tower, now.

-No.

-I can't look.

-Oh! No, no, no!

And a Leaning Tower of Trudy.

Trudy!

That was pretty much anti-gravity.

It was on its side, and Trudy was there.

How did she actually do that, though?

The whole nation held their breath.

It was literally on its side, like that.

The Pole Vault.

And I'm eating my own hands with the worry.

Little Trudy and a huge pole - this could be quite spectacular.

I didn't look. What happened - did she make it?

Oh, wow!

On the plus side, doctors say she'll have no memory of that happening.

Or of anything else.

Trudy, how are you? Are you all right there, darling?

You all right, Trudy?

Little bit of a fright, but...

Oh, gosh!

I mean, she bounced back off that pole.

Oh, my goodness!

All right, Trudy, let's just take this one step at a time.

Now, she's very accident prone,

so what's going to happen on the punch bags?

You can't just look at them, Trudy, you gotta...

-Yes! She hung on there!

-She just hung on!

Oh! I can't take it.

Oh, that's amazing. Oh, Trudy!

Oh, she really is an accident waiting to happen.

It has happened. It has happened.

Amazing!

Just the Slide now and then we can all relax, insurance-wise.

Ah! She's missed them both!

But she banks the camera and stops the clock with

a time of seven minutes, 24 seconds - including penalties.

I think we can all agree that, legally,

it was her own choice to come on the show.

-How was that?

-That was hard. Is my nose still in the right place?

-Yeah.

-It really hurt!

-Yeah, it's all right, it's all right.

You had a bit of a faceplant there, didn't you, against the Pole Vault?

I did! It didn't like me, did it? Got to have a coffee.

Yeah, off you go!

This is Ross, from Kilmarnock. He's a gardener and a tree surgeon.

So he's not going to have an issue with the heights.

Is everything going to come up roses for you today,

or will you be barking up the wrong tree on this course?

Well, Zoe, hopefully these green fingers will hopefully

have nothing but prizes in them at the end of today.

Oh, he's better than me. I'm fired.

Green Fingers at the Travelator. Trampoline banked!

-No mucking around from Ross - straight in! Oh!

-Oh!

Saved himself from the water,

which surely is going to work in his favour.

It didn't save his shoes, though!

Oh, no cross trainer for Green Fingers, but what about the luggage?

He's flying. If he can do this, if he can touch it first time...

-This is absurdly quick.

-Yes!

Banked!

-Oh, and he's surfed to the wall.

-He's surfing?!

Now for the Wall Of Doom.

Come on, you're going to need a block. Gotcha!

Pole Vault - that's like a bad day at work for him.

Don't worry, we won't grass you up.

-Onto the Beam now.

-Ha! Missed me!

-ZOE LAUGHS

-I think he's lost the plot.

Oh, Ross, I can't look. Oh, Gosh!

-Oh!

-Oh! Nicely held, Ross.

-Good work. Oh!

-It's just the last minute.

Shame! That's such a shame.

Oh! Into the foam with you.

Just the Slide left and those last two touch points.

Hope no-one's weed in there.

-What? It's a gardening joke.

-KLAXON

Green Fingers stops the clock and banks the camera.

Ross powered round the course in four minutes and 35 seconds, including penalties.

Oh, let's get my leaderboard out.

Stevie Big Fries has eaten into a massive lead with a time of 3:32.

And it's our very own stuntwoman Andrea bringing up the rear.

Will she be able to hold on?

Still to come on Can't Touch This...

The Wrinkly One.

The Tickly One.

And the...her!

Will any of them make the top six, and go on to leap for that car?

Meet Anthony, a retired IT consultant from Warrington.

This spritely chap is 63,

so I'm sure this will be completely incident-free.

Anthony, welcome to the show.

What do your six grandchildren think of you doing something as crazy as this?

They just think I'm going to come and win it and, of course,

-I'm going to try and prove them right. Simple.

-Yeah, come on!

Do it for the grandkids! I have every faith in you.

Anthony, off you go. KLAXON

Blast him! Gently. He's 63.

Look at Grandad fly! There he goes!

Looking good, Anthony!

Anthony at the Travelator.

It's fine, he's got one of these in his hallway.

Oh, he'll be feeling that in the morning.

The face pain, not the trampoline.

-No.

-You all right, Anthony?

Who's logging in next to troll our assault course of dreams?

Ah! This is Jane,

a hospital secretary who loves Michael Jackson's dancing!

She hasn't seen mine.

Being a fan of Michael and looking at the course, how are you going to beat it?

Just going to try and throw in a few moves of my own.

-Jane at the Travelator.

-Oh!

-I like her, she's good and leapy.

Shamone! That looked painful!

Good splash down. It's just so slippy!

She works in a hospital - she's fine with drips.

No trampoline or cross trainer for Jane.

Let's head back to Grandad Anthony.

# The fire's in their eyes and their words are really clear... #

-Oh!

-Oh!

-OH!

-No!

-So close!

-So close!

And that's refreshed his software.

-Stack 'Em High.

-I can't see any! Oh.

-Ah.

And now Jane at Stack 'Em High.

-She's taking it re-e-eally slow.

-Ninja.

-That's it!

-See, Anthony? She did it without looking. Now you try.

-Yes!

-Boom!

-Yes! Good work, Anthony!

-Banked a luggage set!

Brilliant, brilliant work!

Anthony at the Wall Of Doom!

The nation holds their breath for Anthony.

-And he's up.

-He's up!

-THEY CLAP

I'm going to hold my breath for this one.

-Still holding my breath.

-Oh, no. Don't. No.

And breathe!

-You all right there, Anthony?

-Come on, Anthony!

-You OK there?

Ah. Need a bigger box.

Hmm, box. I think that's a cricket term?

Jane's on the Beam now!

Oh! At least it was quick!

Getting out of there wasn't though.

Jane finished the course with a time of eight minutes and 28 seconds.

Anthony has adjusted his box and is now focused on the Beam

and those nasty punch bags!

Cool as a grey cucumber.

Bad luck! Bad luck, Anthony!

Although he resisted the urge to carry on,

Anthony will still go back to Warrington a legend.

Right, let me get my leaderboard out of my trousers.

Neither Anthony or Jane have made an impact on the top six.

Meaning, on 7:47, Andrea from Tadworth is the one to beat.

The bad news is she's a stunt woman!

This is Jo from London. He hates to lose.

Luckily, it doesn't happen very often. He says.

Jo, I'm told you're very competitive and hate losing.

But your mates just call you Jammy because they think you're lucky.

-Yeah.

-So today is it going to be luck or judgment?

It's definitely judgment, and today is Judgment Day for this course.

-BUZZER

-Hooo!

Watch him fly! HE YELPS

-He did a yelp!

-He did a yelp!

That must be his lucky scream!

Jammy Jo at the Travelator and BOOM, banks a trampoline.

I like his style.

MUSIC: Ace Of Spades by Motorhead

-Oh, wow!

-Powering through, gets the cross trainer!

-Come on!

-He wanted those!

-Too tired to use it now.

Now the Leap. Careful, Jo, you're going to complete the series!

-He refuses to go slow!

-Stack 'Em High.

And he's banked the luggage, too!

Whatever. Whatever! Jo, can you make it? Can you make it?

Jo, please slow down. I get paid by the hour.

If anyone can do this Pole Vault, it's Jo.

-If he does this, I'll be so happy.

-I might cry.

-Oh, unlucky.

-Oh! Not a bad attempt!

-No.

-But he kept his head above water.

-Yep!

-Very classy.

Jo on the Beam.

Misses the first three.

Oh!

Oh, pushing his luck there.

But that's the games console banked!

Just two touch points left for a full house.

Can he bank both prizes?

Yes, he can!

And he banks the camera and stops the clock at a ridiculously

fast time of two minutes, 14 seconds.

Was it luck? Was it skill?

Whatever it was, it was the fastest time of the series so far.

-Dynamite!

-Thank you very much.

-Not bad, and good time.

If you don't go through, I'll eat my hat.

-I'll eat your hat. Well done.

-Thank you very much. Cheers.

Say hello to Willie. He milks a lot of cows.

So either he's a farmer or he's got a really weird hobby.

He's a farmer - from Dromore in Northern Ireland, since you asked.

Willie at the Travelator - banks the trampoline.

-Go on, go on, go on! Come on, Willie.

-Oh, oh, oh! Oh, not quite!

-He's good!

-He's flying!

Tiring a little now.

To be fair, he's probably been up before I went to bed.

One last attempt. It's so difficult when you're that soaked.

-Go on, go on!

-Oh!

-Yes! Whoo!

-Now for the leap. Willie? Won't he? He Willie!

Willie flew through Stack 'Em High, as you'd expect,

and now he's at the pole.

-Oh, close!

-So close, so near and, well...

He says he likes flying, but that's technically just falling.

Willie missed out on the games console,

just the Slide left and those two swinging touch points.

And he banks them both! Good lad. Remarkable!

The Flying Farmer banks the camera and stops the clock.

He flew through the course with a total time of three minutes and 32 seconds - including penalties.

Ha-ha-ha! He hit his head on the touch point!

-How was it?

-It was hard.

Thanks for that! THEY LAUGH

This is our water baby, Anna from Manchester.

Bless her, she's only 18! I've got jokes older than that.

Anna, welcome. You're a bit of a scuba diver.

You love water. Do you think you're going to love our water?

It's a bit cold. And the rest of the course?

Yeah, well, I've never let water stop me before, so...

Underwater Anna at the overwater Travelator.

-Yes! Oh!

-Trampoline banked!

Luckily she's got an A-level in falling on her neck.

Scuba dive, ten out of ten!

-Oh!

-The double - the face splash. You all right there, Anna?

-She's not hanging around.

-Come on, Anna!

-Oh! Ow!

That's enough to give you the bends.

Stack 'Em High now, and that's not dangerous at all.

Somebody please call a responsible adult.

-Not me. I'm not one.

-She's got it.

-Luggage banked!

Yes! Good work! Whoo!

Anna banked the games console on the Beam and now,

it's just the Slide and she banks the tablet - great for diving.

And that's the camera banked and the clock stopped.

Anna stormed round the course in a time of four minutes, 48 seconds - including penalties.

Nice backwards dive thing there.

-How was that?

-You're going to kill me a little bit!

Right, let me soap off that leaderboard.

Jammy Jo flukes his way into the lead

with a record-breaking time of 2:14.

Our Flying Farmer just misses out on second place by two tenths of a second.

Don't forget Underwater Anna who sneaks in at fifth place.

And that means we've lost Chef Andy, Calamity Trudy,

and Stunt Woman Andrea,

making Wonder Woman Victoria our one to beat.

She's actually a real Wonder Woman, by the way. We checked.

Next up is Tony.

He's a call-centre operator from Liverpool

and his friends call him Del Boy.

-Hmm.

-I hear you're a very competitive dad.

-I am.

But your competitors today are a little bit older -

-how are you going to beat them, Tony?

-Cheat.

Well, we've got a few cameras in today, so you might get caught.

Tony "Del Boy" at the Travelator now and - cushty!

-He banks the trampoline.

-He's good, he's good!

-He's up!

-Come on!

-Tony's got skills!

Cross trainer banked. Mange tout. Can Tony make the leap?

You plonker...is the noise he made on entering the water.

SHE LAUGHS It's fre-e-ezing!

-Stack 'Em High now.

-Here he goes.

And effortlessly banks the luggage.

-Ooof!

-He didn't even totally wipe himself out!

The Wall Of Doom was no problem for Tony "Del Boy",

but now he's at the Pole. Remember, Tony - he who dares swims.

Nice top, Tony. Is that part of a look?

Ah, you can feel how cold that water is!

-You all right there, mate? Great!

-Got a thumbs up from Tony!

Del Boy missed out on a games console, now just the Slide left.

And he banks the tablet and a 3D printer. Amazing!

Bags the camera and stops the clock with a total time

of four minutes, 59 seconds, including penalties.

A nice little earner!

That water looked very cold in the Pole Vault.

-It is very. This water's just as cold!

-Was it a shock?

-Yeah.

-Well done.

-Thank you. Cheers, Ashley.

Say hello to Lana. She's a dog-lover from Dorset who...does cat hands.

This is hugely confusing. Launch!

KLAXON Takes flight. Wow!

-SHE SCREAMS

-Ha-ha! She's a screamer.

You'd almost think it was scary getting fired out of that rusty old thing.

Top Dog at the Travelator. Oh!

-Oh!

-And a bash on the knees. Stops the roll!

-Oh, good roll! Stops dunking. No dunking.

-Right, here we go.

-No dunking yet.

-And cold bath time.

# And they called it puppy love... #

She liked it so much she did it again!

My watch tells me it's time for a silly voice.

So allow me to introduce...

-CLIPPED VOICE:

-So you've just opened your new shallow pool of freezing

cold water and you're wondering how to leap across?

Allow me.

Method one - use speed to gather.

Method two - once the elbows make it, the rest is easy.

Method three - don't lose faith just because you're in a seated position.

-Yes!

-Look at that!

-THEY CLAP AND CHEER

Here's what not to do. Don't forget to jump.

# Bang, bang into the room... #

Try to prepare well for the leap.

Oh!

It's always best to have a clear head.

SHRIEKS

-Yey!

-Oh-ho!

And never attempt the leap from a standing position. It's impossible.

So please stop trying it.

Top Dog Lana banked the luggage at Stack 'Em High with no problems.

-Now it's...

-The Pole Vault.

-The Pole Vault.

Yup, get that itch. Nice big hug...

-No.

-..and then...

-Good scream, though!

-Ha-ha-ha!

-No rosette for that.

Can the Top Dog defeat the Beam?

-Oh, don't knock me over.

-Or will it be walkies into the foam?

What technique will she go for? Oh, no!

-SHE SHRIEKS

-Off the obstacle.

Lana "Top Dog" sounding a little bit husky there.

Lana on the Slide.

Can she bank the tablet and the 3D printer and be the Best In Show?

Well, she's banked the tablet! Your dog's going to love that!

And she banks the camera and stops the clock with a total

time of six minutes, 24 seconds, including penalties. Give your dog a bone, Lana!

But not one of those annoying squeaky ones. Don't you hate them?

Do you know, the thing I love about you, Lana - you're smiling after all of that.

-I think I'm in shock!

-No change at the top,

and although Lana "Top Dog" Lana has made it into the final six,

our wheeler dealer Tony Del Boy has edged out Wonder Woman Victoria.

But there's still one mighty contestant to go.

Talking of things to go,

we need to say goodbye to Stuntwoman Andrea,

Calamity Trudy, Chef Andy,

and Wonder Woman Victoria.

Your efforts will never be forgotten.

The guys we missed, and are missing already -

Andy the Brickie, James, Andrew, Jennifer

and our lifeguard in love, Leanne. Don't be strangers.

# The way that we hugged to try to keep warm

-# While taking a sleigh ride... #

-I can't see anything!

Grandad Anthony, Jane, and Lana "Top Dog".

We'll stay in touch, yeah?

Farewell.

Last up it's Donovan, a teaching assistant from Essex.

What are you pointing at, Donovan? I can't make it out.

-You're a little bit of a weightlifter.

-Yeah, I am.

I've got myself a qualification so I can teach you how to do

-the Olympic lifts, clean and jerk and snatch.

-Very nice!

So, how are you going to go about throwing your weight around our course?

To be honest with you, going to take my time.

You know, don't want to do myself an injury or anything like that.

You're going to take your time? That's an interesting approach.

-KLAXON

-Jettison!

-What a wave of foam!

-Donovan at the Travelator.

The Travelator's got nothing on those thighs.

-Go, go, go, go, go!

-Wow!

-He's so strong!

-What a man!

-He is flying.

A place in the top six beckons, surely!

Oh, Donovan, we all know a standing jump doesn't...

Exactly as I said.

Exactly as I said. Best way to get over.

Donovan at Stack 'Em. Banks a luggage set.

Bet he can't wait to get that home.

Does everything, with style. He's got an almighty grip.

Focus and determination, Donovan.

THEY GROAN

Donovan, what happened to the clean and jerk?

# He's my toy boy, toy boy... #

-Donovan on the Beam.

-He said, didn't he, he was going to take it slow,

-consider his options.

-Take it slow, do everything properly.

That's kind of his approach.

That's all well and good, but does he know he's against the clock?

Now, oh! Not quite.

Burpies? Must have been that falafel.

Donovan and those mighty muscles have sped their way to the Slide.

He should have no problems making the top six.

Oh, but that could cost him!

It feels fast, though, he just needs to beat 4:59.

And stops the clock with a time of five minutes dead!

Oh, it's so close, but he has just missed out by one second.

Oh, Donovan! Hasta la vista, big guy. You sadly won't be back.

-Well, I enjoyed that quite a lot.

-Me too.

Hope you did at home. So many screamers!

SCREAMS

Do you know what, though?

If I was strapped into that catapult and I went flying out of it, I'd probably scream as well.

Jo does a great scream. I was quite impressed by that.

Also, I was really impressed at how many people managed to do

the Travelator and get to Stack 'Em High and didn't even get wet!

Let's take a look at how things stand after Round One.

In first place with all his prizes intact, it's Jammy Jo!

In second place is Stevie Big Fries, and he's still hungry.

Two tenths of a second behind him is Willie, the flying farmer.

Nodding his way into fourth position,

the Green-fingered Ross.

Diving into fifth place, it's Underwater Anna!

Looking shifty in sixth, it's Tony "Del Boy".

Round Two is a head-to-head battle between our six remaining contestants.

There are three more prizes to be banked along the way,

but only for those who survive.

Sue, it's over to you.

It all kicks off with Spinning Platforms,

which - and this is going to shock you - spin.

From the platforms, contestants move on to Clamber Crossing.

They clamber over the crossing, to a set of touchpoints,

which banks an internet radio.

Hook yourselves up to some Wi-Fi and listen closely

because after a very quick sit down they're off again,

through the water and up the uneven stairs, to the rings.

They attempt to make their way to the four touchpoints which

banks them an American fridge-freezer.

Five into four doesn't go so another contestant will be eliminated,

before they set off again to the Dropping Ropes.

Here's the thing - not all the ropes are connected,

so they'll have to choose wisely, or they'll end up all wet and sad.

Finally, contestants make their way to the end podium,

where they can bank a kid's electric scooter.

But there are only three touchpoints,

which means another contestant will be eliminated.

Leaving our final three.

Have they been spinning all this time?

Better get going before we're reacquainted with their muesli.

-Do the honours, Zoe!

-Cue the klaxon. KLAXON

And we're off!

Ouch! Green Fingers Ross got a faceplant so big it needs watering.

Farmer Willie and Stevie Big Fries both taking the wide route,

but Willie's got tangled!

Stevie Big Fries first to bank the radio. Next is Willie.

Underwater Anna third. And there's a scramble between the last three!

But it's Jammy Jo and Green Fingers Ross who make it!

Tony loses his seat.

Meaning we have to say bonjour to Tony "Del Boy".

There was a melee between Jo, Ross and Tony.

Tony was moving slower than a sloth on holiday across that clamber.

So focused, so determined, so...hungry?

It's hard to tell with Stevie Big Fries.

-Cue the klaxon! And they're off.

-KLAXON

-# Sweet dreams are made of this... #

-Oh, who's going to be up? Big Steve!

-Oh, look at that.

-Stevie up, followed by Farmer Willie.

-Ooh!

-Nice save, Steve!

You might want to rethink that approach, Steve.

-He's closely followed by Jo.

-Jo.

Underwater Anna's slipped through the net

and there's a gaping gulf between Ross and Anna and the rest of them.

Stevie Big Fries and Farmer Willie both bank the fridge.

Neck-and-neck between Ross and Anna. Jammy Jo's home.

Oh! Ross is down! Can Anna seize the moment?

That last seat waiting.

Is it going to be Ross? Is it going to be Anna?

Oh, it's Ross! Hard luck, Anna.

Back to Massive Yellow Ring school for you.

So, six have become four, and soon will become three.

That's my doughnut count. I've no clue what's happening in the game.

Tilt the chairs! Jammy Jo is not hanging around. See?

How about Ross? No! Steve?

No! Willie? He can fly, obviously!

No monkeying around for Willie, he banks the shopping trip.

He's so happy! HE WHOOPS

Steve gives Ross a sniff of a chance.

-Jo is there, and he banks his lucky stars.

-Yes!

Ross and Steve now neck-and-neck.

Steve's down! And Ross is dangling. Who will it be?

He's up! Ross! Come on, Ross! You can do this!

All right, Steve! One more rope!

All he's got to do is hoist his way over the... Oh!

-It's Ross!

-THEY LAUGH AND SCREAM

Stevie Big Fries looks to the heavens, his dream is over.

Ross' is just beginning.

Sadly, we have to say goodbye to Stevie Big Fries.

Well, you can - I'm afraid he'd eat me. The beast.

I'm absolutely gutted not to have gone through,

especially because I led it for the previous two rounds.

I thought I was a really strong contender. I was that close, I could see the car. Gutted.

Underwater Anna, you sank to the bottom.

I'm so gutted that I was so close behind Ross.

I think the problem was I hesitated when getting onto the rings.

When I saw that there was only one seat left, I got up, ran.

I was just too slow.

Tony "Del Boy" - water way to go!

Gutted to be out first, but at least I never got wet.

That's the main thing. So I'm happy with that.

Our three remaining contestants have come a long way

and they all want to go further.

But they literally have a mountain to climb to become our winner.

Ah, Spin Mountain! One of the more dangerous ski resorts.

Spin Mountain is where three become one,

because, well, two get eliminated, see?

Each contestant has to find

and collect their three uniquely coloured discs and return them

to their podiums in order, from these three rotating rings.

Only then can they climb Spin Mountain - which is spinning -

to touch the touchpoint, and bank a shopping weekend in London,

and go on to leap for that car.

Watch out - some of those handholds are on bungee cords -

which is lethal for them, but very funny for us!

KLAXON

And they're off! Jo and Ross are down.

Flying Farmer Willie seems out of sorts. Come on, this is a race!

What? Free Willie! Great film.

Jammy Jo's got his first disc.

Green Fingers Ross right behind him.

Hurray! One for Willie. Jo and Ross clinging on to their second discs.

Ouch! Ross drops his, and is gone.

Jammy Jo looking for number three.

Willie, move! Oh, Willie.

Jo's got his third disc to complete the set,

and he's going for the mountain!

Green Fingers lands his second disc, but it might be too late,

Jo's already got a foot hold! Oh, Willie!

Ross gets his third, but is it too late?

Oh! Probably!

Ross has let this slip through his green fingers,

and Jammy Jo peaks at just the right time!

-He is our winner! He told us he was lucky.

-Yes!

-How happy are you at the moment?

-I'm so... I'm over the moon.

-Are you?

-You did say from the beginning that this is Judgment Day -

-you were determined, weren't you, to get this far?

-Very determined.

All I have to say is you guys have to build a new course cos it got ruined!

-Oh, it's done! Take it down!

-He's ruined the course!

Jammy Jo, your luck was in.

Very disappointed, but the guy who won has been top class the whole way through.

He's a great team player and he deserves to get to the finish line.

# Never gonna turn around and hurt you... #

He's been great throughout. I've seen him throughout all the courses.

So all the best to him and I hope he wins it.

As you know, to win all the prizes, Jo just has to touch them.

But as you should also know, if you've been concentrating,

that isn't going to be easy for him.

During those graphics, I hung all ten prizes that Jo banked

in the previous rounds above this Travelator.

Jo has 60 seconds to touch as many prizes as possible.

And, of course, everything he touches, he wins.

So, Jo, I gather you've already decided what you're going to do with any prizes you win?

-Yeah, I've got my eye on the shopping trip.

-Oh, really?

Yeah, just for my fiancee. I think she deserves it.

Aww, he's a lovely boy.

That's my main one at the moment. Everything else is a bonus.

-You're looking a bit emotional.

-Slightly.

-He's getting married next month!

-Next month?

-So, there we go.

-It'll be a good gift for her.

-It'd be a very good gift for her.

-Good luck.

-Thank you very much.

-Fantastic. You have 60 seconds to touch and win your 11 prizes.

-Thank you.

-Ready for this? Take your position.

-Jo, good luck, darling.

-Good luck.

-Thank you.

There they are - all those hard-earned prizes, all within Jo's reach.

It won't be easy, though, which is why we call this show "Can't Touch This" rather than,

"Oh, Here, Just Have It".

Cue the klaxon! Jammy Jo is off!

He's going to go straight for the trip.

-Oh, he's going straight for the trip.

-Straight for the trip.

Oh, what a sweet, sweet boy.

-Yes!

-And he banks the shopping trip, and sneaks in a games console.

He wants the tablet... Oh, no!

Boom! That'll do it.

-Come on, Jo!

-I'm confident he'll be back up.

OK, a switch of Travelator.

The 3D printer is his!

-What's Jo spotted now?

-Come on, Jo!

-30 seconds left!

-He doesn't need a cross trainer, does he? This one?

And Jammy Jo's not afraid to go for the hard prizes!

-Yes!

-Yes!

Banks the camera, he needs a sit down after that.

-20 seconds.

-20 seconds left, go on, Jo! On last attempt!

-Go on, Jo!

-What are you going for Jo? Come on!

-He looks spent now.

Anything left in those legs, Jammy Jo?

He's after the kid's scooter.

-Yes!

-And has a lie down.

-Three, two, one!

-Three, two, one!

-THEY CHEER Nice work, Jo!

-Nice work, Jo!

Fantastic work. How was that? How was that for you, mate?

-It was tough, but...

-Yeah.

But as soon as I got that trip, I relaxed,

and everything else was a bonus to me.

-And you won six prizes.

-I know!

-Yes!

-Games console...

-Incredible!

..tablet, 3D printer, camera, electric scooter,

and the one you wanted - the shopping weekend in London.

-Yes!

-Amazing work, man, honestly.

That is quite a haul, but of course...

There's still one more big prize lying in wait.

Or should I say hanging in wait, to be more precise.

It's the big one. How do you feel about it?

-I've got one shot, so...

-You've got one shot.

-..I'm going to give it my all.

-That's all you can do.

-Come on, then, Jo. Here we go. Let's Jump For The Car!

-Yes!

If Jo can leap across this void and touch the car, he'll be driving

it home...inadvertently dragging half of our lighting crew with him.

So, Jo, now we're up here, you can see how far away the car actually is.

-What are your thoughts?

-It's doable.

-It's doable?

-It is doable.

-Confident?

-Definitely. I'm going to give it everything I've got.

Well, I wish you the best of luck. This is your starting position.

-Lovely.

-Have a good one.

-Thank you.

So it's all come down to this. One contestant. One car.

One giant leap.

Jo, we're all rooting for you. Best of luck.

In your own time, Jump For The Car!

One jump.

One chance.

One car.

HEARTBEAT SOUNDTRACK

KLAXON

THEY CHEER

He did it! He can touch it!

Cue music! Cue the replays!

Cue the tissues!

-BLOWS NOSE

-This cold isn't going away.

Come on! Yes!

THEY CHEER

-Jo, come on, give me a hug. Well done!

-Well done, well done.

-Yee-ha!

-How are you feeling? You won a car!

I'm over the moon. So ecstatic right now. Just...

So, for all your mates who think you're jammy,

you've just proved you've got some skill.

There we go, just proved it. Done and dusted.

-Done and dusted. That's underlined.

-Incredible, man.

Also, Joanna, your wife-to-be. What a incredible wedding present.

You've won a whole haul of prizes, including a shopping trip to London for her.

-She's going to love it.

-And now a car! Best husband on the planet.

Yeah, I mean, what else does she want?

-I know, what more could she need?

-What more could she want?

-You have been awesome.

-Well done.

-That's it. We'll be back next time

with more contestants who will be battling their way through the Can't Touch This course.

Till then, stay in touch! Say goodbye, Sue!

-Goodbye, Sue!

-Bye!

-YEAH!