Episode 7 Hole in the Wall

'This is Hole In The Wall. Now, please welcome your host,

'a man who's spent hours getting into shape for tonight's show -

'it's Anton Du Beke.'

APPLAUSE AND CHEERS

Welcome to Hole In The Wall, the show in which you get to see your favourite celebrities

like you've never seen them before - underwater!

Talking of celebrities, we have four of the finest waiting backstage,

raring to get at their walls and win a very handsome £10,000 for charity.

But, frankly, it would be foolish introduce our celebrities

without first introducing their captains.

-What d'you say? Shall we meet them?

-AUDIENCE: Yes!

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the steely Austin Healey

and the swish Joe Swash!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERS

CHEERS

Whoo-hoo!

-Hello, Anton.

-Nice to see you, nice to see you. How are you?

-I'm very well, thank you.

-Are you all right?

-I feel very...

What a beauty - you almost cleared the pool.

-I've been practising for weeks, doing that.

-Austin,

do you go through any specialised workout routines for this show?

When I saw Joe and the shape he was in,

I decided that I would go to the gym...

have a coffee, a bacon roll and then go home.

Because you've got to stay in touch with him.

I was just born this way. Don't be jealous.

Well, the celebrities have been poured into their all-in-one silver romper suits

and are ready to rock and roll. So, let's meet 'em.

Joining Austin tonight, Olympic gymnast Beth Tweddle

and from CBBC, Mark Rhodes!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERS

What a lovely couple.

And on Joe's team, television presenter Annabel Croft

and Mark's alter-ego, it's Sam Nixon!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERS

Mark, you and Sam are clearly big mates,

but are you going to put your friendship to one side tonight?

Friendship is out the window, mate. That's it. It's game over, now.

Getting in silver. Silver suit, yes. Austin, my boy, yes.

Yeah! Right there.

-Sam?

-Oh, yes. He's out of here. He's out of the water.

Here's how it works. To win the points, players have to get through

a hole in a wall that's moving at great velocity towards them.

If they fail to make the shape, the wall will show them no kindness

and will hurl them unceremoniously into the dark depths of our pool.

The teams will lock horns over five increasingly difficult rounds

for the sole privilege of gaining control of, brace yourselves,

-the Great Wall!

-AUDIENCE: Ooh!

That is the monster that has to be vanquished

in order to win that £10,000 for charity.

So, let battle commence. Let's play Hole In The Wall!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERS

Round One features one wall, one hole and one celebrity.

-So, Joe.

-Yes?

-You're up first.

It's the only time you've got a chance to lead.

You've just started and you're on my case already.

-Who are you going to choose?

-I thought about this one

and I know the next one's Captain's Mate

and I don't want to do that to Sam, I want to do that with Annabel.

-So, I want to save that one and send Sam up there.

-Sam.

-Yeah?

-Good luck, mate.

-Thanks.

-Come here, my love.

-Are you ready to get in shape?

-Yes.

-All right, step up to the play area.

-Go on, Sam!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERS

And bring on the Wall!

ALL: 3, 2, 1...

Lean back! Lean back!

No chance! No chance, in he goes!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERS

Did you see that? Experience, that is, experience. Jonathan!

A rip roaring start for the reds, Anton.

The lean back shape is fairly simple for Sam, but it's all about

controlling those tummy muscles to allow for the optimum back bend.

Then something strange happens to Sam and he turns into a sea lion.

He performs a wobble shuffle across the play area.

Sam the sea lion's happy to stay there, so there's no Watergate

for Nixon this time round.

-A few dance moves in there!

-Extra points?

If it was down to me you'd have extras for that.

I rather liked that. 10 points!

All right, Austin? Who's going to face the first wall for you?

Well, at times of need it's always great to have a world champion,

-European champion gymnast on your team.

-Marvellous!

But you can use...

I'm not sure we can find a wall hard enough for you.

-Are you ready to get in shape?

-I am indeed, yes.

-OK, well step up to the play area.

-APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Bring on the wall!

3, 2, 1...

Yes! Yes!

You know what, right?

THEY ARGUE

You get the world champion and I get Sam!

What's that about?

She didn't even touch it. Not one little bit.

-Yeah, I know. I see it now.

-She's doing every wall.

-Well done, Beth. That was brilliant.

-Don't touch her, she's magic.

-I don't want her magic to rub off.

-Jonathan, oh!

A perfect wall position.

Beth is Great Britain's most successful gymnast ever

and if she continues like that, she could become a Hole champion too.

Surely another ambition realised?

A golden start for the golden girl as Beth opens her account

with a textbook display of split serenity.

It looks like she's lost her remote control under the sofa

as she gets right down to have a rummage.

She doesn't find anything other than 10 points for her team.

-10 points!

-Yes!

At the end of that round the scores on the floor are...

level pegging. 10 points each!

Our next step on the journey is round two. It's Captain's Mate.

Arr, my hearties!

Captain's Mate sees a Captain and a celebrity team mate

attempt to win 20 points as they tackle the wall together, yes?

Think of it as going out on a blind date,

-because tonight one of the players will be blindfolded.

-Oh, what?!

So, Joe. If you'd be so kind as to pop these on Annabel.

Yes! my pleasure! Annabel, you hold the front.

You're all right. You're in safe hands.

Are you both ready to get in shape?

-I am, anyway!

-LAUGHING

-Step up to the play area.

-APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

-Bring on the wall!

-3, 2, 1...

No, lean down. Lean down.

No, no!

Jonathan, I'm not sure that was perfect. What do you think?

Well, Anton, no.

Not sure we witnessed perfection there, but we did witness protection

as caring Joe can see the look of fear on Annabel's face.

Both players lose sight of the shape they should be making.

Annabel had a good excuse.

But Joe should have stood by his woman and not sat on her.

-He tries to talk the wall out of hitting them...

-No, no!

But Joe and Annabel are so low down, even the wall can't really get them.

While they're obviously out of their depth, they stay out of the deep.

Well, you stayed dry and you made half the shape, so 10 points!

Yes!

-So, Austin?

-Please tell me I'm not putting them on.

Yes, you're putting them on.

Please, Anton!

You've been nasty to me all series.

All right, look... No, no...

I'm going to give them to Mark.

But Mark, you actually have to put them on Austen.

-Are you both ready to get into shape?

-We are!

Come on! Step up to the play area!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

There they go! Stop shouting at us!

And bring on the wall!

ALL: Three-two-one...

ALL: Whoo!

We need to get in the line, get in the line. Just do that.

That'll do. Kneel back a little.

This is a favourite of ours - the bottom pincher wall.

But Mark Rhodes leads Austin on a road to nowhere here.

They start off badly and it gets worse.

Just do that. Just do that.

Mark's initial positioning of Austin is totally skew-whiff.

-His instructions aren't much better.

-Arm down. Kneel back a little.

No-one came out of this one looking good and the pool claims

one captain, one mate and one complete wall.

Stand up straight, in the middle of the wall where there's no hole?

Granted, I may have made a mistake. I should have gone with Beth, sorry.

-"Stand up straight, move back a bit." Move back a bit, so you really hurt yourself!

You didn't take the full brunt of it, then.

-Well, I've searched high and low for some points for you...

-Come on!

-..alas, I couldn't find any.

-Come on!

-No points!

No points?!

At the end of Captain's Mate, the scores are...

Austin's team, 10 points. But in the lead, Joe's team, with 20 points!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Remember, there's £10,000 for charity to be won tonight.

Right now, it's time for Team Wall.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

OK, well, they've doubled up and now it's time for them to treble up

as we challenge all three team members to face one wall.

There are 30 points to be gained if they all get safely through.

But of course, if they all end up in the pool, we could be in big trouble.

But don't worry, we've taken precautions.

LAUGHTER

It's like a row of Mary Poppins. Joe, you're up first!

-Have you got faith in your team?

-I've got so much faith in my team

-that it's...it's inspirational.

-Ooh! Big word!

-Are you ready to get into shape?

-Yes, I am, Anton!

Yes! Step up to the play area!

-Are you ready?

-Yes!

-It's time to bring on the wall!

ALL: Three-two-one...!

ALL: Whoo!

Stay away from the wall, Joe!

Jonathan? Come on, Jonathan.

Let's take a look. Annabel had the trouble-free hole.

In fact, she had so little to do that she fell asleep.

That bang on the head should wake her up, though!

Sam and Joe decided to synchronise their two-footed jumps in an attempt

to gain extra points for artistic merit.

Sam completes his with a quarter turn flourish, but Joe gets a mammoth

360 degree spin... with a little help from the wall.

So, hats off to the reds. They're left jumping for joy.

Now listen - I thought they did marvellously well.

He went up in the air, did a turn and came down.

-He landed in the playing area - 30 points!

-Yes!

-Get in there.

-Austin? How are you going to inspire your team?

-I think our inspiration is here.

-The Beth of Tweddell?

-We're going to follow the Beth.

-Whatever you do, Beth.

-Whatever she does.

-Oh, yes? You reckon?

-Yeah, that's true.

-Are you ready to get in shape?

-We're as ready as the Three Amigos.

Why can't you have a routine?

-All right, step up to the play area.

-Come on, team.

And bring on the wall!

Let me tell you something, that's the first time we've ever had a finishing position.

-LAUGHTER

-Jonathan, surely that's perfect?

Give us the points, Jonathan, it was gorgeous!

Gorgeous indeed, Austin. Beth is leading from the front once again,

as Austin and Mark make up for their appalling last wall

with leans that mean a smooth passage.

Beth looks dismissively at the wall,

but takes centre stage, and what should be an awkward leap is made to look easy.

Ever the perfectionist, Beth completes this perfect execution

the way she's been trained to do.

-Gold!

-Perfect.

-G-o-ld. P-er-fect.

-30 points!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

After that round, the scores on the floor are...

Oh! It's getting closer. Austin's team bring up the rear with 40 points,

but in the lead is Joe's team with 50 points.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

We're having a fantastic battle for wall supremacy today,

but who will come out on top and earn the right to face the Great Wall?

-GONG

-Who keeps doing that noise?!

It's chained down at the back at the moment, being fed small celebrities like Jimmy Krankie and Mini-Me.

So, let's get on with the next round.

-And Austin Healey!

-It's Wonder Wall!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

OK, in this round a question and two possible answers are written on the wall.

In the unlikely event of them choosing the right answer,

they'll win the equivalent of their combined IQ in points.

20! So, Austin, you are placed second of the moment,

so you get to go first. Who are you going to choose?

-I suggest Beth and Mark.

-Good choice and you are going to work it out?

I'm gonna go and get warm, actually.

-All right team, are you ready to get in shape?

-Yes!

-LAUGHTER

-All right, step up to the play area.

Come on, Blue team.

Bring on the wall!

AUDIENCE CHANT

CHEERING AND SHOUTING

He did try and stop it with his face, but he still managed to get through.

Jonathan, how clever are they?

A little brain-teaser for the Blues here.

If Kara's father has five children and we name four of them, then Kara herself is the remaining 5th child.

Mark was foxed by the question and nearly fell into the trap

of going for the vowels option of A, E, I, O, U.

Beth seems happy to agree, but it is Austin who steers his team towards the correct answer.

Both Beth and Mark still have to make it through the door, which is easier said than done,

as Mark proves by almost taking his head off, and Beth tumbles to safety.

What can I tell you? Absolutely perfect, 20 points.

Yes, in the lead, in the lead!

Right, Joe, which of the players on your team look like they paid attention at school?

Me and Sam.

I am going to give you another chance to think about that.

Who are you going to nominate?

I am going to nominate myself and Sam,

because I think Annabel would do better on the questions.

-Are you ready to get in shape?

-We are ready!

Step up to the play area.

No touching the opposition! Points away.

Bring on the wall!

AUDIENCE CHANTS

CHEERING AND SHOUTING

So lucky you didn't listen to Annabel.

Jonathan, reverse psychology on Hole In The Wall?

Who knew it would come to this, Anton?

It's like a kid's playground out there with all the shouting and hullabaloo!

No one really knew if they were shouting the wrong answer or the right answer,

There are 21 dots on a die, so 42 on two dice.

Joe sucks his thumb for inspiration.

Annabel sends the team the wrong way.

-And while Austin thinks he's confusing the already baffled player...

-42!

42!

..the dice have rolled in the Reds' favour on this one.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Well! Oo-ooh!

-I'm so happy!

-Getting close, 10 points!

-Wh-what?

Just kidding. 20 points!

At the end of that mental round, the scores on the floor are...

Ooh, it's a real beauty.

60 points to Austin's team, but in the lead is Joe's team, 70 points!

So, we head into the round that will decide

which of our teams will soon be going into unarmed combat

with the daddy of them all, The Great Wall.

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

It's a big ask, but it has to be done

if someone is going to win that £10,000 for charity.

The decider is a brutal round that has foxed many a wall grappler.

It's Anton's...Twist.

All right, the walls in this round come with a devilish twist

that can drive men not only to distraction but also into the pool.

Consequently, we are offering 30 whole points

for a successful passage.

Austin, you need the points most, so, for you,

one of my all-time favourites, which you're going to have to play.

You're going to be playing it

with someone who's not actually in the room yet.

Yes, it's mystery guest round.

Shall we find out who it is?

AUDIENCE: Yes!

Mystery guest, come in, please.

Erin Boag, ladies and gentlemen.

-How are you, you all right?

-I'm good, yeah.

Excited?

-Yes.

-Are you excited to be teamed up with handsome boy again?

-You're going in the pool.

-I'm not going in the pool.

I don't care what the hole is, you're going right in that pool.

-So, Dream Team, are you ready to get in shape?

-Yes.

-We should enter the play area in a special way, Anton.

-Should we?

-Step up to the play area.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Bring on the Wall!

ALL: 3, 2, 1!

-Oh, shut up!

-Go that way.

-Take a run up.

-OK, ready?

1, 2, 3!

# I've had the time of my life

# I've never felt this way before... #

Jonathan, were they a match made in heaven?

'Well, Erin knows she's in safe hands here.

'She spent months dancing with Austin in the past,

'but this is a dance for three as our wall wants a piece of the action.'

-Take a run up.

-'They're quickly into position

and they both know that only a last minute lift will give them a chance.

1, 2, 3.

And they're oh, so close.

Austin has Erin up where she belongs but her legs are out of shape,

and it's quite a fall for the pair

as they go from ballroom straight into wet room.

APPLAUSE

-I thought that was... Did you think that was a good effort?

-ALL: Yes!

-What, what?!

-It wasn't bad, was it?

He got her up there, didn't he, and he held her there for a few seconds.

-You didn't really point your toes.

-I'm sorry.

So I can't give you maximum points, but I'm going to give you 10 points.

10? Come on!

So at the moment, it's a tie.

-ALL: Ooh!

-This is very exciting.

So, Joe, one of my favourite twisted rules for you, my dear.

-Yes, my darling.

-It's a one-player wall

-and they have to get through one hole. But there's more.

-Woo!

The twist is, while they're attempting to make the shape,

Austin's team, and this will thrill him, will be pelting you with balls.

-Yes, get in!

-All of these balls!

There are 30 points up for grabs here, so it's up to you.

Who's got the bottle for this game?

-So it involves people chucking balls at our head?

-Yes.

Yes, or any other part of the body they want.

-Crofty, do you want to have a go?

-Thank you very much.

-Yeah, I'm going to put a lady up.

-Aw, Annabel Croft, how kind of you.

-Come here, my darling.

-My heart rate has gone up.

You've just got a little nervous now. That's not very gentlemanly,

putting you there in front of all these...

He's gonna grit his teeth, I know what he's like.

-Are you ready to get into shape?

-Yes.

All right, step up to the play area.

Are you gonna walk with me? CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Austin, to your balls, please, sir.

-I'm scared!

-You can do it!

All right, bring on the wall!

Turn round! Forward! Forward!

Oh, no!

Jonathan, how close was she!

Oh! Poor Annabel!

She's used to facing balls,

but she's always had a tennis racquet to hit them back.

Both Austin and Beth are bang on the money with their throwing,

and Annabel forgets about the hole, just to avoid the balls.

She goes one way, then the next. Then back again.

Then back again, again.

She's caught in no-man's land

and this is one game where she wishes that rain had stopped play

before she fell into our big puddle.

That was hopeless, wasn't it?

-No, it wasn't.

-I'm really sorry.

It was fantastic. It deserves one point.

It deserves one point, she made half a good shape.

-He's chucking balls at your head.

-You've just bashed me on the head.

It hit you by mistake. Your head got in the way.

So he chucked a ball, it hit me on the head,

and he was rude about my head? That's one point away.

-CHEERING

-No! No!

One point off. No points for you.

-No!

-Oh, look what that's done to the scores!

I can tell you that with 69 points,

Austin has done better than expected and finished second.

But with 70 points and just in control of the Great Wall,

it's Joe's team!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

The Great Wall is the greatest of the great and let me tell you why.

It's a super speed wall for three players

that they all, without fail, have to get through

in order to win that £10,000 for charity.

Now, sometimes it's quite easy, but other times it's viciously hard.

An important fact, because Joe, it will undoubtedly have a bearing

-on whether you play or pass.

-Yes.

-Yes.

-But furthermore, if you face the wall and fail,

the £10,000 will automatically go to Austin's team.

What do you think they should do, audience?

-What do you reckon?

-ALL: Play!

-What do you reckon?

-ALL: Play!

-Gamble!

Play, they're saying play. What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna go with the crowd and I think we'll play.

We're going gonna play!

-We're gonna play!

-All right! Are you ready to get in shape?

I am ready to get in shape, Anton.

-Team, are you ready to get in shape?

-Yes, yes.

-Come on.

-Step up to the plate.

-You're going down, Joe!

Come on the Blues!

This is it!

Bring on the Great Wall!

Dive through! Dive through! Head first. Head first!

-Head first!

-No chance! No chance!

See ya!

Jonathan!

It was meant to end with a love-in for the romantic Red team.

Like Cupid's arrow, they had to pierce a heart each.

But this romance quickly turned into a romantic comedy.

Smooth Sam tries to woo his opposite heart by crashing straight into it.

And Annabel's wrapped up in a whirlwind affair of the heart,

which doesn't want to let her go.

Joe, on the other hand, treats his mean and gets left heartbroken.

It's all so sad. Pass the Reds a tissue

as they pass victory to the Blues.

-Congratulations, Austin.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Well done.

Well done, well done, well done.

Who's the money going to?

No offence, Mark, but the best player was Beth.

Where's the money going?

Alder Hey Children's Hospital and the Imagine Appeal.

That's absolutely lovely. Thank you so much.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Sadly that's all we've got time for tonight,

but it's been a fantastic show, so much so

that I think I might even get a gong for my services to television.

GONG!

Not that sort of gong, you fool.

Good night!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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