Episode 4 Let's Dance for Sport Relief

Last week, five acts danced a Sport Relief and the nation's merriment.

Scott Mills and Olly Murs. Your bum looks great in that! Danny and

Tiger. West End hit! Kirsten O'Brien! I have got a gingerbread

in my mouth. Is there a doctor in the House? But it was the

Charleston, and the feisty fight the power, that made it rude to do

final. But who will join them tonight? -- that made it to the

It is Let's Dance, for Sport Relief! Please welcome your hosts,

Hello and welcome to Let's Dance! It's week four and we're live!

Welcome to the place celebrities come if they have the urge to dance.

It is for a good cause and it is cheaper than therapy. Five

celebrity acts will throw caution and they Koreas to the wind in the

last of our heats before the final -- and their careers. For your

average celebrity, a place in the final is the knighthood, a Nobel

Prize and the cycling proficiency badge rolled into one, but they do

not just do it for personal glory! All our celebrities are here for

once reason. That is to raise money for a fantastic course, Sport

Relief. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE. After Scott

Mills and Olly Murs last week, we have the real thing. It is a

bonkers performance from the brilliant LMFAO. So there are just

two spaces left in the grand final. You at home will pick one of the

acts and our panel will pick the other. And what... You say that all

the time! They are more than qualified to spout off behind the

desk because they are Let's Dance veterans. In the same way a

criminal revisits the scene of the crime, they are here to give us the

benefit of their experience. Russell Kane, Jo Brand and Lee

Nelson! I know. There they are, three gods

of the Let's Dance arena. Lee looks like he is on holiday! More from

them later but let's see who is Stand-up comic, Patrick Monahan.

Comedian and writer, Rowland Rivron. Comedians Watson and Oliver. TV

presenters Suzi Perry and Ortis Deley. Fatima Whitbread, Fatima &

The Cuban Brothers. Now then, are you settled, panel? Good. Russell,

your Beyonce from last year it is still worrying me fresh in the

minds of the nation. What tips do you have for a memorable

performance? A course of oestrogen injections before the dance helps.

The killer move is to take it so seriously that it becomes comical.

When you see people possessed by whoever they are imitated, that is

when it becomes funny. So thrust to the point of pelvic injury!

your Brit meat was widely regarded as better than Britney! -- your

Britney Spears. Islamic anything other dancers should avoid? They

should -- is there anything the other dancers should avoid? They

should avoid looking too attractive, being slimmer and being good at

dancing. Lee. Last deed you danced in your pants with a lovely man

called omelette. They need to be very brave. How brave are the acts

tonight? I don't know whether me and Omelette were brave as offs our

heads on sambuca, but you just think about the charity stuff you

are doing, and it is helping unfortunate people like John

Bishop... A ladies and gentlemen, your panel! It is Judgement Day!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE. Here we go. Our first act tonight is a stand-up

comedian who regularly hugs his audience at gigs. It is a lovely

touch but maybe the reason why he has never played at Wembley. It is

Patrick Monahan. I am a stand-up comedian and a professional cup

luck! In Britain, people say, he is a

northerner, but when you are travelling overseas, people label

you, they say, oh my God, you are Irish-Romanian-Middlesbrough. That

is the "axis of evil"! Patrick Monahan is successful

stand-up comedian. He is going on a journey to find out more about his

family history. I was raised in Teesside, my dad is from Ireland

and my mum is from Iran. I am hoping that I come from a

traditional line of clowns, comedians and entertainers. I have

just found out that my great great great grandfather was eight four

time Iranian dance champion. -- was a fourth time. Unbelievable. Dancer,

dancer... This is ridiculous. What?! My uncle? A ballet dancer?

I am shocked, gutted... My dad's side, they are all Irish. There has

SAD MUSIC. I couldn't believe it. All of them are dancers! How

ridiculous? Dancing, what a load of...! You would never catch me

Very unusual. Normally the acts tried to track down their relatives

after they have done the show. Embarrassing three generations of

his family at once by dancing to Only Girl In The World by Rihanna,

for Sport Relief, it is Patrick # La la la la.

# La la la la. # I want you to love me like I'm a hot guy.

# Keep thinkin' of me doin' what # So boy forget about the world cos

it's gon' be me and you tonight. # I wanna make your bed for ya then

I'll make you swallow your pride. # Want you to make me feel like I'm

the only girl in the world. # Like I'm the only one that you'll

ever love. # Like I'm the only one who knows

your heart. # Only girl in the world.

# Like I'm the only one that's in command.

# Cos I'm the only one who understands how to make you feel

like a man. # Want you to make me feel like I'm

the only girl in the world. # Like I'm the only one that you'll

ever love. # Like I'm the only one who knows

your heart. # Only one.

# Want you to take me like a thief # Take me for a ride.

# Oh baby take me high. # Let me make you first.

# Oh make it last all night. # Want you to make me feel like I'm

the only girl in the world. # Like I'm the only one that you'll

ever love. How to make you feel like a man.

Thank you very much. Shy and retiring Louie Spence. You seem to

enjoy that far too much. How was it? Yeah, it was nice. This is

normally what I wear in the north- east of England. We don't wear very

much. People at home watching will think, he is overdressed. But it is

a pleasure. The pleasure is ours but do the panel agreed? How good

was he! Amazing! How connected among with my sister now. Signor

hairy armpits next to all of the glitter, that is how a great night

always finishes. I was fully shaped for Beyonce. You've really got into

it. I am sure somebody is looking like that on a stag night but it

was awesome. You should be really proud of yourself. Well done.

did you enjoy it? I enjoyed it very much. I always feel rather

distressed when a man looks better in a dress than I do, but let's

face it, Jo Brit looks better in a dress and I do. I thought it was

lovely and I really liked the bit when your dad came on at the end.

Lee, very quickly? I thought that was so sexy that for them two

minutes, I stopped thinking about you, Alex. Laughter Macros. That

was not the desired effect, Lee. You have got something going on and

I would like permission to go out with you. Permission denied.

And when you do call, remember your money will be raising valuable

funds ares for Sport Relief. This next act is a comedian and

presenter known for his on-screen antics. He had better behave

himself when this one is around. will crush him like an ant. It is

writer and comedian Rowland Rivron. Hello, I am a presenter, comedian...

Quiet one last night, Rowland? Steady. Waiter? Could I have a

large Scotch, please, and have you got the wine list? Rowland, it is

10am. Yeah, and I am ordering breakfast. 20 years I have

represented you, Rowland. 20 years guiding your Career, babysitting

you, getting you out of trouble. This time you have really messed up.

Don't you remember anything about No. Like I said, it was a fairly

quiet one. This time not even I can help you. Good luck on that dance

the Sport Relief. You idiot. -- good luck for Let's Dance on Sport

Relief. Let's Dance? Put on your Anyone who can fall off a chair

like that has the potential to go all the way to Let's Dance champion

2012. Agreed. Dancing to "Weapon Of Choice" by Fatboy Slim, it is

MUSIC: "Weapon Of Choice" by Fatboy Don't be shocked by the tone of my

voice. Check out my new weapon, weapon of

choice. Don't be shocked by the tone of my

voice. Check out my new weapon, weapon of

You can go with this or you can go with that.

You can go with this or you can go with that.

You can go with this or you can go with that.

Walk without rhythm. It won't attract the worm.

Walk without rhythm. You can go with this or you can go

with that. You can go with this or you can go

with that. You can go with this or you can go

Rowland Rivron, so very cool. Congratulations, that was utterly

outstanding. I will let you catch your breath. Let go straight to the

panel. That is the dance to beat tonight, that was absolutely

unbelievable. The choreography of was spot on. It was fantastic!

Amazing dancing. Jo, that was a brilliant performance, wasn't it?

It was, Rowland, I had secretly loved you for years, and now way

open the love you. And you are going to be corralled by every

menopause all housewife in the country, and I am a leading the

charge! -- menopausal. What did you make a bid, lead? One word, that

was quality! Unbelievable! I would find myself, but I haven't got no

credit. Not allowed phones in here. He needs an ambulance, he looks

like he is going to collapse. Thanks, the wonderful Rowland

Rivron! He was so good! But right now, we have a comedy double act

who have recently had their run hilarious series on BBC2, full of

silliness, and a bizarre situations. Sounds like a six-week rehearsal

for Let's Dance. It is Watson and Oliver.

I am a Lorna Watson. I am include Oliver. We are Watene and Olivares.

If your nails went so long... are you saying about our nails?

Have you got a problem with my nails?

To be honest, I didn't surprise me when I was asked to take part in

Let's Dance for Sport Relief, because as most of you probably

already know, I'm actually a world- class ice dance champion. This is

me after I won gold at the Winter Olympics. Hello. And this is a

little something I won't, also at the Winter Olympics -- something I

won. That is an Oscar. It isn't real. Isn't it. When a Let's Dance

called me to invite me... Invited asked to take part in this year's

show, it was obvious I had to... had to. A routine on skates.

Because it was on an ice rink where Ingrid... I mean, Let's Dance is

the charity, but it is also a competition. I don't know how to

This promises to be at the most graceful thing on ice since the

frozen crispy pancake. For Sport Relief, taking you back in 1984 and

skating to Torvill and Dean's The world holds its breath as this

Apology for the loss of subtitles for 136 seconds

pair of comedians take to the ice Bravo! Makes you proud to be

British. Watson and Oliver, outstanding. Boy you over the moon?

In rehearsal, I went flying off the stage into the audience, so that

was a bonus. You can can be -- cancel the ambulance! Let go to the

panel. That was magical, grateful, we had a woman dressed as a man,

that makes a nice change, ladies and gentlemen. And you even took

the bins out halfway through, so my mum will be happy. Well done.

they were superb, won't they? were, better than dancing on ice,

or as I like to think of it, going to A&E with a broken pelvis. I

always used to think that Bolero was a slightly boring song, but now

it is fresh, exciting and it lives in my heart forever. Lee, what did

you think of their impression of Cornwall and Dean? Well, when you

two goals came on with the dry ice, I thought to myself, this could be

it be so 2010 all over again. I was a bit disappointed with some of the

rest of it, but I still love did overall and I'm going to give you...

My phone number! What a result. Let's hear it for the wonderful

Watene and Oliver! Thank you, -- Watson and Oliver! They are

enjoying it. She nearly went! she is... There we are. We won't

deduct a point for this, it is after the dance, you are fined.

Panic over. Our next performance is by a TV presenting double act with

plenty of gadget knowledge, but if they want to make it work tonight,

they are going to have to really turn it on, then off, then on again,

like a computer. It is Suzi Perry and Ortis Deley!

IM Suzi Perry Foster I am also steely. During the next 48 hours

your challenge is to survive using only a wireless technology. Is it

ready? Does it work? Because if you have let me down... Don't worry,

Suzi! I have created a gadget that will turn us into the greatest

dancers who ever lived. Have you tested it? Not just yet. We need to

know that it works! Forties, did it work? Not quite. But on the

upside... I have just turned an old cabbage into pure gold, we have

discovered alchemy! And how is that going to help a stance? A yes,

but... Ortis, focus! Have you actually invented a gadget that

could turn us into world-class professional dancers? No. We are

due on stage in six hours. What the hell are we going to do? Don't

worry! I have got plan B. I have made some danced robot replicas of

ourselves, they can do the dance for us, no one will know the

difference. Brilliant! We are a shoo-in for the final. I knew you

If we are about to see a collection of cardboard boxes for him over,

then this show has a new favourite. One to watch. Dancing to Livin' La

Vida Loca by Ricky Martin, it is # She's into superstitions.

# Black cats and voodoo dolls. # Well, I feel a premonition.

# She's into new sensations. # New kicks in the candlelight.

# She's got new addictions. # For every day and night.

# She'll make you take your clothes off.

# And go dancing in the rain. # She'll make you live her crazy

life. # But she'll take away your pain.

# Like a bullet to your brain. # Upside inside out.

# She's livin' la vida loca. # She'll push and pull you down.

# Livin' la vida loca. # Her lips are devil red.

# And her skin's the colour mocha. # She will wear you out.

# Livin' la vida loca. # She'll make you take your clothes

off. # And go dancing in the rain.

# She'll make you live her crazy life.

# But she'll take away your pain. # Like a bullet to your brain.

# Upside inside out. # She's livin' la vida loca.

# She'll push and pull you down. # Livin' la vida loca.

# Her lips are devil red. # And her skin's the colour mocha.

That was a crowd pleaser! Fabulous stuff! So vibrant, so colourful, so

many bottoms on display! That was wonderful. Are you happy? I can't

breathe, you might have to speak to him. We are really happy. Shall we

find out what the panel think? was all some. My mum and her

friends are probably taking HRT just to deal with the consequences

of how hot that was! Brilliant energy, it really sensuous. I loved

it. Did you like it, Jo? I got so excited watching it, I tripped over

into a senior moment and I can't really remember anything about it.

You look lovely! Did it get too hot under the collar, Lee? Oh my gosh.

I enjoy that but something tells me it Otis enjoyed it a lot more!

Legend, my man! Thank you very much, Suzi and Otis!

APPLAUSE. Our final act tonight combines a world class comedy trio

and a woman who's a world champion javelin thrower and Sports

Personality of the Year. Although you'll probably still know her as

the one who got a cockroach jammed up her nose in the jungle. Yeah for

the cockroach! It's Fatima Whitbread and The Cuban Brothers.

We are the Cuban Brothers! And I am Fatima Whitbread! Let's dance!

the Cuban brothers here. We are very delighted indeed to be asked

to do this strange competition, the dance competition, in your country,

but to be asked to do it with a legend like Fatima Whitbread, it is

off the scale. Ever since we could understand the complexities of the

javelin competition, we have watched her career with wide-eyed

enthusiasm. Nice and steady, all the control in the world. It is a

very big role, it is about 76.5 metres. Look at the way she moves.

So graceful. So elegant. She is like a swan. I am telling you, one

day I will dance with the Fatima Whitbread. I don't think Fatima

Whitbread will want to dance with you. Could that be the gold medal?

Of course, that was a long time ago, you know, we are a lot more mature

and more ways. We will not be fighting over ladies! OK, boys,

No fighting! No fighting! APPLAUSE.

Cuban cabaret with a javelin thrower.

I know what you're thinking but it was that or jazz tap with Kriss

Akabusi. For Sport Relief, dancing to You Should Be Dancing by The Bee

Gees, it's Fatima and The Cuban # My baby moves at midnight.

# Goes right on till the dawn. # My woman takes me higher.

# My woman keeps me warm. # What you doin' in the back, aah?

Apology for the loss of subtitles for 136 seconds

# You should be dancing, yeah. # You should be dancing, yeah.

# Dancing, yeah. # You should be dancing, yeah.

Too good. Toogood, far too good! Come and join me. Don't be shy. Are

you happy with that? That is what I'm talking about. That is what we

are all talking about. I think this is the start of the New Korea.

an athlete, notice Fatima is the only one who can speak. -- it is

the start of my new career. I was waiting for somebody to pull off

her hat and it was Tessa Sanderson! It would be good if the cockroach

came out of your nose at the end. You nailed it, or well done. It is

almost as if Chris De Burgh wrote the song "lady in red" for you. He

wrote a song for me when I did it called "the Lady Is Red", so I

didn't do quite so well. Did you enjoy the performance? Oh my gosh,

if dancing was an Olympic sport, then you would win gold! Yes!

you. Fatima & The Cuban Brothers! Amazing! And this is what it is all

about. Take a look at the next of our videos from JLS in Uganda.

Children across the world are living in truly horrendous

conditions. 75% of illness here is because of unsafe water and poor

sanitation and in slums like this, children are losing their lives.

This girl has lived in the slum for as long as she can remember. This

is home. A few months ago, she lost her sister to malaria and diarrhoea.

What are your hopes and dreams for the future? I want to be a doctor.

You want to be a doctor? What are -- what are your worries? That is

unbelievable. Her life is at risk every day from the open sewers, the

flooding, the disease, the contamination. It is alive she

should not have to live. Her little family are constantly sick. She

lost her sister this year because of these conditions. Why should she

have to live like this? These guys live here every single day. Every

day. They don't even necessarily want to live here but they don't

have no choice. This is probably the first time I have realised why

diarrhoea and malaria are the biggest killers of young kids in

this country, because it is ridiculous... I physically feel

sick. We want to help build drains and taps and get proper sanitation

to the people that need it the most. Whatever you give is going to

undoubtedly saved lives, and give these kids hope the future. They

have all got dreams and aspirations like all of us, they have families

like we do. It is no conditions are no human being to be in. It is �5,

one text, it is not that much to ask. Please. One text.

As the boys said, one text can make all the difference. It certainly

can. If you want to donate, you can The whole of the �5 will go to

Sport Relief. You must be 16 or over. Please ask the bill payers

It is happy away in Shenanigans! -- Happy hour. Fatah! I told you, you

are ruining the dartboard for everyone with this! Over there! It

is another crazy night in Shenanigans. Let me introduce you

to our superstar barman, Louie Spence. Yes, yes, yes. And Mr

Lionel Blair! Of course! APPLAUSE. Much like the film Speed,

if Lionel Blair drops below 30 taps per minute, he will explode. Look

out for that or stop keep it going. Let's speak to our fabulous dancer,

Patrick. You have taken to dressing like a lady like a duck to cross-

dressing. What is the comedian's compunction to dress like a lady?

don't know about cross-dressing. I thought if Steve is not wearing the

his staff, I will wear it. sequin top his mind, the rest is

all yours! Watson and Oliver. Remarkable, but I want to bring up

the fact that you are a skating protege. You are fabulous acted.

Sure. Yeah. -- You are fabulous at it. I gave up at the age of 13 and

I have not skated since. If that makes me an expert... But you have

never skated before this show so you learned for us? Yes, and it was

painful and hard and I was petrified. But it was wonderful to

watch. You did something special. Thank you. Good luck. Fatima

Whitbread! Anything to be around like red again. I am really having

fun with these guys. It is beautiful. The spirit of Latin

America. Did you enjoy being in the limelight dancing? It is different,

isn't it, but it is for a good cause so I hope we have raised a

lot of money. What the ladies said. You did a fabulous job out there,

guys. A Charlton dream come true, having that lady in your arms. -- a

childhood dream. It is a fantastic evening for Sport Relief, dance,

for us to be touching Fatima in any capacity at all. Thank you so much.

Good luck this evening. Rowland Rivron. I didn't think anybody

could top trump Christopher Walker in but you did. It was incredible.

All things considered, I think I pulled it off. Do you want to have

a look at it? ! It is not long until we find out

which acts will make it through to the final but first, it is time to

make some noise for the brilliantly # I be up in the party.

# I have got a drink in my hand. # Everybody is in the house.

# All the goals make out for the whole club to see #.

# People always say that my music is loud forced of # Sorry for

partying! # People always say, turn it down.

# Sorry for party. # When they talk, so read for party

When I walk on by, girls be looking like damn he fly.

I PIMP to the beat, walking down the street with in my new lafreak,

yea. This is how I roll, animal print

pants out of control. It's Redfoo with the big Afro.

And like Bruce Lee rock at the club, Ahh girl look at that body.

I-I work out. Ahh girl look at that body.

I-I work out. When I walk in the spot, yeah this

is what I see, OK. Everybody stops and staring at me.

I got passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it, show it,

show it, show it. When I'm at the mall, security just

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah.

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah.

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah.

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah, yeah.

Here we go. Time to find out who will take the prize and who should

sneak out in disguise. The last two spaces in the final are up for

grabs. Let's welcome at our five- act back onto the stage.

Patrick Monahan! Fatima and the Suzy and Ortis! And Watson and

We have seen five celebrity acts put their hands and sometimes feet

in the air like they just don't care. But only the act with the

highest number of public bodes well have a guaranteed place in the

final -- public votes. Are you ready? Audience, are you ready?

Lionel Blair, are you ready? I am like a coiled spring! He is ready.

Panel, are you ready? Yes! Then Patrick Monahan! I can't believe

that. What just happened?! The next act to do the Cha Cha of

I can't believe I am saying is, it is Watson and Oliver. Hush your

mouth, are you making that up?! sorry, girls. So then there were

three, Rowland, Suzi and ought to is, -- Ortis, and Fatima and the

Cuban Brothers. One of you has an automatic place in the final, the

other tee macro will have to depend on the panel for the last remaining

place. We now have the result. is it. I can now reveal that the

act with the most public votes, and going straight into the Grand Final

You have won a place in the hearts and minds of a nation. You look

like you can't believe it. You did it, you are through to the final.

How do you feel? I am very chuffed. Well done to all these other guys.

I was a contender, there you go! Hard you going to perform for us

one more time! He has got to do it. He is the champion. And of course,

a big round of applause one more time to Patrick Monahan and Watson

and Oliver, great sports. Thank you, guys, thank you so much. And that

means we have two Act's left, Suzi and Ortis, and Fatima and the

Cubans. There is only one place the remaining. So it is over to our

lovely panel. You cannot do a runner at this point! Before you

make that all-important decision, OK, we are through the looking

glass panel. What we do today will echo through the ages. I will ask

you one by one to give me the name of the act you would like to send

the roof. We will begin with Russell. Oh no! Listen, both

amazing. The sexual chemistry in the Latin dance was amazing, but to

me, Fatima is a legend. There is nothing you can chuck about woman

she will not tackle, I have devoted wholeheartedly for her. -- I have

to vote wholeheartedly for her. Next, we come to you, leave. Oh my

gosh. This is more difficult than when I put my boy up for adoption.

My heart says the Cuban Brothers. But my pants say Suzy. I am going

to listen to my pants, Suzi and Ortis. Jo Brand, it is all on you.

The going to have to rush you for a decision. People always prevaricate

at this stage, I don't, it is Batman and the key members. --

Fatima and the Cuban Brothers. Congratulations to Fatima and the

Cuban Brothers. Fatima, you must be overjoyed, or dreading doing it all

again? No, it has been an absolute pleasure working with these guys go

I hope we have raised enough money. You have done a great job, well

done. A final word? We have had such a great time, I have been

wrapping myself around him all week, what is not to like? We have had a

great time watching you guys. Let's hear it one more time for everyone.

Thank you, dies. -- dies. Going celebrate backstage. So, next week

it is all aboard the Let's Dance expressed my destination, dance-

mageddon. Eight amazing acts, but only one trophy, and if that wasn't

enough, you will see the official Sport Relief single, Proud by JLS,

and at the exclusive UK performance by the one and only Katy Perry.

remember, if you want to contribute to the Sport Relief campaign, you

can donate by texting �5 to seven Enjoy it, it is fabulous, the

# Don't be shocked by the tone of my voice.

# Check out my new weapon, weapon of choice.

# Don't be shocked by the tone of my voice.

# Check out my new weapon, weapon of choice.

# You can go with this. # Or you can go with that.

# You can go with this. # Or you can go with that.

# You can go with this. # Or you can go with that.

# Or you can throw with us. # You can go with this.

# Or you can go with that. # You can go with this.

# Or you can go with that. # You can go with this.

# Walk without rhythm. # It won't attract the worm.

# Walk without rhythm. # And it won't attract the worm.

# You can go with this. # Or you can go with that.

# You can go with this. # Or you can go with that.

# You can go with this. # Or you can go with that.

# Or you can throw with us. # You can go with this.

# Or you can go with that. # You can go with this.

# Or you can go with that. That is going to be a tough one to