Politicos v Felinophiles Only Connect

Hello, and welcome to a brand-new series of Only Connect,

Britain's cleverest quiz, now on BBC Two.

I'd like to thank BBC Four who gave us our break

and supported us for nine series and as a gesture of appreciation,

we left.

Yes, it's the bright lights for us. Bye, BBC Four.

What are you showing now, eh?

Probably something about the Incas or folk music...

I bet it's brilliant.

SHE SIGHS

Let's meet the teams.

On my right, Ross Goodwin, a government lawyer

and keen runner who was once hypnotised at a zoo.

Joe Kerrigan, a civil servant with an interest in Irish history,

whose grandfather used to live on the same street as Nancy Reagan.

And their captain, Thomas Williams, an economics student

who enjoys fencing, teaching himself new languages

and growing bonsai trees.

United by a passion for parliament, they are the Politicos.

So, Thomas. Any weaknesses in the team?

Not great on nature, science more generally,

but I think we've got most other things covered.

Good luck. You are facing tonight, on my left,

Simon Turmaine, a plumber and inventor, who is currently inventing

a new tool that will revolutionise the bending of copper pipe.

Helen Lippell, a Latin and economics graduate

with an interest in railways,

who was featured in a documentary about the Afghanistan cricket team.

And their captain, Simon Koppel,

a database manager at the British Museum,

who studied Russian for four years

but can only remember the word for hedgehog.

United by a zest for their pets, they are the Felinophiles.

What can you tell me about the etymology

of the word "Felinophiles"?

Well, now, I know we're going to get in trouble for this

because it is a mix of Latin and Greek.

Basically, we're the Cat Lovers.

We get a lot of cat lovers on this quiz.

Quiz players aren't really dog people.

-They like the quiet stealth of a cat.

-Exactly.

In Round One, I simply want to know,

what is the connection between four apparently random clues,

but if the teams can tell me after seeing fewer than four clues,

they will get more points.

Feline-ophiles, or Fe-linophiles, or Cat Lovers, you won the toss

so you'll be going first.

Please choose your Egyptian hieroglyph.

-Two Reeds, please.

-OK, the Two Reeds.

You will be shouting "next" if you want to see another clue.

The quicker you come in, the more points you get,

but you may see up to four clues before you give me the answer.

The first one is coming up...

Now.

-Cruft.

-The stuff that's left over, waste...

-Detritus, stuff like that.

-Yeah.

-Shall we go... Next.

-Neutral Point Of View.

-Oh, these are all... Cruft is also something...

Internet related stuff.

I think they might all be Wikipedia, but let's go one more. Next.

Yes, that's definitely... A term or something...

BELL

These are all terms used in Wikipedia.

Quite right. Coming in after three clues, you get 2 points.

You didn't need to see Disambiguation page.

They are all Wikipedian terminology.

Can you tell me what they are?

NPOV is Neutral Point Of View.

Yes, sometimes that's ignored, I suspect on Wikipedia.

A little bit.

Um, Edit war is when two people want to change things

and they keep changing it back again.

Cruft, I ought to remember, but I can't.

Cruft is like waste, or stuff that's left over,

but I don't know about it in a Wikipedia context.

Cruft is sort of...excess verbage

so it might be a massive long page

about something not very important

or it might be a list of something that's too specific

and Disambiguation page, which you didn't see,

that's when a couple of people have the same name

and they tell you which is which.

So well done and over to you, Politicos, to choose a question.

-We'll have the Eye Of Horus, please.

-Eye Of Horus.

Again, you may see a maximum of four clues, here's the first.

-I don't know, how old do they have to be?

-Three.

Shall we say next? Next, please.

Named after girls, aren't they? No.

It probably is something to do with the naming.

So what about those two...

No, I think it's the order... Next, please.

-They go to the left?

-So they go...?

-Yes.

BELL

They all go to the left.

Well, that's it. It's to do with the direction of travel.

You didn't need to see a Dealer button,

which also moves to the left or clockwise.

I suppose it's really they all go clockwise

with the racecourse and the cyclone.

It slightly depends where you're standing whether it's left or right,

but it's clockwise which is traditionally to the left

so very well done. After three clues, you get 2 points.

And over to the Feline-ophiles, or Fe-linophiles,

or Fe-lino-fillies, to choose a question.

Horned Viper, please.

Horned Viper. What is the hidden connection here? The time starts...

Now.

INDISTINCT

-Famous...

-Possibly something to do with family. Next.

Is that Fanny Cradock?

That's familiar and I can't think why.

Are you sure he's not Fanny Cradock's...

Oh, she's... All of them parents of... Chefs.

-All the parents of famous chefs, yes.

-Should we go for it?

-Go for it.

-Go for it?

BELL

We think these are parents of famous chefs.

I can see why you'd think that, but I'm afraid that is not

the answer, so we're going to show the next two clues to the Politicos.

You have the chance of a bonus point.

-Isn't Nigella Slater?

-Oh, um...

They are famous chefs with the first name switched

to the equivalent of the opposite gender.

That is exactly right, yes.

Nigel Lawson is the father of Nigella,

but what we've actually done is change the names

of Nigella Lawson, Fanny Cradock, Raymond Blanc and Nigel Slater.

We've switched the gender of their names, and that's what you get.

Well done. That's a bonus point,

and you also have the chance to choose your own question.

-The Lion, please.

-The Lion. What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

-That's the Palladium. Absolutely.

-Chemical elements?

It could be elements, it could be architecture.

-It's probably elements.

-Do we want to risk at 5?

-I don't think so.

Next, please.

-Elements. Metallic, it's Iron.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-It's going to be elements.

-Yes.

-Go on.

BELL

They share their names with elements.

Metallic elements.

They share their names with metals.

You did very well to spot that after two clues.

You didn't need to see UK policeman or copper,

-or a US five-cent coin known as...?

-A nickel.

-Nickel.

But you saw the Palladium Theatre and a gold club, known as an iron.

Share their names with metals, very well done.

-OK, Felinophiles, what would you like?

-Water, please.

-Water.

-CHIME

-Ah, it's the music question.

You're going to be hearing the clues, but there's still a connection.

You'll be shouting "next" when you want to hear the next one.

Here's the first.

# ...Chorus angelorum... #

-Nothing.

-No.

-Next.

TWANGING GUITAR INTRO

-Anything?

-No.

-No.

-Next.

ROMANTIC MUSIC

-Stranger In Paradise. That's Stranger In Paradise.

-OK.

Next.

# As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death... #

-Gangster's Paradise.

-Yes.

BELL

-Paradise.

-Is the right answer.

I think you recognised Tony Bennett's Stranger In Paradise

and the last one, Coolio, Gangster's Paradise.

Did you recognise the first ones over there?

Paradise City, Guns N' Roses.

That was the second one,

and the first, In Paradisum from Faure's Requiem

and that leaves one remaining question for the Politicos.

-The Twisted Flax, please.

-The Twisted Flax.

I suspect these are going to be picture clues,

because we haven't had those yet.

What's the connection between these pictures?

Here's the first.

-It's a ring...

-(Next, should we go...?)

Next, please.

(It's a lake.)

-Ring. Lake.

-North Lake?

-Lakes in the...?

Next, please.

-(Birds.)

-(Birds...)

Type of bird?

Ring, lake, bird...

I have no idea.

Next, please.

Three seconds...

BELL

Going to have a guess?

Encyclopaedias.

I can't see a connection really.

I suppose, there might be some encyclopaedias

in that last picture, but no. That's not the connection,

so there's a bonus chance for you, Felinophiles.

Wings?

Yes, that first picture, that child very specifically

doesn't have water wings, it's got a rubber ring. No.

These are all, and I wonder if you'll kick yourselves...

Idents on BBC Four.

-Oh!

-You get them before programmes. Idents on BBC Four.

Don't watch much television.

Heralding a documentary about the Nazis or an old steam railway.

Let's look at the scores.

At the end of Round One,

the Felinophiles have 3 points,

the Politicos have 6.

In Round Two, there is a sequence.

You still have to work out what's the connection

between four apparently random clues,

but the fourth clue is invisible because I want to know what that is.

You may only see a maximum of three.

Felinophiles, your turn to go first.

Twisted Flax, please.

OK, you're going to see the first in a sequence,

these will be picture clues.

What would you expect to see in the fourth picture? Here's the first.

-A snifter.

-Is it port or brandy?

-Brandy.

-Brandy...

(Brandy...)

-(Shall I go next?)

-(Yeah.)

-Next.

-Brand. Branding.

-Oh, so brandy, brand... Bran and bra, OK.

BELL

We think we'll see a bra as the fourth picture.

-You're hoping to see a bra, are you?

-THEY LAUGH AWKWARDLY

I'll stop there.

Well, you won't be disappointed, as I've said to many men before,

it is a picture of a bra.

I think you've identified, we're looking at brandy,

brand on an animal, bran would have been next,

so taking a letter off the end each time, bra would be last.

Very well done.

-OK, Politicos, your turn to choose a question.

-The Horned Viper, please.

The Horned Viper.

What would be the fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

-It's Dutch.

-In Dutch Guyana. South America.

-Um...

-I can't think what else.

-By capitol, or...?

-Yeah. Next, please.

-Mexico? Mexico's quite a long way north.

-Yeah.

So Panama, I'm thinking, Mexico...

Next, please.

-Costa Rica?

-What's the connection between that, Suriname...

-Could it be flags?

-Numbers of borders?

-Suriname's got...

Maybe it's got two, Mexico's got three, Costa Rica's got...

Five seconds.

Take it. Just guess it.

BELL

Guatemala.

Not the answer. So, Felinophiles, you've got the chance for a bonus.

Columbia?

That's not it.

Now, welcome to Only Connect,

this is one of our fiendish sorts of question.

Look at the ends of the words.

Surina-ME, the ME is the beginning of Mexico.

-The CO at the end of Mexico is the beginning of Costa Rica.

-Canada.

Canada. We wanted to hear a country that begins with the letters CA.

OK, Felinophiles, your turn for a question.

-Lion, please.

-Lion.

What would be the fourth in this particular sequence?

Here's the first.

-Ah, it's York.

-Yeah.

-But what's going to be fourth?

-Yeah, go next.

-Next.

-Names for York.

-So that's probably...

-Then it would be Jorvik, next.

-So York?

-Yep.

-Yeah, go for it. BELL

York.

I'm very impressed. The answer is York. Very well done.

And that's, of course, because...?

It's the name of York through the centuries

-as different people conquered them.

-That's it.

A Roman name for York, followed by an Anglo-Saxon one

and Old Norse and then the name became Jork or York,

as it's known today.

-Politicos, your turn.

-Water, please.

-Water.

What would the fourth thing be in this sequence? Here's the first.

-What is that? How many points?

-I've no idea.

-No?

I don't know if it's worth points or money.

It's got to be points though... Next, please.

-Two points, then.

-Two.

So it must be going up, is it?

Or it's going down to zero.

No, it's going downwards... We're going to have to take one more.

Next, please.

Yeah, one point, so something with no points.

-Oh, the Eurovision contest, probably.

-Yeah.

-What Norway usually get at Eurovision.

-OK.

-Five seconds.

-BELL

What a particularly bad country does in Eurovision.

I will accept that answer. Can you explain why?

Because it's three points, two points,

-one point and something which gets no points.

-Exactly.

We went for the quiz with Alexander Armstrong and Richard Osman.

The Pointless quiz show, but, yes, you get three points

for a minimum speeding penalty, two points in a rugby conversion,

sharpened pencil has one point, we needed to hear something pointless.

Felinophiles, which question would you like?

Two Reeds.

Two Reeds. What would you expect to see last in this sequence?

Here's the first.

British number one tennis players?

-Why 4th?

-I don't know.

Might be 4th in the world, I think he's been that before.

Next.

Oh! It's the letters.

RD is Roald Dahl, TH is Tim Henman, so it's going to be first.

..Yeah, yeah.

Go for it then.

BELL

Since I can't think of a better answer, 1st...

..my colleague here, Simon Turmaine.

I will accept 1ST: Simon Turmaine.

We've actually got 1ST: Stephen Tompkinson.

Talk us through it.

It's the letters after the number are the initials of the person.

That's it. You're getting the hang of it, it's more hidden letters.

TH for Tim Henman, RD for Roald Dahl.

ND, it's not second at all, it's two-ND

Nadine Dorries and we wanted to hear somebody with the initials ST.

You couldn't have picked a better example.

Lucky you brought him with you.

Politicos, one question remains, the Eye Of Horus.

It's swivelling its gaze towards you.

What would you expect to see fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

-Means nothing to me.

-No, I've never heard of him.

Next, please.

Yeah...

Do the words mean anything? Trying to think...

Would you translate them to something else? Next, please.

-Steve Jobs.

-OK.

-Oh, he's head of Apple.

-He died recently.

-The richest men in the world?

-No, he's not that...

INDISTINCT

Three seconds.

BELL

Steven Wright.

Steven Wright? The comedian?

Or another Steven Wright.

It's none of the Steven Wrights in the world, I'm afraid.

There's a bonus chance for the Felinophiles.

We're going to try Tim Cook.

The answer is Tim Cook.

Very well done. Who are these people?

Um, heads of Apple and Tim Cook came after Steve Jobs.

That's right, they are the CEOs of Apple. Very well done to you.

That means, at the end of Round Two, the Politicos have 8 points,

the Felinophiles have 13.

Round Three is the Connecting Wall.

16 clues this time which the teams need to sort

into four connected groups of four. There are red herrings.

There are clues that may fit into more than one category

but like a sudoku, there is only one correct solution.

Politicos, you'll be going first this time,

-so please choose Lion or Water.

-Lion, please.

-OK.

You have two-and-a-half minutes to solve the Lion wall,

starting...

Now.

OK, Atticus Finch, Boo Radley, Scout and Jem are all characters in...

-BUZZ

-So's Bubba, I think.

-Erm... I can't see any others from that.

-OK, sharks.

-Carnival shark, nurse shark...

-Tiger shark.

-And...

-Bull shark?

-BUZZ

-Great White Shark.

-Great White is the obvious one, sorry.

-BUZZ

-Circle through those, keep trying.

BUZZ

Other ideas...

BUZZ

-BUZZ

-Is Bubba a... or Dill, is one of those a...

We'll try Bubba, Jem, Atticus and Boo.

-BUZZ

-No.

-Scout, Atticus, Boo, Bubba?

-BUZZ

Boo, Scout, Jem, Bubba?

BUZZ

-Atticus, Scout, Jem, Bubba?

-BUZZ

Are we barking up the wrong tree? Shall we try something else?

Fuzzy logic...

-Sharks are definitely in there.

-OK.

-What have we definitely got?

-Great White, Tiger...

I don't know if a Dill shark, or a Milk shark or a Scout Shark.

BUZZ

It's too many.

-Ice cream, Milk...

-Ice Cream, sandwich...

-Fishing trip, Fishing rod?

-Yeah.

-Stock market crash - could it be crash?

-No.

Nurse, Tiger, Great white, Bull?

BUZZ

Nurse, Carnival, Great white, Bull?

-VICTORIA:

-You've got a minute left.

Nurse, Carnival, Tiger, Bull?

BUZZ

Ice cream, Bull?

There is definitely a group there

but I do not know what the other one is.

It's just finding the fourth one.

Boo, Atticus, Scout, Dill?

-BUZZ

-30 seconds...

Well done.

Fuzzy, Bubba, are golfers. Bubba Watson, Fuzzy, erm...

-A Great white is...

-Is there another bloke called...?

-Er. Boo.

-BUZZ

-Is there Boo something, a golfer?

-BUZZ

-Tiger.

-Tiger Woods!

-Fuzzy... Bubba Watson. It's not Great white.

Five seconds.

-Is that a nickname?

-Yeah.

BUZZ

And the time is up.

You snatched a group from the Jaws Of Confusion.

That's a point and I'll give you a bonus point

if you can tell me what connects Dill, Atticus, Gem, Scout?

They're characters from To Kill A Mocking Bird.

That's right. Jem and Scout are the children,

Dill's the friend of theirs.

You can still get points for the connections in the groups

you didn't find. Let's resolve the Wall.

What about that one?

Boo, Bubba, Tiger, Fuzzy?

They're nicknames of golfers, or names of golfers.

-First names of golfers.

-You spotted it late in the day.

Boo Weekley, Tiger Woods, Bubba Watson and Fuzzy Zoeller,

nicknames of golfers.

And the pink group, Nurse, Great white, Milk, Bull?

They're all types of shark.

Those are the sharks. And the last one...

Fishing, Carnival, Stock market, Ice cream.

-No, I don't think we've got a clue.

-No, you're not spotting it there.

It is Floats.

You get a Fishing float,

a Carnival float, of course in a parade,

a Stock market float and an Ice cream float

when you drop it into a fizzy drink

or, as I like to, a whisky.

Nevertheless you got a point for finding one of the groups

and three bonus points for the connections - a total of four.

Time to bring back the Felinophiles now and give them a new connecting

wire, wool, well I'm lost.

16 fresh clues that still need sorting into

four connected groups of four.

It'll be the Wall To Wall for you cat fans.

The Lion has been taken.

You have two-and-a-half minutes to solve it...

Starting...now.

Wrestlers?

The Undertaker, Big Daddy...

Tripe H, I think, is a wrestler.

Do we have a fourth one?

Could be Brick?

-CM Punk, is that a wrestler?

-Try.

BUZZ

Try these three again, are likely to be...

Shall I try Horse?

BUZZ

Let me keep trying a few of these, you guys see what else you can find.

-I think we should try...

-Peg, Brick, Hanger...

-Drury, Chancery...

-Yes.

-Park Lane?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Brick?

-Hanger Lane isn't spelt like that.

-Right.

Yes, it is. It is spelt like that.

I'll work through those options.

BUZZ

OK, gone.

Right, so... Erm...

Brush and Peg feel like they go together but I'm not quite sure why.

-Do we know anything about Gooper?

-No.

-Could be another wrestler.

-CM Punk?

Horse, is that a wrestler?

Have we tried Gooper as a wrestler?

I haven't but there's no guarantee that those three are right.

So Line, Brush and Peg and Brick feel like they go together

-but I'm not quite sure.

-Yeah.

-Let me try it just as a...

BUZZ

-Christian?

-Magic. Magic Christian.

Magic Line, Magic Brush...

-Magic Christian is a film.

-OK.

-Shall we try that?

-Any other magics?

Magic Horse?

We'll try it.

BUZZ

No, I don't think this is right. OK.

I still think we've got wrestlers.

We've definitely got some wrestlers.

The Undertaker and Triple H have to be in there.

Big Daddy, probably.

I've tried Big Daddy with various things.

I'll try it with Christian and with Maggie.

I'm doubting that Big Daddy's in there now.

-We're quite short of time, guys.

-I know.

Ten seconds >

OK...

Five seconds >

Shall we just pick some things at random?

The time is up.

The Wall has frozen but you found two groups, that's two points

and you can have bonus points for the connections.

These are all lanes in London.

They are London lanes.

These are professional wrestlers.

I'll take the word "professional" loosely.

They are WWE wrestlers.

You can still get points for connections in the groups you didn't find.

Let's resolve the Wall.

OK, Gooper, Maggie, Brick, Big Daddy?

They are characters from...

-..the... Oh, the thing with...

-What, what?

It's too long, I can't take it.

They are characters from the Tennessee Williams play,

Cat On A Hot Tin Roof.

And the last group, Line, Peg, Horse, Brush?

-Clothes?

-They can all be preceded by "Clothes".

Yes, they can.

Clothes Line, Clothes Peg, Clothes Horse, Clothes Brush.

At the conclusion you get two points for the groups that you found

and three more points for the connections.

That is a total of five.

Let's have a look at the scores going into the Final Round.

Round Four is the Missing Vowels round.

We take well known names, phrases or sayings,

take out the vowels and squidge up the consonants.

I want the teams to tell me what those hidden words are.

They will still come in connected groups of four

and I'll tell you the connections up front.

But, beware teams, if you get anything wrong,

even so much as a consonant,

this time I will take a point away.

Fingers on buzzers.

I can tell you that the first group are all balls

smaller than a tennis ball.

Felinophiles?

-Golf ball.

-Correct.

Politicos?

-Squash ball.

-Correct.

Don't know this one, it's human eyeball. Next clue...

Politicos?

-Table tennis ball.

-Correct.

Next category, Animals and their noises.

Politicos?

-Bee and buzz.

-Correct.

-Felinophiles?

-Sheep and baa.

I like the impression, correct.

Next clue.

Felines?

-Cow and moo.

-Correct.

Politicos?

Cock and cock.

Not a noise and an animal that go together, I'm afraid.

A bonus chance, Felinophiles?

Cuckoo and cuckoo.

And answer is cuckoo and cuckoo.

The next category, they are all represented by the letter "C".

Felines?

One hundred. Correct.

Felines?

-Twelve in hexadecimal.

-Very good.

Don't know this one.

END OF QUIZ JINGLE

Well, it's the end of the quiz.

That as Ascorbic acid or Vitamin C.

That noise means we have finished for tonight

and, at the end, the Politicos

have an excellent 14 points

but the winners, with 24 points, it's the Felinophiles.

Very well done to you, you are straight through to the next round.

Politicos, you need to win another game to get to the next round.

In a way, you are also going into a next round

but it's a different sort of next round.

New viewers please take note,

compared to the structure of the competition, the questions are easy.

Thank you all very much for playing,

we'll see you again and join me next time

where two more teams will be sitting on a knife edge,

which they've elected to do because we've brought our studio furniture

across from BBC Four and a knife edge is marginally more comfortable!

Goodbye.