History Boys v Oxonians Only Connect

Hello, and welcome to Only Connect,

the show that puts the OC into OCD.

And if you have OCD, you'll be thinking,

"But what was it before they put the OC into it?

"Just D? That doesn't work."

Any viewers who are concerned that I'm poking fun at a condition

I don't understand, don't worry -

that's not how we think on this show.

To be honest, I'm not really thinking about anything apart from

whether I accidentally touched the light switch an odd number of times

before I left the dressing room. I might have to go back.

In the meantime, let's meet the teams.

On my right, Rob Hannah.

A company director and qualified lion tamer with

degrees in linguistics, art history and philosophy.

Craig Element,

a computer programmer with an interest in classical history, who

enjoys fantasy sports competitions but is terrified of spiders.

And their captain, Gareth Kingston,

a marketing manager and cricket umpire who enjoys creative writing

and leading walking tours of London.

United by a passion for the past, they are The History Boys.

Now, Gareth, this isn't the team's first time on Only Connect, is it?

No, we took part in series 2,

and came up against The Rugby Boys in the first round.

The all-conquering Rugby Boys, as it turned out.

They were series champions and we were a first round exit.

But you're back for another visit?

Well, you know, you learn the lessons of history,

and we waited until you could play the first round and lose

and still have another go before we'd come back.

That's the spirit.

You'll be playing the first round tonight against, on my left,

John Jenkins, a medieval history tutor and keen record collector

whose voice is featured on the audio tour of Torre Abbey in Torquay.

Ian Hughson, a law graduate who practises Chinese martial arts

and enjoys amateur choral singing.

And their captain, Justin Floyd, a history graduate who hails from

Georgia and boasts a significant collection of ceramic dog figurines.

They all live, work and study in Oxford. They are the Oxonians.

So, how have the Oxonians been preparing for Only Connect?

Well, John and his lovely girlfriend invited us over for dinner,

we had a nice meal

and then we did a bit of practice for a couple of hours,

had some chat, so, all in all just pleasant practice,

nothing too out of the normal for us.

That sounds horribly relaxed. I'm not sure I approve.

Hey, this was in the evening. We watched Only Connect as well, so...

That sounds better.

That always takes the joy out of an evening, I find.

In Round One I will be asking what is the connection between four

apparently random clues but if the teams can tell me

whilst seeing fewer than four clues, they will get more points.

History Boys, you won the toss. You'll be going first.

Please choose your Egyptian hieroglyph.

-Could I have Lion, please?

-You certainly may.

The music question immediately.

What is the connection between the clues you're going to hear?

Here's the first.

MUSIC PLAYS WITH GERMAN LYRICS

It's Mack The Knife.

Next, please.

SONG WITH FRENCH LYRICS

This is original versions of songs...

THEY CONFER

BELL

It's the original language versions of songs that later became

hits in the English language.

That is exactly what it is.

Very well done, coming in after two clues. You get three points.

-What did we hear?

-Mack The Knife.

-Or rather...

-Mack Und Knife?

Die Moritat von Mackie Messer.

And, erm, My Way.

Or...

Comme habitude, or something.

It is Comme d'habitude.

You didn't need to hear "Io che non vivo senza te", which would be...

No idea.

You Don't Have To Say You Love Me,

and of course Mary Hopkin's Those Were The Days,

in Russian would be...

-I know it in the original...

-Dorogoi dlinnoyu.

You didn't need to hear them.

Well done. Three points for you.

Oxonians, please choose a hieroglyph.

-The Horned Viper, please.

-The Horned Viper.

What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

OK, Pope John XX, did he die in office?

WHISPERING

Next.

Did they have any hats? Did they have a new person involved?

-You know the album?

-Not well, no.

-Next.

Did it move somewhere? Was it held in January?

Next.

It didn't exist.

Five seconds.

These are all things that did not exist.

They did not exist. Very well done.

What can you tell me about any of the clues?

Well, the Australian Open '86, that's when they moved from December

to January, and so there was not a December '86 edition of that.

The 3rd to 13th September 1752 is

when the change of calendar happened in England, I think.

It was the move from the Julian

to the Gregorian calendar.

And what about Pope John XX?

I guess that Pope John XX

died before he could take office.

No, it's actually John XXI

thought there had already been

a John XX so took XXI by mistake.

Not so infallible.

And The Travelling Wilburys Vol. 2,

there's a Vol. 1 and a Vol. 3,

but they missed out the middle one, hilariously.

So, that's a point to you, Oxonians, and back to the History Boys

to choose a question.

Eye of Horus, please.

The Eye of Horus.

What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

Don't know. Erm...

Next, please.

These are subtitles of well known books, so, I guess...

But is there a connection between the titles?

Shall we go one more? Next, please.

Oh, unless...

A definition of something. Is it history? It's got to be history.

Yeah.

Shall we go for it?

History.

These are descriptions of history.

You didn't need to see the last clue, "More or less bunk",

that was Henry Ford, but various people describing history.

Very well done, History Boys.

And Oxonians, it's back to you for a choice.

Could we have the Twisted Flax, please?

You certainly may.

What connects these clues? Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

Next.

Next.

Next.

One second.

Are these titles of Beatles songs?

They are not all titles of Beatles songs, so, History Boys, you've got

the chance for a bonus point.

All things that are yellow.

They are all things that are yellow.

The last one refers to the Beatles

song Yellow Submarine.

Emberiza citrinella is

-the yellowhammer, it's a bird.

-OK.

Flavivirus febricis...

Yellow fever?

Yellow fever, when you're all

shivery and hot, although

to be honest I am every morning.

I think it's the gin.

And the first one, Henry Pym,

who's that?

That is Giant-Man, or Ant-Man.

Well, now, you see, he's not.

He is a superhero, sometimes called Ant-Man.

Yellow Jacket is one of the things he was

in the Marvel comics.

And sometimes has was Ant-Man

and his sidekick was a sexy wasp.

OK, so, a bonus point for you, History Boys,

and the chance to choose a question.

Two Reeds, please.

Two Reeds.

What connects these clues?

Here's the first.

Could be anything. Next, please.

Again, could be anything. Could be breeds of cattle, but let's go...

Next, please.

They're items named after places.

Well, they're just places, aren't they?

Items of knitwear named after places?

Is Guernsey knitwear?

Do we want to see another one?

Next, please.

Let's say it's items of clothing named after places.

BELL

Items of clothing named after a place.

That's exactly what they are.

Do you know Guernsey?

No, unless you wear a cow or something.

Do you know what a Guernsey is,

-in clothing?

-No. A sweater?

It is a sweater, specifically it's worn by people

playing Australian rules football.

-Nobody play Australian rules football here?

-No.

No, we sit inside and read, like proper people.

OK, Oxonians, one question remains.

I think you can guess it's going to be

the picture question because we haven't had that yet.

It's denoted by water.

Here's the first clue.

Ken Dodd's teeth. Buck teeth...

Next.

Merv Hughes' moustache. Were they all insured?

Yes, insured things. Do we want to get the next one?

Insured parts of the body, it'll be Shane McGowan's teeth or something.

-Shall we go with it?

-Yeah.

BELL

Insured parts of the body, or things that have been insured?

Well, I'll take it.

Can you tell me anything else?

Um, they had something taken out with Lloyd's of London, perhaps?

That's what it is. All insured by Lloyd's of London.

The last clue was the Titanic, not a part

of the body, but neither was it a great gamble by Lloyd's of London.

Ken Dodd's teeth, Merv Hughes' moustache,

and who is that in the third picture?

That's the million dollar legs.

-Of...

-Betty Grable?

It is Betty Grable, with the

fabulous legs. Well done.

All things insured by

Lloyd's of London.

That means, at the end of Round One, the Oxonians have four points,

the History Boys have seven.

In Round Two, the teams still have to work out

the connection between four apparently random clues, but they

may not see the fourth clue because I want to know what it is.

The clues will come in sequence and I will ask what should be fourth.

History Boys, you're going first again.

Which question would you like?

Could I have Lion, please?

Lion. OK. You will see

the first in a series of clues.

What would you expect to see fourth?

The time starts now.

These are the first James Bond films,

starting with Moore, Dalton...

So, it'll be Daniel Craig and...

Casino Royale's baddie was

-Le Chiffre.

-Shall we go for it?

Craig, Le Chiffre..

It can't go back the other way, can it?

There was Moore, Dalton, Brosnan.

-It can't go back the other way.

-No.

BELL

Craig, Le Chiffre.

Goodness me, you've spent a lot

of Boxing Days in front of the TV.

The answer is Craig, Le Chiffre.

They are the first villains

encountered by successive

James Bonds.

Dr Kananga, General Koskov,

Alec Trevelyan and the first

villain met by Daniel Craig was

Le Chiffre, the terrible poker

player. But then again,

James Bond in that film was also a terrible poker player.

Everyone in the film was a terrible poker player.

Let me tell you, I'd like to have got my hands

on a suitcase full of money and joined that game.

Oxonians.

The Horned Viper, please.

The Horned Viper.

What would you expect to see fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Things the Romans did for us.

THEY CONFER

I can't think of the sequence...

Sanitation, healthcare, something like that.

Next.

Yeah, OK. It's either the roads or the healthcare, isn't it?

We'd have to go for another one to be sure.

Next.

Five seconds.

BELL

Fourth, the medicine or the healthcare.

Not the answer, I'm afraid,

so another bonus chance for you,

History Boys.

I need your answer right away.

Education.

Not it either. Far more important.

Fourth, irrigation.

I think you recognised these are

things the Romans have done for us,

according to The Life Of Brian,

and fourth would be irrigation.

OK, History Boys, what would you like now?

Eye of Horus, please.

Eye of Horus. What would be the fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Is this circles of Hell?

Something like that?

Next, please.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

So, what's the ninth?

Is it something like Rake's Progress or something like that?

-Possession is nine tenths of the law, is that what it is?

-No.

Don't think so.

These are sins, aren't they?

Five seconds.

BELL

Ninth, drunkenness.

Not the answer, by any means.

Oxonians, you have the

chance of a bonus point.

Ninth, treason.

I'll take it. Treason, or treachery.

These are the sixth, seventh,

eighth and ninth circles of Hell,

according to Dante,

and what's the tenth circle of Hell?

Where Satan is, himself?

Chewing on the bodies of...

Actually, no.

In the published works of Dante

there are only nine circles,

and the ninth and final one

is treachery. But in what they

call the Lost Papers,

tenth circle is The Connecting Wall.

You'll be meeting that later.

Oxonians, what would you like as a question?

Can we have Two Reeds, please?

Yes, you may.

These are going to be picture clues.

What would you expect to see in the fourth picture? Here's the first.

Next.

That is a person. He's a singer, probably.

Next.

Well, that's Iggy Pop.

Something pop. Snap, crackle, pop?

-Don't recognise that.

-No.

Who was the second one?

Five seconds.

BELL

A bottle of water fizzing.

And why would that be?

I think it might be the sequence

snap, crackle, pop, fizz.

I think I'm combining two different merchandise slogans, though.

That's not the answer, I'm afraid.

History Boys, bonus chance for you.

A picture of a pup.

It is a picture of a pup.

A lovely seal pup, we've gone for.

And why is that?

You've got Pep Guardiola, Pip, as in Gladys Knight and the Pips, Iggy Pop.

So, you've got P and P with an E, I, O and then U for Pup.

That's right, we're changing the

vowel going through the alphabet.

Pep, pip, pop, pup.

History Boys, your turn.

Twisted Flax, please.

Twisted Flax. What would come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

Types of territory, erm,

African territory.

What would come fourth? Next.

Are these women's names?

But what would be next?

These are the Queen's grandkids.

-Are they?

-Could be.

George is the most recent.

There's a new one, isn't there?

Yes, it's...

Five seconds.

BELL

Mia Grace.

Mia is all we need to hear

because, as I heard you muttering,

these are the Queen's great- grandchildren in order of birth.

George is the one that would be ahead in line to the

throne in that list,

and Mia is the latest daughter of

Zara Tindall and her husband Mike.

Well done. Oxonians, one question remains again. I believe it's water.

What would be the fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

John Mortimer?

Emily Mortimer?

Next.

THEY CONFER

Next.

Oh, these are British champions...

Female tennis champions?

So, they're British as well.

Three seconds.

BELL

Murray, 2013.

That is the answer.

Yes, when Andy Murray won Wimbledon

and everybody said,

"Oh, we haven't had a champion since Fred Perry."

Not the case, we had Mortimer, 1961.

Haydon Jones, 1969. Wade, 1977.

Those noble women who were British Wimbledon singles champions.

That means at the end of Round 2, the Oxonians have seven points.

The History Boys have 15.

Time now for that tenth circle of Hell. It's the Connecting Wall.

16 clues that need sorting into four connected groups of four.

Oxonians, your turn to go first this time,

and you have the choice, Lion or Water?

-We'd like the Water Wall, please.

-OK.

You have got two and a half minutes to solve the Water Wall,

starting now.

OK, Carrie is a Stephen King... Grease and Hairspray are both...

-Macaroni penguin, Emperor penguin.

-Yes.

Rockhopper penguin and... King penguin.

There's four, but do we have a fifth one that could be...

The Bolt penguin, is that one?

Holding position.

Bolt.

Oh, these are Jamaicans. Holding and Bolt.

Bolt, Marley...

Holding and...Jones?

OK, elbow grease, elbow room, elbow joint and elbow spin.

So those four are the only four it can be, I think.

Elbow spin?

So, fairy...liquid?

Basic is a computer language.

Shall we get the elbow things out the way?

Then we only have three guesses left.

Let's try the penguins. Rockhopper, Emperor, Macaroni and King.

Do we have a fifth it could be?

Fairy penguin?

I can imagine a fairy penguin.

OK, we'll try it with that.

Three strikes now.

Elbow joint, elbow room, elbow grease, OK...

They're all musicals, aren't they? Oh, no.

Hairspray is a musical. Macaroni...and cheese.

Macaroni was the name for toffs in the 18th century.

Basic is a programming language.

-Carry on films. Carrie Fisher.

-Cary Grant?

-No, it's different spelling.

Hairspray is Ricki Lake. John Travolta...

-Who starred in Carrie, in the film?

-You've got 30 seconds.

Two strikes now.

Elbow macaroni?

Five seconds.

That's it. You've solved the Wall with just a few seconds to go.

And you'll get extra points for the connections.

So, Jones, Marley, Bolt, Holding.

Those are all Jamaicans, I believe.

Celebrated Jamaicans. It was Grace Jones at the beginning.

Bob Marley, of course. Usain Bolt and Michael Holding the cricketer.

And the next one. Rockhopper, Fairy, Emperor, King.

Types of penguin, or names of penguins.

Those are the penguins.

Spin, Macaroni, Joint, Room.

All can be prefixed by elbow.

That's right. It's elbow macaroni you hadn't come across.

It's just a little tubular pasta.

Oh. Yes.

That's it. I've come across most types of pasta,

as the viewers in HD can probably see.

And the last group,

Carrie, Basic, Hairspray, Grease.

Are these all musicals?

They are not all musicals.

Now, I heard you muttering this while you were playing the wall, so

you'll kick yourselves. They are all films featuring John Travolta.

I just said it.

Yes, but you do get four points for finding the groups,

three bonus points for the connections.

That is a total of seven.

So, a fresh torturous Connecting Wall has been prepared

for the History Boys, who'll be coming back in for their turn.

Still need to sort it out into four connected groups of four.

You'll be getting the Lion Wall, because Water's been taken.

You have two and a half minutes to solve it, starting now.

Bath buns, Chelsea buns...

Doge, Venice. Cathode ray...

Madeley. Richard Madeley.

Boarding. Snowboarding? Oh, no.

Ski boarding.

Cowboy boots, snowboard boots...

Wellington boots. Gum boots.

What other types of boots...

What's Ludlow going to be? That's in Shropshire, isn't it?

-Shrewsbury's in Shropshire.

-Yeah.

Unless we go for buns...

Noel Coward.

Are these dogs? Wellington, Churchill dog.

-Bolt's a dog, isn't it?

-Yes, it is, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Doge is a dog from the internet, it's like a meme.

Churchill's a dog.

Snow...Snowy?

What would Cathode be?

Well, you have cathode ray, you have...

We've still got buns. Bath bun, Chelsea bun...

What could Coward be?

Words at the end? You've got now, ode...

Maybe.

It's a bit tenuous.

You've got a minute left.

Is Bolt that dog from... Are we still on dogs?

Girls' names. Cath...

-You've got animals.

-Oh, yeah. Cow, dog...

We've got two cows now.

Bat.

And Boar.

And Cat, you've got Cat.

Don't forget Cat.

Ten seconds.

Three strikes.

Cowboy, snow, gum...

Three seconds.

That's it. The time is up.

But you found two groups

and you can get bonus points for the connections.

Shrewsbury, Wellington, Ludlow, Madeley.

Places in Shropshire.

They're all in Shropshire.

Bath, Boarding, Doge, Cathode.

They've all got animals' names in them. Bat, Boar, Dog, Cat.

That's right. Hidden at the beginning, Bat, Boar, Dog, Cat.

Animal names at the start.

And you can still get points for the connections

in the groups you didn't find, so let's resolve the Wall.

Chelsea, Gum, Snow, Cowboy.

It's boots, is it?

Boots.

Those are the boots.

You started looking for that group early and gave up.

-You didn't look for Chelsea.

-Didn't know Chelsea.

And the last group. Bolt, Bond, Churchill, Coward.

Are these fictional dogs?

They are not dogs.

What they are is English playwrights.

Robert Bolt, Edward Bond, Caryl Churchill, Noel Coward.

Playwrights.

But you get two points for finding the groups

and three more points for connections.

That is a total of five.

Let's have a look at the scores going into Round 4.

The final round is the Missing Vowels round. We've taken well-known

names, phrases and sayings, taken out the vowels

and squidged up the consonants.

I want to know what the hidden words are.

So, fingers on buzzers.

The first group are all things that come in twelves.

BELL

Labours of Hercules.

That's correct.

BELL

-Tribes of Israel.

-Correct.

BELL

-Angry Men.

-Yes, it is.

BELL

-Months of the year.

-Yes.

Next category, TV talent shows.

BELL

-Stars In Their Eyes.

-Yes, it is.

BELL

-New Faces.

-Yep.

BELL

-Pop Idol.

-Yes.

BELL

Opportunity Knocks.

Indeed, so, the next category.

They include or contain cabbages.

BELL

-Sauerkraut.

-Yes.

BELL

-Colcannon.

-Correct.

BELL

The Walrus And The Carpenter.

Cabbages and Kings, yes.

BELL

-Crackerjack.

-Correct. Next category.

Music-hall songs.

BELL

-Waiting At The Church.

-Yup.

END-OF-ROUND JINGLE

No time to give me the answer to the last one,

which would've been Boiled Beef and Carrots.

Not sure how many old music-hall songs you guys know over there.

But that is the end of the round, and the final scores are...

So, very well done, History Boys.

You are straight through to the next round.

But, Oxonians, you're also through to the next round.

Just a slightly worse next round.

In our structure that I still don't completely understand.

But we'll be seeing all of you again, and that's it for tonight.

The next confrontation will be between host and wine glass.

Goodbye.