QI Elves v Bibliophiles Only Connect

16 teams. 27 battles. Only one winner.

Is what I'd be saying if this were a film.

It's not, it's a quiz but it's actually very like a film.

It raises interesting questions,

you never know who's going to get killed off

and the special effects are so good you probably won't even notice them.

It's just like Lord of the Rings.

I'm thinking especially of those moments after the show when,

remembering the bottle of whisky I left in my dressing room,

I crawl towards it in my pants whispering, "Precious."

Two new teams tonight and they are, on my right...

Anne Miller, a politics and sociology graduate who ran

the tango society at Edinburgh University.

And knows more about puffins than anyone else.

Andrew Hunter Murray,

an Oxford English graduate who

performs in a Jane Austin themed improvisation group called

Austentatious and makes very good sloe gin.

And their captain James Harkin,

a maths

and physics graduate who has danced with the world's most advanced

humanoid robot and once broke a rib while being chased by a zombie.

United by something quite

interesting, they are the QI Elves.

The QI Elves. Above ground, at last.

I'm sure our viewers will be immediately asking,

"Do you know everything about everything?"

No, not at all.

I think one of the main things about QI is nobody knows anything.

We'll be proving that tonight.

It's very exciting to have you here.

Certainly at Only Connect when we heard we were going to BBC 2

we were pleased at being slightly nearer our fellow geeks.

I'm hoping it will be very crowded in the corner of the Christmas

party this year.

I am equally excited to welcome on my left,

Richard Clay, a Cambridge maths graduate who runs his local

juggling club and has a style of juggling named in his honour.

Vince Milner, a civil servant

and maths graduate who was kidnapped for 120 seconds as a baby in Cyprus.

And their captain, Mike Hart.

A former university careers advisor who enjoys hill walking

and has only missed one episode of Dr Who since 1978.

United by a passion for prose, they are the Bibliophiles.

-So are the Bibliophiles all members of a book club?

-Partly true, yes.

My wingmen Richard and Vince are in a book club.

Which I have applied to join.

Alas, I'm yet to gain entry. They have so far snubbed my approaches.

Where do you think you're going wrong?

I pressed my face against the window but...

Apparently the sitting rooms they go to are too small to

-accommodate new members.

-Is there an auditions procedure?

I don't know. I haven't got that far, to be honest.

Maybe a telephone interview, I don't know.

We're going to start with round one.

What's the connection between four apparently random clues?

QI Elves, I'll be saying that a lot. QI Elves, you won the toss.

You will be going first.

Please choose an Egyptian hieroglyph.

-OK, we would like Two Reeds, please.

-OK.

It's the music question immediately.

You may hear a maximum of four pieces of music

but the fewer you hear the more points you get for the right answer.

The first is coming in now.

# She comes out of the sun

# In a summer dress... #

Next.

# The very thought of you... #

It had to be you.

Next.

# When there are grey skies

# I don't mind a grey sky

# You make them blue... #

Next.

# I, I'm so in love with you... #

-Three seconds.

-Is it Otis Redding?

BELL

They all have names which are places in the UK.

Not a valid connection, I'm afraid.

Bibliophiles, you've got the chance of a bonus point.

Do they all involve names of pets?

Not unless you called all

the pets Al.

We heard Year of the Cat, Al Stewart.

The Very Thought of You, Al Bowlly.

It was then Al Jolson with Sonny Boy

and Al Green with Let's Stay Together.

All Als.

So no bonus point, Bibliophiles, but you may choose your own question.

Horned Viper, please.

The Viper. What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

Next.

Next.

Could be Aust...

Australian TV series.

Next.

BELL

We're going for Australian TV shows.

Not the answer although I imagine

you could pitch them

all as Australian TV shows.

It doesn't connect them all. QI Elves, your chance for a bonus.

We don't know.

Are they alternative titles for TV shows

when they've gone to another country?

They're not. A similar area

but I'll tell you what this is.

These are all

the autobiographies of sportspeople.

Serious is the autobiography of John McEnroe.

Frame and Fortune, Steve Davis.

As told to Brian Radford.

G'day Ya Pommie B...! Want to have a guess who that might be?

Shane Warne? Ricky Ponting?

David "Bumble" Lloyd. And the last one,

It's Not About The Bike...

-Bradley Wiggins, Lance Armstrong?

-Lance Armstrong.

It really wasn't about the bike, was it?

Sportspeople's autobiographies was the answer there.

Elves, what would you like now?

-We'll try Lion, please.

-Lion.

What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

-He was number 13.

-Next.

Next.

Consecutive years.

Same year maybe?

Much after Fillmore.

Next.

-I've never heard of him. Have you?

-No.

Three seconds.

BELL

We're going to try the number 13.

It is the number 13.

I heard you muttering on the first

question that Millard Fillmore

is the 13th president.

Where do you think lace fits in?

I have no idea.

13th Amendment the slavery one?

The abolition of slavery is

the 13th Amendment.

Lace is the 13th

wedding anniversary.

And the last clue refers to the

early psychedelic rock band

13th Floor Elevators.

Well done, 13 is the connection.

Back to the Bibliophiles for a question.

-Eye of Horus, please.

-The Eye of Horus.

What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

Next.

Next.

It's party political things.

BELL

It's party political emblems and their associated colours.

That's absolutely it.

Coming in after three clues you get two points.

A rose with red are the Labour Party.

Tree is the logo of the

Tories in blue.

-Pound of...

-UKIP.

UKIP who are purple and bird you didn't need Lib Dems in yellow.

Logos of political parties and their colours. Well done.

Back to you, Elves.

Can we try water, please?

Why not?

What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

Could be anything.

Next, please.

Character named after something.

Next.

All played by people...

Next.

Three seconds.

BELL

OK.

We're going to say Martin Freeman worked with them.

Martin Freeman has been the sidekick to all those characters.

They are all people who have had

a sidekick played by Martin Freeman.

That is Ford Prefect in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

-Accompanied by Marin Freeman as...

-Arthur Dent.

David Brent from the Office had Tim Canterbury as a sidekick

played by Martin Freeman.

Sherlock Holmes played by Benedict Cumberbatch.

Do people tell you you look like

-Benedict Cumberbatch?

-A little bit.

He has a really long coat, as well.

That I'd like to see.

Yes, his associate, John Watson, played by Martin Freeman.

And Gandalf in The Hobbit,

his associate, Bilbo Baggins, all played by Martin Freeman.

Back to you, Bibliophiles, for the last question, the Twisted Flax.

These are going to be picture clues.

What connects them? Here's the first.

-Do you recognise him?

-Yeah, he's the guy in Vicar Of Dibley.

Yes. Next.

Next.

THEY WHISPER

I think it's peacock. That's the peacock symbol of NBC.

He's Mr Peacock in Vicar Of Dibley.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

We're going to say peacock.

Once again, coming in after three clues, you get two points.

Peacock is the connection.

What can you tell me about those clues you're looking at?

-I think Richard may have to help out.

-That's the NBC symbol, a peacock.

The first one is either the actor's Peacock or he plays

Mr Peacock in Vicar of Dibley.

It's the actor, Trevor Peacock from the Vicar Of Dibley.

Second one is the Paralympian Johnny Peacock

and you didn't need to see Mrs Peacock

from the game of Cluedo. Well done.

At the end of Round One, the QI Elves have two points,

the Bibliophiles have four.

Round Two is the sequences round, this time the teams may see

a maximum of three clues, because I want to know what comes fourth.

They must work out the connections, then the sequence,

then the final clue. Elves, you'll be going first again.

Please choose a hieroglyph.

OK, let's try Eye Of Horus, please.

The Eye Of Horus. What will come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

5-4-3-2-1, I think.

OK, but we're not going to get it off the next one, are we?

Next, please.

Noel Clarke, what's that?

Is that five in the title or a number in the title?

-Let's go next.

-Next.

3-2-1. So it's something with 2.

5-4-3-2-1, 4.3.2.1, 3-2-1,

-so 2-1 is a second class degree.

-Yeah.

A higher second class degree.

An upper-second-class degree would be a perfect example

of what I'm looking for. And what am I looking for?

We have 5-4-3-2-1. Presumably, that's 4.3.2.1, although we didn't know it.

The Noel Clarke film, 4.3.2.1, that's right.

And then, much more in our territory, Dusty Bin was on 3-2-1,

and 2-1 is the last one.

That's right. The sequence 5-4-3-2-1

with a number coming off the beginning each time,

so an example of 2-1 would be an upper second.

Back to you, Bibliophiles. What would you like?

-Two Reeds, please.

-Two Reeds. What would come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

That's nickname for the state...

Next.

THEY WHISPER

..in Florida.

-Don't know.

-Next.

THEY WHISPER

Sunshine State?

-I don't know what that is.

-I think I know. Say Sunshine.

I think that's the answer.

Sunshine, FL.

-Is the right answer.

-Well done.

And why is that?

They are the states travelling south

on the Atlantic seaboard, North Carolina, South Carolina,

Georgia, Florida and their nicknames.

That's exactly right.

Do you know what a palmetto is?

I think I did, is it..?

No, actually, I'm going to make something up, if I'm not careful.

It's just a sort of little palm tree, that's all it is.

That's what I was actually going to say.

But I suddenly had this "I'm making it up" feeling.

Georgia is the Peach State, the Sunshine State is Florida.

What about Tar Heel? Where do you think that comes from?

I don't remember. I did know once. I'd looked it up.

-Any idea over there?

-We don't know.

Nobody knows, in fact. What do you get for that on QI, an elephant?

Yeah, we should have a little joker here saying, "Nobody knows."

Nobody knows. It's not confirmed.

There are various rumours, usually to do with wars.

Some people say the English soldier said you always got tar on your heel

if you walked to the rivers of North Carolina.

There's an alternative suggestion that's to do with the Civil War -

that deserters would have tar put on their heels as a punishment.

But it is not confirmed.

Well done, though, Sunshine, FL would be the next in the sequence.

-Elves, your turn.

-Let's go for the Water, please.

-Water.

What would be the fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

Shall we go next?

Vice President or Deputy Prime Minister.

Could be. Next.

Oh, Cherie Booth.

THEY WHISPER

-Samantha.

-It'll be 2010, Cameron, won't it?

What's her surname, though?

Oh, what's her last name?

-Like the handbags, the notebooks...

-What was that?

No, she's not, she's from...

THEY WHISPER

-Don't know. Is it 2010?

-It was when he became Prime Minister.

-We might as well go for it.

-Three seconds.

Erm, 2010: Bailey.

Not the answer, I'm afraid.

So I'm going to show the third in the sequence.

The Bibliophiles, you've got the chance of a bonus point.

We're going to say 2010, Sheffield.

That is the right answer.

-I think you knew the connection over there.

-Just couldn't work out...

What's the connection?

We think it's the surname...

The maiden names of the

other halves of the prime ministers.

That's right, it's prime minister's spouses.

And Norma Major was born Johnson,

Cherie Booth still uses that name, of course.

2007, Sarah Brown was Sarah Macaulay,

before she married Gordon Brown

and 2010, Samantha Cameron, Samantha Sheffield.

Bibliophiles, you get the bonus

and the chance to choose your own question.

-Twisted Flax, please.

-Twisted Flax.

What would come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

-Do you know this name?

-No.

-No.

Next.

No idea.

Next.

He was head of either the IBF or the...

-What's his name?

-Juan Samaranch?

Three seconds.

We're going to go for Juan Samaranch.

Not the answer, I'm afraid, so,

QI Elves, that's the three clues.

What comes fourth for a bonus point?

We're going to guess at Sepp Blatter.

The answer is Sepp Blatter.

What did you think

the connection was over there?

We went for the IOC, we knew it was a sporting leadership role,

we got the wrong category.

They are successive presidents

of FIFA and after Joao Havelange,

Sepp Blatter.

So, you get that bonus, Elves,

and it's your turn to choose a question.

-We will go for Lion, please.

-What will come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

Next.

OK, so the board games.

-I think we should go next.

-Yeah, sure.

-Next.

-Three seconds.

-Eh, we're going to go for 4 of 4: Connect Four.

Not the answer, I'm afraid. Bibliophiles, do you know?

We're going to say 4 of 4: Scrabble.

Not it. It's 4 of 4: Twister.

And I'll tell you why.

This is something that will just ring a bell or it won't.

They are the games that Bill and Ted play against Death

in the film Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey.

It's a sort of parody of the Bergman

where they play chess against Death

but in Bill and Ted, they play

Battleships, Clue,

NFL Super Bowl Electric Football and then Twister.

One remaining question for you, Bibliophiles, The Horned Viper.

These are going to be picture clues.

I'd like to hear what you'd expect to see in the fourth picture.

Here's the first.

Next.

Next.

-That's the Only Connect logo.

-Yeah?

The Only Connect logo.

You would see the full title card

of Only Connect.

That is the sequence, it's our title card in order of decreasing

pixellation and finally, you would see it in full.

I'm sorry it took you three clues.

I thought you might get it after one

but never mind.

At the end of Round Two,

the QI Elves have five points,

the Bibliophiles have nine.

Tick tock, Connecting Wall o'clock.

16 clues this time, all jumbled up,

and the teams have to sort them into four connected groups of four.

Bibliophiles, you'll be going first this time

-so please choose Lion or Water.

-Lion, please.

You have two and a half minutes to solve this wall starting now.

So, there's planes. Piper, Cessna...

BUZZ

What else is a plane?

-There's partridge in a pear tree, gold rings, swans and pipers.

-Lords.

BUZZ Lord, OK.

BUZZ

BUZZ

Right, OK. So, what planes do we have left?

-Cessna or...?

-Piper.

-Wenger.

Rioch, the managers of Arsenal. Graham, what's his name?

-George Graham.

-And does Piper sound like a last name?

-Could be.

It could be Mee or one of those two. Yeah, OK.

BUZZ

Three strikes, you've got plenty of time.

So, we've got Cessna, Boeing and Piper.

Well, the Hawker, someone who sells things,

so Hawker, Monger, Tout and probably an Embraer.

And then these are planes.

-Hawker's a plane, though, isn't it?

-Yeah.

So, it's people that sell things.

-So, we're going to say planes...?

-Yeah.

-So, shall we try Embraer?

-Yeah.

BUZZ

Two goes left.

-Billie Piper.

-No, I think we've got the categories.

-Yeah.

-So, plane, Cessna's got to be a plane.

-Boeing has to be a plane.

-Is a Chapman...?

-I say try Hawker.

I think we're going to have to try Hawker, Chapman or Embraer or those

four and assume these three are the same sets, we don't have much time.

OK?

-BUZZ

-One more try.

So, we're saying we're going to try these four and hope for the best?

We've already tried that, haven't we?

-The Piper's a plane, the Chapman's...

-We tried Chapman. So, try...

That's it, you've solved the wall with ten seconds to go.

Very well done so that's four points for the groups.

What about the connections? The first blue group starting Gold Ring.

They are categories from the Twelve Days Of Christmas.

They feature in the Twelve Days Of Christmas.

And the next group - Rioch or Roach or Roich or egh!

What's that?

-Eh, Arsenal managers.

-They are.

I thought after the Sepp Blatter question,

-you perhaps weren't football fans?

-We're not but we got that.

They have all been manager of Arsenal.

And the pink group - Boeing, Embraer, Cessna, Piper.

-Plane manufacturers.

-They are aircraft manufacturers.

Finally, Hawker, Chapman, Tout and Monger?

-Names of people who sell things.

-Words for salesperson.

Yes, Chapman, a little bit obscure, it's from the Olde English.

I won't try to pronounce it but si-apman. I did try to pronounce it.

But an Olde English word for a seller.

So, that is four points for the groups you found,

four points for the connections.

I'll give you a bonus of two for getting it all right, that is

the maximum of ten, well done.

Time to bring in the QI Elves, give them a new Connecting Wall.

16 different clues that they need to solve in the exact same way.

It will be the Water wall for you, Elves,

because the Lion's been taken.

You have two and a half minutes to solve it starting now.

-We have some cups here. Ryder Cup...

-Richard Milhous Nixon.

I think there might be Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

Can I do some of these cups?

So, it's Solheim Cup, Ryder Cup, Walker Cup, Presidents Cup.

-So...

-Is it The Simpsons or is it a red herring?

Oh, Barack Hussein Obama, Richard Milhous Nixon,

Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

So, what would the other one be? Should we try a few?

-Em, maybe.

-BUZZ

-But once we've done this... Oh, OK.

-Three strikes and you're out now.

So, this is middle names, this is cups.

-Are there any other Simpsons guys apart from Nelson and Bart?

-Martin.

-I think Sherri's one of the twins, you know, with the purple hair?

-Oh.

-Is there a Herman as well?

-Don't think there's a Herman.

Oh, no, I'm thinking of McBain.

-..somebody's name in Citizen Kane.

-No.

-Yes, I'm not sure, I think so.

-Do we know what these might be?

-Isn't something in curling?

Yeah, but the others...

-Do you want to try...?

-No, let's leave it for a minute.

-Gay is a runner, he's a 100m runner.

-John Gay, poet.

Gay Search, the gardening presenter.

-Are there any words? Is there a word thing?

-You've got a minute left.

-Shall we try The Simpsons?

-Do you want to try these four?

-Yeah.

That's it, you've solved the wall with a minute to spare, well done.

So, that's four points for the groups. What about the connections?

The first blue group - Walker, Presidents, Ryder, Solheim.

OK, we think these are cups that you can win in sports.

-I need you to be a little more specific.

-Eh, are they golf cups?

They are cups you can win in golf, that's right. The Solheim...

-That's the ladies...

-It's a women's Ryder Cup, exactly.

The green group starting Hussein, what's that?

We think that this is the middle names of American presidents.

They are the middle names of presidents. Which presidents?

Eh, that's Barack Obama. Eh, Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

Richard Milhous Nixon and I would guess Lyndon B Johnson

but I don't know.

That's right, Lyndon Baines Johnson was his full name.

The pink group starting with Nelson, what's that?

OK, we are going to go for they are characters from The Simpsons.

That's right, they're children from The Simpsons.

You're quite right, Sherri is one of the twins, Sherri and Terri.

And the final turquoise group - Kern, Rodgers, Gay, Herman.

-Shall we have a guess?

-Yeah. I can't think of what Kern is.

-I know.

-I need an answer.

-OK, I'm going to go for 100m sprinters.

They are absolutely not. Although, I'd like to see them try.

They are musical theatre composers.

Jerome Kern, Richard Rodgers of Rodgers and Hart

or Rodgers and Hammerstein, Noel Gay and Jerry Herman.

Four points for the groups, three for the connections.

That is a total of seven.

Let's have a look at the scores going into Round Four.

Now, for the missing vowels round.

We've taken the vowels out of well-known names, phrases and sayings.

We've squidged up the consonants

and I want to know what are those disguised clues.

Fingers on buzzers.

The first group are all...

-BELL

-Bibliophiles.

-Zorba The Greek.

-Correct.

-BELL

-Elves.

-Mamma Mia.

-Correct.

-BELL

-Bibliophiles.

-The Guns Of Navarone.

-Correct.

-BELL

-Elves.

-Captain Corelli's Mandolin.

-Correct.

Next category...

-BELL

-Bibliophiles.

-Nooks and crannies.

-I'm afraid not.

-Elves, do you know?

-Nooks crannies.

That's right, there's no "and." Next clue.

-BELL

-Bibliophiles.

-Bits bobs.

-Correct.

-BELL

-Elves.

-Odds ends.

-Correct.

-BELL

-Elves.

-Dribs drabs.

-Correct.

Next category...

-BELL

-Bibliophiles.

-Espagnole.

-Correct.

This is a tricky one. Soubise. Next clue.

-BELL

-Elves.

-Em, aloii?

-I'm afraid not. Bibliophiles, do you know?

-Is it aioli?

-It is aioli. Next clue.

-BELL

-Elves.

Allimand?

I can't take that answer, I think you knew it was allemande,

but the bell has gone for the end of the quiz.

And looking at the final scores after a hotly-contested Round Four,

finishing in second place with 16 points, it's the QI Elves,

but the winners with 23 points, it's the Bibliophiles.

Very well done to you, a very good Wall you had there.

You are through to the next round from where you can win

a place in the quarterfinals.

Elves, you're through to a different sort of next round from where you

can win a place in the next round to win a place in the quarterfinals.

Join me next time for another episode where two more teams

will struggle with new devious clues while the rest of us

struggle with the structure of the whole competition.

Goodbye.