Cluesmiths v Railwaymen Only Connect

Hello, and welcome to Only Connect, the show so full of

devious, cunning, twists and tricks that at the end of it,

Anne Boleyn will have her head cut off. So all that to come.

But first, let's meet the teams.

On my right, Mick Hodgkin, a journalist and former Tefl teacher

who's been ranked 17th fastest in The Times Crossword Solvers Championship.

John Tozer, a data scientist who has travelled by Concorde, towed

a Concorde, and sat in the cockpit of a Concorde while it was being towed.

And their captain, Richard Heald, an IT consultant who has cleaned

the bathroom of a former Archbishop of Canterbury.

United in their search for solutions, they are the Cluesmiths.

Richard, you won your first game against the Operational Researchers,

but you lost to the Yorkers, then beat the Mixologists.

What's been the highlight of the Only Connect journey so far?

The highlight was probably beating a team who looked as

though their combined age was less than John's here.

This evening you will be playing, on my left, David Smith,

a former chartered accountant who's played a lot of board games

in medieval Welsh castles.

Sree Kanthamneni, a management consultant who speaks four languages

fluently, can get by in a further three, and can read another two.

And their captain, Bob Thompson,

a tram enthusiast who keeps two retired racing greyhounds

and was once patted on the head by ventriloquist Terry Hall.

United by a love of the lines, they are the Railwaymen.

Bob, you came straight to this quarterfinal, you beat

the Collectors in your first heat and then beat the Spaghetti Westerners.

Are you confident of another victory now?

No.

Don't think so.

Just here to enjoy yourselves and hopefully not embarrass ourselves.

This is a quarterfinal.

That means tonight's winners are going into the semifinal,

the losers are going home,

and there's some gamesmanship right from the off

because, Cluesmiths, you won the toss,

but you've decided to put the Railwaymen in first,

so Railwaymen, please choose a hieroglyph.

Two Reeds, please.

The first question of the quarterfinal will be the Two Reeds.

They're going to be picture clues.

Something connects them. What is it?

Here's the first.

-Sequoia, a giant redwood.

-THEY WHISPER

Yes. Next.

King Kong?

No, that's King... What's his name? He's in The Jungle Book.

-Is that Baloo?

-No, that's the bear.

King Louie. King Louie.

Er, next.

Is that an iris?

-The cornea?

-Cornea. Next.

A queue.

THEY WHISPER

Three seconds.

BELL

E.

Not the answer, I'm afraid, so

Cluesmiths, do you want to have a go

for a bonus point?

I'm sure it's screamingly obvious, but it escapes us.

Now, I'm interested because E

is not a million miles away

and also you spotted the sequoia

at clue one.

There is a famous thing

about a sequoia in a quiz,

which is that its name contains

all the vowels. In this case,

we're looking very specifically

for words with

four consecutive vowels,

so sequoia, King Louie, O, U, I, E,

not the iris but the aqueous humour

in front of the iris

and then a queue, U, E, U, E.

Words with four vowels in a row.

So, Cluesmiths, you don't get the bonus, but you do get a choice.

-What's it to be?

-Er, Water, please.

CHIME Water. OK. The music question.

We're getting the novelty ones out of the way early.

What is the connection between the clues you're going to hear?

Here's the first.

# I love her, can't leave her

# Forever I'll always need her

# She lie, but I believe her

# Lovesick, I got that fever... #

Next.

# But Caesar had squeezed her in Rome on his quilt for a day... #

That's BA Robertson, isn't it?

# Now Antony got really angry

# About Caesar's hanky-panky... #

Next, please.

# She got a body like an hourglass

# But I can give it to you all the time. #

BELL

Is it bang, or bang bang?

Is the right answer.

Goodness me, you didn't hear

the last giveaway clue, which

I was quite looking forward to,

Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)

by Cher. What did we hear?

The second one was BA Robertson.

-Yeah.

-I'm not sure about the first one or the third one, to be honest.

Oh, really? So you only recognised

Bang Bang by BA Robertson?

I knew the third one was Bang Bang

but I can't think of the artist.

It's Jessie J with Ariana Grande

and Nicki Minaj,

so Bang Bang by will.i.am,

by BA Robertson, by Jessie J

and by Cher.

Railwaymen, what would you like?

-Eye of Horus, please.

-The Eye of Horus.

What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

-Siemens is a company.

-Yes.

They built the infrastructure for something or another,

I can't remember. Next.

They're all corporate, it's the, um...

Owned by the employees.

-I think that's right, yeah.

-Yeah?

Do you want to go for another one?

-Go for it?

-Give a proper answer, one more.

Next.

They were all used for funding Nazis, the Nazi war machine.

BELL

I'll pass that over to Sree.

He's got an explanation.

They were all involved in...

in the Nazi war machine.

Well, yes, that's right.

They are roles that these corporations played in Nazi Germany.

You didn't need to see Hugo Boss,

who were involved with the uniforms.

Whether it's the war machine

is rather a moot point.

It's all a war machine in the end.

Siemens, it wasn't

the infrastructure of war exactly

but insofar as the whole of Nazi Germany was a war machine,

yes, that is how those companies

were involved, which we know

because they have subsequently

apologised or donated to compensation funds for slave labour.

Cluesmiths, over to you for a choice.

-Horned Viper, please.

-The Horned Viper.

What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

Um... Next.

THEY WHISPER

-Shall we have one more?

-Yeah, yeah.

-Next, please.

Oh. Ernest Hemingway, twice in one day...

Is it crashed? Crashed a helicopter?

Did Sandra Bullock? I don't know.

-Quite possibly.

-Shall we try one more? Next, please.

Three seconds.

BELL

Crash landed, people who crash landed.

All people who have survived

plane crashes.

I'm sure after two clues, viewers were shouting the many connections

between Sandra Bullock and Nigel Farage -

in this case they survived plane crashes.

Yes, Sandra Bullock did when flying home after finishing work on a film

where she played a character

that survived a plane crash.

That then happened.

Nigel Farage rather famously while campaigning, and a great hero,

Chesley Sullenberger landed his plane

without loss of life on the Hudson.

All survivors of plane crashes. Well done.

Railwaymen, last choice of the round. What's it to be?

-Sree?

-Lion, please.

-Lion.

OK, what is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

THEY WHISPER

Next.

High-speed rail systems?

No, no, no.

Next.

NDA. They're all something in reverse?

Next.

Yes.

Three seconds.

BELL

They are acronyms in reverse.

That's not it, so Cluesmiths,

you have a chance of a bonus point.

-They are French acronyms...

-Not all French.

Sorry, yeah, they are acronyms in different languages

which are anagrams of their English equivalent.

Now, I want to hear something exact

for a bonus point

and a place in the semifinal.

What exactly do you think connects these clues?

We'll go for French.

They are all French anagrams

of abbreviations in English

for the same organisations,

so for example, TVA -

taxe sur la valeur ajoutee -

is the French equivalent

of VAT, value added tax,

so SIDA is AIDS, OTAN is NATO,

ADN, DNA.

So it's the French expression,

which is an anagram

of the letters we use.

Well done, then, Cluesmiths. You get a bonus point

and you get the last question of the round, the Twisted Flax.

What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

Next, please.

Hmm... Not sure.

Next, please.

Did they all have to be moved?

Was the 2013... No, this last...

Are you talking about the World Cup in Qatar?

OK. Shall we go for it anyway?

-No.

-Go one more.

-Next, please.

Oh... Possibly...

One second.

BELL

Were they all not held in the stated year?

Not the answer, I'm afraid.

So, Railwaymen,

a bonus chance for you now.

It was the year when the cycle of the event changed.

That's what it is,

and a bonus point to you.

They very much DID happen

in those years because they were

years when the cycle changed.

The Winter Olympics used to be

the same year as the Summer Olympics.

They changed it. The Africa Cup of Nations, the football cup,

had been in even numbered years.

Why did it change?

It would always coincide with the Olympics or the World Cup?

It used to clash with the World Cup,

so they changed it so that wouldn't happen,

and the Athletics Championships

used to be every four years,

went to every two years from 1993.

So the years that sporting cycles changed. Well done for a bonus.

That means at the end of round one,

the Railwaymen have three points,

the Cluesmiths have four.

On to the sequences round. What comes fourth in a sequence?

And Railwaymen, you'll be going first again, so please choose a hieroglyph.

-Two Reeds, please.

-Two Reeds.

What will come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

1946...

Germany...

Shall we go next?

Next.

2000.

-2000, France.

-World Cup?

No, because 2008 was the World Cup.

2000...

Next.

-2004...

-It's the Olympics.

So it's... That's 2000.

What was 2008?

Beijing.

Three seconds.

BELL

-MMVII...

-I.

-..I...

Beijing. China.

No, country, China.

-I can't give you long.

-Cathay.

Not the answer, I'm afraid.

Cluesmiths, you have the chance of a bonus point.

Is it MMVII, Zuid-Afrika?

No, no, that's not it either.

It's the European football tournament

transposed into Roman and Latin,

so the first one,

1996 is the date, Euro '96,

Germany were the winners.

MM, 2000,

Gallia, or France, were the winners.

2004, Greece were the winners,

so MMVIII, 2008,

the winners were...

-Spain.

-Spain, or Hispania.

No points, though, I'm afraid.

Cluesmiths, what would you like next?

-Lion, please.

-Lion. What would come fourth in this sequence?

I can tell you that they're all picture clues,

so what would be in the fourth picture? Here's the first.

Next.

-Harry Potter.

-OK. Daniel Radcliffe.

Daniel Radcliffe, Harry Potter, Sean Connery.

Bond and Potter or Bond and Harry or Potter...

Next, please.

Golden heel.

Or golden boot. Sean Connery...

Golden balls. Golden... Golden snitch. Slang on Golden...

Golden gun, golden snitch, golden boots...

Three seconds.

Not it, I'm afraid,

you're out of time,

so another bonus opportunity

for the Railwaymen.

-If you don't know, you just don't know.

-No.

Yeah, is it that obvious?

The answer is

David Beckham's left foot.

Here's the reason.

It's from the speech of Hugh Grant

as the Prime Minister

in Love, Actually.

STUFFY VOICE: "What makes Britain great as a country?

"The Beatles, Sean Connery, Harry Potter, David Beckham..."

Do I sound anything like Hugh Grant?

I don't, do I?

"David Beckham's right foot - David Beckham's left foot, come to that."

Things that make up Britain,

according to Prime Minister Hugh Grant in Love, Actually.

So no bonus point for the Railwaymen, but a choice available to you.

-David.

-Twisted Flax, please.

The Twisted Flax.

What would come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

-Any ideas?

-No.

-Next.

Somebody's portfolios?

Yeah, um...

It could be a sequence of someone...

Next.

Oh, this must have been the CIA. The start of spying, like MI5.

-It must be the CIA, isn't it?

-It could be...

-Homeland Intelligence?

-Yeah...

Three seconds.

BELL

Internal intelligence or homeland intelligence.

That is an acceptable answer.

Wireless interception used to be

the responsibility of a department known as MI8.

Propaganda and press liaison in the

First World War, there was an MI7,

so then MI6, overseas intelligence

and step down a number, national security

or counterintelligence,

internal security, any of those things,

the responsibility of MI5. Well done.

Cluesmiths, what would you like?

Horned Viper, please.

The Horned Viper. What would come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first clue.

Next.

South Utah, South Colorado,

it's "NM" in the bottom right-hand corner.

-"NM." North...

-"NM."

BELL

Is it "NM" in the bottom right-hand corner?

I'm afraid it is not,

so I'm going to show the third

in the sequence to the Railwaymen

for a possible bonus point.

I want an exact answer.

"A...R" in the bottom left-hand corner.

Unfortunately not.

"AZ" in the bottom left-hand corner.

Now, I think you know what this is,

Cluesmiths. The problem is

the sequence.

It's the four states that meet at one point in the Midwest of America.

It's the famous four corner states.

Going clockwise, you'd arrive next

at New Mexico, and then Arizona,

but we're put the letters where

it would be if you were looking on a map. It's horrible, isn't it?

Probably reaching the point where you

don't want to go to the semifinals.

Imagine what that will be like. SHE SHUDDERS

Railwaymen, what would you like now?

-Sree.

-Water, please.

-Water.

What would come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

Oh. Um...

Next.

This is something to do with the plimsoll line.

It's something to do with the plimsoll line.

-It's letters on the plimsoll line.

-Oh, is it?

-Yeah. Next.

I know what the sequence is, but I don't know what comes next.

THEY WHISPER

BELL

-Yes?

-S...

T...

But what's in the brackets?

I'm going to put you out of your misery right there. Not the answer.

Cluesmiths? You want to have a go for a bonus?

Is it F (freshwater)?

It is exactly that. And why?

John?

I'm not sure of the sequence, but they're to do with keeping fish.

Oh, interesting. It's not to do

with keeping fish, actually.

I'm glad we got there anyway.

The sequence is the plimsoll line,

markings on a ship,

so a ship sits lower in freshwater,

so the plimsoll line is higher,

so the markings going upwards

would be W, S, T, F, according to

how high the water goes up the ship.

So F for freshwater is correct, but for a different reason.

You get the bonus point anyway,

and you get the last question of the round, Eye of Horus.

What would come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

Next, please.

So that's...

Eight, nine hours later, or...

-15 hours earlier.

-Next, please.

-So it's going back.

-Um...

THEY WHISPER

Is it something about a clock? Is it the hands of a clock?

Three seconds.

No, I'm afraid you're out of time. That's it.

So another bonus chance, Railwaymen.

It's...

1...50am.

No, that's not a sequence.

That is just not a sequence.

12:01am is what I wanted to hear

and it's a simple maths one.

4:40pm is 1,000 minutes after midnight.

1:40am is 100 minutes after midnight.

Then we've got ten minutes after midnight

and I wanted to hear one minute

after midnight, 12:01am.

At the end of round two,

the Cluesmiths have five points,

the Railwaymen have five points.

Time now for the Connecting Wall.

You'll be going first this time, Cluesmiths.

The easy question is the first one. Would you like Lion or Water?

-Lion, please.

-The Lion wall.

You have two and a half minutes to try and solve this, starting now.

THEY WHISPER

Coppola, yes, and who's the fourth?

Maybe they're domes, they're domes...

..Ventura Boulevard...

Wilshire Boulevard... Wilshire, Sunset, Ventura.

Wow. Three strikes and you're out.

Onion dome.

-Little Hen...

-Are any a kind of bread? Onion bread...

-Allinson's is a make of bread.

-It is a bread, yes.

OK, can we try...

-Onion...

-Onion's a dome as well.

THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER

-What's that?

-Umbrella?

-Onion.

Geodesic?

These are domes, but what are the rest of them?

-Bread?

-They're breads, yeah.

So, which one are you going for?

-Onion?

-Geodesic.

-Umbrella...and one of these two?

That's it, you've solved the wall, amazing. That's a very tough wall.

You done very well to find those groups.

What about the connections, starting with the dark blue group?

-They are female film directors.

-They are all women who direct films.

The green group starting sunset?

They're all boulevards in Los Angeles.

That's exactly what they are.

The pink or purple group starting Umbrella?

These are all domes.

They're all domes. What's Gonbad?

THEY LAUGH

That's the one that didn't quite structure properly.

It's a Persian one. That's actually the Persian word for "dome", in fact.

And the light blue group starting Allinson?

Bread?

I'm afraid they are not types of bread. You are close.

They are bakers.

The Little Red Hen is a sort of folk tale about literally

a little red hen, a fable about hard work. Farriner, you don't know?

It's Thomas Farriner who's said to have started

the Great Fire Of London, a baker in Pudding Lane

so, not the bread itself in the case of two of the clues, but the baker.

Nevertheless, amazing work to find those four groups

and three connections, that's a total of seven.

We're going to bring in the Railwaymen now and give them

a horrible quarterfinal Connecting Wall and see if they can solve it.

It'll be the Water wall for you.

The Lion's been taken, you'll have 2.5 minutes to try to solve it

starting now.

-Churchill...Canal...

-Canal Street's an area of Manchester.

-I don't know Darlinghurst.

-Darlinghurst...that could be...

-Is it some sort of dog?

-Yeah.

Digby's a dog, Churchill's a dog...

Orlov is a character that sells insurance.

-Churchill is a character that sells insurance.

-Digby isn't.

Digby isn't...is there anything that...? No.

Bender is a character in Futurama.

Is Digby in Futurama as well?

-They're all Groening characters.

-Ah!

Burns night, Bonfire Night.

Twelfth night. Hen night.

BUZZ

We've...erm...

Bonfire Night. Any other nights?

BUZZ

Chelsea night?

We'll try Gala night, just to cycle these around.

-A Gala night, yes. Bonfire Night.

-Cycle them round.

-And there's Hen night.

-BUZZ

Not Clarke. BUZZ

THEY WHISPER

BUZZ

BUZZ

So, that's the nights done.

Got to go for these...dogs.

Surely...I don't know.

BUZZ

Churchill. Orlov. Bender.

BUZZ

Canal Street, Digby.

BUZZ

BUZZ

Chelsea... If somebody else wants a go, feel free.

BUZZ

-Ten seconds now.

-Futurama characters...ah...

-Digby.

-Tony? No.

I'm afraid you're out of time.

But you found a group on that horrible wall so well done.

Can you tell me the connection? Gala, Twelfth, Bonfire, Hen?

They can precede the word "night".

You can put "night" after all of them and you can still get points for the

connections in the groups you didn't find so let's resolve the wall.

The green group now Orlov, Churchill, Digby, Tony.

Oh, yes, these are all cartoon animals.

Used as advertising slogans or advertising vehicles. Shall we say?

They're animals involved in advertising. You went

too specific with the insurance.

Orlov and Churchill but Tony The Tiger from the Frosties adverts.

Digby the ICI dog?

The Dulux...the old English sheepdog in the Dulux commercials,

that's right. Animals in advertising.

And the pink or purple group?

Burns, Marx, Clarke, Bender.

-Futurama?

-Possibly.

-Yeah, characters in Futurama?

-No, it's not.

No, you're right about Bender. He is in the Matt Groening series Futurama.

He's a robot that smokes a cigar,

as does Ken Clarke, Groucho Marx, George Burns - cigar smokers.

And the last light blue group,

Canal Street, Castro, Chelsea, Darlinghurst.

-Manchester.

-That's not it.

Canal Street is a sort of gay village in Manchester.

They're in fact all gay villages.

Chelsea in New York,

Darlinghurst in Sydney Australia,

Castro in San Francisco, they're

the vibrant gay districts, I'm afraid

but you did find one group.

And two connections as well so that's three points

and they weren't easy walls.

Let's have a look at the scores going into the final round.

The Railwaymen have 8 points, the Cluesmiths have 12.

Into the missing vowels round now. Fingers on buzzers, teams.

This will decide the place in the semifinal.

I can tell you that the first group are all

things that can follow the word "spare".

-Cluesmiths?

-Time.

Correct.

-Railwaymen?

-Room.

Correct.

-Cluesmiths?

-Rib.

Correct.

This one is spare one's breath

to cool one's porridge.

Next category, nicknames of French kings.

-Railwaymen?

-Louis The Sun King.

Correct.

-Railwaymen?

-Charles The Bold.

Not it, I'm afraid, you must lose

a point. Cluesmiths, do you know?

Charles The Bald.

The nickname was Charles The Bald.

Next clue.

Railwaymen?

Philip the... Sorry..

I'm afraid not. Cluesmiths, you know?

No? It's Philip the Amorous.

Next clue.

-Railwaymen?

-Robert The Pious?

Correct.

Next category, they might use a needle.

-Cluesmiths? ALL:

-Knitters.

Correct.

-Cluesmiths?

-Anaesthetists.

Yes.

END OF ROUND JINGLE

No time to tell me

that was tattooists

because the bell has gone

probably to everyone's relief.

That was as horrible as the rest of

the rounds. It's the end of the quiz.

And finishing with 17 points, through to the semifinals

it's the Cluesmiths.

With nine points, sadly going home, a lovely team, the Railwaymen.

Sorry, it was lovely to have you, you had a great run up till now,

but just couldn't get through this last thorny game. Did you get any?

No, me neither.

Join me next time for another episode of the quiz that makes you

feel stupider than pushing at a pull door, spilling a drink

by looking at your watch and consulting a homoeopath combined.

Goodbye.