Wrestlers v Clareites Only Connect

Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?

I would say yes, it should.

There's a reason why you lost touch,

you simply didn't like each other enough.

So you slough them off, that's OK.

Let it go. Why ruin a perfectly nice

festive evening thinking about

those losers you spent years trying to drop?

I think that's basically what the poet was trying to say.

On which welcoming note, let's meet...

On my right, Steve Hoar,

a legal administrator who is a proud

member of the League of Battlefield Guides

and a founding member of the North Manchester Battlefield Society.

Tom Mead, a mortgage consultant who narrowly avoided being run over by a

golf buggy driven by Little and Large,

and their captain, Colin Daffern,

a sociology and women's studies graduate

who played the part of a cooked roast turkey

in his school's Christmas play.

United by their taste for a tangle, they are the Wrestlers.

So you share a love of wrestling.

What are your other specialisms as a team?

We're very good at music,

history, geography.

Television's a strong point as well, classic and modern.

Almost all of those things are likely to come up tonight,

so let's hope your predictions prove true.

You are facing across the wrestling ring this evening, on my left,

Elysia Warner, a linguistic student who speaks French, German, Mandarin,

Irish, Latin, classical Greek, Polish, Welsh, Manx,

Spanish and some British sign language.

Olivier Grouille, a futurology specialist who is half French,

one-eighth Scottish and enjoys

foraging for mushrooms with his father.

And their captain, Sarah Binney,

a physics graduate who enjoys knitting

and has climbed Mount Fuji in her pyjamas.

All students at Clare College, Cambridge, they are the Clareites.

How is your team feeling ahead of the match?

Well, despite the Clare and present danger,

we are Clare of mind and we're keen to get quizzing.

If I could give you 100 points for that introduction, I would.

Unfortunately, I can't, but I can give you points

if you're successful in the quiz.

We're going to start by playing Round One, what's the connection

between four apparently random clues?

Wrestlers, you won the toss.

You'll be going first.

Please choose an

Egyptian hieroglyph.

Well, Steve here reliably informs me

that his nickname at school was

Horus, so we're going to go for Eye Of Horus.

The Eye Of Steve Horus.

What is the connection between these

clues? First one coming in now.

The Golden Man. Any thoughts?

Is that a film of some sort?

Next, please.

The Adjustment Bureau? Are they

slightly amended film titles?

Golden Compass?

Next, please.

Oh, it's a Philip K Dick film.

Adaptations of Philip K Dick novels.

Films based on Philip K Dick books.

They are stories by Philip K Dick

and the years they were made into

films. You didn't need

to see the last one.

What film was that? Blade Runner.

It was Blade Runner.

And what are these others?

Total Recall is

We Can Remember It For You

Wholesale. Yeah.

Is Adjustment Team

Adjustment Bureau?

That's right. And I haven't got a

clue about The Golden Man.

The Golden Man actually has featured

as a clue on this show.

It's a Nicolas Cage film called

Next, and we had a very complicated

question once where the answer was "Next",

and that was one of the clues.

But of course, I didn't know if

the teams wanted another clue or

had the answer. We should have

really foreseen that, but we didn't.

Nevertheless, that is the right

answer. Well done for two points.

Clareites, what would you like?

Let's start with the

Horned Viper, please.

The Viper will kick you off.

What is the connection between these

clues? Here's the first.

Oh, God! What does that mean?

So Powys is a place in Wales...

Could be a version of a TV show.

Oh, it's going to be like

Bob the Builder or something.

Oh, I like that.

Next, please.

Peter Snow. Oh, this is...

It's going to be the same TV show.

Next, please.

It's the same thing.

It's going to be the

David Attenborough shows, I don't

know. Next, please.

Oh, what's he played?

People on Mastermind?

People who have presented

Mastermind?

They are interrogators on

Mastermind.

You were close with Bob The Builder.

I mean, it's a children's show,

isn't it, Mastermind?

Nice, easy, gentle question and

answer show that we all enjoy, as a

sort of warm up.

All interrogators on Mastermind.

Very well done, you get the point.

Wrestlers, what would you like?

Twisted Flax, please.

The Twisted Flax. TONE SOUNDS

It's the music question. You've

promised you were good on music.

This is going to be the acid test.

The first clue is coming in now.

# Just smile for me

# And let the day begin... #

It's On The Wings Of Love.

Jeff Osborne.

Next, please.

# In the wilderness build me a nest... #

Not sure what that is.

Could be. Aled Jones, possibly.

Jeffrey Osborn was famously mistaken

for George Osborn. Next, please.

# Well, for me it's waking up...#

That's Flying Without Wings.

Wings. Is the right answer.

You didn't need to hear the last

one, Wind Beneath My Wings.

What did we hear?

Jeffrey Osborne,

with On The Wings Of Love.

You recognised that quickly.

Big fan of Jeffrey Osborne?

I'm a big soul fan. Is that

what it is? OK, what else?

Westlife, Flying Without Wings.

Yeah.

And the second one?

Was it O For The Wings Of A Dove?

It is, Mendelssohn,

O For The Wings Of A Dove,

O Konnt Ich Fliegen,

all containing the word "wings" in

the title. Well done.

Clareites, what would you like?

Let's go for the Lion. The Lion.

What is the connection between these

clues? Here's the first.

Paganini, violinist. There was

variations on a theme of Paganini.

OK. Next, please.

Certain number of... Dice Bones...

Napier...um...

Next, please.

Slang? I mean...no.

Yeah, slang for...

Oh, they've made it from...

Made it from, yeah.

But made it from the violinist,

what? Made it out of Paganini?

Next, please.

Oh, the Devil's Dictionary.

So it's the devil's thing.

The devil's... that thing.

That is absolutely right.

The devil's violinist is

Niccolo Paganini.

The devil's bones are dice,

the devil's dandruff, cocaine.

Wrestlers, what would you like?

The Two Reeds, please.

The Two Reeds.

These are going to be picture clues.

What connects them?

Here's the first.

Ant and Dec. Could be anything.

Byker Grove.

Next, please.

The Beatles.

They've all appeared in the Rover ad.

That's too vague.

Could be OBEs. Next, please.

Olympic rings.

Do you think they've had to change

their names?

The Olympic Breakfast famously

changed its name.

The Beatles... I think we should go

next down. Next, please.

Ambulance was backwards.

It has to be in the same direction.

Ant and Dec have to

be the same way round.

Things that have to be the same way

round, have a particular line-up.

What do you mean?

Ant and Dec have to face the same

direction, have to be

in the same place on TV.

Do you think the Beatles always had

to stand in the same place?

We're hoping. I'm afraid I can't

accept it. I think

they were allowed to move around

freely, especially when

they got rich. No points there, but

a possible bonus for the Clareites.

In these photos, they're the

opposite way round from usual.

Ant and Dec usually stand the other

way round. On an ambulance, it's

backwards so you can see it in

mirrors. The rings of the Olympics,

the blue one goes on the left.

The images are flipped.

You see, that's not Ant and Dec,

that's Dec and Ant!

And it's not that they aren't

allowed to stand where they like,

it's just in these particular

pictures, it's been flipped.

And what's the clue in the Beatles

picture? Is it Paul McCartney being

left-handed? Paul McCartney plays

the guitar left-handed.

That's how you would spot it.

I wasn't looking properly. Well

noticed, they are mirror images.

These pictures have been flipped,

so you get a bonus point and you get

the last question of the round,

Water. What is the connection

between these clues?

Here's the first.

It's got a name.

I don't know what it is.

Next, please.

Mono. I think it would be mono.

Mono? Shall we go for it?

Go for it.

Mono? It's too quick,

I'm having my water.

The answer is mono.

Very well done, coming in after only

two clues.

You didn't need to see

North American glandular fever and

single-channel sound reproduction as

opposed to stereo.

I thought it was safe to drink water

at least till the glandular fever.

And the single-fingered

rock-climbing hold.

Very painful, apparently.

I can believe it would be.

Any of you go rock climbing? No.

Why would anyone go rock climbing?

I've done it once, many years ago.

How did that go? Badly. Badly.

At the end of Round One, the

Wrestlers have four points.

The Clareites have six.

Round Two is the sequences round.

I'll be asking the teams

what comes fourth.

Wrestlers, you'll be going first

again. Please, choose a hieroglyph.

I think we'll choose Eye Of Horus

again, please.

The Eye Of Horus again.

What will come fourth in this

particular sequence?

Here's the first.

Nasal passage.

Shall we go next? BELL RINGS

Oh, sorry! Apologies.

Now, I'm afraid, horrible though it

is, you've pressed the bell.

I need to ask you for an answer.

Do cavities. What can we go for...?

Cavities.

Heart? Ear, throat, nose.

Sophogal, throat? I need something.

Sophogal Cavity.

I'm afraid that's not it.

Very cruel. We've had this once

before this series. People buzzed

in. They had to give something.

I'm going to show the next two clues

to the Clareites.

I'm not going to give you long.

Do you have an answer? Temporal?

Not it, either.

It would be occipital.

These are the bones of the skull,

nasal, frontal, parietal, occipital,

going backwards. Had you seen more

clues, would you have got it?

No. Well, that's a comfort,

isn't it? It is, yes.

Clareites, you don't get the bonus point,

but you do get a question choice.

Shall we try... Let's try Water.

What would come fourth in this

sequence? Here's the first.

B for Birmingham.

Could be the letter B in postcodes.

Next, please.

I think it's postcodes.

It is postcodes,

but what's the pattern?

Going down the alphabet, maybe?

Next, please.

Is it just skipping two each time?

B.. C, D, E, F... ..E, F, G...

No, it's not.

Is it one that has a...

Yeah, which is the same in the...

So, H? Is H something?

I? That's got to be I, is it? J?

Three seconds.

Halifax, with the H highlighted red?

Not the answer, I'm afraid.

So, Wrestlers, what do you think?

We were going to say Liverpool.

Is the right answer.

What is the sequence? It's

single-letter postal districts.

You see the first letter is in red?

There are only eight postal

districts of the UK which have

a one-letter postcode. It's not

jumping a particular number of

letters, but there is no C or D or F,

so it would be Glasgow, and the

next one with a

single letter is Liverpool.

What comes next after that?

Do you know?

Manchester. And then? North London.

Two more. Sheffield. South London.

Sheffield.

Not South London, that's SE or SW.

And West London, so M, N, S, W.

Then there are no more single-letter

postcodes, for no reason.

Useful fact.

Useful fact. I don't know about

USEFUL fact, but a good fact.

So you get the bonus point, Wrestlers.

What would you like? Lion, please.

Lion. What would come fourth in this

sequence? Here's the first.

Is that the name of his book?

Possibly, I'm not sure.

Shall we go next? Yeah.

Next, please.

Slogan? So what was...

Things that were promised.

No new taxes. No new taxes. Yeah.

No new taxes. George Bush senior.

No new taxes.

Things that were promised.

I can't accept that, I'm afraid.

I'm having a quick think, and that

does not quite work as a sequence.

So I'm going to show the third to

the Clareites for a possible bonus

point. I'll nominate the politician.

George H Bush, Desert Storm.

Is the right answer.

Well done. And what is the sequence?

It's military missions led by those

presidents, in reverse order.

That's right. I don't think one can

quite say that Barack Obama promised

inherent resolve.

That's just a sort of stupid,

thriller-type title for a bombing

raid. Iraq bombings. I think it's

the custom in America.

When you become President, you must

launch your own bombing raid.

It's a bit like bringing in a

Downing Street cat.

You get your own bombing raid, you

get to pick the name,

and we're going backwards and the

first George Bush,

Desert Storm was his

macho bombing name.

It's a bit like those games, how do

you pick your porn name?

We should have that. If you were

president, how do you pick your

glamorised Iraqi bombing name?

I'm going to think about that later.

So you get the bonus point,

Clareites, and you may choose a question.

Let's go for the Twisted Flax then.

The Twisted Flax. What would come

fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Next, please.

This is the Craig David song, where

he's, like, where they were

making love or something?

Next, please.

It is!

I don't know where he finished

making love with

the girl in the song.

The bedroom? That would

make more sense.

I even had her in the shower,

it wasn't me.

If you had it on the

counter, it wasn't me.

If you had it on the sofa...

The shower.

We're going to have to say the bed.

It would make more sense.

Bathroom floor.

The bathroom floor?

Is not the answer, I'm afraid.

Wrestlers, would you like to have a

go for a bonus point?

We think it's on camera.

On camera is the right answer.

The bathroom floor happens elsewhere

in the song.

What is this?

It's Shaggy. It Wasn't Me.

It's not Craig David. Craig David's

one is about doing it every day.

Monday, we made love.

Tuesday, we made love.

Wednesday, Thursday...

It makes it sound like taking the

bins out.

Relentless, day after day for

Craig David. For Shaggy,

it was more about the areas.

He's not singing, of course.

Rikrok. Rikrok is the singer.

Shaggy just shouts "It wasn't me" in

these various places.

On camera would be the next one in

that chorus, well-remembered.

Wrestlers, you get a bonus point and

you get a choice. Horned Viper.

The Horned Viper. What would

come fourth in

this picture sequence?

Here's the first.

Cumberland.

Next, please.

French mustard? French mustard.

Cumberland sausage.

Ingredients of something.

Next, please.

Jelly. Green jelly, yellow mustard.

Or Jell-O. Jell-O, mustard, French

mustard. French jelly.

Green eggs and ham?

Not the answer, I'm afraid.

Clareites, you have the chance of a bonus point.

Let's try custard.

Is the right answer!

As many people at home will be

shouting. Do you know why? We think

it's a rhyme of some kind,

because mustard rhymes with custard.

That's the thing. Some viewers will

have been nervous to see the image

of a hot sausage so soon after the

Shaggy song.

Hot sausage, very much

a problem for him.

But actually, no, it's the lovely

Food, Glorious Food from the

musical Oliver,

"Hot sausage and mustard, while

"we're in the mood, cold jelly and

"custard. Pease pudding and

"saveloys, what next is the

"question? Rich gentlemen have it,

boys..." Indigestion.

Indigestion is absolutely right,

Food, Glorious Food.

So custard is the answer, well done.

One question remaining.

It's the Two Reeds.

First clue coming up now.

Next, please.

Are these stages of, like,

a cake or something?

Can we go next? Go next.

Next, please.

Semi-sec. Sec. Is it, like,

types of champagne?

Just working across. Anyway. OK.

Sec.

Sec is the right answer.

And what's the sequence?

It's something to do with flavour

of wine or champagne?

It's sweetness of champagne,

getting from sweet to dry,

going along the sequence,

Demi-sec and then Sec would mean dry.

Clue two, Moelleux.

Can you pronounce that,

Monsieur Grouille?

Moelleux. Moelleux. That is correct.

Sec would be the dry form of wine.

That's fourth in the sequence.

At the end of Round Two, the

Wrestlers have six points,

the Clareites have ten.

The Connecting Wall now, the 16 jumbled-up clues that the teams have

to sort into four connected groups of four.

You get to go first this time, Clareites, so, please, choose,

Lion or Water?

We'll go for water, please, Victoria.

OK, the Water will feature 16 clues.

There is one perfect solution.

You have two and a half minutes to find it...starting now.

The Big Short was a film that was animated...

The Maltese Falcon.

Lorraine is a Daytime TV show.

Japanese Chin is just like a... dog even.

Daytime TV Shows. Loose Women, Tipping Point, Lorraine.

What else is a daytime TV show?

Judge Rinder, maybe.

Crosses.

Maltese Cross, Greek cross.

Calvary cross?

You sure about this daytime TV thing?

Loose Women, though.

Crosses, cross, cross, cross.

No. Are there any crosses?

Pomeranian. It is a dog.

Maltese is a dog dog. It's a dog dog. OK.

Calvary dog. There we go.

Crosses.

Maybe Big Short could be a TV show.

Yeah, I like that.

What were the other three?

I think that's Big Short, Lorraine...

We'll come back to that.

Books? Tipping Point, that's a book.

The God Particle is a book as well, I think.

I'm not sure about the three.

The Big Short is a book.

What is Judge Rinder? I have no idea, could be a TV show.

St Peter's Basilica.

Shall we think of the fourth book?

Quiche Lorraine.

Information point.

Three strikes and you're out now.

That is a book? No. That's a TV show.

Drunkard's Walk. Loose Women.

OK. Tipping Point. Oh, yeah, we can't do it.

Have we tried that already?

The God Particle... Oh, that's so familiar.

I think it's something to do with physics.

We've got a very limited time. Oh, it is.

Maybe Judge Rinder, TV shows...hang on...

We're running out of time.

Ten seconds.

Sorry, I'm going to say these are theories.

That's it, your three strikes, and

the wall has frozen.

But you found two groups. What about the connections?

Japanese Chin, Griffon Bruxellois, Maltese, Pomeranian.

Those are types of dog.

They are. Could you be more specific? They're quite small dogs.

Japanese Chin is like a cat-dog.

It's a dog that looks like a cat.

It's got big eyes.

I think the Kennel Club would say toy dogs,

rather than a dog that looks like a cat.

But they are all dogs and they are all small dogs. That's right.

What about the green group, starting Greek?

We think these are all crosses.

They are the crosses. Greek crosses.

Greek Cross, St Peter's Cross, Lorraine Cross and Calvary Cross.

And you can still get points for the

connections in the groups you didn't

find, so let's resolve the wall. There you go.

Big Short, Information, Drunkard's Walk, God Particle.

We think these are theories in physics.

I'm afraid they're not theories in physics and I think you knew it.

They're just books. Novels. Not novels, either.

Works of non-fiction. You need a The.

The Big Short, that's the one about the housing bubble.

The Information, The Drunkard's Walk,

The God Particle,

these are works of non-fiction.

And the last turquoise group, starting Judge Rinder, Masterpiece,

Tipping Point and Loose Women?

I think it's daytime TV shows.

They are, yes. I don't know whether

this Judge one, would you say that

rhymes with Tinder or Grinder?

I'm going to go with Rin-der, but I don't know.

I simply don't know. I've never watched the show.

They are daytime TV shows.

Or used it.

You quickly clarify. You did find two groups and three connections.

That is a total of five.

Let's bring in the Wrestlers now,

give them a new connecting wall to

wrestle with and see what they can do

about solving it. It will be the Lion wall for you,

two and a half minutes, of course, starting now.

OK, pedal bike.

Cromwell... Hammer of the Scots? Cromwell is...

People called Jeremy?

Jeremy Irons,

Jeremy Hardy. Jeremy Hardy.

North. Jeremy Davis?

Belly...

Yeah, North West, Key West.

North West. Key West.

Beer belly, beer goggles... Yeah.

..beer garden, beer mat.

No. Beer pong. Beer pong. Hang on, try these.

Right then. What could belly be?

Hammer...

Was Cromwell called The Hammer of the Irish or something like that?

Stone, North, the colonels. These colonels, Stone, North...

Oliver North and Oliver Cromwell. Oliver Hardy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oliver Kahn. Footballer.

Leave out Cromwell.

Leave out North.

There's not a way to do this. I'll go again.

You two think while I do this.

You've got a minute left.

Right, OK.

And three strikes, of course.

Pedal bin? Beer belly.

Belly flop?

Pork belly pork.

Hammer. Hardy. Irons. It's Jeremy Hardy and Jeremy Irons.

Jeremy Davis? If we try...

Do we have two Jeremys?

Pedal cycle. Key cycle.

Pedal. It's worth thinking about the words themselves.

Is it skeleton key? Skeleton hammer.

Iron hammer. Iron key.

Iron pedal. What's Agraffe?

Angela Davis.

Thomas Hardy.

No, that's it, that's your three gos.

The wall has frozen, but you found two groups.

What about the connections?

Tell me about the blue group, starting mat.

Beer. Beer mat, beer goggles, beer garden, beer pong, that is correct.

And the green group, starting Kahn?

Famous Olivers. That's right.

Oliver Cromwell, Oliver Kahn, Oliver North, Oliver Stone.

You can still get points for the connections in the groups you didn't

find, so let's resolve the wall.

That's how it should have looked.

Pedal, key, belly, Agraffe.

Cycles? That's not it.

Now, you were going to be hot on music.

They are parts of a piano. Ah!

The belly is just the sound board of a piano.

All piano parts.

And the turquoise group, Hardy, Irons, Hammer, Davis?

Jeremys? They're not Jeremys.

What they are, and this is quite a tough one,

actors who have played twins.

Ah. Jeremy Irons played the twin brothers in Dead Ringers.

Oliver Hardy's Our Relations.

Well, Tom Hardy played the Kray twins.

And Armie Hammer played those twin brothers in The Social Network,

Remember the Winklevi?

And Bette Davis played twin sisters.

All actors who played twins, a tricky one.

But you found two groups and you gave me the two connections,

so that is a total of four points.

Let's have a look at the overall scores.

The Wrestlers have ten points, the Clareites have 15.

So the outcome will be decided in the missing vowels round,

where points can be won and lost, so, teams, beware.

Fingers on buzzers.

I can tell you that the first group

are all adjectives involving parts of the face.

Clareites. Beady-eyed. Correct.

Clareites. Rosy-cheeked.

Yes, it is.

Clareites. Stiff... No, sorry.

Not it. Wrestlers? Do you know?

Stiff nosed? No, it's toffee-nosed.

You'd need an S.

Next clue.

Clareites. Mealy-mouthed.

Correct. Next category.

Wrestlers? How do you do?

Very well, thank you.

Clareites? Pleased to meet you.

Correct.

Wrestlers. Well played.

Indeed.

Clareites. Congratulations.

Well done. Next category.

Wrestlers. Chuck Berry. Correct.

Wrestlers. TS Eliot.

Well done.

Clareites. Maya Angelou.

Correct.

Clareites. Jon Hamm.

Lovely. Next category, less lovely.

Clareites. Council. Correct.

Clareites. Capital gains.

Correct.

Wrestlers. Value added.

Yes, it is.

Clareites. Inheritance.

Correct. Next category.

But we won't have another category

because the bell has gone for the end

of the quiz. What a fantastic Round Four.

That was really competitive.

I really enjoyed that one.

I can tell you that at the conclusion of it,

finishing in second place with 15 points,

it's the Wrestlers.

And the winners, with 24, are the Clareites.

So, very well done.

You are through to the next round.

Wrestlers, if you finish among the

highest-scoring losers in this half of

the draw, you'll be coming through to another round as well,

so I hope we will see you again.

Before we go, there's something I'd like to say.

Ever since we moved here from the rarefied world of BBC Four,

every week during the show,

people write to me on Twitter to ask what I'm wearing.

Now, I don't want to be all knee jerk offended and political,

but I ask you, would you write to This Week

and ask what Michael Portillo was

wearing? I know I have.

In fact, I've written to offer to

collect anything that Michael Portillo

has worn...for charity.

And the day that he replies, so will I. Goodbye.