Part-Time Poets v Oscar Men Only Connect

Hello, and welcome to Only Connect, the quiz that raises more eyebrows

than a Scottish tenner in a London pub.

Rustling suspiciously across the counter tonight are,

on my right, Nina Grant, a copy-editor and proof-reader

whose specialist subjects include Disney films and strange diseases.

Katie McGettigan, a university research fellow,

who travels to America a lot, mostly visiting libraries.

And their captain, Jenny Harris, a PhD student with a degree in French,

who spent a year working in a shop that sold Scandinavian things.

United by a passion for poetry, they are the Part-Time Poets.

Now, Jenny, viewers with long memories

- which is about 12% of our viewers -

may find your face familiar. Why would that be?

Well, we came with my University Challenge team quite a few years

ago to film a special against The Crossworders, who obviously

trounced us, so I thought, "Come back and have a proper go."

Excellent. I'm very impressed. This is real commitment.

You've done a one-off special, and now you think,

"All right, come on, let's do the full series."

Good luck. Welcome back.

This time around, you are facing, on my left,

Howard Freedman, a taxi driver and Blackpool FC supporter,

who used to live in a flat that was used in the TV series Minder.

Adrian Knott, a civil servant with an English degree,

who can make balloon animal hats, though his swan is a bit rusty.

And their captain, Michael Slowey,

a data analyst with a degree in Business Studies,

who was abandoned by his mother during an armed robbery.

United by an affection for the Academy Awards,

they are the Oscar Men.

How does your team celebrate the Oscars?

Usually with hot dogs, lots of booze,

and betting against each other on the outcome.

How much do you bet? At the moment, it's 50p.

We might up it by 50p for next year. Just to keep it interesting.

Yeah, yeah.

We are going to play the quiz, starting with Round One.

What is the connection between four apparently random clues?

Oscar Men, if you bet on the toss, you'd be victorious,

because you won that. You'll be going first.

Please choose an Egyptian hieroglyph.

We'll go with Two Reeds, please.

Two Reeds, OK. First of four clues coming up.

Shout next when you want another one. The time starts now.

Feather, West Yorkshire. Featherstone, maybe. Featherstone.

OK, next, please.

OK, these are places in the north. Places that end with stone.

Featherstone, Silverstone. Silverstone, it is, yeah.

Shall we go for that? Yeah.

BUZZ We think we're going to buzz

on this one. Erm... Places that... No, stone.

They're connected by stone.

A confident opening buzz, and after

two clues, you get three points.

If you add "stone," you will get,

as I'm sure you know,

a village or town in that area.

They are missing "stone".

Very well done.

Part-Time Poets, what would you

like? The Lion, please.

The Lion question, OK. What is the

connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

Queen Beatrix, Netherlands. Next, please.

Er... She was assassinated there?

Yeah. And also the head of state there? OK, maybe have another one?

Yeah, next, please.

Monarchs? Benazir Bhutto's not a monarch. No. She's a politician.

Do you think...? It might be where they were...

Do you think we should see the last one?

Yeah, can we have the last one, please?

OK, maybe first female head of states, and where. Three seconds.

BUZZ Er, so, the first female

head of state and the capital city?

I'm afraid that's not it,

so there's a bonus opportunity

for the Oscar Men.

Er... Was Queen Beatrix assassinated?

I don't think they were. We're just going to go with,

they were all assassinated in this particular city.

They were not.

Now, what this is a selection of is

airports named after women.

Now, three of them heads of state.

Indira Gandhi was assassinated,

but Istanbul's airport is named

after Turkey's first female combat pilot. Oh, wow! Wow!

Yes, but women who have airports

named after them is what

we're looking at there.

So you don't get the bonus,

Oscar Men, but you do get the chance to choose a question.

Er, we'll go with Twisted Flax, please. The Twisted Flax.

It's a music question.

What is the connection between these musical clues? Here's the first.

# From beyond the moat, there arose such a clatter

# I jumped to the window to see what was the matter. #

Next, please. # Ashes to ashes, fun to funky,

# We know Major Tom's a junkie

# Strung out in heaven's high... # Next, please.

# Please don't tell, no, no, no

# Don't say that I told you so

# I just heard a rumour from a friend

Ash? Mash?

# I don't say that it's true

# I'll just leave that up to you. # Three seconds.

BUZZ That's Peggy Sue Got Married.

Ooh, OK. I'll go for that. I can't give you long.

We believe they all may contain the word "ash".

I'm afraid they do not all

contain the word "ash".

I'm going to blast the final clue to

the Part-Time Poets.

# Round and round and up and down we go again. #

The Twist. Dances, maybe? No, no, the second one isn't.

Ashes To Ashes. It's just Ashes.

I need an answer.

No, that's too long, too long.

What they all do is refer to

previous songs. The key...

That first one is NOT Monster Mash,

it's Monsters Holiday. Oh!

By the same artist,

but it refers back to Monster Mash.

Ashes To Ashes, of course,

"We know Major Tom's a junkie."

That refers to Space Oddity.

Peggy Sue Got Married,

that's Buddy Holly's great love,

Peggy Sue, but he's heard the

news she got married.

The final one, Let's Twist Again,

what does that refer to?

The Twist. The Twist.

Chubby Checker's The Twist.

And he's referring back to that.

It's sequels.

My grandfather used to sing that to

us when he dealt blackjack to us.

If you took a card,

he would sing "Let's twist again".

But properly to win money.

Genuinely, he was trying to win

our pocket money,

so he could buy cigarettes and sweets,

and he would sing the song happily

to himself as he pocketed it.

God bless him.

All songs that refer to previous

songs by the same artist.

So you don't get the bonus, Poets,

but you do get a choice.

The Eye of Horus, please. The Eye of Horus.

These are going to be picture clues.

What connects them? Here's the first.

Is that...? Who are they?

Period drama. Next, please.

Salami, or chorizo, cold cuts. Two sausages. Tapas. Was that Cold Case?

Cold Case, cold cuts. Let's have... Next, please.

Mince pies?

Sausages, mince pies. Types of meat?

But then they wouldn't have sausages... Oh, is it rhyming slang?

Plates of meat, mince pies.

Yeah, good, go for it. What are they rhyming slangs for?

I can't remember all of them. Mince pies are eyes...

BUZZ They're all Cockney rhyming slang.

They are.

Can you tell me something else?

Parts of the body? For parts of the body, that's right.

That first one is

a still from the BBC adaptation of

North And South, by Mrs Gaskill,

for the mouth.

Plates of meat is the next one.

This is a rarefied quiz.

I like to hear people muttering

"salami, chorizo."

It's just plates of meat. It's just ordinary meat, for the feet.

Mince pies, eyes, and what's that

last one you didn't need?

Boat race, face. Boat race for the face, that's right.

For coming in after three clues,

you get two points. Well done.

Back to you, Oscar Men.

Horned Viper, please. The Viper.

What is the connection between its

snaky clues? Here's the first.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

Next, please.

Oh, Makka Pakka. In The Night Garden. Isn't it? Makka Pakka?

In The Night Garden?

Yep, OK. Can we go for the next, please?

Alley Oop.

I think these may all be characters from In The Night Garden,

but I don't know.

I don't have kids, but... Do you want to go...?

Might as well take the last one.

Can we take the last one next, please?

OK, Old Mother Shipton. OK, I think we've got this one.

I think they lived in caves.

BUZZ They all lived in caves.

They are all troglodytes,

cave-dwellers.

That's absolutely right.

Who do you recognise?

Makka Pakka from In The Night Garden, and Old Mother Shipton

specifically was the one that gave it away for me.

Yeah, Old Mother Shipton, sort of

medieval soothsayer.

Alley Oop, that's an American comic

strip about a caveman,

and the Nabateans, they're just ancient people.

There are cave paintings

that they left behind.

I mean, they'd be interesting

characters on

In The Night Garden, but in fact an ancient,

ancient people who drew on the walls

of their cave homes. Well done.

Poets, what would you like? Well,

we've got Water left, haven't we?

I hope that's what you'd like,

cos that's what you're getting.

Water. What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

Next, please.

University Challenge. University Challenge captains.

BUZZ University Challenge appearances.

They are contestants on University Challenge.

You didn't need to see

John Sessions and Stephen Fry.

Contestants on University Challenge

over the years.

Here's a question that Stephen Fry

got right - who partnered

George Burns in the film version

of The Sunshine Boys?

Nope. Who was it? ALL: Walter Matthau.

Of course, Walter Matthau. You must

see that film, it's brilliant.

Do you know the story of David Aaronovitch on University Challenge?

They only gave communist leaders as

answers, didn't they?

It was that team. So what happened?

This is a great story,

do you know this? Yeah.

In those days, you could just go on

University Challenge.

There was no audition.

You just wrote in and said,

"Can we be on?" and they said "Yes."

So they wrote to the

University of Manchester,

and the letter was mis-delivered, it didn't go to the Union,

and fell into the hands of these

communist students, who said,

"Right, we'll do it."

And they went on,

and as a protest against elitism,

they answered communist leaders

for every question,

but not all through the show,

cos they ran out.

And they couldn't think of any more,

so they said Trotsky for

seven or eight answers,

and then Bamber Gascoigne said,

"You're just spoiling the quiz,

"and we won't broadcast it."

And then they sheepishly

answered a few questions.

Got a score of 40.

At the end of Round One,

the Oscar Men have four points,

the Part-Time Poets have five.

On to Round Two,

the sequences round.

What comes fourth in a sequence?

I'll be asking that initially to the

Oscar Men. You're going first again.

Please choose a hieroglyph.

Eye of Horus, please. The Eye of Horus.

What will come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

Poor rates. Erm...

I think it's some kind of tax. Next, please.

Country rates. County rates. Community Charge?

Yeah, Community Charge. Should we go for the next one?

Yeah. Can we go for the next, please?

Community Charge. OK.

So what's it called now?

Community Charge. What's it called? Business rates? No.

No, business rates is what? Well, it can't be business rates as well.

That's not a sequence, is it? Well, it could be.

It could be, going up. Three seconds.

We're going to go with business rates.

Unfortunately, as I heard you say,

not a sequence. Mm.

That might be a category,

but it's not a sequence.

So there's a bonus chance, Poets.

We think it might be the poll tax.

I can't take it, because the

poll tax is sort of slang for

actually clue three that we're

looking at. That's what I thought!

It was the council tax.

I mean, some people do still say the

poll tax, meaning the council tax,

but technically,

that would be clue three.

Council tax. It's successive local

taxes levied in England and Wales.

Business rates is

a different sort of thing,

but the local taxes after the community charge,

which is the one that was known, really, as the poll tax. Yeah.

Council tax was next.

So you don't get the bonus,

but you do get a choice.

What would you like? Can we have Water, please? Water.

It's a music sequence. How lovely.

You'll be hearing the clues, but only three of them.

I want to know what you'd expect to hear at clue four.

First piece of music coming in now.

# She left me with no hope, # It's all gone up in smoke... #

Next, please.

ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

# It's getting late, have you seen my mates?

# Ma, tell me when the boys get here

# It's seven o'clock, and I want to rock... #

Oh, my goodness. The chorus is coming. Next, please.

# Every day is silent and grey... #

It's Every Day Is Like Sunday," so maybe it's Monday, Monday?

Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday.

I Don't Like Mondays? Yeah.

BUZZ I Don't Like Mondays.

Would be an acceptable answer,

well done. What did we hear?

Every Day Is Like Sunday, by Morrissey. Mm-hm.

And then we just sort of decided a direction.

Oh, it was Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting, by Elton John.

That's what it was! That's right, Elton John.

And unfortunately not Friday by Rebecca Black.

No, it was She Left Me On Friday,

by Shed Seven. OK.

So we need to hear

a song featuring Monday.

Could have been Manic Monday or

Monday, Monday.

You went with I Don't Like Mondays

by The Boomtown Rats.

Unfortunately, we don't have

a recording of that, but I don't

see why the viewers shouldn't be

able to enjoy a snatch of it anyway.

Let's go from the "tell me why."

One, two, three.

# (Tell me why) I don't like Mondays

# (Tell me why) I don't like Mondays. #

That was lovely.

I think you could form

a fantastic six-part supergroup.

You might work a little bit on the

timing, but the harmonies

- beautiful. That's cheered up my

evening no end. Very well done.

I'd give you 12 points if I could,

and bonus ones for you.

I can't, but Oscar Men, I may offer

you a choice. Lion, please. Lion.

What would come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

Next, please.

Lesbos, so they're getting smaller, aren't they? I'm not sure.

Well, Crete's got to be the biggest, hasn't it? We'll go next, please?

Wait, can't we...?

It's going smaller. They are getting smaller. Kos? Could be Kos.

What about where... Where whats-his-name's from?

Corfu. Corfu. What do you want to go for? Either Corfu or Crete or Kos.

Well, it can't be Crete if it's going smaller, can it? OK.

BUZZ We're going for the Greek islands.

I think they're probably going from large to small,

so we're going to go with Kos.

I'm afraid that's not the answer,

so there's a bonus chance for you,

Part-Time Poets.

One that he said. Well, we'll try Crete.

Unfortunately for you,

they're getting larger,

and the answer is Crete.

Well done, you get the bonus point.

And your choice of a question.

The Two Reeds, please. Two Reeds.

What will come fourth in this little sequence? Here's the first.

Counter-intelligence. Oh, it's "MI"s. MI5. Go for the second one.

Next, please.

So is that MI6?

No, hang on, is it...? It's this...

What are we thinking?

Counter-intelligence, terrorism.

I think it's the name of something.

It's not like Cobra, but you know.

We should maybe get another one.

All right. Next, please.

Oh, OK. It's a different thing.

There is no MIRevenge.

Terrorism, Revenge. Tragedy?

It's going to be, like, an acronym or something. Three seconds.

Buzz, buzz, buzz. BUZZ

Erm... Organised crime?

Not an answer I can take,

I'm afraid, so there's a bonus

chance for you now, Oscar Men.

Well, it's film-related. It's a Bond thing, I think.

I think these are the initials for SPECTRE,

and the last one being E for Extortion.

Very well done.

It is organised crime in a way,

but very specifically,

it's got to start with an E,

because we're talking about the

SPecial Executive for

Counter-intelligence, Terrorism,

Revenge and Extortion,

known as SPECTRE.

It's our obligatory Bond question.

We have to have some of

those every series.

What do you think of SPECTRE,

the new Bond film?

I liked it, yeah. Really good.

I feel like it's much better. Yeah.

That terrible one about the oil,

or the water, whatever it was,

Quantum Of Solace, nonsense. Quantum Of Solace. Terrible. Ugh!

I need that day of my life back.

SPECTRE was really good fun again.

Yeah. Who runs SPECTRE?

Blofeld. Ernst Blofeld, of course.

Excellent fellow.

Well done, you get the bonus point,

and you way choose a question.

We're going to go for Twisted Flax, please. Twisted Flax.

What...? Ah, these are going to be picture clues.

What sort of thing would you expect to see in the last picture?

Here's the first.

Coins, yeah. Can't see what the country is.

I think it might be Greece.

Might be Turkish, actually. Next, please.

Right. It's a lion.

Is it called Leo?

That's the MGM logo.

Is it? Yeah.

Next one, please.

That's a lay. What? A lay. L A Y.

Leo. Lire! Lire, Leo, lay. So... Three seconds.

BUZZ Right, so we've got lire.

L I R, L E O... I need an answer.

We believe it might be lip. L I P.

Not the answer, I'm afraid,

so another bonus

opportunity for the poets.

So lei is L E I. Yeah. I need an answer.

L... E O. L E U. L E U.

No, it's too long. Saint-Leu?

Sorry? Saint-Leu.

Can't do that, I'm afraid,

because in fact,

that first picture is the well-known

Romanian currency, the leu.

Oh, that's the U.

Then we've got Leo, the MGM lion,

then lei, so it's L E... Leek.

..U, O, I, Lee. You know,

the author Harper Lee, for example.

It's just something L E E,

that's what we needed,

so you were fumbling around in the

area, but not quite on it.

I'm remembering my wedding night.

One question remaining for you,

Poets, the Horned Viper.

What will come fourth in this

sequence? Here's the first.

Beyonce... What is that? 47.

OK. Next, please.

Bruno Mars. 48.

Er, next.

Oh, Super Bowls, so it was Beyonce again, wasn't it? Was it?

Yes, cos she just did the last one. It was this year. OK.

Beyonce, XL... No, it would just be L. Yeah. Yeah.

BUZZ Beyonce = L.

Not the answer, I'm afraid,

so back to the Oscar Men

for another bonus chance.

Wasn't it Coldplay? And Beyonce came on.

OK, we'll go with Coldplay, and X... With L. L.

I will accept Coldplay,

with L or 50.

Now, you know this is Super Bowl performances.

Beyonce was a special guest,

but these are specifically the

headliners. Oh, OK.

So Beyonce headlined at

the 47th Super Bowl in 2013,

then we have Bruno Mars, Katy Perry,

and Coldplay at the 50th one.

Funnily enough,

they don't write it with an L.

If you look back at the

branding for that one,

because they felt in America that

"Super Bowl L" would confuse people,

so they put 50.

Even though they are going to,

for the next one, go back to LI.

So "Super Bowlli"

is OK, but "Super Bowll," no,

so they wrote it with a 50.

But Coldplay were the headline act.

Well done for the bonus.

That means, at the end of Round Two,

the Oscar Men have six points,

the Part-Time Poets have eight.

Time now for the Connecting Wall, and it'll be the Part-Time Poets

who go first this time, so you have a choice, Lion or Water?

We'd like the Lion Wall, please.

OK, you have two and a half minutes to solve the Lion Wall,

starting now.

OK, so Walk The Line is a... Is a biopic about Johnny Cash.

Yeah, with Joaquin Phoenix in.

Also a Johnny Cash song. OK. I'm seeing lotus.

Lotus, moon? No. Lotus. Crescent moon. Deadly nightshade.

That's a position. Those are positions. Oh, yeah, good one.

Right, yoga positions. Hunter as well. Crescent moon? Yeah.

BUZZ No. OK, let's try again. Mountain.

BUZZ OK.

I don't know if crescent moon actually is one, by the way.

OK, no, me either. We tried that. Maybe try cobra?

Try power. Power. Yeah, power stance.

OK, what else have we got? Jet black, mud brown...

Wild... Election.

Election special. Deadly nightshade. Election night. Electric Six.

Electric...power?

No. Power plant.

Saracens, cobras. No, Saracen, Cobra, Jet, and Hunter.

Oh, Gladiators! They're all Gladiators! Right, OK.

So Jet is one. Nightshade was one. Let's try without Cobra.

No, let's try without Jet.

Yes! OK.

Jet pack. Six pack, mud pack.

Power pack. Power pack.

Expansion pack. Yeah, OK, try it without power.

Right, try it without jet.

Try it without six.

And try it without mud.

Yes, OK. Three strikes and you're out, now.

OK. So now we've got this film, Walk The Line.

Or song Walk The Line, Johnny Cash song. Oh, Reese Witherspoon films.

She was in Election.

She was in Walk The Line, she was in Wild. And Mud.

You've solved the Wall! Well done, that's four points immediately.

What about the connections?

Tell me about the first blue group, starting Cobra.

They were all Gladiators of the 1990s.

That's right, the original series. 1992-2000. They're Gladiators.

The green group. Power, Jet, Six, Expansion.

Can be followed by "pack." They can all be followed by "pack."

And the next group, starting Wild.

They are films with Reese Witherspoon in them. That's right.

Wild, Election, Walk The Line, and Mud,

all featured the actor Reese Witherspoon.

And the final turquoise group - Mountain, Cow-Face,

Lotus, Crescent Moon.

I would go for yoga. Yoga poses.

They're yoga positions. That's absolutely right, very well done.

So that's all the connections, as well as the groups.

I can give you a maximum of ten points.

Let's bring in the Oscar Men now, give them a Wall,

and see what they can do about solving it.

It's the Water Wall that remains for you.

Two and a half minutes, of course, starting now.

OK. Adze, that's a kind of cutting plate, isn't it? Yeah. Woodwork.

Chisel. Durian's a fruit as well.

OK, shall we go for jigsaw, adze, bradawl, and plane?

BUZZ

Chisel. Chisel, bradawl, adze, jigsaw.

BUZZ Adze, chisel, bradawl, plane.

OK, we've got that one.

Rambutan and durian, they're fruits, and avocado's a fruit.

We'll go for those ones, try that. BUZZ

OK. Go for mango, avocado there. BUZZ

Rambutan, ooh.

BUZZ OK, we're missing one out, are we?

I think durian, avocado. Try that, OK, good.

Three strikes now. OK.

So, these are types of puzzles, OK? And women's clothing places, so...

OK, we know Jigsaw is as well.

So that's the one that's crossover. Monsoon, Oasis.

We know tangram, KenKen and the crossword, right?

OK, so the next one we need to go for...

There's women's clothing outlets, and there's puzzles,

so Jigsaw is probably most likely to go in that.

We've got Monsoon, Oasis, Mango and Tentaizu. Could be a puzzle as well.

BUZZ

OK, so it's that, tangram, KenKen, crossword.

That's it, you've solved the Wall. Very well done.

What about the connections? Chisel, Adze, Bradawl, Plane.

Yeah, they're all types of tools. They're woodworking tools.

The Adze, of course, so beloved of Scrabble players,

with or without the E.

So useful. And the green group, starting Rambutan?

They're all fruits. They are. All exotic fruits, really.

Our question editor says, "The durian is a large, oval,

"tasty but foul-smelling fruit with a prickly rind."

Takes one to know one, I would say. Takes one to know one.

The rambutan is a sort of round, prickly red Malayan fruit.

And the next group, starting Tangram, what's that?

They're all types of puzzles. Exactly.

Quizzers should always appreciate the range of puzzles in

the world. That's four of them.

And the last group - Jigsaw, Monsoon, Oasis, Mango.

Having two sisters, this has helped me out.

They are women's fashion outlets.

Women's clothing stores, that's absolutely right.

So, all the groups, all the connections,

that's a maximum of ten.

Let's have a look at the scores.

The Oscar Men have 16 points,

the Part-Time Poets have 18 points.

So it's neck and neck, and will be decided in the Missing Vowels round.

Fingers on buzzers, teams. This is a close one.

The first group are all adjectives involving animals.

Oscar Men. Snake-hipped.

Correct.

Poets. Erm...

Too long, I'm afraid. Oscar Men.

Er, dog tired. No, that's not it.

Dog-eat-dog. Next clue.

Don't know this one.

They say it of a town. One-horse.

Next clue.

Poets. Hen-pecked.

Correct. Next category - things an estate agent might say.

Oscar Men. In need of modernisation.

Correct.

Poets. Full of character.

Correct.

Poets.

Tremendous scope for improvement.

Very well done.

This one is deceptively spacious.

Next category - people who share their surnames with birds.

Poets. James Martin. Correct.

Oscar Men. Christopher Wren.

Correct.

Oscar Men. Angela Eagle.

Is the right answer.

BELL RINGS

And the bell has gone for the end of the quiz.

No more people who share surnames with birds,

I can reveal the final scores, and the winners,

with 21 points, and through to the next round,

are the Part-Time Poets.

And an impressive second place, with 20 points, it's the Oscar Men.

So very well done, Part-Time Poets, you are through.

But Oscar Men, with a score of 20,

I can reveal you are among our highest scoring second place

finishers this block, so you'll be back as well,

through to the next sub-round.

Very well done. We'll be seeing you all again.

And I hope we'll see you again too. Join me for next week's show,

which is going to feature a swimwear round, but don't worry,

it simply involves our teams having to identify ancient Etruscan forms

of swimwear using engravings found on old pottery shards,

while wearing bikinis and Speedos.

TEAMS LAUGH

Goodbye.