Psmiths v Verbivores Only Connect

Who wants to be a millionaire?

I don't. Parking a helicopter would be a nightmare for a start.

All that hovering around the area, looking for a vacant capital H.

Luckily, on this show, there are no prizes at all,

so our teams have nothing like that to worry about.

Continuing their journey towards absolutely nothing tonight

are, on my right...

Mark Smith, an archivist with a PhD in the politics of culture

in Nigeria 1939-1966,

whose great uncle Albert is coincidentally

the first ever Bishop of northern Nigeria.

Nick Holland, a freelance copywriter and keen ventriloquist who performs

Nessun Dorma with his tortoise puppet, Sheldon.

And their captain, Nick Reed,

a charity administrator who walked alongside the singer Billy Bragg

for over 15 minutes

without ever drumming up the courage to say hello.

United by a soft spot for sad singers and silent letters,

they are the Psmiths.

Now, in your journey so far you lost your most recent game against the

Cosmopolitans, but you get another chance now to make it through

to the semifinals. Do you have a game plan for tonight?

We do, we've had three nail-biting wins and a blowout defeat.

We decided we prefer the former

and have been trying to get into a groove

with the team mantra "Hello to Jason Isaacs".

Well, good luck with that plan tonight.

You'll be taking it up against, on my left...

Phyl Styles,

a secondary school teacher

who fainted while giving blood in France.

Tom Cappleman, a software engineer who's spent an hour a day playing

the same computer game for the past 11 years.

And their captain, Graeme Cole,

a computer sciences graduate whose great,

great, great, great grandfather was a Cornish smuggler with a comb-over.

United by a weakness for wordplay, they are the Verbivores.

Now, eagle-eyed viewers will have noticed that this is a rematch.

You actually met the Psmiths in your opening heat.

How are you feeling about encountering them again?

Well, we lost our first encounter by just two points,

and since then we've got steadily better on the wall,

but we've also got steadily worse on missing vowels.

Hopefully not by quite the same amount.

So, we'll see what happens.

We won't see what happens unless we play the quiz.

Let's start with Round One.

What is the connection between four apparently random clues?

So, two old sparring partner teams go up against each other.

Let's kick that off again. Psmiths, what would you like?

-Two Reeds, please.

-Two Reeds. OK. Picture clues immediately.

Something connects them, what is it?

Here's the first.

NICK STIFLES LAUGHTER

Next.

I don't know that in the least.

Next.

Is that...? That's the G-Mex centre, is it?

-We don't...

-Maybe they all start with GI...

Next.

Now that is... It's a herb, isn't it? A herb.

Three seconds.

With no confidence at all,

we think they might all start with G hyphen.

They do not all start with G hyphen.

So, Verbivores, you've got the chance of a bonus point.

-They're all sage.

-They're all sage?

They are all sage.

Who is that in the second picture? Phyl, I feel sure you know.

-No!

-Rapper Sage the Gemini?

Oh, that's my thing, yes.

And in that third picture,

-that is a music venue, Sage Gateshead.

-Yes.

And in the last one, the herb sage.

All sage. Well done for a bonus point.

-And you may choose a question.

-Eye of Horus, please.

-Eye of Horus.

OK. What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

What acts as a question mark in Greek?

THEY CONFER

Do we want the next one, then?

-Yeah.

-Next.

I think, I think you could be right.

Semicolon to show you've been to college.

-Yeah.

-Shall we go with it?

-Yeah.

Semicolons?

Is the right answer.

You didn't need to see the next two clues.

In English, a semicolon separates major sentence elements.

And in emoticons,

they mean a winking eye.

Kurt Vonnegut said, "Do not use semicolons,

"they are transvestite hermaphrodites

"representing absolutely nothing.

"All they do is show you've been to college."

I'm not sure that transvestite

hermaphrodites do represent

absolutely nothing, I think they

represent rather a lot.

But there you go, he's a novelist,

not me, so that was his view.

These are all things done by semicolons. Very well done.

Psmiths, what would you like?

-Water, please.

-Water.

OK, what is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

That's Pam... That's Pamela, isn't it?

-OK.

-Or...

-INDISTINCT

-They might be from different famous things.

-Yeah.

-THEY CONFER

-Next.

That is Jessica.

That's... Women's names?

-Ending in A?

-It can't be, it can't be that simple, can it?

It could be all... Yeah, I don't know.

-Maybe we ought to go for another clue, then.

-Next.

-Former capital, Duchy of Lorraine.

-That's not helpful.

Erm...

I bet it's also a woman's name.

-INDISTINCT

-Shall we do it?

Are these all women's names ending in A?

That is not the right answer, so Verbivores,

I'm going to show you the last clue

for a possible bonus point.

Are they all women's names mentioned

in the song Mambo Number Five?

VICTORIA LAUGHS

That is a brilliant guess!

-But no.

-Aw!

Which names do you think you saw?

Pamela? Is number one Pamela?

Number one is Pamela.

-Number two is Jessica.

-Mm-hm.

Erm... And we don't know number three.

Number three doesn't actually end in A anyway.

-Ah.

-That would be Nancee, or Nancy.

-Diana?

-And then the last one is Diana.

Pamela, Jessica, Nancy, Diana?

Mitfords.

They are the Mitford sisters.

Yes, we didn't include the clue,

that which has oneness.

Or Unity.

Where was Unity Mitford conceived?

THEY LAUGH

It's lovely. Swastika, Ontario.

That's right. One of her relatives owned mines there.

So, no points there, but Verbivores, you may choose your own question.

-Lion, please.

-Lion. OK. MUSIC TONE

Well, it's the music question.

You'll be hearing your clues, I want to know what connects them.

Here's the first.

# In the wee wee hours

# Your mind gets hazy... #

Can't actually recognise it. Next.

# I can't wait till I hear you say

# I'm going down, mayday, mayday, I'm going to clam

# Cos every time that the pigs have got me... #

Next.

# My name's Smiley Culture...

# Where do you think you're coming from?

# Like from seeing my mother

# What's the registration number of the car?

# I can't remember... #

Next.

# We never had the love that every child ought to get

# We ain't no delinquents, we're misunderstood

-# Deep down inside us there is good!

-# There is good!

# There is good, there is good... #

Three seconds.

Based on almost nothing at all...names.

I think your problem is that "names"

applies to literally every song

ever written or recorded,

so I can't accept that as an answer.

Psmiths, your chance for a bonus point now.

We think the connection is the police.

The connection is the police.

What did we hear?

Going backwards, we had Gee,

Officer Krupke from West Side Story.

That's right.

Police Officer by Smiley Culture.

Mm-hm. What else?

A song expressing distaste for the police by NWA.

No, it's Ice Cube. Ghetto Bird.

He's addressing police in a helicopter.

It wasn't easy to find a bit of that song that was broadcast-able,

but we found a bit. And what about the first one?

Don't know.

That was Bruce Springsteen,

State Trooper.

All songs addressed to police officers.

Well done. So you get the bonus there and it's your choice.

-Twisted Flax, please.

-Twisted Flax.

What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

Next.

I think it's these previous names of Google or something?

Next.

Brands that have changed their names from this to something a lot more...

Erm, it's tempting, isn't it? I mean, we need a...

Shall we have a fourth? Next.

-That was a...

-Are they...?

That was a famous Internet failure, wasn't it?

Maybe they all are.

We think these are all, erm,

much-hyped internet companies that failed.

That's absolutely right, they are dot com bubble casualties.

What did they do? Tell me about those websites.

Boo.com was...

-Gifts?

-Clothes and gifts and things?

Yeah, sort of a fashion store, yes,

with a virtual hostess

called Miss Boo.

It was a pet supply company, you might imagine, Pets.com.

TheGlobe.com

was an American social network.

Think Tools was a Swiss IT company.

All much-hyped companies

that famously crashed.

Verbivores, what would you like?

-Horned Viper, please.

-The Horned Viper.

OK. What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

Flying balloon girl: West Bank.

Is this Banksy graffiti?

-Is it?

-I think so.

I think there's a picture of someone, a girl with balloons.

-Do you want to go with that?

-Yeah.

These are artworks by Banksy?

Coming in after one clue,

I'm going to give you five points.

They are all works by Banksy.

Let's have a look at them.

You recognised immediately, Tom,

the Flying Balloon Girl, which is on the West Bank.

Man Hanging From A Window, that's in Bristol,

it's outside a window ledge,

the idea is that the chap is just slipping out of the premises.

Think Tank, that's a Blur album cover,

and If Graffiti Changed Anything...

is a piece of graffiti or a graffito in Fitzrovia.

I should probably say it's not confirmed that they are by Banksy.

They are rumoured to be

by the artist Banksy.

Very well done.

That means at the end of Round One that the Psmiths

have two points,

the Verbivores have nine.

Sequences now, and Psmiths, you'll be going first again,

so please choose a sequential hieroglyph.

-Two Reeds, please.

-Two Reeds.

OK, I'll be showing you the first in a series of clues,

what would you expect to come fourth?

Time starts now.

-Rivers, Washington.

-Um, no. Next.

Longest rivers? The Nile?

No, no, no.

Potomac: 1, Congo: 2.

Next.

Nile three?

Is this to do with the tributaries, or...

Or the dates on which their sources were found?

Amazon...

Mississippi, the Mississippi.

BELL

Mississippi, four.

Not the right answer, I'm afraid, so a bonus chance for you, Verbivores.

-Danube, four?

-Is the right answer.

My goodness. And why is that?

They're the number of capital cities that these rivers go through?

That is very well calculated.

Which capital cities do these rivers flow through?

Potomac is Washington, DC.

Congo probably Kinshasa and Brazzaville.

-That's right.

-Nile is Khartoum, Cairo and...

I don't know the other one.

Juba in South Sudan.

And what about the Danube? That is the only river to go through four

capital cities. Do you know what they are?

-Budapest.

-Of course.

Vienna. Bucharest.

Bratislava and Belgrade in Serbia.

It is increasing numbers of capital cities on rivers,

and the right one is Danube, well done.

So you get a bonus and a choice.

-Twisted Flax, please.

-Twisted Flax.

OK. What will come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

What was he in 2005-2010?

Shadow Chancellor?

Yes, it could have been McDonnell 2015...

He's Corbyn's...

Is that going to be right?

-Don't go rash.

-Shall we go next?

Next.

-I think you've got it.

-Yeah...

-So. McDonnell...

-2015.

2015 to present.

BELL

McDonnell, 2015 to present.

Not the answer, I'm afraid,

so I'm going to show the third in the sequence to the Psmiths

for a possible bonus point.

I can't give you long.

No, that's too long, I'm afraid.

Now, you are right, these are successive Shadow Chancellors,

but you forgot Alan Johnson,

then, of course, Ed Balls was

Shadow Chancellor 2011-2015.

How could you forget Alan Johnson?

One of the greatest politicians of our time.

Have you read his book?

My father-in-law has.

Well, that's...

My father-in-law's done a lot of

things I haven't.

Nobody read his book?

It's a wonderful book.

Yes, successive Shadow Chancellors,

and the one we were looking for was Ed Balls.

No bonus, then, Psmiths, but what would you like?

-Water, please.

-Water.

OK, what would come fourth in this picture sequence?

Here's the first.

Is it some...

It's the letter A.

It could be variants on the letter A until it

becomes...starts out as an ox and turns into letter A.

-Shall we try one?

-We should definitely.

Next.

Yeah, I think these are building towards a capital A.

We need some points.

BELL

Is it simply a capital A?

It is simply a capital A,

very well done.

Talk me through these clues.

I believe the A starts out as a stylised picture of an ox.

It's a Sinai ox, it's an Egyptian

hieroglyph, really, isn't it?

That's the ox, representing A.

Then what?

Then things that look gradually less like an ox

and more like a capital A.

It's a Phoenician aleph

in the second clue,

then the old Greek alpha, getting towards the Roman A.

Verbivores, what would you like?

-Horned Viper, please.

-The Horned Viper.

OK, what will come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Britain A, Germany A.

Let's see the next one.

Next.

Oh, right, yeah, they're different in Germany, aren't they?

So, in Britain it's...

It's going to be a D...

-It's not the national anthem, is it?

-No, no, no,

it's the scales, in Germany they use an H somewhere.

If this is going to be C?

-No, the fourth.

-Yeah, so A, B flat, B, C...

But what's it going to be in Germany?

A, B, H, C, is it?

I think, I think they, I think it's H.

I don't know.

Or, C, D?

BELL

A British flag with a letter C,

and a German flag with the letter...

C?

Is the right answer.

A Union flag with a C, a German flag with a C.

That is right. And what is the sequence?

They're the musical notes.

In Germany, they do it differently,

they have an H where you'd least expect one.

We couldn't quite remember where it was, but luckily we guessed right.

That's absolutely right, the British

system is perfectly logical,

the notes go A-G with flats,

except C and F don't have flats,

but that just stands to reason.

Whereas in Germany, they don't have a B flat,

and because they're then missing a note,

they shove in a quick H

on their way to C.

But we arrive at C and C in both musical scales.

Well guessed. Back to you, Psmiths,

-for a choice.

-Eye of Horus, please.

Eye of Horus, OK.

What would come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Next.

-This is going to be about writing, I think.

-Yeah.

Next.

Border?

Is it headlines, bits of newspapers?

It's got to have an order.

Content, padding, border...

-Headline?

-Is it, is it like

how you make a mattress,

or a pillow or something?

Or parcel?

-Envelope?

-Pillowcase? No.

BELL

Envelope?

Not the right answer, I'm afraid.

So, Verbivores, what do you think?

-Margin.

-Is the right answer.

And why is that?

They're coming from

the innards of a page going out,

what the layout...

The bits you call the layout, and the margin is on the sides.

I've explained that brilliantly - again!

What sort of page?

A page of text,

-a newspaper page?

-A web page.

It's elements for HTML.

They are layers of HTML elements on web pages.

The questioner had to explain this

to me, I was so bored he had to explain it about seven times

and I slept through all of them.

But as I understand it,

you get content in the middle of a page, then the padding, then border,

then right on the outside is margin.

That completes the page.

So, well guessed again.

And you're going to get the last

question of the round, the Lion.

What would come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Next.

-Five...

-It is a comma, but...

Fibonacci sequence.

-It is a comma.

-Shall we go next?

Is it between... No, no...

Next.

-Primes.

-It's going to be

the next four primes, which is...

-Next four primes.

-17, 19, 23 and 29.

29.

BELL

Four, brackets, 17, 19, 23, 29.

I'm afraid you didn't close the brackets,

so I can't give it to you...

That is the right answer.

They are bunches of prime numbers.

The first is two, the next two are

three and five, the next three,

seven, 11, 13, and the next four

17, 19, 23, 29.

Very well done.

Well, that means at the end of Round Two

the Psmiths have five points,

the Verbivores have 16.

Time now for the Connecting Wall,

and Verbivores, you'll be going first.

Would you like Lion or Water?

-Water, please.

-OK.

Two-and-a-half minutes to solve the Water wall, starting now.

Sexy MF?

Oh, things on a...

Tomato...

Yeah, they've got things...

Yeah, we've got things on a,

on a gambling machine.

Cherry, 7, Bell, Plum.

BUZZ

And Grape and Bar.

Oh, well!

Shall we... If you spot anything else.

What were you...

-Beefsteak tomato, Cherry tomato, Plum tomato...

-Grape.

Oh, well done.

-Go for the...

-Seven, Bell, Bar...

-A clock?

-BUZZ

They're things, symbols on fruit machines.

Shot?

BUZZ

Yeah, well, I'll just try all of these, then.

BUZZ

Stop me if you see anything else.

I'm going to find out it's none of them.

BUZZ

I've seen Sexy MF on a fruit machine!

BUZZ

BUZZ

Right, well, that was a waste of time!

Sexy MF? Is it like a... I don't know.

Are some of these drinks?

Is it Kiss FM? Kiss FM, 7...

Sexy MF.

Late, Tonic....

Can you have a late drink?

Yes, I suppose.

Shot, um...

What about towers?

Clock Tower, yeah, I think you're right.

Bell tower, Cooling tower, Clock Tower...

-Bar?

-Bar tower?

BUZZ Got a minute left.

-Sexy MF, I'm going to keep pressing Sexy MF for ever.

-Shot.

Shot tower. Well, there we are.

Right, is Tope a colour?

It's not spelled like that, but cream's a colour.

Yeah, cream...

-Tonic water...

-Tonic.

Cream, you can have in a drink, can't you?

We have to say something, guess something.

30 seconds.

INDISTINCT CONVERSATION

The others aren't going to be...

Shall we just try something?

Let's try something.

Kiss, I'm guessing radio stations.

-Late FM, perhaps.

-Tonic.

BUZZ

Let's try seven. Seven.

-BUZZ

-No, one more guess.

-Ten seconds.

-Ten seconds.

You, you, you and you.

Not it, I'm afraid.

And that's it, your three lives are up and the wall has frozen.

But you found two groups.

What about the connections?

Tell me about the first blue group, starting Cherry.

They are types of tomato.

Cherry tomato, Plum tomato, Beefsteak tomato, and Grape tomato.

And the second green group, starting Cooling.

-Tower.

-Cooling tower, Bell tower, Clock tower, Shot tower.

It is correct. And you can still get points for the connections in the

groups you didn't find, so let's resolve the wall.

There we go, tell me about the pink group, starting Late.

Are they to do with drinks?

No, you're not seeing it. Iso.

Isolate, isotope, isobar, isotonic.

That's what you put before all of those.

And the turquoise group.

7, Cream, Kiss, Sexy MF.

Are these radio stations?

Really? None of you?

Not one of you?

They are songs, all by Prince.

And, as you suspected, there was a complete false group in there,

the fruit machines. The next wall has a whole false group as well,

I'm looking forward to them heading down that blind alley.

But you did find two groups and give me two connections,

that is a total of four.

Let's bring in the Psmiths now, give them the other Connecting Wall,

and see what happens to them.

Welcome back, Psmiths, you will be getting the Lion wall,

and two-and-a-half minutes to solve it.

Starting now.

Publishers.

Publishers. Bloomsbury,

Penguin, Puffin.

-Toucan?

-BUZZ

-Ladybird. OK, so you've missed...

-BUZZ

Children's books.

-Ladybird, Toucan, Puffin...

-BUZZ

Orion's a publisher.

-OK.

-BUZZ

Bloomsbury's got...

Snoopy is a cartoon dog.

Swann with double N.

-Cricketer?

-Is it a cricketer or character from Proust?

Erm...

Turner, we've got prizes, are any of the others prizes?

-Is there a Bloomsbury prize?

-I think there is.

Maybe Pegasus.

BUZZ

OK.

BUZZ

BUZZ

No, no, OK. I'll just keep going

through publishers while

we try and...

BUZZ

Mighty Sparrow.

Comic. Are there comics in here?

What else could Snoopy be?

Oh, types of road crossing.

Puffin, Toucan, Zebra...

Pegasus crossing.

-OK.

-OK.

So does that make the publishers easier to do?

-Not considering Puffin.

-Do you want to give it a go?

Bloomsbury, Penguin, what else have we got? Doubleday and Orion.

-BUZZ

-OK. What have we missed?

-30 seconds.

-Ladybird?

-Ladybird, OK, so we're missing Orion.

-Great.

-Well done.

-OK, so what does Orion come with?

-Three lives.

Orion and Aquarius go together.

Barbossa, what could that be?

Snoopy...

That's it, you've solved the wall,

very well done, with just ten seconds to go.

And what about the connections?

Zebra, Pegasus, Puffin, Toucan.

These are types of road crossing.

They are road crossings.

And the Green group, starting Ladybird?

They, along with everything else on this, are publishers.

Ladybird, Bloomsbury, Penguin, Doubleday, all publishers.

And the pink group, starting Eagle?

They are...

codenames in the Second World War.

Lovely. Sadly not the answer.

Eagle, Orion, Aquarius, Snoopy

are lunar landing craft.

They are spacecraft that went to the moon.

And the turquoise group,

Sparrow, Swann, Turner, Barbossa.

Are they... Pirates called Jack?

I am sorry, the specific thing I needed to hear was that they are in

Pirates Of The Caribbean.

Nevertheless, you found all four groups

and you gave me two connections,

that is a total of six.

Let's have a look at the overall scores.

The Psmiths have 11 points,

the Verbivores have 20.

So, the place in the semifinals will be determined in the Missing Vowels

Round. Fingers on buzzers, teams.

I can tell you that the first group

all feature a Shakespearean character

and their killer.

-Verbivores.

-Mercutio and Tybalt.

Correct.

-Verbivores.

-Regan and Goneril.

Correct.

-Verbivores.

-Hamlet and Laertes.

Correct.

-Psmiths.

-Desdemona and Othello.

Correct. Next category, geographic features of Australia.

-Psmiths.

-Uluru.

Correct.

Psmiths.

-Cape York Peninsula.

-Correct.

-Psmiths.

-The Australian Alps.

Not it, I'm afraid,

Verbivores, do you know?

Australian Alps.

Australian Alps is the right answer.

Next clue.

-Psmiths.

-Great Australian Bight.

Correct. Next category, sources we trust on Only Connect.

-Psmiths.

-Debrett's.

Correct.

-Verbivores.

-Oxford English Dictionary.

Correct.

END OF ROUND BELL

I'm tempted not to say what that one

is and just leave people to pause

their televisions and stare for ages

trying to work out New Grove Dictionary Of Music And Musicians.

But I have given it now and the bell

has gone for the end of the quiz.

Looking at the final scores I can tell you that the winners,

and through to the semifinal with 25 points

are the Verbivores.

And in second place with 15,

it's the Psmiths.

Very well done on the semifinal.

Psmiths, I'm afraid in this sort of quarter,

in ways I don't even really understand, you need to go home.

Thank you very much for playing,

you've been a lovely team and you've

brightened up the series.

So, thanks for coming along.

Please join me next time for another episode of Only Connect,

or OC, as some people call it.

Don't confuse it with another TV show called The OC, though,

that's very different. One is a drama of life, love,

rivalry and shimmering sexual tension -

I genuinely don't know if I'm going to reverse this comparison or not -

..set in Orange County California.

No, I'm not.

The other is Only Connect. Goodbye.