Semi-Final 2 Only Connect

Good evening and welcome to Only Connect,

coming to you, as always, from sparkling downtown Cardiff.

By the way, when I'm out and about,

some people tell me they assume Only Connect is made in Wales

because of some kind of quota system or regional diversity budget.

And I say, "No! This is a properly Welsh show.

"It was devised by Welsh people at a Welsh production company.

"The producer's Welsh, the director's Welsh, the crew is Welsh.

"Only Connect isn't one of those trendy fly-by-night visiting

"London bandwagons, it's Welsh to its very soul."

And then they say, "Why don't they get someone Welsh to present it?"

And I say...

"Shut up!"

Let's meet the teams.

On my right,

Taissa Csaky, a classics graduate and dog-lover, who was told by

a Glastonbury hippy that the Egyptian god of mummification

was visible in her dog Zephyr's aura.

Niall Sheekey, a trained bell-ringer,

who spends every Boxing Day

jumping into the freezing cold sea.

And their captain, Michael Jelley,

a maths graduate and enthusiastic korfball player, who rescued

the team pom-poms from a burning gymnasium.

United in their devotion to the Dutch sport of korfball,

they are the Korfballers.

Welcome to the semifinal.

Michael, this means you got further than your brother,

who played Only Connect and made the quarterfinals.

How do you feel about that?

I'm delighted, but of course in life, as in korfball,

the only success is victory.

Excellent.

You are facing tonight, on my left,

Annette Fenner, a medical journal editor

who hand-delivers a cake every year

to the Test Match Special team at Lord's.

Emily Watnick,

a retired finance manager,

whose great-uncle was Albert Einstein's physician.

And their captain, Amy Godel,

a former hypnotherapist who enjoys going to museums at night.

United by their love of air travel and alcohol,

they are the Cosmopolitans.

You've won every game you've played so far.

What is the secret of a successful Only Connect strategy?

Well, if we knew the secret, we'd be a bit more confident at this point.

Um, we don't really have one.

Perhaps you can publish your book afterwards.

You won the toss, Cosmopolitans, so you'll be going first.

Please choose an Egyptian hieroglyph.

Horned Viper, please.

First question of the semifinal, the Horned Viper.

What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

Where? What other Canadian word?

Do we know any?

-No.

-I don't know.

-Next.

-Next.

Attributed to Schumann...

INDISTINCT SPEECH

Mistakes?

-Various kinds of... Next.

-Next.

Statue of Liberty commemorated...

Oh, are these some kind of...?

Next.

They're some kind of mistakes

in the Encyclopaedia Britannica?

Mistakes in the Encyclopaedia Britannica?!

The slander.

They are most certainly not.

Korfballers, do you want to have a go for a bonus point?

Were they mistakes made in Olympic opening ceremonies?

They were not.

These are mistakes on stamps.

There were some Canadian stamps, which showed the rocks from

a park, but they identified it as a different park.

There was a German stamp,

which was meant to be a tribute to Schumann, and it had a score

in the background, a Schubert's score.

The American stamp was meant to have the Statue of Liberty on it

and they chose the Statue of Liberty from the hotel New York-New York

in Las Vegas, a big plastic one.

And the Isle Of Wight, you'll spot there,

is not written how it's supposed to be.

No points there, Korfballers, but you may choose a question.

-The Two Reeds, please.

-Two Reeds.

MUSICAL TONE The music question,

something connects the clues you're going to hear.

What is it? First one coming in now.

-# John Wayne in Lover's Lane

-Making whoopee with his squaw

# But his bullet belt starts getting in the way

-# It's making his life a bore... #

-Erm, move on.

-# So she says to him... #

-Next, please.

# Foresight minds wide magic imagery... #

INSTRUMENTAL

-Ah...

-Go on.

-Next, please.

# Don't you...

# Forget about me

# Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't you

# Forget about me... #

Next, please.

# Today is going to be the day

# That they're going to throw it back to you... #

Two seconds.

Erm...

They were all kept off number one

by a remarkably small number of records.

They were not all kept off number one

by a remarkably small series of records.

So, Cosmopolitans, your chance for a bonus point now.

Are they all recorded by someone

who was married to Patsy Kensit?

Oh, well done.

They all feature someone

who was married to Patsy Kensit.

What did we hear?

-I didn't recognise the first...

-Well, there was a Simple Minds...

But we had Simple Minds and Oasis.

She was married to Jim Kerr and Liam Gallagher.

The first clue was Haysi Fantayzee, with the vocalist Jeremy Healy.

And the second one, Big Audio Dynamite -

-she was married to the keyboardist, Dan Donovan.

-Yes.

All husbands of Patsy Kensit.

Excellent lateral thinking, well done.

-And you may choose your own question.

-Twisted Flax.

Twisted Flax, OK. What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

Belgium equals Z.

Erm, next.

THEY CONFER

I don't know. Next.

Malta equals...

Eight...?

No, they're not, no.

Could it be something to do with the Eurovision Song Contest?

No. Next.

THEY WHISPER

Three seconds.

Erm...

-No.

-SHE LAUGHS

-Nothing?

-No.

Korfballers, do you know?

Is it the letter that each country

is allotted in the draw for Eurovision

and the order that Eurovision runs?

-It is not.

-Oh...

It is the letter that you might see

on the serial number

of this country's euro banknotes.

Z, for Belgium,

H for Slovenia, F for Malta.

All serial codes on euro banknotes.

Back to you, Korfballers, for a choice.

-The Lion, please.

-Lion, OK.

These are going to be picture clues.

What connects them? Here's the first.

-Playing cards.

-Solitaire.

Next, please.

Oh, is that KerPlunk?

It's Mikado, or it's called...

Oh, solitaire is because...

You play it on your own?

Gilbert and Sullivan.

Mikado... Do you think?

-You said Mikado.

-Yeah, it's Mikado.

BELL

Are they...

Gilbert and Sullivan...

-Works?

-..operettas?

They are operettas

of Gilbert and Sullivan.

Very well done.

What are we looking at?

We are looking at the Mikado.

-Erm...

-Yeah, that's a Hungarian game.

The Mikado, also an operetta.

-Patience.

-Mm-hm.

Is that a little maid from school by any chance?

-Well...

-That's a pinafore.

-A pinafore!

-Yes, that wouldn't be quite the title.

HMS Pinafore is what that denotes.

And some gondoliers.

And The Gondoliers. That is right.

You only needed to see two clues

though, so you get three points.

The pictures denote operettas by Gilbert and Sullivan.

-Very well done.

-Thank you.

Game on, Cosmos. What would you like?

-Water, please.

-Water.

What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

Pudding and cheese. Pfft...

Erm...

Next.

Oh, so it's something pudding and something cheese.

Santa Maria, Santa Peter?

Erm... Yorkshire?

Next.

Black widow.

Black pudding.

-Oh, it's black and...

-Peter...

And...

-Shall we see the next one?

-Next.

BELL

-Black and blue.

-Black and blue.

Black and blue is the right answer.

And I think you could have come in

-a clue earlier.

-We could, couldn't we? Yes.

Yes, the first word in each clue

you can put black before

and blue before the second one, so black pudding and blue cheese,

Black Maria and Blue Peter,

black widow and blue murder,

Black Ops and blue funk.

Back to you, Korfballers.

You'll be getting the Eye of Horus.

What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

Er, next, please.

Bianca was Pasty Palmer...

She didn't have any children, did she?

I think she did produce a son.

Did she?

Ricky or something? Yeah, next, please.

Otto?

-Heard of this one?

-Crossroads?

Is it possible that none of us knows?

I don't know...

Charlene could well have driven the bus.

Did Bianca? I don't watch soaps.

-Shall we go for one more?

-Yeah.

Next, please.

Wilson from On The Buses?

Two seconds. BELL

Did they all drive buses?

Not the answer, I'm afraid.

Cosmopolitans, would you like

to have a go for a bonus?

Are they some kind of famous dogs?

They are not famous dogs.

So, Wilson, you surely remember,

is the volleyball that befriends

-Tom Hanks in Castaway.

-Oh, no.

They are all inanimate objects

in cinema.

Otto is the autopilot in Airplane! - that's a character.

-Oh, yes.

-Of course!

Charlene is Private Pyles' rifle

in Full Metal Jacket.

And Bianca is from the film

Lars And The Real Girl. Bianca is...

Is not the real girl.

Yes. It's... Let's just say, a doll.

An anatomically realistic doll

that Lars befriends.

Inanimate cinematic characters.

At the end of Round One,

the Cosmopolitans have two points.

The Korfballers have three.

On to Round Two, the sequences round.

And, Cosmopolitans, you'll be going first again,

so what would you like?

-Horned Viper, please.

-The Horned Viper.

What would come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Monday (2,4)...

No. Next.

Three, four.

Is it number of letters in a phrase?

Monday's child is fair of face.

No, it isn't. Erm...

Wednesday... Next.

So, it's going to be Thursday.

Erm...

One, two, three, four...

Two seconds. BELL

Thursday... Erm...

Two...

Six.

Is the right answer. And why is that?

The number of vowels and consonants.

That's what it is.

There are two vowels in Monday

and four consonants.

Three vowels in Tuesday

and four consonants and so on.

We're going towards Thursday,

which has U and A for two vowels

alongside six consonants.

Well calculated.

Korfballers, what would you like?

The Two Reeds, please.

Two Reeds, OK.

What would you expect to come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Next, please.

Aluminium. Is it alloys or something?

What's going to be the fourth?

All I can think is it

what they make coins with?

But how are we going to know that?

I don't know. Next, please.

-Gold.

-50.

Oh...

It would be diamond.

Is it just carbon? So...

C.

-C (60).

-BELL

Is it C (60)?

Yes, it is. And why?

We think they're wedding anniversaries.

They are wedding anniversaries.

So, what are we looking at?

Erm, well...

That is diamond, a specific form

of carbon, for the...

The 60th wedding anniversary is the

diamond, which is made from carbon.

Then gold... 40 is ruby?

And 30, I think, is pearl.

Yes, so pearl is the

30th anniversary and that's made

predominantly from a form of

calcium carbonate, so CaCO3.

And ruby, made from...? Do you know?

Is it aluminium oxide and chromium?

That's exactly what it is.

There is a trace of chromium.

Very well done. Happy anniversary to you.

-Thanks.

-Well spotted.

It is wedding anniversaries

as chemical formulae.

Cosmopolitans, what would you like?

-Twisted Flax, please.

-The Twisted Flax.

What would come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

I: Alpin...

Next.

II: Alpin. Is that a name?

No. Next.

-Dunkeld?

-I've heard of that.

What is that?

Is it...?

One, two, three, four...

Successive...

Two seconds. BELL

Erm... IV: Alpin.

Not the answer, I'm afraid.

Korfballers, would you like to have a go for a bonus point?

Four... IV: Aviemore?

Not it. The answer is, and here's where

you were unlucky, Cosmopolitans, IV: Dunkeld.

It was a repeat, but it was Dunkeld.

This is our producer's

favourite question of the series.

It's the Malcolms of Scotland.

-The Malcolms!

-Oh, no!

Yes, the Malcolms.

Malcolm I of Alpin.

Malcolm II, Alpin.

Malcolm III, Dunkeld.

Malcolm IV, Dunkeld.

Yes, it's a little array

of Malcolms and the fourth,

Dunkeld, is what I wanted to hear.

So no bonus points,

Korfballers, but I can offer you a choice.

-The Lion, please.

-Lion.

What would come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Stuart...

Next, please.

Some kind of thing they've been.

Could it be...?

Could they both be some kind of mash-up of names?

Next, please.

Richard F. Who's Richard F Gordon?

Two seconds. BELL

Erm... Is it...

Otto G...

Philip?

-Brackets.

-The world's... Er, (11).

And why would that be?

He was Korfball player of the year...

LAUGHTER

-No, I'm afraid it's not a Korfball question.

-What a coincidence(!)

I hope that doesn't give too much away, Cosmopolitans.

-It is not Korfball.

-It's close though, isn't it?

We think it might be

Michael Collins (11).

It is Michael Collins (11).

Well done. What's going on here?

They're the astronauts that either didn't go on the moon

or were due, in the case of Jack's Swigert,

-not to go on the moon.

-They were the ones who stayed up in the...

In the spacecraft while the others went down on the moon.

That's right. They're the pilots

of command modules

on various Apollo missions.

We're going backwards.

Apollo 11, of course,

Neil Armstrong was on the moon,

Michael Collins, no,

stayed aboard the craft. Well done.

And you get your own question.

-Which is it to be?

-Water, please.

Water. What will come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

-Roman...

-Could be anything. Next.

Is it films?

Names of films, maybe?

No.

-Should we go for the next?

-Yes.

Next.

Classic.

Oh, is it kinds of...?

Classic...

Is it the titles for sort of

Trivial Pursuit or something?

-Classic?

-Genius?

BELL

-Genus.

-Not the answer, I'm afraid.

So a bonus chance for you now, Korfballers.

-Arabic?

-That's not it.

These are Times newspaper typefaces.

Roman then Millennium, and then

Classic, and the current one

at time of recording, Times Modern.

So no bonus points,

Korfballers, but I may offer you a question.

It will be the Eye of Horus.

I don't know why that keeps being left in the bowl.

It's a picture question.

What would you expect to come fourth?

Here's the first.

It's The Truman Show and that's...

Ed someone.

-Go on.

-Next, please.

Ed Harris.

Oh, we should know who he is.

-Go next.

-Next, please.

Christ the Redeemer.

Rio...

Truman...

But then what would the fourth be?

True man? Spectacles...

Christof is his name in the show.

Two seconds. BELL

Christopher Columbus.

Christopher Columbus?

For what reason?

They are people who are known as

or called Christopher,

going backwards in time?

What an enormous sequence

that would be!

I'm afraid I can't take it.

The last bonus chance, Cosmopolitans.

Anybody?

No, really, we've nothing.

You were terribly close, Korfballers.

Had you said Christopher Columbus

because he was commonly known

as Chris,

I would have given it to you.

We've got a picture of Chris Tarrant.

You correctly identified Christof

from The Truman Show.

Take the last letter off his name,

you get Christo from the married art

duo Christo and Jeanne-Claude.

Then Christ and you take

a letter off Christ, you get Chris.

Unfortunately, you made it longer.

Columbus's nickname,

that's what we needed.

That means, at the end of Round Two,

the Korfballers have five points,

the Cosmopolitans have five points.

So, we go neck-and-neck to the Connecting Wall and you'll be

going first this time, Korfballers, so please choose Lion or Water.

-We'd like the Water Wall, please.

-OK.

Two and a half minutes to solve the Water Wall starting now.

Rose, thistle...

Wren is on a coin and portcullis is on a coin.

They've built societies or libraries...

Tudor rose is on a coin.

Should we go with some of the coin ones so that we don't...?

-Let's try that.

-Thistle.

And the wren used to be.

Is this...? Are there any more of these?

-Because we should probably stop doing them.

-No.

-Go...

-Lit and Phil, Beinecke, these are definitely libraries.

-Wren Library.

-Yes.

-George Peabody?

-Peabody, yes.

Great. OK.

Ships, or...

-Caledonian, Britannia...

-Thistle Line?

That is a ferry as well, isn't it?

Anyone know what the NMR is?

And what's this, Thiele?

-Tudor Rose could be a ship.

-Yeah, it could.

Yeah, try that. And the Thistle.

BuzzFeed, animal feed.

-Oh, buzz...

-Test...

Test match, buzz...

Portcullis, it's a symbol of government, isn't it?

A portcullis is the symbol of...

Thistle, when in Scotland.

Try the Lion again.

Maybe it's not the Tudor Rose then.

-What's a Thiele? Do you actually know what it is?

-No.

Caledonian, Lion, Thistle...

-Just going to do it.

-OK, go for it.

See if we can get anywhere.

You keep thinking.

Airlines, airlines. Buzz is an airline?

Britannia was an airline.

-It was. Yes, good.

-Go and...

20 seconds.

This is obviously guesswork.

Hotels. Thistle Hotel.

Caledonian is definitely a hotel.

-All very similar.

-Ten seconds.

And that's it. The time has run out and the Wall has frozen.

But well done for finding a group on that horrible Wall.

-Thank you.

-Can you tell me the connection?

Let and Phil, Wren, Beinecke, George Peabody.

They are libraries.

All celebrated libraries. And you can still get points

for the connections of the groups you didn't find,

so let's resolve the Wall.

There you go. Portcullis, Tudor Rose, Lion, Britannia.

They're all found on the reverse of coins.

They have all historically been found on the reverse of

British coins.

And the next group - Test, Thiele, NMR, Thistle.

-Hotels.

-Hotel chains.

-No, they're tubes. Laboratory tubes.

-Oh.

And the turquoise group - Buzz Caledonian, Go, BEA.

They're all airlines.

They are at the defunct airlines.

But you found a group and you told me three connections.

That is a total of four.

Let's bring in the Cosmopolitans now and give them the other

Connecting Wall and see what they can do with it.

You'll be getting the Lion Wall because the Water's been taken.

You have two and a half minutes to solve it starting now.

-Right, Atari...

-N64.

-They're both games consoles.

-Yes.

-Dreamcast.

-And... Satrap?

-Monkey Jump?

-Really?

-Neo Geo?

-No.

Try...

You don't think there is a...

-No.

-OK.

-There is the sort of names of...

-Bells.

Lutine Bell, Great Paul, Liberty Bell and...

Japanese Peace Bell?

-No. Kaiser, Doge, Tsar...

-Maharani?

And Maharani...

Oh, no, they're ladies.

Dame and Maharani.

-Erm...

-Not Satrap?

-No.

I don't recognise that.

Satrap is a kind of leader.

-OK, so then we have Tsar and Doge...

-Nope.

-Erm...

-Let's try Maharani again.

-Maharani...

-Satrap, Dame, Kaiser.

-No.

-No.

Think of other things, and I'll... I'll try these.

Japanese Peace, it is a garden?

I'm sure... Yes, gardens. Yes.

The one in Hiroshima,

is that a garden or is it a tower?

So Japanese Peace Garden...

Liberty Garden?

Liberty Garden.

And... Erm... No.

I kind of want there to be a Monkey Jump Garden.

Yes, so do I! So do I.

Bells though...

-Erm...

-Liberty.

-Japanese Peace Bell.

-We did that.

Liberty doesn't have to be a garden.

Atari...

Atari might be another Japanese word for something

-that's not video games.

-30 seconds.

Yes, OK. It could be.

So Atari, Japanese Peace Bell...

Erm...

Argh!

No.

-OK, so... This is hard.

-This is so hard.

-Kaiser...

-Lutine?

-Satrap?

No, we've tried that. Did we try...?

Atari.

Kaiser, Tsar?

Satrap, Kaiser, Doge, Atari?

No.

There's just nothing! Nothing.

And that's it.

The time has run out and that horrible Wall has frozen.

-That is a horrible Wall!

-I'm afraid so.

But you can still get points for the connections

in the groups you didn't find, so let's resolve the Wall.

There you go.

Atari, Liberty, Monkey Jump, Dame.

-So, could they be...

-I have no idea.

..something to do with games?

-If you don't know, you just don't know.

-Really don't.

They are from a game - the board game Go.

-Terms from Go.

-No, we don't know that.

And the green one -

Great Paul, Tsar, Japanese Peace, Lutine.

Yeah, they are bells.

Yes, Tsar, that's the biggest bell in the world, though it's broken.

-Is it?

-It's in the Kremlin.

-Oh, wow!

-Yes, yeah.

Those are the bells.

Odyssey, Dreamcast, Neo Geo, N64.

They're games consoles.

They are games consoles, that's right.

And the turquoise group - Maharani, Satrap, Doge, Kaiser.

Well, they're kinds of leaders or governors.

They are leaders and rulers, that's right.

So, you didn't find any groups,

but you did find three connections.

That is a total of three.

Let's have a look at the scores going into the final round.

The Cosmopolitans have eight points,

the Korfballers have nine.

So relief from both teams as they realise that the scores are

still very close going into the Missing Vowels Round

that will decide that place in the final.

Fingers on buzzers, teams.

I can tell you that the first group are all...

four-syllable phrases.

Korfballers.

-Hocus-pocus.

-Correct.

Cosmopolitans.

-Hoity-toity.

-Correct.

Korfballers.

-Heebie-jeebies.

-Correct.

Korfballers.

-Erm, no...

-Boogie-woogie.

Cosmopolitans, do you know?

-Boogie-woogie.

-Boogie-woogie.

Next category are all from Exodus chapter 20 in the King James Bible.

Cosmos.

-Thou shalt not kill.

-Correct.

Korfballers.

-Thou shalt not steal.

-Correct.

Cosmos.

-Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.

-Well done.

Cosmos.

-Thou shalt not commit adultery.

-Really?

Next category - things of which there are 50.

Korfballers.

-Ways to leave your lover.

-Correct.

Cosmos.

-American states.

-Correct.

Korfballers.

-Points for the bull's-eye in darts.

-Correct.

Cosmos.

-BOTH:

-Shades of grey.

-Correct.

Next category - things that one figuratively doesn't have.

Korfballers.

-A penny to your name.

-Correct.

END OF ROUND JINGLE

No time to tell me that last one, which was a leg to stand on,

because the bell has gone for the end of the quiz.

And looking at the final scores, I can tell you

that after a very close match, the winners and going to the final

with 15 points are...

The Cosmopolitans.

And in second place, with 14 points,

it's the Korfballers.

That boogie-woogie one.

There was barely a matchstick in it.

Very well done, Cosmopolitans.

You're in the final.

Korfballers, thank you so much for playing.

You've been brilliant, but time to go home.

And so another show comes to an end.

An ending so inevitable, it makes the beginning seem almost pointless.

For what is birth but a precursor of death?

What is new growth but a foretelling of decay?

What is a rising sun but a herald of pitch-black, lonely night?

And next week is the final!

Goodbye.