Korfballers v Channel Islanders Only Connect

Hello, and welcome to Only Connect,

where you take the high road and I'll take the low road -

because I've heard there is planned maintenance on the high road.

But who will get where afore whom

in tonight's Only Connect,

which is the last of the opening heats in this half of the draw?

So, the last chance for these teams to make it through to Round Two,

or win a place in our highest scoring runners-up matches,

which have been introduced this year to my befuddlement.

In contention this evening are, on my right, Taissa Csaky,

a classics graduate, who enjoys cooking historical recipes

and has presented a symposium paper on venison pasties.

Niall Sheekey, a librarian and retired Irish dancer,

who is on a quest to visit every Anglican Cathedral in England

before his 30th birthday.

And their captain Michael Jelley,

a maths graduate and Leicester City supporter

whose great-great uncle was responsible for drawing

the Fox's Glacier Mint polar bear.

United by their devotion to the Dutch sport of korfball,

they are the Korfballers.

Michael, you're not the first Jelley to appear on this show, I think.

No, my brother was one of the Technologists in series five,

and they won the Wall game.

So, I've got quite a lot to live up to.

Do you have a competitive relationship?

If you finish with no points, will he be kind or laugh?

No, he will be brutal.

And rightly so.

Well, I hope there will be no opportunity for him to be brutal.

-Thank you!

-You are facing tonight, on my left...

Sean McManus,

a semiretired teacher who likes his allotment

and once took the Eggheads on a tour of Guernsey.

Caroline McManus,

a maths and French graduate who has seven grandchildren

and once bumped into Barry Manilow on the Southbank.

And their captain, Tabitha Osborne,

a junior doctor who's a member of the National Trust

and, as an infant, was the cover star of the Baby Boots catalogue.

United by a love of Guernsey, they are the Channel Islanders.

Now, you're not just Channel Islanders -

-you're also a family team, I think.

-We are.

-How does that work?

That's right. Caroline is my mum,

and Sean is her husband, so, my stepfather.

Two families, in fact, could be torn apart this evening

-if this goes go wrong.

-Could be.

-The stakes are high.

Good luck, everyone. Korfballers, you won the toss,

but you've decided to put your opponents in first.

Very tactical. So, Channel Islanders,

please choose an Egyptian hieroglyph.

Eye of Horus, please.

The Eye of Horus.

What is the connection between four apparently random clues?

If you can tell me the answer

after seeing fewer than four,

you'll get more points.

Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

-I don't know anything.

-I know nothing at all.

Next, please.

THEY CONFER

Are they sports with...?

They'll be a first of something.

They'll be a first something, isn't it?

SHE WHISPERS

-Next one.

-Can we have the next, please?

SHE WHISPERS

Next, please.

-He was a really good rugby union player in the '70s.

-Yeah.

-OK.

Three seconds.

The first change to something...?

-The first...

-Did they change from one sport to another?

..change discipline. They changed from one sport to another.

They did not all change from one sport to another.

That does not apply to all the clues.

I'm going to throw it over to the Korfballers

for a possible bonus point.

Were they the first

openly gay members of each sport?

Well, that is a moot point,

because openly gay and gay in the press, who knows?

But they are certainly all

sportsmen who have come out.

Which is an oddly rare thing.

There are suspiciously few

gay sportspeople to the naked eye,

and there must be more,

but these brave people

have all made that public.

So, well done.

You get the bonus point.

Which question would you like?

I am under duress to say Two Reeds.

Two Reeds, OK.

Let's see if you have anyone to blame or praise after this.

First clue coming up now.

-It's a film...

-Also a book.

-It was a book before...

Next, please.

-Cathedral.

-Cathedral...

I...

HE WHISPERS

-I really don't know.

-Shall we get another one?

We're not going to get it from this.

Next, please.

-Slade... Oh...

-It's an art college.

-They're not prisons, are they?

-Yeah.

-Fictional prisons.

-I don't know...

There is a prison in Cold Mountain,

but Slade is Porridge, isn't it?

Slade is Porridge.

-I think that's worth a go.

-Next, please.

-Yep.

-Yes.

We think they are fictional prisons.

You think rightly.

You could have come in

after three clues. They are fictional prisons.

What are the fictions?

I know the last one

is obviously Harry Potter.

-Slade was Porridge.

-That's right.

-I'm not sure of the other two.

-No.

Is Cold Mountain from Cold Mountain?

No. It's in the film The Green Mile.

-Oh!

-OK.

-The Cold Mountain correctional facility.

And Lichfield is in

Orange Is The New Black.

-Oh, OK.

-Right.

-Well done -

all fictional prisons. Channel Islanders,

back to you for a choice.

-Lion, please.

-Lion.

What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

I don't know. No idea.

THEY WHISPER

Next, please.

Must be something to do with security. Security.

Mm.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

Oh...

Appears on money...

Next, please.

Was going to say a banknote, but...

THEY WHISPER

Three seconds.

They appear on the new £20 note?

They do not all appear

on the new £20 note.

So, Korfballers,

you have another bonus chance.

Ways of making documents secure.

-Or...stamps...

-Security devices.

In a way, yes, but that's not

specific enough for a bonus point.

If it were your question,

I might have asked you to tell me more.

It's, very specifically, things that feature on the new UK passport.

-Oh!

-It would be lovely if banknotes

did contain an image of the holder.

The Queen on one side

and your own self on the other.

Might be a bit expensive to produce is the only thing.

But, yes, the perforated number, three-dimensional waterworks,

that image of Ada Lovelace

and the sculptor Anish Kapoor,

that's a drawing on one of the pages to make it harder to copy.

So, no bonus, Korfballers, but you may choose a question.

I'd like the Twisted Flax, please.

Then you may have the Twisted Flax.

And it will be a musical question.

You'll be hearing your clues, what connects them.

Here's the first.

# This is England on a winter's afternoon

# And there's no sun... #

Next, please.

# Getting late

-# I'm making my way over... #

-That's Rihanna.

# I'm making my way over to my favourite place... #

Don't Stop The Music. Next, please.

# Whoo! #

OK, "Don't Stop"...

THEY CONFER

Don't Stop.

Well, I have to, you pressed the buzzer. So...

That is indeed the answer.

Very well done.

You didn't need to hear the last clue,

Don't Stop Moving by S Club 7,

-we would have heard.

-Oh, shame(!)

What did we hear?

We had Rihanna,

Don't Stop The Music.

Michael Jackson,

Don't Stop Till You Get Enough.

And something I didn't recognise.

The Alan Price Set,

Don't Stop The Carnival.

-Oh!

-Don't Stop applied to the titles

of all of those pieces of music.

Very well done. Channel Islanders,

what would you like?

-Water, please.

-OK, the Water question.

These are going to be picture clues.

Something connects them. What is it?

Here's the first.

Next, please.

THEY WHISPER

Next.

Oh, that's... That's, um...

I don't know.

I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, isn't it?

SHE WHISPERS

Next, please.

-That's Carrie.

-THEY WHISPER

Three seconds.

THEY WHISPER

Um...Carrie, I don't know.

Not the connection, I'm afraid.

So, Korfballers,

another bonus chance.

We are looking at Samantha

from I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue,

who is very beautiful...

but not physically, because I think she's only pretend.

VICTORIA LAUGHS

SHE COUGHS

I'm sorry, there was interference on the line.

In that image of Samantha, she's not there.

She's obviously perhaps just popped out

-for an ice cream and was busy...

-Clearly.

..licking the nuts off a large Neapolitan.

Something like that. Not available

when the picture was taken,

-but that is the chair of Samantha...

-And that's Carrie.

-We think possibly splattered in blood.

-And Carrie.

-So, Carrie and Samantha.

-Mm-hm.

Oh, oh...

It's too late now,

but you can tell me if you like.

Carrie and Samantha,

the second image is Charlotte, North Carolina.

The first one, illustrations from the Tempest.

That is Miranda, the daughter of Prospero.

Miranda, Charlotte, Samantha, Carrie -

characters from Sex And The City.

-Saw it too late.

-I am ashamed.

I'm quite glad I didn't get that.

Well, you have got another chance to score some points this round

-with the final question - the Horned Viper.

-Excellent.

What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

Character in a song.

Next?

Next, please.

Delilah. She is also a character in a song.

But is that the point?

It seems a little bit...

"Why, Why, Why"?

-Maybe Tom Jones.

-Let's have another one.

Next, please.

Rebecca.

The eponymous heroines of something.

Or biblical - Rebecca, downfall of a man.

Er, yeah... And Rebecca is...

-Next one?

-Yeah.

-Next, please.

Weekend At Bernie's, oh, Lord.

Three seconds.

Is it something about pretending to be dead?

Tell me something else.

Not to be dead.

-Niall, please.

-Making someone who is dead appear alive.

That is not the answer, I'm afraid.

So, Channel Islanders,

your last chance for points this round.

You can have a bonus if you tell me the connection.

So, their eponymous character is dead.

The title character is dead.

In Weekend At Bernie's, there is a corpse

that they pretend is alive.

In the others - Rebecca, that's the Daphne Du Maurier novel.

She is just dead, you never see her.

Delilah, the Tom Jones song,

it's about how he killed his lover.

Annabel Lee is

an Edgar Allan Poe poem

about someone who has been buried.

At the end of Round One,

the Channel Islanders have one point.

The Korfballers have four.

On to Round Two, the Sequences round.

This time, there are still four connected clues,

but the fourth one is hidden.

The teams have to tell me what it is.

Channel Islanders, you'll be going first again.

Please choose a hieroglyph.

-Whatever.

-Two Reeds, please.

OK, the first in a series is coming up.

What would you expect to come forth?

Time starts now.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

THEY WHISPER

Next, please.

-Dong.

-That's Vietnam - so, what's next?

What's the sequence, then?

China, is it?

-Is it China? Yeah?

-I think so.

Yuan.

Is the right answer for two points.

-And why is that?

-So, they are currencies.

And we think they are going geographically...

-Towards China.

-West to east.

That's right, west to east towards China.

They are the currencies of Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam,

and the last would be

the currency of China itself, Yuan.

Well done.

Korfballers, what would you like?

-The Lion, please.

-The Lion.

What would you expect to come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Next, please.

Quantity of fighters... What number?

-Quantity of fights is five, quantity of fighters is four...

-Oh...

One, two, three...

Is it going to be something like one more...

-Like boxing.

-Isn't it going to be less?

Next, please.

Cessation of fighting, three...

Um...

I'd say that is like crossword clues...

So, there's...

No, they're not.

So, are they words in boxing?

Three seconds.

-OK, I have an idea.

-Say it.

-Say it.

-So...

Fall Of Fighter: 2.

Colon 2.

Why would that be?

I'm guessing, quite wildly, that these are boxing terms.

-And the first one has five letters, four letters, three letters.

-I see.

No, that's very clever.

And I'm marking it down mentally

as a possible future question, but no.

There are no terms where that number of letters that would apply.

Channel Islanders,

would you like a bonus point?

Well, I suppose you would. But can you have one?

-We'd like to try.

-I think it's from Fight Club.

The film and the book Fight Club, by Palahniuk,

and I think it is that everyone must fight on the first occasion.

Unlucky, because you are absolutely right about the sequence,

but not what comes fourth.

Which would be Secrecy: 2.

It's not the quantity of fights: 5,

in the sense there are five fights,

-it's the rule number.

-Yes.

So, rule five of Fight Club,

there must be only one fight at once.

Rule four, there must be no more than two fighters.

Rule three, the fight will stop

if somebody shouts stop

or they pass out.

And rule two, you do not talk about Fight Club.

And rule one, you do not talk about Fight Club.

So, well done for spotting

the connection there, Sean.

But not the answer, I'm afraid.

Nevertheless,

you may have your own question.

Twisted Flax, please.

The Twisted Flax. These are picture clues.

What would you expect to see in the fourth picture?

Here's the first.

Next, please.

That's John Hannah.

THEY WHISPER

Next, please.

Hannah Gordon...

Gordon Burns.

-Gordon anybody.

-Gordon Brown.

Would be an acceptable answer.

We've actually got his furry friend,

Gordon The Gopher.

But Gordon Brown is equally acceptable - why?

So, the names are progressing.

So, Elton John. John Hannah.

Hannah Gordon. Gordon the Gopher.

That's exactly right.

It's just overlapping names.

Well spotted.

Back to you, Korfballers, for a question.

I'm going to go rogue

and say Eye of Horus again, please.

Out on a limb, there, with the Eye of Horus.

Let's see if you live to regret it.

First in a sequence coming up.

What's fourth? The time starts now.

Kings...

Looks like the king's men...

Next, please.

-Kings dead...

-Dead kings...

Left the building...

Things that are longer.

The King is dead...

Next, please.

Oh...

Is it Robert Zimmerman?

Yes, Bob Dylan.

Oh, yes...

But Elvis wasn't...

THEY WHISPER

No. Kings...

Oh...

Three seconds.

Jones, with a line through it.

Not the answer, I'm afraid,

so your chance for a bonus,

Islanders.

-Mm...

-Just try Dylan.

Dylan, not crossed out.

-You're thinking about the same sort of thing.

-Yeah.

People having changed their names. But, no.

It's something you'll know or you won't.

It's one of those, because it's a song.

It's the John Lennon song, God.

It's the things he doesn't believe in.

"I don't believe in kings, I don't believe in Elvis,

"I don't believe in Zimmerman, I don't believe in the Beatles."

That's what would come there.

So, no bonus point for you, Channel Islands,

-but you may choose a question.

-Water, please.

Water. What is the fourth in the sequence?

Here's the first.

Next, please.

Next.

Oh, um...

So, it's either...

THEY WHISPER

Lilibet.

Is the right answer. Well done.

And why is that?

So, they're pet names or nicknames of sequential monarchs.

That's absolutely right.

They are the family names

of George V,

Edward VIII, George VI

and Queen Elizabeth II,

as they were known at home.

That leaves one question,

the Horned Viper, that will go to you, Korfballers.

What comes fourth in the sequence?

Here's the first.

Next, please.

So, that's Bolivia.

La Paz is very high.

Yeah...

-Buenos Aires is quite...

-Next, please.

That's not a capital.

Oh... Could they be, like, millions of population?

THEY WHISPER

Oh, heck.

Order of foundation... No.

Los Angeles or something with six?

As having the number of airports, it could be?

La Paz is tiny, though.

Three seconds.

Shanghai, six.

I'm afraid that does not work

in our sequence.

So, Channel Islanders,

last chance for a bonus point.

We're going to try New Orleans and six.

That would be an acceptable answer.

We've actually got

the Galapagos Islands and six,

but New Orleans would work.

-And why?

-We're... Yeah, Sean.

We think it's hours

behind London time.

That's right. It's time difference from the UK.

-Going west.

-From Greenwich Meantime.

And it's just the sequence.

It's just numbers, actually.

Three hours difference, Buenos Aires, four, La Paz,

five, New York and somewhere that was six hours

time difference from the UK -

New Orleans, that would apply.

So, well done.

That means, at the end of Round Two,

the Korfballers have four points,

the Channel Islanders have eight.

On now to the horrors of the Connecting Wall -

and you'll be going first this time, Korfballers.

You've got the choice, Lion or Water?

We'll have the Water Wall please, Victoria.

The Water Wall. You have two and a half minutes to solve it,

starting now.

OK, colleges...

Balliol or Scottish monarchs...

Corpus Christi.

Those...

-Exeter.

-Yeah, Regent's Park, as well.

Cities in Texas.

Austin, Dallas, Amarillo.

-Houston.

-Yeah.

There must be another one.

-Corpus Christi.

-Corpus Christi.

Brilliant. OK...

Oh, do we want to...?

-Hang on...

-Merton. Yes, there is one.

Let's give this answer before we have to go and guess them all.

-Yes.

-We have a limited three lives.

OK.

Three strikes and you're out, now.

Mm... British Lion.

Eastern Standard Time, or something.

We have... Mm...

Ripley in Alien.

Oh, and there's also The Fantastic Mr Ripley.

-Talented Mr Ripley.

-Talented Mr Ripley.

Mr... Mr...Lambert.

Mr Lambert, is he...?

Daniel Lambert is the fattest man in...um...

There are British Lions.

Mountain Range. Mountain Ash.

Mountain Lion. Mountain Bike.

-Oh, yes.

-Yeah? Shall we try it?

Yes, just put three in. Hold on.

And then...

What is this Standard Time?

-I was thinking standard...

-It could be Mountain Standard Time.

I think we should try it, because we then have time to do it again

if it's Mountain Range.

BUZZ Two goes now.

So, shall we just do this again and do Range,

-or do you want to wait and think about the others?

-Whoa...

Let's think about the others. Otherwise we'll only get one go.

You've got 30 seconds.

Ripley... No.

Agent? Agents?

-Agent something.

-Let's try that.

-BUZZ One more go.

-Agh!

-OK, so, leave out...

-Maybe leave out ash.

-Leave out ash.

-Yeah, happy?

-Yeah. Try it.

-Bit of a guess.

That's it, you solved the wall.

Very well done. And what about the points for the connections?

The first group, Houston or Houston, Amarillo, Austin, Corpus Christi.

All places in Texas.

Towns in Texas.

And the second, green group, starting Exeter.

They are all Oxford colleges.

They are colleges of Oxford University.

And the third group, Bike, Lion, Range, Standard Time.

We think that those can all be preceded by Mountain.

They can. And, yes, a time zone between Pacific and Central,

the Mountain Standard Time, that is.

-Somewhere around the Rockies.

-They can all follow Mountain.

And the last, turquoise group, starting Ash.

Characters in Alien?

They are all characters in Alien.

-Excellent.

-So, you found all the groups

and you got all the connections.

-So, I can give you the maximum of 10 points.

-Thank you very much.

The Lion Wall remains. We'll be giving that to the Channel Islanders.

Very similar principle.

Can they sort it out into four connected groups of four?

You have two and a half minutes, Channel Islanders,

to solve the Lion Wall...

starting now.

-So, OK, that's...

-That's a type of orange...

Jaffa...

-BUZZ

-OK, so, what's the others, then?

Oh, blood.

-BUZZ

-So, they're oranges.

I've done that one, haven't I?

-BUZZ

-You keep looking while I do this.

Santander, Alicante...

OK, so... Sword of Damascus.

Cadiz...

-Hm...

-Spanish ports. Cadiz, Santander...

Barcelona.

-Alicante.

-What's X Pro II?

-I don't know.

-OK, so...

-Three strikes and you're out, now.

Plenty of time.

Valencia.

-So, we've got Toaster...

-Jaffa...

-Lion's.

-Lion's Mane?

-Lion's Den.

-Lion's Den.

-Sword...

-X Pro II, I know nothing about.

-It sounds like it should be a game, or something.

-Dung.

-Dung Heap.

Is there a Damascus cake?

-No...

-No.

Dung...

-Orange...

-1977 is a

Golden Jubilee year, it's...

Virginia Wade won...

Toaster. What could Toaster be?

-Damascus. Road To.

-Road To Damascus.

Road To.

-Road To Toaster?!

-Lion's den.

This apostrophe S, it's got to be something -

-Lion's something.

-Lion's Mane,

Lion's...

Is there a brand, Lion's something?

-I don't know.

-Lyon's Cakes.

-That's with a Y.

-There's a Y.

So, X Pro II. I think that must be some sort of computer.

Surely, that's got to go with that somehow.

-Maybe...

-These are places in...

One, two, three are all places.

-Do you want me to take those?

-But what else can you put them with?

I think...that.

That is some kind of computer.

Just go for something.

See what we can get, if we can get a connection. Try it.

BUZZ You've got 30 seconds to go.

Well, let's go for your one, then.

-And put something else in.

-I don't know, what do you think?

-BUZZ

-Ugh! Oh, dear.

This is not good, is it?

I can't see...

Dung.. I can't think of anything.

-Dung. Dung heap.

-Ten seconds... BUZZ

..but that's it. That was your third strike and the Wall has frozen.

Can you tell me the connections in that first, blue group?

They're all types of orange.

Simply types of orange, that's right.

And the green group -

Cadiz, Santander, Alicante, Barcelona.

All Spanish ports.

All Spanish ports. And you can get points for the connections

in the groups you didn't find.

So, let's resolve the wall.

That's how it should have been.

Lion's, Damascus, Dung, Jaffa.

Um...

Cake.

Cake, did you say?

Cake.

I was just checking you didn't say "gate",

which is, I'm afraid the answer.

They are not cakes, they are gates

in the wall of Jerusalem.

Jerusalem wall gates.

And the last group -

-1977, Toaster, Valencia, X Pro II.

-It was a weird one...

No number on it.

Early computers.

Let me tell you, if I hadn't looked at the answer,

I could stand with your team for 47 years and not get this.

They are filters on Instagram.

-Oh.

-So, I don't blame you for not getting that.

-Shame.

But you do get four points

for the groups and connections you found.

Let's have a look at the scores going into the final round.

The Channel Islanders have 12 points, the Korfballers have 14.

So, tonight's game will be decided in Round Four,

the Missing Vowels round.

But remember, this is the final heat in this half of the draw.

There are 12 more teams to come,

but tonight we will decide not just who goes through to Round Two,

but who is the highest scoring second-place finisher.

We've got that to play for, as well.

So, buzz with care, teams. Fingers on the buzzers, please.

I can tell you that the first group are all...

Korfballers.

-Count Dracula.

-Correct.

Korfballers.

-Viscount Greystoke.

-Correct.

Korfballers.

-The Count Of Monte Cristo.

-Correct.

Korfballers.

Baron Greenback.

Good round. Next category...

Islanders.

-Cruise.

-Correct.

Korfballers.

-News.

-Correct.

Islanders.

-Zoo.

-Zoo.

That just doesn't rhyme with clues, I'm afraid.

I can't take it. Korfballers.

-Ooze.

-Ooze is the word.

Next clue.

Korfballers.

Cock-a-doodle-doos.

Correct. Next category. Things where...

Islanders.

-Strikes in baseball.

-Correct.

Korfballers.

-Handicap in golf.

-Correct.

Korfballers.

Points on a driving licence.

Correct.

Korfballers.

-Complaints to Ofcom.

-I'll say.

Next category, types of...

Korfballers.

Health.

Correct.

Islanders.

END OF ROUND JINGLE

Too late to give me the answer,

which would be public liability,

because the bell has gone

for the end of the quiz.

And I can tell you that after a very impressive Round Four,

the winners, and through to Round Two with 25 points,

are the Korfballers. APPLAUSE

Finishing in second place with a creditable 13 points,

the Channel Islanders.

Now, Channel Islanders, this is the last of our heats

and I can tell you that, with 13 points, you are...

equal in score

with our previous highest scoring second-place finishers.

So, I'm now going to look at the combined Round One and Two scores.

I can tell you that the other people scored in Rounds One and Two

a combined total of four. You scored eight.

You're still in the competition.

By virtue of those early rounds. APPLAUSE

-Very well done.

-Thank you.

-Not through to Round Two, of course.

You must play another game to get there -

but you still have a chance.

Utterly baffling.

You thought the questions were difficult.

Just try getting your head around the structure.

Still, if you can face it,

join me again next week for another episode

of the show that produces more head-scratching

than Mongolian super nits. And I should know.

Goodbye.