Bardophiles v Taverners Only Connect

Hello and welcome to Only Connect.

We're like the 14th century Scots King Robert the Bruce -

If at first you don't succeed, try again.

Once. And if you don't succeed that time, you're out.

Please go to the dressing room, collect your things

and leave immediately.

Joining me for the second time this evening are -

on my right, Charlie Cook,

a sciences graduate who collects foreign-language versions

of popular records,

Tim Hepworth, an IT consultant who went door-to-door

selling peach lemonade to celebrate the wedding of Charles and Diana,

and their captain, Sue Barnard,

a linguist and keen genealogist

who once narrowly avoided running over Barry Cryer.

United by a love of literature,

they are the Bardophiles.

Now, Sue, you lost your opening heat against the Tubers,

but you've come back as one of our

highest-scoring second place finishers.

How have you been preparing for this second attempt?

Well, one thing that let us down last time

was our woefully inadequate knowledge of brands of gin.

So, in the meantime, we've been doing a fair amount of research.

I thought someone had been in my dressing room.

Well, good luck. You are facing, this time, on my left -

Dean Reilly, a maths graduate who ate the world's best cheese toastie

at a Californian National Park,

Simon Gibbons, an astrophysicist

who studies the dark-matter halo of the Milky Way and has

a Welsh middle name,

and their captain, Mickey Alexander, a medical student

who was once punched by a Gallagher brother in what he hoped

was a friendly gesture.

United by a love of liquor,

they are the Taverners.

More drinkers. You lost your opening heat against the Cosmopolitans,

but you're also one of our highest-scoring...

Well, I don't want to say losers. Second-place finishers.

And what have you been doing in advance of this match?

Well, we failed to recognise Neil Tennant of the Pet Shop Boys,

which screwed us up on the Doctor Who questions.

We have been watching a lot of Doctor Who,

listening to the Pet Shop Boys,

and checking out a few of the Cardiff pubs as well.

Is there any other show where people could say,

"I didn't recognise Neil Tennant,

"which screwed us up on the Doctor Who question"?

People won't know what that means. So random, though.

Yes, we have a new structure this year.

You may be struggling to follow. It used to be that

everyone got two goes. Now, one half of the draw

has a lucky losers phase and then there's another half of the draw.

Don't worry, it's about to get a lot simpler.

We've got a diagram to show you how it works.

This is it. LAUGHTER

So, tonight's teams started here.

A1 and B1. Had they won, they'd have followed those arrows there.

Instead, they sort of fly over here, to what I think is game G.

Somebody goes here.

We should have drawn on a bus station what happens to the losers.

But if you just have a look at that,

you'll see that's how the competition now works.

Fortunately, the rules of Round One remain the same.

What is the connection between four apparently random clues?

Taverners, you won the toss, you'll be going first.

Please choose an Egyptian hieroglyph.

I think we're going to go for the Two Reeds, please.

The Two Reeds will be the first question of the match

that determines who goes on to Round Two.

What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

-Anything in particular, gentlemen?

-Hm, well.

I think another one.

Next.

2/7 Turkey.

OK. So, it's not the G-7...

It's not the G-7, no.

Is there an Arab or Asian bloc of countries?

-Shall we have the...?

-Yeah.

Next.

2/7 Egypt. Is it a words thing?

Next.

Three seconds.

Any ideas?

-Not a clue.

-We are going to say that...

No more prepositions, please. What's your answer?

-No, don't have anything. No.

-Don't have anything.

-OK, Bardophiles, possible bonus point for you.

-Yes.

It's where the Wonders of the World are located.

There's one in Iraq, two in Turkey, two in Egypt and two in Greece.

That is absolutely right.

I mean, technically,

I think there's one in Egypt and the

rest are theoretical at the moment.

Yes, they're the wonders of the ancient world.

The sites where they are reported to be.

Modern day locations where archaeologists believe

that Wonders of the World would be. Very well done.

-And you may choose your own question.

-The Horned Viper, please.

Horned Viper. What connects these clues? Here's the first.

TV.

Yeah.

Next, please.

Leeds Castle is in Kent, yes.

-A dog collar is worn by the clergy.

-Third one?

Next, please.

Ah, museums.

-The Lawnmower Museum.

-Oh, right.

-I think it's...

-Do you want to say, Tim, or do you want me to?

-All right.

-We think it's museums.

Yes, these are museums devoted to

those particular subjects.

There is a Barbed Wire museum

in La Crosse in Kansas.

It has 2,400 varieties of

barbed wire.

That would be nice for a holiday.

And the Pencil Museum in Keswick.

Our question editor has been there.

He went to see the longest

coloured pencil in the world.

-I've seen it from the outside.

-He went alone.

He goes most places alone.

I have a feeling it was closed at the time.

They close it when our

question editor's going in.

You know, like when Michael Jackson

used to go round Harrods.

There's that guy from Only Connect.

Close the Pencil Museum.

Prepare the pencils.

Taverners, what would you like?

We'll go for Twisted Flax, please.

Twisted Flax. Ah. It's the music question.

What connects these musical clues? Here's the first.

# In the heat of the day down in Mobile Alabama... #

-It's Chuck Berry.

-Chuck Berry.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Next.

# When we finally kiss goodnight

# How I'll hate going out in the storm... #

Going out in the storm.

It's Let It Snow.

-Yeah, it's that, isn't it?

-Yeah.

Next.

# Yeah, yeah, oh... #

-I don't know what this is. Do you want the next one?

-Yeah.

-Next.

-# The snow glows white... #

-Snow.

-Yeah.

-Snow.

We're going to say snow.

I'm afraid that is not the connection between all four clues.

So I'm going to throw it over

to the Bardophiles

for a possible bonus.

Ice and snow. Frozen.

Do you think if it was ice and snow

I would have not given it to

the other team when they said snow?

I would hope you would have given them the benefit of the doubt.

That would have been very cruel. No, you did hear Let It Go from Frozen

and Let It Snow from Dean Martin.

The other ones, though, Let It Be,

and Let It Rock, Chuck Berry.

It's just the titles. Let It Be. That was Ferry Aid.

It was a cover after the Zeebrugge Ferry disaster.

That's not about ice and snow.

And Let It Rock, I don't think was

about that particular sort of rock.

So no points there.

But, Bardophiles, you may choose a question.

-Eye of Horus, please.

-The Eye of Horus.

What is the connection between these clues? Here is the first.

Is there any other...?

Next, please.

Alsatian.

Well, obviously it's a dog and it's a region.

-Yes. Next?

-Next.

-Next, please.

-Liberty cabbage?

-Named after something.

Betjeman couldn't have been named after something, could he?

Next, please.

Windsor.

-There's Windsor soup. Windsor knot.

-Windsor Castle.

Three seconds.

Castles?

Not the answer, I'm afraid.

Taverners, do you want to have a go

for a bonus point?

Yes, I believe they are things that were re-named

to avoid association with Germany.

That is exactly right.

Talk me through those clues.

So, I'm assuming John Betjeman's family name

is something more Germanic-sounding, I don't know.

-It's Betjeman, but it had another N.

-Oh. OK. So German, yeah.

-Alsatians were German shepherds.

-Mm-hm.

-Liberty cabbage is sauerkraut.

-That's right.

-And Windsor was Saxe-Coburg Gotha.

-That's absolutely right.

They all changed or had their names

changed during the First World War

to avoid associations with Germany.

Well done, you get a bonus point and the choice of a question.

-Dean?

-Water Wall?

-You may have the Water Wall later in the programme,

but for now the Water question. These are going to be picture clues.

What connects them? Here's the first.

-OK, that's Rodney.

-Yeah.

Next.

Phil.

I can't remember his name.

-Next?

-Yeah. Next.

He's a commentator, isn't he?

-Yeah.

-Is that Dickie Bird?

-No, that's not Dickie Bird.

He is a commentator. I think we're going to need the last one.

Next.

That's very much the wrong era for us, isn't it?

-This is so...

-Is that what's-he-called from Fun House?

-So... Related to pigs?

-Trotter?

Then why wouldn't it be both of them?

-That's true.

-We're going to say the link is...

..pigs.

And why would that be?

Well, we've got Rodney Trotter.

And then a bunch of people.

Pat Sharp! Is that Pat Sharp?

I love you.

You don't know who any of these people are, do you?

Pat Sharp?!

It's not Pat Sharp. Bardophiles,

would you like to have a go?

Yeah, we think it is that they all have diminutives that end -ers.

So, Rodders, Tuffers, Johnners and Cheggers.

They all use what is called by

slang lexicographers the Oxford -ers

Because it started

among Oxford undergraduates.

Oh, is that what it's called?

So you'd be sort of Reillers and Gibbers.

Yes, Rodders, Tuffers,

Johnners and Cheggers.

Well, you get the bonus point, Bardophiles,

and you get the last question

-of the round. The Lion question.

-OK.

What is the connection between these clues? Here is the first.

-I don't know who that is.

-I recognise the name.

Next, please. Griff Rhys Jones.

He came in late on Not The Nine O'Clock News.

Next, please.

I do know Carl Reiner, I just can't think who it is.

-Do you want the last one?

-Yeah, go for the last one.

-Next, please.

-Kim Appleby.

-I think they are replacements.

We think they are replacements for people who had to drop out

of the original line-up.

Not the answer, I'm afraid.

So, Taverners, do you want to have a go?

Yeah, I think they're all partnered with Mels.

That is what it is. Tell me who

you know from the line-up.

Carl Reiner and Mel Brooks used

to do a lot of comedy together.

Griff Rhys Jones and Mel Smith.

Sue Perkins and Mel Giedroyc.

And I'm not sure who Kim Appleby is.

Probably slightly before your time,

that was a musical duo, Mel and Kim.

Funnily enough, they sang on

Let It Be, the charity single

we heard earlier.

And that knocked their own hit, Respectable,

off the number one spot.

So, all form double acts with Mels.

You get the bonus point.

That means, at the end of Round One, the Taverners have two points

and the Bardophiles have four.

Round Two is the sequences round.

The teams need to tell me what comes forth in a sequence.

Taverners, you'll be going first again.

So, which hieroglyph this time?

Can we have the Lion, please?

Yes, you can. OK, the first in the sequence is coming up.

What would you expect to see in fourth place? Time starts now.

OK, the border district.

This is... Could it be Austria?

It's not that at all.

Next.

East Saxons?

OK, so it is...

They're the names of what the counties mean.

The meanings of the name of the counties.

I think we're going to need the third one to get it.

-We need the third one.

-Next. People of the South. So, Essex, Sussex.

So...

So, which way are we going?

So, where do we think it will be?

-Three seconds.

-You think it's Kent?

So... Well, I actually think it will be Norfolk.

So let's go People Of The North.

Is the right answer. Very well done.

Tell me what we're looking at.

So, I think they're the etymology of county names.

That's right. Which counties?

Suffolk is People of the South,

Norfolk, People of the North,

Essex presumably is East Saxons,

which means the border district must have probably March...

-Kent.

-Kent!

-Well, there you go.

-Yes.

The Cantiaci people lived there.

That would have been an easier clue,

but People Of The North would be

the fourth one, well done.

Bardophiles, what would you like?

-Water, please.

-Water.

What would come forth in this sequence? Here's the first.

Next, please.

-Any idea?

-There's McConnell Street.

Next, please.

-Oh, OK.

-In that case, it's...

-Nicola Sturgeon?

-Yeah.

Sturgeon?

Is the right answer.

Very well done. What's this?

Leaders of the SNP.

It's Scottish First Ministers.

-Scottish First Ministers.

-Yeah.

Scottish First Ministers in chronological order.

And Nicola Sturgeon would be fourth.

Nicola Sturgeon, last year,

was given an impromptu

Scottish Heritage quiz by the BBC.

She was asked to identify

the three Js associated with Dundee.

-Let's hear them.

-Jute?

-I just made something up.

-No, I mean, it is! Jute is one of them.

Oh, is it? Oh! Well, there you go.

-Used to make rope.

-Jam?

Jam is another one. Don't worry, you're doing well.

When they tried this on me, I guessed Jews and Jaffa Cakes.

Very wrong. Jute, jam and...?

And...

-Jewellery?

-Not jewellery, journalism.

Home of the Dundee Courier, of course.

And DC Thompson, they're in Dundee, aren't they?

I think the BBC should do

more impromptu quizzes.

Just all the time.

In the middle of other programmes.

Suddenly, in the news, quiz time!

Very well done.

Sturgeon is the answer.

Back to you, Taverners, for a choice.

-So, I'll go for Eye of Horus, please.

-The Eye of Horus.

What will come forth in this sequence? Here's the first.

-Go for a run.

-Yeah, but it's before something.

That's true.

-We're going to need another one.

-Next.

DU...?

So it sounds like it's exercise advice.

-Maybe it's a song.

-Need another one?

-Yeah. Next.

Oh, so it's triathlon. So, to get the...

What's the forth?

Quad... No, it would be a Tetra.

-Tetra.

-And what do you add for a Tetra?

So, we're going to say Tetra...

colon...

You're already wrong, I'd just like

to hear how you finish the sentence.

OK. In which case, and also boxing.

I'm afraid that's not the right answer.

So bonus chance for you, Bardophiles.

Well, the number is pedwar, we think, which is Welsh for four.

But any thoughts on what the other bit might be?

-Shoot?

-Shoot.

I'm afraid that's not it either.

It really is quad.

It's quadrathlon.

You're making a duathlon

by adding cycling to a run.

A triathlon to add swimming.

And to make a quadrathlon,

-you add kayaking.

-Oh!

-Right.

That's what it would be.

So no bonus point, Bardophiles,

but you may choose a question.

-Oh, Horned Viper, please.

-The Horned Viper.

What would come forth in this sequence? Here's the first.

Next one?

Next, please.

-Ah, changing names.

-Has it changed its name again?

-It did, yeah.

-Has it changed its name back and forth?

Yes, I think it has, actually.

So do you think we should go...?

-Yeah, do you want to go for that, then?

-Yeah.

-I'm happy to go for that.

-Yeah.

-I think it is.

Central African Republic.

No, I'm afraid that's not the answer.

Not the answer, I'm afraid.

Never as strong a guess here

as it is in other places.

I'm going to show the third

in the sequence to the Taverners

for a possible bonus point.

Simon, name an African country, please.

Zimbabwe.

No, it isn't.

These three things we are looking at

-are all the same country.

-Yes, yeah.

You know the answer would be now?

It should be Democratic Republic of Congo again.

No. It's Belgian Congo.

Currently this place is known as

the Democratic Republic of the Congo,

but we're going back in time.

Before then it was

the Republic of Zaire.

Before then Democratic Republic of the Congo again.

Before that, Republic of the Congo,

which is now a different country completely.

And before that, Belgian Congo.

No points for anyone there.

Taverners, you may choose a question.

-The Twisted Flax, please.

-Twisted Flax.

What will come forth in this sequence? Here's the first.

-Zulu uniform.

-Oh, ZU, infinity alphabet.

Yeah. I'm not sure what the next one is.

Yeah, so we'll need another one at least. Next.

So, ME.

Oh, Zulu ends in U.

-Uniform.

-And Mike ends in Echo.

So, O would be Oscar Romeo.

-Then Oscar Romeo again.

-Yeah.

Oscar Romeo.

Is the right answer. The next

two clues are both Oscar Romeo.

Excellent. Very well done.

What's going on in this question?

So, they're native phonetic alphabet words

and the end of the previous one gives you the next one.

So Zulu ends in U, so you get uniform.

-Uniform ends in M, Mike. Echo.

-That's right,

you're picking up the last letter

at the end of it and making the next

NATO letter.

Well done, three points.

Bardophiles, you get the last question. The Two Reeds.

These are going to be picture clues.

What would you expect to see in the last picture? Here's the first.

So, it's taramasalata. And an olive.

Next, please.

-Is that Bananarama?

-Yes.

Next, please.

That's the GCHQ.

-No, it's not. It's in Australia.

-Oh, is it?

-Panorama or something.

Panorama? A panorama?

I'm afraid that does not work

in the sequence.

So, Taverners, you've got the chance

of a bonus point.

-Banana.

-I would take banana.

Or indeed Canada,

which is what we chose.

You're right, it is about the letters.

Every second letter is an A.

Taramasalata has six As.

-Bananarama, five As.

-Right.

Maracana, four As.

So I want something where

every second letter is an A

and there are three of them.

So Canada or banana.

Panorama, you've got a rogue O

going on in the middle there.

That's your problem.

So, Taverners, you get the bonus point there.

And that means that at the end of Round Two,

the Bardophiles have six points,

the Taverners have eight.

Time now for the Connecting Wall,

and it's going to be the Bardophiles' turn to go first.

So you have a choice - Lion or Water?

-Lion, please.

-The Lion Wall. You have 2.5 minutes to solve it.

Starting now.

Computer type of thing.

-French. Dijon.

-Yes.

-Things to do with pigs.

-Winnie the Pooh, potentially?

Piglet, Acorn, Hums.

He liked that.

BUZZ

Honey?

Honey, Acorn.

BUZZ

BUZZ

Right. Does anybody know what T-slot is?

I don't know, no.

Because I think it's...

-Yes.

-Might be valves.

Butterfly valve, a Flange.

Yes, could be. We've also got mustard.

Dijon mustard, French mustard.

White mustard, I think.

So, things that we wouldn't fit in

so far is definitely Judas.

-Air.

-There might be an Air valve.

-Oh, yes, that's true.

Beer.

I've never heard of a Glasgow valve, but there may well be.

Judas and Beer. I'm going to start there.

Let's try our mustards.

You've got a minute left.

BUZZ

BUZZ

BUZZ

BUZZ

-BUZZ

-OK, go for the mustards.

Try our mustards, then.

BUZZ

Right, OK.

Three strikes now and 30 seconds.

So, go back to the valves.

-That's got to be a valve.

-Yes.

-Butterfly valve.

-Yes.

-Wing valve?

-Yeah.

BUZZ

BUZZ

Glasgow.

That's it. You've had your goes and the wall has frozen.

So, two points for the groups you found.

And what about the connections?

The first blue group, Condensed Milk, Honey, Piglet, Hums.

-Winnie the Pooh.

-All things that Winnie the Pooh likes.

And the green group, starting Beer.

-Types of mustard.

-Beer, White, French, Dijon mustards.

And you could still get points for the connections of the groups you

didn't find. So, let's resolve the wall. There you go.

What about this next group? Flange, T-slot, Wing, Acorn.

I think they're all valves. Different types of valves?

You're close, but that's not it. Nuts. They're nuts in hardware.

And the turquoise group, starting Glasgow.

Yeah, kisses.

They are kisses. The Glasgow kiss - not the nicest sort.

So, two points for the groups you found

and three for the connections. That's a total of five.

We're going to bring in the Taverners now

and give them the other Connecting Wall, the Water Wall,

and see what they can do about solving it.

Two and a half minutes, of course, to solve the Water Wall.

Starting now.

All right. So, what have we got?

-We've got comedians.

-We've got Gervais, Merchant...

Yeah. Freeman. They're all involved with The Office, in fact.

-Captain Blood, Captain Haddock.

-Captain Scarlet.

Captain Jack.

-BUZZ

-There'll be a few others.

Captain America.

-Yeah.

-So, do you want to cycle those?

Otherwise, we have...

BUZZ

Phoebus, Phoebus.

That's ringing a bell.

-BUZZ

-No, none of those?

OK. Gervais, Freeman, Davis, possibly.

-Merchant, do we think?

-BUZZ

Crook. Mackenzie Crook.

Yeah, OK.

-So.

-Bottle.

Bottle bank.

Merchant bank. Blood bank.

-Memory bank?

-Yes.

-OK.

-Three strikes and you're out now.

So we've got the captains, we think.

Captain Jack, maybe.

Ralph, Piggy, Phoebus.

-Piggy!

-Piggy!

-They're in that book.

-Lord Of The Flies.

-So, Ralph, Roger,

Piggy and Jack are all in Lord Of The Flies.

So, Captain Phoebus?

-Let's assume he's a captain.

-Let's go with him.

You solved the wall.

Very well done. What about the connections?

Davis, Freeman, Crook, Gervais.

So they're all involved in the making of The Office.

They're all actors from comedy show The Office.

-The green group - Blood, Bottle, Merchant, Memory.

-Banks.

You can put bank after all of them.

Blood bank, Bottle bank, Merchant bank, Memory bank.

And the next group - Ralph, Roger, Piggy, Jack.

They are all in Lord Of The Flies.

They are all in that book. Yes, that's absolutely right.

Well done. And the last turquoise group.

Scarlet, Haddock, America, Phoebus.

They're all fictional captains.

They're all captains. So, all the groups and all the connections.

That is a maximum of ten points.

That's have a look at the overall scores.

The Bardophiles have 11 points, the Taverners have 18.

Time now for Round Four, the missing vowels round,

where the teams have to identify the clues from which we have

removed vowels and re-spaced consonants.

Fingers on buzzers, teams.

I can tell you that the first group are all...

-Taverners.

-James Bond?

Correct.

-Bardophiles.

-Indiana Jones?

Correct.

Bardophiles.

Babar.

I'm afraid you'd need some Rs for that. Taverners, do you know?

Bob?

No, it's Boo-Boo, the bear. Next clue.

Bardophiles.

Pinocchio.

Correct. Next category...

Taverners.

-Bring Me The Head Of Alfredo Garcia.

-Well done.

-Taverners.

-Eyes Wide Shut.

Yes, it is.

-Bardophiles.

-Cool Hand Luke.

Correct.

-Taverners.

-Nil By Mouth.

Correct. Next category...

-Bardophiles.

-Hercules The Lion.

At Aston Villa, correct.

-Taverners.

-Zizi The Owl?

I'm afraid not. No, you lose a point. Bardophiles, do you know?

-Ozzie The Owl.

-Ozzie The Owl from Sheffield Wednesday.

Next clue.

-Bardophiles.

-Scrumpy The Robin.

Correct, from Bristol City.

END OF GAME JINGLE

No time for another one

because the bell has gone for the end of the quiz.

And I can tell you that the winners, and through to Round Two

with 21 points, are the Taverners.

Very well done.

And in second place, with 16 points,

it's the Bardophiles.

Good news for you there, Taverners,

you're through.

You may want to see where you are on the diagram at this point.

I can tell you that you will now be moving to here,

which seems to be L1 cubed.

That's where you're going to be. And after that, who knows?

Bardophiles, I'm afraid you're moving off the diagram.

It's time to go home.

Because it's the end of the show, it's also time for me to go home.

Although, frankly, it's pre-recorded,

so chances are I'm already at home, possibly watching this.

And for all I know, you're here where I am now, in the studio,

on the Port Manor Road Industrial Estate in Splott, Cardiff,

making another TV show.

Which one is it? Is it Grandpa In My Pocket?

I love that show. Goodbye.