Detectives v Arrowheads Only Connect

Hello and welcome to Only Connect.

Now, before this series started,

I ordered what was described as a bumper pack of ghost-themed intros,

but not only have I just run out,

I've also just heard that the one I was going to do for tonight's

show has been stolen by an episode of Homes Under The Hammer

that's being broadcast for an old Jacobean manor house.

Well, this has thrown BBC introductions into total disarray,

not least because they're mainly a dating service these days,

and I've had no choice but to steal an introduction

from an episode of Springwatch that was meant to be an Easter special.

So, egg-scuse me, but I'm very egg-cited about tonight's show,

and that's no yolk.

I've finished. Let's meet the teams.

On my right, Ian King, a fund manager who once laughed

politely at a bad joke told to him by Nelson Mandela.

Tim Harrison, an English literature graduate who owns

12 acres of woodland where he's built himself a small cabin.

And their captain, Tim Hall, a former accountant and crossword

enthusiast who owns two sets of Joy Division oven gloves.

United by an affection for detection, they are the Detectives.

Now, you won your first round match against the Theatricals.

How are you feeling about this game?

A bit more confident than we were before that one.

Well, that should chill the marrow of your opponents,

who are on my left.

Sarah Lister, a fund administrator who has prepared escape routes

from her home in case of a zombie attack.

Hannah Hogben, a fire investigator who enjoys playing darts,

and shouts out the names of vegetables

to distract her opponents.

And their captain, Nick Lister,

a classics graduate who once served Jeremy Paxman a cappuccino.

United by a dedication to darts, they are the Arrowheads.

You beat the Wombles in your first heat.

What do you think is the secret to a successful Only Connect game?

Erm, I think consistent scoring and then cashing in on the wall,

where we've got the chance of ten points.

A very good way of doing it.

But nobody can cash in on anything...

Well, they can't cash in on anything cos there's no money,

no prizes, and it's all completely futile, but let's play anyway.

Once you're here... Round One, what is the connection

between four apparently random clues?

Detectives, you won the toss, you'll be going first.

-Which hieroglyph would you like?

-Can we have Lion, please?

I don't see why not. What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first...

THEY CONFER

Next please.

THEY CONFER

Next please.

These, I... These are...

THEY CONFER

Next please.

THEY CONFER

BELL RINGS

These are from Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

You want more, don't you?

VICTORIA LAUGHS I'm going to accept that answer,

but tell me a bit more.

Er, well, the cough-cough is obviously the, er,

controversial Coughing Major episode.

Erm, Henry II, I think, is the one on which Judith Keppel won

the first ever million pound prize.

And I don't know about the others.

They're all answers on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

-You are right, but they're also answers that won the million.

-Ah!

They are million-winning answers. What were the questions?

Obviously, Henry II, Judith Keppel,

who was married to Eleanor of Aquitaine?

What about Volt? Do you know what the question was?

Have a guess.

First electric vehicle?

Which scientific unit was named after an Italian nobleman?

Arlington, Million. Do you know what the question was there?

What is the first or the last race in the Triple Crown?

Actually, it's quite the opposite.

Which of these races is NOT one of the American Triple Crown?

And Googol, that was the famous one, Major Charles Ingram.

What is a Googol?

-One times ten to the hundred?

-The one followed by 100 zeroes.

John Carpenter, the first person to win the million

dollars in America, did something very memorable with his lifelines.

He had all three lifelines left,

and he used it on the million dollar question to ring his father

and say, "I just want you to know I'm about to win a million dollars."

Very cool. Very cool.

Well done, Detectives, for a point,

and, Arrowheads, what would you like?

-Er, Two Reeds, please.

-Two Reeds.

What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first...

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

THEY CONFER

Er, next.

THEY CONFER

BELL RINGS

We think these are names of the Gladiators

from the TV series Gladiators?

I'm afraid that's not the answer, so I'm going to show the fourth clue

to the Detectives for a possible bonus point.

-They're all Amazon.

-They are all Amazons.

Are your team-mates telling you off there, Nick?

-Yeah, cos that's what we told him to say. Never mind.

-Sorry.

Sharron Davies was Amazon in the TV Gladiators.

You didn't see that last one,

Jeff Bezos company, that is Amazon.

Penthesilea, one of the Amazons in mythology,

killed Achilles, and then Zeus brought Achilles back to life,

and he killed Penthesilea cos he was a bit mean. And Man-Killer?

-Do you know who that is?

-No.

In the Marvel comics, Marvel comic universe,

that's Amazon the supervillain.

Well done, Detectives, you get the bonus point,

-and what would you like?

-Can we have Twisted Flax, please?

The Twisted Flax. BELL RINGS

It's the music question.

That'll cheer you up, it's gone to the other team.

What is the connection between the clues?

You're going to hear the first one coming in now.

# I lost my direction while dodging the flak

# Oh, give me a hint or something

# If I could freeze time at the flick of a switch... #

Next.

# White river

# Thunder and war... #

-OK, shall we take another one?

-Yep.

-Next please.

# Workin' like a dog for the boss man

-# Whoa

-Workin' for the company

# Oh, yeah

# I'm bettin' on the dice I'm tossing

# Whoa

-# I'm gonna have a fantasy

-Oh, yeah. #

Next please.

# There's a sign on the wall

# But she wants to be sure

# Cos you know sometimes... #

Two seconds.

BELL RINGS

-Do we have a clue?

-Say Doomsday.

-Stairs.

Not the answer, I'm afraid.

Arrowheads, you've got a chance of a bonus point.

We think these are ways of going between floors or going up.

You were too specific. They are simply ways of changing floors.

What did we hear, apart from Stairway To Heaven,

obviously, that's stairs, what else?

We had Love In An Elevator...

-Mm-hm.

-..by Aerosmith, and it sounded like Bob Dylan?

No, David Gray, White Ladder.

And then The Chameleons, Up The Down Escalator, that was the first one.

So, yes, methods of changing floors, well done for the bonus.

Which question would you like?

-Er, Water, please.

-Water. OK, these are going to be picture clues.

What connects them? Here's the first...

THEY CONFER

Yeah, next.

THEY CONFER

Next.

THEY CONFER

Er, next.

Three seconds.

BELL RINGS No, the clock's run down.

So, Detectives, another bonus chance for you.

-We have no idea.

-No idea?

OK...

That first clue, the sports stadium, is known as Candlestick Park.

Second one is the Hitchcock film Rope.

The album cover you didn't recognise, the Beatles' Revolver.

And the last one, typographical symbol for a dagger. What are they?

Cluedo weapons.

They are Cluedo weapons.

Mrs White, the cook, has been replaced by Dr Orchid,

who's a sort of sexy scientist.

She's got a sort of sexy haircut, she's a beautiful young scientist.

I found it very annoying.

I understand changing a cook for a scientist, but so much younger?

You're a hot scientist, Hannah.

Don't you think it's annoying that in bringing in a scientist,

they had to have a sort of 22-year-old?

Why couldn't it have been frumpy, older scientist like Mrs White?

I suppose there aren't quite so many of them that have broken through...

-But there could be.

-..years ago.

I... I find it irritating, because they think they're doing

something so right-on by turning the cook into a scientist,

but they couldn't resist

making it someone sort of young and lipsticked and sort of beautiful.

Like those Hollywood films where someone would be, like,

a vulcanologist, the expert. There's a disaster,

there's only one vulcanologist who can help.

22 and doesn't wear a bra.

LAUGHTER

The world expert, often the way.

No points there, anyway.

But, Detectives, you may choose a question.

-Eye of Horus, please.

-The Eye of Horus.

What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

Orange, that'll be the crime fiction, I think.

Not sure. Next, please.

No idea what that is.

Next, please.

-Green.

-They're all green?

Green travel guide, green is crime fiction...

They're all connected by green.

Yeah. They're all green books, absolutely right.

You recognised the Michelin travel guide.

The restaurant one is red, this one's green.

Did you know any of the other clues?

We originally thought the crime fiction was orange,

-but it is green, isn't it?

-That is green.

Colonel Gaddafi's philosophy, it was a green book

that schoolchildren in Libya were supposed to read,

and slogans from it were pasted around the place.

Immunisation against infectious disease is the title of

a UK Government publication, otherwise known as the Green Book.

Arrowheads, you'll be getting the last question, the Horned Viper.

What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

Next.

That's seven days.

Is it dates between holidays?

No, because there's May, beginning of... End of May.

Next.

Just get the connection.

Next.

Two seconds.

Is it the dates of half-terms?

I can't accept that answer.

Detectives, possible bonus chance.

Is it the dates on which particular festivals can occur?

The range in which they can occur?

It's particular festivals, and actually, thinking about it,

they wouldn't be half-terms, because at least one of them

would be the full-on holidays. What are those festivals?

-There's Easter Sunday, and presumably Shrove Tuesday...

-Mm-hm.

Monday May bank holiday.

And the fourth clue is Thanksgiving in America.

They're the range of dates during which particular festivals can fall.

When do you think Easter Sunday was last on 22 March?

1953.

It was 1818,

and it won't happen again until 2285.

I look forward to that one.

That means, the end of round one,

the Arrowheads have one point, the Detectives have four.

Sequences round now, and Detectives, you'll be going first again.

So, which hieroglyph would you like?

Can we have...

..Horned Viper, please?

I don't see why not. You ask so nicely.

What would come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Does that mean anything?

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

Is it when the hands intersect...?

THEY CONFER

Two seconds.

11:57...

..45.

Not the right answer.

Arrowheads, you've got the chance for the bonus point now.

Is it 12:00:00?

It is 12:00:00. And why is that?

I believe it's when the hands

exactly line up, all three hands on a watch.

That's exactly what it is.

We're looking at the hour, minute and second of a clock or watch,

and this is when the hands would meet up.

I think it would be easier for people

if we demonstrated, wouldn't it?

So, 08:43:38, what are the hands doing?

They would be pointing down.

LAUGHTER

I don't know my left and right and I can't tell the time, so...

OK. 09:49:05?

-Ten to ten...

-LAUGHTER

Like that.

10:54:33?

I think it's that...

And let's see the last one.

LAUGHTER

That is the answer. Very well done.

Times when clock hands meet.

The next time it happens after 10:54

is 12 o'clock precisely. Well done.

So, the bonus for you and your own chance to choose.

Lion, please.

The Lion. What would come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

-Right, next?

-Yeah. Next?

THEY CONFER

Goals... Away goals...

Totals at... Shall we have another?

Can we go next?

-After this, it would be penalty shoot-out...

-OK.

Penalty shoot-outs.

Is the right answer. What's happening here?

This would be the way of deciding the outcome in a knockout

football match, for instance, a Champions League knockout section.

I think particularly a two-legged Champions League match,

because the away goals, obviously, that's relevant

when each team have played at home and away.

So you'd initially decide the winner on goals, then away goals,

if it was still the same, they'd have extra time,

and if not, a penalty shoot-out.

Detectives, what would you like?

Can we have Twisted Flax, please?

Yes, you may.

The Twisted Flax. What would come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

OK, this is...

Carnivores getting bigger.

Next, please.

These are the Big Five in game...

OK, what are they?

So you're going to have...

Elephants... Giraffe, elephant...

Is it going to be...?

Leopard, lion, buffalo...

..giraffe, elephant?

Giraffe, bigger than...?

Shall we go to...giraffe?

It'll be less than an elephant.

Shall we try that?

It's worth a guess.

We think it will be giraffe is less than elephant.

That may well be so,

but it's not the answer to this question, I'm afraid.

So I'm going to show the third in the sequence to the Arrowheads

for a possible bonus point.

Black rhino less than hippo?

That's not it either.

The black rhino is smaller than an African elephant.

Now, I think you knew the sequence, which is what?

-Big Five African animals.

-It's the Big Five,

it used to be game hunters were trying to kill them.

Now, they're trying to see them on a safari.

But the Big Five are leopard, lion, buffalo, rhino, elephant,

and we're going up in order of size.

Which question for you, Arrowheads?

Eye of Horus, please.

The Eye of Horus. What would come fourth in the sequence?

Here's the first.

OK.

Next.

Is that, like, the...

You know, like the subtitle of a...

..a book or story, where it's the diverse, tawdry, something,

something story of so-and-so?

-But...

-Shall we have the next one?

-Yeah.

Next.

I don't know, then. Lenya looks like Kenya.

THEY CONFER

Go for it.

Two seconds.

Smith.

That's a very good guess. I know you don't know the answer.

Detectives, do you want to have a go for a bonus point?

Brecht.

That's not it.

Now, what if I were to tell you that the answer is Brown?

-Does that help?

-No.

This is the kind of question, you'll just get it, or it's not.

-It's the song, Mack The Knife.

-Oh.

It's the victims, in order they appear.

Now, there's a few versions where Diver and Tawdry

are the other way around, but in probably the most famous,

the Bobby Darin one that was number one for a long time,

it's this way around.

Diver, Tawdry, Lenya, and the last victim, Lucy Brown.

Horrible. All about murder and victims.

You can be proud of yourself for not knowing that.

Who wants to dwell on such things?

-What about a choice?

-Two Reeds, please.

-Two Reeds.

OK. What would come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

Next, please.

OK, so what's the connection?

It's not chronological...

Is it something to do with the...?

Is it the years they came to the throne?

1603...

1603, was it James the...?

-I?

-I, was that 1603?

James VI in Scotland, James I of England.

03, James I and VI.

Correct answer. Very well done.

03, James I. What is happening here?

It's the year they were, they came to the throne.

That's right. It's years of succession.

So people that came to the throne when the century was at 00,

Henry I in...?

1100.

Edward VII in...?

1901.

Queen Anne in...?

-1702.

-Yes, exactly,

and then the person who came to the throne in a year ending 03,

1603, James I. Very well done.

Arrowheads, one question remains. The Water question.

Always seems to be left till last, the Water, I don't know why.

These are going to picture clues,

what sort of thing would you expect to see in the fourth picture?

Here's the first.

I don't know...

Next.

Is that Chris Hoy on the left?

-No.

-No.

Don't know.

I don't know who it is.

Next.

It's the finish flag.

Chequered flag... Is check...? Something check?

Is it chequer...?

THEY CONFER

Yeah. Go for it.

It's the best I've got.

Picture of 10 Downing Street?

For what reason?

That the preceding picture is chequered,

-so I believe it's Checkers, Prime Minister's residence.

-Oh!

That's really good, that's a really good guess.

It doesn't work for this, but it's a good guess.

Detectives, your last chance for bonus points.

-Do we have any idea? We have no idea.

-OK.

Your problem is you don't recognise the people in the second picture.

-It's Guy Ritchie...

-On the left.

-..and Guy Pearce.

The guys. In the first picture it's the band, The Nice.

Nice Guys...

..finish last.

Got a picture of James Last,

the composer and big band leader.

Nice guys didn't get that particular question. Unlucky.

At the end of round two, the Arrowheads have got...

The Detectives have six.

Time for the Connecting Wall, now, and Arrowheads,

you'll be going first this time.

So please choose lion or water.

-Er, lion, please.

-Lion. OK.

You have 2.5 minutes to solve this wall,

starting...now.

THEY CONFER

-I don't actually recognise...

-Try Bangla?

-Yes.

-That's good.

-Good.

Right.

-Hypnosis, willpower - are these ways of overcoming...?

-Oh!

-Smoking.

-Smoking, yeah, for instance.

-What's the last one?

-Patches.

-Oh.

Something else, then.

Is, is one of these things, like, marmalade...for curing your addiction, no?

Hot curries?

Maybe...

-OK. Um...

-Borrowed words, borrowed words from other languages.

-Ooh, yes.

-Vindaloo's... Palaver looks like it could be.

-Yeah.

Marmalade looks like it is.

Do you think fetish, or albino?

Would that be Latin?

Try that one.

Keep thinking.

Or hypnosis?

Hypnosis is, that's Greek.

-Oh, yeah.

-That...could be...

Three lives, now.

-Do we know what those are?

-So, we think these...

-Are for curing addictions.

-That's the four we've put together.

-What's the...?

-Madonna - I can only think of a singer.

Is there... Oh, there's Lady Marmalade,

and Madonna, were both...

Madonna, in the Beatles.

Lady Eleanor.

-So, Lady...

-I feel like, Lady Willpower.

-Yeah?

-Or Lady Hypnosis?

Yeah. Will we try Willpower first?

Have we tried, is Allen Carr not the person who invented...

-..the system or something?

-Possibly.

-Shall we try the willpower?

-Yeah. Yeah?

-Yeah.

Very well done, you've solved the wall.

And what about the connections?

Bangla and so on in the blue group, what's that?

These are all types of beer that you might get in an Indian

restaurant.

That's right. "Indian" beers, although not all brewed in India,

but they're Indian-style beers, very well done.

And the green group - fetish, albino, and so on?

They could be loaned words from other languages.

Loan words from what language?

Er, Hindi?

Not it. Loan words from Portuguese.

-Ah!

-Oh!

-I did need to hear that specific thing, loan words

from Portuguese.

And the next group - Eleanor, willpower, marmalade, Madonna?

-Can all be preceded by lady.

-That's right, they're songs.

Lady Eleanor, Lady Willpower,

Lady Marmalade, or Mar-mah-lard, perhaps, Lady Madonna.

And the last group - Allen Carr, gum, hypnosis, patches?

Ways of curing addiction to smoking.

That's right. You don't know Allen Carr?

Allen Carr wrote the book Easy Way To Stop Smoking,

and people go to workshops. That's how I stopped.

So, four points for finding the groups.

Three more for the connections. That's a total of seven.

Time to bring in the Detectives now, give them the other wall,

the water wall.

See what they can do about solving it.

You have 2.5 minutes. It'd be unfair to give you anything different, that's what they had.

Two and a half minutes, starting...now.

OK.

THEY CONFER

And prairie. Ooh, well done.

OK, dirndl is a sort of garment.

-Miniskirt.

-Hobble's a sort of skirt, isn't it? Dirndl, so it could be skirts.

-Pencil skirt, grass skirt, miniskirt...

-OK.

Pencil.

Cos hobble'll be...

Things which have blades.

-Helicopter.

-Razor.

-Sheffield.

Sheffield United are The Blades. What else has blades?

Blades of grass.

OK.

Three lives, now.

So...

-What's oy?

-Well, it's not a skirt. There's no oy skirt, is there?

-No, no, but what is an Oy, do we know?

-No.

So, it must be mini, pencil...

Must be hobble, skirt something.

Might be skirt,

so it could be gang, oy, prairie, young. At least three of those.

-Oyster, gangster, youngster.

-And?

THEY LAUGH

-Minister.

-Yes!

-Correct.

-So, so...

..that'll be ministers, and

the other one will be...

-..types of skirt.

-Looks that way.

And that's grasslands

-and that's blades.

-Yup.

And that's "sters".

And this is...

-Just do it.

-Go for it!

-Yeah.

-Skirts.

You've solved the wall!

Very well done.

What about the connections?

Starting sward, campo, savannah, veldt.

They're all sorts of grassland.

Areas of grassland.

And the green group - grass, Sheffield United, helicopter,

-razor?

-All blades.

All blades. Sheffield United, known as the Blades.

And what about this one? Mini,

-gang, oy, young?

-You can put "ster" after them.

Minister, gangster, oyster, youngster. Well spotted.

And the last group - dirndl, hobble, pencil and prairie.

We think this is ladies' clothing,

they're some sort of skirt or dress style.

Would you like to be specific?

-Skirts.

-Yes.

-They are skirts.

That was actually the first group you spotted!

Really good on the skirts.

Four points for finding the groups, four for the connections,

bonus of two, that is the maximum of ten.

Let's have a look at the overall scores.

We are now going to play the missing vowels round.

So, fingers on buzzers, teams.

The first group are all examples of...

Detectives?

Apples and pears, stairs...and stairs.

I can't take it. Arrowheads,

-do you know?

-Apples and pears and stairs.

That's right. Got to take your first answer. Next clue.

Detectives?

-Barnet fair and hair.

-That's right.

Don't know this one? It's Adam and Eve and Believe.

Next clue.

Arrowheads?

-Butchers' hook and look.

-That's right. Next category...

Arrowheads?

-Comparison.

-Correct.

Arrowheads?

-Cricket match.

-Correct.

Detectives?

-Pair of curtains.

-Correct.

Detectives?

The short straw. Yes, indeed.

Next category...

Arrowheads?

-Deimos and Phobos.

-Correct.

Arrowheads?

-Miranda and Oberon.

-Yes, it is.

Arrowheads?

-Hyperion and Titan.

-Good mooning! Next clue.

Detectives?

-Europa and Io.

-Yes, it is.

Oh, my goodness. No more categories.

The bell has gone for the end of the quiz, and I can tell you

that the winners, with 19 points,

are the Detectives.

The Arrowheads have 18!

Great quizzing in round four,

but not quite enough.

Still, you're not going home.

Nobody goes home now. You're here, probably, forever.

You're both through to some sort of round.

Well done, everybody.

I look forward to seeing you all again.

And thank you for watching.

It's been lovely growing older with you over the last half hour.

We'll never again be as young as we were at the start of this show.

Or at the start of the missing vowels round.

Or at the start of this sentence.

But we've kept our minds active,

haven't we, in a sedentary sort of way?

And now we're all, I would estimate,

between 28 and 32 minutes closer to the grave.

Could be worse! Goodbye.