Dandies v Escapologists Only Connect

Hello and welcome to Only Connect.

Before we start, I just need to deal with a legal issue that's arisen.

We've been contacted by lawyers representing

Antony Costa from Blue, demanding to know why

none of the questions in the series relate to him.

The letter was appended by a personal note to me

from Anthony Costa saying, "I mean, it's not like it's difficult -

"there's me, Costa Coffee, the Costa del Sol...

"I'm sure you can think of another one!"

So I'd just like to personally reassure Mr Costa

and all viewers, there is no bias against any member of Blue.

Playing tonight are, on my right, Oscar Powell,

a geology graduate who taught his mother's two-year-old godson

to recognise a picture of Saul Bellow.

Lewis Barn, who can type the names of every

country in the world in four minutes and 59 seconds.

And their captain, Jack Bennett, who was signed up to his school

swimming team despite the fact that he couldn't swim.

United by a talent for tailoring, they are the Dandies.

Now, you beat the Arrowheads in your last game.

How important is it to you to stay in the competition?

Erm, well, we've got used to being in Cardiff and, you know,

the scenery here, so we'd like to stay for a bit longer, if possible.

Well, it's worth it for that alone.

I hope you stay here for as long as possible.

You are playing tonight, on my left, Frank Paul,

an Arabic and Islamic Studies graduate who spent the night

on a hillside in the Pennines after losing his way on a hike.

Tom Rowell, a gin enthusiast whose stepbrother is also named

Tom Rowell.

And their captain, Lydia Mizon,

an American Studies graduate whose great-great-great-great-great-great-

great grandfather was Dick Turpin's twin brother.

United by a passion for padlocks, they are the Escapologists.

Now, you beat the Cricketers to make it through to this round.

Do you have any strategy in mind for tonight?

Erm, maintaining a fine balance between lateral thinking and panic.

That sounds like a perfect strategy for life in general,

if not the quiz.

Now, Escapologists, you won the toss, so you will be going first.

-Please choose an Egyptian hieroglyph.

-Horned Viper, please.

OK, that will be the first question of this game.

What do these apparently random clues have in common?

Here's the first...

THEY CONFER

Next...

THEY CONFER

Next...

THEY CONFER

-Maybe go to the next one.

-Is it for the left? Next...

Oh, the quenelle! Oh, what is...?

It's the gesture associated with that comedian,

the really offensive one.

-Oh...

-Two seconds. BELL RINGS

Offensive gestures in respective countries?

-They are all offensive gestures, that's absolutely right.

-Well done!

-Can you perform those gestures?

-I'd rather not.

I'm going to give it a go. I've got a list of instructions here.

The moutza in Greece -

extend five fingers in the direction of the person who's offended you.

None of you are Greek, I hope.

Five fathers, Saudi Arabia, OK...

Point your left index finger at your right hand and purse the fingers.

"Your mother's a...!" I can't say that on television!

Have you not come across this in your studies,

this Arabic hand gesture?

No, no, I... I had more civil interactions.

Idiota in Brazil - put a fist on your forehead and grunt. Ugh!

This may not be anything to do with the hand gestures,

they may just be having fun with me.

-And the quenelle, can any of you do the quenelle over there?

-No.

Isn't it...? You put your hand down or something?

It's like an inversion of a Nazi, it's up here...

Yeah, it's sort of down.

I'd like to apologise to viewers for all those terrible gestures!

It's purely factual, simply glossing the questions.

All offensive hand gestures, very well done.

-Dandies, what would you like?

-Lion, please.

-Lion.

What is the connection between these picture clues? Here's the first...

THEY CONFER

Next, please...

THEY CONFER

Yeah, next, please...

That's Alcatraz.

-Was it The Rock that it was nicknamed?

-Yeah.

Er, next, please...

Oh, yes, it is, yeah.

-BELL RINGS

-The Rock.

Is the right answer. Do you know what the first two clues are?

-Prince Edward Island?

-It's Newfoundland, is the first one.

-And then St Peter.

-It's St Peter, of course, yes, Petra the Latin, rock.

-And who was the fourth person?

-Dwayne Johnson.

Dwayne Johnson, known as The Rock.

Lewis, if you were a wrestler, what would be your wrestling name?

Maybe The Legal Eagle? That'd be good.

The Legal Eagle - that sounds good.

I could fly in from the roof, you know, with a massive set of wings.

I tell you what, if you make the final, we will make that happen.

-Excellent, thank you.

-Arrange the eagle wings and the strings!

-Back to you, Escapologists, for a choice.

-Eye of Horus, please.

-The Eye of Horus.

-I'm so sorry.

-BELL RINGS

-You did this to them before, didn't you?

-I'm so sorry!

It is the music question - what do these musical clues have in common?

Here's the first...

# It's very fancy

# On old Delancey Street, you know... #

Next...

# Mississippi... #

That is, er, Black Velvet by Alannah Myles.

Next...

# Every night when the sun goes down

# Just another lonely boy in town... #

Next...

# I was tired of my lady... #

I don't know. Oh, this is...

# If you like Pina Coladas... #

-What's it called?

-Are they all drinks?

BELL RINGS

-Alcoholic...

-Are they all drinks?

-Tell me something else.

-Cocktails?

They're all cocktails! Absolutely lovely.

What did we hear?

-Er, Black Velvet by Alannah Myles.

-Mm-hm, and what else?

-Er, Pina Coladas?

-Yeah. You didn't know the third one?

-Tequila Sunrise, the Eagles.

-Of course.

And the first one, Ella Fitzgerald, Manhattan.

Whisky with sweet vermouth and bitters -

and this is what they give me!

You know? This is what they... Just neat gin, nothing else at all!

-Dandies, what would you like?

-Water, please.

-Water...

These are going to look like picture clues.

It's not the picture question, it's just interesting clues.

What connects them? Here's the first...

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

What is a pass note? I don't know what that is.

Er, next, please.

-Eddy Shah.

-He founded the newspaper Today.

Oh, it's things like... Defunct newspapers!

BELL RINGS

Defunct newspapers?

Tell me a little bit more.

Yeah, and their founding dates or dates of publication.

I'll have to give it to you -

their birth and death appear on those tombstones,

so we see the day that they were founded and the day that they

went under, and what's that last one you didn't need to see?

-Er, the News Of The World.

-News Of The World.

The News Of The World, closed in 2011.

Can you tell me what the other newspapers are?

Eddy Shah was Today, was it? Erm, Alison Phillips, The New Day?

-That was The New Day, well done.

-Er, I don't know the other one, but...

It was the Sunday Correspondent.

All newspapers that closed.

-Escapologists, what would you like?

-Twisted Flax, please.

The Twisted Flax, OK. What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first...

OK, next...

Leopard is a sort of hybrid word, "leo" is lion and "pard" is panther.

-I don't know.

-Next.

Oh, are these kinds of, like, air kiss?

Next.

THEY CONFER

Two seconds.

BELL RINGS

Are they all to do with knots?

They are not all to do with knots, so, Dandies,

-you've got the chance of a bonus point.

-Measures.

-To do with measures of things.

-I need to hear something specific.

Measures of speed.

That's not it. The last one you recognise as knot,

which is nautical speed.

No, they are imperial units.

An American garden - what do Americans call a garden?

-Yard.

-A yard.

-A yard, a unit of distance, of course. Light kiss?

-Peck?

-Peck, exactly, so I'm sorry that nobody said, "Yes, please"

but there it is. Snow leopard, also called...?

An ounce, an ounce. So they are various imperial units.

Nobody spotted that one.

What would you like for your own question, Dandies?

Well, Two Reeds, please.

I'm glad it's that because that's the one I have to give you.

What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

THEY CONFER

Is it words that have been removed from things?

-Emmerdale Farm was originally...

-Yeah.

What could The Chronicles be?

Torchwood or something? No...

Should we go next or have a go?

D'you want to do one more?

-It's going to be that, isn't it?

-Go for it, yeah, if you want.

BELL RINGS

Erm, words that have been removed from titles -

original titles of things.

-Of what things?

-Of TV shows.

-That is exactly what they are.

What were those full titles before the words were removed?

Farm, Emmerdale Farm. I don't know the first one.

The third one is Eight Simple Rules, is that correct?

Eight Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter.

-Erm, John Craven's CountryFile, is it?

-Oh, my word!

You really are young!

-John Craven's Newsround.

-John Craven's Newsround!

Yes, goodness gracious me! Do you know what the first one is?

I was thinking of the Trollope series, but it's maybe not at all.

-Seinfeld.

-Ah!

-Ah!

-The Seinfeld Chronicles.

Emmerdale Farm, and Eight Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage

Daughter, and they dropped them.

After the actor John Ritter died, it just became Eight Simple Rules.

Do you know what the eight simple rules are?

Number seven I quite like - "If your pants hang off your hips,

"I'll gladly secure them with my staple gun."

And the last one - "Dates must be in crowded public places.

"You want romance? Read a book."

Do you read romantic books, Oscar?

Er, probably...

I did once actually accidentally read Victoria Hislop's The Island

because it's set on a leper colony, and I was going through

an obsession with leprosy at the time, it was in year eight.

I love that answer.

Is there any other show on television where a person would say,

"I was disappointed.

-"Turned out to be about love - I was hoping for leprosy."

-Yeah, leprosy.

That is a brilliant answer.

And that means, at the end of Round One,

the Escapologists have two points, the Dandies have six.

On to Round Two, the Sequences round.

Escapologists, you'll be going first again. What would you like?

Lion, please.

Lion. You'll be seeing the first in a sequence of four clues.

What is the fourth one? Your time starts now.

It's not the order in which they joined the EU...

Shall we go next just to check?

But I don't know where it could be going.

OK, next, please. Does that work?

I think the most recent EU member is Croatia, isn't it?

-If this is indeed what we want to go for.

-Do you think...?

How confident are you it's Croatia?

-Er, I'm pretty... Fairly confident it's Croatia.

-Bosnia?

Well, I don't know. Actually I read that about two years ago.

BELL RINGS

28, Croatia.

Not the answer, I'm afraid, so let me just show

the third in a sequence to the Dandies for a possible bonus point.

-So...

-We thought it was 28, Croatia, as well, so we'll go for...

Is it number of MEPs? Does anywhere have 28 MEPs?

No, that's too long, that's too long.

-The answer is 28, Malta.

-It's the population, is it?

Well, it's...

Sorry, it's actually not population, it's size of countries getting

smaller by surface area, and Malta is the smallest country in the EU.

It's just about size, and 28 and smallest would be Malta.

So no points there, but Dandies, you may have a question -

-what would you like?

-Twisted Flax, please.

-The Twisted Flax.

What would come fourth in this picture sequence?

Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

Next, please.

Next, please.

THEY CONFER

Two seconds. BELL RINGS

Got to go with something. Birds? Loads of birds?

-You're thinking of Hitchcock films.

-Yeah.

That's not what it is, I'm afraid I can't take that answer,

so, Escapologists, a bonus chance.

Er, it's not gods, is it?

-It's not gods, but why do you say that?

-Ah!

-They're parts of a theatre, aren't they?

-They are parts of a theatre.

-I was thinking maybe going up...

-But we're going downwards!

-Ah!

The balcony, then the upper circle,

that's what that second clue denotes, then the dress circle...

We're going down to the stalls.

You're unlucky, well done for spotting the connection

but not the right next in the sequence.

Nevertheless, I'll give you a question of your own anyway.

-Which one?

-Two Reeds, please.

-Two Reeds.

What will come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

One and two have both got Os in...

Next.

Two and three have both got Ts in, so four and five have both got...

No, so, it would be three and four.

So they'd be R, cos they've both got Rs in, and then four and five,

and they've both got Fs.

-Four-comma-five-colon-F.

-Yeah?

BELL RINGS

Four-comma-five-colon-F.

-Is the right answer. And why?

-Erm, these numbers both...

These consecutive numbers both share those letters.

That's right. If you write out one and two in letters, they share an O,

two and three share a T, three and four share an R,

four and five share an F.

Well calculated - you get those points.

-Back to you, Dandies, for a question.

-Water, please.

The Water question. What will come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

Do next please. Next, please.

Next, please.

THEY CONFER

BELL RINGS

Inside the Houses of Parliament?

Not the answer, I'm afraid.

Escapologists, do you want to have a go for a bonus?

-Er, on Mars?

-I can't accept it.

I love this question. I love this question. I love this question.

-Do any of you like crosswords?

-N-no!

Right, imagine these clues were all written out on one line.

If you look "in Bognor theatre" you will find the word "north."

Oh, north, east, south, west!

Between "large" and "asteroids" you will find "east".

"Inside a Swiss outhouse" - south.

And the last one, you'll see

it's written all on one line so you can spot it.

"Within Crewe station," you will find "west".

Hidden compass points within the words. I love that question!

Sadly, none of you got it right.

Which just makes me love it even more!

-Escapologists, what would you like?

-Eye of Horus, please.

The Eye of Horus. What will come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Next.

Next.

It's not... It's not the words of a...?

Rage against the dying of the light...

It's not, erm, The Star Spangled Banner?

"By the dawn's early light," something, something, gleaming?

-Something, something, fight?

-Gleaming...

What's the fourth line of The Star Spangled Banner?

Erm, something, something...

Two seconds. BELL RINGS

Is it "dreaming"?

I'm afraid it is not.

-Dandies, do you want to have a go for a bonus point?

-Erm...

-Teeming?

-That's not it either. You don't know the connection, do you?

-No.

-And you do.

-Yes.

-What's the connection?

It's the song about The Star Spangled Banner.

-Star Spangled Banner, isn't it?

-That's what it is.

Oh, say, can you see By the dawn's early light

What so proudly we hailed At the twilight's last gleaming

Whose broad stripes and bright stars Through the perilous fight

Oer the ramparts we watched Were so gallantly streaming.

"Streaming" is the word I wanted.

So, Dandies, one question remains.

Again it is the Horned Viper. What would come...?

BELL RINGS Ohh...

-What a treat - it's a music sequence.

-OK.

I'd like to know what sort of musical thing you'd

expect to come fourth.

The first one is coming in now.

# I wanna turn the whole thing upside down

# I'll find the things they say just can't be found... #

Next, please.

# Now everybody knows there's exceptions to this rule

# And don't be getting mad when we playing, it's cool

# But don't you be calling me out my name

# I bring wrath to those who disrespect me like a dame... #

Next, please.

# Unforgettable

# That's what you are

# Unforgettable

# Though near or far... #

Two seconds. BELL RINGS

Erm...

Don't know, erm...

They share their names with... Oh, the connection? No, don't know.

-I want to know what would come fourth in the sequence.

-Pass, sorry.

Defeated by that one, I don't blame you.

-Escapologists, d'you want to have a go?

-A song by Ace Of Base?

Is exactly the sort of thing you would expect to hear

in fourth place.

-What were the clues?

-Er, it was Jack Johnson...

-Mm-hm.

-Queen Latifah, maybe?

-Yeah.

-Ooh! Er, Nat King Cole, and then...

So it's jack, queen, king, ace.

Exactly so, something like Ace of Base, All That She Wants.

Sadly, we don't have that piece of music to play,

and it was something to do with the rights, we couldn't get it.

But the viewers will be wondering what is that song they won't know.

I think we could help them out.

One, two, three, four.

# All that she wants is another baby

# She's gone tomorrow, but

# All that she wants is another baby

-# Whoa... #

-Magnificent, magnificent.

I'll give them a round of applause for actually knowing

-the lyrics to the song, so...

-Yes, now you hear it, very well done.

And that means, at the end of Round Two,

the Escapologists have six points, the Dandies have six points.

Onwards to the Connecting Wall, and Dandies,

you'll be going first this time.

So, would you like Lion or Water?

-Lion, please.

-OK.

You have two and a half minutes to solve the Lion Wall -

starting now.

The Fog, that's a novel by James Herbert.

Lancashire towns, go for those.

Actually, I think Blackpool might well be a red herring for that,

-so if you see a fifth...

-There's swimmers as well.

What about Fleetwood?

Cos there's Fleetwood Mac and there's Mick Fleetwood.

Any other famous Micks, or indeed famous...?

-Any...? How d'you put Mac after...?

-I don't... I think...

Oh, John Bonham, he was the...

-Yeah.

-Was he a drummer?

-Yeah. Mick Fleetwood...

-Musicians, isn't it?

-Yeah.

Try Gillingham.

What groups do we have? Let's focus on them... No.

I'm just randomly pressing... Erm, there must be a link.

Yeah, go for those ones and we'll try and work out the rest of them.

-Oh, Keith Moon, yeah, from the Who, so it is...

-Oh, yeah, yeah.

We've not left out Fleetwood yet.

Leave out Fleetwood this time, and we'll try those ones.

Well, which others do we have?

So what are we thinking we've got?

We think we've got guitarists, we think we've got places in...

Er, swimmers as well, and there's going to be one more.

I think The Fog might be a novel.

Well, it was also, like, an '80s horror film, but...

Just going to...

Yeah, go for it, try as many as you can.

Erm, I don't have anything, really, sorry.

No, this is not looking good.

-Fluke, you can get flukes on a ship, anything else?

-Ten seconds.

I don't see anything else there. Oh, God, I'm just picking randomly.

Just try it.

So that's it, the misery is over.

Yes, it's a pair of horrible Connecting Walls this evening.

But you can get points for the connections,

so let's resolve the wall.

There you go - what is that blue group, starting Adlington?

-Lancashire towns?

-They're all places in Lancashire.

And the green group - Gillingham, and so forth...

-Swimmers?

-They are swimmers, they're Olympic swimmers.

And that pink or purple group - Headon, Judd, Fleetwood, Bonham?

Well, founding musicians of bands, or guitarists.

Drummers?

Yes, I'm afraid they are drummers, but that was your third go,

so I can't let you have it. They are all drummers.

And the turquoise group - The Fog, Moon, Ash, Fluke.

Yeah, we'll say novels by James Herbert.

They are novels by James Herbert! Very well done.

I own The Fog!

You found that somewhere in your mind, very well done.

You couldn't solve the wall, but you did give me three connections,

that's a total of three points. Could be a lot worse.

Time to bring in the Escapologists now and give them

an equally horrible wall, see if they can wriggle free from it.

You'll be getting the Water Wall, cos the Lion's been taken.

You have two and a half minutes to solve it, starting now.

OK.

-OK.

-Manchester or something... No, no, no, I don't know.

Greenwich, Glasgow, Manchester, Mull of Kintyre?

Lizard Peninsula.

Hamilton Peninsula?

Butterfly kiss, French kiss, Eskimo kiss, Glasgow kiss?

No? OK, so...

-There's Glasgow kiss as well.

-It's not working.

-It's fine. Er...

Right, so shall we try some more peninsulas?

-Is Kuala Lumpur a peninsula?

-Possibly.

Erm, butterfly? No.

Greenwich, never tried that.

Horns there - French horn, Post horn, Hunting horn...

Hunting horn, Fog horn, OK, good. OK, so...

Erm, what have we got?

OK, we've got kisses - Glasgow kiss, Eskimo kiss, Butterfly kiss...

Greenwich kiss, Kintyre kiss...

This is getting... This is getting silly.

Erm, OK.

-Is that OK?

-OK.

-Would that be a peninsula? Have we tried that?

30 seconds.

-Oh, lovely.

-Three lives.

So we've still got Glasgow kiss, Eskimo kiss, Butterfly kiss,

Lizard kiss?

Did we try Manchester? We did try.

Ten seconds, one life.

No, that's it.

But you found two groups,

and I'll give you more points for the connections.

Tell me about the first group - Post, Hunting, French, Fog.

-Horns.

-They can be followed by a horn.

And the green group starting Kintyre...

-They're like peninsulas.

-They are peninsulas, or peninsuli.

You didn't know Ards, Northern Irish peninsula.

You can still get points for the connections

in the groups you didn't find, so let's resolve the wall.

Manchester, Victoria, Kuala Lumpur, Hamilton.

They've all hosted the Commonwealth Games?

They are host cities for the Commonwealth Games, very well done.

And the last group - Glasgow, Lizard, Eskimo, Butterfly...

-They're kinds of kisses.

-Those are the kisses.

You'd never put "Eskimo" and "Lizard" in the same group,

but you found two groups, and four connections. That is a total of six.

Let's have a look at the scores going into the final round.

The Dandies have nine points, the Escapologists have 12.

We are going to play Round Four, the Missing Vowels Round.

Fingers on buzzers, teams.

The first group are all...

-Dandies.

-Epiphany?

Correct.

-Escapologists.

-Burns Night.

Correct.

-Escapologists?

-Australia Day.

-Yes, it is.

-Dandies?

-State of the Union Address.

Well done.

Next category...

-Dandies?

-Marty McFly and electric guitar.

Correct.

-Escapologists?

-Sherlock Holmes and violin.

Correct.

-Dandies?

-Schroder and piano.

Correct.

Escapologists?

Kermit the Frog and banjo.

Yes, it is. Next category - they're all...

-Dandies? ALL:

-Hallelujah.

Correct.

-Dandies? ALL:

-Encore.

Correct.

-Dandies. ALL:

-Amen.

Nice crowd chanting.

-Escapologists?

-Hip hip hooray.

Yes, it is. The next category...

-Dandies. ALL:

-Buildings and contents.

Correct.

-Escapologists.

-Public liability.

Correct.

-Escapologists?

-Professional indemnity.

Professional indemnity is the right answer.

Oh, my goodness, what a Round Four! That was so close!

Brilliant quizzing on both sides.

And I can tell you that the winners,

and still in the competition with 19 points, are the Escapologists!

Very close behind, with 17, it's the Dandies!

Very well done to you, well played. You have been a great team.

-We'll miss you in the competition.

-Thanks.

Escapologists, you're through, very well done.

We'll look forward to seeing you again.

And that is the end. My goodness!

Join me next time for another episode of the quiz that is

so clever that it spells "potatos" without an E.

But only if the connection is

"Words that have been misspelt by US presidents!"

Ah-ha! Goodbye.