Wanderers v Vikings Only Connect

Hello. At the beginning of last week's show,

I talked about the hardest logic problem in the world,

and some viewers have been in touch to say I didn't get it completely

right. In the original version, which was devised

by the American philosopher and logician George Boolos,

it's not three natives on an island, it's three gods,

and one always tells the truth and one always lies,

and one tells the truth and lies at random,

they only say "ja" and "da" and you don't have a translation.

So, just to clarify after last week's error, that's the gist,

three unearthly creatures sit, answering questions,

and it's not clear who they are, why they are there,

or what they are on about.

Let's meet the teams.

On my right, John Payne,

a politics and economics student who befriended a pig on a recent trip to

Nicaragua.

Richard Arthur, a geography and

geology teacher who was once found

sleeping next to a bass speaker in a nightclub.

And their captain, Sanjoy Sen,

a chemical engineer who was led away for questioning at the Che Guevara

monument in Cuba.

United by a love of long walks,

they are the Wanderers.

Now, in your Only Connect history,

you've beaten the Pedagogues and the Inquisitors

to make it through to the third round.

What are your feelings about Only Connect so far?

Gone well so far - two wins out of two.

But in both games, we've been really hauled in

on the missing vowels round.

So, we've been practising that and generally pressing buttons

-as fast as we can.

-What a waste of time, it's been cancelled!

-Oh.

-It hasn't, we'll be playing it at the end.

You are facing tonight, on my left,

Mark Oxley,

a physiotherapist who works for the Toulouse Rugby League team,

though he has never visited Toulouse.

John Wilson, a retail assistant who

dresses up as Father Christmas every

year. And their captain, Mick Lee,

a chemical engineer who has 83 former housemates.

United by a love of longboats,

they are the Vikings.

Now, your team has beaten the Geocachers and the Parishioners

to get through. What advice have you given your team-mates

about the next stage?

Well, we've looked deeply at the whole performance,

and I think what we need to do is answer questions correctly.

Well, how can you do that unless I start asking them?

So, Wanderers, you won the toss,

but you've decided to put your opponents in first.

Spotlight on you, Vikings.

Which hieroglyph would you like?

-Horned Viper, please.

-The Horned Viper.

What is the connection between these apparently random

picture clues?

Here's the first.

Robert De Niro, but he's in character.

Is that from Goodfellas?

So, Jimmy. Next, please.

-That's Carlos, yeah.

-As Dracula.

-As Dracula.

So, Dracula and Jimmy...

Goodfellas...

It's going to have to be next. Yeah, next, please.

-That's John Kettley.

-John Kettley Is A Weatherman.

Oh, and Robert De Niro's Waiting, right.

Um, they all feature in the title of songs.

Coming in after three clues, you get two points.

You didn't need to see the last clue.

Talk me through what we're looking at.

OK, Bette Davis Eyes.

John Kettley Is A Weatherman, by...

Tribe of Toffs, was that?

-That's right, yes.

-Yeah, solid.

Oh, is that Bela Lugosi?

Bela Lugosi's Dead.

Yes, the Bauhaus song, Bela Lugosi's Dead.

And there he is as Dracula in 1956.

And Robert De Niro's Waiting.

-By...?

-Bananarama.

Bananarama, that's right, yes.

The Bette Davis Eyes,

originally Jackie DeShannon,

but the Kim Carnes cover

is better known.

Very well done, well spotted.

Over to you, Wanderers, for a question.

-Eye of Horus, please.

-The Eye of Horus.

MUSICAL NOTE Ah!

This is the music question.

What is the connection between these audible clues?

Here's the first.

GERMAN OPERATIC MUSIC

Yup, next.

ROMANTIC SONG IN FRENCH

Next.

WHIMSICAL SONG HUMMED

# But if I know you... #

Next.

# Some of them want to use you... #

Sweet Dreams.

Given that ALL my dreams are sweet,

I will accept that answer.

Talk me through what we heard.

I know we had Once Upon A Dream.

Yeah, Once Upon A Dream, from?

-Sleeping Beauty.

-Sleeping Beauty, yes.

What's that based on, do you know?

Um, that song was based on the Tchaikovsky...

Yeah, Tchaikovsky's ballet, that's absolutely right,

the 1959 film Sleeping Beauty,

Once Upon a Dream.

And then, Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This, Eurythmics.

Yes.

And we don't know the first two!

Apres Un Reve, Faure - that was the second one,

sung by Barbra Streisand.

The first one, Elsa's Dream

from Act One of Lohengrin by Richard Wagner.

Vikings, what would you like?

-Lion, please.

-Lion, OK.

What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

These are children of...

Next, please.

No.

Next, please. Oh!

Right, so, are the bottom ones pets?

Charlotte's Web.

Charlotte's Web, yeah.

-It's Wilbur the Pig, isn't it?

-Yeah.

I think we need next. Next, please.

Two seconds.

Oh, right, it's players within a play, is it?

Characters in plays within a play.

Not it, I'm afraid.

Wanderers, a possible bonus point.

-No, we're stuck.

-No.

-Don't know it?

-Haven't got this one, no.

If I ever get a guinea pig,

I am definitely calling it Lenin.

But that's not what it is. It's to do with plays.

Tom Stoppard plays.

These are all characters in Tom Stoppard. That last one,

of course, Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Are Dead,

that's where Tom Stoppard takes the two minor characters from Hamlet

and puts them into his title.

Septimus, Thomasina, Plautus the tortoise,

that's from Arcadia.

Arcadia, where academics are researching old things.

James Joyce, Tristan Tzara and Lenin...

Travesties.

Travesties, it's based on the idea that James Joyce,

Tristan Tzara and Lenin were all in Zurich at the same time,

and they all meet in that play.

And the first one, do you want to have a go?

The Tom Stoppard play I haven't mentioned yet?

-Jumpers?

-It's The Real Thing.

Huge Tom Stoppard fans here!

Perhaps we'll put on a production at the end of the show.

No points there, then,

but, Wanderers, you may have your own question.

-Water, please.

-Water.

OK, what is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

Next.

Is this to do with Asterix, or something?

Next, please.

French versions of nursery rhymes.

-Go with that?

-Yeah.

French versions of nursery rhymes.

I need to hear something specific in this quarterfinal.

The original was in French, and it's translated into English.

I'm afraid that's not it, so I'm going to show the last clue to the

Vikings for a possible bonus point.

It's transliterations, so, it's phonetically, um,

nursery rhymes written in French.

Cos the last one is "pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker's man."

That's what it is - they're not translations,

they are transliterations.

If you translate these into English, it would be gobbledygook,

it would be "a small of a small".

But if you say them out loud...

Un petit d'un petit - Humpty Dumpty.

Et qui rit des cures d'Oc...

THEY LAUGH

Lille beau pipe.

And pas de caique, pas de caique, becasse, mane.

It's just nonsensical French words

that sound like the titles.

Here's one for you. Which nursery

rhyme would translate as,

"Queen, Queen, arouse the rabble,

"who use their girdles, horror, as pillow slips"?

-Shall I translate it for you?

-Ring-a-ring of roses?

-No.

-No?

Reine, Reine, gueux eveille,

gomme a gaine, en horreur, taie.

Isn't that lovely?

So, a bonus point to you, Vikings,

-and what would you like?

-Two Reeds, please.

Two Reeds. OK, what is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

-A lot of...

-Yeah! That's done it. Next, please.

Oh, um...

I mean, did these all lead to fights in Parliament?

-It could have done.

-Like actual fistfights.

Let's go next. Next, please.

Oh, originally they voted no and then... That's it!

Originally, the referendum was a no, but then they ran the referendum

again, it was yes.

Nominate.

When they first held the referendum to see whether the Colombian

government should do a peace deal with FARC, it was voted down,

but then they had another referendum and it was accepted.

I'm afraid I can't accept that as an answer,

and let's have a look at the last clue.

Possible bonus point to you, Wanderers.

2016 referendums.

Yes. Now, I'm afraid you went too specific.

In your last question, you weren't specific enough.

That's too much, it doesn't apply to all the clues.

They simply were referendums.

Some might say referenda that were held in 2016.

If I had to sum up what this programme is,

the fact that we go from Humpty Dumpty

to Italian constitutional reform in about 20 seconds.

So you get the bonus point that time, Wanderers,

and you get the last question of the round, the Twisted Flax.

What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

Odyle, Odyle...

Next.

Is it calorific, or something like that?

Uh, next.

These are all kind of fake scientific theories,

or something like that, that got debunked?

Go for it.

Are these sort of scientific theories that got debunked?

I'll accept that. Can you tell me anything else?

No. That's the only one I have, so, yeah.

These are the substances at the centre of scientific theories.

The last one, luminiferous aether,

that's an idea from the late 19th century

that light has to flow through something,

so there must be something in the air

that light can go through.

Do you know about any of the others?

-What's Odyle?

-It means nothing to me.

It's a sort of life force.

This was a scientific theory from

the 1840s that it causes electricity

somehow, a life force. Caloric was a

self-repelling fluid that explained

the flow of heat from hot objects to cold ones.

The third clue, do you know what that is?

That's when they didn't understand sort of combustion and oxygen,

when you burnt something, they thought it gained negative mass.

That's right, they thought that a substance flowed out of it,

when you burnt it, that it released a substance.

-Yeah.

-That's right. They are debunked scientific theories.

That means, at the end of round one,

the Vikings have three points,

the Wanderers have four.

And we flow like a fiery substance on to round two.

Vikings, you'll be going first again,

which hieroglyph would you like?

-The Eye of Horus.

-The Eye of Horus.

What might come fourth in the sequence?

Your time starts now.

Next, please.

THEY WHISPER

Oh!

Missed out the vowels.

-So it would be DLT.

-DLT.

-I think.

-Yeah.

-I think.

-Yeah.

-OK.

-DLT.

-Hasn't been an answer

on this quiz for so long,

but it is again now.

Coming in after two clues, you get three points.

Very well done. What is this?

This is the Greek alphabet, um, first four characters,

but with the vowels removed.

That's exactly right.

So, Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta.

We've taken out the vowels.

Wanderers, what would you like?

-Horned Viper, please.

-The snake for you.

What would come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Next.

Next.

So are these sort of stages of learning, or something like that?

It's going to be first something.

Philosophy or classics, or something.

It's worth a guess, isn't it?

-First and classics?

-Yeah.

First and classics.

Far from it, I'm afraid.

Vikings, do you want to go

for another bonus point?

-First religion.

-And why would that be?

Um, I'm already flailing, sorry.

I really couldn't give you any more.

The answer is 1st - Animals.

These are all comedy tours

by Ricky Gervais.

Any fans of Ricky Gervais over there?

No, but my hate for him would've...

I knew I recognised that for some reason.

He was asked on Twitter,

"How do you feel about the American Office being

"better than the British version?"

He responded, "Rich."

All Ricky Gervais comedy tours,

and next in the sequence would be Animals.

So no bonus points there.

Vikings, you may choose your own question.

Water, please.

Water. OK, what would come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Um... Right.

Yeah, it's... Next, please.

Are these books?

-Yeah, it looks like.

-Are these books by...

-The president?

-Of German...

OK, next, please.

OK, it's US presidents, so The Art of the Deal,

something like that, that Trump's written?

The Art Of The Deal, is that what it is?

-Just, just, just... Yeah.

-OK, well.

Please don't buy it, but The Art Of The Deal.

Is exactly the answer we chose ourselves.

What is happening here?

That's successive US presidents who've written books.

Who are those presidents?

Working backwards from Trump, um,

Obama, and um...

-George Bush.

-Yeah, Bush.

George W Bush, Decision Points.

And My Life, Bill Clinton.

Is that a very well known book, The Art Of The Deal?

You thought of that one and so did our question writers.

-Have you read it?

-I haven't, no.

No, I've made all of my deals without it.

What else might I have accepted as the fourth clue?

I mean, you could guess these.

Time To Get Tough, Making America Number One Again.

LAUGHTER

Think Like A Champion, Surviving At The Top, The Art Of Survival,

The America We Deserve,

The Way To The Top - The Best Business Advice I Ever Received,

Think Like A Billionaire.

I definitely do think like a billionaire,

and spend like a billionaire.

The only problem is

I'm not a billionaire.

Think Big And Kick Ass In Business And Life,

Trump 101 - The Way To Success,

How To Get Rich,

and the best of course, Golf Advice.

That's Golf Advice, he's written that one.

Very well done. Wanderers,

back to you for a question.

-Lion, please.

-The Lion question.

What would come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Next.

Oh, is it...?

THEY WHISPER

-Putney Bridge or... Putney Bridge?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Putney Bridge.

-I'm afraid

that is not the answer.

So I'm going to show the third

in the sequence to the Vikings,

for a possible bonus point.

Uh, yeah, The Finish Line.

SHE LAUGHS I'm afraid that's not the answer.

The answer is, unluckily for you, Barnes Bridge.

-Barnes Bridge.

-What's the sequence?

It's to do with the boat race.

That's right. They're timing points.

So in the Oxford and Cambridge University boat races,

they start with the

whatever you call

the front bit of the boat, the...

-Bow.

-Bow, is it?

The front bit, it lines up

with the university stone,

and as they row...

Do they row? They row, don't they, not sailing.

I'm not big on... I'm not big on boats.

As they move through the water,

they pass the mile post,

and you get timings for

where they are at those points.

But geographically,

Barnes Bridge is what you'd expect,

not Putney. So no points there.

Vikings, what would you like to boat towards this time?

-Twisted Flax.

-The Twisted Flax.

OK, what will come fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Luchsinger and Reiss, '56, um...

-They're German names.

-It could be

the first Eurovision Song Contest that was about then.

Yeah, actually. I think go next, please.

'53. When was Volare?

-I don't know. Possibly.

-Next, please.

OK, it's somebody who won in '50.

That's probably people climbing Everest, so say Hillary and Hillary.

Oh, Hillary. Beautiful.

-I hope that's right.

-We'll take it.

'53, Hillary and Tenzing.

And just give us a blast of Volare.

# Vo... #

The answer is Hillary and Tenzing,

1953.

-What's going on here?

-Uh, yeah,

these are people who've conquered Everest in those respective years.

Now, it actually isn't Everest.

They are all the first climbers.

It's different mountains, getting higher.

So, Luchsinger and Reiss, that's Lhotse.

The Swiss climbers first

to climb up Lhotse,

and then Kangchenjunga, Band and Brown,

1955. They were British climbers,

and it's said they never got

completely to the summit,

because they were respecting local

beliefs that you don't tread on the

snow at the top, but they got as close as you can.

So, who do you think these people are in clue three?

K2, presumably?

First people to climb K2,

and then Hillary and Tenzing,

the highest mountain, of course, Everest in 1953.

Well done. Wanderers,

one question remains for you.

The Two Reeds. What would come fourth in this sequence?

They will be picture clues - I want to know what sort of thing

you'd expect to see in the fourth picture.

Time starts now.

No. So it's not...

THEY WHISPER

Next.

No drinking. So this is like Wilson Smith, right?

Dogs... By animals, maybe.

-No pets.

-No monkeys...

-No dogs...

-Monkey's drinking.

Next.

Oh.

It's the pushing in the swimming pool.

-So, is it going to be...?

-I don't know.

Pushing a bicycle.

Oh, no. Drinking, bicycle...

Two seconds.

No heavy petting.

A picture of somebody kissing.

I love so many things about that answer.

I wish I could give you points.

I love it as an idea, cos it's brilliant.

I love it that the suggestion for illustrating heavy petting would be

kissing. It's all brilliant.

Unfortunately, it's not the answer.

Vikings, do you want to have a go for a bonus?

Uh, yeah, no smoking.

I'm afraid that's not it.

Let me tell you what would be in the fourth picture.

It would be a seesaw,

with an elephant at one end and a butterfly at the other.

Of course, that doesn't help.

What if I told you that the rules

being suggested by these pictures

are no animal shall sleep in a bed.

No animal shall drink alcohol.

No animal shall kill any other animal.

And I want to hear -

all animals are equal.

What is the sequence?

Animal Farm.

It is the Seven Commandments of Animalism,

in George Orwell's Animal Farm.

What happened to Animal Farm in 1944,

when it was sent in for publication at Faber and Faber?

It was published as a children's book?

It wasn't published at all. It was rejected.

TS Eliot, director of Faber and Faber, said,

"We have no conviction that this is the right point of view

"from which to criticise the political situation

"at the present time."

Nice guy, TS Eliot.

It was rejected, but then it was published the following year, 1945.

Animal Farm by George Orwell.

At the end of round two,

the Wanderers have four points,

the Vikings have ten.

I'm now going to invite the teams to make themselves comfortable up

against the Wall.

It's time to connect 16 clues into four groups of four.

You'll be going first this time, Wanderers.

Would you like Lion or Water?

-The Lion, please.

-OK.

Two and a half minutes to solve the Lion Wall, starting now.

OK. Those are computers there, so Acron, Oric, Apple...

-There it goes.

-Yep.

We've got fruit.

Apple. It's probably going to be too simple.

Should we try mango?

Go for it, yeah.

Mango...

Go for it.

Yeah, it's not working.

Harlequin, musical entertainers.

There's a word one.

There's going to be a word one.

OK, right, it's...

What's Bruce going to be? Who's...?

-English film star.

-Philips is a...

-There's two presenters.

-Yeah.

Shall we put some surnames in

and see what happens?

-CHUCKLES:

-OK, we'll do that.

Find another surname.

All right.

-Harry Lime. Harry...

-Harry...

Fionas. Fiona Apple, Fiona Phillips.

-Fiona Bruce.

-Nice.

-Very nice.

-Right, do you want me to go for it?

-Yeah.

-Oh, we got that one.

Three lives now.

-Right, so...

-What we got left?

What else is Rambo in?

THEY WHISPER

Is it a pronunciation thing?

Maybe there is fruit.

But there's an obscure one.

Harlequin could be a fruit.

Go for harlequin as a fruit.

We've now got limited lives.

OK. No, so...

There's wood.

There's a harlequin duck, is there another duck?

No.

Should we try some fruit again

and see, just try another one?

-Pick one.

-Rambo.

One more.

Is our bet fruit's a red herring?

CAPTAIN CHUCKLES

-Ten seconds.

-Do we go for wood already?

-Go for it.

-Nope. That's your three lives.

The Wall has frozen.

But you've found two groups on this very difficult wall.

Can you tell me the connection?

Acorn and so forth?

They're computers, I think, from the '80s.

Yeah, they're former computer brands.

And the green group - Shaw, Phillips, Bruce, Apple?

They're all Fionas.

That's right. Fiona Shaw, the actor, and you can still get points for the

connections in the groups you didn't find, so let's resolve the Wall.

Hello.

Mango, balsa, hive, Rambo.

Change one letter, they're a dance.

That's what we'll go for.

Very well spotted.

You change a letter, and they become tango, salsa, jive and mambo.

Really hard to see on the Wall.

Well done for seeing it there.

Hidden dances.

And the last one. Lime, avocado, and so forth.

Green.

They are all types of green.

So you found two groups and gave me four connections.

That is a total of six.

Let's bring the Vikings back now, give them the other Wall.

It's the Water Wall for you, Vikings,

you should be comfortable with that.

Two and a half minutes to solve it, starting now.

Let's cut out those design ones.

Yeah, I can see...

Ponder and Mull.

Um, da, da, da, da... Brood.

Woolgather.

-Oh!

-Right.

-Shipping areas as well.

-Fisher.

Lundy, Shannon...

Shannon...

-Come on.

-Three lives now.

John Quill is a sort of yellow.

It's also flowers...

Angus, Guernsey,

Jersey and Red Poll are all cattle.

What would be the other four?

Sounds like John Quill. Read, read.

-Yes.

-Ah, rows.

So rows works for John Quill.

-Yeah.

-OK. Rows, read, wight,

John Quill, and that's because...?

-It's a yellow.

-Is it now?

A John Quill's a bit like a daffodil.

Same colour. Similar colour.

-We've still got so time, so...

-Try it.

That's it! You've solved the wall.

Very well done.

So that's four points immediately.

What about the connections?

Ponder and so on?

Ah, well, that would be to think on.

That's it. All things you didn't really need to do during that Wall.

And the green group, starting Shannon?

-Did we say shipping?

-The shipping forecast areas.

Shipping forecast areas.

Shannon, Bailey, Lundy, Fisher.

And what about the next pink group, starting read or "red"?

They're homophones, or heterophones,

I'm never sure which is which,

of colours, red, jonquil, rose and white.

Homophones. Homo, the same, hetero, different.

And the last turquoise group, starting jersey?

Is it cows? Cows?

-Cattle breeds, yeah.

-Jersey, Red Poll, Guernsey, Angus.

Simply breeds of cow.

So that's four more points for the connections and the bonus of two for

getting it all right. That is a maximum of ten.

Very well done. Let's have a look at the overall scores.

The Wanderers have ten points.

The Vikings have 20.

So, a bit of a turnaround needed, but it can be done.

It's been done before. Lucky you've been practising.

Fingers on buzzers, teams.

I can tell you that the first group all begin with a soft C.

Wanderers.

-Celery.

-Correct.

-Wanderers.

-Cerebellum.

Correct.

-Wanderers.

-Coeliac.

-Good vowelling.

-Wanderers.

-Cipher.

-Correct.

Next category. Famous men given their wives' maiden names.

-Wanderers.

-William Middleton.

Prince William.

-Vikings.

-Denis Roberts.

Better known as Denis Thatcher.

-Vikings.

-Gordon Styler.

That's Sting, Gordon Sumner.

Correct.

-Vikings.

-Daniel Weisz.

Or Daniel Craig. Well done.

Next category. Commonwealth countries and their largest cities.

-Vikings.

-Nigeria and Lagos.

Correct.

-Wanderers.

-Australia and Sydney.

Correct.

Wanderers.

-India and Mumbai.

-Correct.

-Wanderers.

-Canada and Toronto.

Correct. Next category.

Films featuring Marilyn Monroe.

-Wanderers.

-How to Marry a Millionaire.

-Correct.

-Vikings.

-The Seven Year Itch.

Correct.

ENDGAME JINGLE

That's it. The bell has gone for the end of the quiz,

and I can tell you,

after a very impressive round four -

very good round for you there, John -

the final scores are Wanderers 19, Vikings 25.

So, Vikings, you are through to the next round.

Wanderers, you're also through to the next round.

A different sort of next round.

I'm still struggling with the concept, but no-one's going.

These are the quarterfinals. No-one's through to the semis yet,

and yet nobody's out either. Well done, everyone.

Very good quizzing. And that's it.

If this were a meal, we've had our starters,

our main courses and our puddings,

and as the last of the missing vowels coffee slips away,

all that remains is the bill, which is astronomical.

It's tens of thousands of pounds.

That's where the comparison sort of falls down.

Compared with having a meal,

a television programme is eye-wateringly expensive.

It's crazy money. It's ridi...

You'll have to split it.

Goodbye.