Meeples v Tequila Slammers Only Connect

Good evening.

According to Wikipedia,

the most common ghost sighting in England is Anne Boleyn.

Although I think that might just be people watching Wolf Hall.

Two fresh teams in contention tonight, and they are...

On my right...

Tom West, a solicitor who recently spent the entire day on a train

in order to attend a meeting at which only he was present.

Hugh Trimble, an English teacher

whose bottom appears on the cover

of the OL27 Ordnance Survey Map.

And their captain - Gail Trimble,

a classics lecturer who celebrated her 30th birthday

by dressing up as Catullus's girlfriend, Lesbia.

All big fans of board-game

figurines, they are the Meeples.

Gail, many of us will remember you from University Challenge.

Who are your team-mates for this quiz?

My husband, Tom,

and my brother, Hugh.

Do you quiz normally together as a team, or is it just for this?

If we ever get together, yeah,

but normally, you know,

Tom and I are watching this quiz

together at home and, yeah,

if ever Hugh and I are back with

our parents we do the same, so...

Yeah, it's a lot of quizzing.

Excellent. This evening you are facing, on my left...

Michael Tomsett, a PhD student who

has a cupboard in his home

entirely devoted to his collection of imported Mexican chillies.

George Ferzoco, a native Canadian

who used to work as a security guard

at Toronto's Garden and Museum of Ceramic Art.

And their captain - Roderick Cromar,

a charted accountant with a degree in engineering who is qualified

to drive a forklift truck.

United by a love of Latin America,

they are the Tequila Slammers.

Found any good Mexican restaurants in Cardiff?

Haven't had time yet, I'm afraid.

-Do you actually like eating Mexican food?

-Absolutely, yes.

Will you go in if there isn't a man outside in a sombrero telling you

the menu?

-I will not go in, no.

-Quite right. Quite right.

You won the toss, Tequila Slammers,

but you have elected to put your opponents in first.

So, Meeples, please choose an Egyptian hieroglyph.

-Eye of Horus, please.

-The Eye of Horus.

I want to know what is the connection between four

apparently random clues.

Here's the first.

Who's that? No, it's not the actor - that's Albert Finney, isn't it?

Other person.

Next.

-It could mean, like, baker of wurzels.

-Yeah, that's true.

Next.

-He invented the toilet.

-He did.

So is it something, like, what was named after them... Oh.

Like, that they invented a thing...

That sounds a bit like what their name...

-Yeah.

-Shall we go for that?

-Yeah.

-Yeah, why not?

-OK.

We think these people invented things that sound as

if they could have been named after them but weren't.

Are you a frequent user

of the wurzelbacher?

No, because it was called something else.

Cunning. But I'm afraid

that is not the right answer,

so I'm going to show the last clue

to the Tequila Slammers

for a possible bonus point.

-Wizards.

-Wizards?!

Talk me through the clues.

Well, I think what of them was known as the Wizard of the Dribble,

-and that's as far as it goes.

-Ah.

Now, I think that Stanley Matthews

was the Wizard of Dribble,

only because I've heard it in a previous quiz.

The key thing here is the nickname.

Sir Tom Finney was

the Preston Plumber.

All plumbers.

Thomas Crapper didn't

actually invent the loo.

People say that he did.

He sort of modified the design, didn't actually invent it.

-Clue two, nobody knows who that is?

-No.

From the American political event.

He's a conservative commentator,

and he... Yes, exactly.

He got caught up in an election campaign.

It turned out he wasn't a fully qualified plumber.

They called him Joe the Plumber,

but, I mean, who's

a fully qualified plumber?

Certainly none of the ones that have been through my house.

And Mario, of course, from the Mario Brothers, a plumber.

So no points there.

Tequila Slammers, your turn

-to choose.

-Two Reeds, please.

-Two Reeds, OK.

What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

THEY WHISPER

But what's the charging to do with? Next, please.

Breasts... Metaphors.

-Have they been compared to things?

-Are these symbols in paintings?

-No, no.

-Next, please.

Oh, these are things that bring you luck if you kiss them.

Next, please.

-Things that are rubbed.

-Yes, these are rubbed.

Those are statues. That's it.

These are things that are rubbed for good luck.

That is absolutely right.

Tell me about those statues -

where are they, what are they?

Well, presumably, the last one is the Lincoln Memorial in Washington.

Actually not the Lincoln Memorial.

Lincoln's tomb in Illinois.

It's got a sort of shiny gold nose

you can rub for luck.

And is the second-to-last one at Harvard University?

At the Harvard yard.

Yes. It's a statue marked,

"John Harvard founded this

"university in 1638." It's known as the statue of three lies

because people say that

he didn't found Harvard

and it wasn't founded in 1638 and the statue isn't him.

But other than that, it's perfect.

And Juliet's right breast - that's in Verona.

They say it's lucky for lovers

if you rub the breast.

And the charging bull's testicles? What do you know about them?

Is that the one in Wall Street?

Yes, it's in New York City.

You rub it for financial

good fortune. Very well done.

Back to you for a question,

Meeples, what would you like?

Twisted Flax.

The Twisted Flax. What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

THEY WHISPER

-Gastronomy, but...

-Next.

Are they magazines?

Yeah, they do sound like fake magazines or something.

-They do.

-Let's keep going.

Next.

Oh, like the...

Osborne book, or whatever.

Next.

Do they just, like, not...? Or not exist, or...?

They definitely sound like titles, don't they?

Are they all fictional magazines of this?

That's a very good guess,

but no, they are not.

Tequila Slammers, do you want to have a go for a bonus?

Is it something to do with translations of the word "black"?

I'm afraid that's not it.

You'll know this or not according

to how you watch television.

They are micro-genres on Netflix.

-Oh.

-If you have the Netflix streaming service,

you can choose these categories,

and you might watch, you know,

documentaries about wine production

in the first category

or hell-raiser stories in the second.

Episodes of Only Connect, I assume,

are filed under Cult Satanic Stories.

But, yes, categories on Netflix.

So, no bonus point to you,

Tequila Slammers,

but you may choose a question.

-Lion, please. Lion.

-JINGLE

Ah! It's the music question.

You'll be hearing the clues.

They all have something in common - what is it?

The first one coming in now.

# I don't want cos I just get

# All your slut heroes offer is a fear of the future... #

Next, please.

# You wave your hand and they scatter like crows

# They have nothing that will ever captured your heart... #

It's Tom Waits.

Next, please.

# You leave in the morning with everything you own

# In a little... #

Unusual voices.

Next, please.

# And when she knows what she wants

# From her ti-i-ime... #

-Uptown Girl.

-Is it Uptown Girl?

Songs with Girl in the title, or Uptown?

Songs with Girl in the title.

There are not songs

with Girl in the title.

So, Meeples, it's your chance

for a bonus point.

Um, they all have "town" in the title.

They have "town" in the title.

I heard you talking to each other,

I was wondering how I'd adjudicate

if you guessed singers with unusual noises.

I mean, Tom Waits and Jimmy Somerville really do,

but you might say that all successful singers do,

or they wouldn't be successful.

Now, you heard...

All have "town" in the title.

So well done for a bonus point,

and your chance to choose.

-Horned Viper, please.

-The Horned Viper.

What is the connection between these picture clues? Here's the first.

-Stan Lee, he's the guy that does Marvel.

-OK. Next.

-I don't know that.

-No, I don't know.

-No, I don't know that.

Next.

Um...

It could be another Lee.

-It's Stan Wawrinka.

-OK.

-I think they are all Stans.

-OK.

They're all called Stan.

I'm afraid they are not

all called Stan,

so I'm going to show the last clue

to the Tequila Slammers for another bonus opportunity.

They're all cameos, or they all appear as cameos.

They do not all appear as cameos.

You recognised Stan Lee

at the beginning.

-Stan Lee, Eric Bana...

-Oh!

Kyle Edmunds, the tennis player, and Kenny Everett.

-Stan, Eric, Kyle, Kenny.

-Oh!

South Park!

Characters in South Park

is what we were looking for.

They share their first names with South Park characters.

So no point there.

-One more question - Water. That's for you, Tequila Slammers.

-OK.

First clue coming in now.

THEY WHISPER

It's a kind of celebration.

Next, please.

St Malachi...

THEY WHISPER

Next, please.

Political parties or...

It means the party of something?

The party of the people, the army of the people.

Next, please.

These things have the same logo.

They all have the...

-Shamrock.

-Yes.

They all have a shamrock as a logo.

They do not,

although I love the idea of

an archbishop having a logo.

But they do not.

Good guess, though.

Meeples, a last bonus chance this round.

Are they things that operate as one unit in both Northern Ireland

and the Republic of Ireland?

They all operate

on an all-Ireland basis.

What can you tell me

about these clues?

Uh, well, the Irish national rugby team does, there's only one of it.

Well, it's unusual - it doesn't

-apply to all sports, does it?

-No.

-Some sports...

-Not football.

..you have to be in Northern Ireland or the Republic of Ireland.

Rugby - they choose to play together.

Sinn Fein, obviously, all Ireland.

Archbishop of Armagh,

in both Catholic and Protestant

traditions, that guy -

not the same guy, there's two of them -

but they are primate of all Ireland

in that role.

And the Fleadh Cheoil, it's

an all-Ireland music festival where

there's qualifying competitions

in both the North and the South,

and sometimes the final is held in

the North, sometimes in the South.

It's all-Ireland. Well done for the bonus.

That means, at the end of Round One...

On to Round Two,

the sequences round, where the teams may see a maximum of three clues

before telling me what comes fourth.

You'll be going first again, Meeples.

-So, which hieroglyph would you like?

-Lion, please.

First in a sequence of six Round Two questions will be this one.

First clue coming in now.

That has no...

Anything pretty much. Next.

It has three sides, trapezium has four sides.

One... Everything has got a centre of gravity.

-It's not one parallel...?

-Pair of parallel lines?

-Shall we try one more?

-Yes.

Next.

Yes, that's it. Yep. Of course. Yeah, exactly.

So, what has three? Hexagon.

Yeah.

Nought, one, two, three.

Hexagon, three.

-You're right.

-Regular hexagon.

-I'd love to hear something else.

A regular hexagon, 3!

And why is that?

It's pairs of parallel lines in these shape.

That's absolutely right.

Pairs of parallel sides.

A triangle has none, of course.

A trapezium, one.

A parallelogram, we're going upwards,

and a regular hexagon has

three pairs of parallel sides.

I'd also have accepted irregular nonagon.

Although I'd have thought less of you for offering that answer,

but I would have taken it.

Tequila Slammers, what would you like?

-Two Reeds, please.

-Two Reeds.

What would come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

King... Next, please.

THEY WHISPER

Next, please.

Were they succeeded...?

Were they succeeded by people that weren't their sons?

-Or that were their sons?

-Or brothers?

Were they succeeded...?

I'm going to go for...

Queen Victoria.

Not the answer, I'm afraid,

so a bonus chance for you, Meeples.

Edward VII.

That's not it either.

The answer is Edward VIII.

Now, what were you thinking over there, Slammers?

Something to do with the way the succession occurred.

With brothers.

It's not just brothers.

These monarchs were all succeeded

by people who were not

their children.

So George II was succeeded

by his grandson,

George IV by his brother,

William IV by his niece -

that was Queen Victoria -

and the next would be Edward VIII,

succeeded by his brother.

Monarchs succeeded by people

who are not their offspring.

Meeples, what would you like?

-Water, please.

-Water, OK.

What would come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

Nothing? Next?

Oh, it's brothers, it's the Durrell family. Margo and then Gerry.

-If you say so.

-Yeah.

Gerald.

-Gerald.

-Is the right answer, very

well done. What is this sequence?

These are Gerald Durrell's siblings,

who we meet in My Family And Other Animals,

which is why we know who they are.

That's absolutely right.

Larry is the author.

Lawrence Durrell.

And the siblings - Leslie, Margo and Gerald,

getting younger.

Well spotted for three points.

Back to you, Slammers, for a choice.

-Twisted Flax, please.

-The Twisted Flax.

And what would come fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

Question. Could be anything. Next, please.

Again, look for translations or something. Next, please.

Tarot cards or...?

Tarot or just...

Fate. Tarot... Just go for death.

Any other ideas at all?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Death.

I'm afraid that's not the answer.

Although the number of times people

in the middle have tried to answer Only Connect questions say,

I'll just go for "death", I think.

Sometimes the only option. But, no,

-Meeples, do you want another go for a bonus?

-Troubles?

Is the answer, and why is that?

I'll hand over to my English teacher colleague.

It's the "to be or not to be" soliloquy from Hamlet,

-the last line.

-Let's hear it.

To be or not to be, that is the question,

whether it is nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows

-of outrageous fortune or...

-To take arms.

-..troubles...

To take arms against a sea of troubles,

-and?

-By opposing, end them.

By opposing, end them. Very well done.

Excellent stuff, so, you get a

well-deserved bonus. Your own choice of question -

what's it to be?

-Eye of Horus, please.

-The Eye of Horus.

These are going to be picture clues,

and what sort of thing would you expect to see in the fourth picture?

Here's the first.

Who is that?

-Oh, that's Rage Against The Machine, I think.

-OK, next?

That's a machine. OK.

No, that's an ATM. So, it's RATM. ATM. TM.

And then, M.

-M? A machine?

-No, no, well, it's RATM.

-OK, all right.

-ATM.

-OK. OK, just anything beginning with M.

-An abbreviation.

-Fine.

A thousand.

Or?

Because it's an M.

Um, Judi Dench, as M.

Judi Dench is what we've got.

Congratulations. You are correct.

I just wanted to see if you could come up with 12 more examples!

What is this sequence?

The first one are Rage Against The Machine, or RATM.

The second one is a cash machine, or an ATM.

Then it must be TM for a trademark.

-And then M, from Bond.

-That's absolutely right.

It's RATM, ATM.

TM is a registered trademark,

and something that's just M,

for example, Judi Dench, or 1000,

or something else signified by an M. Well done. One question remains -

the Horned Viper.

That will be for you, Tequila Slammers.

What comes fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

Journey.

Could be anything. Next, please.

What does that mean?

I don't know, heuretics?

-Next.

-Next, please?

Minutest. Is there something in the word?

HE SPEAKS QUIETLY

Minutest?

THEY CONFER

Three seconds.

Big.

And why would that be?

-It's a random word.

-Always good to throw something in,

good to have a go. I'm afraid

you are not lucky on that occasion.

So, Meeples, a last chance in this round for a bonus point.

Erm...

No, I can't even think of anything. No. We don't know.

Well, it's another one where

we need an example of something.

We went with "seconded". It's all about

the language of French.

At the beginning of those words, jour, heure, minute,

and we're looking for something with

"seconde". French units of time,

day, hour, minute and something with

second or seconde at the beginning.

Heuretics is a branch

in the field of logic.

But it's actually about the words

and not what they represent.

We were looking for units of French time.

Nasty! What a nasty quiz.

You know you love it! That means,

at the end of Round Two,

the Tequila Slammers have one point, the Meeples have 11.

Time now for the Connecting Wall,

and your chance to go first, now, Tequila Slammers.

You've got a little bit of ground to make up,

but lots of points available here.

Would you like a Lion or Water?

-Lion, please.

-Lion.

You have two and a half minutes to solve the Lion Wall, starting now.

Right.

-Right. Thomas Hardy?

-No.

Something vaguely Germany.

THEY CONFER

Diamond. Mound.

-Baseball...

-Parts of a baseball field.

-Diamond. Plate.

-BUZZ

Foul line.

THEY CONFER

Right, things that there are seven of. Samurai.

Seven deadly sins. No.

These are variants of the game of Sudoku Killer.

-Deadly.

-Yeah.

-OK. Try that one.

-Samurai is one as well, Sudoku Killer and... Jigsaw?

-Well done.

Three lives now.

That's a film, erm...

No, these are parts of an insect, aren't they?

No, they're parts of the finger? The cuticle, the quick.

Lunula is, yeah.

-So, wait.

-Let's do the three.

-Work out what they are.

OK, right, what's the last one? The plate? Or the matrix?

Is the matrix the main part?

Let's try and work out what this group could be.

-Deadly.

-Kiss.

-Thomas.

The Hardy brothers.

Kate Winslet? Kate... Erm.

-If you take one away, Hard, Kat, Dead.

-Oh, good, good, good.

Erm...

Mat, Kat, Lat.

Kat?

You've got a minute left.

So, we'll just go for this line, and finish.

Deadly sins? Deadly nightshade? Deadly, erm...

30 seconds.

Right, we'll go for, what? Matrix?

Yes. Try that first.

-BUZZ

-No.

Matrix?

One life.

Try Deadly, Quick, Kate.

You've solved the wall! I absolutely wasn't expecting that to happen.

Very well done.

Just at the last minute, you pulled it out of the bag.

And what about the connecting points?

Tell me about the first blue group. Bullpen, Mount, Diamond, Foul Line.

These are locations on a baseball pitch.

They are features of a baseball park.

And the green group?

Samurai, Killer, Jigsaw, Tredoku?

These are variants or developments of sudoku puzzles.

Exactly what they are, quite right.

And the next group. Deadly, Kate, Hardy, Quick?

Things that can be preceded by the expression "kiss me".

I wish you'd just said, "Kiss me."

I could have run over,

-we could have had some fun.

-I wish I had, too.

Kiss me deadly, Kiss Me, Kate,

kiss me Hardy, kiss me quick.

Suddenly, you saw it at the end, there.

And the last turquoise group, Matrix, Cuticle, Plate, Lunula?

These are components of a fingernail.

That's right, parts of a fingernail.

Plate, you weren't sure right away,

the main body of the nail itself.

So, four more points for the connections,

bonus two for getting it all right. That is the maximum of 10.

Let's bring the Meeples in now and give them the other Connecting Wall,

the Water Wall, and see what they can do about solving it.

Two and a half minutes, of course. The time starts now.

OK.

So, Phil Tufnell is a cricketer.

That's not very helpful, is it? There aren't any other Phils.

-Mel Brooks?

-Hot potato? Mel Brooks? Margaret Thatcher?

Peter Cook? Blue Peter?

Talk? Talk Talk?

THEY CONFER

What other...

Are there any other...

-A tortilla is made out of corn.

-Yeah, exactly.

An Old Spot is a pig.

-Erm, well...

-King Solomon?

-Yeah, I mean...

-King William.

-Exactly. But no other.

And Thatcher is Margaret, but that doesn't mean anything else.

There's a potato blight. Erm, yes.

Tortilla is flat.

-It's not like a tortilla triangle.

-A chip. Potato chip, it might be.

-Yes. OK.

-Blue chip company.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Tortilla is a possibility.

-Yes, exactly,

so there must be another one.

Is it woodchip?

BUZZ

-We've done that.

-THEY CONFER

Oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

BUZZ

I'd go tortilla, blue and wood, was what you're on this time.

OK. Thank goodness for that. Right.

-So...

-You've got a minute left.

Talk show?

-Hang on, Cook is a cricketer.

-Oh, yeah, yeah. Tufnell, um...

So... It could be anybody, though.

-Do you know who any of the others are?

-Mark Thatcher might be one.

BUZZ

BUZZ

BUZZ

BUZZ

BUZZ

No. Ah.

-Erm. So, we need to keep trying, just like...

-30 seconds.

It's actually... BUZZ

Yeah, just try surnames.

Small talk? Small potato?

-Spot check?

-Well, we've got the chip ones.

-Talk Talk? Anything that doubles?

-Just try surnames.

15 seconds.

Yeah, exactly.

BUZZ

No. And?

Five seconds.

No, that's it, the time is up.

A tricky one.

You didn't fully scale that wall but you found one group,

and I will give you a point if you can tell me the connection.

Micro, Tortilla, Wood, Blue.

-They're all chips.

-Types of chip.

You can also get points for the connections

in the groups you didn't find.

So, let's resolve the wall. That's how it should have been.

Thatcher, Tufnell, Blackburn, Brooks.

-Cricketers in England.

-That's not it.

Phil Tufnell is a cricketer. He is also one of the winners

of "I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here!",

along with Carol Thatcher, Tony Blackburn and Charlie Brooks.

"I'm A Celebrity..." winners.

And the next group. Caroline, Marshall, Cook, Solomon.

Islands.

-Can you tell me anything more specific?

-In the Pacific.

Islands in the Pacific Ocean -

that's what they are.

And the last group - William, Potato, Spot, Talk?

I'm not getting it, I'm not seeing it.

It is a word one - it's "sweet".

Sweet William, the flower.

Sweet potato, sweet spot, sweet talk.

Didn't quite find the sweet spot in that wall,

but you did find one group,

and give me two more connections.

A total of three points.

Let's have a look at the scores going into the final round.

The Tequila Slammers have 11 points. The Meeples have 14.

So, it's got rather close, all of a sudden,

and will be decided in Round Four, the Missing Vowels round.

Remember, teams, if you get these answers wrong,

I will take points away.

So, buzz with care.

Fingers on the buzzers.

I can tell you that the first group of clues are all...

-Meeples?

-Hard shoulder.

Correct.

-Meeples?

-Elbow grease?

Correct.

-Tequila Slammers?

-In the lap of the gods.

Yes, it is.

-Slammers?

-Long arm of the law.

Correct.

Next category...

-Slammers?

-Compact disc.

Correct.

-Slammers?

-Cadmium.

Well calculated.

-Meeples?

-400.

In Roman numerals, well done.

-Slammers?

-Drag coefficient.

That's the last CD.

Next category...

-Meeples?

-Deadly sins.

Correct.

-Meeples?

-Wonders of the world.

Correct.

A tricky one. According to Ruskin,

lamps of architecture. Next clue.

-Meeples?

-Hills of Rome.

Correct.

And there will be no more categories

because the bell has gone for the end of the quiz.

And I can tell you that finishing with 20 points

and through to the next round, it's the Meeples.

Very well done.

And coming back from a long way behind

to make an impressive 16 points,

it's the Tequila Slammers.

Well done for that great recovery

on the wall, a good Round Four.

I think it's possible, with 16 points,

you might not make our highest-scoring losers.

If we don't meet you again, then,

thank you very much for coming.

It was really nice to see you on this occasion.

Meeples, we will definitely see you again. Good luck.

And that's the end of the show. Thank goodness!

I am definitely ready for my first gin and tonic of the day.

Later than usual. It's nearly nine o'clock.

But it's a beautiful morning here in Wales!

I wonder what time it'll be when they broadcast this! Goodbye.