Listeners vs Trade Unionists Only Connect

Hello, and welcome to one of my favourite stages of Only Connect,

the third-place play-offs.

This is the last shot at glory for the best two teams that didn't make the final.

So, the stakes are high.

Well, it's not like their homes are at risk if they do badly

but their quizzing reputation could be,

and given the current state of the economy,

that's probably worth more. I am delighted to welcome back

our valiant former semi-finalists.

On my right, Andrew Lyman, a shift manager at a chemical plant

who enjoys playing bridge and scrabble online.

Jane Teather, a Middlesex cricket supporter

and natural sciences graduate who now works as an information design consultant.

And their captain, Dave Tilley,

a blogging enthusiast with a love of Puccini and the Pet Shop Boys.

They're all committed crossword solvers,

committed particularly to the Listener crossword, hence they are the Listeners.

Dave, you missed out on a seat in the final for the Antiquarians

but third place is up for grabs tonight. Which has been your favourite game so far?

Despite losing the last one because of the wall

where we got four Guardian crossword compilers,

though unfortunately Jane's husband has been in a deep sulk ever since

because he wasn't one of them!

Well, perhaps you'll have a new favourite game after tonight.

You will be facing, on my left...

Colin Whorlow, a maths graduate who enjoys bungee jumping

and foreign travel.

Nick Atty, a science-fiction fan with a PhD in genetics

and a passion for country walking.

And their captain, James Hastie, a civil servant

who enjoys dancing the foxtrot and has an interest in astronomy.

They are the Trade Unionists.

You met the Analysts in your semi-final, were they your toughest opponents?

They were very, very good winners in that round

but in the quarter-finals, we were mortally afraid

because the lady on their team was lightning-fast on the missing vowels.

I wonder what you think of meeting the Listeners,

fans of the Listener crossword. Am I right in thinking you have set the Listener crossword?

That's right, I'm a Listener setter myself.

-Are your opponents correct in rating that the best available crossword?

-No question whatsoever.

Ask for his autograph and see if he writes it in a cryptic way -

not his name, just hints at his name.

-Get an anagram from him!

-(5,6).

Let's get on with the quiz. Round One, shall we start there?

I simply want to know

the connection between four apparently random clues.

Unionists, you won the toss but you're sending the Listeners in first.

Listeners, please choose a question.

Good old Twisted Flax.

The good old Twisted Flax.

BELL RINGS

The music question. You'll be hearing the clues, first one now...

# Oh, Lord, where did the feeling go... #

-Big Country.

-Yep.

-What's it called?

-I can't think.

Next one, please.

# Come on, silver lady, take my word

# I won't run out on you again, believe me... #

-One more?

-Yes.

-Next, please.

# Cos I love you... #

BOTH: Nights In White Satin. DAVE AND JANE: Wedding anniversaries!

-Satin, silver...

-Go on then.

-Wedding anniversaries.

-I'm afraid that's not the connection.

I'm going to play a little blast

of the last clue.

# I'm a real wild one

# And I like a wild fun

# In a world gone crazy Everything seems hazy... #

-I'm going to go with our...

-I think that's enough of that.

This is my favourite music question ever, what great pieces.

-Do you know the connection?

-Yes, we think we do.

The artists all have styles of music in their title.

I don't have the first one. The second one...

-David Soul.

-..was David Soul.

The third one was Moody Blues, Nights In White Satin. And the fourth one?

The fourth one was Iggy Pop and the first one was Big Country.

They are artists who have styles of music in their names,

their second names.

Very well done for the bonus point.

You may now choose your own question.

Water, please.

All right.

Here's your first clue...now.

Next, please.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

OK... Next, please.

-It sank.

-It sank.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

All invented or done in Belfast...

Next, please.

Eddystone Lighthouse.

That was destroyed...

Ten seconds.

I can't imagine why blood transfusion would be destroyed!

No, I can't get it.

Three seconds.

Total stab in the dark. These are all things that were built

-or processes that were invented in Belfast.

-They were not

all invented and built in Belfast.

A bonus chance for you, Listeners.

I don't know.

Er...

White stars!

Why?

Er...

-Titanic was...

-Titanic was a White Star Line...

Er...

And it ends there!

This is a brilliant, if gruesome, connection.

They all killed someone responsible

for their creation.

Alexander Bogdanov, a researcher involved in blood transfusions,

died after having a blood transfusion.

William Bullock, inventor of the web rotary printing press,

died of gangrene after he got caught in the machinery.

The designer of the Titanic went down with it.

Henry Winstanley stayed overnight in his Eddystone Lighthouse

the night of a terrible storm.

Their creators died as a result of creating them.

Listeners, please choose a hieroglyph.

Two Reeds, please.

OK. These are going to be picture clues, here's the first one.

Who do you think it might be?

Next one, please.

That's Obama's dog, what's Obama's dog called?

What's the first picture?

SHE WHISPERS

Next one, please.

Jellyfish. Jellyfish, or do you think it's man-of-war...

What's the first picture...

Ten seconds.

-Shall we go for it?

-Yes.

Last one, please.

-He's from Portugal.

-Three seconds.

Portugal, or Portuguese. Man-of-war, Portuguese footballer.

Portuguese is the connection.

Portuguese footballer Cristiano Ronaldo,

Portuguese man-of-war, Obama's dog - never mind its name,

its genre is a Portuguese Water Dog.

And that first picture, do you know who that is?

Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Sonnets From The Portuguese.

She wrote Sonnets From The Portuguese

for her husband, Robert Browning,

because he nicknamed her "My Little Portuguese".

Portuguese is the connection, well done.

Unionists, your turn to choose.

Horned Viper, please.

Here is your first clue now.

It's a straight line if you're talking about as the crow flies...

Next, please.

OK, I'm getting nothing.

Next, please.

-Silver River...

-Are these books by somebody I've never heard of?

-Bird's Path means nothing...

-Next, please.

Road to Santiago.

So these are films starring...

THEY ALL MURMUR

Ten seconds.

Do they translate... Argent...

Three seconds.

Translated from Spanish...

-Mmm-mm?

-They all mean something in English

-if you translate them into Spanish.

-Er...

They all mean something in English if you translate them into Spanish?!

Like you get "argento" or something.

I'm not claiming to be totally on top of this question!

No. If you had claimed that, I'd have had to reject the claim!

-Nice try, but no. Listeners?

-I'll let Andrew explain.

Er, they're all English translations

of the names of South American capital cities.

Ooh, wow, they're not, but... You're thinking Argentina - Silver River?

Ish, that sort of, that sort of thing.

-No, not really!

-No...

I liked how confident you sounded! You nearly tricked me

into giving you the point. I can't, because it's not correct.

They are alternative names for the Milky Way.

That last one, according to medieval legend, if you followed

the Milky Way, it would lead you to the tomb of St James,

in Santiago. That's why it's the Road to Santiago.

Bird's Path, Straw Road, Silver River - just nicknames.

-Listeners, it is your turn.

-The Eye Of Horus, please.

All right. The Eye Of Horus, here's your first clue.

THEY CONFER IN WHISPERS

Next one, please.

Hecatomb was the answer in a crossword recently.

-Next one?

-Yes.

-Next one, please.

Phew! That's a big number!

Next one, please.

-It started with 100.

-Three seconds.

Andrew.

They all have a connection through 100.

The Senate has 100 members,

the mythological creature, Argus,

had 100 eyes.

Ten, and all that,

is one followed by 100 zeros.

And...that's about it.

That's absolutely enough. Well done.

They all do have a connection with 100.

The third one, ten duotrigintillion,

yes, a "googol" would be another word, one with 100 zeros.

A hecatomb, grimly,

is the ritual slaughter of 100 cattle...

if, for example, I'm coming for dinner.

All have a connection with 100. Very well done.

Back to the Trade Unionists.

Only one remaining question - Lion, and the first clue is coming up now.

Next, please.

That's the one that passed through a civet before you eat it.

Are they all passed through animals before you eat it...

-I can imagine...

-Do you want to guess? Up to you, captain.

-I would guess.

-Let's take one more. One more, please.

That didn't help but I still think it's a go-for-it.

I think that's less likely.

All right, we'll take one point. Next, please.

Saffron...

-They're all expensive, aren't they?

-They're expensive things.

THEY CONFER

Five seconds.

They are the most expensive forms of their various types.

That's absolutely right.

They're the most expensive of those foodstuffs.

Yubari melons, first of the harvest, can go for up to £19,000!

Melons from Japan. Kopi Luwak coffee, what can you tell me?

Is that that coffee that is passed through the digestive tract

of a civet before it's used?

That's right, delicious! Civet coffee.

Wagyu beef, that's Kobe beef, that's the beef

where the cattle have drunk beer and been massaged.

And saffron, how do they make it?

-From crocus stamens.

-From crocus stamens.

They need thousands of them to make saffron, so it's expensive.

Most expensive foodstuffs of their type, well done.

That means, at the end of Round One,

the Trade Unionists have got two points.

The Listeners also have two points.

Onto Round Two, the Sequences round. This time,

the clues go up to only three because my question is, what is the fourth clue?

The teams must work out the connection and the sequence in order to tell me that.

Listeners, you're first again, please choose a question.

The Horned Viper, please.

Right, you're about to see the first in a sequence, what is fourth?

Time starts now.

THEY CONFER

Next one, please.

Are we going in the wrong direction?

-Capitals...

-Melbourne's not the capital.

Could it be something to do with South America?

Is it Sydney, not Melbourne?

I can't remember, shall we try again?

What's the one, don't they play in Darwin?

-Darwin...

-Ten seconds.

-Next one, please.

-I reckon it's going to be...Rio or Buenos Aires.

-Three seconds.

Go on, then.

Buenos Aires.

I'm afraid not.

So there's a possible bonus for the Trade Unionists.

Palmerston.

That's not the right answer but you're a lot closer!

They are prime ministers who were in power

at the time of a monarch's accession.

-Oh!

-Wellington was prime minister for the accession of William IV,

then Queen Victoria then Edward VII, then Asquith was the right answer

because he was the prime minister for the accession of George V.

Still, good stab. Your turn now

to pick a question.

Twisted Flax, please.

All right. These are going to be pictures.

What would you expect to see in the fourth picture?

Here's the first.

OK, so it could be something to do with...

Next, please!

-Three fingers...

-Something like touch the screen or something.

Crouch, push... Next, please.

-That's pause...

-Oh, Crouch, touch, pause, engage!

Yep!

Er, probably a picture with a wedding...sorry, engagement ring

-for "engage".

-There is a picture

of an engagement ring in that fourth space.

Crouch, touch, pause, engage or engagement -

stages in a rugby scrum. Well done.

Back to you now, Listeners.

Lion, please.

All right, first in a sequence coming up.

What's fourth? The clock starts now.

Next one, please.

Is it Egyptian?

-Don't know. It looks Egyptian, doesn't it?

-Egyptian...

Next one, please.

Osiris.

-Could be Ra.

-Or Horus.

-Horus.

-Horus. Shall we go for Horus?

-Try Horus.

Horus.

It is our old friend, Horus. But why?

Inspired guess!

-You've just guessed an Egyptian god, haven't you?

-Yes!

It could have been Ra. No, it's descent.

Shu is the father of Geb, is the father of Osiris,

is the father of Horus. Descent of Egyptian male gods.

Still, you get the point.

It's back to you, Trade Unionists.

Two Reeds, please.

All right, first in a sequence coming up now.

Next, please.

Bell ringing!

-Right, so what can we...

-I don't know.

We'll get the next one. Next, please.

Major? Do majors...

I think it could well be Major...

Plain Bob Major, or just Major?

Let's try it.

THEY CONFER

Those are the first bit, these bits come at the end.

So it's Doubles, Triples, I think it could be Major, yes.

-Major.

-Well done, it is Major.

Can you tell me why?

My learned friend tells me these are the ways

of ending bell-ringing sequences.

Not of ending the sequences, of ending the descriptions.

They're something triple, double, or minor.

That's right, it shows how many bells there are.

In bell-ringing methods, for example, Grandsire Doubles,

would mean that pattern on five bells, Minor is six bells,

Triple is seven bells, Major would be eight bells

so that's the next in the sequence.

-Listeners, your turn.

-Eye Of Horus, please.

Eye Of Horus. Horus has been good to you so far.

Here is the first in the sequence.

Next one, please.

Are they getting flatter? Sphere, spheroid...

-Disc, disc.

-Disc....

Yeah, go on then!

-Disc.

-I'm afraid that's not the answer.

I'm going to show the third in the sequence to the Trade Unionists.

Do you want to have a go at saying what's fourth?

I think it's called the hyperboloid?

It is not called that.

The answer is "quadric" and I'll tell you why.

They're not getting flatter, they're getting less specific.

Each of these is a special case of the next.

A sphere is a special case of a spheroid,

a spheroid of an ellipsoid,

and an ellipsoid is a special case of a quadric, the next one.

Back to you, Trade Unionists. It will be the Water question.

So the first in the sequence is coming up now.

"I" in sphinx.

THEY WHISPER

Next, please.

I think that's soup.

COLIN WHISPERS

It's a sequence, don't forget.

Is it the only vowel or something?

OK, so you're looking for a word that...

with no vowels in at all.

THEY MURMUR

Next, please.

-Oh, right, so a long...

-Five seconds.

-It's a sequence.

-Er, strengths!

We'll go with "strengths".

That is brilliant.

I didn't think anyone would get this. Well done.

Can you explain why? Don't disappoint me!

It is vowels...one vowel only, in words of increasing length.

That's exactly what it is.

Words that contain one vowel only,

of six letters, seven, eight and nine.

But it's believed that "strengths" is the only nine-letter word

with a single vowel in it.

You did very well to snatch at that with just a few seconds to spare.

Well done, Colin.

At the end of Round Two, the Listeners have got four points,

but the Trade Unionists are ahead with eight.

Time for the Connecting Wall.

16 very difficult clues but four almost invisible groups

are hidden within them. If you think that's a challenge,

why not play along online, which you can do at the same time.

Trade Unionists, it is your turn to go first this time.

Please tell me if you would like Lion or Water.

Water, please.

Right, you have got two and a half minutes to solve this wall, starting now.

Right, we've got Scapa Flow and Skye.

-Murrayfield is...

-And a stadium, as is Millennium.

Eden Park, and...

So Millennium, Murrayfield, Eden Park

and...

OK, Chatham?

I think you've got docklands, haven't you?

THEY CONFER

-You've got the Woolwich, Norfolk...

-The Border...

And...

And...

Deptford...

Woolwich, Norfolk...

I think Skye is.

OK, you can... I think there's dockyards.

There's Rosyth and Chatham, and...

NICK MURMURS

You've used a minute.

If we don't get anywhere in a moment...

We're wasting our time.

Then stop and let me...

You keep looking whilst I'm doing this.

-I'd like you to try something.

-OK.

-Chatham, Rosyth...

-Rosyth...

-Deptford and Scapa Flow.

-Deptford.

-And possibly Woolwich.

OK, try...

OK, try that without Scapa.

All right, try it without Rosyth.

Try it without Deptford.

-Yeah!

-You've got a minute left.

Barrytown Trilogy is the books that Roddy Doyle wrote, of course.

-Deptford Trilogy!

-Deptford Trilogy, I think there is.

-OK.

-Millennium Trilogy?

-That sounds good, Millennium Trilogy, definitely.

-No, OK.

-Try those again with... Let's try... Try Norfolk.

Try them again with Skye.

Or Border, Border sounds good, actually.

-Barrytown, Millennium...

-You've got 30 seconds.

Yes!

Right, so we've got Murrayfield, and Newlands...

You've solved the wall, very well done. Four points immediately

and I want to now ask you about the connections.

Rosyth, Scapa Flow, Woolwich, Chatham.

-I think you had this one.

-Dockyards.

They are the sites of British dockyards,

many of them closed or closing

but original sites of dockyards.

Barrytown, Millennium, Border, Deptford.

We think these are trilogies.

They are literary trilogies. You knew Barrytown, Roddy Doyle.

Millennium Trilogy, that's Stieg Larsson.

-The Border Trilogy, I don't think you knew?

-No!

Cormac McCarthy. All The Pretty Horses, that's one.

And the Deptford Trilogy, that's Robertson Davies.

The next group - Murrayfield, Eden Park, Flaminio, Newlands.

They're sports stadiums?

We're only one place away from the final, I want an exact answer!

-Rugby stadiums!

-They are national rugby stadiums, or stadia.

And the last one - Bull, Skye, Norfolk, Cairn.

These are types of terrier.

They're simply types of terrier.

You found the four groups and the four connections,

that's eight points, plus the bonus two,

it's a maximum of ten points, well done.

Time to bring back their opponents and give them a new Connecting Wall.

16 fresh, but equally difficult, clues still must be sorted

into four groups of four.

Listeners, it is the Lion wall remaining for you.

You've got two and a half minutes to solve it, starting now.

Audubon, bird... Oddie and Audubon are bird-watchers.

Bond's a birdwatcher, there's one remaining for birdwatcher.

-Let's think.

-Get rid of those, I've got another one.

Lack, Effektiv, Malm, and Ivar...

And Billy...oh, and Pax, they're IKEA brands.

OK, take a step back.

-Er, let's think.

-Watering can, trash can, billy can...

-Yep.

-Yes. Jerrycan.

Yep.

No... Spray can.

-So Billy is our IKEA brand.

-Flor...

Er, Ivar, Pax... Effektiv, Ivar and Malm are definitely IKEA brands.

There we go.

You used one minute.

-We've got Oddie, Bond and Audubon.

-Was Lack a bird person?

I don't know, what would the other ones be?

Vesta, Pax, Flora and Minerva are all Greek gods? Greek goddesses.

Go on.

You've solved the wall, very well done. Excellent stuff.

Four points. Let's see if you can get the connection, even bonus points for the maximum ten.

Trash, jerry, spray, watering.

-They're all cans.

-They're all cans.

Trash can, jerrycan, spray can, watering can. The next group -

Ivar, Billy, Malm, Effektiv.

Er, things you can buy at IKEA.

They are products sold at IKEA. You spotted that one quickly!

Are you keen IKEA shoppers?

-Not me.

-My wife is.

I'm sure our viewers know that other forms

of flat-pack furniture, rug and vase are available!

But those are products sold by IKEA. The next group...

Flora, Pax, Minerva, Vesta.

-Goddesses.

-Give me more.

-Er...

-They were Greek?

Vesta was the goddess of the hearth...

Now, as I said to your opponents, we are one away from the final,

-I want something very precise.

-Roman goddesses.

-They are Roman goddesses,

that is correct.

And finally, Lack, Oddie, Bond, Audubon.

Birdwatchers, twitchers.

Ornithologists is the longer word I was looking for.

Can you talk me through them a bit?

William Oddie, of Goodies fame and Countrywatch and all the rest of it.

James Bond is a keen birdwatcher.

James Bond, who wrote Birds Of The West Indies,

the spy James Bond was named after him, by Ian Fleming.

John James Audubon was a bird photographer.

He catalogued the birds of North America.

You don't know the first one, David Lack?

-No.

-He wrote Darwin's Finches.

You are right in telling me they're all ornithologists.

So, at the end of that wall round,

you got four points for the groups, you told me the connections correctly, so that's eight points.

Two bonus points for getting it all correct, a maximum of ten points.

Let's see how the scores are affected by that.

The Listeners have got 14 points

but the Trade Unionists are ahead with 18.

It will then all be decided by Round Four, the Missing Vowels round.

We've taken the vowels out of well-known names, phrases or sayings,

but given how hard the quiz has been so far, don't expect them to be that well-known!

What are the hidden clues?

Fingers on buzzers then, teams.

The first group are...

Unionists.

-Broadway.

-Correct.

Listeners.

-Rodeo Drive.

-Correct.

This one not so famous.

It's Peachtree Street. Next clue.

Listeners.

-Sunset Boulevard.

-Yes, it is.

Next category...

-Listeners.

-Beekeeper.

-Yes, it is.

-Unionists?

-Abracadabra.

As if by magic, you get a point.

Listeners.

-Protozoology.

-Yes, it is.

Unionists.

-Invisibility.

-Indeed so.

Next category, I'm sorry about this, it's movie spoilers.

Unionists.

-Rosebud was his sled.

-Yep.

Listeners.

Darth Vader is Luke's father.

Yes, he is.

I'm going to have to give away

the twist myself,

from The Crying Game, Dill is a man.

Next clue...

END-OF-GAME JINGLE

There won't be a next clue, it's the end of the quiz.

I must tell you, if you were planning to watch Soylent Green,

you're going to know that Soylent Green is people.

I apologise for those spoilers,

for anyone who was looking forward to surprise cannibalism later, ruined it!

Looking then at the final scores.

The Listeners have got a very good 19 points.

But the winners and official third place

in this year's Only Connect, with 22 points, is the Trade Unionists.

-Very well done.

-Well done, guys.

Well done, Listeners, you're fourth in the series,

it's not easy to get there on this quiz so excellent, very well done.

You probably thought that was a difficult quiz.

Well, people thought the Napoleonic Wars were a murderous conflict...

Join me next time for the final.

This week, Waterloo. Next week, Passchendaele.

Goodbye.

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