Footballers v Cinephiles Only Connect

And on the eighth day, God created Quiz

and He saw that it was an infinitely reproducible format.

And on the ninth day, He created Talent Show

and people preferred that.

Nevertheless, here we still are. Welcome to Only Connect.

Returning for tonight's quarterfinal

are, on my right,

Barry Humphrey,

a psychology graduate, who collects instruments that he cannot play.

Michael McPartland,

an economics and public policy graduate,

who is an enthusiastic collector of shoes.

And their captain, Jamie Turner,

a Huddersfield Town supporter, who plays badminton and supports local musicians.

United by a love of the game,

they are the Footballers.

-Jamie, tell me about your heat.

-It was a tough game

against the Second Violinists.

I think there was only one point in it after two rounds,

so managed to just cling on till the end.

Any rounds that you felt were weak,

-that you should be more careful with?

-ALL: Them all!

All the rounds will be coming round again tonight. Good luck.

You are facing, on my left,

Howard Kelly,

an English graduate, who works for the Department of Work & Pensions

and has read every Inspector Rebus novel.

Tim Catlin, a bar manager,

who enjoys attending folk music festivals

and reading historical military literature.

And their captain, Nancy Dickmann,

a former plastics buyer, who has written over 30 children's books

and speaks French and a bit of Ancient Greek.

United by a passion for classic cinema, they are the Cinephiles.

You beat the Accountants in your heat. How have you been preparing?

Well, in general, our philosophy is, don't practise, which, so far, has worked.

It might backfire spectacularly now.

-Only one way to find out.

-Exactly.

-Let's play the quiz.

Round One - the connection

between four apparently random clues. Cinephiles,

you won the toss, you will go first.

Please choose a hieroglyph.

-Twisted Flax, please.

-Twisted Flax, OK.

First clue of the quarterfinal coming up now.

1867, that is probably when they purchased it. No, that's too late.

It was 1863. Next.

Samoa.

Ah, now that's also American.

It's got to be something to do with American territories...

but I don't know what Samoa would have done. Next, please.

Oh, now these are changes of calendars. They've changed the day,

because Samoa has gone on the other side of the international dateline.

-Are they things that didn't exist?

-Ten seconds.

-International dateline.

-Go for dates that don't exist?

-They changed the calendar.

Three seconds.

BELL

We think these are dates that don't exist, due to a change in calendar.

-Changed the international...

-Moving across the international dateline,

-in the case of Samoa. England lost eleven days in 1752.

-I'll take it.

It's occasions that never happened.

The last clue was 1.30am,

when the UK goes from GMT to BST. Dates or times that didn't happen

because of moving across datelines or calendar changes. Well done.

Footballers, pick a question.

-Two Reeds, please.

-Two Reeds, OK.

Your first clue is coming in now.

Sachertorte. Well, it's...

-It's an Austrian cake. We need more.

-OK, next.

-I think they're named after hotels.

-Shall we go for it?

-Go for it.

-Go for it. Cakes named after hotels? Things named after hotels?

-Yeah.

BELL

-Are they things named after hotels?

-I'm afraid they are

NOT things named after hotels,

as will become clear,

when I reveal the next two clues.

I'd love to stay in a custard cream,

but I'm afraid that's impossible.

Possible bonus to you, Cinephiles.

-I don't know. Is a Polo mint round?

-Things with a hole in the middle?

-I can't give you long.

-Things with a hole in the middle,

although sachertorte doesn't, I don't think.

It would have a hole in it

if you left it in my fridge,

but that's not the answer.

They are foods that have

their name written on them.

Oh, right.

Sachertorte, it is named after

the Hotel Sacher and that's written

across the top. The others,

printed on there, and a Polo mint,

as well. Foods that bear their own name was the answer.

No bonus point to the Cinephiles,

-but you can now choose a question.

-Eye of Horus, please.

The Eye of Horus will be the music question.

It's always good news, isn't it?

-Absolutely, yes(!)

-Always lovely to hear. Your first lovely clue...

now.

INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYS

-Know what that is?

-Sounds familiar.

Next.

# He says, "Oh, gosh, oh, gee Wish I had... #

-Don't recognise that, either. Any idea?

-No.

Next.

CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS

Um, that is... I should know.

-I recognise it, but don't know it.

-Need the next one, don't we?

-Next.

Ten seconds.

# ..that evening's empire has returned... #

That's Bob Dylan.

-Blowin' in the Wind?

-Could it be something to do with wind?

Three seconds.

Er...wind.

I'm so sorry to hear it,

but I was hoping for the answer(!)

That's as good as we're going to get.

That's not it. Footballers, have a go, for a bonus.

-About weather?

-What did you think you heard?

Exactly. Blowin' in the Wind.

OK, that was Mr Tambourine Man.

-Of course it was, yes.

-Yes.

You were closer with wind.

The second one was Tubby the Tuba and the third was Gabriel's Oboe.

Mr Tambourine Man at the end.

First, At the Sign of the Swinging Cymbal. Musical instruments,

not unfortunately, for you, all wind instruments. Musical instruments.

Footballers,

-which hieroglyph would you like?

-Water, please.

-Water.

What is the connection here?

First clue coming up now.

-No idea what that is.

-Ptomaine?

Next.

-Have to go "next" again, won't we?

-Yeah.

-Next, please.

It's got to be something about the word itself, I'd have thought.

-Um...

-Hang on, I know it. American states are contained within them.

-Correct.

-Brilliant shout.

-Go.

-The words contain American states.

-You buzzed in before seeing

Arkansas, with Kansas hidden there. Very well spotted.

Maine in Ptomaine,

Iowa, cheekily snuggled into biowarfare,

and Oregon in foregone.

Very well spotted, for two points.

Back to the Cinephiles.

-to choose a question.

-Horned Viper, please.

-The Horned Viper.

These are picture clues, all connected.

How? That is what I want to know.

How? Time starts...

now.

That's a squid.

Next.

And that's a turtle's shell. So, that's just a carapace.

Um...

-Next.

-Yeah.

A banana peel.

As well, the squid looks empty.

That seems too easy. Next.

-Ah. Oh.

-Poisonous?

-Ten seconds.

-Or something to do with...

-It's Super Mario things, I think.

-OK, go on.

I think they're all things that appear in Super Mario video games.

Excellent. They are items that you collect for a Mario Kart.

They give you special powers.

-Do you know what those powers are?

-Er...no, because I've never played

Mario Kart, only earlier versions, where turtle shells

-are some of the things you try to kill.

-Turtle shells are a weapon

-you fire at other cars.

-Right.

Are you Mario players?

-I know the banana skin. As you'd expect, you slide off...

-That's it.

Your opponent can skid over on them.

-Mushroom makes you go quicker.

-Yes, the mushroom gives you speed,

the turtle shell you fire.

And the squid?

What does the squid do?

-Fires ink at something?

-It does.

-Does it?

-No, but I like the idea.

No, the squid obscures

your opponent's screen.

-With ink!

-With ink. You're basically right.

If there was a bonus available,

I'd give it to you. Footballers?

-Lion.

-That's a very good choice from the remaining selection.

Lion, it is, then. What is the connection between these clues?

Time starts now.

Yeah, next.

-Are they...

-First lines of national anthems?

-Or the names of national anthems.

-We need to know more.

-Yeah, next.

They're... Cos that's the same tune as God Save The Queen.

-Oh, they're all that.

-Go for it?

-Yeah, yeah.

BELL

They are all to the same tune as our national anthem.

I'll accept it. The last clue

actually IS the British national anthem.

All sung to the same tune.

But that is the tune of our national anthem.

I like your patriotism,

phrasing it that way. I'd give you more, if I could.

I can't, but you get the points for that.

"Oben arn Jungen Rhein",

-what does it mean?

-Something "...in young Rhine".

"Old and young Rhine"? No.

-Any ideas over there?

-Something about...

"Up above the young Rhine."

All sung to the same tune, that of the British anthem. Well done.

That means, at the end of Round One,

the Cinephiles have 3,

but the Footballers are ahead, with 4.

On to Round Two, The Sequences.

You know how it works. Clues in a sequence. What's fourth?

That's all I want to know, what's fourth? Cinephiles,

you go first again.

Which would you like?

Twisted flax, please.

First in a sequence will come up.

What's fourth? Time starts now.

That is, er...

WHISPERED CONFERRING

No, that's The Wedding Singer.

Next.

-The Hotel Inspectors.

-These are...

-Fawlty Towers?

-Oh, right.

Which one's the one after that?

D'you want the next one?

-I think we'll have to.

-Next.

Gourmet Night.

WHISPERED CONFERRING

Was that the name of a...?

Yeah.

-Ten seconds.

-OK, shall we go for that?

-Yeah.

BELL

Waldorf Salad.

It's not the answer I'm looking for.

A bonus chance for the Footballers.

-We'll guess at The Germans.

-It IS The Germans.

What was the connection?

-They're all, er...episodes of Fawlty Towers.

-Fawlty Towers episodes.

But in terms of a sequence, no idea.

They are the final four episodes

of Series One of Fawlty Towers,

culminating with The Germans.

What's the greatest sitcom

of all time?

-Well...

-Blackadder.

-Wrong.

What's the greatest sitcom?

-Fawlty Towers.

-Wrong again!

The answer is, of course, Porridge.

Yeah, but not bad guesses. Well done.

OK, Footballers, your turn

-to choose a question.

-Water, please.

Water. First in a sequence coming out. What's fourth?

They are going to be picture clues and I want to know exactly

an example of what you'd expect to see in the fourth picture.

-OK.

-OK, the first one is coming up now.

-Who's that, then?

-Is it Mary J Blige?

-It could be, yeah.

-Next.

Stephen K Amos.

J, K, L, M, so...

So someone with a middle name...

WHISPERED CONFERRING

Mary J Blige.

-Iain M Banks.

-Right.

Yeah, go for it, go for it.

BELL

Iain M Banks.

Iain M Banks is the very person we went for.

I think you know that it's middle initials.

Mary J Blige,

Stephen K Amos, the comedian,

Dorothy L Sayers, third,

and Iain M Banks.

I'd have taken Charles M Schultz, Richard M Nixon,

but Iain M Banks you went for, and very well done indeed.

Back to you, Cinephiles, for a choice.

-Two reeds, please.

-All right, what's the fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Not a clue. Anything?

No.

Next.

-Is that a bridge? You can have a swing bridge.

-Yeah.

Swing... Is it a cricketing thing?

-No.

-No.

Shall we have the next one?

-We'll have to go...

-Next.

Tyne. It must be something to do with bridges.

Or not?

-Swing...

-But what's the fourth?

-Is there a high level... Are these bridges on...?

-Ten seconds.

-Er...any bridge you want to go for?

-Three seconds.

BELL

The Forth Rail Bridge.

That is not the answer.

Footballers, do you want a go?

I'm reliably informed that it's

the Millennium Bridge.

It is Millennium or the Millennium Bridge.

They are bridges where?

Over the Tyne.

Going in which direction?

-Downstream.

-Downstream or east,

that's absolutely right.

What might we have called it

instead of Millennium?

-Eyelid or something.

-Blinking Eye.

-Yes, the Blinking Bridge

cos it works like an eyelid

as the boats go in and out.

Familiar with the Tyne on your team?

-Yeah, I've heard of it.

-Yeah.

-Somewhere up North, isn't it?

-Somewhere up North.

-Unfortunately,

they got the bonus point. Footballers, choose a question.

-Eye of Horus, please.

-All right, what's fourth here?

Here's the first one.

WHISPERED CONFERRING

Next.

-No, I don't know why it's in brackets, but...

-No.

-No.

-Next again.

Um...

I'm at a loss.

Right, well, it's going down, so maybe we can even have a guess.

M(1) =

-Hang on, they're not the squares or the...

-Ten seconds.

The squares... M(1) = 3, something like that.

-M(1) = 3.

-OK.

BELL

M(1) = 3.

The answer IS

M(1) = 3.

I must apologise.

Why do you say that?

It's a collection of letters and numbers in brackets.

-It had to be less than seven, so we had six guesses.

-But why 3?

-Cos... I'm hoping you can tell us.

-It's a nice number.

I WILL tell you.

I'm amazed you guessed that.

-Do you know why, over there?

-Not a clue.

-No?

These are Mersenne prime numbers.

Prime numbers

that are one less than a power of two.

And M(1), the first one, would be 3.

So well done, sort of. And, Cinephiles,

up to you to choose a question.

-The Horned Viper, please.

-The Horned Viper.

What's fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

THEY WHISPER

I'm not even sure where that is. Next, please.

-Kensington and Chelsea...

-Kensington and Chelsea.

Have they got city status?

-Is Kensington and Chelsea a city?

-Yeah.

-But we don't know what the sequence is.

-Royal...

-Oh, right,

So do you think it's Wootton Bassett? Want the next one? Next.

-Are those Royal?

-Yes.

-Are you sure?

-Yes.

-I'm not sure, but go for it.

-Ten seconds.

-When would that have been? 2011?

-2011, Wootton Bassett?

-OK.

BELL

2011: Wootton Bassett?

I'm afraid that's not the answer.

Footballers, do you know it?

Well, we think it's something to do with Royal boroughs. Um...

I'm not interested in

what you think it's to do with.

-What's the answer?

-Just hazard a random guess.

Well... 2012: Tower Hamlets.

Um, that's not it!

They ARE Royal boroughs

in order that they were made,

but, in 2012, to mark the Queen's Jubilee...

Greenwich got the Royal status.

Tower Hamlets would have

been lovely, though, wouldn't it?

-I was thinking of city status, then.

-Oh, I see.

I see. And Wootton Bassett,

your reasoning was...?

Well, it's just become Royal Wootton Bassett

because of their role in the repatriation of soldiers,

so we thought it was something Royal

but we just didn't get that it was boroughs.

So you were in the right area,

but if it was just ones

that got Royal, it wouldn't be that exact sequence.

Greenwich is what we needed to hear. Unlucky.

One question left for you, footballers.

-Lion?

-Lion again, please.

Yes, why not? And your first clue is coming up now.

-Next.

-Yep.

Well, they're racecourses, but...

Um, it is where the Grand Nationals are, so it's Irish, English... No?

-No, there's no specific order.

-No order. Let's take it, then.

Next.

Yes, so it's going to be the Welsh one.

-And it's probably in the year, so that's Chepstow?

-Chepstow, yeah.

-Go for it.

-Is it, yeah.

BELL

Chepstow.

You're too good.

They're the Grand Nationals in the order in which they usually run,

and after the Scottish Grand National at Ayr

would be Chepstow, the Welsh one.

Well done over there.

This means, at the end of Round Two,

the Cinephiles have got 3 points,

but the footballers are ahead with 13.

Time now for the 16-fold challenge of the Connecting Wall.

Footballers, your turn to go first now.

Are you looking forward to the Wall?

If last time was anything to go by, then no. But we'll see.

The good news is you only have yourselves to blame

if you choose the wrong one, because you have a choice.

-Lion or Water.

-Lion, please.

OK, Lion Wall it is.

Two and a half minutes to solve it. Starting...

now.

Right.

Well, that's a TV show.

And a TV show...

Press Gang was as well. Sherlock.

Yeah, but, TV show - is that good enough?

Basque, Breton, Alsatian...

-And Catalan.

-And Catalan. Alsatian, Breton, Basque?

BUZZ

-No.

-There must be another one.

-Um...

-There's Gallo as well.

-Right.

-Leave Alsatian out.

-Yeah.

BUZZ

-No?

-No.

-Leave out Basque.

-Yes.

BUZZ Leave Breton.

-Yep!

-Right. Lovely.

Bogie, Coupling... These are parts of a train, aren't they?

What about whistle, coupling, bogie and cylinder?

-BUZZ

-No.

Pin, bogie, coupling...

BUZZ

-No.

-What about whistle, coupling, pin and bogie?

BUZZ

-No.

-A whistle's not actually part of a train, though.

OK, so boiler... Oh, boiler!

Bogie.

BUZZ

Oh!

-Coupling...

-Keep going with that.

Right. Keep looking at the others as well.

BUZZ

-Yeah.

-Press gang's still there.

Coupling could be the...

Coupling's a TV show as well.

-Yeah. Have we done that?

-No, not yet.

BUZZ

-You're halfway through the time.

-We'll try...TV shows, possibly.

Oh. Lovely.

Right, now we're definitely in...

Right, so what else could it be?

Um... Pin, chalk...

So something pin.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Long chalk, long pin, no... Um...

Chalkboard, pin board.

No. That's me done, isn't it?

Right, we've got three, so...

-We've got to go for... Oh, hang on.

-Whistle stop?

-Whistle...

-Whistle stop. Candy...

I now think we've got bogie, boiler, cylinder and whistle.

So what would the others be?

-Happy with that? Try it.

-Try it. Go for it.

-Yes!

That's it - you've solved the Wall.

Very well done, for four points.

OK, time to look for the connections.

What about the first group?

Um...

Well, they are regions of...

Well, they'd be people who live in certain European regions.

I'm going to need a specific answer

and I'll give you one more go at giving it.

Semi-autonomous regions of Europe?

That is just too vague.

I can't take it. They are regional languages of France.

-Oh.

-Of France - that's what I wanted to hear.

Next one - Coupling, Press Gang, Jekyll, Sherlock.

They're all TV shows.

Television programmes.

Now, you said yourself, "Will that be enough?"

and the answer is no.

-There's somebody in them all.

-Oh, yeah! Is there?

-Oh, hang on...

-Two seconds more and I want an answer.

-Benedict Cumberbatch.

-Yeah, go for him.

-Wouldn't that be lovely?

-He'd have been very little in Press Gang.

It'd be nice if he was in everything. No, but you're close.

They are...

Steven Moffat TV series -

that great writer Steven Moffat is the real connection there.

What about this? Whistle, cylinder, bogie, boiler.

Parts of a train.

Parts of a train.

Yeah, things found on a train, steam locomotive.

A whistle isn't a part, but things found on a steam train. Quite right.

The last one. Breton, pin, chalk, candy.

They're all stripes.

You've suddenly seen it, haven't you? They're all stripes.

The Breton threw you. What sort of stripe is that?

Isn't it the fisherman's jobbie?

Wide, horizontal stripes. Very unflattering.

You collect shoes. Not so keen on fabrics?

No, just shoes. I'll stick to them.

One doesn't get stripy shoes, I suppose.

I don't think they'd look that good, to be honest.

They wouldn't, really.

Wide, horizontal stripes look terrible on anything.

Anyway, you found four groups. That's very good.

And you got two connections, so that's a total of six points.

Let's bring in your opponents now.

Time to bring back the Cinephiles and see

if they will be Connecting Wall-philes tonight. 16 more clues

still need sorting into four connected groups of four.

Welcome back, Cinephiles.

You're going to get the Water Wall and two and a half minutes

to solve it, starting now.

-OK.

-Oh, golly.

-Kinsella.

-Kinsella.

-Mensch - that's a Jewish name.

-That's a Jewish word, isn't it?

-Klutz is Yiddish. Golem is Yiddish.

Nosh. OK.

-Muggins just means...

-Any other...

-Yeah. Er...

Muggins is a sort of name for an idiot, as is dipstick,

as is drongo.

-I don't know...

-As is...gowk?

-OK.

Gigglypuff... Jigglypuff and Bulbasaur sound like something...

Now we've got Irish politicians here, so we've got Kinsella,

Ahern...

-No.

-No? OK. Well, Keyes - there's an Alan Keyes, he's a politician.

Or Kinsella...

Sophie Kinsella, a novelist. Um...

Helen Fielding is a chick-lit novelist.

OK, well let's try and... Sophie Kinsella.

-Catherine Ahern.

-Yeah.

No, Caroline Aherne - she has an E at the end of her name.

OK, so those are three.

Well, she has an E.

So Bulbasaur, Snorlax...

They sound like characters from a video game or something, don't they?

Jigglypuff. Jigglypuff - that rings a bell. Bulbasaur.

So they're more than nonsense words.

-Er, I think so.

-They're characters from something, aren't they?

You're halfway through the time.

-I think that's right, though.

-OK. And you think they're novelists?

-Yeah, shall we try it?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

I don't know who Keyes and Ahern are.

That's it. You've solved the Wall, so four points immediately.

What about the connections?

First group - golem, nosh, mensch, klutz.

-They're Yiddish.

-Yiddish words.

-Words from Yiddish.

Do you know what they mean?

Well, golem is an animated creature.

-Nosh is to snack, a mensch is a true man.

-Human being.

-Well, no, a mensch is just a good man. And a klutz is a klutz.

-Idiot.

Klutz is a klutz.

Or, if you ask my brother, nosh also means something else.

I won't repeat it here, but I understand he gets very cross

if you misunderstand. Broadly right and all words from the Yiddish.

Next one - muggins, dipstick, drongo, gowk.

-Just terms for...

-Stupid people?

-..a stupid person.

-Yeah, for a fool.

That last one is a Scottish word, more obscure one there.

And the next one - Kinsella, Keyes, Ahern, Fielding.

-We think they're novelists.

-Chick-lit novelists.

-Female novelists.

Chick-lit novelists!

I mean, that is the broadly-used term.

I think it's a vexed one, politically,

but, yes, chick-lit or women's novelists for women.

Do you know their first names?

-Sophie Kinsella, Helen Fielding...

-Is it Marian Keyes?

It is, and I think you were a bit confused by the third one.

Yes.

We said Caroline Ahern but I think she's got an E at the end.

Not Caroline Aherne the comedian, but Cecelia Ahern,

daughter of the former Taoiseach, Bertie Ahern.

And the last one -

Snorlax, Jigglypuff, Bulbasaur, Ditto.

I've had a brainwave as we've been standing here.

I think a Jigglypuff is a Pokemon character.

-So they're all Pokemon?

-I think they're Pokemon characters.

I like the way you don't want the viewers at home to think

you spend your time playing Super Mario and Pokemon.

"I'm not sure..." "It could be..." Yes, it is.

They are all Pokemon characters.

So four points for the groups you found.

Four points for the connections. You get two

for getting it all right, as a bonus.

That is a maximum of ten.

Let's see how that affects the scores going into the final round.

The Cinephiles are up to 13 points

but the Footballers are ahead with 19.

And you'll find more Connecting Walls on our website,

where you can also write your own.

But we're going to play Round Four, the Missing Vowels Round.

Fingers on buzzers, teams.

The semifinal place will be decided here.

I can tell you that the first group

are all four names

for the same thing.

BELL

-Cinephiles.

-Panther.

-Correct.

BELL

-Cinephiles.

-Cougar.

-Correct.

BELL

-Footballers.

-Mountain lion.

-Correct.

BELL

-Cinephiles.

-Puma.

-Correct.

Next category, 2012 Olympic venues.

BELL

-Footballers.

-Horse Guards Parade.

For the beach volleyball. Correct.

BELL

Footballers.

Royal Artillery Barracks.

For the shooting, correct.

Next clue.

-BELL

-Cinephiles.

-Eaton Dorney.

For the rowing, correct.

BELL

Footballers.

-No...

-Too long, I'm afraid.

You lose a point. Cinephiles.

Too long there as well.

Earls Court, for the volleyball.

Next category, things represented by the letters OC.

BELL

-Cinephiles.

-Orange County.

-Correct.

Don't know this one.

BELL

It's Old Carthusian. Too late.

Next clue.

BELL

Footballers.

Twelve something...

No, no, no. You lose a point.

-Cinephiles.

-Twelve in hexadecimal.

Brilliant. Correct.

Next clue.

END-OF-ROUND-JINGLE

Well, well, well.

Nobody got Officer Commanding

before the bell sounded.

That means

the Cinephiles have got 19 points,

but the winners,

with 20 points, are the Footballers.

Very well done to you.

What a tense Round Four that was.

So you'll be back with us for the semifinals.

Look forward to seeing you there. Cinephiles, so close.

You've done so brilliant quizzing.

Nancy, it was great to see you again here with your new team-mates.

Unfortunately, that's the end.

And that is the end of today's service.

There will be a retiring collection for victims of the Wall Round

but if you want it to be easier next time, you better start praying now.

Goodbye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd