Teachers vs Scribes Only Connect

Hello and welcome to the Only Connect quarter-finals.

Two returning teams here, they know the rules,

they know the ropes,

and most importantly, they know where the loos are.

For me, it's like welcoming back some old friends,

in the sense I always ask old friends a lot of awkward questions,

before telling half of them to go away for ever.

For now though, as with any reunion, I'll be getting quietly drunk

while pretending to be more successful than I am.

Flanked by, in this case, on my right, Saul Jones,

a Henry James fan, who has a BA in English from Oxford,

an MA in applied linguistics from King's College London

and an MA in the history of ideas from Birkbeck College.

Emma-Louisa Mutter, an archaeology graduate,

who plays the cello in a string quartet

and follows Formula 1 racing,

and their captain, Chris Sowton, a cricket fan

who's the founder of an education charity

which raises money for child sponsorships

and school reconstructions.

They all teach English as a foreign language,

no surprise then that they are the TEFL Teachers.

Chris, you beat the IT Specialists in your heat.

Tell me about that game.

Well, we started pretty terribly, came back in rounds two and three

and just pipped them at the post in the last round,

so hoping for another close game tonight.

So the moral of the story is?

Do better to start with.

Excellent stuff.

Your opposition are on my left,

Holly Pattenden,

a strategy analyst and champagne aficionado

who speaks Italian and a bit of Greek

and is currently learning Norwegian.

Gareth Price, editor of a motor industry magazine

with a passion for exploring castles and museums

and their captain, Dom Tait,

an English literature graduate who enjoys novels by Philip Roth

and films by Alfred Hitchcock.

They're all expert at putting pen to paper, they are The Scribes.

Dom, you beat The Ciphers in your heat,

how have you been preparing for the quarter-final?

We went to a carvery next to a dual carriageway

and fired questions at each other.

It was magical, as you could imagine.

So, the moral of the story is?

That quizzing is more fun when you can't hear yourself think.

Right, I'll do my best to rabbit throughout! On with round one

to begin finding out who will make it through to the semi-finals.

You know the drill now, teams.

I want the connection between four apparently random clues. Scribes, you won the toss

but you decided to put the TEFL Teachers in first. So Chris,

choose your Egyptian hieroglyph.

-Twisted Flax, please.

-All right.

First connection is going to be available now.

They're picture clues.

What's the link between them?

Here's the first.

THEY CONFER

-Yes.

-Next.

That's the Temptation, that's Michelangelo's Temptation.

-It's about the temptation of Eve.

-Cot. Temptation of Eve.

Is it something Eve?

-It's Eve.

-I don't know.

Um, Sistine Chapel...

Next.

-It's cos.

-Cos lettuce, is it?

What's the first one? Cot.

-Cot, cos. So, cot, cos...

-Then Eve.

-Ten seconds.

-Go for the last one.

-Go for the next one.

-Next.

Three seconds.

BELL

Um, they all begin, C-O.

They do not.

-What are you looking at in the last picture?

-Er, corpuscle.

Yes, no, I see. The corpuscles's not directly visible there.

You should've said costume. You'd still be wrong.

Over to you then, Scribes, for a possible bonus.

No, we haven't really got a clue. Is it a connection with hand?

-As in hand that rocks the cradle?

-No.

What if I told you you're looking at a cot,

a painting by Michelangelo, as I heard you matter,

depicting original sin, cos lettuce and a tan line?

They're functions in trigonometry.

Cot, sin, cos, tan.

Trigonometric functions, or ratios.

No points then and it's The Scribe's turn to pick a question.

Let's go for water, please.

-JINGLE

-Music is upon us.

You'll be hearing your clues.

I want the connection between them.

Here's the first.

MUSIC: "QUEEN OF SPADES" by Tchaikovsky

Anything? Anything? No? No idea?

Next, please.

# Laying out another lie

# Thinking 'bout a life of crime

# That's what I'll have to do... #

Shall we go on? Do you know?

Next, please.

# Some people call me the space Cowboy... #

OK, so Joker, Queen of Hearts?

Yes, OK, yes.

Playing cards.

But what was the first one?

Um, it was, the five of diamonds.

It was from Tchaikovsky's Queen of Spades.

Playing cards. You recognized the Queen of Hearts

and the Joker, we didn't need to hear Ace Of Spades by?

-Motorhead.

-By Motorhead.

Coming in after three clues, you get two points. Well done.

Back to you, TEFL Teachers, for your choice.

-Two Reeds, please.

-OK.

I won't even tell you what I want to know from you.

If you don't know what it is by now, you're in terrible trouble.

I'll simply tell you that your first clue is coming up now.

THEY CONFER

Next.

Oh, the blue...

There's a blue portrait of his wife,

is it green, the green stripe?

Oh, that sounds like a toothpaste, but I don't know what the links are.

-Green.

-Green, it could be stripes, I don't know.

-Next.

Yes, It's the green.

-It's the green line.

-Yes, yes.

Green.

Line. Line.

-Green line.

-Green line.

You should've gambled and come in after two clues,

because you were muttering it.

Green lines or stripes.

You get that on your teeth and gums from copper poisoning.

Matisse's portrait of his wife has a green line running down it.

What about the UN ceasefire zone in Cyprus?

Between Northern Cyprus and Cyprus is called the Green Line.

You didn't need to see

the District line at the end,

the green line.

Two points as well, well done.

Back to you, Scribes.

The Lion, please.

OK, what's the connection here? Your first clue coming up now.

OK. Um...

In vain, master, unless, yes...

OK. Next, please.

OK. Is it around the pound coin?

Oh, very good.

But the pound coin has...

THEY CONFER

-OK, so shall we go for it?

-Yes, pound coin.

You'd find them around a £1 coin.

You would. Very well early buzzed.

-What do they mean?

-The second one means, "I'm devoted to my country."

It's from the Welsh national anthem, that's right.

The third one means, "No-one can hurt me with impunity",

which is the Thistle, the Scottish.

And I think the last one is "An ornament and a safeguard".

Absolutely right, from Virgil's Aenied.

You don't know the first one?

"The master, without in vain"?

GENTLE LAUGHTER

Mmm, you're getting your cases a bit wrong.

"It is vain without the Lord."

Very well done,

three points for coming in after two clues.

You get the points. TEFL Teachers?

The Eye of Horus, please.

The Eye of Horus.

First clue coming up now.

THEY CONFER

-Yes, I don't know....

-Next.

-What's that?

-Black Hole.

What do you reckon?

I think it's Black Jole. I think, I'm sure that's The Black Hole.

-Yes?

-I'm not sure, but I don't know what the first one is.

-Black something?

-It could be black but I don't know what it is.

-Next.

-No, I don't know. It's gone.

-Ten seconds.

-Next.

THEY CONFER

-I don't know.

-Three seconds.

-What do we say, black?

-Black.

-Black.

And why is that?

-The Disney film...

-We think is The Black Hole.

Captain Black and the Irish aristocrats, the Black Interlude

and...Black and Black,

-the well-known New Zealand comic duo.

-I love their work,

but unfortunately they're too obscure to be included in the quiz.

So there's a bonus chance for The Scribes.

Yeah, flight of the.

That's what it is, the Irish aristocrat exile

known as Flight Of The Earls.

You know Flight Of The Bumblebee

New Zealand comedy duo Flight of the Conchords

and the second one, do you know the name of the film?

-Is it Flight Of The Navigator?

-Flight Of The Navigator.

Why do you look embarrassed to know that?

It probably didn't come up in my international cinema masters.

Oh, I see. I love Disney.

And this being the BBC,

let me stress I also love other sorts of cartoon.

Scribes, you got the bonus for that and there's one question remaining,

the Horned Viper, so you'll be getting that.

Your first clue coming up now.

THEY CONFER

OK. Next. Next, please.

Brita water filter. Er...

So it is kind of brands but what links them?

Are they all from a certain country?

They could be Scandinavian, actually. Next, please.

That's America. That's a burger chain.

Could it be named after people's wives, maybe?

You know, companies named after people's wives? Next, please.

The companies named after the founder.

Ten seconds.

They're all female, so that's got to be some kind of...

-I think they are probably going to...

-Three seconds.

Companies named after the wives of the founders.

I'm afraid that's not the answer.

TEFL Teachers, do you want to go for a bonus?

Patented brand names named after the daughters of their founders.

I don't know if they're patented or not but you're right,

they're named after the daughters of the founders.

Sara Lee, the daughter of baker Charlie Lubin,

Brita, daughter of Heinz Hankammer,

Dave Thomas, who founded Wendy's,

his daughter was called Melinda

but she couldn't pronounce it, called herself Wendy.

Lily O'Brien was the daughter of Irish chocolate-maker, Mary O'Brien.

Named after the founder's daughters for a bonus point.

At the end of round one, then,

the TEFL Teachers have three points

but the Scribes are ahead with six.

What comes after round one? Why, it's round two,

although the sequences in the round will be a little trickier than that.

What would be the fourth in a sequence is the question I'm asking

and TEFL Teachers, you are going first again

-so please choose a hieroglyph.

-Lion, please.

You'll be seeing the first of a sequence in a moment.

What's fourth? Time starts now.

-No idea.

-Next.

Who's that? Napoleon, Nelson?

-Just can't remember what that battle was.

-Next.

Things that happened in 1912.

What's the fourth in the sequence, what happened?

Films about that, films made by James Cameron or something?

-What could it be?

-Ten seconds.

-What else happened in 1912?

-Don't know.

-Three seconds.

-BELL

Beginning of the First World War.

That is not the answer.

There's a possible bonus for the Scribes.

London Olympics.

I will accept London Olympics as an answer.

Tell me why you gave it?

We figure that Newcomen's steam engine was invented in 1712.

It was used from 1712.

Right, and then Battle of Borodino, 1812, sinking of the Titanic,

1912, and so we needed something of historical note in this year.

Something that happened in 2012.

We thought immediately of course of the Jubilee of Her Majesty The Queen

but the Olympics also from 2012.

What was your sequence there?

-We made it up.

-You made it up.

-It was a subliminal logic.

-I like you for trying.

If you want subliminal logic, you have to talk to me in advance.

Slip me a drink, tell me what you're going to say

and I'll tell you it's correct.

Scribes, you got the bonus

-and you may now choose a question.

-Horned Viper, please.

The Horned Viper, what's the fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

OK, next, please.

Cow, tiger. Is this Chinese New Year?

Chinese New Year? I can't remember, is it rabbit this year?

-It's dragon this year.

-Yes, it would be but I might go for the next one.

Next, please.

Yeah, I think as long as we say something like "dragonlike"

it should be all right.

-Or Draconian?

-No, that's from Draco.

-All right, fine!

OK. BELL

Dragonlike.

I'd have so loved to hear "saurian"

from the Greek, saurus, a dragon.

In fact, we'll accept dragonlike.

Draconic was the one we wrote there.

Anything that's like a dragon - and why?

Chinese New Year going backwards,

so this year is the Year of the Dragon,

going backwards it's the Year of the Rabbit, the Tiger and the Cow.

The Tiger and the Ox. Well done, you get the points.

TEFL Teachers, what would you like?

Two Reeds, please.

Two reeds, what's the fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

-Willkommen.

-Next.

Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome, in cabaret.

-I think it's the song.

-Yeah, yeah. So what is it after those?

Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome.

I don't think so, it just goes "in cabaret, in cabaret."

-In cabaret?

-BELL

In cabaret?

Do you know, that would almost be right

if we were using a different and very obscure bit of a sequence

but it still wouldn't be right, so I'm going to show the third

in the sequence to the Scribes for a possible bonus.

-OK, "Welcome" in Spanish.

-That's not it.

You got the connection,

that it is from Cabaret, the song,

but "Stranger" in German is what comes next.

Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome, fremde. "Stranger" in German.

I would also have accepted "Come on in." Why?

It's from Blazing Saddles! The stripper.

"Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome, come on in."

I was hoping someone would say that.

Nevertheless, no points given.

-Scribes, your question.

-Twisted Flax, please.

-Twisted Flax.

What is the fourth in this sequence, time starts now.

They are the monotremes... No, no.

They are unique to Australia.

Next, please.

Right.

-Next, please.

-Representations on something.

On bank notes?

Could it be... Is it something Australian?

It seems quite likely.

Or is it symbols...? Olympic symbols?

-Five seconds.

-OK, OK.

BELL

Wenlock and Mandeville?

The Olympic mascots for London 2012.

Have a look at the clues and see if you can rephrase that.

-So it could be two Cyclopses, couldn't it?

-OK, fine.

Two Cyclopses.

I'll accept it. They are meant to be drops of steel.

You almost gave me too much information there.

Wenlock and Mandeville are the names but we translated the others

into what they were meant to be.

They are Cyclopses, though,

they're strange creatures with sort of one camera eye.

Hideous. You get the points, well done.

-TEFL Teachers, over to you.

-Eye of Horus, please.

The Eye of Horus, what's the fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

-Could be anything.

-Next.

Monetary policies or something?

Fiscal policies? What's going to be next?

Inflation, and...

Doesn't ring any bells for a sequence.

Let's get the next one, shall we? Next.

Depreciation, inflation? Don't know, can't think of any other words.

Ten seconds.

BELL

-Inflation.

-Not it, I'm afraid.

A possible bonus for the Scribes.

Amortization.

It's amortization, that's right. Why is that?

Its from EBITDA,

which is earnings before all of these things

which is in company accounts.

It's an accounting term for judging

the true value of a company's profit.

Earnings before interest, taxes, depreciation and amortization.

One bonus point to you.

There's one question remaining, Water.

That's for you, Scribes.

What's the fourth in this sequence?

They will be picture clues and here's the first.

Snow leopard, or an ounce?

It could be an ounce, that could be quite handy.

Next, please.

What is next from ounce, anyway?

Pound. Is that Ezra Pound?

It could be Ezra Pound. OK, so let's do it.

Ounce, pound. We need to know the next one.

Stone, and then would it be a hundredweight or a ton?

Maybe hundredweight after stone.

Is it hundredweight?

Or is it just ton?

-Ten seconds.

-Hundredweight's before ton.

You want me to go for hundredweight?

BELL

-A hundredweight.

-It is a hundredweight.

They are imperial weight measures of increasing size.

That's quizzing blood, I recognise there.

You look at a picture of some sort of random cat

and say, "It would be quite handy if it was ounce"

because that's the sort of thing you'd see in a quiz.

Very well done for three more points.

At the end of round two then, the TEFL Teachers have got three,

but the Scribes are ahead with 15.

Tick, tock, it's Connecting Wall o'clock.

Scribes, your turn to go first

and you have a choice - Lion or Water?

Water, please.

Water, you've got two-and-a-half minutes

to try and solve this wall, starting now.

These are by Kipling.

That's by Kipling, I'm struggling for the others. Beano?

Oh, Kim.

Rem, rapid eye movement? These are sort of...

You can find these all on a normal keyboard, can't you?

Goto, Print, although Data you can probably...

Worried about GLaDOS. Bender is...

Hang on, these are all robots, Metal Mickey is a robot,

Data probably and shall I try GLaDOS?

Let's try a few others. Rosey?

-Beano, maybe?

-We've also got drinking.

We've got a Session, Binge, Bender.

So Bender might be somewhere else, OK.

What else could it be? Binge, Bender, Beano, definitely.

And session, OK.

GLaDOS must be a robot or the DOS could be an operating system.

Data and Rem are both computer things.

Bishop would have to be the robot, wouldn't it?

Yeah, but Goto, are you sure that that's the command?

I've never seen it written together.

Maybe these are not so much on a keyboard, but, yes, commands.

-MS-DOS commands.

-Yeah, that sort of thing.

So in which case, it might be, Goto, GLaDOS, Data, then Rem, Rosey.

Shall I try Rem, Rosey? Uh-oh...

OK, so I got it wrong. I think Data's a robot, frankly.

-Yeah, it is. Data, yeah.

-Star Trek.

-In which case, is Bishop the thing,

because surely Bishop can't be something used...

You've got a minute left.

OK, let's try that.

No, OK.

One more go, so press with care.

-And what's Metal Mickey?

-Metal Mickey's definitely a robot.

Data is a robot, yeah. He's in FX or something.

In Star Trek, the Next Generation.

OK, do you know anything about Rosey?

I wonder if somehow Rosey is linked to this in a very strange way,

maybe we go for Rem, Data Metal Mickey, and Bishop?

-Not long left.

-Yeah, I know, there's no other way... Are you sure?

-Yeah.

We've still got a little bit of time.

I would just go for it, so we have... Do we have..?

No, we don't have one more go.

OK, well Metal Mickey, and Data, and then Rem and Bishop?

-I mean, it could be GLaDOS.

-How about Rosey and Bishop?

-We've tried that.

-OK.

No, that's it, your lives up.

The wall's frozen, but you get two points for the groups you've found.

What about the connections?

-They're all by Kipling.

-Yeah, there are works by Rudyard Kipling.

Next one.

They're all ways of having a long spell of drinking.

Yeah, our question setters, puritans that they are say, drinking sprees.

I just say it's breakfast.

But you'll get a point, and you can get more

for the connections in the groups you didn't find.

So, let's resolve the wall.

They're not acronyms, are they?

OK, operational commands on computers.

They're on a keyboard.

I just... I'd have taken it in a heat, but I can't here.

They are commands in BASIC.

-Ah, OK.

-BASIC commands.

And the last one.

-They are robots.

-They are robots. Rosey, from the Jetsons.

-You didn't know GLaDOS?

-No.

-No cake for you, it's from Portal.

-Oh, dear.

There's two points for the groups you found, and three

points for the connections, a total of five points, very good.

Time to bring back the TEFL teachers, see how they

can fare with a whole new connecting wall.

Teachers, you're getting the Lion wall.

Two and a half minutes to solve it, starting now.

OK, so down the side, Japanese words, Kon-tiki is a raft.

-Pontiac, a type of car.

-These are bars in Paris, aren't they?

Moulin Rouge, Crazy Horse, Geronimo, what was the other one?

-Lapin Agile.

-Yeah, OK.

-Cochise, do you know this one?

International Man of Mystery's Austin Powers, isn't it?

-There are tribes of Native American Indians.

-Yeah, Apache...

Sitting Bull and Pontiac...

Sitting Bull is a person, rather than tribes.

There's Pontiac as well.

-Try them.

-Oh, no, Geronimo's a person.

-Yes, so people there.

It's also what you say when you chuck yourself...

Geronimo, banzai, terms aren't they?

You do something, rebel yell.

Yeah, good one. So...

-Three strikes now, remember.

-Kev, you've got time, OK.

Cochise, what was that, Native American tribes?

-So we've got two, and then Pontiac.

-Yes, I don't know.

-Captain Jack, is that in the film? The Pirates film?

-Yeah, that's right.

He's also in Torchwood.

-Kon-tiki is a raft. It is a raft, it sailed across...

-Yeah.

What's a Foot Tapper? Is that they slang term for something?

Maybe a cheerful tune, or something like that?

What's a Man of mystery?

Pontiac's a type of car, types of car,

isn't a Pontiac a type of car?

Maybe Apache? Kon-tiki could be. Cochise might be.

It looks like those four might get together. Shall we try that one?

-And those two?

-Yeah.

-You've got a minute left.

-No, because we've got time.

-What would the other connection be?

-Sitting Bull, are they played by the same person in a film?

-Maybe.

-Shall we try Apache?

-Try it. No, it's not.

OK.

We tried those, didn't we? Those four. Slang terms for something?

Captain Jack, sounds like a slang term.

-Shall we go with the Native American?

-Pontiac, and shall we try?

-We tried that before, didn't we?

-Have we?

-I don't think so.

One life left now.

A Foot Tapper might be the translation of that?

Nope, that's it for the lives, and the grid has frozen,

but a couple of points for the groups you found,

what about the connections?

They are all kind of bars or nightclubs in Paris.

Cabaret spots, or nightclubs in Paris.

Things you can shout when jumping out of a plane or bungee jumping,

or such things?

-In battle.

-Yeah, I'll take it, they are warcries, battlecries.

People do use them jumping out of planes, I suppose. Battlecries.

And you can still get points for the connections

of the groups you didn't find, so let's resolve the wall.

-Er, rafts, or canoes?

-100 miles away. They're hits by The Shadows.

I suspect you are not fans!

And the last one.

-Native American leaders.

-They are Native American leaders.

I thought you were going to say tribes,

I wouldn't have taken it, as I was tough on your opponents.

Native American leaders is right.

So, two points for the groups you found,

and three points for the connections, that's five in total.

Let's have a look at the scores.

And if you want to play some more connecting walls,

you'll find on our website.

If there aren't enough your tastes, you can even write your own,

but we are going to get on with round four,

missing vowels round, to decide that place in the final.

Fingers on buzzers then teams. The first group are all Paralympians.

TEFL?

-Oscar Pretori...

-I'm afraid you lose a point,

-there's a point for the Scribes.

-Oscar Pistorius.

It is the sprint runner, correct. Next clue.

Don't know this one.

It's the wheelchair tennis player, Peter Norfolk. Next clue.

Don't know this one either. It's the swimmer,

Trischa Zorn. Next clue.

-Scribes.

-Tanni Grey-Thompson.

-Of course,

the athlete Tanni Grey-Thompson.

Next category, inventions from Canada.

Oh, come on! It's Trivial Pursuit. Next clue.

Really, no? Instant... Too late, I started speaking.

Instant mashed potatoes. Next clue.

-Scribes.

-Paint roller.

-Correct.

-Scribes.

-Wonderbra.

-Correct. Next category, botanists.

-Scribes.

-Anders Dahl.

-Yes, it is.

-Scribes.

-Pliny The Elder.

Correct.

-TEFL.

-Carl Linnaeus.

-Yes, it is.

-Scribes.

-David Bellamy.

-Lovely.

Next category, Internet memes.

-TEFL.

-Rickrolling.

-Yes, it is.

END MUSIC

That last one was, Will It Blend?

That sound means it's the end of the quiz.

The TEFL teachers, after a great

performance in the series

so far, finished with nine points, but the winners,

and through to the semi-finals, with 27 points, it's the Scribes.

Very well done to you.

TEFL teachers, thanks very much for playing, it's time to say goodbye.

Hello and welcome to Only Connect, the cash-strapped BBC4 quiz,

where we make dozens of episodes in a day. What's that?

Wait for the lights to go down, and then come back up.

I'm sorry, I'm so tired, if I could just have a cup of...

No, no, no, I quite understand. I'm sorry, so what do I do now?

Say goodbye to them.

Goodbye to them.

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