Footballers v Second Violinists Only Connect

Welcome to Only Connect, the quiz so uncompromisingly difficult

you could put it in a bikini and call it a supermodel.

Our questions are so confusing you could put them

in flat-pack furniture and call them instructions, and our connections

are so well hidden it's like "Where's Wally" without the Wally.

Or is it? Let's meet the teams.

On my right, Barry Humphrey, an IT consultant

and psychology graduate, who supports Nottingham Forrest FC

and enjoys experimental theatre.

Michael McPartland, a civil servant with an interest in

Greek Mythology, who follows Middlesbrough FC,

and enjoys holidays in California.

And their captain, Jamie Turner, a traffic technician

and Huddersfield Town FC supporter, and failed clarinettist.

United by their passion for all things football related,

they are the Footballers.

So, Jamie, what brought the Footballers here?

I just think we're big fans of the show, from Series One.

We decided it was time to give it a whirl.

Hopefully all the good teams have already been on.

When it says you're a traffic technician,

is that just a way of saying traffic warden?

No. Don't worry about that. No, definitely not.

I design road schemes, so, the signs and the lines,

rather than issuing tickets to unsuspecting shoppers.

-That's much better. In that case you're very welcome.

-Thank you.

Let's see who you're facing? On my left,

Sophie Fitzsimmons,

a medical student who sings with the BBC National Chorus of Wales,

and enjoys hiking and reading crime fiction.

Agnes Henson, a psychology student at Cardiff University,

with a passion for comedy writing and playing board games.

And their captain, Rosie Howarth, a cricket supporter

who enjoys foreign language films,

and is currently studying for her BA in Music and German.

They're all members of Cardiff University's Symphony Orchestra,

and the play in the same section, they are the Second Violinists.

Rosie, how's your team been preparing for the quiz?

We've had a couple of team meetings

but they've probably more involved drinking wine then actual preparing,

but we did have a concert yesterday, so in the interval

we were all huddled round trying to do some walls back stage.

Excellent.

Wine can only help with the quiz. It always does for me.

Let's get on with Round One, teams, I simply want to know what is

the connection between four apparently random clues.

The fewer clues you see before giving me the correct answer,

the more points you get!

Violinists, you won the toss,

but you've decided to put the Footballers in first.

So, Footballers, up to you to choose first,

which Egyptian hieroglyph would you like?

Twisted Flax, please.

The Twisted Flax. OK, what's the connection between these clues?

First one coming in...now.

True Lies, go for the next one. Next!

Well, it's nought to do with Schwarzenegger, is it?

-No, we need to move on.

-Next again.

I have no idea.

It's, that one with Richard Gere where

he pretends to be somebody else.

Yep. True Lies begins with somebody else.

He pretends to be a vicar, does he? Go for that.

BELL RINGS

We think they're all films where one of the lead characters

pretends to be somebody else.

How does that work with the second?

Does Tom Selleck not pretend to be a vicar in it at some point?

I don't know, I can't remember.

Tom Selleck is pretending to be the

character he plays but that applies to all films.

-Yes, yeah, yeah.

-I'm afraid I can't accept it. I'm afraid I can't.

So I'll show the fourth clue

to the Second Violinists,

see if you want to have a go.

The Birdcage. Does it involve cross-dressing?

Yeah, maybe? OK, are they films with cross-dressing involved?

They do not all involve cross-dressing.

Now, I'm surprised, because you have

on your team, Second Violinists,

someone who enjoys foreign language films.

These are all remakes of French films.

That's what they are.

True Lies was made from La Totale!

Three Men and a Baby from Trois Hommes Et Un Couffin,

Sommersby, Le Retour de Martin Guerre,

-and the Birdcage is a remake of...

-La Cage aux Folles.

La Cage aux Folles. Remakes of French films was the answer.

So no points, but over to you, Violinists, to pick a question.

-Lion, please.

-Lion, what is the connection here?

These are going to be picture clues. First one coming in...now.

OK, is that an opera of some sort?

I'm not entirely sure what character?

Queen of the Night, maybe. Next.

-I have no idea what football team that is.

-No, next.

-Could be Chelsea, could be Everton.

-OK, lets... Next.

-It's Cleopatra.

-Is it Queens?

You think that's Queens Park Rangers or something, shall we try that?

Are they all Queens?

Tell me a little more.

Are they all Queen of the something?

They're all Queen of the something.

What are they all Queen of?

The first one we think is Queen of the Night,

is the next one Queen of the South?

Very well done, ladies.

I was very glad to avoid

throwing it over to the boys,

so they could say "We know that".

Queen of the South, the third one?

Queen of the Nile.

Yes, Cleopatra played by Elizabeth Taylor, and the last one?

-We're not entirely sure what the last one is.

-Queen of the Desert?

It is Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.

You didn't need it before giving the answer.

So you get two points,

very well done.

-Back to you, Footballers, to pick a question.

-Water, please.

-Water.

Ah, the music question. Everyone's favourite.

What's the connection here, first clue coming in...now.

SONG: The Clog Dance

La Fille Mal Gardee, but go on.

Right. Next please.

SONG: The Welly Boot Song

Next again then, please.

SONG: These Boots Are Made For Walking

These Boots Are Made For Walking.

-It has to be walking.

-Oh, the clog dance, it's about footwear.

-OK.

BELL RINGS

Footwear.

They are songs about footwear, very well done.

-What did you hear?

-Clog Dance, from La Fille Mal Garde?

-Mm-hm.

Then, another one.

Then These Boots Are Made For Walking.

That's right, the middle one was The Welly Boot Song,

from the Alex Sutherland Singers, that classic.

And you didn't need to hear Blue Suede Shoes. Footwear, well done.

Back to you, Violinists.

-Two Reeds, please.

-All right.

What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

Next.

-No idea.

-OK, next.

-Oh, I don't know who any of these are.

-Nothing that rings a bell.

-Shall we try next and see?

-Try next.

Ben Collins. Oh, we've got to come up with something.

-Something to do with fashion?

-Not fashion.

Or to do with...?

-Brooke Magnanti, I think she might be a columnist?

-A columnist, ooh.

-In which case, shall we guess columnists for...?

-Five seconds.

OK, are they newspaper columnists?

They are not newspaper columnists,

although there's a couple

I'd really like to see have a go.

So there's a bonus chance for you, Footballers.

Other than saying they're people pretending to be

somebody else, again... I think they've got hidden identities,

they've all got hidden identities. Ben Collins is The Stig.

Brooke Magnanti is the call girl, isn't she?

I'll be interested to see what happens if you give

the same answer to every question!

In this case you're correct.

They're people whose hidden identities were revealed.

Brooke Magnanti, Belle de Jour.

Ben Collins, The Stig.

Mark Felt was the chap from The Watergate Scandal,

known as Deep Throat, there.

And Anne Desclos?

Wrote the Story of O,

anyone know what the pen name was?

No.

Look at your lovely innocent faces,

quite right you wouldn't read that filth,

Pauline Reage was the pen name.

And I'd advise you get it out of the library as soon as you get home.

It's excellent.

So, that's a bonus point for you, Footballers,

-you may now choose your own question.

-Eye of Horus.

The Eye of Horus. What is the connection here?

Here's the first clue.

-They're not what's-its, are they?

-We need more.

-Mondegreens?

-No, no, no, next.

-I don't know.

-Tigers?

-Something Tiger?

-No, keep going.

-Keep going, next.

-What?

-Go for the last clue. Next again, please.

-They are. They are.

-What?

-They're misheard lyrics. Yeah.

BELL RINGS They're all misheard lyrics.

So in a way they're all pretending to be something that they're not.

Yeah, exactly that.

They are all misheard lyrics.

There is a word - mondegreens.

Misheard lyrics from songs. Do you know what they should be?

So Lonely.

So Lonely, from The Police.

-Scuse me while I kiss the sky.

-That's Jimi Hendrix.

Gladly the cross.

A hymn, Gladly The Cross I'd Bear,

and the second one.

It's worth saying to yourself slowly,

because you can really sing it to this. It's Islands In The Stream.

-Oh, right.

-Kenny Rogers.

# Ireland's industry. # Yeah.

Mondegreens or misheard lyrics. Well done.

That leaves one question for you,

Violinists, it's the Horned Viper.

What's the connection here?

Time starts...now.

Black and yellow, Buenos Aires.

No idea. Next.

-Flying?

-Some kind of....

-City colour?

-Or what the football teams might wear?

-OK, next.

What is black? Like black death or black plague, or something?

-Do you think there's a red plague?

-Yes.

-Shall we try the next? Next.

-Yellow. Taxis!

-10 seconds.

-BELL RINGS

Colour of taxis.

They are taxi colours in those cities. Yellow, for New York,

the giveaway there.

Taxi colours in those cities, well done.

Meaning, at the end of Round One,

the Second Violinists have got three points.

The Footballers are ahead with four.

Round Two is about sequences. There are still four connected clues,

but teams, I won't tell you what the fourth one is

cos I want you to tell me.

Starting with you again, Footballers,

please pick a question.

-Twisted Flax, please.

-OK, Twisted Flax again.

What would be the fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

-No.

-Next.

Are they Italian regions? But are they moving upwards or downwards?

Take the next anyway? Next.

-Lazio's Rome.

-It's probably going to be something like...

Basilicata is very low down, Campania's a bit further, Lazio's...

-Tuscany?

-That would be my guess.

Tuscany definitely.

BELL RINGS

-Tuscany?

-Tuscany is the answer.

They are coastal regions of western Italy going up or,

-to use the technical word, North.

-North.

Very well done and it's over to you, Violinists, to pick a question.

-Water, please.

-Water. Now these are going to be picture clues.

What would you expect to see in the fourth picture?

Here's the first.

-Who's that?

-No idea.

-Anyone? Next.

-Glass of red wine? Port. So, shall we go next?

-Yeah.

-Next.

Oh, it's parts of a ship.

Do we think? Bow, port, so...do we think, starboard?

-If that's... Do you think that's stern or something?

-Maybe.

-Shall we try that?

-Maybe the bird. Like you could say stern.

-A picture of a stern.

-No, no. Shall we start? Shall we try it?

-10 seconds.

-Go for it.

BELL RINGS

A star on a board, or something? Starboard.

It is starboard. We weren't imaginative enough

to put a star on a board. We've got the starboard of a ship.

-Who's that in the first picture?

-We'd imagine someone Stern?

-Or, we're not sure.

-It could have been a picture of me, looking stern.

-Do you know who that is, Footballers?

-Howard Stern.

Howard Stern. The shock-jock DJ.

So we're looking at stern, port, bow, starboard.

Going round a ship in which direction?

Have a guess, it's 50/50.

-Anti-clockwise?

-No, it's clockwise.

Very close, except you were wrong.

But, you do get the points for the answer, well done.

Back to you, Footballers, to pick a question.

-Lion, please.

-Lion, what's the fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

-No.

-No.

-Next please.

-Isle of Ely MP.

-I don't know.

-Go for the next? Next again, please.

-Oh, goodness me!

-Name an Austrian architect.

-Erm, Austrian architect.

Was it Richard Curtis that was the script editor?

What could start with Curtis?

No.

Austrian architect, Gropius?

But that's not going to work with anything, is it? Oh.

Three seconds.

Say something!

-Come on.

-Tom Selleck.

It's not Tom Selleck, so over to you,

Violinists, for a possible bonus.

-We don't have any idea.

-Right,

well, before revealing the answer.

Let me tell you, that the script editor of The Vicar of Dibley

is the lovely Emma Freud.

Her father, Clement Freud, former MP for the Isle of Ely, his father,

Ernst Freud, the Austrian architect,

-and his father was of course...

-Sigmund.

Sigmund Freud, the founder of psycho-analysis.

That's what we would have wanted to see.

So nothing for the Freuds. Violinists, what would you like?

-Horned Viper, please.

-Horned Viper. What's the fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

-Learning, yeah.

-Next.

-No idea.

-Next.

Oh, it could be like a hierarchy.

Yeah, what do we think it would be? So one would be...I don't know.

-Design, maybe?

-Should we try it?

-BELL RINGS

-One, design.

Not the answer, I'm afraid.

Possible bonus for the Footballers.

-Technology or something like that.

-That's not it either.

In fact, you're really going in the wrong direction.

These are sectors of the economy going inward,

so tertiary sector would be services,

manufacturing would be secondary,

primary would be raw materials. So, no points.

Footballers, what would you like now?

-Two reeds, please.

-The two reeds. First in a sequence coming up now.

Have to go next, don't we? Next, please.

-It's not set match, is it?

-I think we need another.

-Next again.

Grand Slam, surely? Grand Slam is something to do...probably bridge.

-Yeah, it's a good shout.

-Not thinking anything else, are we?

-Grand Slam.

-I like the way you feigned confidence there.

It seems much more authoritative.

And you're correct, it is Grand Slam. Why is that?

-Something to do with bridge, Barry says.

-It is to do with bridge.

They are the level bonuses of the contracts in bridge getting bigger.

-And what do you need for a Grand Slam?

-Skill, luck.

Arguably both.

All the tricks is what you need.

So, Violinists, one question remains. The Eye of Horus is yours.

First in a sequence coming up now.

OK, next.

Is it going towards us? Where is it?

What is it? Next.

-One Canada Square, that's Canary Wharf.

-Do you think it's the Shard?

OK, should we try that? The Shard.

It is the Shard. And why is that?

Is it buildings in London getting taller?

They took it in turns to break records

for being the tallest building in London, that's right.

And One Canada Square, wrongly

-referred to as...?

-Canary Wharf.

Canary Wharf, which is actually the area around it. Very well done.

That means at the end of Round Two

the Violinists are up to seven points,

but the Footballers are ahead with eight.

Time for the Connecting Wall.

16 mixed up clues that need sorting into four connected groups of four.

If you've got a computer to hand, perhaps you've been doing

some internet shopping or secretly reading your wife's emails,

you can play along at the same time as the teams on our website.

Violinists, your turn to go first this time.

-Would you like lion or water?

-Water wall, please.

The water wall, you've got two and a half minutes to solve it. Starting now.

Tequila Sunrise is a kind of cocktail,

but it's also a song by the Eagles.

-Are there any other of those?

-Maverick is someone in Top Gun.

Payback is a film with Ben Affleck in it.

-Chocolate for a bit.

-OK.

-Fuse, Fudge, Bounty, what was the other one Bonus? No.

-Kiss.

Maverick, maybe that was an old one.

OK, we'll go through those in a minute.

I think they might be chocolate bars that don't exist any more.

Maverick, Bonus, maybe Nome? OK, I'll try some of these.

You pay a ransom, you pay a fortune, you pay a bounty. Bonus. Reward.

You pay a premium, as well.

Salmon.

-Salmon could be a surname. They were types of pink.

-Kiss.

Tequila sunrise, indeed. I'll try some of these.

You can also collect a reward. You can collect a bounty.

Halfway through the time.

I would do more of this paying. Paying a ransom.

I think I've done all these.

I don't know what Nove is. I don't know what that could be.

Are they radio stations? I don't know if any of the others are.

-I don't think so.

-That's going to be with these.

-OK.

-We've done lot's of these.

-Is there anything else that could be pink?

30 seconds now.

-Try all of these.

-I don't know. Bounty pink. I don't know.

Payback is like revenge. You can kiss. I don't know.

Buy something with a kiss. Reward. Maverick.

Ten seconds.

Light a fuse, light a...

We've done all of these.

You're out of time, so it's frozen. Defeated by the wall.

Many have been. But you can still get points for the connections.

So, let's resolve it.

That's how it should have looked.

Now, let's see if you can find the connections for the points.

Maverick, Payback, Ransom, Tequila Sunrise.

Are they all films of some sort?

-I need more than that.

-Are they films with Ben Affleck in them?

I don't know. I can't think of any other.

Not Ben Affleck. If only you had guessed the name

of that loveable old anti-Semite

Mel Gibson I could have given you the points.

Not fans of his?

-Not really, no.

-It's a shame, isn't it?

What about the next group? Bounty, reward, bonus, premium.

Sums of money that you can pay.

Pay or receive. Forms of compensation.

Something that you get or give in return for something else.

That's right.

And the next one - peach, nove, salmon, fudge.

Are they shades of pink?

Nove absolutely isn't and fudge you'd be pushing it.

I think you're miles away. They are newsreaders on Radio 2.

-From Radio 2?

-Fenella Fudge,

Ricky Salmon, Charles Nove, Andrew Peach.

I don't listen to Radio 2.

Well, that's what they were, newsreaders on Radio 2.

And the last one - raspberry, fuse, fortune, kiss.

Former chocolate bars. We think they're former chocolate bars.

They're not, unfortunately.

I think there is a chocolate called a kiss, but they're not.

It's a word one. Things you can blow.

Blow a raspberry, blow a fuse, blow a fortune, blow a kiss.

So, you didn't find any groups

and I'm afraid you only got one point for the connections so that is one point.

Time to bring back the Footballers to see what they can do with the wall.

16 new clues still need to be solved into four connected groups of four.

Footballers, you're going to get the lion wall.

You have two and a half minutes to solve it starting now.

-Right.

-Odie is a dog. Rover's a dog. Lady's a dog.

-Lady's a dog.

-Bolt's

-a dog.

Odie and Spike. Rover, Lady.

Right, Rover, Odie, Bolt, Spike. Surely?

-Ren and Stimpy.

-We're looking for cartoon dogs then.

So it must be those.

Receiver, fullback, wing.

American football positions. Safety.

Let's see if we can get anything else.

We've got plenty of time, mate.

Ruckman, is he a footballer?

Pelt. Pelt, pelt, pelt.

Barrel. Dart. Hang on.

You shoot a bolt, you shoot a dart.

Do you shoot anything else?

Something like that. Hey.

Keep your hands to yourself now.

-I'll keep my hands away now.

-It's three strikes and you're out.

There must be some kind of sports position.

-Safety.

-What's the other one then?

-They don't have a wing in American football.

-Think of other words.

Safety pin.

Wing man. Stock man.

Ruckman man.

Plenty of time. What's a Ruckman?

I don't know.

-Safety catch, safety stock, safety.

-Pin.

-Wide receiver. Wide.

Right.

Some sensible three goes now.

We have to start guessing.

-Fullback, receiver, safety.

-Two more attempts.

Slowly, slowly. We've had safety and that.

-We've done that.

-You've got 30 seconds.

We've tried that one, haven't we.

-What else could we have here?

-Have to have a quick stab at something.

Go press. Just go pressing.

-Go with that.

-Which one?

-Safety.

-No.

-Not having it.

That's it. You used your three lives

and the grid has frozen, but you found two groups for two points.

What about the connections? Spike, Odie, Lady, Ren?

They're all cartoon dogs.

Cartoon dogs from Tom and Jerry, Garfield,

Lady and the Tramp, Ren and Stimpy, that's right.

Pelt, bolt, barrel, dart.

Nobody knows this!

I don't actually... I got it but I don't know why.

Go with something you can shoot.

Things you can shoot.

-See now, I don't think you can shoot a barrel.

-I don't think you can.

You can shoot fish in a barrel.

It doesn't hold together, but I think you'll kick yourselves

because it's a word one.

They're all synonyms for rush.

To rush. To pelt, to bolt, to barrel, to dart.

To move fast. That's what it is.

You can still also get points for the connections you didn't find.

So let's resolve the wall.

What about this? Stock, receiver, safety, sight.

-Part of a gun.

-Parts of guns.

There you go! There's your shooting clue.

They're parts of a shotgun.

It's probably why you were thinking of it subliminally,

as there were gun parts in there.

The last one. Fullback, rover, wing, ruckman.

-Positions in sport.

-They are definitely positions in something!

-I'm afraid I will need to know more.

-Is it rugby league?

-Or rugby union.

You're not going to get it. They are positions in Aussie Rules Football.

That's what it is.

But two points for finding two groups and you got two connections,

so that's a total of four.

Let's see what that does to the scores going into the final round.

Missing Vowels Round.

We take well-known names, phrases or sayings, whip out the vowels, squidge up the consonants.

I want to know what those disguised words are.

Fingers on buzzers then, teams.

The first category are all types of fundraising event.

-Violinists.

-Sponsored swim.

-Correct.

Violinists.

Bring and buy sale.

Don't know this one.

It's slave auction. Next clue.

Not this either, coffee morning.

Next category,

racecourses in the UK.

-Footballers.

-Epsom Downs.

-Footballers.

-Downpatrick.

-Violinists.

-Newton Abbott.

-Footballers.

-Aintree.

-Stronger on gambling then fundraising,

that is correct. Next category, advocates of women's rights.

Footballers.

Simone de Beauvoir.

-Footballers.

-Marie Stopes.

Tricky one, it has an initial in it,

Susan B Anthony. Next clue.

-Violinists.

-Emily Davidson.

I'm afraid you lose a point.

Footballers. Too long.

Emily Davison, no D, which is key.

Next category, items in a first-aid kit.

-Violinists.

-Rubbing alcohol.

Footballers.

Triangular bandage.

That last one was adhesive tape, but that is the end of the quiz.

So, looking at the final scores,

after an excellent performance

the Second Violinists have got 11 points

but the winners with 18 points are the Footballers.

Very well played, Violinists, just unlucky on that horrible wall there.

Thank you very much for playing.

Footballers, we will see you again in the quarterfinals.

Thank you for watching.

Please join me next time for another episode of the quiz

so devious that the police are currently digging up its patio.

So if we're not here next week, they found the hitch-hiker.

Goodbye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd