Trenchermen v Numerists Only Connect

Hello and welcome to Only Connect,

the show that's unashamedly intelligent - which is not to say

we're unashamed, but that's only of

the standard of dancing at our end-of-series party.

By the way, licence fee worriers, please take note -

there is no end-of-series party.

It's just me, dancing in a corridor,

waiting for the next series to start.

On which festive note, let's meet the teams.

On my right, Steve Donnelly,

a history graduate and former IT systems analyst who enjoys

hill walking and European travel.

Gareth Williams, a retired IT consultant who is currently

studying for a degree in photography with the Open College of Art.

And their captain, Bob Hughes, a leadership consultant and coach,

who loves skiing, cooking and doing origami.

United by their hearty appetites and passion for food,

they are the Trenchermen.

So, Bob, you work as a leadership consultant.

Do you think that gives you a natural advantage as a team captain?

I think I'll be able to bring out the best in the team, yes.

Probably by trusting them. I think that's what a leader should do.

If they don't trust his or her team, what chance do they have?

So you're carrot, rather than stick?

Oh, yeah, and if the stick doesn't work,

you hit them with the carrot, I think.

Absolutely. I don't even bother with carrots. I'm all stick.

Your opponents tonight, on my left.

Hannah Twitchell, a maths graduate from Bath University,

who's about to study for a PhD in medical statistics.

Dorian Lidell, a maths student who loves cryptic crosswords,

retro video games and Japanese cinema.

And their captain, James Wilson,

a trainee analyst and programmer with a degree in maths,

who was once ranked 430th in British tennis due to a clerical error.

They're all fans of knotty maths equations.

They are the Numerists.

You've probably got the maths covered. How about everything else?

-Well, Dorian's our etymological expert.

-Yep, that's me.

Hannah is our pop culture specialist

and I... My specialism lies in geography.

Let me just check...

None of those things are coming up. Never mind.

Congratulations, by the way, on your clerical tennis triumph.

-Thank you.

-Let's see how well you fare tonight...

..by playing Round One.

I expect you've seen the programme on TV. If you haven't,

shoddy research. I simply want to know,

what's the connection between four apparently random clues?

The fewer clues you see, the more points you get.

Trenchermen, you won the toss, so you will be going first.

Please choose a hieroglyph.

The horned viper, please.

The horned viper.

Ah, the music question immediately.

Normally, people's faces fall, but you never know.

Good luck. First clue coming up now.

CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS

Next please.

# Oh, no, sweet maid, I cannot marry thee

# For I have no coat to put on

# Then up she went to her grandfather's chest... #

Next, please.

# He'd seen the glory

# He'd told the story

# Of battles glorious and deeds victorious

# But now he's sighing... # Next, please.

# Stolen from Africa

Ten seconds.

# Brought to... # BELL

Soldier.

That is the connection. Well done.

What did you hear?

There was the Stolen From Africa...

Buffalo Soldier was the last one.

Scottish Soldier before that.

If we'd known the first two,

we'd have buzzed in.

The first one was from A Soldier's Tale.

Stravinsky, that was. The second,

O, Soldier, Soldier,

Ionian Singers and Timothy Salter.

Soldier is the connection.

Well done, you are off with a point,

and it is now your turn, Numerists,

to choose a hieroglyph.

I'll have twisted flax, please.

First clue coming up now.

No idea?

Next.

These aren't things done for good luck, are they?

I don't think so.

Next.

-Are they noises used by Foley artists...?

-Oh, yeah.

I'm going to buzz and nominate you, if that's all right?

But I don't know if it is for a particular...

THEY WHISPER

Next.

I'm going to buzz and nominate you.

-OK, yeah, that's fine.

-Ten seconds.

-BELL

I'm going to nominate Hannah.

Things that Foley artists use

to create sounds for television programmes.

That is precisely what it is.

Foley artists' sound effects.

Very well buzzed in, Numerists.

You get a point as well,

and we're back to the Trenchermen to choose a question.

Two reeds, please.

Your first clue coming up now.

They were stripped of their title.

-Shall we go with that?

-Go for it.

BELL

They were stripped of their title.

Goodness me!

Haven't had one of those in a while.

Very well done.

Coming in after just one clue,

you get five points.

They are people disqualified from something they'd won.

What can you tell me about them?

Miss World 1973 was Angie somebody,

who was an American,

and I forget her second name...

Juventus were the Serie A champions

disqualified because of the corruption scandal

in Italian football.

Phil Woolas was the MP

who did his expenses.

And the marathon winner

in the 1908 Olympics,

I believe hitched a lift

-for part of the course.

-He cheated.

Pietri had help from race officials.

The first one, Marjorie Wallace,

her name was, Miss World 1973.

Do you know what she was sacked for?

Had she been married, or something?

No, for dating too many celebrities.

I would never date a celebrity.

Inappropriate behaviour, I think.

In her case, Tom Jones

and George Best were included.

That was thought not proper.

Very well done to you, Trenchermen.

Excellent flashing answer, there.

Numerists, your turn to pick a question.

-Lion, please.

-Lion. OK.

These are going to be picture clues.

First one coming up now.

Is it a Fennec Fox?

Next.

I have no idea about that. Do you?

I don't know what that is.

Next.

-Who's that?

-What was the first one?

I think it's a Fennec Fox.

Do they all begin with a double F?

Yeah, that must be it.

-Shall we go with that?

-Yeah, go.

-BELL

They all begin with a double F.

Or have F-F in them.

I'm afraid that's not the answer.

I'm going to show the fourth clue

for a possible bonus.

-Llama so...

-Double letters.

-Yeah.

They all start with double letters.

That's it. It's double letters.

A range of double letters.

Aardwolf, Ooglies and a llama.

Just Ffion Hague that's double F.

In Welsh, and it's a Welsh name,

that's just one letter.

So you were close,

but it's a bonus point to the Trenchermen.

-Please choose your own question.

-Eye of Horus, please.

OK. Your time starts now.

-Next.

-Say it louder.

Next, please.

The Once And Future King...

Was it James?

-Or King Arthur.

-Shall we go next?

Next, please.

Speak up. You have to speak up.

-Divided.

-Ah, OK. Yeah?

Shall we go with that?

-In two parts.

-Two halves.

BELL

These are things that are divided

into two parts.

I'm afraid not. So, I'll show

the last clue to the Numerists.

Your chance for a possible bonus.

Divided into four parts.

They are divided into four parts.

I must say, if you could all combine

to make a six-part team,

you would be brilliant.

Four chambers in the human heart.

The Once And Future King,

a four-part novel by T H White.

Post-war Berlin, divided in four.

And this question, like all

questions on Only Connect,

divided into four parts.

So, the bonus goes to you this time.

And it is your turn - not so much to choose a question,

because it is going to be water -

but to see if you can give the answer.

First clue coming up now.

-It's a fractal.

-Fractals.

Should we just go for it?

THEY WHISPER

Should we go with fractal?

-I think we should say next.

-OK.

Next.

OK, we should have...

What's the property of the Sierpinski Triangle?

Next.

-Oh, they all contain smaller versions of themselves.

-That's it.

-OK. All right?

-Yeah.

-Ten seconds.

-BELL

Nominate Dorian on this one.

Do they all contain

smaller versions of themselves?

Like Matryoshka dolls are small ones inside large ones.

That is correct,

but I'd be really happy,

given you're a mathematical team,

if you could give me

a better word to describe that.

Oh... Well, fractal.

Well, the first one would be about fractals.

It's recursion, when they contain

smaller parts within themselves.

Last one would have been Inception,

the film with dreams within dreams.

Sierpinski triangle,

that's the fractals.

Atwood's novel The Blind Assassin has in it

a novel called The Blind Assassin

which has within it

a novel called The Blind Assassin,

and matryoshka is the Russian dolls.

Very well done.

So, at the end of Round One, the Numerists have got four points,

but the Trenchermen are ahead with seven.

Round Two is sequences.

There are still four clues, but they come in a sequence.

Teams, I want to know, what is the fourth?

So, you may only see up to three clues before giving me the answer.

Trenchermen, you'll be going first again.

Which hieroglyph would you like?

We'd like the lion, please.

That can certainly be arranged.

What would be the fourth

in this sequence? Here's the first.

THEY WHISPER

Next, please.

-They're islands.

-Yeah.

-Where?

-Japan?

Shall we go for next?

-I think that if it's Japan, then the answer is Honshu.

-Let's go for that.

BELL

Honshu.

I'm afraid that's not the answer.

So, I will show the third

in the sequence to the Numerists.

Can you tell me what comes fourth?

Hawaii.

I'm...

Yes, the Big Island.

I don't know what to call it.

But one or the other.

The answer is Hawaii,

also known as the Big Island.

They are the islands of Hawaii, getting bigger,

and Hawaii would be the big one.

Very well done for the bonus.

You may now choose your question.

Eye of Horus, please.

What would be the fourth

in this sequence?

Time starts now.

No idea. Next.

It's football, definitely. Next, please.

Are they teams played in...

I think, I would guess...

Is that what it's called? What's the name of the...

No, it's different, it's not that.

I think 2011-12 League Two.

-Football League Two.

-OK, go for it.

-I don't know.

-BELL

2011-12 Football League Two?

Absolutely brilliant.

We didn't put to 12, just 11

because you never know,

this might be shown over and over.

But I will accept your answer.

Very good. Why?

I'm not sure I've got this right.

I think it's the leagues AFC Wimbledon were in

but it might be something completely different.

That is absolutely brilliant.

I said to our question meister,

nobody will know it's AFC Wimbledon,

certainly not the sort of person

that comes on our quiz!

You just need to say it's a sort of series of divisions.

But they form different shapes, and

this is the rise of AFC Wimbledon.

Absolutely brilliant.

I'm impressed by that.

Trenchermen, game on. What would you like?

Water, please.

You may have that.

What would be the fourth

in this sequence?

Time starts now.

THEY WHISPER

Number of elements...

Next, please.

-Are they tarot cards?

-Tarot cards?

What is 13, then?

Shall we go for the next one?

Are we going to know it?

If it is tarot cards, are we going to know any different?

-So what would we guess?

-Death?

Could be. Good point. Shall we guess?

Quick, team. Come on.

Shall we go for the next?

Will it help us?

-Are we going to guess or not?

-Guess?

-Ten seconds.

-Go for it.

BELL

13: Death.

That is the answer.

Dramatic chord. Why?

They are tarot cards.

That's absolutely right,

and unlucky number 13 is death.

That's the one they turn over,

their face goes ashen and they say,

"It could be good news."

-And it never is.

-It never is.

13 is death in the tarot. Well done.

Back to you, Numerists.

Two reeds, please.

What would be the fourth

in this sequence?

Time starts now.

Next.

I know this. It's Jane Austen, the daughters going upwards.

So I think we had Elizabeth Bennet and then Jane Bennet is the oldest.

OK, go for it.

BELL

Jane.

The answer is Jane.

As I heard you mutter,

they are the Bennet sisters in

Pride and Prejudice getting older.

Which sisters are missed out?

-Lydia is the youngest.

-She is.

Are you a fan of the novel?

I quite like that novel, actually.

-How many times have you read it?

-Once.

But I've listened to the abridged

audio book countless times.

But that one, the audio version,

you're neither reading the book nor

seeing Colin Firth emerge

dripping from a lake.

That doesn't really bother me.

-Really?!

-Really.

That was the highlight.

Jane Austen would have been

so pleased to know that would happen

just a few short years later.

Very well done.

Back to you, Trenchermen. What would you like?

We'd like twisted flax, please.

These will be picture clues.

What would you expect to see

in the fourth picture?

Here's the first.

-It's a football.

-That's a handball.

Next.

-That's like a basketball.

-What is it?

Basketball, is it? Or is it a...?

We'll have to do next.

Next.

That's a basketball.

Put balls in order of size.

-It must be a football.

-Go with that?

-Go for it.

-BELL

And it's Association Football.

It'll be an Association football.

Why?

Increasing size of balls

in competitive games.

I'm afraid that is not a sequence

because an awful lot would be missed out in between

the clues you're looking at, so I'm going to the Numerists

for a possible bonus.

-I...

-Just say something.

We'll go with...

Too long, I'm afraid.

Now, we put a picture of a polo ball,

but I would have taken

a ball from any sport which is played four-a-side.

We're looking at handball, seven-a-side game,

volleyball, six-a-side,

basketball, five-a-side. Any four-a-side game.

I asked you why because for all I know,

association football is a four-a-side game. Is it?

-I have no idea.

-Is it?

-Unfortunately, it isn't.

-It isn't.

Then I can't give you a belated point.

No points for anyone there.

But one remaining question, which is going to you, Numerists.

The horned viper. What's the fourth in this sequence? Time starts now.

Positions or something? Next.

Still don't know. Next again? Next.

-Apron?

-Is it a wordy one?

-These must be positions in a certain sport.

We've already had a sport one.

But I'm not familiar with the word apron in...

Is it to do with positions on the stage, perhaps?

Like...front, for example? Cos, yeah, they use that.

So I'm going to go with front, or...

-Ten seconds.

-Yeah, OK, that's a good idea. OK, go for that.

-Front.

-Not the answer, I'm afraid, so Trenchermen,

there's a bonus chance for you.

-Erm, the orchestra pit.

-Yes, it is.

The orchestra or the orchestra pit.

I heard you mutter, "Is it a rugby question?" Thank the Lord, no.

We've moved off sport and into the theatre.

Parts of a theatre moving towards the audience,

last would be orchestra pit. Very well done.

At the end of Round Two, then,

the Numerists are up to ten points,

but the Trenchermen are just ahead with 11.

Time to play the Connecting Wall, 16 clues which may and must

be sorted into four connected groups of four.

The teams don't have to do that alone.

Well, they do have to do it alone, but you can also do that at home

if you look at our website, where the Connecting Walls will appear.

Numerists, it's your turn to go first. And you have a choice.

Lion or water?

-Water, please.

-Water.

OK, you have two and a half minutes to solve this. Time starts now.

-Winter Olympics, Winter Olympics.

-Profumo scandal.

I don't know, Lillehammer was...OK.

-Do the Winter Olympics.

-Is there another one?

Er, Chamonix, so there's five. I'll do them and you can talk.

OK, so there's Profumo Scandal. Any more scandals here?

-He was a politician.

-Oh, hang on, there's some theatres there.

Alec Guinness...

-Yeah, there we go.

-Three strikes and you're out, now.

That's in alphabetical order. Any others that...what could XYZ be?

-What could Lillehammer...?

-It's a town, is it in Finland?

-Norway.

-Rick Wakeley.

-Mike Oldfield is another person.

-Mike Guinness is a Mike.

OK. Iran-Contra?

I don't know what that is.

Is that a scandal, perhaps?

It looks like it could be.

I'm not going to press things.

XYZ seems to be a strange thing

if it weren't a scandal.

Do you think there's a scandal that would be...?

Lillehammer, I think, was something to do with ambush marketing.

I think the others might be Mikes.

Are they musician Mikes?

I've never heard of Boateng.

There's a footballer called Boateng.

Rick Wakeley is the only Wakeley I know.

Is there really a Mike Guinness?

There's an Alec Guinness.

There's Alec Guinness, there's Rick Wakeley...

-Shall we try...?

-Well, no, there's no point trying it yet.

-Musicians.

-Halfway through the time.

-So, we don't know Boateng at all.

-What's Profumo?

-We think they're scandals.

-He's a politician.

I think Lillehammer is the final scandal.

-We don't know the...

-We don't know the other one.

Unless they're members of...

Rick Wakeley, Mike Oldfield...

Those two are both,

like, old singers.

-You know, musicians.

-But they don't do anything remotely similar.

Rick Wakeley's a rock musician and Mike Oldfield's new age.

-Boateng's a politician, I think.

-OK.

I want to try it so that we've got some time if we get it wrong.

-OK, just try it.

-Try it.

-Oh.

-That's it.

You've solved the wall. That's four points for the groups you found

and there are bonus points, of course, for the connections.

So, let's go through them.

Hosts of the Winter Olympics.

That's it, Winter Olympics host cities.

What about the next one?

They're all theatres in London, I think.

They're all big theatres in London.

Quite right. Now, what about this?

We believe they're scandals.

It's not exactly what I want to hear.

I might give it to you, but it's not exactly what I want to hear.

Have you heard of any of them?

I've heard of Profumo.

I think Lillehammer has to do with ambush marketing. That's all I know.

They are generally known as affairs. I'm going to take scandals.

The Profumo affair, that was, do you know?

-I only know the name, I'm afraid.

-John Profumo,

the government minister, tangled up with vice girls and so on.

That was a scandal.

-Iran-Contra. You've literally never heard of it?

-It rings a bell.

-I don't know.

-You make me feel so old.

That was to do with the selling of missiles by America to Iran.

XYZ?

Again, no idea.

This is not to do with age, cos this is something from the 18th century.

And even I am not so old to remember that.

But that was a skirmish between America and France

to do with bribery in 1798.

And Lillehammer?

I know at the Winter Olympics there was an ambush marketing...

Nothing to do with that.

It was Mossad killing a Moroccan waiter.

But I'm going to take scandals

because they basically are scandals, but they're known as affairs.

And what about this last group?

-Musicians?

-It's too general.

-You said famous Mikes.

-Do you want to go with that?

-Famous Mikes.

Tell me about Mike Guinness.

I have heard of him.

-We don't know.

-They must exist.

I'm expecting to hear from them on Twitter any minute now.

But, no, they are British fashion designers.

Ozwald Boateng, Lulu Guinness, Bruce Oldfield and Amanda Wakeley.

They are fashion designers.

Not our bag, I'm afraid.

But you did find four groups and you got three points

for the connections. That is a total of seven.

Time to bring back the Trenchermen

to see how they do with the connecting wall.

Different wall, different clues

but must be solved along the same-principled lines.

Trenchermen, you're going to have the Lion Wall.

You've got two and a half minutes to solve it, starting now.

OK. House of Fun is a song.

-Madness song.

-So what else is there?

Michael Caine.

-Shut up.

-Michael Caine.

OK, what else is going on here?

-Lovestruck.

-OK.

Advance fee. Insurance. Brokers?

Fairground rides.

-Waltzer, Carousel.

-Teacups.

BUZZ

-BUZZ

-Leave teacups out.

Carousel, Pirate ship.

BUZZ Leave Waltzer out.

BUZZ

Is there a Vajazzle?

Have you heard of Vajazzle?

Is there...?

You take over, Jack.

Keep looking.

Jel. Reem. Are these words?

That could be word things

couldn't they?

Reem just screams of being

a word clue, doesn't it?

Double E. Reem. Meer backwards.

Is there anything with H in it?

You're halfway through the time.

Waltzer has to be one of them.

Carousel.

Not Rodgers and Hammerstein musicals.

Hair.

Something insurance.

Shipping insurance, life insurance.

What about D-Reem, is that...?

Anything you can put a D

at the beginning of?

That was a group.

Anything else a D would fit in?

A letter before it?

Yeah.

Something whatever.

OK.

We're running out of time here, team.

You've got 30 seconds.

D.

Words. Let's go for words.

BUZZ

BUZZ

Ten seconds now.

Tried all these.

BUZZ

-BUZZ

-That's it.

The wall has frozen but you got one group

and I'll give you a bonus point if you can tell me the connection.

-Songs by Madness.

-They are songs by the group Madness.

Bonus point still available, of course,

for the groups you didn't find. So let's resolve the wall. OK.

Are they forms of financial transaction?

So, a carousel would be methods in which people pay money

to each other.

It's some sort of complex financial...

-There is a word I have to hear.

-Fraud.

They are types of financial fraud is exactly what they are.

They're types of financial transaction

but, specifically, fraud. Insurance fraud, benefit fraud.

Advance fee is when you're told you've won a big amount

if you just send a little bit in advance.

Never do that, of course.

A carousel is to do with moving goods around between countries

-to dodge the VAT.

-Avoiding VAT.

-So, types of financial fraud.

Next one.

They're fairground rides.

They are fairground rides.

You just never put all four in the same group. You kept pressing them.

Not all four at once.

And the last one.

Shall we go with the letter in front? Anything else?

They can all be preceded by a single letter.

Give me some examples.

-D-Reem.

-And the others?

-They can all also be preceded by a single letter.

I'm afraid they can't,

but I won't say I don't respect you more for not knowing

that these are all examples of slang

from the TV show The Only Way Is Essex.

-Well, there you go.

-I'm quite glad we didn't get it.

I've gone up in my own estimation.

I suspect there may be something generational

going on here. You might be reassured to know that

your opponents had never heard of the Iran-Contra affair.

-Ah!

-And I'm sure they'd be shocked

to hear you don't know The Only Way Is Essex.

-Yes.

-But you did get one point for the group you found

and three more bonuses. That's a total of four points.

Let's have a look at the scores at the end of Round Three.

The Trenchermen have got 15 points but the Numerists are ahead with 17.

If you'd like to have a go at more connecting walls,

you'll find them on our website where you can even make your own.

We're going to play the missing vowels round. Well-known phrases,

names or sayings. The vowels gone, the consonants squidged up.

Teams, what are those disguised words? Fingers on buzzers then.

They'll come in groups of four. I'll tell you the connections upfront.

The first are all...

BELL

-Numerists?

-Air steward.

-Correct.

BELL

-Numerists?

-Oversized baggage.

-Correct.

BELL

-Numerists?

-Aisle seat.

-Correct.

BELL

-Trenchermen?

-Blue Channel.

-That's right.

Next category.

BELL

-Numerists?

-Cape of Good Hope.

-Correct.

BELL

-Numerists?

-Lake Malawi.

-Correct.

BELL

-Numerists?

-Atlas Mountains.

-Correct.

BELL

-Trenchermen.

-Great Rift Valley.

-Correct.

Next category.

BELL

-Trenchermen?

-Ralph Nickleby.

-From Nicholas Nickleby. Correct.

Come on. It's the Famous one from Moliere's The Miser. Harpagon.

Next clue.

BELL

-Numerists?

-Silas Marner.

-Correct.

BELL

-Numerists?

-Montgomery Burns.

-In The Simpsons. Correct.

Next category.

BELL

-Numerists?

-Bodice.

-Correct.

That last clue I know because I'm wearing three of them myself,

athletic support.

But the bell's gone off, which means it's the end of the show

and looking at the final scores, the Trenchermen have got

an excellent 18 points, but the winners with 26 are the Numerists.

Very good round 4, particularly for you, James. Very well done.

Trenchermen, I'm afraid it's goodbye to you

despite some excellent quizzing. Thank you very much for coming.

Please, join me next time for another episode

so nail-biting that at the end of it I'll be manicuring my elbows.

And with that hideous image, goodbye.

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