Wintonians v Quitters Only Connect

Hello and welcome to Only Connect, the show that makes Mastermind look like The Only Way Is Essex.

If you've just tuned in and you think, "Amy hasn't made as much effort as usual," then stick around

and let us give your brains a bejazzle. This is high-end quizzing.

There are no prizes for coming second and, indeed, for coming first.

If they're here for the cash, boat or the chequebook and pen, they're not as bright as they need to be.

Those hopefuls are...

Paul Baker, a finance officer at the University of Winchester,

who plays poker and golf, supports West Ham and runs a comedy club.

Andrew Steen, an English graduate and accomplished guitarist who plays in a band and supports Liverpool FC.

And their captain, David Norcott, a geo-archaeologist who enjoys maintaining his family allotment

and once dug up the oldest Bronze Age grave in the UK.

Alumni of King Alfred's College, Winchester, they are the Wintonians.

-How was the team put together?

-We were the only three brave enough to do it, really.

We've known each other for years. We put an application in, but didn't really expect to get on.

Imagine how I felt! Is there a motto at King Alfred's College?

-If there is, I don't know it. Is there one?

-Yes.

-"The bravest three can be on the team."

-He works there.

-I should know it.

Your opponents are Nathan Hamer, a music graduate who works as a financial services contractor

and as a semi-professional trombonist.

Andrea Lowe, a former investment banker who enjoys PG Wodehouse and going to the ballet.

And their captain, Rachel Pagan, a cricket administrator and umpire who plays the piano

and has seen every episode of Buffy The Vampire slayer.

They've all quit smoking - the Quitters.

-So, Rachel, your team will be in a foul mood, violent and shouting?

-Something like that!

Willpower I assume is a strength. What else do you have in common?

-We all like cricket and what else?

-Cheese.

-Cheese, yeah.

-Meat. That's good.

-Lovely. Let's press on with Round One.

I simply want to know the connection between four apparently random clues. You get more points

if you get it after fewer clues. Wintonians, you won the toss.

You have the dubious pleasure of going first. Which hieroglyph?

-Let's go with horned viper, please.

-OK, what is the connection here?

Your time starts now.

Welsh. What's 9, 10 and 8? Next.

Danish. Eight...

So it's something to do with measurements.

9, 10, 8.

8 & (½ less than 5). Next, please.

-4 20...

-They're just...

-Oh, my word. The numbers...

-10 seconds.

Next, please.

-8 and 90.

-Three seconds.

-Yes?

-We don't know.

-Oh!

-Or maybe we do.

-Do you want to have a guess?

-Is it...?

-No!

This isn't a coffee morning! Chat, chat, chat.

I'm going to accept nothing now. Quitters?

Is it something to do with their parliaments?

The number of representatives in them?

So 9,108 Welsh Members of Parliament? That would be great!

-Very representative.

-What a wonderful society it would be if there were, but that's not it.

There are some languages here. Any of you speak any of those?

-Might do.

-So what if I told you that if you said them out loud, French is quatre-vingt-dix-huit?

In German, you get acht und neunzig. It is literal translations of the number 98

in those languages. In Welsh, it would sound like 9, 10, 8.

Danish I'm not even going to attempt! But it is writing down the numbers as they are said

to make 98. Bit of a tough one first time out. Don't worry about it.

-Quitters, your turn to pick.

-We'd like twisted flax, please,

Ah, the music question! What's the connection between these audio clues? Here's the first.

# It's all right All right, girl... #

-If it's popular, I don't know it.

-Next, please.

'anyone lived in a pretty how town

'(with up so floating many bells down)'

-I don't know.

-Next.

-#

-The thrill is gone

-#

-The thrill has gone away...

-# I don't know who it is!

-I don't know anything about this one.

-Next.

-#

-Gimme all your lovin' All your hugs and kisses, too...

-#

-This is ZZ Top.

-Five seconds.

-So...

-Madonna?

-Two seconds.

-Go!

Er, the names of songs on the new Madonna album.

No!

I like it as a guess, but I don't believe Madonna is doing covers of all of these. Bonus chance.

We think they're all artists who have got a double letter the same at the beginning of their name.

Correct. What do you think you heard?

-There was ZZ Top at the end.

-And BB King. Was it AA Milne?

ee cummings. A good guess - anyone who lived in a pretty how town.

-And the first one?

-No idea.

-JJ Jackson.

Artists with double letters in their names.

-You may now choose your own question.

-Two reeds, please.

-OK.

What is the connection here? Time starts now.

-That's risks...

-Gamma radiation?

Next, please.

These have turned people into superheroes!

They have turned people into superheroes in comics and films.

With almost alarming speed you get the points! How superheroes got their powers.

-Which is which?

-The Adamantium one is Wolverine.

Cosmic rays is the Fantastic Four, spider is Spider-Man

and Super-Soldier Serum and vita-rays is one I haven't seen. Captain America or something?

-It IS Captain America.

-Oh!

-And which is the best superhero?

-Of those? I think...Wolverine?

-Yeah.

-Definitely not the Fantastic Four. They're rubbish.

-Absolutely wrong. Which is the best superhero?

-Spider-Man?

Not any of them! It's Batman. Batman is obviously the best.

He's a bat! That's brilliant. Well done, Wintonians. Quitters, it's your turn to choose.

-We'll have lion, please.

-OK. What is the connection here?

Time starts now.

Next.

-Both married...

-Played by Penelope Cruz?

-No.

-Not Estee Lauder.

-Next.

Dorothy Parker...

She's a renowned wit.

-Frida Kahlo, Mexico...

-Let's get the next one so we've time with it.

-Next. Elizabeth Taylor?

-10 seconds.

-How many times have they been married?

-Is it as simple as kohl?

-The makeup?

-Go on, then.

-Three seconds.

-Go for it.

Er, kohl, makeup.

-Kohl makeup?

-Yeah, Frida Kahlo on the eyebrows,

Elizabeth Taylor, lots of it,

Estee Lauder probably produced some, Dorothy Parker...I don't know.

-Ate some before cracking some witticisms.

-Is not the connection.

Wintonians, there's a bonus chance.

Are they the first four women to appear on the cover of Time?

No, they are not! I like the guesses from both of you,

but they are all women who remarried an ex-husband.

Taylor remarried Richard Burton, Estee Lauder and Joseph Lauter, who changed his name later,

Frida Kahlo married the artist Diego Rivera twice

and Dorothy Parker married the screenwriter Alan Campbell

-on more than one occasion. No points there. Wintonians, which question?

-Eye of Horus, please.

The eye of Horus. What is the connection? Time starts now.

A nagging pest. Oh...

Next, please.

Denied Soviet emigre...

Oh! Ah...

Next, please.

-A refusenik. Is it things that end with "nik"?

-Oh, yes!

Yeah, it's ending in "nik".

-All things that end in "nik".

-Brilliant!

You didn't need the last clue. Things that end in "nik". What are the words they represent?

-Refusenik.

-That's the denied Soviet emigre.

-Is it apparatchik?

-No.

-It doesn't end in "nik".

-We don't know.

But you got the answer. Was that purely from refusenik?

-Yeah.

-And the feeling that something with "nik" on the end would sound Yiddish, but we can't remember it.

-What about the 1950s non-conformist? Come on, Andrew...

-Beatnik!

Beatnik, of course! And Yiddish for a nagging pest?

-I haven't got a clue.

-No.

-Nudnik is the word.

They all end "nik". So well done.

Quitters, one last chance to score on the water question.

They are going to be picture clues.

Good luck. First clue coming up...now.

-Is there a name for that? Anyone know?

-No.

Next.

-That's a plasterer's tool.

-Yeah.

-They use it in bricklaying. Want the next one?

-Next.

-I thought that might happen. That's a mule.

-Kitten heel.

-Mule.

-Have another go.

-Mules?

-Not the answer, I'm afraid.

I must show the last clue to the Wintonians.

-They're all named after animals.

-Or living creatures. That's it.

I thought "mule" might just be an instinctive response.

-What are the other clues?

-The frog of a brick, a hawk for plastering,

-the mules and I think that's a spider rest.

-It is. On a brick, that's a frog.

-Are you a keen plasterer?

-I've got one in the garage I've never used!

-I know it's a hawk.

-Do you have a lot of unused DIY equipment?

Only the plastering, really. I gave up and hired a man.

It's important to show willing. I've got gym membership.

It's laughable, but it shows that you hold the theoretical possibility alive.

Well done for the bonus point.

At the end of Round One...

Time for Round Two - Sequences. Work out the connection

and tell me what would the fourth clue in the sequence be. Wintonians, choose a hieroglyph.

-Two reeds, please.

-Two reeds. OK, what would the fourth in this sequence be? Here's the first.

It's...

Next, please.

Is it Proverbs?

Is it something to do with...? But why are there numbers?

Next, please.

-Stripped of his garments. Is this the Passion?

-Oh, yes!

-Stations of the cross? Did Judas kiss him or...?

-No.

-Does he...? How many are there?

-There's twelve.

-Or thirteen.

-Five seconds.

-Just buzz in.

-Two seconds.

We'll go for 11: Put on the cross.

I'll take it! We expressed it as nailed to the cross, but that is the answer.

-What's the connection?

-They're stations of the cross?

-Yes!

-Jesus's journey. Do you know what comes after 11?

-Nothing fun.

There's death, taken down from the cross and laid in the tomb.

Representations of Jesus on the Via Dolorosa.

Well done to you. Quitters, come on. I sense that this is your round. Which question?

-We'll have water, please.

-OK. What would the fourth in this sequence be? Here's the first.

-I don't know what that is.

-I don't know either.

-Next.

Quintilis?

-Quintilia, isn't it?

-Quintilis.

-Is it something to do with numbers?

-Next.

-I'll keep thinking.

So it's going to be... septilis, isn't it?

-But Iun is not four, is it?

-It sort of is, I think.

-We're talking Latin and Roman. I can't think of anything other than septilis.

-10 seconds.

-Hep?

-It could be hep. What do you want to do?

-Heptilis.

-Three seconds.

Heptilis.

Not the answer, I'm afraid. Wintonians, for the bonus?

-We think it's Septimus.

-You're both wrong,

-but might be guessing for the right reasons. Why did you say that?

-It sounded like it meant seven!

-And we thought it was the order of sons you have.

-Oh, I see.

They are Roman calendar months, but September didn't have a funny name.

It's just called September. Iunius is June. Quintilis,

later renamed Julius, Sextilis was Augustus after Augustus Caesar.

September was the next month in the same language we use today.

So no points there. Wintonians?

-Eye of Horus, please.

-OK.

These are going to be picture clues. What's fourth in the sequence?

Next, please.

Sealed signature. Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours?

-We think it's, "I'm yours."

-Or a picture of something.

-How would that be depicted pictorially?

-A picture of somebody asking for their hand in marriage?

-No, that's hopeful uncertainty.

-A naked man wrapped in a bow?

That would be excellent. We went for a woman pointing smugly at her engagement ring.

Yes. "I'm yours." Why?

Stevie Wonder.

Signed, Sealed, Delivered... I'm Yours.

Pointing, pointing. I'm sure many people have fingers they'd show in return to that image.

Well done, Wintonians.

-Quitters, it's back to you.

-We'll have twisted flax, please.

OK. What's fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

King of Scotland. Next.

Malcolm II. But who comes after them?

-I don't know. When was this?

-Oh, it's going...

-Back a way?

-It could be James VI. Let's have the next one.

-Next.

Duncan... Oh, it's Macbeth.

-Macbeth.

-The answer is... I'm not saying it. We're in a theatre!

That's right. You get points. Well done. You no longer have zero.

-Why is that the answer?

-It's Kings of Scotland, in sequence.

That's right. Duncan I, of course.

Who'd have thought the old man had so much blood in him?

Killed off by the mysterious fellow you mention.

I'm just joking. Macbeth, Macbeth. Wouldn't it be funny if a light fell on my head right now? No.

Well done, Quitters.

-Wintonians, what would you like?

-Horned viper, please.

-OK.

What is the fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

-Excretion?

-I was going to say.

I think we should go for it.

Digestion...

Go on.

We're going to take a big risk and go with excretion.

Wow. I like a risk. Coming in after one clue.

You get five points. The answer is excretion or egestion. It means the same thing.

-Very good. And why?

-It's the order food takes

-as it goes through you.

-Stages of the digestive system.

Ingestion, digestion, absorption, egestion, or defecation or excretion. Very well done.

Words for excreta going angrily through your minds, Quitters!

One question remains for you. Lion. Come on, let's see you get points.

What's the fourth in a sequence? First one coming up now.

Douglas Coupland. Generation X?

Yes, probably. Let's have the next one.

-Oh...

-Let's have the next one! Then we can guess the fourth.

-Next.

-Female chromosomes.

-XX. XXXX - Castlemaine XXXX.

-Female chromosomes are XX?

-Yeah.

-Er, Castlemaine lager.

-XXXX - say XXXX.

-XXXX?

I'll accept your answer. We said Queensland's best-selling beer,

which is Castlemaine XXXX. Douglas Coupland's Generation X,

-female chromosomes are what?

-XX.

-And how does the third one work?

-That's a very good question.

-It's the 30th Olympiad?

-The 30th.

XXX. So we want to know what has four Xs and we went for a beer

-as I so frequently do.

-Quite right, too.

Well done. At the end of Round Two...

Time for Round Three - the Connecting Wall. If you're trying to give up smoking, play along online

at the same time as the teams. The walls are on our website.

I think that's quite rude while we're talking, but who am I to interfere?

Quitters, your twitchy fingers go first. I can give you a choice - Lion or Water?

-I think we'll have Lion, please.

-OK. 2½ minutes to solve the Lion wall starting now.

OK, right.

Here we go. Darn is...

-No, no, that's boxing.

-A punch, yes.

-Jab.

-Haymaker, hook and jab are there, but there isn't another one unless you count shoot.

-What about cross?

-I'm not sure. Oh, well done, well done.

What have we got? Dances? Have we got any more dances? Boogie.

-Climate change. Sea change.

-Regime change.

-Oil change?

-Hang on.

-Yeah, yeah.

You could do this one. We've only got one group.

-Just three lives now.

-Freak is a dance.

-Yeah.

-The Freak, the Bossa Nova, the Boogie...

And a rain dance.

-Blame it on...the weatherman.

-Blame it on the boogie.

-The rain!

-What's blame it on the rain? #

-Blame it on...

-#

-It's a song.

-Don't make me do it.

-Dickens.

-What the Dickens?

No! Darn, shoot, Dickens... They're all sort of, "Drat!"

Can I press those three so we've got it out the game? Blame it ons.

-We think.

-Blame it on the weatherman. Blame it on the Bossa Nova?

-I think there might be!

Shall we have a go? Darn, shoot, freak and Dickens? We've got time.

Dickens, freak, shoot and darn. Are they curse words?

-Replacements of curse words.

-OK, let's go.

-Are you sure?

-Non-sweary swear words.

-That's it! You've solved the wall. Well done.

Four points for the groups you found. Let's see the connections.

Cross, haymaker, hook, jab?

-They're terms for boxing punches.

-They are boxing punches.

Sea, oil, climate, regime?

-Something "change".

-You can put "change" after all of them.

Boogie, rain, weatherman, Bossa Nova?

-They've all been blamed.

-Songs. Blame It On...

I very much enjoyed your rendition of Blame It On The Rain.

Freak, darn, shoot, Dickens?

-They're all polite expressions for swear words.

-Exactly right.

They're known as minced oaths. Words that you use to protect against something else.

What do they say Dickens instead of?

-Good question.

-Devil.

-I won't ask you about the others.

Not at this time of the evening on the BBC, but Dickens for devil.

They're all minced oaths, polite swearing. So four points

for the groups you found, four for the connections, a bonus of two.

That is the maximum of ten. Very well done. Time to bring back the Wintonians.

Ten points available or fewer for finding groups and connections among the 16 clues.

Hello, Wintonians. You've got the Water wall. 2½ minutes to solve it starting now.

Sesame Street - Oscar, The Count, Elmo, Grover.

-OK. So another Sesame Street one?

-Cesar.

-Yeah.

-Shall I do those?

-Right, pub names - Lamb and Flag, Cross Keys, Prince of Wales, Green Man.

They're all pub names. Guy Smiley is Sesame Street as well. Got to be Guy Smiley.

-He's not anything else.

-OK, look at the other ones.

-Oh, hang on. These are darts player nicknames as well.

-Oh, yeah!

-The Count.

-Wolfie.

-Do that one.

-The Count, Wolfie, Silverback and Golden Bear.

-Golden Bear is not one, I don't think.

-What are the other ones?

-It's too obvious - Oscar, BAFTA. Or is it?

Golden Rooster is an award. Oh, these are film awards! Oscar, BAFTA, Golden Bear, Golden Rooster.

Brilliant(!)

Right. These have got to be darts players.

-OK, so we've...

-Sesame Street is definitely Guy Smiley. He's the reporter.

So Grover or Elmo.

-The other ones... What's Turk's Head?

-A pub.

-We're halfway through the time.

-There's loads of pub names here.

Are they pubs in TV shows or...?

I've obviously just missed one.

Well, there's Oscar, BAFTA, Golden Bear and Golden Rooster, but we've already put those.

-Is there a Green Man award?

-Go for it, go for it.

I think these are definitely... Is a Cesar...?

-Oh, BAFTA, Cesar, Golden Rooster, Golden...

-Yes!

-Just three lives now, remember, so press carefully.

-Who's Guy Smiley?

-These are Sesame Street characters.

-What does he do?

-Interviewer.

That's it. You've solved the wall. Very well done. That's four points. Let's look for the connections.

The Count, Silverback, Prince of Wales, Wolfie?

-They're dart players' nicknames.

-Yes. Can you tell me which players?

-Ted Hankey.

-Is The Count.

-Wolfie is Martin Adams.

-Yes.

-Silverback... I can picture him.

-O'Shea?

-Tony O'Shea.

-And the Prince of Wales?

-Don't know.

-Richie Burnett.

I like a darts player. I remember once reading when I was a child about Jocky Wilson.

It was from the Sun, I think. "A real man, Jocky enjoys drinking eight pints a day."

That was what I learned the definition of a real man was.

And so it is. Very well done.

Cesar, BAFTA, Golden Bear, Golden Rooster?

-Film awards.

-Major film awards.

-Golden Rooster is slightly more obscure.

-France, is it?

-Exactly - China!

And the next group.

Oscar, Grover, Guy Smiley, Elmo?

-Sesame Street characters.

-They are from Sesame Street.

Finally, Lamb and Flag, Cross Keys, Green Man, Turk's Head?

-Is it just pub names?

-Just pubs.

-Just pub names.

-They are just pub names. The tricky bit was there were so many possible pub names.

But those are the ones. That's all they are.

I say "all". What could be more beautiful and melodious,

like song beckoning you onto the rocks? You found four groups.

Four points. The connections are four more, with a bonus of two.

That is a maximum of ten points. Let's see how that leaves the scores for the final round.

If you don't have a life, there are plenty more connecting walls and the chance to write your own,

which can kill months at a time.

We are going to play Round Four - Missing Vowels. Vowels are removed and the consonants squidged up.

What are the disguised words?

Fingers on buzzers. The first group are all...

Oxford English Dictionary.

Who's Who.

Whitaker's Almanack.

-No, sorry.

-I'm afraid you lose a point. Wintonians?

Too long. It's my favourite. Football For Dummies.

Next category:

Molasses.

-Egg yolks.

-Yummy!

-Green leaf vegetables.

-Lose a point.

-Wintonians?

-Green LEAFY vegetables.

Eurgh!

Next clue.

Dried fruit.

Next category:

Double bass.

-B-Bouzouki.

-I'll take it.

-Oud?

-Yes.

Acoustic guitar.

Next category:

Grendel.

-I was going to say Jabberwock.

-Lose a point. Quitters?

From Jabberwocky, the Jub Jub Bird.

Next clue:

-Questing Beast.

-Yes, it is. Next clue...

I won't be asking what that is. It's The Gruffalo.

End of the quiz. Looking at the final scores...

The Quitters have got 18 points,

but the winners with 34 are the Wintonians.

You're into the quarter-finals. Quitters, we're saying goodbye,

but you've given up smoking! Very well done. Thanks for playing.

Please join me next time

and if the questions seem easier, you're getting smarter... or watching a repeat. Goodbye.

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