Accountants v Cinephiles Only Connect

Hello and welcome to Only Connect, the quiz for purists.

We shun the nonsense of other shows. We don't have gimmicks or prizes.

In this building, every corner is Dictionary Corner. We also have Encyclopaedic Floors,

Academic Doorways and a Theoretical Fire Exit. Good luck if you hear an alarm.

With that comforting thought, let's meet the teams.

On my right, Itzhak Matthai, a classic graduate with an interest in mythology and world cinema.

Drew Firth, a keen rower and amateur thespian who likes the work of Richard Dawkins.

And their captain, Thomas Gough, a chemistry graduate who enjoys running and Somerset County cricket.

They all work at a leading accountancy firm - The Accountants.

-If accountancy comes up, you'll be all right. And other subjects?

-We've run the numbers and we're happy.

-Do you have individual areas of expertise?

-Itzhak's got some mythology and classics covered

and Drew likes the theatre. I don't really know my role.

A Richard Dawkins fan, so God is not on your side. Let's hope Google is.

Who are you facing? Howard Kelly, a civil servant who enjoys detective fiction and finishing crosswords.

Tim Catlin, a bar manager with an interest in historical research, folk music and French cuisine.

And their captain, Nancy Dickmann, a children's publisher and keen astronomer who has no telescope,

but does have a degree in cinema history from Chicago.

They're all huge film buffs - The Cinephiles.

Nancy, you'll look familiar to some. Remind us of your previous visit.

I think you called us "eviscerated bears" after we got annihilated by the Crossworders.

-You had a team of former Mastermind champions.

-That's right.

-But quailed before the mighty Crossworders.

-Who doesn't?

-Who doesn't? Even I do in the canteen.

Is there any quailing tonight? We'll kick off with Round One, as I think you'd expect.

What is the connection between four clues?

The fewer clues you see before answering, the more points you get.

Cinephiles, you're going first. Please choose your hieroglyph.

-Twisted flax, please.

-What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

-What could Ladybird be?

-Books?

Possibly. It could be. Next, please.

Cockroach... Ah! Colours of blood? I thought ladybirds had green blood.

-Shall we try one more?

-Yeah.

-Next, please.

-Yes.

-OK.

-It's the colours of blood.

-That's right. The colours of their blood.

Yellow in a ladybird, colourless in a cockroach, Spock has green blood

and you, according to my screen, have red blood. I won't test it. Why does Spock have green blood?

Presumably because he's a Vulcan. There must be more.

There's more to it than that. Do you know over there?

-No.

-It has copper in it. It doesn't, obviously - he's a fictional character.

That's the idea. Well done, Cinephiles. Two points.

-Accountants, your turn to choose.

-Lion, please.

-Lion. What's the connection here?

You'll see pictures. How are they linked? Here's the first one.

Is that some kind of spatula? Next, please.

-OK, it's a spoon.

-With a serrated edge

for eating grapefruit. Is the first one a grapefruit device?

-It's for coring.

-Next, please.

That's a melon baller. Have they all got something to do with fruit?

-They're all spoons that have a fruit in their name.

-It's not the answer.

A bonus chance for the Cinephiles. I'll show you the last clue.

-That's a garlic press.

-I can't give you too long.

They're all kitchen implements, but I know that's not specific enough.

It's not specific enough. What did you think the first one was?

I thought it was a spatula you used in a chemistry lab.

That first picture is a lobster pick. And a lobster is not formally a fruit.

A grapefruit spoon, melon baller and garlic press. They're utensils for a particular foodstuff.

So no points there.

-Cinephiles, please choose a question.

-Horned viper, please.

-What's the connection here?

Your time starts now.

-Is that a novel, isn't it? By...

-I'm not sure.

-Maybe not.

Next, please.

Electrocuted by hospital generator? Got to be the way people have died.

-That doesn't ring a bell.

-In what context?

-I don't know. Next, please.

Squashed by a cartload of underpants?!

-Is that ways that Kenny's died?

-Oh!

-South Park.

-That's very good.

-10 seconds.

We think it's ways that Kenny has died in South Park.

The fourth clue would have been shot by Mr Garrison. It's ways in which they killed Kenny in South Park.

Touched by Death, electrocuted, squashed and shot. Not Tom and Jerry, is it? You get the points.

-Accountants, your turn.

-Two reeds, please.

-What's the connection between these four clues?

Here's the first.

Who could that be? Who would be an academic bookseller?

Next, please.

-Tadcaster brewer is Sam Smith.

-Oh, yeah.

Could he also be a bookseller? Should we buzz in?

-Is it Sam Smith?

-That's not the answer.

I'll show two more clues to the Cinephiles. Can you tell me what the connection is?

It's Smith. They're all named Smith.

I'm not going to accept that. The other team had said Sam Smith.

I had to hear John Smith. Smith alone is not enough.

John Smith and Sons, that first one. The world's oldest bookshop in continuous business.

Tadcaster brewer is also John Smith, Pocahontas and the Labour leader for those two years.

John Smith is what I wanted. Cinephiles, your turn.

-Water, please.

-Water. Ah! The music round or question.

What's the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

-MILITARY MARCH

-Do you know what that is?

-No.

-Pass, then.

-Er, next.

CLASSICAL SINGING

I don't recognise that either.

-Tim?

-No. Next.

-No? Next.

-Next.

CIRCUS MUSIC

-That's...

-The circus?

-Possibly. Shall we have the last one?

Next.

# Do you have the courage of a hero? #

-10 seconds.

-Haven't a clue. Do you want to go for that? We haven't got anything better.

-Something to do with the circus? Possibly?

-I'm afraid it's not.

-Bonus chance, Accountants.

-We'd go for theme tunes of game shows.

That's not it, either. That last ghastly piece was the theme from Gladiators.

The others were The Gladiator March, the Theme from the film Gladiator

and that one where you thought of clowns - Entry of the Gladiators.

So gladiators was the link there. No points.

Accountants, you've only got one to choose, so I'll choose it for you. Your first clue is coming up now.

"..subject to their owl husbands"?

Next.

It's not epitaphs or something?

Yeah, they could... Shall we...? Next, please.

"Go and sin on more." It could be epitaphs.

-I'm not sure. Is it worth seeing the next one?

-Yeah.

-Next, please.

10 seconds.

-From the... Spike Milligan?

-Spike Milligan?

-Three seconds.

-Are they Spike Milligan quotes?

-They are not.

That'd be lovely. Cinephiles?

Yes, I think it is famous misprints in editions of the Bible.

That's exactly what it is. The first should say, "..subjection to their OWN husbands," from 1944.

The others are 17th and 18th Bible misprints

What should they be? You, Mr Firth, the Dawkins fan. I'll ask you.

-What about that second clue?

-Em...I'm not sure about the second one.

I can see what the others should be,

but I don't think... I'm not familiar enough with the Bible!

The second is Psalm 119. "Princes have persecuted me."

-What about the third one?

-"Go and sin NO more."

-Very good. And the last one?

-"Thou shalt NOT..."

Very good. I'm glad that has filtered through the heathen Dawkins. Excellent.

At the end of Round One, after some brave early buzzing,

the Accountants have no points.

The Cinephiles are ahead with five.

Round Two, the sequences round. I want the fourth in a sequence.

You may see up to three clues before giving me the answer.

-Cinephiles, you'll be going first again.

-Twisted flax, please.

Twisted flax. It's a picture series. What do you expect would be fourth?

-Here's the first.

-It's the Brooklyn Bridge.

-I believe.

-Looks like it.

-Next, please.

-Who's that?

-Is that Romeo? Oh!

These are the Beckhams' sons. Brooklyn, Romeo, Cruz...

-and Harper.

-Harper Seven.

-A picture of Harper Lee or...?

-Harper Seven.

-Yeah, her name's Harper.

-It is a picture of Harper Lee. Why?

These are the Beckhams' children. Brooklyn, Romeo, Cruz and Harper.

That's it. The children of David and Victoria Beckham. And the youngest is...what's the time? Harper Seven.

Imagine how happy our question editor was when they had a fourth child.

"A sequence!" he cried, toasting them with champagne.

-Over to you, Accountants.

-Eye of Horus, please.

-What would be fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

-Three is Edinburgh...

-We're looking at three, two, one, zero.

Let's see the next one, please. Four is Glasgow.

It could be...not motorways. Could they be railway terminuses?

Could they be, in size, Scottish cities?

-English cities in size...

-Three, four...

-Next, please.

Five is Liverpool. So it's got to be six and a British city.

-10 seconds.

-They're in decreasing size. Manchester's bigger than Liverpool. Newcastle?

-Three seconds.

-Six equals Manchester?

You're off the blocks, you get the point. Very well done. Six equals Manchester. Why is that?

They're UK cities in decreasing order of population?

-1 and 2 would be London and Birmingham.

-Interesting theory.

That's not the answer. They are, in fact, dialling codes.

0131 for Edinburgh, 41 for Glasgow, 51 for Liverpool.

If you wanted to phone someone in Manchester and not use their mobile, 0161. You get the points.

-Back to the Cinephiles.

-Horned viper, please.

-What's the fourth in this sequence?

-Here's the first.

-James...

-Go for the next one.

-Next.

Louise. Names of... Who are some famous Louises?

-There aren't many, are there?

-No. Go for the next one.

-Next, please.

-Ah!

-Eugenie...

-She's a princess. Lady Louise Windsor.

So these are reverse order of succession. Beatrix will be next.

-Yeah.

-OK.

-Eh, Beatrix. Beatrice, sorry.

-Beatrice is correct for 2 points.

-Why is that?

-I think these are the Queen's grandchildren in reverse age order.

-Starting with the youngest, James. James is the son of whom?

-Edward.

That's right. Prince Edward and Sophie. What's his title?

-The Earl of Wessex.

-That's Edward. James is Viscount Severn.

Just making sure that you know our Royal Family children as well as you do the Beckhams.

-Accountants, what would you like?

-Two reeds, please.

-What's fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Scarlet fever? Scarlet...

Em, next.

Four. Are they books in a sequence? Scarlet, Four...

-A Study In Scarlet.

-Em, next, please.

Yeah, it's Sherlock Holmes. A Study In Scarlet, Hound of the Baskervilles.

-What was it called?

-Is it the last words?

-Yeah. So the last book he wrote.

-10 seconds.

-The Reichstag... What's it called?

-Guess that.

Three seconds.

-Reichstag? Reichstag?

-I'm afraid that is not the answer.

-We'll go over to the Cinephiles, possible bonus?

-Is it Fear?

-It is Fear. I thought Mr Kelly might get this one.

-He did.

-Why is it Fear?

-They're the Sherlock Holmes novels' last words

-of the titles.

-That's right.

After The Hound Of The Baskervilles, The Valley Of Fear.

Why did you go with the Reichstag there?

I got the connection, but I forgot the name of the last book.

Were you thinking of The Reichenbach Falls?

That's exactly what I was thinking of.

Not the title of the story, is it? It's called...

-The Final Problem.

-You were in the zone.

Except you said Reichstag instead of Reichenbach

and that's not the book's title, but otherwise, a flawless answer.

-Cinephiles, your own question then.

-Lion, please.

-Lion.

First of a sequence coming up now.

It's some sort of schedule. That's army times, isn't it?

-Watches?

-Is it what?

-Watches.

-Let's go for another one.

-Next, please.

-Forenoon, yeah, I bet it is.

-It's watches.

-Yeah.

So four hours would be noon,

then the last one would be 1600, so what would that be called?

I don't know. Do you know?

-Dog watch?

-That's at night, I think. Is it just "afternoon"?

-Next, please.

-Ten seconds.

Oh, that's afternoon.

1600 - what do you want to call it?

Three seconds.

1600: dog watch?

I'll take it. I'd like to have heard 1600: first dog.

They are naval watches, but "dog" or anything in that area

would be right for that watch. Well done just with three seconds to go.

So one question remaining for you, Accountants.

It's Water. First of a sequence coming up now.

-Extrait.

-"Extrait" is the French for "extract".

-Stage direction?

-Shall we see what the next one is?

-Yeah.

-Next, please.

Eau de parfum. Oh, it's, um... It's...

-Extrait is really strong.

-Yeah, OK.

Then you'd have eau de parfum, eau de cologne.

-They're getting stronger.

-Eau de toilette as well?

-Yeah. Next, please

-Something that's just the essence.

-Ten seconds.

-Essence?

-I'm afraid that's not it, so over to the Cinephiles

for a possible bonus.

-Eau de cologne?

-We could try that.

-Eau de cologne?

-It is eau de cologne.

I know, Accountants, you know what that is. You were talking about it.

They're commonly available strengths of fragrance getting weaker,

and weaker than eau de toilette would be eau de cologne,

meaning at the end of Round Two:

Time for the Connecting Wall, 16 clues all jumbled up. If you don't know what I'm talking about,

you probably won't want to play along,

but if you do and do, it's on our website.

Accountants, I hope you're familiar with this round. You get the choice, Lion or Water.

-Which would you like?

-Water, please.

Water. Two and a half minutes to solve it, starting now.

OK, types of architecture - Gothic, vault.

It's an archway, isn't it, so...

Then we've got towns in, um...

Kendal, Barrow, Cockermouth.

-Are they in the Lakes?

-Yeah, could be.

No.

Millom?

-Um...

-No.

-OK, True Blue is a movie about rowing.

-OK.

Holiday is a movie?

Yeah, OK.

-I don't see any other movies I recognise. Do you know what mastaba is?

-No.

Borderline might be a sports movie, True Blue...

OK...

Pole vault, pole...

What would Millom be with an M? What's that?

It must be a name.

-Is that a town?

-I'll try that with these.

-Let's leave Barrow out.

-OK.

So, shot put, pole vault...

I can't see any more of those.

No, um...

Barrow. Barrow.

-It's a town.

-We're halfway through the time.

-We've got the towns.

-Yes, OK.

-So "cist" could be spelt differently,

"vole" could be spelt differently.

Vault, shot. I thought there might be a word one in here somewhere.

I think it might be linked to "robber" and "barrow".

Robber, barrow, cist and...

What else have we got? True Blue...

What could "frozen" be? Frozen assets...

What else could be frozen? Frozen veg...

What else can you be borderline on? Borderline...

Exam.

What were the architectural ones? Let's go back to those.

So, Gothic...

-I don't see any other architectures here.

-30 seconds.

-Let's just keep trying.

-Shot put...

Shot put, frozen "put".

OK, what would the other ones be?

Barrow "put"? No.

True Blue...

Ten seconds.

-What's mastaba?

-Mastaba...

And you're out of time.

You found a group, so that's a point. I'll give you a bonus if you can tell me what is the connection.

Are they all in the Lakes? Are we sure on that?

-Are they in Cumberland? Shall we go for Lakeland towns?

-Hello!

Are they Lakeland towns?

Basically. There's a word I'd like to hear.

-The north-west of England?

-They're all in Cumbria.

But it is the Lakes, so I'll give it to you.

You can still get bonuses for the groups you didn't find, so let's resolve the wall.

What about the green group?

-Do you think "put" possibly?

-I don't see how it goes with "robber".

-I need an answer.

-They all go with the word "put"?

No, it is that sort of thing. You can put "bank" in front of them all.

Bankshot is a sporting thing, Bank Gothic is a typeface.

There's a bank vole and bank robbers you're familiar with.

In a non-libellous way. I mean you've read about them.

What about that next group in pink there?

Barrow, mastaba...

Could you change one letter in them?

I have to hurry you.

-Um...

-I don't think you know it. They're burial structures.

They're all ways in which people can be buried.

You were talking about architecture, but it's specifically about burial.

Holiday, Frozen, True Blue, Borderline.

-Well, they're all movies, but what's...

-They're sports movies?

-True Blue is about rowing.

-There might not be...

-Borderline you think...

-I'll stop you because they are not all films.

A couple of them are, but not all.

You're not, I think, fans of Madonna.

They are Madonna numbers. Sometimes it's obvious when you look.

But you did find one group and a connection for that one, so it's two points.

It's time to bring in your opponents.

The Accountants will be put in a sealed vault while the Cinephiles play their own Connecting Wall.

16 new clues need to be solved in the same way.

Hello again, Cinephiles. You're going to get the Lion Wall.

You've got two and a half minutes starting now.

Stewie's from Family Guy. So is Brian.

-Yeah.

-Meg, Cleveland and Quagmire.

I'll try Quagmire because he's not going to be anything else.

-And one other.

-Oh, you took off Meg.

-Did I?

-Can you try the other ones?

OK, Maidenhead, Slough, Windsor. Those are all on the same...

-What else have we got?

-The same train line.

Reading, Slough, Maidenhead and Windsor are all on the same...

-How about Marlow?

-No, it must not be that. OK...

-What about "on the Thames"?

-The Thames.

-Abingdon's on the Thames.

-Windsor's on the Thames.

-Marlow is on the Thames.

-Isn't it?

-Maidenhead is.

-..No.

There you go. Let's get these Family Guys sorted out.

-Stewie, Meg.

-OK.

OK.

-Cleveland maybe is the...

-OK, what else could these...

Marsh... Field glasses, opera glasses, 3D glasses. What else?

-Reading glasses.

-OK.

-Let's be careful.

So it's marsh, quagmire, slough, morass.

-Are we happy with that?

-Are they wetlands, things you get stuck in?

-Bogs.

-They're bogs.

-Halfway through the time and you have three strikes.

-And the characters from Family Guy.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

Well done. You've solved the wall.

Very good. That's four points immediately. Let's see if we can find the connections.

Maidenhead, Windsor, Marlow, Abingdon.

-Towns on the Thames?

-They are towns on the Thames.

-Can you tell me the counties?

-Howard's from Abingdon.

-Oxfordshire.

-Maidenhead's Berkshire, Marlow is Buckinghamshire.

Abingdon, Oxfordshire.

-Windsor is... Windsor is Berkshire again?

-Very good.

They're all on the Thames. That's the connection.

The green group - what about that?

-Types of glasses.

-All to be followed by "glasses".

Reading is the red herring there.

What about "marsh, slough, morass, quagmire"?

-Wet, sticky things you can get stuck in.

-Bogs.

"Bogs" would be another way of putting it. Absolutely right.

And what about Brian, Stewie, Cleveland, Meg?

-They're all characters from Family Guy.

-From the cartoon Family Guy.

-Which ones did you know and not know?

-Of Family Guy?

-Yeah.

We had five, that was the problem. Quagmire is from Family Guy as well.

Brian is the Griffins' dog. I've never seen an episode.

-It's pretty funny.

-I'm Tom and Jerry only.

Cleveland Brown is Peter Griffin's mild-mannered former friend.

I feel like I've caught up with the plot, so that's covered that.

You found the four groups, you knew the connections.

You get a bonus two points. That is a maximum of ten.

Let's see how that affects the scores before the final round.

If you crave more walls, you'll find them on our website

where you can also make your own.

Accountants, I'm wishing you a strong Round Four.

Missing Vowels. We've taken out the vowels and squidged up the consonants.

What are the disguised phrases? Fingers on buzzers, please.

The first group are all...

-Cinephiles?

-Rhod Gilbert.

-Correct.

-Cinephiles?

-Sir Harry Secombe.

-Correct.

-Cinephiles?

-Helen Lederer.

-Correct.

-Accountants?

-Paul Whitehouse.

-Lovely. Next category...

-Accountants?

-Codeine.

-Correct.

-Accountants?

-Heroin.

-Correct.

-Cinephiles?

-Acetylsalicylic acid.

-Correct.

-Accountants?

-Ibuprofen.

-Yes, it is. Next category...

-Cinephiles?

-Carnoustie.

-Correct.

-Cinephiles?

-Augusta National.

-Correct.

Accountants...? Too long. I'll have to take a point away. Cinephiles?

That's too long as well. The answer is Royal Portrush.

Next clue.

This one's in Scotland. Too late. It's Old Course.

Next category...

-Cinephiles?

-Abyssinian.

-Correct.

-Accountants?

-Siamese.

-Correct.

-Cinephiles?

-Maine Coon.

-Correct.

-Cinephiles?

-Russian Blue.

-Correct. Next category...

END-OF-ROUND JINGLE

There will be no next category because it's the end of the quiz.

The Accountants finish on 8 points,

but the winners are the Cinephiles with 33. Very well done.

Excellent score. Nancy, you can consider yourself avenged against the Crossworders.

Unlucky for you, Accountants. You were so close so many times.

In those earlier rounds, the brave early buzzing was a little bit too brave. Very well played.

Join me next time for two more teams separated only by the speed of their reactions.

Unless things get messy when they'll be separated by the bouncers from The Jeremy Kyle Show.

They're always here on stand-by in case I bump into Paxman.

Unluckily for him, the injunction doesn't cover his house. Goodbye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd